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Stop fucking staring
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"tbh it must of creeped you out staring you that amount of time rude too" When I was in the 2nd shop, I felt throughly creeped out. I often have panic attacks when I'm at a shop but I was feeling calm and then this dickhead pops up! | |||
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"tbh it must of creeped you out staring you that amount of time rude too When I was in the 2nd shop, I felt throughly creeped out. I often have panic attacks when I'm at a shop but I was feeling calm and then this dickhead pops up! " ,, pepper spray next time,, | |||
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"tbh it must of creeped you out staring you that amount of time rude too When I was in the 2nd shop, I felt throughly creeped out. I often have panic attacks when I'm at a shop but I was feeling calm and then this dickhead pops up! ,, pepper spray next time,," in a SHOP? For staring? Seems a bit OTT. I just thought when I'd absolutely refused to look at him he'd get the effing message! | |||
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"I think we should normalise calling people out for staring like this A quick, can you stop staring at me please you're making me uncomfortable, loudly so other people can hear you often does the trick " Honestly Tess I wish I'd have the guts to say that. We were the only customers, and two female employees. | |||
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I’m sorry that this is your reality. Sounds terrifying | |||
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"Obviously I wasn’t there to see the dynamic and it clearly disturbed you (so I’m sorry that you did feel uncomfortable) but, to give him initial benefit of the doubt, maybe he doesn’t remember that, it could be one of those “oh my god I know you from somewhere (innocent like work or school or whatever) but really can’t put my finger on it, maybe if she sees me she’ll recognise me” It sounds like he was (reasonably) polite in what he said to you, and it’s unclear if he dropped it and left you alone after you said you couldn’t help him and left. But maybe he’s just a bit socially awkward, maybe he didn’t mean to be rude by staring … Who knows? But yeah on the face of it following you around the store might have been somewhat inappropriate, particularly if he DID know where he recognised you from. So I’m glad it didn’t escalate any further of course. But hey, I like to think positively of most people so maybe it was just a case of “gah I know I know her, but can’t think where” rather than deliberate toxic masculinity..?" I can understand a second or third look if you can't figure out where you know the person from. He STARED at me non-stop in two separate shops though, Dan. Can you see why I am angry? | |||
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"That's awful. Even if he recognised you, that is not acceptable behaviour whether someone is on their own or not. No wonder it upset you. Sadly the word is full of strange people " I guess I posted because I was upset and needed to check if I was justified.  | |||
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"Obviously I wasn’t there to see the dynamic and it clearly disturbed you (so I’m sorry that you did feel uncomfortable) but, to give him initial benefit of the doubt, maybe he doesn’t remember that, it could be one of those “oh my god I know you from somewhere (innocent like work or school or whatever) but really can’t put my finger on it, maybe if she sees me she’ll recognise me” It sounds like he was (reasonably) polite in what he said to you, and it’s unclear if he dropped it and left you alone after you said you couldn’t help him and left. But maybe he’s just a bit socially awkward, maybe he didn’t mean to be rude by staring … Who knows? But yeah on the face of it following you around the store might have been somewhat inappropriate, particularly if he DID know where he recognised you from. So I’m glad it didn’t escalate any further of course. But hey, I like to think positively of most people so maybe it was just a case of “gah I know I know her, but can’t think where” rather than deliberate toxic masculinity..? I can understand a second or third look if you can't figure out where you know the person from. He STARED at me non-stop in two separate shops though, Dan. Can you see why I am angry? " Yes, Sally, of course I can. Like I say it clearly disturbed you and I’m glad it didn’t escalate into an even more sinister incident. But we only have one side of the story and have no idea of his (true) motives. But it does sound very inappropriate on the face of it | |||
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"Obviously I wasn’t there to see the dynamic and it clearly disturbed you (so I’m sorry that you did feel uncomfortable) but, to give him initial benefit of the doubt, maybe he doesn’t remember that, it could be one of those “oh my god I know you from somewhere (innocent like work or school or whatever) but really can’t put my finger on it, maybe if she sees me she’ll recognise me” It sounds like he was (reasonably) polite in what he said to you, and it’s unclear if he dropped it and left you alone after you said you couldn’t help him and left. But maybe he’s just a bit socially awkward, maybe he didn’t mean to be rude by staring … Who knows? But yeah on the face of it following you around the store might have been somewhat inappropriate, particularly if he DID know where he recognised you from. So I’m glad it didn’t escalate any further of course. But hey, I like to think positively of most people so maybe it was just a case of “gah I know I know her, but can’t think where” rather than deliberate toxic masculinity..?" I wondered this too. Depends on the scenario, OP will know how it felt. I'm really bad at recognising people so I know it happens. It's embarrassing. But I don't follow people round shops.. | |||
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"That's awful. Even if he recognised you, that is not acceptable behaviour whether someone is on their own or not. No wonder it upset you. Sadly the word is full of strange people I guess I posted because I was upset and needed to check if I was justified. "I am sure you are perfectly justified. To be honest I would be the same. Perhaps not straight away but the fact that you tried so evidently to avoid him and kept petsisting is not acceptable. Unless he had some sort of mental issue, nobody in their right mind will persistently do that. However now that is off your chest, don't let it bother you and cause you unecessary further distress. | |||
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"Hence a good reason I would never show my face publicly on here. He should of realised acting like that could make a woman feel very uncomfortable. There's one thing having a 2bd glance but staring is just rude." He has messaged me here (said no also!!) but I don't show my face. | |||
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"No face pics anywhere. Unfortunately sign of the time's pictures posted here there and everywhere, combined with everyone interacting online with know clue how to act socially face to face ( only need to go to a club night to see how creepy some guys can be even with a partner present) People's inability to know boundaries,the fact thread's have been on here many times asking if it's okay to approach someone in public if you recognise them from fab (NO IT'S FUCKING NOT) So this guy acting like a fucking stalker innocent or not isn't on. People just don't get boundaries at all. How can a guy in this day and age not realise how that would creep someone out,in fact he did because he knew this when he said ask the staff! " Yep. | |||
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"No face pics anywhere. Unfortunately sign of the time's pictures posted here there and everywhere, combined with everyone interacting online with know clue how to act socially face to face ( only need to go to a club night to see how creepy some guys can be even with a partner present) People's inability to know boundaries,the fact thread's have been on here many times asking if it's okay to approach someone in public if you recognise them from fab (NO IT'S FUCKING NOT) So this guy acting like a fucking stalker innocent or not isn't on. People just don't get boundaries at all. How can a guy in this day and age not realise how that would creep someone out,in fact he did because he knew this when he said ask the staff! " *No clue* | |||
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"Obviously I wasn’t there to see the dynamic and it clearly disturbed you (so I’m sorry that you did feel uncomfortable) but, to give him initial benefit of the doubt, maybe he doesn’t remember that, it could be one of those “oh my god I know you from somewhere (innocent like work or school or whatever) but really can’t put my finger on it, maybe if she sees me she’ll recognise me” It sounds like he was (reasonably) polite in what he said to you, and it’s unclear if he dropped it and left you alone after you said you couldn’t help him and left. But maybe he’s just a bit socially awkward, maybe he didn’t mean to be rude by staring … Who knows? But yeah on the face of it following you around the store might have been somewhat inappropriate, particularly if he DID know where he recognised you from. So I’m glad it didn’t escalate any further of course. But hey, I like to think positively of most people so maybe it was just a case of “gah I know I know her, but can’t think where” rather than deliberate toxic masculinity..? I can understand a second or third look if you can't figure out where you know the person from. He STARED at me non-stop in two separate shops though, Dan. Can you see why I am angry? Yes, Sally, of course I can. Like I say it clearly disturbed you and I’m glad it didn’t escalate into an even more sinister incident. But we only have one side of the story and have no idea of his (true) motives. But it does sound very inappropriate on the face of it "I take your point about one side of the story but what do you think his true motives might have been following a lone woman round two shops while staring at her? | |||
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" I take your point about one side of the story but what do you think his true motives might have been following a lone woman round two shops while staring at her? " I have no idea. They may have been truly sinister or awkwardly unaware of how uncomfortable they were making the OP. I’ve said on every reply so far, and now making it a trio, that on the face of it, it does seem inappropriate. However, the best piece of advice I ever got when taking on the management of a large team at work, was try to put yourself in other peoples shoes and try to understand their perspective before jumping to conclusions or making decisions. The number of times I’ve heard one half of a story and on the face of it it’s cut and dried. But when you get to hear the other side a very different perspective of the situation can become apparent. Not that I’m saying that’s happened here. The OP was clearly alarmed and for that I do absolutely appreciate her position and regret that she had to feel that way. From the way it’s been described, from her perspective, the behaviour does sounds inappropriate for sure. | |||
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"tbh it must of creeped you out staring you that amount of time rude too When I was in the 2nd shop, I felt throughly creeped out. I often have panic attacks when I'm at a shop but I was feeling calm and then this dickhead pops up! ,, pepper spray next time,, in a SHOP? For staring? Seems a bit OTT. I just thought when I'd absolutely refused to look at him he'd get the effing message!"Unfortunately if he was THAT socially inept your deliberate avoidance might have been lost on him as well, which might explain why he kept on trying to get into your field of vision/catch your eye. Is why I agree that calling it out there and then, "why are you staring at me?" is the best way to defuse this (and you'd have had some release so wouldn't be seething on it 24 hours later). Very difficult to do though, because it feels confrontational (esp when you didn't even want to acknowledge his presence to begin with), and potentially dangerous. It is unfortunate that we have to actively set boundaries like that, effectively it's trying to train or educate on something that most people understand. Alternatively if he was aware of your discomfort and was stalking you regardless, that's the trickiest situation and I think not engaging at all was the the better call. If you're still angry or scared about it you can ask the shop assistants about it too, they can give you their witness and maybe an impartial perspective (and also yes, let us know if they think he is a weirdo or not! Be curious to know). Hope you don't run into him again. | |||
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" I take your point about one side of the story but what do you think his true motives might have been following a lone woman round two shops while staring at her? I have no idea. They may have been truly sinister or awkwardly unaware of how uncomfortable they were making the OP. I’ve said on every reply so far, and now making it a trio, that on the face of it, it does seem inappropriate. However, the best piece of advice I ever got when taking on the management of a large team at work, was try to put yourself in other peoples shoes and try to understand their perspective before jumping to conclusions or making decisions. The number of times I’ve heard one half of a story and on the face of it it’s cut and dried. But when you get to hear the other side a very different perspective of the situation can become apparent. Not that I’m saying that’s happened here. The OP was clearly alarmed and for that I do absolutely appreciate her position and regret that she had to feel that way. From the way it’s been described, from her perspective, the behaviour does sounds inappropriate for sure. " I think my response is possibly informed by the number of times I've witnessed women saying men's behaviour has frightened them and it being explained away or excused as not being meant as it seemed. Of course in work situations we should try and put ourselves in others shoes but for many women jumping to conclusions has actually saved their bacon. | |||
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" I take your point about one side of the story but what do you think his true motives might have been following a lone woman round two shops while staring at her? I have no idea. They may have been truly sinister or awkwardly unaware of how uncomfortable they were making the OP. I’ve said on every reply so far, and now making it a trio, that on the face of it, it does seem inappropriate. However, the best piece of advice I ever got when taking on the management of a large team at work, was try to put yourself in other peoples shoes and try to understand their perspective before jumping to conclusions or making decisions. The number of times I’ve heard one half of a story and on the face of it it’s cut and dried. But when you get to hear the other side a very different perspective of the situation can become apparent. Not that I’m saying that’s happened here. The OP was clearly alarmed and for that I do absolutely appreciate her position and regret that she had to feel that way. From the way it’s been described, from her perspective, the behaviour does sounds inappropriate for sure. I think my response is possibly informed by the number of times I've witnessed women saying men's behaviour has frightened them and it being explained away or excused as not being meant as it seemed. Of course in work situations we should try and put ourselves in others shoes but for many women jumping to conclusions has actually saved their bacon. " of course I absolutely get that!
The OP was right to walk away and avoid confrontation for sure, safety is paramount. If in doubt, play safe every time.
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" I take your point about one side of the story but what do you think his true motives might have been following a lone woman round two shops while staring at her? I have no idea. They may have been truly sinister or awkwardly unaware of how uncomfortable they were making the OP. I’ve said on every reply so far, and now making it a trio, that on the face of it, it does seem inappropriate. However, the best piece of advice I ever got when taking on the management of a large team at work, was try to put yourself in other peoples shoes and try to understand their perspective before jumping to conclusions or making decisions. The number of times I’ve heard one half of a story and on the face of it it’s cut and dried. But when you get to hear the other side a very different perspective of the situation can become apparent. Not that I’m saying that’s happened here. The OP was clearly alarmed and for that I do absolutely appreciate her position and regret that she had to feel that way. From the way it’s been described, from her perspective, the behaviour does sounds inappropriate for sure. " I've worked in people management too. Sometimes you discover that the other person's shoes belong to a nasty and vindictive individual | |||
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"Screw looses all the time.. I was stalked in library.. Waited for me wanted to go for coffee.. Hence I do not meet locals.. This place is small knitt community.. " Oh that sounds a horrible experience!  | |||
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"Obviously I wasn’t there to see the dynamic and it clearly disturbed you (so I’m sorry that you did feel uncomfortable) but, to give him initial benefit of the doubt, maybe he doesn’t remember that, it could be one of those “oh my god I know you from somewhere (innocent like work or school or whatever) but really can’t put my finger on it, maybe if she sees me she’ll recognise me” It sounds like he was (reasonably) polite in what he said to you, and it’s unclear if he dropped it and left you alone after you said you couldn’t help him and left. But maybe he’s just a bit socially awkward, maybe he didn’t mean to be rude by staring … Who knows? But yeah on the face of it following you around the store might have been somewhat inappropriate, particularly if he DID know where he recognised you from. So I’m glad it didn’t escalate any further of course. But hey, I like to think positively of most people so maybe it was just a case of “gah I know I know her, but can’t think where” rather than deliberate toxic masculinity..? I can understand a second or third look if you can't figure out where you know the person from. He STARED at me non-stop in two separate shops though, Dan. Can you see why I am angry? Yes, Sally, of course I can. Like I say it clearly disturbed you and I’m glad it didn’t escalate into an even more sinister incident. But we only have one side of the story and have no idea of his (true) motives. But it does sound very inappropriate on the face of it
I take your point about one side of the story but what do you think his true motives might have been following a lone woman round two shops while staring at her? "My guess is he was socially inept and gave no thought to how I'd feel. He was just focussed on what he wanted to know about me. I'm not excusing that fairly selfish behaviour though. | |||
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"Yeah that's weird, hope he didn't see you get into a specific car on a specific bus etc " I was checking to see that he didn't. Realised when I got home that my name and address were on the prescription bag I was carrying though. But there's nothing I can do now if he saw it. | |||
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"Obviously I wasn’t there to see the dynamic and it clearly disturbed you (so I’m sorry that you did feel uncomfortable) but, to give him initial benefit of the doubt, maybe he doesn’t remember that, it could be one of those “oh my god I know you from somewhere (innocent like work or school or whatever) but really can’t put my finger on it, maybe if she sees me she’ll recognise me” It sounds like he was (reasonably) polite in what he said to you, and it’s unclear if he dropped it and left you alone after you said you couldn’t help him and left. But maybe he’s just a bit socially awkward, maybe he didn’t mean to be rude by staring … Who knows? But yeah on the face of it following you around the store might have been somewhat inappropriate, particularly if he DID know where he recognised you from. So I’m glad it didn’t escalate any further of course. But hey, I like to think positively of most people so maybe it was just a case of “gah I know I know her, but can’t think where” rather than deliberate toxic masculinity..? I can understand a second or third look if you can't figure out where you know the person from. He STARED at me non-stop in two separate shops though, Dan. Can you see why I am angry? Yes, Sally, of course I can. Like I say it clearly disturbed you and I’m glad it didn’t escalate into an even more sinister incident. But we only have one side of the story and have no idea of his (true) motives. But it does sound very inappropriate on the face of it
I take your point about one side of the story but what do you think his true motives might have been following a lone woman round two shops while staring at her?
My guess is he was socially inept and gave no thought to how I'd feel. He was just focussed on what he wanted to know about me. I'm not excusing that fairly selfish behaviour though. "You're more generous than I would be under the circumstances. I posted recently about a special needs guy who regularly came into a shop I worked in . He told me that he wouldn't speak to me if he saw me outside if the shop because his mum had told him that women don't have to know you in the street. It's a shame nobody told that to this guy. | |||
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"Obviously I wasn’t there to see the dynamic and it clearly disturbed you (so I’m sorry that you did feel uncomfortable) but, to give him initial benefit of the doubt, maybe he doesn’t remember that, it could be one of those “oh my god I know you from somewhere (innocent like work or school or whatever) but really can’t put my finger on it, maybe if she sees me she’ll recognise me” It sounds like he was (reasonably) polite in what he said to you, and it’s unclear if he dropped it and left you alone after you said you couldn’t help him and left. But maybe he’s just a bit socially awkward, maybe he didn’t mean to be rude by staring … Who knows? But yeah on the face of it following you around the store might have been somewhat inappropriate, particularly if he DID know where he recognised you from. So I’m glad it didn’t escalate any further of course. But hey, I like to think positively of most people so maybe it was just a case of “gah I know I know her, but can’t think where” rather than deliberate toxic masculinity..? I can understand a second or third look if you can't figure out where you know the person from. He STARED at me non-stop in two separate shops though, Dan. Can you see why I am angry? Yes, Sally, of course I can. Like I say it clearly disturbed you and I’m glad it didn’t escalate into an even more sinister incident. But we only have one side of the story and have no idea of his (true) motives. But it does sound very inappropriate on the face of it
I take your point about one side of the story but what do you think his true motives might have been following a lone woman round two shops while staring at her?
My guess is he was socially inept and gave no thought to how I'd feel. He was just focussed on what he wanted to know about me. I'm not excusing that fairly selfish behaviour though.
You're more generous than I would be under the circumstances.
I posted recently about a special needs guy who regularly came into a shop I worked in . He told me that he wouldn't speak to me if he saw me outside if the shop because his mum had told him that women don't have to know you in the street. It's a shame nobody told that to this guy. "It's a shame nobody says that to all guys. | |||
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"Obviously I wasn’t there to see the dynamic and it clearly disturbed you (so I’m sorry that you did feel uncomfortable) but, to give him initial benefit of the doubt, maybe he doesn’t remember that, it could be one of those “oh my god I know you from somewhere (innocent like work or school or whatever) but really can’t put my finger on it, maybe if she sees me she’ll recognise me” It sounds like he was (reasonably) polite in what he said to you, and it’s unclear if he dropped it and left you alone after you said you couldn’t help him and left. But maybe he’s just a bit socially awkward, maybe he didn’t mean to be rude by staring … Who knows? But yeah on the face of it following you around the store might have been somewhat inappropriate, particularly if he DID know where he recognised you from. So I’m glad it didn’t escalate any further of course. But hey, I like to think positively of most people so maybe it was just a case of “gah I know I know her, but can’t think where” rather than deliberate toxic masculinity..? I can understand a second or third look if you can't figure out where you know the person from. He STARED at me non-stop in two separate shops though, Dan. Can you see why I am angry? Yes, Sally, of course I can. Like I say it clearly disturbed you and I’m glad it didn’t escalate into an even more sinister incident. But we only have one side of the story and have no idea of his (true) motives. But it does sound very inappropriate on the face of it
I take your point about one side of the story but what do you think his true motives might have been following a lone woman round two shops while staring at her?
My guess is he was socially inept and gave no thought to how I'd feel. He was just focussed on what he wanted to know about me. I'm not excusing that fairly selfish behaviour though.
You're more generous than I would be under the circumstances.
I posted recently about a special needs guy who regularly came into a shop I worked in . He told me that he wouldn't speak to me if he saw me outside if the shop because his mum had told him that women don't have to know you in the street. It's a shame nobody told that to this guy.
It's a shame nobody says that to all guys."Very true Mrs O. Very true | |||
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"Obviously I wasn’t there to see the dynamic and it clearly disturbed you (so I’m sorry that you did feel uncomfortable) but, to give him initial benefit of the doubt, maybe he doesn’t remember that, it could be one of those “oh my god I know you from somewhere (innocent like work or school or whatever) but really can’t put my finger on it, maybe if she sees me she’ll recognise me” It sounds like he was (reasonably) polite in what he said to you, and it’s unclear if he dropped it and left you alone after you said you couldn’t help him and left. But maybe he’s just a bit socially awkward, maybe he didn’t mean to be rude by staring … Who knows? But yeah on the face of it following you around the store might have been somewhat inappropriate, particularly if he DID know where he recognised you from. So I’m glad it didn’t escalate any further of course. But hey, I like to think positively of most people so maybe it was just a case of “gah I know I know her, but can’t think where” rather than deliberate toxic masculinity..? I can understand a second or third look if you can't figure out where you know the person from. He STARED at me non-stop in two separate shops though, Dan. Can you see why I am angry? Yes, Sally, of course I can. Like I say it clearly disturbed you and I’m glad it didn’t escalate into an even more sinister incident. But we only have one side of the story and have no idea of his (true) motives. But it does sound very inappropriate on the face of it
I take your point about one side of the story but what do you think his true motives might have been following a lone woman round two shops while staring at her?
My guess is he was socially inept and gave no thought to how I'd feel. He was just focussed on what he wanted to know about me. I'm not excusing that fairly selfish behaviour though.
You're more generous than I would be under the circumstances.
I posted recently about a special needs guy who regularly came into a shop I worked in . He told me that he wouldn't speak to me if he saw me outside if the shop because his mum had told him that women don't have to know you in the street. It's a shame nobody told that to this guy. "I reverted to people pleaser excuse the behaviour then, didn't I? Damn me. I think special needs still means people can follow rules, just as that guy did because his mum taught him a rule. This guy just thought his needs mattered more than my comfort. And that's what guys do every day when they stare or tell us to smile etc. Because there are so many guys who don't make women uncomfortable. Who would go out of their way to avoid that. | |||
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"Stare back, I find that really freaks them out too "I thought if I put my head down, he'd get bored and leave me be.  | |||
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"Is it possible he was neurodivergent and unaware of social cues?" Why're you seeking an excuse for his behaviour? Neurodivergent people are perfectly able to learn to be appropriate. | |||
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"Stare back, I find that really freaks them out too
I thought if I put my head down, he'd get bored and leave me be. "Some men never take that, or just looking massively uncomfortable as a hint... Direct and to the point is the way to go... I can't be afraid anymore, it's not fair  | |||
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"I think we should normalise calling people out for staring like this A quick, can you stop staring at me please you're making me uncomfortable, loudly so other people can hear you often does the trick " Or it can escalate the situation greatly.In the real world there isn't a screen and distance between you.If you are prepared for and can handle the consequences,say something. | |||
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"Obviously I wasn’t there to see the dynamic and it clearly disturbed you (so I’m sorry that you did feel uncomfortable) but, to give him initial benefit of the doubt, maybe he doesn’t remember that, it could be one of those “oh my god I know you from somewhere (innocent like work or school or whatever) but really can’t put my finger on it, maybe if she sees me she’ll recognise me” It sounds like he was (reasonably) polite in what he said to you, and it’s unclear if he dropped it and left you alone after you said you couldn’t help him and left. But maybe he’s just a bit socially awkward, maybe he didn’t mean to be rude by staring … Who knows? But yeah on the face of it following you around the store might have been somewhat inappropriate, particularly if he DID know where he recognised you from. So I’m glad it didn’t escalate any further of course. But hey, I like to think positively of most people so maybe it was just a case of “gah I know I know her, but can’t think where” rather than deliberate toxic masculinity..? I can understand a second or third look if you can't figure out where you know the person from. He STARED at me non-stop in two separate shops though, Dan. Can you see why I am angry? Yes, Sally, of course I can. Like I say it clearly disturbed you and I’m glad it didn’t escalate into an even more sinister incident. But we only have one side of the story and have no idea of his (true) motives. But it does sound very inappropriate on the face of it
I take your point about one side of the story but what do you think his true motives might have been following a lone woman round two shops while staring at her?
My guess is he was socially inept and gave no thought to how I'd feel. He was just focussed on what he wanted to know about me. I'm not excusing that fairly selfish behaviour though.
You're more generous than I would be under the circumstances.
I posted recently about a special needs guy who regularly came into a shop I worked in . He told me that he wouldn't speak to me if he saw me outside if the shop because his mum had told him that women don't have to know you in the street. It's a shame nobody told that to this guy.
I reverted to people pleaser excuse the behaviour then, didn't I? Damn me.
I think special needs still means people can follow rules, just as that guy did because his mum taught him a rule. This guy just thought his needs mattered more than my comfort. And that's what guys do every day when they stare or tell us to smile etc. Because there are so many guys who don't make women uncomfortable. Who would go out of their way to avoid that. "We're taught from birth to be 'nice' you've even been encouraged in this thread to consider his side. If he'd followed a man round in the same way he'd probably have been called out within seconds | |||
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"Is it possible he was neurodivergent and unaware of social cues? Why're you seeking an excuse for his behaviour? Neurodivergent people are perfectly able to learn to be appropriate. " It was alternative explanation rather than an excuse | |||
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" I'm about to go and pay when he says "sorry if I'm staring but your face is SO familiar, these ladies know me, I'm not a weirdo". Without looking at him I quietly say I can't help him and quickly pay for my stuff and leave. " I'm so sorry, that sounds like a harrowing experience. Not sure why he thought saying "I'm not a weirdo" would make you believe him when his actions gave the opposite impression. A shop is the last place I expect someone wants to interact with a stranger. I know I'd rather concentrate on remembering to get all the things I need before leaving. | |||
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"Obviously I wasn’t there to see the dynamic and it clearly disturbed you (so I’m sorry that you did feel uncomfortable) but, to give him initial benefit of the doubt, maybe he doesn’t remember that, it could be one of those “oh my god I know you from somewhere (innocent like work or school or whatever) but really can’t put my finger on it, maybe if she sees me she’ll recognise me” It sounds like he was (reasonably) polite in what he said to you, and it’s unclear if he dropped it and left you alone after you said you couldn’t help him and left. But maybe he’s just a bit socially awkward, maybe he didn’t mean to be rude by staring … Who knows? But yeah on the face of it following you around the store might have been somewhat inappropriate, particularly if he DID know where he recognised you from. So I’m glad it didn’t escalate any further of course. But hey, I like to think positively of most people so maybe it was just a case of “gah I know I know her, but can’t think where” rather than deliberate toxic masculinity..?" Would you be OK if a man followed you around two shops, staring at you? What if he was a huge, brute of a man? | |||
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"Stare back, I find that really freaks them out too
I thought if I put my head down, he'd get bored and leave me be.
Some men never take that, or just looking massively uncomfortable as a hint... Direct and to the point is the way to go... I can't be afraid anymore, it's not fair "I've taken the stay low and avoid hassle approach for a few years. Still doesn't work. And I'm in my 50s, like isn't it supposed to settle down when women get older? | |||
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" I'm about to go and pay when he says "sorry if I'm staring but your face is SO familiar, these ladies know me, I'm not a weirdo". Without looking at him I quietly say I can't help him and quickly pay for my stuff and leave. I'm so sorry, that sounds like a harrowing experience. Not sure why he thought saying "I'm not a weirdo" would make you believe him when his actions gave the opposite impression. A shop is the last place I expect someone wants to interact with a stranger. I know I'd rather concentrate on remembering to get all the things I need before leaving." It wasn't harrowing, just very uncomfortable. Although I shouldn't feel that way just popping to a familiar shop near my home. I didn't get all the things. | |||
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"Unsettling experience. I wonder though was it wise to start this thread if hes on fab too? I mean, if he reads it hes going to recognise the situation and know its him yourw talking about." I've never ever seen him on the forum so fuck it! And if by chance he's here reading this - STOP FUCKING STARING!  | |||
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"It’ll be unpopular but I think guys have a hard time knowing what is and isn’t appropriate any more. I’ve spoken to loads who daren’t even tell a woman she looks nice any more for fear of reprisal; god forbid look at them wrong. Even the language you’ve used makes him sound predatory before the post even gets off the ground. Sounds like a bit creepy and I’m sorry this happened to you, but really how long do you let somebody follow you around and invade your personal space without calling them out? And how egotistical do you have to be to assume that in a public setting, with people around him that he knows who can vouch for him, that this is anything more nefarious than just curiosity? I get recognised a lot. I work in a very public place and have facepics on show on other apps as well as here. Within about 10 seconds of that scenario I’d say very loudly ‘Is there something I can help you with?’ He was out of line, but apologised. You’re totally right to feel uncomfortable, but still being mad about it? Probably giving the situation way more of your attention than it deserves xx " Yes, your comment is going to be unpopular. | |||
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"It’ll be unpopular but I think guys have a hard time knowing what is and isn’t appropriate any more. I’ve spoken to loads who daren’t even tell a woman she looks nice any more for fear of reprisal; god forbid look at them wrong. Even the language you’ve used makes him sound predatory before the post even gets off the ground. Sounds like a bit creepy and I’m sorry this happened to you, but really how long do you let somebody follow you around and invade your personal space without calling them out? And how egotistical do you have to be to assume that in a public setting, with people around him that he knows who can vouch for him, that this is anything more nefarious than just curiosity? I get recognised a lot. I work in a very public place and have facepics on show on other apps as well as here. Within about 10 seconds of that scenario I’d say very loudly ‘Is there something I can help you with?’ He was out of line, but apologised. You’re totally right to feel uncomfortable, but still being mad about it? Probably giving the situation way more of your attention than it deserves xx Yes, your comment is going to be unpopular. " I agree with the above to be honest. | |||
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" I'm about to go and pay when he says "sorry if I'm staring but your face is SO familiar, these ladies know me, I'm not a weirdo". Without looking at him I quietly say I can't help him and quickly pay for my stuff and leave. I'm so sorry, that sounds like a harrowing experience. Not sure why he thought saying "I'm not a weirdo" would make you believe him when his actions gave the opposite impression. A shop is the last place I expect someone wants to interact with a stranger. I know I'd rather concentrate on remembering to get all the things I need before leaving. It wasn't harrowing, just very uncomfortable. Although I shouldn't feel that way just popping to a familiar shop near my home. I didn't get all the things. "Definitely. Oh no, I hate when that happens! Hope that the things you didn't get were not so important then. | |||
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"It’ll be unpopular but I think guys have a hard time knowing what is and isn’t appropriate any more. I’ve spoken to loads who daren’t even tell a woman she looks nice any more for fear of reprisal; god forbid look at them wrong. Even the language you’ve used makes him sound predatory before the post even gets off the ground. Sounds like a bit creepy and I’m sorry this happened to you, but really how long do you let somebody follow you around and invade your personal space without calling them out? And how egotistical do you have to be to assume that in a public setting, with people around him that he knows who can vouch for him, that this is anything more nefarious than just curiosity? I get recognised a lot. I work in a very public place and have facepics on show on other apps as well as here. Within about 10 seconds of that scenario I’d say very loudly ‘Is there something I can help you with?’ He was out of line, but apologised. You’re totally right to feel uncomfortable, but still being mad about it? Probably giving the situation way more of your attention than it deserves xx " I don't think good guys have any trouble figuring out how to be decent. How to not cross boundaries. And decent women don't punish men for an appropriate comment. Ones in the street don't count. I don't see any men on the thread commiserating because this kind of thing has happened to them, yet women have. Why is that? What "predatory language" did I use? I described the situation quite neutrally in my OP. I haven't called him a predator. Because I don't think he was. Just a dickhead who should stop staring at women. How am I being egotistical? I don't care WHY he kept staring at me. I didn't think I was beautiful and that's why not did I say so. Because I'm not. And he did NOT apologise. "Sorry if I'm staring" after a full 20 minutes of staring - isn't an apology. | |||
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" I'm about to go and pay when he says "sorry if I'm staring but your face is SO familiar, these ladies know me, I'm not a weirdo". Without looking at him I quietly say I can't help him and quickly pay for my stuff and leave. I'm so sorry, that sounds like a harrowing experience. Not sure why he thought saying "I'm not a weirdo" would make you believe him when his actions gave the opposite impression. A shop is the last place I expect someone wants to interact with a stranger. I know I'd rather concentrate on remembering to get all the things I need before leaving. It wasn't harrowing, just very uncomfortable. Although I shouldn't feel that way just popping to a familiar shop near my home. I didn't get all the things.
Definitely.
Oh no, I hate when that happens! Hope that the things you didn't get were not so important then."Oh it was fine. I'm just glad I didn't have a panic attack! | |||
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"Obviously I wasn’t there to see the dynamic and it clearly disturbed you (so I’m sorry that you did feel uncomfortable) but, to give him initial benefit of the doubt, maybe he doesn’t remember that, it could be one of those “oh my god I know you from somewhere (innocent like work or school or whatever) but really can’t put my finger on it, maybe if she sees me she’ll recognise me” It sounds like he was (reasonably) polite in what he said to you, and it’s unclear if he dropped it and left you alone after you said you couldn’t help him and left. But maybe he’s just a bit socially awkward, maybe he didn’t mean to be rude by staring … Who knows? But yeah on the face of it following you around the store might have been somewhat inappropriate, particularly if he DID know where he recognised you from. So I’m glad it didn’t escalate any further of course. But hey, I like to think positively of most people so maybe it was just a case of “gah I know I know her, but can’t think where” rather than deliberate toxic masculinity..? I can understand a second or third look if you can't figure out where you know the person from. He STARED at me non-stop in two separate shops though, Dan. Can you see why I am angry? Yes, Sally, of course I can. Like I say it clearly disturbed you and I’m glad it didn’t escalate into an even more sinister incident. But we only have one side of the story and have no idea of his (true) motives. But it does sound very inappropriate on the face of it
I take your point about one side of the story but what do you think his true motives might have been following a lone woman round two shops while staring at her?
My guess is he was socially inept and gave no thought to how I'd feel. He was just focussed on what he wanted to know about me. I'm not excusing that fairly selfish behaviour though.
You're more generous than I would be under the circumstances.
I posted recently about a special needs guy who regularly came into a shop I worked in . He told me that he wouldn't speak to me if he saw me outside if the shop because his mum had told him that women don't have to know you in the street. It's a shame nobody told that to this guy.
I reverted to people pleaser excuse the behaviour then, didn't I? Damn me.
I think special needs still means people can follow rules, just as that guy did because his mum taught him a rule. This guy just thought his needs mattered more than my comfort. And that's what guys do every day when they stare or tell us to smile etc. Because there are so many guys who don't make women uncomfortable. Who would go out of their way to avoid that.
We're taught from birth to be 'nice' you've even been encouraged in this thread to consider his side. If he'd followed a man round in the same way he'd probably have been called out within seconds"Yep. I know I still revert to it sometimes. I will grow out of it!! | |||
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"Unsettling experience. I wonder though was it wise to start this thread if hes on fab too? I mean, if he reads it hes going to recognise the situation and know its him yourw talking about. I've never ever seen him on the forum so fuck it! And if by chance he's here reading this - STOP FUCKING STARING! "Really? Yet you've mentioned panic attacks. If I were as upset as you appear to be I dont think I'd be highlighting it on here tbh but...were all different n that keeps us interesting. Hopefully you'll have no more attention from him | |||
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"It’ll be unpopular but I think guys have a hard time knowing what is and isn’t appropriate any more. I’ve spoken to loads who daren’t even tell a woman she looks nice any more for fear of reprisal; god forbid look at them wrong. Even the language you’ve used makes him sound predatory before the post even gets off the ground. Sounds like a bit creepy and I’m sorry this happened to you, but really how long do you let somebody follow you around and invade your personal space without calling them out? And how egotistical do you have to be to assume that in a public setting, with people around him that he knows who can vouch for him, that this is anything more nefarious than just curiosity? I get recognised a lot. I work in a very public place and have facepics on show on other apps as well as here. Within about 10 seconds of that scenario I’d say very loudly ‘Is there something I can help you with?’ He was out of line, but apologised. You’re totally right to feel uncomfortable, but still being mad about it? Probably giving the situation way more of your attention than it deserves xx " I think you raise a good point. I've often thought how I'd hate to be a man now, it must be difficult to know what's right and wrong approach. Not belittling the problems we can experience either, absolutely not but everything is so sensitive now. I'm just glad I'm not in my teens but im betting generations before me said same thing lol. | |||
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"Unsettling experience. I wonder though was it wise to start this thread if hes on fab too? I mean, if he reads it hes going to recognise the situation and know its him yourw talking about. I've never ever seen him on the forum so fuck it! And if by chance he's here reading this - STOP FUCKING STARING!
Really? Yet you've mentioned panic attacks. If I were as upset as you appear to be I dont think I'd be highlighting it on here tbh but...were all different n that keeps us interesting. Hopefully you'll have no more attention from him "I wasn't scared yesterday and Im not today? Uncomfortable and quite cross. I felt angry when I posted, but that's dissipated. (The last time I went to that shop I did have a massive panic attack and I still don't know why as nothing happened. It's a weird thing) | |||
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"Seems a little extreme this in my opinion." Which bit? | |||
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"Sorry that happened to you OP, no matter where he thought he knew you from he shouldn't have followed you like that it would make anyone feel uncomfortable." Thank you | |||
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"Obviously I wasn’t there to see the dynamic and it clearly disturbed you (so I’m sorry that you did feel uncomfortable) but, to give him initial benefit of the doubt, maybe he doesn’t remember that, it could be one of those “oh my god I know you from somewhere (innocent like work or school or whatever) but really can’t put my finger on it, maybe if she sees me she’ll recognise me” It sounds like he was (reasonably) polite in what he said to you, and it’s unclear if he dropped it and left you alone after you said you couldn’t help him and left. But maybe he’s just a bit socially awkward, maybe he didn’t mean to be rude by staring … Who knows? But yeah on the face of it following you around the store might have been somewhat inappropriate, particularly if he DID know where he recognised you from. So I’m glad it didn’t escalate any further of course. But hey, I like to think positively of most people so maybe it was just a case of “gah I know I know her, but can’t think where” rather than deliberate toxic masculinity..?" Makes it all okay then. Even the bit where he followed her around the first shop and then into and around a second shop. Totally normal behaviour and OP should presumably have asked his opinion on the weather or something similarly polite? Smiled perhaps? No. Completely abnormal and worrisome behaviour. | |||
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"I hate that!! I’m usually very aware of folk around me and I’ve had it before or even in a shop and he stands too close so you do the shuffle away and they keep getting closer not realising personal space is a thing! Hopefully it wasn’t malicious and he just couldn’t put his finger on where he knew you but your reaction should have given him the hint! " Yes, he should have realised! | |||
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"It’ll be unpopular but I think guys have a hard time knowing what is and isn’t appropriate any more. I’ve spoken to loads who daren’t even tell a woman she looks nice any more for fear of reprisal; god forbid look at them wrong. Even the language you’ve used makes him sound predatory before the post even gets off the ground. Sounds like a bit creepy and I’m sorry this happened to you, but really how long do you let somebody follow you around and invade your personal space without calling them out? And how egotistical do you have to be to assume that in a public setting, with people around him that he knows who can vouch for him, that this is anything more nefarious than just curiosity? I get recognised a lot. I work in a very public place and have facepics on show on other apps as well as here. Within about 10 seconds of that scenario I’d say very loudly ‘Is there something I can help you with?’ He was out of line, but apologised. You’re totally right to feel uncomfortable, but still being mad about it? Probably giving the situation way more of your attention than it deserves xx Yes, your comment is going to be unpopular. I agree with the above to be honest. " I agree with this post too. It brings some balance to the thread. | |||
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"Sally, I can understand how unnerving what you describe can be. I have a Q that i'd be interested in an answer to though if you get a minute.... If the 'starer' had been a woman, would you have reacted in the same way or thought the same things ? " Unnerving is an excellent word! I figured out who he was after a bit so it is different. (I don't turn down women on dating sites because I'm not into women.) If a woman was staring at me as much and followed me around - I'd also feel uncomfortable. Also don't think I'd have said anything to a woman. I did think "oh fuck is he going to remember I swiped left and ask me why?" which would have been excruciating. Obvs didn't think that about a woman. I didn't think he was predatory so I had none of those thoughts. When I'm out and about I do struggle with anxiety a lot so I keep a low profile although I also try to be friendly with staff. I just wanted to be left alone really. | |||
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" Who knows? But yeah on the face of it following you around the store might have been somewhat inappropriate, particularly if he DID know where he recognised you from. So I’m glad it didn’t escalate any further of course. But hey, I like to think positively of most people so maybe it was just a case of “gah I know I know her, but can’t think where” rather than deliberate toxic masculinity..? I can understand a second or third look if you can't figure out where you know the person from. He STARED at me non-stop in two separate shops though, Dan. Can you see why I am angry? Yes, Sally, of course I can. Like I say it clearly disturbed you and I’m glad it didn’t escalate into an even more sinister incident. But we only have one side of the story and have no idea of his (true) motives. But it does sound very inappropriate on the face of it "Are you kidding? True motives? Wtf | |||
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Some women like being checked out and some don’t but I will continue to look and observe because I adore women | |||
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"Although creepy he apologised and said he recognised you and upon you telling him to politely piss off what did he do wrong? I stare and look at lots of women and have sometimes gone from one well known supermarket to another (opposite sides of town) and some of the women I’ve been checking out are there too but by sheer coincidence as I was in the second store first
Some women like being checked out and some don’t but I will continue to look and observe because I adore women "Well if that's not creepy AF too Men like you are part of the problem. | |||
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"I can't believe the amount of people telling the OP how she should or shouldn't feel about it, and asking why she didn't call him out on it. It's the same fight/flight /freeze situation. It's like asking a victim why they didn't scream or fight back. Anxiety is horrible and if you don't feel in control of the situation, there's absolutely nothing you can do in that moment. A grown man should be well aware it's inappropriate to follow someone round 2 different shops just because he thinks he knows her from somewhere. " Of course he should be. Some people are not self aware, for many reasons. One such person being my colleague. Also the OP knows the situation and how she felt. | |||
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"Although creepy he apologised and said he recognised you and upon you telling him to politely piss off what did he do wrong? I stare and look at lots of women and have sometimes gone from one well known supermarket to another (opposite sides of town) and some of the women I’ve been checking out are there too but by sheer coincidence as I was in the second store first
Some women like being checked out and some don’t but I will continue to look and observe because I adore women
Well if that's not creepy AF too
Men like you are part of the problem."But I don’t follow women, I will have a look but I won’t creep anyone out so how am I any part of whatever problem? I’m not advising or criticising op just saying that I like looking at women and will continue doing so. It’s not illegal and don’t tell me women don’t check out men because you’ll be lying. | |||
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"Although creepy he apologised and said he recognised you and upon you telling him to politely piss off what did he do wrong? I stare and look at lots of women and have sometimes gone from one well known supermarket to another (opposite sides of town) and some of the women I’ve been checking out are there too but by sheer coincidence as I was in the second store first
Some women like being checked out and some don’t but I will continue to look and observe because I adore women "Can't you see what he did wrong? | |||
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"Although creepy he apologised and said he recognised you and upon you telling him to politely piss off what did he do wrong? I stare and look at lots of women and have sometimes gone from one well known supermarket to another (opposite sides of town) and some of the women I’ve been checking out are there too but by sheer coincidence as I was in the second store first
Some women like being checked out and some don’t but I will continue to look and observe because I adore women
Can't you see what he did wrong? "Yes I can and him following op is out of order. But (devils advocate) say he was checking op out and also needed something from the other shop too, op is very right in “her belief” but it could be innocent and actually recognised her but didn’t know where from. Once told to piss off he didn’t follow or stare anymore. He did recognise op from dating apps and although inappropriate he probs didn’t realise. | |||
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"Yeah that's weird, hope he didn't see you get into a specific car on a specific bus etc I was checking to see that he didn't. Realised when I got home that my name and address were on the prescription bag I was carrying though. But there's nothing I can do now if he saw it. " This is actually a bit of an issue, when I go to collect things you have to give your name and first line of address, out loud. They really need to change that, anyone could hear! | |||
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" Yes, your comment is going to be unpopular. I agree with the above to be honest. I agree with this post too. It brings some balance to the thread. " Ffs ladies, what sort of allyship is this?
Fuck balance, there’s a man to tar and feather here. Only an echo chamber of nodding dogs is acceptable.
Hey the guy might well indeed be an absolute creep, but let’s not even explore the possibility there might be a less than sinister explanation to all this.
(And for the umpteenth time I’ll reiterate that I’m sorry that the OP felt uncomfortable in this situation and that, on the face of it from this side of the story that has been presented it does seem like inappropriate behaviour and I’m glad it didn’t escalate further) | |||
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"Although creepy he apologised and said he recognised you and upon you telling him to politely piss off what did he do wrong? I stare and look at lots of women and have sometimes gone from one well known supermarket to another (opposite sides of town) and some of the women I’ve been checking out are there too but by sheer coincidence as I was in the second store first
Some women like being checked out and some don’t but I will continue to look and observe because I adore women
Well if that's not creepy AF too
Men like you are part of the problem.
But I don’t follow women, I will have a look but I won’t creep anyone out so how am I any part of whatever problem?
I’m not advising or criticising op just saying that I like looking at women and will continue doing so.
It’s not illegal and don’t tell me women don’t check out men because you’ll be lying. "Forums are a great filter. | |||
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" Yes, your comment is going to be unpopular. I agree with the above to be honest. I agree with this post too. It brings some balance to the thread. Ffs ladies, what sort of allyship is this?
Fuck balance, there’s a man to tar and feather here. Only an echo chamber of nodding dogs is acceptable.
Hey the guy might well indeed be an absolute creep, but let’s not even explore the possibility there might be a less than sinister explanation to all this.
(And for the umpteenth time I’ll reiterate that I’m sorry that the OP felt uncomfortable in this situation and that, on the face of it from this side of the story that has been presented it does seem like inappropriate behaviour and I’m glad it didn’t escalate further)"Ditto and what I’ve been saying in a way
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" But I don’t follow women, I will have a look but I won’t creep anyone out so how am I any part of whatever problem? " You can’t possibly say that. As a single woman going about your daily life there’s nothing so unnerving as realising you’re being stared at or watched. So depends if we’re talking here about a quick glance and done or anything more. | |||
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"Although creepy he apologised and said he recognised you and upon you telling him to politely piss off what did he do wrong? I stare and look at lots of women and have sometimes gone from one well known supermarket to another (opposite sides of town) and some of the women I’ve been checking out are there too but by sheer coincidence as I was in the second store first
Some women like being checked out and some don’t but I will continue to look and observe because I adore women
Can't you see what he did wrong?
Yes I can and him following op is out of order.
But (devils advocate) say he was checking op out and also needed something from the other shop too, op is very right in “her belief” but it could be innocent and actually recognised her but didn’t know where from. Once told to piss off he didn’t follow or stare anymore.
He did recognise op from dating apps and although inappropriate he probs didn’t realise. "He was never told to 'piss off'. You asked what he did wrong now you're telling me you know .
You're making excuses for a man you don't know to a woman who has said he made her angry. | |||
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"Although creepy he apologised and said he recognised you and upon you telling him to politely piss off what did he do wrong? I stare and look at lots of women and have sometimes gone from one well known supermarket to another (opposite sides of town) and some of the women I’ve been checking out are there too but by sheer coincidence as I was in the second store first
Some women like being checked out and some don’t but I will continue to look and observe because I adore women
Well if that's not creepy AF too
Men like you are part of the problem.
But I don’t follow women, I will have a look but I won’t creep anyone out so how am I any part of whatever problem?
I’m not advising or criticising op just saying that I like looking at women and will continue doing so.
It’s not illegal and don’t tell me women don’t check out men because you’ll be lying.
Forums are a great filter."They’re perfect filters  sorry not sorry (shrug) | |||
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" But I don’t follow women, I will have a look but I won’t creep anyone out so how am I any part of whatever problem? You can’t possibly say that. As a single woman going about your daily life there’s nothing so unnerving as realising you’re being stared at or watched. So depends if we’re talking here about a quick glance and done or anything more. " A glance/look and done. I don’t follow anyone I just go about my business. I’m not advocating stalking or creeping btw. | |||
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" Yes, your comment is going to be unpopular. I agree with the above to be honest. I agree with this post too. It brings some balance to the thread. Ffs ladies, what sort of allyship is this?
Fuck balance, there’s a man to tar and feather here. Only an echo chamber of nodding dogs is acceptable.
Hey the guy might well indeed be an absolute creep, but let’s not even explore the possibility there might be a less than sinister explanation to all this.
(And for the umpteenth time I’ll reiterate that I’m sorry that the OP felt uncomfortable in this situation and that, on the face of it from this side of the story that has been presented it does seem like inappropriate behaviour and I’m glad it didn’t escalate further)"Opinions on both sides are being challenged, that's a good thing isn't it? | |||
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"Although creepy he apologised and said he recognised you and upon you telling him to politely piss off what did he do wrong? I stare and look at lots of women and have sometimes gone from one well known supermarket to another (opposite sides of town) and some of the women I’ve been checking out are there too but by sheer coincidence as I was in the second store first
Some women like being checked out and some don’t but I will continue to look and observe because I adore women
Can't you see what he did wrong?
Yes I can and him following op is out of order.
But (devils advocate) say he was checking op out and also needed something from the other shop too, op is very right in “her belief” but it could be innocent and actually recognised her but didn’t know where from. Once told to piss off he didn’t follow or stare anymore.
He did recognise op from dating apps and although inappropriate he probs didn’t realise.
He was never told to 'piss off'.
You asked what he did wrong now you're telling me you know .
You're making excuses for a man you don't know to a woman who has said he made her angry. "Words to that effect, jeeze, and I feel for op but yes I’m simply saying the “man” could have seen it, from his perspective, as innocent. I’ve nowt more to say, pointless trying to get my point across by message when it can be misconstrued depending on how read or taken. Peace out | |||
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"All men are creepy predators. "Are you causing trouble again Outsider? | |||
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" But I don’t follow women, I will have a look but I won’t creep anyone out so how am I any part of whatever problem? You can’t possibly say that. As a single woman going about your daily life there’s nothing so unnerving as realising you’re being stared at or watched. So depends if we’re talking here about a quick glance and done or anything more. A glance/look and done. I don’t follow anyone I just go about my business. I’m not advocating stalking or creeping btw. " But you excused a guy who stared at me for 20 minutes in two separate shops? And he didn't apologise. He said "sorry IF I'm staring" knowing full well he was but not giving a shit. And I was polite in return which in hindsight I wish I hadn't been. | |||
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" Yes, your comment is going to be unpopular. I agree with the above to be honest. I agree with this post too. It brings some balance to the thread. Ffs ladies, what sort of allyship is this?
Fuck balance, there’s a man to tar and feather here. Only an echo chamber of nodding dogs is acceptable.
Hey the guy might well indeed be an absolute creep, but let’s not even explore the possibility there might be a less than sinister explanation to all this.
(And for the umpteenth time I’ll reiterate that I’m sorry that the OP felt uncomfortable in this situation and that, on the face of it from this side of the story that has been presented it does seem like inappropriate behaviour and I’m glad it didn’t escalate further)
Opinions on both sides are being challenged, that's a good thing isn't it? "Absolutely | |||
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" Yes, your comment is going to be unpopular. I agree with the above to be honest. I agree with this post too. It brings some balance to the thread. Ffs ladies, what sort of allyship is this?
Fuck balance, there’s a man to tar and feather here. Only an echo chamber of nodding dogs is acceptable.
Hey the guy might well indeed be an absolute creep, but let’s not even explore the possibility there might be a less than sinister explanation to all this.
(And for the umpteenth time I’ll reiterate that I’m sorry that the OP felt uncomfortable in this situation and that, on the face of it from this side of the story that has been presented it does seem like inappropriate behaviour and I’m glad it didn’t escalate further)"Not sure what you mean Dan as all of those responses were to a woman, not you | |||
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"All men are not creeps. Sure there's that group that genuinely are but then you have the rest of us guys who are just trying to live a life. Sadly it's become a point in time now when you can tar everyone from a type of group with the same brush. Sure you can say all men are creeps go ahead but by that logic you can't get defensive when a guy says all women are cheats. oh no that is highly offensive but to tar all men as creeps that's fine " I think Outsider was being mischievous. No-one has said (especially me) that all men are creeps. I didn't even call the dickhead in the shop a creep!! | |||
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"Yeah that's weird, hope he didn't see you get into a specific car on a specific bus etc I was checking to see that he didn't. Realised when I got home that my name and address were on the prescription bag I was carrying though. But there's nothing I can do now if he saw it. This is actually a bit of an issue, when I go to collect things you have to give your name and first line of address, out loud. They really need to change that, anyone could hear!" Actually I picked them up from the box they have outside the pharmacy with my PIN code. It's very handy! But I see what you mean. | |||
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"Sally, I can understand how unnerving what you describe can be. I have a Q that i'd be interested in an answer to though if you get a minute.... If the 'starer' had been a woman, would you have reacted in the same way or thought the same things ? Unnerving is an excellent word! I figured out who he was after a bit so it is different. (I don't turn down women on dating sites because I'm not into women.) If a woman was staring at me as much and followed me around - I'd also feel uncomfortable. Also don't think I'd have said anything to a woman. I did think "oh fuck is he going to remember I swiped left and ask me why?" which would have been excruciating. Obvs didn't think that about a woman. I didn't think he was predatory so I had none of those thoughts. When I'm out and about I do struggle with anxiety a lot so I keep a low profile although I also try to be friendly with staff. I just wanted to be left alone really. " Thanks Sally. I thought i'd be as curious about a woman but not as uncomfortable as I think we weigh up subconsciously how'd we'd fare in any 'stand off' ..... That's not to say that a woman wouldn't harm me but i fancy my chances more with a woman of my age than most men. | |||
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" But I don’t follow women, I will have a look but I won’t creep anyone out so how am I any part of whatever problem? You can’t possibly say that. As a single woman going about your daily life there’s nothing so unnerving as realising you’re being stared at or watched. So depends if we’re talking here about a quick glance and done or anything more. A glance/look and done. I don’t follow anyone I just go about my business. I’m not advocating stalking or creeping btw. But you excused a guy who stared at me for 20 minutes in two separate shops? And he didn't apologise. He said "sorry IF I'm staring" knowing full well he was but not giving a shit. And I was polite in return which in hindsight I wish I hadn't been. " I didn’t excuse “the accused” I simply said that I look and will continue doing so, at no point did I say what happens to you wasn’t creepy. But I did try and see it from “the accused” perspective too. No offence was meant | |||
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"I can't believe the amount of people telling the OP how she should or shouldn't feel about it, and asking why she didn't call him out on it. It's the same fight/flight /freeze situation. It's like asking a victim why they didn't scream or fight back. Anxiety is horrible and if you don't feel in control of the situation, there's absolutely nothing you can do in that moment. A grown man should be well aware it's inappropriate to follow someone round 2 different shops just because he thinks he knows her from somewhere. " And I can’t believe the amount of people taking the OP’s word at face value that the guy was basically acting like a stalker; using terminology like ‘followed’ and ‘I escaped’ If this was at night outside or somewhere solitary then it’s a different context, but in a couple of neighbouring shops in a small community, with staff and people present and probably CCTV… it doesn’t get more neutral as a setting. I accept that his behaviour was possibly out of line… but painting him as a creep and a weirdo and spending so much time and energy angry about it baffles me. I don’t know for sure, but there is a possibility that this guy just recognised the OP and there was absolutely no intent. Maybe didn’t realise he was making anyone uncomfortable. A lot of people are unfortunately just socially unaware. Maybe I’m just old and sentimental but I generally try to give people, and especially guys who already have a bad name, the benefit of the doubt before rallying the digital pitchforks against them | |||
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"How can anyone have a hard time knowing that following someone around two shops isn't acceptable behaviour. At least do it craftily without being seen. I may have been tempted to call out loudly what the fuck do you want? Or, I may have quietly said are you ok, do you want something? I was followed home by someone from here who recognised me from a face photo, who stuck his foot in the door as I tried to close it after telling him to go away. Someone on here will make excuses for him saying he may have thought his actions innocent. " Basically it's 'man makes woman uncomfortable and angry, woman should stop to consider how man feels' | |||
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"How can anyone have a hard time knowing that following someone around two shops isn't acceptable behaviour. At least do it craftily without being seen. I may have been tempted to call out loudly what the fuck do you want? Or, I may have quietly said are you ok, do you want something? I was followed home by someone from here who recognised me from a face photo, who stuck his foot in the door as I tried to close it after telling him to go away. Someone on here will make excuses for him saying he may have thought his actions innocent. Basically it's 'man makes woman uncomfortable and angry, woman should stop to consider how man feels'" Oh of course. I felt terrible that I didn't let him in to make use of my body. Poor thing. | |||
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"I can't believe the amount of people telling the OP how she should or shouldn't feel about it, and asking why she didn't call him out on it. It's the same fight/flight /freeze situation. It's like asking a victim why they didn't scream or fight back. Anxiety is horrible and if you don't feel in control of the situation, there's absolutely nothing you can do in that moment. A grown man should be well aware it's inappropriate to follow someone round 2 different shops just because he thinks he knows her from somewhere. And I can’t believe the amount of people taking the OP’s word at face value that the guy was basically acting like a stalker; using terminology like ‘followed’ and ‘I escaped’ If this was at night outside or somewhere solitary then it’s a different context, but in a couple of neighbouring shops in a small community, with staff and people present and probably CCTV… it doesn’t get more neutral as a setting. I accept that his behaviour was possibly out of line… but painting him as a creep and a weirdo and spending so much time and energy angry about it baffles me. I don’t know for sure, but there is a possibility that this guy just recognised the OP and there was absolutely no intent. Maybe didn’t realise he was making anyone uncomfortable. A lot of people are unfortunately just socially unaware. Maybe I’m just old and sentimental but I generally try to give people, and especially guys who already have a bad name, the benefit of the doubt before rallying the digital pitchforks against them "Yeah this is getting a bit handmaiden now. You yourself called him a bit creepy. And then called me egotistical. It baffles me that some women look for any reason why a man isn't responsible for his actions. | |||
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" I was followed home by someone from here who recognised me from a face photo, who stuck his foot in the door as I tried to close it after telling him to go away. " Wtaf? I'm so sorry, I think calling the police would be acceptable in this situation. Trespassing is a criminal offence. | |||
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" I was followed home by someone from here who recognised me from a face photo, who stuck his foot in the door as I tried to close it after telling him to go away. Wtaf? I'm so sorry, I think calling the police would be acceptable in this situation. Trespassing is a criminal offence." Not worth the inconvenience. He didn't come back anyway. | |||
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"How can anyone have a hard time knowing that following someone around two shops isn't acceptable behaviour. At least do it craftily without being seen. I may have been tempted to call out loudly what the fuck do you want? Or, I may have quietly said are you ok, do you want something? I was followed home by someone from here who recognised me from a face photo, who stuck his foot in the door as I tried to close it after telling him to go away. Someone on here will make excuses for him saying he may have thought his actions innocent. " That’s verging on criminal behaviour I’d say. And I’m sorry that happened to you. A bit different from someone in a shop possibly taking a little time to build up confidence to approach you to say “hey, don’t I know you from somewhere?” and then leaving you alone after you’ve told them to leave you alone .. Which is a plausible explanation as to what *might* have happened here. | |||
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"How can anyone have a hard time knowing that following someone around two shops isn't acceptable behaviour. At least do it craftily without being seen. I may have been tempted to call out loudly what the fuck do you want? Or, I may have quietly said are you ok, do you want something? I was followed home by someone from here who recognised me from a face photo, who stuck his foot in the door as I tried to close it after telling him to go away. Someone on here will make excuses for him saying he may have thought his actions innocent. That’s verging on criminal behaviour I’d say. And I’m sorry that happened to you. A bit different from someone in a shop possibly taking a little time to build up confidence to approach you to say “hey, don’t I know you from somewhere?” and then leaving you alone after you’ve told them to leave you alone .. Which is a plausible explanation as to what *might* have happened here. " Despite never giving our address to someone on Fab, we had someone turn up at our old house on a Saturday evening, saying he'd been told he'd "find fun" at our house. It was about 7pm and we were home with our young daughter. He wouldn't take no for an answer and refused to leave. Mr KC managed to close our front door and shoo him onto the drive but it took him a good 20min to persuade him to go. We've never solved this mystery and it's resolved us to never, ever accommodate at our house, even after our children have left home. Never. | |||
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"How can anyone have a hard time knowing that following someone around two shops isn't acceptable behaviour. At least do it craftily without being seen. I may have been tempted to call out loudly what the fuck do you want? Or, I may have quietly said are you ok, do you want something? I was followed home by someone from here who recognised me from a face photo, who stuck his foot in the door as I tried to close it after telling him to go away. Someone on here will make excuses for him saying he may have thought his actions innocent. That’s verging on criminal behaviour I’d say. And I’m sorry that happened to you. A bit different from someone in a shop possibly taking a little time to build up confidence to approach you to say “hey, don’t I know you from somewhere?” and then leaving you alone after you’ve told them to leave you alone .. Which is a plausible explanation as to what *might* have happened here. " He may also be someone who forces themselves on women. Following someone around two shops while staring is not normal behaviour-regardless of the intention being innocent. You may feel different because you're a man, but, as a woman, I can empathise with the OP. A man saying oh I'm not a weirdo doesn't mean I don't think he's being weird. Have you ever been followed, Dan? Are women paranoid? | |||
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"How can anyone have a hard time knowing that following someone around two shops isn't acceptable behaviour. At least do it craftily without being seen. I may have been tempted to call out loudly what the fuck do you want? Or, I may have quietly said are you ok, do you want something? I was followed home by someone from here who recognised me from a face photo, who stuck his foot in the door as I tried to close it after telling him to go away. Someone on here will make excuses for him saying he may have thought his actions innocent. That’s verging on criminal behaviour I’d say. And I’m sorry that happened to you. A bit different from someone in a shop possibly taking a little time to build up confidence to approach you to say “hey, don’t I know you from somewhere?” and then leaving you alone after you’ve told them to leave you alone .. Which is a plausible explanation as to what *might* have happened here. Despite never giving our address to someone on Fab, we had someone turn up at our old house on a Saturday evening, saying he'd been told he'd "find fun" at our house. It was about 7pm and we were home with our young daughter. He wouldn't take no for an answer and refused to leave. Mr KC managed to close our front door and shoo him onto the drive but it took him a good 20min to persuade him to go. We've never solved this mystery and it's resolved us to never, ever accommodate at our house, even after our children have left home. Never. " Bloody hell. | |||
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"How can anyone have a hard time knowing that following someone around two shops isn't acceptable behaviour. At least do it craftily without being seen. I may have been tempted to call out loudly what the fuck do you want? Or, I may have quietly said are you ok, do you want something? I was followed home by someone from here who recognised me from a face photo, who stuck his foot in the door as I tried to close it after telling him to go away. Someone on here will make excuses for him saying he may have thought his actions innocent. That’s verging on criminal behaviour I’d say. And I’m sorry that happened to you. A bit different from someone in a shop possibly taking a little time to build up confidence to approach you to say “hey, don’t I know you from somewhere?” and then leaving you alone after you’ve told them to leave you alone .. Which is a plausible explanation as to what *might* have happened here. Despite never giving our address to someone on Fab, we had someone turn up at our old house on a Saturday evening, saying he'd been told he'd "find fun" at our house. It was about 7pm and we were home with our young daughter. He wouldn't take no for an answer and refused to leave. Mr KC managed to close our front door and shoo him onto the drive but it took him a good 20min to persuade him to go. We've never solved this mystery and it's resolved us to never, ever accommodate at our house, even after our children have left home. Never. " Imagine being home on your own and this happening. No, it's not like being followed around shops, with others present, but I'd still be on high alert as to what this man wants from me. | |||
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"How can anyone have a hard time knowing that following someone around two shops isn't acceptable behaviour. At least do it craftily without being seen. I may have been tempted to call out loudly what the fuck do you want? Or, I may have quietly said are you ok, do you want something? I was followed home by someone from here who recognised me from a face photo, who stuck his foot in the door as I tried to close it after telling him to go away. Someone on here will make excuses for him saying he may have thought his actions innocent. That’s verging on criminal behaviour I’d say. And I’m sorry that happened to you. A bit different from someone in a shop possibly taking a little time to build up confidence to approach you to say “hey, don’t I know you from somewhere?” and then leaving you alone after you’ve told them to leave you alone .. Which is a plausible explanation as to what *might* have happened here. Despite never giving our address to someone on Fab, we had someone turn up at our old house on a Saturday evening, saying he'd been told he'd "find fun" at our house. It was about 7pm and we were home with our young daughter. He wouldn't take no for an answer and refused to leave. Mr KC managed to close our front door and shoo him onto the drive but it took him a good 20min to persuade him to go. We've never solved this mystery and it's resolved us to never, ever accommodate at our house, even after our children have left home. Never. Bloody hell. " To add, when challenged by Mr KC about why he'd come to our house, he mentioned Fab and told him another person had told him to come here. Again, not one Fabber had ever been given our address. | |||
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"How can anyone have a hard time knowing that following someone around two shops isn't acceptable behaviour. At least do it craftily without being seen. I may have been tempted to call out loudly what the fuck do you want? Or, I may have quietly said are you ok, do you want something? I was followed home by someone from here who recognised me from a face photo, who stuck his foot in the door as I tried to close it after telling him to go away. Someone on here will make excuses for him saying he may have thought his actions innocent. That’s verging on criminal behaviour I’d say. And I’m sorry that happened to you. A bit different from someone in a shop possibly taking a little time to build up confidence to approach you to say “hey, don’t I know you from somewhere?” and then leaving you alone after you’ve told them to leave you alone .. Which is a plausible explanation as to what *might* have happened here. He may also be someone who forces themselves on women. Following someone around two shops while staring is not normal behaviour-regardless of the intention being innocent. You may feel different because you're a man, but, as a woman, I can empathise with the OP. A man saying oh I'm not a weirdo doesn't mean I don't think he's being weird. Have you ever been followed, Dan? Are women paranoid?" A man saying I'm not a weirdo implies to me that he damn well knows he's acting like one. | |||
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"How can anyone have a hard time knowing that following someone around two shops isn't acceptable behaviour. At least do it craftily without being seen. I may have been tempted to call out loudly what the fuck do you want? Or, I may have quietly said are you ok, do you want something? I was followed home by someone from here who recognised me from a face photo, who stuck his foot in the door as I tried to close it after telling him to go away. Someone on here will make excuses for him saying he may have thought his actions innocent. That’s verging on criminal behaviour I’d say. And I’m sorry that happened to you. A bit different from someone in a shop possibly taking a little time to build up confidence to approach you to say “hey, don’t I know you from somewhere?” and then leaving you alone after you’ve told them to leave you alone .. Which is a plausible explanation as to what *might* have happened here. Despite never giving our address to someone on Fab, we had someone turn up at our old house on a Saturday evening, saying he'd been told he'd "find fun" at our house. It was about 7pm and we were home with our young daughter. He wouldn't take no for an answer and refused to leave. Mr KC managed to close our front door and shoo him onto the drive but it took him a good 20min to persuade him to go. We've never solved this mystery and it's resolved us to never, ever accommodate at our house, even after our children have left home. Never. Imagine being home on your own and this happening. No, it's not like being followed around shops, with others present, but I'd still be on high alert as to what this man wants from me. " On my own, on wheels at the door? I'd be screwed, probably. It's a good job one or other of my son/his GF are often home, I am rarely alone alone. | |||
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"How can anyone have a hard time knowing that following someone around two shops isn't acceptable behaviour. At least do it craftily without being seen. I may have been tempted to call out loudly what the fuck do you want? Or, I may have quietly said are you ok, do you want something? I was followed home by someone from here who recognised me from a face photo, who stuck his foot in the door as I tried to close it after telling him to go away. Someone on here will make excuses for him saying he may have thought his actions innocent. That’s verging on criminal behaviour I’d say. And I’m sorry that happened to you. A bit different from someone in a shop possibly taking a little time to build up confidence to approach you to say “hey, don’t I know you from somewhere?” and then leaving you alone after you’ve told them to leave you alone .. Which is a plausible explanation as to what *might* have happened here. Despite never giving our address to someone on Fab, we had someone turn up at our old house on a Saturday evening, saying he'd been told he'd "find fun" at our house. It was about 7pm and we were home with our young daughter. He wouldn't take no for an answer and refused to leave. Mr KC managed to close our front door and shoo him onto the drive but it took him a good 20min to persuade him to go. We've never solved this mystery and it's resolved us to never, ever accommodate at our house, even after our children have left home. Never. Bloody hell. To add, when challenged by Mr KC about why he'd come to our house, he mentioned Fab and told him another person had told him to come here. Again, not one Fabber had ever been given our address. " My money is on him obtaining your address illegally | |||
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"So let me get this right. You were in public shops and another customer was looking at you repeatedly which made you feel uncomfortable? He eventually recognises his actions might seem odd so apologises and gives his reasons for doing so? The basis is that he couldn't place your face but he did recognise you from a couple of dating apps but he just couldn't recall at that moment so while trying to recollect he kept looking? Is that right? Marc" Yes M'lud. That is what happened M'lud | |||
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"So let me get this right. You were in public shops and another customer was looking at you repeatedly which made you feel uncomfortable? He eventually recognises his actions might seem odd so apologises and gives his reasons for doing so? The basis is that he couldn't place your face but he did recognise you from a couple of dating apps but he just couldn't recall at that moment so while trying to recollect he kept looking? Is that right? Marc" I think you missed the bit where he followed her into a second shop, continuing to stare and pop up at whichever part of the shop she moved to. Staring in the first shop might be excusable. Following and continuing to in effect, pursue, is in my view, not normal behaviour and unusual at best. | |||
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"How can anyone have a hard time knowing that following someone around two shops isn't acceptable behaviour. At least do it craftily without being seen. I may have been tempted to call out loudly what the fuck do you want? Or, I may have quietly said are you ok, do you want something? I was followed home by someone from here who recognised me from a face photo, who stuck his foot in the door as I tried to close it after telling him to go away. Someone on here will make excuses for him saying he may have thought his actions innocent. That’s verging on criminal behaviour I’d say. And I’m sorry that happened to you. A bit different from someone in a shop possibly taking a little time to build up confidence to approach you to say “hey, don’t I know you from somewhere?” and then leaving you alone after you’ve told them to leave you alone .. Which is a plausible explanation as to what *might* have happened here. He may also be someone who forces themselves on women. Following someone around two shops while staring is not normal behaviour-regardless of the intention being innocent. You may feel different because you're a man, but, as a woman, I can empathise with the OP. A man saying oh I'm not a weirdo doesn't mean I don't think he's being weird. Have you ever been followed, Dan? Are women paranoid?" If you read my comments through the thread you can see I’ve done nothing but sympathise / empathise with the OP who was clearly alarmed. That doesn’t *necessarily* mean the man had evil / nefarious intent. The two are not mutually exclusive, although I accept he may well indeed have had bad intentions. I’m entertaining both scenarios. Most of the respondents so far on here have been judge, jury and executioner based one-sided testimony. | |||
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"How can anyone have a hard time knowing that following someone around two shops isn't acceptable behaviour. At least do it craftily without being seen. I may have been tempted to call out loudly what the fuck do you want? Or, I may have quietly said are you ok, do you want something? I was followed home by someone from here who recognised me from a face photo, who stuck his foot in the door as I tried to close it after telling him to go away. Someone on here will make excuses for him saying he may have thought his actions innocent. That’s verging on criminal behaviour I’d say. And I’m sorry that happened to you. A bit different from someone in a shop possibly taking a little time to build up confidence to approach you to say “hey, don’t I know you from somewhere?” and then leaving you alone after you’ve told them to leave you alone .. Which is a plausible explanation as to what *might* have happened here. He may also be someone who forces themselves on women. Following someone around two shops while staring is not normal behaviour-regardless of the intention being innocent. You may feel different because you're a man, but, as a woman, I can empathise with the OP. A man saying oh I'm not a weirdo doesn't mean I don't think he's being weird. Have you ever been followed, Dan? Are women paranoid? If you read my comments through the thread you can see I’ve done nothing but sympathise / empathise with the OP who was clearly alarmed. That doesn’t *necessarily* mean the man had evil / nefarious intent. Although he may have. The two are not mutually exclusive. I’m entertaining both scenarios. Most of the respondents so far on here have been judge, jury and executioner based one-sided testimony. " I don't think anyone was saying he was evil or nefarious. He should know, however, that following and staring is weird and can make people feel uncomfortable or scared. Thankfully, not many people behave like this. | |||
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"All men are creepy predators.
Are you causing trouble again Outsider? "All men have the potential to be creepy predators. How do we know if they are safe or not? The fact he said the 2 women in the shop know he's not a weirdo make me feel like there's something 'different' about this guy. He may not understand how to behave in social situations. Like my colleague. People make excuses for him because he doesn't understand. He's had women cornered at work in very sexually aggressive situations. When they complained... well he didn't know what he was doing, bless him. | |||
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"How can anyone have a hard time knowing that following someone around two shops isn't acceptable behaviour. At least do it craftily without being seen. I may have been tempted to call out loudly what the fuck do you want? Or, I may have quietly said are you ok, do you want something? I was followed home by someone from here who recognised me from a face photo, who stuck his foot in the door as I tried to close it after telling him to go away. Someone on here will make excuses for him saying he may have thought his actions innocent. That’s verging on criminal behaviour I’d say. And I’m sorry that happened to you. A bit different from someone in a shop possibly taking a little time to build up confidence to approach you to say “hey, don’t I know you from somewhere?” and then leaving you alone after you’ve told them to leave you alone .. Which is a plausible explanation as to what *might* have happened here. He may also be someone who forces themselves on women. Following someone around two shops while staring is not normal behaviour-regardless of the intention being innocent. You may feel different because you're a man, but, as a woman, I can empathise with the OP. A man saying oh I'm not a weirdo doesn't mean I don't think he's being weird. Have you ever been followed, Dan? Are women paranoid? If you read my comments through the thread you can see I’ve done nothing but sympathise / empathise with the OP who was clearly alarmed. That doesn’t *necessarily* mean the man had evil / nefarious intent. The two are not mutually exclusive, although I accept he may well indeed have had bad intentions. I’m entertaining both scenarios. Most of the respondents so far on here have been judge, jury and executioner based one-sided testimony. "  | |||
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"How can anyone have a hard time knowing that following someone around two shops isn't acceptable behaviour. At least do it craftily without being seen. I may have been tempted to call out loudly what the fuck do you want? Or, I may have quietly said are you ok, do you want something? I was followed home by someone from here who recognised me from a face photo, who stuck his foot in the door as I tried to close it after telling him to go away. Someone on here will make excuses for him saying he may have thought his actions innocent. " Now that isn’t acceptable or defendable, in fact that is against the law and such behaviour should be punished | |||
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"So let me get this right. You were in public shops and another customer was looking at you repeatedly which made you feel uncomfortable? He eventually recognises his actions might seem odd so apologises and gives his reasons for doing so? The basis is that he couldn't place your face but he did recognise you from a couple of dating apps but he just couldn't recall at that moment so while trying to recollect he kept looking? Is that right? Marc I think you missed the bit where he followed her into a second shop, continuing to stare and pop up at whichever part of the shop she moved to. Staring in the first shop might be excusable. Following and continuing to in effect, pursue, is in my view, not normal behaviour and unusual at best. " Sorry I wasn't trying to ignore what is seen as unusual behaviour and if he had greater social awareness thing would of been very different. All I was trying to do was to take the emotion out for the bare facts. Marc | |||
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"All men are creepy predators.
Are you causing trouble again Outsider?
All men have the potential to be creepy predators. How do we know if they are safe or not? "Can the same not be said for women too? | |||
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"All men are creepy predators.
Are you causing trouble again Outsider?
All men have the potential to be creepy predators. How do we know if they are safe or not?
Can the same not be said for women too?"Of course not. All women are lovely and kind. #sisterhood | |||
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"All men are creepy predators.
Are you causing trouble again Outsider?
All men have the potential to be creepy predators. How do we know if they are safe or not?
Can the same not be said for women too?
Of course not. All women are lovely and kind.
#sisterhood "I hear ya  | |||
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"I suspect many comments are because the scenario as described seems quite an inconceivable occurrence " Some people thought a serving police officer abducting, r@ping and murdering a woman who was walking in a high-traffic area was inconceivable. | |||
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"I suspect many comments are because the scenario as described seems quite an inconceivable occurrence Some people thought a serving police officer abducting, r@ping and murdering a woman who was walking in a high-traffic area was inconceivable. " Not even the same context what these police officers, and people of power, have and still are doing is disgraceful and shameful without any debate however what OP started this thread with is, I’m sure, horrendous to her but not even in the same ballpark as r**e, assault, anything else physical, verbal, mental and or murder. | |||
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"Definitely creapy "Like the paper | |||
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"The bottom line in my opinion is. Is the behaviour described in the op acceptable? " Can’t be answered with a simple “yes” or “no” It’s all down to perspective but due to the fact it made OP uncomfortable I’ll say yes for that reason only. | |||
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"The bottom line in my opinion is. Is the behaviour described in the op acceptable? Can’t be answered with a simple “yes” or “no” It’s all down to perspective but due to the fact it made OP uncomfortable I’ll say yes for that reason only. " You mean no I hope | |||
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"The bottom line in my opinion is. Is the behaviour described in the op acceptable? Can’t be answered with a simple “yes” or “no” It’s all down to perspective but due to the fact it made OP uncomfortable I’ll say yes for that reason only. You mean no I hope "Yes sorry I mean no this isn’t acceptable | |||
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"The bottom line in my opinion is. Is the behaviour described in the op acceptable? " As described by the OP, in her words, reflecting her feelings, it sounds unacceptable for sure
Last Winter, about January or February, I remember walking down the road in my village one early to mid - evening.
It’s a relatively quiet village so not lots of people around. As it was cold I was wearing a dark jacket and baseball hat.
Coming the other way towards me in the distance, was a lone woman.
I can’t remember what I was thinking about, probably checking the football scores on my phone or whatever. Anyway I was alone in my thoughts.
Then I noticed the woman had crossed the road to avoid me. Very sensible I guess, who knows who I was or what my intentions were.
Maybe I should have anticipated her fear and been proactive in crossing the road first to avoid her being in that position.
But for whatever reason it didn’t even cross my mind that I was in any way a threat.
Now from her perspective her fear was no doubt very real. She took sensible precautions to create distance between her and a potential predator. She may have even gone home and told all her friends about it and they would no doubt have rallied around and said that my behaviour was totally unacceptable.
I expect half of the Forum will concur. I mean, it’s her lived experience and by Christ, every man should know not to have carried on walking on the same side of the road as me. Totally inappropriate, right?
Was I in the wrong? Should I have known better? Maybe. | |||
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"The bottom line in my opinion is. Is the behaviour described in the op acceptable? Can’t be answered with a simple “yes” or “no” It’s all down to perspective but due to the fact it made OP uncomfortable I’ll say yes for that reason only. You mean no I hope
Yes sorry I mean no this isn’t acceptable "When you (or anyone) say it's down to perspective, who's perspective is most important? I'm saying this purely for discussion. Who's feelings and reactions should be considered the more significant? | |||
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"The bottom line in my opinion is. Is the behaviour described in the op acceptable? As described by the OP, in her words, reflecting her feelings, it sounds unacceptable for sure
Last Winter, about January or February, I remember walking down the road in my village one early to mid - evening.
It’s a relatively quiet village so not lots of people around. As it was cold I was wearing a dark jacket and baseball hat.
Coming the other way towards me in the distance, was a lone woman.
I can’t remember what I was thinking about, probably checking the football scores on my phone or whatever. Anyway I was alone in my thoughts.
Then I noticed the woman had crossed the road to avoid me. Very sensible I guess, who knows who I was or what my intentions were.
Maybe I should have anticipated her fear and been proactive in crossing the road first to avoid her being in that position.
But for whatever reason it didn’t even cross my mind that I was in any way a threat.
Now from her perspective her fear was no doubt very real. She took sensible precautions to create distance between her and a potential predator. She may have even gone home and told all her friends about it and they would no doubt have rallied around and said that my behaviour was totally unacceptable.
I expect half of the Forum will concur. I mean, it’s her lived experience and by Christ, every man should know not to have carried on walking on the same side of the road as me. Totally inappropriate, right?
Was I in the wrong? Should I have known better? Maybe."No, you don't need to anticipate anything. If she/he/they feel scared they cross the road. You may have been feeling paranoid and they crossed the road because they needed to. | |||
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"The bottom line in my opinion is. Is the behaviour described in the op acceptable? As described by the OP, in her words, reflecting her feelings, it sounds unacceptable for sure
Last Winter, about January or February, I remember walking down the road in my village one early to mid - evening.
It’s a relatively quiet village so not lots of people around. As it was cold I was wearing a dark jacket and baseball hat.
Coming the other way towards me in the distance, was a lone woman.
I can’t remember what I was thinking about, probably checking the football scores on my phone or whatever. Anyway I was alone in my thoughts.
Then I noticed the woman had crossed the road to avoid me. Very sensible I guess, who knows who I was or what my intentions were.
Maybe I should have anticipated her fear and been proactive in crossing the road first to avoid her being in that position.
But for whatever reason it didn’t even cross my mind that I was in any way a threat.
Now from her perspective her fear was no doubt very real. She took sensible precautions to create distance between her and a potential predator. She may have even gone home and told all her friends about it and they would no doubt have rallied around and said that my behaviour was totally unacceptable.
I expect half of the Forum will concur. I mean, it’s her lived experience and by Christ, every man should know not to have carried on walking on the same side of the road as me. Totally inappropriate, right?
Was I in the wrong? Should I have known better? Maybe."The woman you mention was doing what we're taught to do from the time we're allowed out alone. It's not a reflection on you. Remember the police telling women not to go out alone after dark after the Sarah Everard case? | |||
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"I suspect many comments are because the scenario as described seems quite an inconceivable occurrence " Is it inconceivable to you that a person would follow another person around while staring? | |||
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"The bottom line in my opinion is. Is the behaviour described in the op acceptable? As described by the OP, in her words, reflecting her feelings, it sounds unacceptable for sure
Last Winter, about January or February, I remember walking down the road in my village one early to mid - evening.
It’s a relatively quiet village so not lots of people around. As it was cold I was wearing a dark jacket and baseball hat.
Coming the other way towards me in the distance, was a lone woman.
I can’t remember what I was thinking about, probably checking the football scores on my phone or whatever. Anyway I was alone in my thoughts.
Then I noticed the woman had crossed the road to avoid me. Very sensible I guess, who knows who I was or what my intentions were.
Maybe I should have anticipated her fear and been proactive in crossing the road first to avoid her being in that position.
But for whatever reason it didn’t even cross my mind that I was in any way a threat.
Now from her perspective her fear was no doubt very real. She took sensible precautions to create distance between her and a potential predator. She may have even gone home and told all her friends about it and they would no doubt have rallied around and said that my behaviour was totally unacceptable.
I expect half of the Forum will concur. I mean, it’s her lived experience and by Christ, every man should know not to have carried on walking on the same side of the road as me. Totally inappropriate, right?
Was I in the wrong? Should I have known better? Maybe."No, Dan. You shouldn't have done anything differently. That was my point: most people - most men - know how not to act inappropriately. The man described in the OP clearly didn't. | |||
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"The bottom line in my opinion is. Is the behaviour described in the op acceptable? Can’t be answered with a simple “yes” or “no” It’s all down to perspective but due to the fact it made OP uncomfortable I’ll say yes for that reason only. You mean no I hope
Yes sorry I mean no this isn’t acceptable
When you (or anyone) say it's down to perspective, who's perspective is most important?
I'm saying this purely for discussion. Who's feelings and reactions should be considered the more significant? "The perspective is of the op, of which I’ve stated a few times I feel for and the reactions of only the op can be considered
I hope this doesn’t happen to OP, or any human, in future. | |||
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"The bottom line in my opinion is. Is the behaviour described in the op acceptable? Can’t be answered with a simple “yes” or “no” It’s all down to perspective but due to the fact it made OP uncomfortable I’ll say yes for that reason only. You mean no I hope
Yes sorry I mean no this isn’t acceptable
When you (or anyone) say it's down to perspective, who's perspective is most important?
I'm saying this purely for discussion. Who's feelings and reactions should be considered the more significant?
The perspective is of the op, of which I’ve stated a few times I feel for and the reactions of only the op can be considered
I hope this doesn’t happen to OP, or any human, in future. "I wish we could all have this sort of discussion and really hear the other side of the coin without taking it personally. I wonder if behaviour and opinions would change | |||
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"The bottom line in my opinion is. Is the behaviour described in the op acceptable? " What is interesting about this to me, is that 'unacceptable' here is a case of a really-strong term that actually doesn't really go anywhere unless something escalated. The OP, who was clearly unaccompanied, felt in a way that she had to ultimately accept it - she didn't say something like "well I'd appreciate it if you don't, it's making me uncomfortable" for example, but of course that can be very hard for particularly-unsettled people to do. I think this ultimate acceptance would be the case for most people, unless the staring person made it a habit of course, after which it becomes a clearly-reportable matter obviously. I imagine that a PCSO would likely talk to the person and then decide to link up with a copper or wait for a further report. It would be interesting to know what point they might history check him, and at what point the log a report. Police have a huge amount of discretion these days. I guess this still could have been reported if the OP felt she was actually followed into another shop (some people are genuinely vulnerable and will report this kind of thing when it happens), but police being police they would then likely ask questions of her too I think, in-part to see where she is coming from, and (imo) in-part because they don't tend to record (or 'make') incidents these days if they can otherwise keep the incident figures down. And this they will typically attempt to do. pt | |||
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"I suspect many comments are because the scenario as described seems quite an inconceivable occurrence Is it inconceivable to you that a person would follow another person around while staring? " As specifically described, yes | |||
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"I suspect many comments are because the scenario as described seems quite an inconceivable occurrence Some people thought a serving police officer abducting, r@ping and murdering a woman who was walking in a high-traffic area was inconceivable. Not even the same context what these police officers, and people of power, have and still are doing is disgraceful and shameful without any debate however what OP started this thread with is, I’m sure, horrendous to her but not even in the same ballpark as r**e, assault, anything else physical, verbal, mental and or murder. "Indeed. The police officer who committed that crime started with low level creepiness and borderline unacceptable behaviour, which was neither reported nor challenged and there we are. | |||
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