FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Reasons for cancelling … do you need one?
Reasons for cancelling … do you need one?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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If someone cancelled with you (a social or meet) do you expect a reason, or do you think they should give you one?
I’m fine with someone telling me they can’t make it, and I don’t ask why. I think I like to give them some privacy, it might be none of my business
But it does make me wonder, do I give an impression of not caring or that I wanted to call it off myself and they made it easy for me. ..
Should we give reasons?  |
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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Travelling |
I expect? As in do I feel entitled to a reason? No, however I do expect the get one because usually most people give one.
I anticipate getting one. I don't need one but I feel like there is at least a bit of respect there that they gave a bit of context to the cancellation. So I'd tend to do the same, give a reason for why I can't make it. |
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Knowing why someone cancelled is nice as it keeps you in the loop.
Not knowing doesn't really make much difference, but knowing is always better.
I'm not owed an excuse though.
If someone cancels it's up to them whether or not they want to tell me why. |
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Depends on how well I know the person. If it was a first coffee I wouldn't make any excuses because I feel like people have heard them all. I would simply apologise and see if we could reschedule
If I knew the person well enough I would tell them what's going on. |
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"Of course. I can't think why you wouldn't?
Because the reason isn't really anyone's business. Nobody is entitled to an explanation as to why. "
I disagree. I have, at the very least, put aside some time. If it's last minute, I may have spent over an hour getting ready and you cancel? It happens but yes I want a reason. If you just said sorry can't make it, I wouldn't give you a second chance. So at least give me the chance to access the reason. |
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I expect people to honour relationships with the value that they afford them and the level of respect that they have to the other people. I'd prefer reasons and good timing, which doesn't mean that full disclosure of highly personal information is shared, rather than zero info.
I'd also expect to learn from such an experience and to adjust accordingly, if appreciate.
A cold interaction will not be warmly entertained, for future engagement. |
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"Of course. I can't think why you wouldn't?
Because the reason isn't really anyone's business. Nobody is entitled to an explanation as to why.
I disagree. I have, at the very least, put aside some time. If it's last minute, I may have spent over an hour getting ready and you cancel? It happens but yes I want a reason. If you just said sorry can't make it, I wouldn't give you a second chance. So at least give me the chance to access the reason."
Assess doh. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Say I do.. Or I do not that is the question.
Yes, I do respond, with I cannot make it because.. If for some reason I fell out of fancy for them I still be honest because
Honesty is my policy I am sure it is many others too.
It is like me going for an interview, 54 mile trek to wait 4 days for not interested. They should have said that in the beginning and not play silly games. Op
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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Travelling |
"Of course. I can't think why you wouldn't?
Because the reason isn't really anyone's business. Nobody is entitled to an explanation as to why.
I disagree. I have, at the very least, put aside some time. If it's last minute, I may have spent over an hour getting ready and you cancel? It happens but yes I want a reason. If you just said sorry can't make it, I wouldn't give you a second chance. So at least give me the chance to access the reason.
Assess doh."
I can't make it is a reason, I'm unable to attend. Which is my point. You may have spent a month getting ready, you are still not entitled to a reason and knowing of my business, regardless of second chance or not.
As I said further up I do give a reason because I feel it offers some respect, but as to why somebody wouldn't, it really isn't anyone else's business as to why I'd be unable to attend. Nobody owes you anything.
When it comes down to it, the majority of people play fast and loose with what is considered polite and respectful based upon what suits them at the time. |
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I think if anyone has made firm plans for a meet, it is only natural to expect proper communication if they need to cancel. If it us a very personal reasom they don't want to share, that is fair enough. Cancelling something last minute though does warrant a good reason especially if people have made other arrangements to enable the meeting. Courtecy to others and their time is paramount. |
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We always feel really guilty on the very rare occasions that we have to cancel a meet.
We always give a reason, and they are always pretty damn good ones. In last year, we've had to call off twice, both on medical grounds. First time, it was because Kaz had tonsillitis, and the second was due to the slight problem of her being knocked down by a bus. |
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Not expected but gratefully received. I would give an excuse. It's a little different for guys cancelling and being cancelled upon particularly if it is last minute.
We would probably have wasted 20 minutes getting ready whereas a lady would have spent quite a while getting ready.
I would say a guy would owe an excuse if it's a last minute cancellation and would probably find there would be no reschedule. |
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By *JB1954Man
over a year ago
Reading |
I find odd some of the replies to this. Perhaps my age ? . Yes as male takes shorter time to get ready than say females. But in my case if meeting in my local town. Apart from getting ready. Allow time to be there at arranged time. So to then have a no show without any excuse / none. Is extreme bad manners. As others said what you have made time to do the meet even if social. Other person could not be bothered about if any inconvenience especially if they asked for that day / time.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If you want a second chance then I'd be looking for some kinda reason, especially if it was a last minute cancellation. "
But that puts us in a place to believe them aswell doesn’t it? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Like you. I don't expect a reason.
However, we become accustomed to people giving them don't we. "
Yes. We have, I think.
I expect to be let known.
I can’t make it, rather than ghosted. But I do t expect the ins and outs of the said reason for the cancellation. Unless offered. |
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"No I don't think you *need* to give a reason. I would probably say something like
'For personal reasons I'm unable to make it' though because people like reasons "
A tad formal but fair.
I mean if we'd been in a relationship for some time and were usually very open with each other. You were saying you loved me yesterday. I would be: ok bit weird, feels like a client cancelling a business meeting.  |
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"If someone cancelled with you (a social or meet) do you expect a reason, or do you think they should give you one?
I’m fine with someone telling me they can’t make it, and I don’t ask why. I think I like to give them some privacy, it might be none of my business
But it does make me wonder, do I give an impression of not caring or that I wanted to call it off myself and they made it easy for me. ..
Should we give reasons? "
I don't expect one.
If I ever have to cancel I'd offer a reason. Although the trouble is, regardless of how genuine it was, there's a possibility it wouldn't be believed.
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"If someone cancelled with you (a social or meet) do you expect a reason, or do you think they should give you one?
I’m fine with someone telling me they can’t make it, and I don’t ask why. I think I like to give them some privacy, it might be none of my business
But it does make me wonder, do I give an impression of not caring or that I wanted to call it off myself and they made it easy for me. ..
Should we give reasons? "
I don't need one but if I get one what they say might influence whether I give them a second chance especially if very short notice.
If the reason is car breakdown then game over  It's amazing on Fab. People seem to have much more car problems than the general population |
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Could it actually be anyone else's business?
It's entirely up to the person who is cancelling whether they want to divulge anything at all surely.
Do you really need to know if someone just wasn't 'feeling it' at that time anyway?
With meets made in advance clearly there are any number of reasons why people might not be a able to do it. I always expect it not to happen personally.
Anything is better than a forced meet imo, so why even expect someone to potentially even make something up? Any excuse would be valid potentially, so really none are needed imo, unless i's becoming a habit with the same party maybe.
So "Sorry, I can't make it" is good enough for me. What I'd be more interested in is whether they allude to another time or not, but sometimes you have to wait for that too I find.
To a plain "sorry" I try and say something super polite like "thanks for telling me, keep in touch...", as it could go a long way if they are feeling really bad about it or maybe even being a bit over cautious.
Obviously frustrated people may need to remember the current persons cancellation has nothing to do with the last persons. I think whether time is wasted or not is often just a matter of perception, so try to keep optimistic as negativity can be a killer for some on Fab I think (in profiles especially).
pt
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I'm with you on this Woody. Just cancelling with plenty of notice is fine by me. What does having a reason matter unless it is to minimise harm to the other persons ego?
Reasons can range from : I'd rather watch Netflix tonight to The footy is on, I got a more exciting meet , my dog died or my wife's just been murdered. .......
Who would know if it was a lie in any case.....
If they can't come they can't come.
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I've had people cancel they've normally said sorry but this has come up, I've never asked.
I don't think I would ask if it was repeated cancellations I'd just not bother again & block but totally understand the odd one
Mrs |
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"Isn't it just a common curtesy- I'm sure at this level of communication I'd give one
A bare minimum of openness should be expected- especially if a second meet is wanted"
The courtesy of letting someone know they can't make it is enough.
No one should have to tell a 'meet' that they have just developed bacterial vaginosis....
Maybe they should like and say they've broken their leg ?
What reasons are acceptable to people ?
They let you know. That's sufficient.
You don't even have to tell your boss why you are absent from work. Report the absence yes but the precise reason .... no. |
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By *uzie69xTV/TS
over a year ago
Maidstone |
No, why even bother?
As I only meet Saturday evenings, I get people to reconfirm with me by lunchtime on Saturday.
A lot of fantasists know they'll be at home changing nappies Saturday evening, but by contacting me, they enjoy the frisson thought all week.
Good on them, you need to find the small pleasures in life if you're under the WAG Curfew and serving time.
I then go through my list of re-confirmers and send out invite/s. It could be a gorgeous man I want all to myself, or it could be a little orgy of fully bi and versatile people.
The reason could be gran-ma's cats died for all I care. Do you, should you? |
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"Personally would see it as dam rude if someone cancelled on me and gave me no explanation don't need them to reveal personal details just an outline "
My mother was in the middle of the road earlier. |
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last week a guy i had met asked if we could meet again. I agreed and waited for him to text me when he was there. Then to my amazement he messaged to say he was 'going elsewhere' i was ready to leave by then. However i had the last laugh as the meet was a time waster. He came back and apologised and admitted he made a mistake. He wont get another meet with me. I think this happens lots on fab,and sadly not the first time its been done to me. |
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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Travelling |
"Personally would see it as dam rude if someone cancelled on me and gave me no explanation don't need them to reveal personal details just an outline "
Personal reasons.
How much detail so people want?
Let's face it, we want details so we can feel validated in our decision to accept or not if it were a good enough reason for a cancellation. |
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"last week a guy i had met asked if we could meet again. I agreed and waited for him to text me when he was there. Then to my amazement he messaged to say he was 'going elsewhere' i was ready to leave by then. However i had the last laugh as the meet was a time waster. He came back and apologised and admitted he made a mistake. He wont get another meet with me. I think this happens lots on fab,and sadly not the first time its been done to me."
Glad u had the last laugh! Xx |
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I've never had a no show and only 2 cancellations.
I don't expect the full details of why they had to cancel but I do expect them to be truthful.
On one occasion it was because she was busy at work and wouldn't be able to make it but strangely had a shiny new veri three next morning which actually referenced the coffee shop we were to meet in.
On the second occasion I had arranged to meet someone who was complaining on the forums about how often she had been stood up.
She had given me all the details of where she was staying when she was in the area and it was 5 mins from my workplace so handy enough.
I messaged the day before to confirm the time and she claimed to have no knowledge of us agreeing to meet.
She was meeting non fab friends and couldn't possibly meet me.
Not exactly a cancellation in the strict sense of the word but again a brand new veri from another prominent user the very next day.
I was Plan B on both occasions and have never been since and never will be. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If she doesn't give me a reason I won't push her for one but suggest we might be able to reschedule sometime. If she doesn't then I know she has changed her mind. The reason becomes irrelevant if she won't share it. |
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I'd like some sort of reason ,so I have an idea if they've just totally changed their minds or something genuinely has come up.
If there was no reason given ,I'd accept that , but I wouldn't be rearranging and would expect them to make future contact .
Miss |
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"I don't expect one but i respect someone who gives a reason more and I'm more likely to reschedule with someone that gives a reason that seems genuine. "
This! I get that people can change their minds etc, but I give a reason if I have to cancel, so I do expect one from the other person/people
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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On a slightly different but related tact, we have twice been asked why in the last month when we have politely declined to go to a private room in a club with other couples. One accepted the 'We are looking for something different' reason and gracefully parted ways, the other was insistent and then took real offence when I said I didn't fancy his missus and Penny said she didn't find him either engaging or attractive (they really pushed for a reason).
We felt rude having to give specifics but then the other half of us thought they needed to know the truth, if only they had accepted out polite decline! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"On a slightly different but related tact, we have twice been asked why in the last month when we have politely declined to go to a private room in a club with other couples. One accepted the 'We are looking for something different' reason and gracefully parted ways, the other was insistent and then took real offence when I said I didn't fancy his missus and Penny said she didn't find him either engaging or attractive (they really pushed for a reason).
We felt rude having to give specifics but then the other half of us thought they needed to know the truth, if only they had accepted out polite decline!"
Don't blame you at all for telling them you don't fancy them! How rude! (Them, not you) |
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I have no issues with people cancelling, as long as I'm not going to be stood up at the rendezvous. I've only had one cancellation (cancellation, not reschedule) since I've been on Fab, and I took a day off for that.
Would I appreciate a reason?: yes.
Do I reasonably expect a reason?: yes.
I have no time for capricious women and those of a fickle disposition, but I will always make room for those who have had to cancel for genuine and compelling reasons. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Depends on how well I know the person. If it was a first coffee I wouldn't make any excuses because I feel like people have heard them all. I would simply apologise and see if we could reschedule
If I knew the person well enough I would tell them what's going on."
What if someone was running late because of a power outage and they couldn't shower or wash their hair  |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
I’ve cancelled the odd time , always as soon as I know and always with an honest reason even if that’s just ‘Really sorry but I’m just not feeling it’. What’s so hard about that?
It’s both personal integrity & respect to others.
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"If someone cancelled with you (a social or meet) do you expect a reason, or do you think they should give you one?
I’m fine with someone telling me they can’t make it, and I don’t ask why. I think I like to give them some privacy, it might be none of my business
But it does make me wonder, do I give an impression of not caring or that I wanted to call it off myself and they made it easy for me. ..
Should we give reasons? "
I'd only expect a reason if they wanted to rearrange. If they were just saying no to meeting at all, I'd be happy with nothing more than them just telling us. |
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Too simplistic. Looking at this outside the context of situational factors is meaningless.
If that's a single mother. Kid has ASD she has moved heaven and hell to get a babysitter to spend time with me.
I'm sat off playing Xbox and CBA. Not even bothered to tell her why.
I'm smelling of roses and she's an entitled ego maniac if she wants to know why, before she considers arranging another meet with me?
Do me a favour. |
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"I’ve cancelled the odd time , always as soon as I know and always with an honest reason even if that’s just ‘Really sorry but I’m just not feeling it’. What’s so hard about that?
It’s both personal integrity & respect to others.
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Saying you're not feeling it (though it wouldn't bother me) will appear fickle to some on here, like they can't be trusted again. A lot of people would rather just say sorry and expect some respect and understanding being Fab.
Re another poster, the ball probably is in that persons court now though!
I've always worried about people being pressured by sheer heft of ego into doing things that on reflection they'd rather not do. Especially on Fabguys, but here too sometimes.
pt |
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"If someone cancelled with you (a social or meet) do you expect a reason, or do you think they should give you one?
I’m fine with someone telling me they can’t make it, and I don’t ask why. I think I like to give them some privacy, it might be none of my business
But it does make me wonder, do I give an impression of not caring or that I wanted to call it off myself and they made it easy for me. ..
Should we give reasons? "
No, no reason has to be given or expected this is fab no one cares what you want or would consider good manners, good manners do not exist on Fab.
It is a series of mindsets brought about by users experience on FAB.
So like messages do not have to be answered neither will cancelled meets, or any other form of let down or rude treatment of others.
This is what you pay a fee for.
Entitlement is a two way street. |
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"If it's last minute, I would expect a reason... And I would give one.
If it was well in advance, not really necessary "
I have read many guys state their messages are not read, etc.
Answer do not expect no one has to expect anything, so I would say due to that and the many other reasons here on FAB that no excuse means do not have to give one.
Sorry. |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
I don't expect a reason.
It depends on the dynamic I have with someone - the closer they are the more likely I am to like to hear one. If it's Bob I've met at a social and he can't fuck me senseless? Cool.
If it's Sue I've known for a good few months and she'd rather fingerblast someone else? Just let me know. Maybe not about the someone else.
I've had it really poorly handled with someone before (not strictly in a "meet" context).
I'd rather people didn't lie to me so... I guess it's not a simple answer from me. |
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We booked to attend a Manchester Social that was being held earlier this year. This was arranged a few months in advance. Not long after a family member became very ill. We cancelled asap.
A persons reason may be genuine but hard to reveal |
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