FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Men and our emotions
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"I think you are right, although.... shoeing emotions and being soft are not always the same thing" *showing | |||
"I think you are right, although.... shoeing emotions and being soft are not always the same thing" That’s so true. What is the difference to you | |||
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"I’m a proper emotional man. Not that many men I know are emotional at all. I wish men were taught it’s ok to be emotional and soft. " So many hide them at the detriment to others, I like your emotional intelligence pickles | |||
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"I’m a proper emotional man. Not that many men I know are emotional at all. I wish men were taught it’s ok to be emotional and soft. " I raised my son, now 29, mostly as a single parent and I taught him that it is absolutely okay for boys and men to show their emotional, softer sides. Unfortunately, his long term girlfriend, he met at 19, came from a family who didn't express/show their emotions and totally undid everything I taught him | |||
"I’m a proper emotional man. Not that many men I know are emotional at all. I wish men were taught it’s ok to be emotional and soft. " Exactly this. I was brought up to be hard, and hide all that stuff away. I’m still cold and soulless in that respect to this day. | |||
"I think you are right, although.... shoeing emotions and being soft are not always the same thing That’s so true. What is the difference to you Oh wow... that's a question! " I'd say being soft is the inability to deal with harshness of the world around you. Being emotional is what we all are everyday, everyone is emotional, everyone has feelings and we all find ways to express them and feel them in whatever way feels right to us. | |||
"I wish I was less emotional tbh, but it is what it is." same sometimes. Same. | |||
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" Being emotional is what we all are everyday, everyone is emotional, everyone has feelings and we all find ways to express them and feel them in whatever way feels right to us. " Unless you’re autistic and alexithymic. | |||
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"I’m a proper emotional man. Not that many men I know are emotional at all. I wish men were taught it’s ok to be emotional and soft. " I taught my son that it was ok to show emotions, I have always shown my heart on my chest . Good for you mate that you do | |||
" Being emotional is what we all are everyday, everyone is emotional, everyone has feelings and we all find ways to express them and feel them in whatever way feels right to us. Unless you’re autistic and alexithymic. " Yeah fair point | |||
"I'm not very emotional. Perhaps it's a generational thing as I lean towards the "stiff upper lip" mentality. ." I think the real question is whether we control our emotions or allow them to control us. I’m a confirmed stoic. | |||
"I'm not very emotional. Perhaps it's a generational thing as I lean towards the "stiff upper lip" mentality. . I think the real question is whether we control our emotions or allow them to control us. I’m a confirmed stoic. " Good point. I definitely control them over the latter. | |||
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"Honestly I think most men don't show emotion I wish they did ...also they very seldom tell someone how they feel woman do it then most men run a mile..." Because men are unhealthy | |||
"Honestly I think most men don't show emotion I wish they did ...also they very seldom tell someone how they feel woman do it then most men run a mile... Because men are unhealthy" I know | |||
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"Honestly I think most men don't show emotion I wish they did ...also they very seldom tell someone how they feel woman do it then most men run a mile..." This It destroys relationships as he's already moved on, before she has even had a chance to address any problems with the relationship | |||
"Honestly I think most men don't show emotion I wish they did ...also they very seldom tell someone how they feel woman do it then most men run a mile..." I learnt the hard way, I quiet often have chats with certain friends about how I'm feeling as need the release | |||
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"I wish people were taught how to deal with their emotions without making them other people's problem. Men, women, anyone should feel that having emotions and expressing them is totally acceptable. But people should also be taught that their emotions aren't the most important thing in any room. Just because something has made you feel a certain way... let's say something has upset you... it doesn't mean the rest the world isn't important too. There should be balance with expression and acceptance of the emotions of ourselves and of others." | |||
"Too much stoic shaming going on here. I'm out." Catch you later, Ricky | |||
"I wish people were taught how to deal with their emotions without making them other people's problem. Men, women, anyone should feel that having emotions and expressing them is totally acceptable. But people should also be taught that their emotions aren't the most important thing in any room. Just because something has made you feel a certain way... let's say something has upset you... it doesn't mean the rest the world isn't important too. There should be balance with expression and acceptance of the emotions of ourselves and of others." I think consent is always important. And that’s why I did a thread a while back on oversharing, but why I think oversharing can be bad. And trauma dumping. All those things. But anyway I agree but I think it doesn’t really change my original thoughts- I wish men were taught that it’s ok to be emotional. I also agree that it would be nice if this was for everyone but I also think specifically this is an issue I think impacts men and the way boys are raised. I say that as a man who was once a boy and has been raised with some traditional, toxic views of masculinity that overwhelmingly impacts men and boys. | |||
"I have boys and they're all on the spectrum. I hope I've showed them all they can embrace their emotions. We shall see as they get older! It's been quite strange since my father had a stroke as his emotions were unlocked as well. He's like a different man now. It's quite wonderful. I'd like a future partner to be emotionally open - I've had enough of closed off stoics!" It’s hard. And actually it’s taken lots of help for me to get to a place where I feel comfortable opening up when given the space to rather than burying my head, and shutting off my emotions. I’m glad your boys have you. | |||
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"I wish people were taught how to deal with their emotions without making them other people's problem. Men, women, anyone should feel that having emotions and expressing them is totally acceptable. But people should also be taught that their emotions aren't the most important thing in any room. Just because something has made you feel a certain way... let's say something has upset you... it doesn't mean the rest the world isn't important too. There should be balance with expression and acceptance of the emotions of ourselves and of others. I think consent is always important. And that’s why I did a thread a while back on oversharing, but why I think oversharing can be bad. And trauma dumping. All those things. But anyway I agree but I think it doesn’t really change my original thoughts- I wish men were taught that it’s ok to be emotional. I also agree that it would be nice if this was for everyone but I also think specifically this is an issue I think impacts men and the way boys are raised. I say that as a man who was once a boy and has been raised with some traditional, toxic views of masculinity that overwhelmingly impacts men and boys. " I agree. I wish men were taught to better deal with their emotions. I think there would be a lot more well adjusted men in the world. I disagree with "be emotional" though, and instead offer "accept their emotions". Feeling the thing often isn't the issue. Accepting the thing and not suppressing the thing is the issue, and passing on to the next generation that emotion is human as opposed to feminine is most important. And I say these things as a woman raised with boys who were raised in a variety of ways, toxic masculinity and toxic femininity among them, and who has known many men who still struggle to accept their emotions are acceptable and don't make them less of men despite what others may say. | |||
"I wish people were taught how to deal with their emotions without making them other people's problem. Men, women, anyone should feel that having emotions and expressing them is totally acceptable. But people should also be taught that their emotions aren't the most important thing in any room. Just because something has made you feel a certain way... let's say something has upset you... it doesn't mean the rest the world isn't important too. There should be balance with expression and acceptance of the emotions of ourselves and of others. I think consent is always important. And that’s why I did a thread a while back on oversharing, but why I think oversharing can be bad. And trauma dumping. All those things. But anyway I agree but I think it doesn’t really change my original thoughts- I wish men were taught that it’s ok to be emotional. I also agree that it would be nice if this was for everyone but I also think specifically this is an issue I think impacts men and the way boys are raised. I say that as a man who was once a boy and has been raised with some traditional, toxic views of masculinity that overwhelmingly impacts men and boys. I agree. I wish men were taught to better deal with their emotions. I think there would be a lot more well adjusted men in the world. I disagree with "be emotional" though, and instead offer "accept their emotions". Feeling the thing often isn't the issue. Accepting the thing and not suppressing the thing is the issue, and passing on to the next generation that emotion is human as opposed to feminine is most important. And I say these things as a woman raised with boys who were raised in a variety of ways, toxic masculinity and toxic femininity among them, and who has known many men who still struggle to accept their emotions are acceptable and don't make them less of men despite what others may say." Lol posh, we’re not disagreeing here. I added the bit I added about being a man because I was just acknowledging that despite being a man I’m not sugarcoating the issue. It wasn’t an attempt at undermining your perspective as a woman… But anyway I’ve mentally checked out of this thread | |||
"I wish people were taught how to deal with their emotions without making them other people's problem. Men, women, anyone should feel that having emotions and expressing them is totally acceptable. But people should also be taught that their emotions aren't the most important thing in any room. Just because something has made you feel a certain way... let's say something has upset you... it doesn't mean the rest the world isn't important too. There should be balance with expression and acceptance of the emotions of ourselves and of others. I think consent is always important. And that’s why I did a thread a while back on oversharing, but why I think oversharing can be bad. And trauma dumping. All those things. But anyway I agree but I think it doesn’t really change my original thoughts- I wish men were taught that it’s ok to be emotional. I also agree that it would be nice if this was for everyone but I also think specifically this is an issue I think impacts men and the way boys are raised. I say that as a man who was once a boy and has been raised with some traditional, toxic views of masculinity that overwhelmingly impacts men and boys. I agree. I wish men were taught to better deal with their emotions. I think there would be a lot more well adjusted men in the world. I disagree with "be emotional" though, and instead offer "accept their emotions". Feeling the thing often isn't the issue. Accepting the thing and not suppressing the thing is the issue, and passing on to the next generation that emotion is human as opposed to feminine is most important. And I say these things as a woman raised with boys who were raised in a variety of ways, toxic masculinity and toxic femininity among them, and who has known many men who still struggle to accept their emotions are acceptable and don't make them less of men despite what others may say. Lol posh, we’re not disagreeing here. I added the bit I added about being a man because I was just acknowledging that despite being a man I’m not sugarcoating the issue. It wasn’t an attempt at undermining your perspective as a woman… But anyway I’ve mentally checked out of this thread" I'm aware we aren't disagreeing. I thought we were having a discussion. I miss being able to have a discussion where people aren't diametrically opposed to each other yet can debate nuance. | |||
"I wish people were taught how to deal with their emotions without making them other people's problem. Men, women, anyone should feel that having emotions and expressing them is totally acceptable. But people should also be taught that their emotions aren't the most important thing in any room. Just because something has made you feel a certain way... let's say something has upset you... it doesn't mean the rest the world isn't important too. There should be balance with expression and acceptance of the emotions of ourselves and of others. I think consent is always important. And that’s why I did a thread a while back on oversharing, but why I think oversharing can be bad. And trauma dumping. All those things. But anyway I agree but I think it doesn’t really change my original thoughts- I wish men were taught that it’s ok to be emotional. I also agree that it would be nice if this was for everyone but I also think specifically this is an issue I think impacts men and the way boys are raised. I say that as a man who was once a boy and has been raised with some traditional, toxic views of masculinity that overwhelmingly impacts men and boys. I agree. I wish men were taught to better deal with their emotions. I think there would be a lot more well adjusted men in the world. I disagree with "be emotional" though, and instead offer "accept their emotions". Feeling the thing often isn't the issue. Accepting the thing and not suppressing the thing is the issue, and passing on to the next generation that emotion is human as opposed to feminine is most important. And I say these things as a woman raised with boys who were raised in a variety of ways, toxic masculinity and toxic femininity among them, and who has known many men who still struggle to accept their emotions are acceptable and don't make them less of men despite what others may say. Lol posh, we’re not disagreeing here. I added the bit I added about being a man because I was just acknowledging that despite being a man I’m not sugarcoating the issue. It wasn’t an attempt at undermining your perspective as a woman… But anyway I’ve mentally checked out of this thread I'm aware we aren't disagreeing. I thought we were having a discussion. I miss being able to have a discussion where people aren't diametrically opposed to each other yet can debate nuance." I’ve been on fab for years- people can tell you I’m no good at that They’ve told me that. | |||
"I wish people were taught how to deal with their emotions without making them other people's problem. Men, women, anyone should feel that having emotions and expressing them is totally acceptable. But people should also be taught that their emotions aren't the most important thing in any room. Just because something has made you feel a certain way... let's say something has upset you... it doesn't mean the rest the world isn't important too. There should be balance with expression and acceptance of the emotions of ourselves and of others. I think consent is always important. And that’s why I did a thread a while back on oversharing, but why I think oversharing can be bad. And trauma dumping. All those things. But anyway I agree but I think it doesn’t really change my original thoughts- I wish men were taught that it’s ok to be emotional. I also agree that it would be nice if this was for everyone but I also think specifically this is an issue I think impacts men and the way boys are raised. I say that as a man who was once a boy and has been raised with some traditional, toxic views of masculinity that overwhelmingly impacts men and boys. I agree. I wish men were taught to better deal with their emotions. I think there would be a lot more well adjusted men in the world. I disagree with "be emotional" though, and instead offer "accept their emotions". Feeling the thing often isn't the issue. Accepting the thing and not suppressing the thing is the issue, and passing on to the next generation that emotion is human as opposed to feminine is most important. And I say these things as a woman raised with boys who were raised in a variety of ways, toxic masculinity and toxic femininity among them, and who has known many men who still struggle to accept their emotions are acceptable and don't make them less of men despite what others may say. Lol posh, we’re not disagreeing here. I added the bit I added about being a man because I was just acknowledging that despite being a man I’m not sugarcoating the issue. It wasn’t an attempt at undermining your perspective as a woman… But anyway I’ve mentally checked out of this thread I'm aware we aren't disagreeing. I thought we were having a discussion. I miss being able to have a discussion where people aren't diametrically opposed to each other yet can debate nuance. I’ve been on fab for years- people can tell you I’m no good at that They’ve told me that. " The world seems to be getting to be no good at it. | |||
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"I have boys and they're all on the spectrum. I hope I've showed them all they can embrace their emotions. We shall see as they get older! It's been quite strange since my father had a stroke as his emotions were unlocked as well. He's like a different man now. It's quite wonderful. I'd like a future partner to be emotionally open - I've had enough of closed off stoics! It’s hard. And actually it’s taken lots of help for me to get to a place where I feel comfortable opening up when given the space to rather than burying my head, and shutting off my emotions. I’m glad your boys have you. " Aw thank you Steve. I suspect boys raised by single mums are likely to be more in touch with their emotions. Little contact with their dad. Autism does mean a more inflexible view of things though - tricky. | |||
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"Not that I am answering for other men as I realise my experience may be somewhat different, but my experience may be interesting to some in this discussion. Before hormone treatment, so under a typical male balance of testosterone and low estrogen, I was pretty emotionally flat with the exception of anger. Now my emotions are much more of a rollercoaster. Not only am I much less prone to anger but feel happiness and sadness much more often and far more intensely" Would you say that is preferable? It is a subject of great interest to me. I hope you don't mind the question. There's quite a bit of evidence to support the belief that emotional diversity is very important for people. As in the ability to feel the full range of our emotions. | |||
"Not that I am answering for other men as I realise my experience may be somewhat different, but my experience may be interesting to some in this discussion. Before hormone treatment, so under a typical male balance of testosterone and low estrogen, I was pretty emotionally flat with the exception of anger. Now my emotions are much more of a rollercoaster. Not only am I much less prone to anger but feel happiness and sadness much more often and far more intensely Would you say that is preferable? It is a subject of great interest to me. I hope you don't mind the question. There's quite a bit of evidence to support the belief that emotional diversity is very important for people. As in the ability to feel the full range of our emotions." Obviously it has both its positive and negative aspects. Those times when I start crying either because I'm so happy or sad are sometimes awkward. Overall though I am in a much better place for having the increased emotional response and it certainly help with both having empathatic response to other people and being able to express it and support them. | |||
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" Being emotional is what we all are everyday, everyone is emotional, everyone has feelings and we all find ways to express them and feel them in whatever way feels right to us. Unless you’re autistic and alexithymic. " People with autism have emotions, but they make express them differently to that which people expect or assume, or they may be outwardly unemotional or struggle to define or explain emotions. But it's not true to say people with autism do not have emotions. | |||
"Not that I am answering for other men as I realise my experience may be somewhat different, but my experience may be interesting to some in this discussion. Before hormone treatment, so under a typical male balance of testosterone and low estrogen, I was pretty emotionally flat with the exception of anger. Now my emotions are much more of a rollercoaster. Not only am I much less prone to anger but feel happiness and sadness much more often and far more intensely Would you say that is preferable? It is a subject of great interest to me. I hope you don't mind the question. There's quite a bit of evidence to support the belief that emotional diversity is very important for people. As in the ability to feel the full range of our emotions. Obviously it has both its positive and negative aspects. Those times when I start crying either because I'm so happy or sad are sometimes awkward. Overall though I am in a much better place for having the increased emotional response and it certainly help with both having empathatic response to other people and being able to express it and support them." I am really happy for you. And it's a positive reassurance for me too. Thank you for sharing your experiences. I believe it improves empathy too. I have definitely found that to be the case. It's like the more I accept and allow myself to feel emotions, the more I am able to accept and receive them in others. | |||
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" Being emotional is what we all are everyday, everyone is emotional, everyone has feelings and we all find ways to express them and feel them in whatever way feels right to us. Unless you’re autistic and alexithymic. People with autism have emotions, but they make express them differently to that which people expect or assume, or they may be outwardly unemotional or struggle to define or explain emotions. But it's not true to say people with autism do not have emotions. " I am going to back you on that one to the hilt. I am finding a partner, with ASD, needs very open conversations about emotions. I find it quite beautiful. It is in no way limited, she is a very deep person. She needs it clearly expressed though, no deflecting with humour. She picks up on that instantly. I find it humbling at times. The level of emotional awareness and empathy she has. It's not just how people express themselves it's the capacity of others to tune in to their frequency. | |||
" Being emotional is what we all are everyday, everyone is emotional, everyone has feelings and we all find ways to express them and feel them in whatever way feels right to us. Unless you’re autistic and alexithymic. People with autism have emotions, but they make express them differently to that which people expect or assume, or they may be outwardly unemotional or struggle to define or explain emotions. But it's not true to say people with autism do not have emotions. I am going to back you on that one to the hilt. I am finding a partner, with ASD, needs very open conversations about emotions. I find it quite beautiful. It is in no way limited, she is a very deep person. She needs it clearly expressed though, no deflecting with humour. She picks up on that instantly. I find it humbling at times. The level of emotional awareness and empathy she has. It's not just how people express themselves it's the capacity of others to tune in to their frequency." That last paragraph is spot on | |||
"I have boys and they're all on the spectrum. I hope I've showed them all they can embrace their emotions. We shall see as they get older " I’m on the spectrum, too. I’d suggest you don’t hold your breath | |||
"I’m a proper emotional man. Not that many men I know are emotional at all. I wish men were taught it’s ok to be emotional and soft. " Completely agree. I sometimes wish I was a bit less emotional, but other days I quite like that side of me. | |||
"Too much stoic shaming going on here. I'm out." Ironic that it would bother you. | |||
"I have boys and they're all on the spectrum. I hope I've showed them all they can embrace their emotions. We shall see as they get older I’m on the spectrum, too. I’d suggest you don’t hold your breath " Thanks so much. Very helpful. | |||
"People with autism have emotions, but they make express them differently to that which people expect or assume, or they may be outwardly unemotional or struggle to define or explain emotions. But it's not true to say people with autism do not have emotions." Ya know, surveys reliably show 90% of autistics abhor person-first language. I don’t have autism in the same way as Bishop Desmond Tutu didn’t have blackness. It’s what we are, not something we have. As for emotions, read what I wrote, not what you seem to think I wrote. And finally, you’ll find a lot of autistics - typically those we commonly refer to as “Aspies” do not have emotions in the way you’re describing. This is especially true of the 50% of us who are also alexithymic. We literally have no idea what words to use to describe what we’re feeling, or even if we’re feeling anything at all. We tend to recognise each other quickly and generally get on well together. Hans Asperger’s original paper was titled “Autistic psychopathy in children” for a good reason. | |||
"I’m a proper emotional man. Not that many men I know are emotional at all. I wish men were taught it’s ok to be emotional and soft. " I'm a fem guy and proud of it. Only regret not being who I am years ago. And yes I'm a crossdresser | |||
"People with autism have emotions, but they make express them differently to that which people expect or assume, or they may be outwardly unemotional or struggle to define or explain emotions. But it's not true to say people with autism do not have emotions. Ya know, surveys reliably show 90% of autistics abhor person-first language. I don’t have autism in the same way as Bishop Desmond Tutu didn’t have blackness. It’s what we are, not something we have. As for emotions, read what I wrote, not what you seem to think I wrote. And finally, you’ll find a lot of autistics - typically those we commonly refer to as “Aspies” do not have emotions in the way you’re describing. This is especially true of the 50% of us who are also alexithymic. We literally have no idea what words to use to describe what we’re feeling, or even if we’re feeling anything at all. We tend to recognise each other quickly and generally get on well together. Hans Asperger’s original paper was titled “Autistic psychopathy in children” for a good reason. " Where does one find these stats you speak of? The words aspie and aspergers have been "downgraded" in some circles and it's not diagnosed in many parts of the UK - it's High Functioning Autism. | |||
" Being emotional is what we all are everyday, everyone is emotional, everyone has feelings and we all find ways to express them and feel them in whatever way feels right to us. Unless you’re autistic and alexithymic. People with autism have emotions, but they make express them differently to that which people expect or assume, or they may be outwardly unemotional or struggle to define or explain emotions. But it's not true to say people with autism do not have emotions. I am going to back you on that one to the hilt. I am finding a partner, with ASD, needs very open conversations about emotions. I find it quite beautiful. It is in no way limited, she is a very deep person. She needs it clearly expressed though, no deflecting with humour. She picks up on that instantly. I find it humbling at times. The level of emotional awareness and empathy she has. It's not just how people express themselves it's the capacity of others to tune in to their frequency. That last paragraph is spot on " Thanks for tuning into me | |||
"People with autism have emotions, but they make express them differently to that which people expect or assume, or they may be outwardly unemotional or struggle to define or explain emotions. But it's not true to say people with autism do not have emotions. " Autistic people with alexithymia (which is sometimes said to be as many as 1 in 5 of us) might struggle too feel their emotions, notice them, be able to identify them, or express them. As you'd expect, it presents differently in different individuals. | |||
"The words aspie and aspergers have been "downgraded" in some circles and it's not diagnosed in many parts of the UK - it's High Functioning Autism. " Functional labels are no less helpful than references to Hans Asperger. | |||
"People with autism have emotions, but they make express them differently to that which people expect or assume, or they may be outwardly unemotional or struggle to define or explain emotions. But it's not true to say people with autism do not have emotions. Ya know, surveys reliably show 90% of autistics abhor person-first language. I don’t have autism in the same way as Bishop Desmond Tutu didn’t have blackness. It’s what we are, not something we have. As for emotions, read what I wrote, not what you seem to think I wrote. And finally, you’ll find a lot of autistics - typically those we commonly refer to as “Aspies” do not have emotions in the way you’re describing. This is especially true of the 50% of us who are also alexithymic. We literally have no idea what words to use to describe what we’re feeling, or even if we’re feeling anything at all. We tend to recognise each other quickly and generally get on well together. Hans Asperger’s original paper was titled “Autistic psychopathy in children” for a good reason. " My husband is autistic and struggles to "label" or explain how he's feeling. However, he is not devoid of feeling in itself. I didn't deal with the part on being alexithymic because I have no experience of this and so would not venture anything on it. However I did pick up on the aspect of autism because there continues to be assumptions on the part of many that, because autistic people/people with autism (whichever form is preferred) don't express emotions in the same way as people who are not autistic, that this is the same as not having emotions. There are many different ways to demonstrate emotions, other than applying verbal labels, which is what my husband certainly struggles to do. For example, he isn't able to distinguish between joy and happiness - to him, these are one and the same emotion that is "positive". However, if given an emotions wheel that includes descriptors of joy and happiness, he might then select one or the other but based on empiricism and not feeling. I don't know if that makes sense?! Often, his facial expressions do not match the outward evidence of how he's feeling, e.g. a seemingly angry face might actually be serious concentration. This can be confusing to people who don't know him/understand and can be assumed to be that he lacks certain emotions but that's not true. Anyway. There may well be a subset of autistic people/people with autism who do lack emotion, but it certainly doesn't apply to all by any means. What does apply is a significant difference in how emotions are outwardly demonstrated to others and how emotions can be explained or described by people themselves. My use of person centred language was rooted in advice that this is how to avoid discriminatory assumptions but I recognise this doesn't apply to everyone. I am physically disabled but my disability doesn't fit into a neat category. I am a person with a disability. I am not autistic/deaf/blind or anything that has such a descriptor. However my disability cannot be separated from my being. It's a difficult one as to how best to describe these things because it's very individual. | |||
". However my disability cannot be separated from my being. It's a difficult one as to how best to describe these things because it's very individual. " Quite so. This is exactly why most autistics prefer identity first language. So do many disabled people (such as my son). Tangentially (and amusingly to me) autism is defined as a disability, although I don’t see that way. It’s my clichéd superpower. | |||
". However my disability cannot be separated from my being. It's a difficult one as to how best to describe these things because it's very individual. Quite so. This is exactly why most autistics prefer identity first language. So do many disabled people (such as my son). Tangentially (and amusingly to me) autism is defined as a disability, although I don’t see that way. It’s my clichéd superpower. " O totally understand that and respect how people wish to be described/addressed. Not all disabilities/differences can be described as such, though. How would you apply a similar descriptor to a person with cerebral palsy or multiple sclerosis or spina bifida? Or someone with a nerve compression injury due to pregnancy, leading to loss of muscle function in one limb (plus some other little bits)? The last one is me | |||
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"There may well be a subset of autistic people/people with autism who do lack emotion, but it certainly doesn't apply to all by any means." I don't think there's any evidence to support the idea that autism *in and of itself* causes a lack of emotion (rather than experiencing them differently, or a difference in naming and expressing them). So, I think it's important to clarify that *if* an autistic person literally lacks emotions it would be for other reasons. | |||
". How would you apply a similar descriptor to a person with cerebral palsy or multiple sclerosis or spina bifida? Or someone with a nerve compression injury due to pregnancy, leading to loss of muscle function in one limb (plus some other little bits)? The last one is me " I’d ask their preference. Ultimately we all get to choose how we describe ourselves. There’s a decent although perhaps imperfect analogy with gender and pronouns here. | |||
"There may well be a subset of autistic people/people with autism who do lack emotion, but it certainly doesn't apply to all by any means. I don't think there's any evidence to support the idea that autism *in and of itself* causes a lack of emotion (rather than experiencing them differently, or a difference in naming and expressing them). So, I think it's important to clarify that *if* an autistic person literally lacks emotions it would be for other reasons. " Yes, indeed. Such as alexithymia (which is not quite an absence of emotion). For example, I don’t feel grief. Nor do I exhibit any signs of experiencing it and yet being unaware of it. It’s the same with worry. Stress, on the other hand, is mostly undetectable but a real swine. | |||
"Also my husband does not usually consider himself to have a disability/be disabled. However, he does in certain scenarios - when it's less of a superpower and more of a frustration. " Busy places? Noise? Bright lights? | |||
". How would you apply a similar descriptor to a person with cerebral palsy or multiple sclerosis or spina bifida? Or someone with a nerve compression injury due to pregnancy, leading to loss of muscle function in one limb (plus some other little bits)? The last one is me I’d ask their preference. Ultimately we all get to choose how we describe ourselves. There’s a decent although perhaps imperfect analogy with gender and pronouns here. " The thing is, there are no equivalent ways to describe those disabilities though. You can say "autistic" or "I am autistic" or "person with autism" but you can't say "cerebral palsy-ist" or "I am cerebral palsy-ist" because it doesn't make any sense. The only word that could be used would be "disabled" or "I am disabled". With most disabilities and differences, the only wording that includes the specific condition is person-first language. I happen to prefer being referred to by my name | |||
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"The autistic spectrum is wide and varied. It defines a cause and not the effects. It is impossible for anyone to understand an individual with ASD's abilities or difficulties from that single definition. Most laypeoples understanding comes from experience with a single individual, or the media, both of which will often give them a false impression." As they say, “If you’ve met one autistic, you’ve met one autistic”. Normies can be incredibly frustrating with their assumptions, to be sure. | |||
"There may well be a subset of autistic people/people with autism who do lack emotion, but it certainly doesn't apply to all by any means. I don't think there's any evidence to support the idea that autism *in and of itself* causes a lack of emotion (rather than experiencing them differently, or a difference in naming and expressing them). So, I think it's important to clarify that *if* an autistic person literally lacks emotions it would be for other reasons. Yes, indeed. Such as alexithymia (which is not quite an absence of emotion). For example, I don’t feel grief. Nor do I exhibit any signs of experiencing it and yet being unaware of it. It’s the same with worry. Stress, on the other hand, is mostly undetectable but a real swine. " There are days when the ability not to feel grief would very much feel like a superpower, to me. Your posts have educated me today, thank you. | |||
"The words aspie and aspergers have been "downgraded" in some circles and it's not diagnosed in many parts of the UK - it's High Functioning Autism. Functional labels are no less helpful than references to Hans Asperger. " I was told off for using the word Aspergers on a FB group. My kids are diagnosed with it. | |||
"The autistic spectrum is wide and varied. It defines a cause and not the effects. It is impossible for anyone to understand an individual with ASD's abilities or difficulties from that single definition. Most laypeoples understanding comes from experience with a single individual, or the media, both of which will often give them a false impression." And the media seems to just regurgitate stereotypes about autism doesn't it? I imagine it's quite galling. | |||
"The autistic spectrum is wide and varied. It defines a cause and not the effects. It is impossible for anyone to understand an individual with ASD's abilities or difficulties from that single definition. Most laypeoples understanding comes from experience with a single individual, or the media, both of which will often give them a false impression. As they say, “If you’ve met one autistic, you’ve met one autistic”. Normies can be incredibly frustrating with their assumptions, to be sure. " It's the same with many (all??) areas of neurodivergence, disability, learning differences etc. One person with condition X is not the same as a second person with the same diagnosis. Autistic people are not unique in being unique. ABs seem to think all wheelchair users are a) wheelchair BOUND *shudders* and b) can't possibly use their legs in any way, whatsoever. The truth is obviously very different and completely individual to the individual who uses a wheelchair. Like I said, my "label" is my name. My diagnosis wouldn't fit on a label anyway!!! It'd be the length of the receipt you get from the supermarket when you do the Christmas shop, rather than label-sized | |||
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"The words aspie and aspergers have been "downgraded" in some circles and it's not diagnosed in many parts of the UK - it's High Functioning Autism. Functional labels are no less helpful than references to Hans Asperger. I was told off for using the word Aspergers on a FB group. My kids are diagnosed with it. " You may have been a victim of some autistic people's aversion to "autistic moms" on social media. I also would have pointed out that asperger's is an outdated diagnosis, but hopefully would have been a bit more gracious about it! | |||
"The words aspie and aspergers have been "downgraded" in some circles and it's not diagnosed in many parts of the UK - it's High Functioning Autism. Functional labels are no less helpful than references to Hans Asperger. I was told off for using the word Aspergers on a FB group. My kids are diagnosed with it. You may have been a victim of some autistic people's aversion to "autistic moms" on social media. I also would have pointed out that asperger's is an outdated diagnosis, but hopefully would have been a bit more gracious about it! " I was asking for support and got told off when it's the diagnosis my kids have. It was a parents group! A little frustrating. | |||
"The words aspie and aspergers have been "downgraded" in some circles and it's not diagnosed in many parts of the UK - it's High Functioning Autism. Functional labels are no less helpful than references to Hans Asperger. I was told off for using the word Aspergers on a FB group. My kids are diagnosed with it. You may have been a victim of some autistic people's aversion to "autistic moms" on social media. I also would have pointed out that asperger's is an outdated diagnosis, but hopefully would have been a bit more gracious about it! I was asking for support and got told off when it's the diagnosis my kids have. It was a parents group! A little frustrating." The parents are sometimes the worst as they can lack the ability to understand how other families are affected differently. They may very well be high functioning neurodivergent but have not sought a diagnosis. Cut them some slack as one would hope for oneself for this is not an easy path. | |||
"The words aspie and aspergers have been "downgraded" in some circles and it's not diagnosed in many parts of the UK - it's High Functioning Autism. Functional labels are no less helpful than references to Hans Asperger. I was told off for using the word Aspergers on a FB group. My kids are diagnosed with it. You may have been a victim of some autistic people's aversion to "autistic moms" on social media. I also would have pointed out that asperger's is an outdated diagnosis, but hopefully would have been a bit more gracious about it! I was asking for support and got told off when it's the diagnosis my kids have. It was a parents group! A little frustrating. The parents are sometimes the worst as they can lack the ability to understand how other families are affected differently. They may very well be high functioning neurodivergent but have not sought a diagnosis. Cut them some slack as one would hope for oneself for this is not an easy path." I'm a parent of autistics? I just left the group. | |||
"Not that I am answering for other men as I realise my experience may be somewhat different, but my experience may be interesting to some in this discussion. Before hormone treatment, so under a typical male balance of testosterone and low estrogen, I was pretty emotionally flat with the exception of anger. Now my emotions are much more of a rollercoaster. Not only am I much less prone to anger but feel happiness and sadness much more often and far more intensely" I'm not sure why some men channel so much of their emotion into anger. Society innit I guess. | |||
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" And the media seems to just regurgitate stereotypes about autism doesn't it? I imagine it's quite galling. " It is. As a consequence I am frequently told my perception and experience of my own autism over the last 58 years is wrong. I call it “normiesplaining” | |||
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"The words aspie and aspergers have been "downgraded" in some circles and it's not diagnosed in many parts of the UK - it's High Functioning Autism. Functional labels are no less helpful than references to Hans Asperger. I was told off for using the word Aspergers on a FB group. My kids are diagnosed with it. " I wish these people would fall off a cliff. HFA isn’t a diagnosis in the DSM or the ICD. The designated levels relate to support needs not functional abilities. Functional labels are misleading. And crass. I’ve been told (more like instructed) by busybodies not to use the term Asperger’s or the epithet “Aspie”. They tell me they’re “offended”. I don’t give a hoot about their feelings. I was diagnosed as Asperger’s and I love the epithet. | |||