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You Need a Thick Skin to Be On Here...
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I've been using various forums since the early 2000's to be honest it's pretty tame on here these days it's like Fab light.
I prefer a no holes barred fight to the death two forumites enter one forumite leaves scenario.
But being over sensitive will only lead to heartache |
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Emotional Maturity.
e.g. not getting upset or offended by the thoughts and actions of others , especially strangers.
i.e. not taking things too personally
That's not to say you have to allow unwelcome behaviour and allow all kinds of shite to go on .... it's just knowing that shit IS going to happen but it's not necessarily 'true' shit.
e.g. If you are going to enter Britain's Got Talent - Don't have a melt down when the red x's get pressed.
Keep going ...... |
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I have one myself not much can get through it ! Insult me all they like I'm good! But I do get upset on others behalf! Don't know why just do! Allways have done! I see one of my granddaughters doing the same lol! Chip of old block! X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Pretty much true. People on this site can be horrid behind a screen. That’s not even adding in the way that rejection makes people feel about themselves and their attractiveness/ desirability.
I’ve left this site countless times when it’s been too much. |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
I'm not sure. I don't have a thick skin. I'm rather sensitive (which is lucky as I've only received a couple of messages that weren't particularly nice in my decade on here).
I don't want to have a thick skin. To me that can come with other behaviours - cynicism for one. I think having emotional maturity is more important. Like the ability to say fuck it if things don't turn out as planned.
I do think people can be better at handling situations but on the same hand - people can stop being so shitty towards others. Sometimes there's no need for it and when I think about the age of people I'm surprised by their behaviour.
And then I say fuck it and carry on focusing on the positives.
 |
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
I understand why some think you do and that's fine.
I find though, that not getting worried about anything that happens on here is far easier. Let stuff go over your head. It doesn't matter.
If you need to develop a thick skin because of the site then that to me indicates that you need to build a virtual wall in some way to protect yourself.
And that wall may block out others seeing the real you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Granny but it right above
A saying that has always stuck with me:
Sticks & stones may break me, but words will never hurt me.
Social online world is not reality, don’t let those person’s words, who know nothing about you get under your skin. |
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Being a ‘girl’ like me I think you do need a tough skin, nasty comments, backhanded compliments, ignored on threads.
Not by all I must say before someone else does and I generally have a positive experience here…. But you need a thick skin for the minority xxx |
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"Granny but it right above
A saying that has always stuck with me:
Sticks & stones may break me, but words will never hurt me.
Social online world is not reality, don’t let those person’s words, who know nothing about you get under your skin. "
Words can cut deeper than any knife. |
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We try not to be mean, more…. Constructive
But when you get messages off guys asking stuff that’s in the profile.
Then following it up with other questions that are in the profile and status. It’s hard sometimes. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't have a particularly thick skin but I also don't care enough about what strangers think of me to be insulted by them. "
I’m getting better at not being bothered by strangers’ opinions of me. But one of the hard things about my MH and I’m sure many other people’s is that it can be hard to let go of the negatives |
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"I don't have a particularly thick skin but I also don't care enough about what strangers think of me to be insulted by them.
I’m getting better at not being bothered by strangers’ opinions of me. But one of the hard things about my MH and I’m sure many other people’s is that it can be hard to let go of the negatives "
I understand that. I'm lucky in that I've always not particularly cared about strangers opinions of me in the main, obviously I care about job interviews etc and I don't go around kicking old ladies walking sticks away. It's not something I had to learn |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Granny but it right above
A saying that has always stuck with me:
Sticks & stones may break me, but words will never hurt me.
Social online world is not reality, don’t let those person’s words, who know nothing about you get under your skin.
Words can cut deeper than any knife."
Even from those that don’t know you ? |
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I think it's just not worrying about strangers views/thougts .... it comes down to your brain function though .. most. base line humans are emotional driven then a small percentage are like me logical driven with no over arcing emption really that contaminates the thought process ..
I wouldn't say its a thick skin you need on fab I would say its more the site is just a statistical number puzzle more than anything ..  |
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I don’t really know where confidence ends and having a thick skin begins.
I’m quite a self assured person so I don’t really let other peoples opinions get to me too much. Everyone can have an opinion, it doesn’t have to be nice, I don’t always think nice things about people although I try to push those thoughts away.
But if someone chooses to voice those thoughts just to be unkind then they have a lot of issues they need to work on and I wish them the best of luck with that.
If someone I’ve let into my bubble is unkind then there’s tears. I’m as soft as a marshmallow  |
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"I think it's just not worrying about strangers views/thougts .... it comes down to your brain function though .. most. base line humans are emotional driven then a small percentage are like me logical driven with no over arcing emption really that contaminates the thought process ..
I wouldn't say its a thick skin you need on fab I would say its more the site is just a statistical number puzzle more than anything .. "
So do we call you Spock from now on? |
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I think that’s true.
Some are outright rude while we’ve found some people make very snide comments.
For example, when we comment in the forums… if I comment (him) we are told we’re fake because it’s not her posting. Then when she comments we are fake because apparently it’s me pretending to be her 
Can’t win.
Despite the fact we have a verified profile and verifications from meets.
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"I think it's just not worrying about strangers views/thougts .... it comes down to your brain function though .. most. base line humans are emotional driven then a small percentage are like me logical driven with no over arcing emption really that contaminates the thought process ..
I wouldn't say its a thick skin you need on fab I would say its more the site is just a statistical number puzzle more than anything ..
So do we call you Spock from now on?"
You wouldn't be the first to use that term with me .. my dad calls me Vulcan all the time and my friends call me the computer girl .. people often mistake me for being rude/callous/clinical/detached/un empathetic/cold but its just they dont understand how a logical process works , much like for me its hard to sometimes to remember I have to be not so matter of fact with things and forget most people require some manipulation of words to appease them otherwise they get bent out of shape to fast
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"It’s better to have thick skin over that saggy ball bag stuff I’ve got swinging between my legs  "
saggy ballsacks are the peak sexiness to be honest on a guy ,, take a sagging hanging sack all day on a guy over a tight tiny one |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't have a thick skin and I don't want to have one. If you're prepared to be a little vulnerable, you can gain a great deal. But the risk is also that you get hurt and become a little cynical. |
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By *hrimper36Couple
over a year ago
Central France dept 36 |
"How true do you think this rings and do you think that attitude will ever change?
What does having a thick skin mean to you and do you have it?"
Not really but sometimes people do need to be less stupid imho and much more honest.
T |
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Having thick skin to us on here means...
not giving a flying F when people tell us what THEY think we should be doing and continuing on our merry way, the very same way like we have done for the last five years |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Genuinely love the different opinions on here as to what a thick skin means to everyone and especially the subjects you need to have a thick skin about.
I suppose the question(s) came about because I can be quite emotional about certain things on here and the idea of having a thick skin means blocking out negative emotions and only seeing the good in order to push on, but feel that's quite robotic and can be used as an attempt to dismiss genuine feelings you might have. |
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"It’s better to have thick skin over that saggy ball bag stuff I’ve got swinging between my legs
saggy ballsacks are the peak sexiness to be honest on a guy ,, take a sagging hanging sack all day on a guy over a tight tiny one "
Well I must be at the peak of my sexiness now then  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Genuinely love the different opinions on here as to what a thick skin means to everyone and especially the subjects you need to have a thick skin about.
I suppose the question(s) came about because I can be quite emotional about certain things on here and the idea of having a thick skin means blocking out negative emotions and only seeing the good in order to push on, but feel that's quite robotic and can be used as an attempt to dismiss genuine feelings you might have."
You’re a real one, Joe |
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"How true do you think this rings and do you think that attitude will ever change?
What does having a thick skin mean to you and do you have it?"
I have certainly learned that having a thick skin is helpful especially when it comes to being let down on meets etc...it really used to bother me people not showing up but now I think.. meh..their loss |
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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
I don't think you need a thick skin to be on here. I do think you need to use common sense a lot of the time though. Yes there is abuse on here at times but I have never understood why people let random people on the internet annoy or upset them. You won't be meeting them or having anything to do with them so why would you let a gobshite sprouting abuse get to you. Also it's the internet and unless you have never used the internet before which is highly unlikely, most people on here are aware of trolling and the crap that goes on. Letting it annoy you seems like a pointless exercise to me.The same as getting annoyed if rejected on here it's not a big deal.And if you have more luck on other sites or in RL than concentrate on those rather than letting it annoy you on here. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How true do you think this rings and do you think that attitude will ever change?
What does having a thick skin mean to you and do you have it?
Not really but sometimes people do need to be less stupid imho and much more honest.
T"
In what way? |
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"Genuinely love the different opinions on here as to what a thick skin means to everyone and especially the subjects you need to have a thick skin about.
I suppose the question(s) came about because I can be quite emotional about certain things on here and the idea of having a thick skin means blocking out negative emotions and only seeing the good in order to push on, but feel that's quite robotic and can be used as an attempt to dismiss genuine feelings you might have."
Well said Joe.
I think there's desensitisation, which is essentially what you describe.
Then there's emotional resilience, which is being able to experience your emotions whatever they are.
I think there is a toxic element to a culture sometimes, which almost glorifies emotional repression as if expression is some kind of personal failure. When I see the man-up style comments it does make me cringe.
Jung said something along the lines of: that which is internal and we can't accept manifests externally as fate. I'm a big believer in that. I think when you 'push on' in that way you can end up repeating the same patterns. Emotions are important, they are part of who we are. They may not always be 'rational'. But when you dismiss them you are dismissing yourself. I am not sure that's rational either. |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
To me, having a thick skin means you are somewhat indifferent to the words (mean ones at that) of others.
Do I have a thick skin? To a degree. I think we all have that button that can pressed. That causes our fingers to flex and type away a retort asap.
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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Travelling |
Everyone bangs on about showing emotions, the need to show emotions, especially me.
No, showing emotions is inconsequential, the ability to process those emotions is the important thing.
Being stoic is not a bad thing, being stoic is actually extremely healthy - stoicism is not bottling shit up, it's the ability to remain calm and focused, self controlled despite destructive emotional thoughts. The ability to process them internally while remaining stoic is what we should strive for. Dealing with that emotion, not ignoring it or throwing emotional outbursts. |
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I definitely think you need crocodile skin on here as a single male. Can't speak for everyone else but you definitely question yourself. All good fun though. It's character building as the veterans would say |
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By *hilloutMan
over a year ago
All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest |
"Everyone bangs on about showing emotions, the need to show emotions, especially me.
No, showing emotions is inconsequential, the ability to process those emotions is the important thing.
Being stoic is not a bad thing, being stoic is actually extremely healthy - stoicism is not bottling shit up, it's the ability to remain calm and focused, self controlled despite destructive emotional thoughts. The ability to process them internally while remaining stoic is what we should strive for. Dealing with that emotion, not ignoring it or throwing emotional outbursts."
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How true do you think this rings and do you think that attitude will ever change?
What does having a thick skin mean to you and do you have it?"
Thick skinned able to take rough with smooth and reslient. Too many attention seeking attitudes ive noticed. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Everyone bangs on about showing emotions, the need to show emotions, especially me.
No, showing emotions is inconsequential, the ability to process those emotions is the important thing.
Being stoic is not a bad thing, being stoic is actually extremely healthy - stoicism is not bottling shit up, it's the ability to remain calm and focused, self controlled despite destructive emotional thoughts. The ability to process them internally while remaining stoic is what we should strive for. Dealing with that emotion, not ignoring it or throwing emotional outbursts."
I understand what you mean and I love the part about the difference between having emotions and processing them accordingly. Do you think that using stoicism as a way to process negative emotions can have the side effect of bottling them up? I can't see how just being stoic is an emotional release. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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All too often I've seen threads where someone is genuinely upset at the way they've been treated. And people responding saying - just let it wash over you, don't worry about it etc etc. But it's ok to be upset when people behave badly. |
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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Travelling |
"Everyone bangs on about showing emotions, the need to show emotions, especially me.
No, showing emotions is inconsequential, the ability to process those emotions is the important thing.
Being stoic is not a bad thing, being stoic is actually extremely healthy - stoicism is not bottling shit up, it's the ability to remain calm and focused, self controlled despite destructive emotional thoughts. The ability to process them internally while remaining stoic is what we should strive for. Dealing with that emotion, not ignoring it or throwing emotional outbursts.
I understand what you mean and I love the part about the difference between having emotions and processing them accordingly. Do you think that using stoicism as a way to process negative emotions can have the side effect of bottling them up? I can't see how just being stoic is an emotional release."
It is not about a release, a release is just another form of processing an emotion.
Why is it we say that people grieve in different ways and we just accept that. Not everyone cries over a death, it doesn't mean they are not grieving, they are processing in different ways.
When somebody is terminal, or knows their end is coming. They make peace with it, not everyone has an emotional visible release over it.
Some people don't cry about death, they laugh. It's not a totally uncommon reaction to death. Some people get upset over that, but is their handling of an emotional situation wrong? They release the emotion to deal, but it goes against what others feel should be the correct way to deal.
Stoicism is about healithly dealing with emotion at the correct time in the correct way. Sharing emotions and talking through it still is stoic, it's not the lack of dealing.
Some people vilify stoicism as a lack of dealing. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't think you do. I think you just need to have the ability to move on if you don't necessarily agree with something (which isn't illegal, that's a different matter altogether).
My period is looming and I'm in a... Ah fuck it mood, anyone can do whatever they want and I won't be arsed
F |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Everyone bangs on about showing emotions, the need to show emotions, especially me.
No, showing emotions is inconsequential, the ability to process those emotions is the important thing.
Being stoic is not a bad thing, being stoic is actually extremely healthy - stoicism is not bottling shit up, it's the ability to remain calm and focused, self controlled despite destructive emotional thoughts. The ability to process them internally while remaining stoic is what we should strive for. Dealing with that emotion, not ignoring it or throwing emotional outbursts.
I understand what you mean and I love the part about the difference between having emotions and processing them accordingly. Do you think that using stoicism as a way to process negative emotions can have the side effect of bottling them up? I can't see how just being stoic is an emotional release.
It is not about a release, a release is just another form of processing an emotion.
Why is it we say that people grieve in different ways and we just accept that. Not everyone cries over a death, it doesn't mean they are not grieving, they are processing in different ways.
When somebody is terminal, or knows their end is coming. They make peace with it, not everyone has an emotional visible release over it.
Some people don't cry about death, they laugh. It's not a totally uncommon reaction to death. Some people get upset over that, but is their handling of an emotional situation wrong? They release the emotion to deal, but it goes against what others feel should be the correct way to deal.
Stoicism is about healithly dealing with emotion at the correct time in the correct way. Sharing emotions and talking through it still is stoic, it's not the lack of dealing.
Some people vilify stoicism as a lack of dealing. "
So do you see being stoic as having a thick skin? I understand people may process emotions in that way of being stoic but if we have to accept that then surely we have to accept the other ways too right? |
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"Everyone bangs on about showing emotions, the need to show emotions, especially me.
No, showing emotions is inconsequential, the ability to process those emotions is the important thing.
Being stoic is not a bad thing, being stoic is actually extremely healthy - stoicism is not bottling shit up, it's the ability to remain calm and focused, self controlled despite destructive emotional thoughts. The ability to process them internally while remaining stoic is what we should strive for. Dealing with that emotion, not ignoring it or throwing emotional outbursts.
I understand what you mean and I love the part about the difference between having emotions and processing them accordingly. Do you think that using stoicism as a way to process negative emotions can have the side effect of bottling them up? I can't see how just being stoic is an emotional release.
It is not about a release, a release is just another form of processing an emotion.
Why is it we say that people grieve in different ways and we just accept that. Not everyone cries over a death, it doesn't mean they are not grieving, they are processing in different ways.
When somebody is terminal, or knows their end is coming. They make peace with it, not everyone has an emotional visible release over it.
Some people don't cry about death, they laugh. It's not a totally uncommon reaction to death. Some people get upset over that, but is their handling of an emotional situation wrong? They release the emotion to deal, but it goes against what others feel should be the correct way to deal.
Stoicism is about healithly dealing with emotion at the correct time in the correct way. Sharing emotions and talking through it still is stoic, it's not the lack of dealing.
Some people vilify stoicism as a lack of dealing.
So do you see being stoic as having a thick skin? I understand people may process emotions in that way of being stoic but if we have to accept that then surely we have to accept the other ways too right?"
I see one as a more psychologically healthy way to be
And ultimately leading to a more fulfilled existence |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"So do you see being stoic as having a thick skin? I understand people may process emotions in that way of being stoic but if we have to accept that then surely we have to accept the other ways too right?
I see one as a more psychologically healthy way to be
And ultimately leading to a more fulfilled existence "
I completely agree. If everyone could be stoic in the way they deal with emotions, there would be fewer shouty arguments but Kai also mentioned people being naturally stoic and how stoicism is vilified. Not everyone is naturally stoic or thick skinned and probably do need that release of emotion in a non-toxic way. |
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"So do you see being stoic as having a thick skin? I understand people may process emotions in that way of being stoic but if we have to accept that then surely we have to accept the other ways too right?
I see one as a more psychologically healthy way to be
And ultimately leading to a more fulfilled existence
I completely agree. If everyone could be stoic in the way they deal with emotions, there would be fewer shouty arguments but Kai also mentioned people being naturally stoic and how stoicism is vilified. Not everyone is naturally stoic or thick skinned and probably do need that release of emotion in a non-toxic way."
Stoic people do release emotion though
And I think that can be learned |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"So do you see being stoic as having a thick skin? I understand people may process emotions in that way of being stoic but if we have to accept that then surely we have to accept the other ways too right?
I see one as a more psychologically healthy way to be
And ultimately leading to a more fulfilled existence
I completely agree. If everyone could be stoic in the way they deal with emotions, there would be fewer shouty arguments but Kai also mentioned people being naturally stoic and how stoicism is vilified. Not everyone is naturally stoic or thick skinned and probably do need that release of emotion in a non-toxic way.
Stoic people do release emotion though
And I think that can be learned "
But going back to the OP, is stoicism a sign of being thick skinned? It can be learned in an ideal world, but not everyone has the access to do it effectively. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How do you measure how thick or thin is ? "
I’ve been with bae through thick and thin, she already thick so I’m half way there.
Or
She got thick but she wanna get thin again.
|
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"Thick skin is easy.
Tolerance for pigeon chess has limits
Wtf is pigeon chess? Lol... I can't imagine the buggers stay still lol"
"Arguing with idiots is like playing chess with a pigeon. No matter how good you are, the bird is going to shit on the board and strut around like it won anyway."
This applies to one forumite in particular who is particularly loquacious with his postings, is unable to see any point but his own, and never ever answers a question in a straightforward manner. You know who you are
Frank |
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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Travelling |
"So do you see being stoic as having a thick skin? I understand people may process emotions in that way of being stoic but if we have to accept that then surely we have to accept the other ways too right?
I see one as a more psychologically healthy way to be
And ultimately leading to a more fulfilled existence
I completely agree. If everyone could be stoic in the way they deal with emotions, there would be fewer shouty arguments but Kai also mentioned people being naturally stoic and how stoicism is vilified. Not everyone is naturally stoic or thick skinned and probably do need that release of emotion in a non-toxic way.
Stoic people do release emotion though
And I think that can be learned
But going back to the OP, is stoicism a sign of being thick skinned? It can be learned in an ideal world, but not everyone has the access to do it effectively."
Indeed it can. It's easier for some more than others obviously. Many Buddhists are quite stoic
They are linked but in more of a way that the thick skin allows you to process instead of just not caring. It's not impenetrable, but it dampens the impact. Stops the blade hitting the nerve
Being stoic is another form of emotional intelligence. The control of emotions.
Think of it more along the lines of "Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear". |
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"Thick skin is easy.
Tolerance for pigeon chess has limits
Wtf is pigeon chess? Lol... I can't imagine the buggers stay still lol
"Arguing with idiots is like playing chess with a pigeon. No matter how good you are, the bird is going to shit on the board and strut around like it won anyway."
This applies to one forumite in particular who is particularly loquacious with his postings, is unable to see any point but his own, and never ever answers a question in a straightforward manner. You know who you are
Frank"
Lol.. thank you for the explanation that makes sense |
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"What does having a thick skin mean to you and do you have it?"
I’m indifferent to others’ opinions. What they think of me (or anything else) is none of my business, so I don’t concern myself with it.
Worrying about what others think or say about you is the quick way to the funny farm. |
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"So do you see being stoic as having a thick skin? I understand people may process emotions in that way of being stoic but if we have to accept that then surely we have to accept the other ways too right?
I see one as a more psychologically healthy way to be
And ultimately leading to a more fulfilled existence
I completely agree. If everyone could be stoic in the way they deal with emotions, there would be fewer shouty arguments but Kai also mentioned people being naturally stoic and how stoicism is vilified. Not everyone is naturally stoic or thick skinned and probably do need that release of emotion in a non-toxic way.
Stoic people do release emotion though
And I think that can be learned
But going back to the OP, is stoicism a sign of being thick skinned? It can be learned in an ideal world, but not everyone has the access to do it effectively.
Indeed it can. It's easier for some more than others obviously. Many Buddhists are quite stoic
They are linked but in more of a way that the thick skin allows you to process instead of just not caring. It's not impenetrable, but it dampens the impact. Stops the blade hitting the nerve
Being stoic is another form of emotional intelligence. The control of emotions.
Think of it more along the lines of "Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear"."
Quite so. And stoicism is a learnable set of skills. We teach it as a fundamental part of the work we do. |
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"Thick skin is easy.
Tolerance for pigeon chess has limits
Wtf is pigeon chess? Lol... I can't imagine the buggers stay still lol
"Arguing with idiots is like playing chess with a pigeon. No matter how good you are, the bird is going to shit on the board and strut around like it won anyway."
This applies to one forumite in particular who is particularly loquacious with his postings, is unable to see any point but his own, and never ever answers a question in a straightforward manner. You know who you are
Frank
Lol.. thank you for the explanation that makes sense
"
Good job that Fabber has a fairly thick skin Frank lol. You can spend good time cutting down your explanations when someone who keeps mocking you demands shorter and shorter (even down to a line or two), but when it's always going to be the *wrong* explanation, what can you do?
pt |
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By *ndycoinsMan
over a year ago
Whaley Bridge,Nr Buxton, |
Don't take any of it seriously.From pomposity to virtue signalling,imagined intellectual superiority to the "drama" of inventing an argument.Watching paint dry is the best option sometimes,at least you can get high off the solvent. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Thick skin to be in here…
The thickest skin on the human body is the hand and the foot.
Pol pot killed anyone with soft hands.
I think the ten thick skins could be attributed to ‘Hardened’ ‘Used’ Dead’
Thick skinned is not progressive.
Emotionally and socially articulate is the way forward with a sprinkling of respectful.
Supple and soft xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Thick skin to be in here…
The thickest skin on the human body is the hand and the foot.
Pol pot killed anyone with soft hands.
I think the ten thick skins could be attributed to ‘Hardened’ ‘Used’ Dead’
Thick skinned is not progressive.
Emotionally and socially articulate is the way forward with a sprinkling of respectful.
Supple and soft xxx |
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"Genuinely love the different opinions on here as to what a thick skin means to everyone and especially the subjects you need to have a thick skin about.
I suppose the question(s) came about because I can be quite emotional about certain things on here and the idea of having a thick skin means blocking out negative emotions and only seeing the good in order to push on, but feel that's quite robotic and can be used as an attempt to dismiss genuine feelings you might have."
I guess my generation places much less value on the virtual world and are less likely to form connections on line. It follows that we place less importance on what people say to us on line |
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hence why it’s elastic 
