FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Letting people 'in'
Letting people 'in'
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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How easy do you find it ?
Do you trust on sight or do you take a more calculated / cautious approach ?
Or perhaps more interestingly, are you usually calculated / cautious, but have had someone come along and completely disarm you ?
Am not talking swinging as such, just relationships in general. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I let them in just so far but always on my guard and i cant see me changing anytime soon. People have to prove themselves to me over time, only then do i start trusting. (but never fully~)  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Never do it im terrible i close up to everything but i know i do it.
But when i wasn't looking and never thought i would want to get into anything along came a guy n knocked the wind out of me.
I like him and i know he likes me and we get on a treat and have lot of fun together but i don't speak about feelings and emotions and when he tries i tend to laugh it off and change the subject  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I used to let anyone in but from past experiences I have now because cautious and will only let people I know can't hurt me know how I'm feeling.
Let my FWB in a little and felt so content with him for him to crush me at the weekend, so that will teach me for letting anyone close to me  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Im close to those who know me best but i still dont give fully, i always keep 90% to myself  "
But from what I've read of your contributions here over the last 18 months Peaches, 10 % of you is still worth having  |
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By *aceytopWoman
over a year ago
from a town near you |
if its in everyday life i trust whoever i meet and give people the benfit of the doubt until proven otherwise,but i can take an instant dislike to someone and iv never been wrong.i have been called too trusting for my own good and quite often that has proved true |
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I'm happy to talk about me and sex and how I can be involved. I occasionally let slip my feelings about situations to women. I'm discreet about stuff but with no names ever mentioned, have chatted a little about sexual things I've done. Potential enquiries about my family are not answered except in the very broadest and vaguest of terms as it's not relevant. I never mention StarWars. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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ive been hurt pretty bad in the past and although i might at times put on a front and make out that im confident and trusting im quite the opposite. Very insecure and have my guard well up.
Im not proud but have even 'honey trapped' someone to see if he was genuine and sincere about his thoughts and feelings for me. Soon as i done it i felt like total shit, but hand on heart needed that little bit of extra reassurance at the time else id still be questioning and wondering. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"if its in everyday life i trust whoever i meet and give people the benfit of the doubt until proven otherwise,but i can take an instant dislike to someone and iv never been wrong.i have been called too trusting for my own good and quite often that has proved true"
I'm a bit of a bugger on the instant dislike front Lacey.
I make my mind up about people very quickly.
Even with those I do like, the barriers tend to be up though and let very little slip in 'real life' until I feel secure that they can be trusted and don't have an agenda or ulterior motives.
I can see Views point too tho - it is very easy to be open on these forums and I too have been guilty of lowering my guard for all to see. |
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By *aceytopWoman
over a year ago
from a town near you |
i think on here you have to be a bit careful what you say but im so trusting of people i sometimes find it hard to be like that so i just dont post
funny thing is with my best friend when i first met her i was very wary of her and she has been the best thing thats ever happened to me,wev seen each other through some rough times and my loyalty knows no bounds to true friends |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have been a VERY garded person all my life . Then 2 years a go I got blind sided and to this day I have no ider how he got under my skin . Any way he turned out to be a right player and now still comes in and out of my life when he wants and I still let him if I could get him out of my head I would and I will NEVER make this mistake again !!! |
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I am fortunate in the real world I have two best friends with whom I share anything and everything...Other than that I let nobody in....They might think they are but there are ALWAYS barriers up....self protection... |
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On here I'm cagey and usually right about people.
In real life, I have only taken against someone once on sight and am pleased to say I was wrong as the lady is now my best friend and I am Godmother to her beautiful daughter.
Otherwise I am right, if I look at someone and say they will shit on me, they usually do |
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
Great thread, Bussy.
I am quite an open person and as such I allow people in quite easily even though I have found that some people later disappointed me and I had to let go of them.
Having said that I would not want to be a "prisoner" of that and therefore, I promised myself to continue to be open and take people at face value.
I do have a handful of friends with whom I would share virtually anything but then I have known them for many years. |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"Great thread, Bussy.
I am quite an open person and as such I allow people in quite easily even though I have found that some people later disappointed me and I had to let go of them.
Having said that I would not want to be a "prisoner" of that and therefore, I promised myself to continue to be open and take people at face value.
I do have a handful of friends with whom I would share virtually anything but then I have known them for many years. "
This is me too. I also wonder how much I let myself in. I know there are people offering me friendships that I hold back on. It's a two way process. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I let everyone in. It's always ends up making things more painful but I won't stop doing it as you never know which one could be "the one" I wouldn't want to go trough the rest of my life being scared to open up. Just do it and take the pain I say. Over all I think it names me a happier person in or out of a relationship x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Me not letting people in isnt so much because i have been hurt or done the dirty on...its because i lost my partner years ago and i don't ever want to feel for someone like that again or go through that grief.
I think i spent so much time just me and the kids it has become a way of life and letting anyone into that would be a huge difference. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm usually pretty good at working people out - even a woman who has become a diagnosed psychopath. Not the Fred west type, and I've already read a post in this thread that sounds like the lady had got herself a psychopath bloke.
Thomas Sheridan is an authority and author, googling his stuff may ring a few bells |
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By *aris23Woman
over a year ago
France |
I'm pretty nervous about letting people into the inner me, however I'm quite open and honest about myself to anyone who asks.
Like many people here I have had my fingers burnt and my heart decimated by people unworthy of my affection so now it is a very special person indeed who gets under my defences.
It's a shame because I'm sure there are many genuine people out there who, given the opportunity, would make fantastic friends or more. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How easy do you find it ?
Do you trust on sight or do you take a more calculated / cautious approach ?
Or perhaps more interestingly, are you usually calculated / cautious, but have had someone come along and completely disarm you ?
Am not talking swinging as such, just relationships in general."
i dont trust anyone except my family,not even friends! |
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I am sometimes too trusting attributing my own values of discretion etc to other people and that can lead to me being disappointed and let down.
As far as letting people in goes I give a good impression of it but there are very few people who have gained my absolute trust and are allowed to see my vulnerability, I can count them on the fingers of one hand. |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
I have been burnt in the past for being too trusting so it is now a case of DTA
"Dont trust anyone......"
Trust and Respect are very much two things that now have to be earned.....
right side of me and you would be hard pressed to find someone as loyal and always there if you need me....
but i am not someone you want to cross or try to make a fool of.... |
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I do try and be as open as possible. Been burnt a few times but in my thinking if you can not be open with someone you not got much chance of building something worthwhile.
But I can understand why people are guarded. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I dont trust anyone. I can be pretty friendly and open but in reality usually keep the real me away at arms length until someone shows me they are a real mate. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This looked like a really simple question but the more I think about it the less sure I am lol!
I don't think I get overly attached to people so I think I'm pretty much open about myself cos I don't feel I have anything to lose by not being.
That makes me sound a bit crap lol! and I do wonder sometimes why I don't care as much as I probably should but there it is. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm very guarded, you have to earn my trust. Also have a very finely honed bullshit detector, the challenge is listening to it when the heart wants otherwise! But have learnt from experience to pay close attention to it and its not usually wrong. Probably too guarded but better safe than sorry.
I dated a psychopath also, realised on second date and got the hell out. |
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