FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Let’s solve this once and for all: is it rude not to reply to a DECENT message on Fab?

Let’s solve this once and for all: is it rude not to reply to a DECENT message on Fab?

Jump to: Newest in thread

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I really can’t believe nobody has asked this before

We get it ladies (and couples to a lesser degree) : your inboxes are full of shite copy and paste or one-liner messages and unsolicited cocks pics.

And NOBODY ever reads your profile, right?

Quite rightly, you discard these volumous messages with the disdain they deserve.

But …. what if someone HAS indeed taken time to read it through, has solved all the complex maths puzzles and added the key words you’ve hidden away in it, seen and jumped through all the hoops you’ve included.

They’ve hand-written a majestic piece of prose specific to you, your profile and your needs, attached a nice, clear and recent face picture and generally done all of the things that YOU asked of them.

All this is going to take time and effort. This doesn’t happen without significant investment and genuine interest in you and your profile.

Is it rude if you just then delete their message and ignore them. Maybe even block them?

Do they deserve an acknowledgment of that effort even if it’s a polite thank you but no thanks? Is there a MORAL argument here?

Or are the Fab guidelines clear : no reply means not interested and you don’t want to open yourself up to abuse or further questions asking why?

Men : what do you think?

Don’t worry this isn’t a whinge. I haven’t been ignored - I honestly never message anyone new anyway. So don’t shoot the messenger

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 06/09/23 06:35:11]

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *aturevoyerMan over a year ago

sheffield

When I had a couples profile yes if they had taken time to write a nice message I always answered if only a no thanks. Being a single on here and knowing gal hard it is just to be acknowledged is nice

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

In our opinion it's not rude not to reply, no one is entitled to get a message.

Personally if we was looking and we received a nice message as mentioned above and they'd clearly read our profile then we'd reply even if it's a thanks but no thanks type of message.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *o new WinksMan over a year ago

BSE

Yes, it's fine to not reply.

Most just look at your profile first and decide from there.

So there is no need to wax lyrical in your first message gents. Just a brief hello and expression of interest.

If they reply, then you can go Shekesperian on their ass.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Hey op

I get your frustration because like you my messages are composed with decency and only once I have read the profile assuming I feel I match the person but to no avail

However this has been asked numerous times and sadly “it is what it is” (shrug)

Move on and try again, or not

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I personally would reply. Its rare, sadly, to get such a good message so its nice to acknowledge it as such. I guess it depends on how many message some one would get, (women do get loads!) But the good ones do stick out as does a well done profile!! I love to read profiles.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *alandNitaCouple over a year ago

Scunthorpe

When you get a flier through the door from the local Pizza shop, is it rude not to phone them up to tell them "Sorry, but I'm not looking for Pizza today"?

Or, is it enough for them to understand that their exquisite flier wasn't specifically requested and that "if" you were interested you "would" respond?

Cal

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If im not attracted to him, I won't reply

A decent first message is not an indication that he won't be abusive when turned down

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

No. The fab guidelines are clear. This has been asked and answered many times from both men and women, the entitled and the overwhelmed, the rude and the abused.

You don’t answer spam emails or respond to junk Mail no matter how well thought out it is.

Just because someone’s written a message doesn’t mean you have to even read it let alone answer it.

And for the team who argue it’s morally correct or basic manners to answer, try having over 100 messages every day and see how you cope.

Saying ‘no thank you’ more often than not leads to ‘but why’ or ‘change your mind’ etc.

if you reply to people to say ‘no thank you’ they can then get round any filters you put up because you’re classed as having previously contacted them.

There are a hell of a lot of people on here who have an overinflated sense of entitlement and need to take a step back and think about what fab is.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *hrista BellendWoman over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

I've done the "No thank you" and still got repeat messages from them, so no. I'm sticking to be blanket unread delete for the foreseeable

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Considering the amount of messages single ladies must receive, I'd assume that only with a team of highly skilled secretaries could they reply to every single message sent and even then they'd struggle.

Unfortunately, it is what it is, the volume of copy and pasted messages, rude messages, mass messaging, not having read the profile messages nigh on make it impossible. Take note guys, if you didnt do the above you'd have less to compete with and the lovely ladies and couples might not have to sift through an unholy volume of junk to read your nicely worded, tailored message

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

There’s the HEY type of message I completely ignore

The copied and pasted get the same

But generally and if I don’t miss it, I make an effort to reply even if I’m not interested

But as a rule I’m going to say no it’s not rude at all !

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *uliette500Woman over a year ago

Hull

I like the option to keep my filters working if I choose to use them.

Replying to someone means if I turn my filters on in future all those I've replied too are not filtered out so I'll continue not replying thanks.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Let's be honest, considering the amount of messages some ladies/couples get, no-one can read every one. A friend told me she gets at least 100 messages a day, whilst reading them at least another 20-30 new ones pop up. How can anyone keep on top of that volume, have a life, and even meet anyone. It's a full time job just doing admin.

So yes whilst you/we may feel we've written our magnum opus, at best it may only get a skim read, but more than likely it will be passed by.

Just keep on keeping on, that's all you/we can do.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"When you get a flier through the door from the local Pizza shop, is it rude not to phone them up to tell them "Sorry, but I'm not looking for Pizza today"?

Or, is it enough for them to understand that their exquisite flier wasn't specifically requested and that "if" you were interested you "would" respond?

Cal"

But when that pizza shop says “if you like the look of our pizza, and think you might like to eat it, why not message us and add “extra pepperoni” in the subject title and attach a clear face photo and tell us exactly why you’d like to eat it” then maybe the expectation changes?

Or doesn’t it? I don’t know?

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *unthum62Man over a year ago

Benidorm

In a non Fab world a response would be deemed polite and proper.

In a Fab world any message which has a personal and detailed content such as you describe probably deserves a polite acknowledgement, even a cut and paste one, then block, if you do not wish to hear more.

So many people mention the abusive replies or ongoing messages, begging, pestering etc., to rejection messages, which is unacceptable behaviour, but just press the block button and save the drama.

One worders, cut and pastes, dick pics and generally ignorant, or txt spk messages deserve to be ignored obviously.

However if I send a detailed response and jump through all the hoops, solve the riddle and send the pics but still get no response I do,feel dissapointed. But thats Fab. Suck it up or don't play.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple over a year ago

Leeds

If it’s a decent message we will take the time to reply, even if it is a polite no thank you, but the bellend brigade gets a little tedious but I like to have fun with those ones.

The thing that baffles me is, even after the big warning sign that says “ this couple of not looking for men “ that comes up before they message, they still message and try and convince the mrs that she wants to fuck random dick pic guy

The mr

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Considering the amount of messages single ladies must receive, I'd assume that only with a team of highly skilled secretaries could they reply to every single message sent and even then they'd struggle.

But that wasn’t the question.

The question was specifically those that *aren’t* like that, it’s those messages that meet the requirements that YOU specifically asked for.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple over a year ago

Leeds

[Removed by poster at 06/09/23 06:48:21]

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *oo..Woman over a year ago

Boo's World

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *hilloutMan over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

It can feel discouraging to craft a well put together message and comply with the profile's messaging requirements that then goes unanswered, or simply deleted without being opened. Doubly so if you seem to fit the criteria the profile lays out.

No one is obliged to respond, and many don't for reasons already stated by others.

The success rate for spontaneously messaging a profile without any prior interaction is very low, regardless of how good your profile may look. I mostly abandoned this approach very early on. Forum interaction, attending socials and clubs is far more productive.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

The thing that irks me about this place is the expectation that women should be grateful for a message that has been sent to hundreds of people. Yes the message may be well constructed and include a few scanned features from your profile, but most of the time it isn't personalised to you.

And even if we did reply, who wants to hear it anyway? No one wants to be rejected and most people don't want to make someone feel bad. The ones that say just let me know and I won't bother you again. As a man, you should take a no reply as an answer and know already not to harass people until you get that definite 'no'. Not to mention the abuse or questions you get if you do say no.

We'd all get on a lot better if people lost their expectations and just connected with people as it comes. It's not that deep and anyone getting validation from if a woman replies or not, probably shouldn't be on here in the first place.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *teveanddebsCouple over a year ago

Norwich

We feel it's rude not to reply to a message that has been solicited, when you post a meet etc. or when a message is relevant maybe to a post you've made on the forum.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"When you get a flier through the door from the local Pizza shop, is it rude not to phone them up to tell them "Sorry, but I'm not looking for Pizza today"?

Or, is it enough for them to understand that their exquisite flier wasn't specifically requested and that "if" you were interested you "would" respond?

Cal

Or doesn’t it? I don’t know?

Hang on that analogy doesn’t work!

It’s back to front!

Ok I’ll try again!

If someone says “I’m hungry. I could really do with some tasty take away food right now.

I’m specifically looking for something Italian, oven baked, cheesy. Open to a variety of bases, maybe tomato, maybe BBQ. I like a bit of variety in my toppings, let me know what you can offer. Please send a detailed leaflet outlining what you can offer, include pictures and a complete description of each option.

Preference given to those that have Ben & Jerry’s cookie dough ice cream in 500ml tubs” then surely the leaflet WAS what you were after, wasn’t it?

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I don't think it's rude. Dictating how other people should spend their time on Fab - answering messages from people they're not interested in - now, that's rude.

Women are socialised to "be nice" often at their own cost. When they don't adhere to this, people deem it rude. I found it a very hard expectation to break free of, but now I just don't give a fuck if a complete stranger whom I have NO interest in thinks I'm rude.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *eartsmanMan over a year ago

southeast , midlands, southern France

I think it's quite simple, if the person/s receiving the message fancies the look of them no matter what the message is they will probably get a reply,

If they don't, then it's obvious they are not interested, pointless writing to much as a first message, I tend to sent a polite short introduction message, that way if they're not interested, you haven't had to spend to much time. Unfortunately the ladies in here get so many messages it's sometimes hard for them to keep up .

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *ily WhiteWoman over a year ago

What about the ladies that prefer to be the one who messages those that they like the look of?

When I was meeting I very rarely ventured into my inbox unless to check for replies from people that I'd messaged first. I'm sure I must have had at least a few decent messages over the years, but I wouldn't know as I realised very early on that I didn't want to be trawling through all the tosh I received on a daily basis. Occasionally I would scan the avatars in my inbox - if one caught my eye and looked like someone who I might fancy then I'd view their profile, only if that viewing confirmed that I found them attractive and there were no other offputting things in their profile would I even consider opening the message. But mainly I just couldn't be arsed, and I really don't give a monkey's arsehole if complete strangers think I'm rude or not.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *orny-DJMan over a year ago

Leigh-on-Sea

It's been covered in site FAQs.

Wish more people would read them

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *ulieAndBeefCouple over a year ago

Manchester-ish

"When you get a flier through the door from the local Pizza shop, is it rude not to phone them up to tell them "Sorry, but I'm not looking for Pizza today"?

Or, is it enough for them to understand that their exquisite flier wasn't specifically requested and that "if" you were interested you "would" respond?

Cal

Or doesn’t it? I don’t know?

Hang on that analogy doesn’t work!

It’s back to front!

Ok I’ll try again!

If someone says “I’m hungry. I could really do with some tasty take away food right now.

Preference given to those that have Ben & Jerry’s cookie dough ice cream in 500ml tubs” then surely the leaflet WAS what you were after, wasn’t it?

But if that flyer is surrounded by 100 other flyers for food that you hate or are allergic too with revolting pictures on the inside the you might not even see it... And the last time you did answer the pizza flyer it turned out to give you you food poisoning and they were rude when you told them...You might still not answer.

I too can stretch an analogy

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *abrielle43Woman over a year ago

Kildare

I answer all messages. If it's a 'No thank you' I block afterwards to save potential abuse or being asked 'Why not?'

It's often easier to hide your own profile when logged in so not inundated while answering messages, makes the inbox much easier to manage. Unknown friend requests are automatically deleted.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *ulieAndBeefCouple over a year ago

Manchester-ish

Ugh, the typos.

sorry!

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *attedCurvyLassWoman over a year ago

CASTLEFORD

As a single woman on here, even replying politely with a no thanks doesn't satisfy most. I've had some that tell me this is a sex site so I shouldn't turn them down etc.

So I don't think us women or couples should respond to everyone, I always pick the ones that read my profile and I'm attracted to.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *eliWoman over a year ago

No.

(Also... love Julie's stretching of the analogy. Well played)

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"When you get a flier through the door from the local Pizza shop, is it rude not to phone them up to tell them "Sorry, but I'm not looking for Pizza today"?

Or, is it enough for them to understand that their exquisite flier wasn't specifically requested and that "if" you were interested you "would" respond?

Cal

Or doesn’t it? I don’t know?

Hang on that analogy doesn’t work!

It’s back to front!

Ok I’ll try again!

If someone says “I’m hungry. I could really do with some tasty take away food right now.

Preference given to those that have Ben & Jerry’s cookie dough ice cream in 500ml tubs” then surely the leaflet WAS what you were after, wasn’t it?

I too can stretch an analogy

Yeah but even if the flyer doesn’t meet all of your dietary requirements, it’s not still not necessarily unsolicited, as per the original post.

If the pizza shop has drafted up a menu to your exact specifications and includes the cookie dough ice cream as requested, had it specially printed and hand delivered to your door, does the delivery man not deserve a cheery “thank you for adhering to our request and our requirements that we asked for, I’ve opted instead for a kebab but I appreciate the effort you’ve made to satisfy my hunger”?

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *amantha_JadeWoman over a year ago

Newcastle

If a profile pic in my inbox looks decent, I will click on their profile first, skim over the pics and bio and then decide if I want to open the message. Therefore about 80% of my inbox messages get deleted, unread. I wouldn’t know whether they’d took the time to craft a wonderful message or not.

But as many others have said, no, it’s not rude not to reply. We didn’t ask for the message, so we don’t owe a response.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *illy IdolMan over a year ago

Midlands

The only thing that annoys me is the unread option. Have they read it, haven't they read it. I won't delete it just yet as they might be busy... Like ripping off a plaster, give it to me fast. Atleast I know where I stand with a deleted message or a "sorry, you're not what I'm looking for"

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

And my response gives YOU the context as to why its not rude not to reply to tailored messages because its an unrealistic expectation.

I've applied for jobs before with what I think is a perfectly tailored CV that matches the role and not received so much as a thank you. Thats life, I didn't post on a forum about it

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *avexxMan over a year ago

cheshire

i get thousands and thousands of messages every day its impossible to reply to them all,,

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *illy IdolMan over a year ago

Midlands

"And my response gives YOU the context as to why its not rude not to reply to tailored messages because its an unrealistic expectation.

I've applied for jobs before with what I think is a perfectly tailored CV that matches the role and not received so much as a thank you. Thats life, I didn't post on a forum about it "

Not with an unread message. Just leave it read and don't respond. That's totally fine and much clearer

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"And my response gives YOU the context as to why its not rude not to reply to tailored messages because its an unrealistic expectation.

I've applied for jobs before with what I think is a perfectly tailored CV that matches the role and not received so much as a thank you. Thats life, I didn't post on a forum about it "

Yeah, but I bet you still *thought* it was rude of the company not to even acknowledge your application? The fact that you say “not received so much as a thank you” would suggest a little bit of disappointment in the way I read it..

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I really can’t believe nobody has asked this before

We get it ladies (and couples to a lesser degree) : your inboxes are full of shite copy and paste or one-liner messages and unsolicited cocks pics.

And NOBODY ever reads your profile, right?

Quite rightly, you discard these volumous messages with the disdain they deserve.

All this is going to take time and effort. This doesn’t happen without significant investment and genuine interest in you and your profile.

Is it rude if you just then delete their message and ignore them. Maybe even block them?

Do they deserve an acknowledgment of that effort even if it’s a polite thank you but no thanks? Is there a MORAL argument here?

Or are the Fab guidelines clear : no reply means not interested and you don’t want to open yourself up to abuse or further questions asking why?

Men : what do you think?

Don’t worry this isn’t a whinge. I haven’t been ignored - I honestly never message anyone new anyway. So don’t shoot the messenger

TL:DR

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

People do have their own lives and the whole world does not revolve around fab. Jobs, family, partners, illness, travel, prison, death even. Could be many reasons, hmm

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *ualityNotQuantityUKCouple over a year ago

Leicester

I think the fundamental problem here is that the vast majority of males, unfortunately, see any type of a reply as a response and so therefore respond back. Its easier just to ignore.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

No it’s not rude. The effort and sincerity an author might put into their message is totally irrelevant. If the recipient is not interested they are under no obligation to acknowledge or reply.

Such is fab.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

No, because I'm applying for a job. I want the job, if I don't hear then its logical to assume I've not got it and move on

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *ophieslutTV/TS over a year ago

Central

No, it's not rude. It's the Fab lifestyle. When in Rome (Fab), do as the Romans.

Behave respectfully, as you want. But it's unrealistic to expect thousands of people to match you, when different behavioral norms have existed for close to 2 decades to your own. And it's not likely to be healthy for you, if you don't/won't assimilate.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *ommyTighMan over a year ago

Edinburgh

If a proper effort has been made - I find it rude, that’s not to say it is but my personal opinion is it’s rude.

A simple - thanks not for me goes a long way

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *onderWomanWlvWoman over a year ago

Wolverhampton

"I don't think it's rude. Dictating how other people should spend their time on Fab - answering messages from people they're not interested in - now, that's rude.

This this this this, and this some more.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *ulieAndBeefCouple over a year ago

Manchester-ish

"Hang on that analogy doesn’t work!

It’s back to front!

Ok I’ll try again!

If someone says “I’m hungry. I could really do with some tasty take away food right now.

Preference given to those that have Ben & Jerry’s cookie dough ice cream in 500ml tubs” then surely the leaflet WAS what you were after, wasn’t it?

I too can stretch an analogy

Yeah but even if the flyer doesn’t meet all of your dietary requirements, it’s not still not necessarily unsolicited, as per the original post.

If he can get past the unsolicited delivery men then maybe but we're not hungry all the time. Hiding the request on a daily basis to suit whether or not we're in the mood for food is a lot of hassle. Some days we just won't want the best flyer in the world.

We don't put up any food requests though so we don't feel bad ignoring the flyers. We prefer to go to food halls and meet the vendors in person.

Fuck, I've had enough of this analogy.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *illy IdolMan over a year ago

Midlands

"I think the fundamental problem here is that the vast majority of males, unfortunately, see any type of a reply as a response and so therefore respond back. Its easier just to ignore. "

I knew you were ignoring me!!

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *rFoxAndXenoCouple over a year ago

Weymouth

If it's clearly a scattergun approach and we're not interested, we don't reply. If they send a face pic and seem genuinely interested, in the rare instance we're not interested in getting to know them further we will reply politely - but that's up to us and we don't blame people for not doing it x

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

We don't put up any food requests though so we don't feel bad ignoring the flyers. We prefer to go to food halls and meet the vendors in person.

Fuck, I've had enough of this analogy.

Fancy a fuck?

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple over a year ago

Leeds

When the huge warning comes up, this couple isn't looking for single men - why should I reply despite how good a message it is, they chose to ignore the rather large warning.

(Generally I do reply to most even if it is to say that cock is minging thanks for putting me off my coffee)

Mrs

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *egasus NobMan over a year ago

Merton

Like trying to solve religion

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *eneralKenobiMan over a year ago

North Angus

TLDR

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *ucka39Man over a year ago

Newcastle

Nope not rude at all wasn't any hint they were interested to begin with

Do people say hello to everyone they pass in the street or just pick few out possibly getting a hello back

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I don't think it's rude. Dictating how other people should spend their time on Fab - answering messages from people they're not interested in - now, that's rude.

This this this this, and this some more. "

If people can’t give a fuck if they’re rude to others, in return can they expect others to give a fuck if they’re rude back!?

Do we create an un-virtuous circle of rudeness!?

Is THAT what’s all that’s wrong with Fab!?

I think we should be told!

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *y the cCouple over a year ago

guernsey

We did used to try to reply with a polite No thank you but as others has stated this then opens the floodgates for more messages form the same person.

Because of the volume of messages we get sometimes we miss the ones that we are interested in.

I know how hard it must be for single guys but I’m sure if they were to receive the messages that single ladies or couples receive then it wouldn’t be long before they couldn’t keep up replying to everyone.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I really can’t believe nobody has asked this before

We get it ladies (and couples to a lesser degree) : your inboxes are full of shite copy and paste or one-liner messages and unsolicited cocks pics.

And NOBODY ever reads your profile, right?

Quite rightly, you discard these volumous messages with the disdain they deserve.

All this is going to take time and effort. This doesn’t happen without significant investment and genuine interest in you and your profile.

Is it rude if you just then delete their message and ignore them. Maybe even block them?

Do they deserve an acknowledgment of that effort even if it’s a polite thank you but no thanks? Is there a MORAL argument here?

Or are the Fab guidelines clear : no reply means not interested and you don’t want to open yourself up to abuse or further questions asking why?

Men : what do you think?

Don’t worry this isn’t a whinge. I haven’t been ignored - I honestly never message anyone new anyway. So don’t shoot the messenger

TL:DR"

Hurtful

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *sername already in useMan over a year ago

manchester

If boobs are attached to the message then a lack of words can be forgiven

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *uckslut and MCouple over a year ago

Poole

Our account is quite clear. Don't contant us unless we have a meet or status up. Random one liners get ignored. Well thought outs might get a reply. But then, they see it as a foot in the door. And bombard us!

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Our account is quite clear. Don't contant us unless we have a meet or status up. Random one liners get ignored. Well thought outs might get a reply. But then, they see it as a foot in the door. And bombard us! "

Then that’s the time to block them isn’t it? If they won’t accept the polite rejection.

I dunno, I’m just playing devils advocate here.

I haven’t proactively messaged anyone in years!

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *asty tatsyMan over a year ago

london

No I don’t think it’s rude, I personally respond to messages regardless but I don’t get hundreds in my box and I don’t get abusive ones. For others it’s different and the rules are simple a non reply is a no sorry.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *sername already in useMan over a year ago

manchester

I only message when mercury is in retrograde

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *uke_silverMan over a year ago

London

Yes the message may be well constructed and include a few scanned features from your profile, but most of the time it isn't personalised to you.

This is interesting, I always start off with a daunting blank box - because I assume the profile text is what will be be common in the messages anyway. Do people have separate message templates?

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *lutBoobsAndCockCouple over a year ago

Hanley

We try to reply to everyone but we received a block a couple of times. Over replying and fab stopped replying for a few hours. We do it out of politeness because people have taken the time to message us.

But it backfired big time lmao xxx

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *ick_man_88Man over a year ago

hartlepool

Always polite to be polite

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *luttyLaylaWoman over a year ago

North West

It’s definitely been asked a lot haha.

No I don’t find it rude. At all. No one owes anyone a reply.

Feel like people really over think how other people use fab haha.

A deleted message = a polite no thanks. If you take that as rude it’s on you IMO

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *bi HaiveMan over a year ago
Forum Mod

Cheeseville, Somerset

"The thing that irks me about this place is the expectation that women should be grateful for a message that has been sent to hundreds of people. Yes the message may be well constructed and include a few scanned features from your profile, but most of the time it isn't personalised to you.

This. 10000%

To all the people that think a 'will crafted', personalised message should deserve some kind of response I'd say two things.

Firstly shouldn't all messages be like that? We all know that's rare of course, because it takes time, means you have to read profiles thoroughly, take into account individual dynamics and personal tastes, maybe include some kind of 'keyword' or include certain photos.....and for many people that's just too much hard work, so they'll cut and paste or send a brief two line opening message because they think 'What's the point' in wasting time putting too much effort in.

And secondly? Let's say people did reply to every message you sent, with a well constructed, personalised and detailed explanation as to why they're not interested. How does that benefit you if you can't change the outcome, can't change your physical characteristics such as height, age, body type or dick size, your location, or your looks?

How many rejections would it take to make someone happy that they were at least getting message responses? What happens then? Nothing. There's no real benefit to being told 'no thanks' is there? Why not just assume it's a no until a message comes in saying 'yes' or asking for more info?

Because doing that means you're far more likely to end up actually engaging with people who are genuinely interested in you.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *rincess-PeachWoman over a year ago

irrelevant

I used to reply with thanks so much for polite message but I'm not looking atm. They usually then ask why or convince me to give them a try and that's just the biggest turn off for me personally I cannot stand begging or but I'm a nice guy stuff. So I end up blocking a lot because I've no time for that shit. Now I just have a closed inbox

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Yes very rude

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We don't put up any food requests though so we don't feel bad ignoring the flyers. We prefer to go to food halls and meet the vendors in person.

Fuck, I've had enough of this analogy.

Fancy a fuck?

I think battling analogies is far more fun for the two of you

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *rLordMan over a year ago

Swadlincote

It's a sign of the times when even a well written and conforming message is just deleted without reply. On the assumption that it will only result in abusive replies.

I read a lot of profiles, taking in all requirements. Most result in no message, as I don't fit. On the odd occasion I have a reply, if it is one of no thanks. My only reply would be thanks have fun.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I don't think it's rude. Dictating how other people should spend their time on Fab - answering messages from people they're not interested in - now, that's rude.

This this this this, and this some more.

If people can’t give a fuck if they’re rude to others, in return can they expect others to give a fuck if they’re rude back!?

Do we create an un-virtuous circle of rudeness!?

Is THAT what’s all that’s wrong with Fab!?

I think we should be told!

Did you just....call me rude? I thought you were Switzerland in this thread! You've been FOUND OUT.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *ot_Guy999Man over a year ago

Close by...

"I really can’t believe nobody has asked this before

We get it ladies (and couples to a lesser degree) : your inboxes are full of shite copy and paste or one-liner messages and unsolicited cocks pics.

And NOBODY ever reads your profile, right?

Quite rightly, you discard these volumous messages with the disdain they deserve.

All this is going to take time and effort. This doesn’t happen without significant investment and genuine interest in you and your profile.

Is it rude if you just then delete their message and ignore them. Maybe even block them?

Do they deserve an acknowledgment of that effort even if it’s a polite thank you but no thanks? Is there a MORAL argument here?

Or are the Fab guidelines clear : no reply means not interested and you don’t want to open yourself up to abuse or further questions asking why?

Men : what do you think?

Don’t worry this isn’t a whinge. I haven’t been ignored - I honestly never message anyone new anyway. So don’t shoot the messenger

I atleast provide a no thank you

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *ora the explorerWoman over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

Some think it’s rude some don’t. That will always be the case. I look at profiles before I read messages. If I don’t like the profile I delete and block. Some may think that’s rude. That’s how I’ve always done fab and it’s worked for me.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Actually, it doesn't matter remotely that various people have carefully explained from experience WHY it isn't rude because none of the people who are convinced it's rude haven't read the damn thread.

They just pop on to say - why, yes, it's ethically correct that women and couples MUST reply to me because I am not one of these entitled people.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *onicZMan over a year ago

Nottinghamshire

I used to think it was but from threads like this and from reading the rules of fab properly, I worked out pretty quickly that it's not rude at all.

I did get a thanks but no thanks recently for the first time and that was nice. I followed up with a no problem thank you for coming back to me and left it at that. You can't force someone to like you.

However, deleted messages or ignored messages are the same. If that offends then it's time to take a look at yourself and get some thick skin on otherwise it'll drive you mad.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *imisugarWoman over a year ago

Rugby

I feel is someone can't take the 5 minutes to acquaint themselves with the site rules; they are never going to be satisfied.

The entitlement is high with threads like these. The assumption a "decent" message has been sent is almost comical.

If the intended recipient wanted to reply; they would have. It's really that simple.

If a fellow fabber wants to consider me rude for not replying - I can cope with that.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *heVonMatterhornsCouple over a year ago

Lincoln

No.

LvM

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It's a sign of the times when even a well written and conforming message is just deleted without reply. On the assumption that it will only result in abusive replies.

I read a lot of profiles, taking in all requirements. Most result in no message, as I don't fit. On the odd occasion I have a reply, if it is one of no thanks. My only reply would be thanks have fun."

Why would anyone read an unsolicited message from a bloke?

It's like getting cold calls on my smart phone, it says 'suspected spam' and I click decline or block.

It's not discourteous - the FAB Faqs make that clear.

Stop feeling so entitled.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *ensual-dominant-passionMan over a year ago

sheffield

To be honest when I send a message I don’t keep checking to see if they have read my message or not… if they reply then they do.. no point dwelling or feeling like I’m privileged in some way to get a reply.. even tho I have made a huge effort in my first message.. I don’t expect anything.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I don't think it's rude. Dictating how other people should spend their time on Fab - answering messages from people they're not interested in - now, that's rude.

This this this this, and this some more.

If people can’t give a fuck if they’re rude to others, in return can they expect others to give a fuck if they’re rude back!?

Do we create an un-virtuous circle of rudeness!?

Is THAT what’s all that’s wrong with Fab!?

I think we should be told!

Did you just....call me rude? I thought you were Switzerland in this thread! You've been FOUND OUT.

I’m entirely neutral! Sadly no hoards of Nazi gold in my attic though ..

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *andyfloss2000Woman over a year ago

ashford

If i open the message will allways reply! As yes would b rude if I didn't! B like ignoring someone who has spoke to u in person! The conversation does not have to proceed beyond that though! Most of my messages for that reason stay yellow! I look at the profile and the first few words before I decide weather to open or not x

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *trideMan over a year ago

Plymouth

Respond to interesting unsolicited messages received. Delete uninteresting ones and block the senders to stop their “junk mail”. Life is too short.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"If i open the message will allways reply! As yes would b rude if I didn't! B like ignoring someone who has spoke to u in person! The conversation does not have to proceed beyond that though! Most of my messages for that reason stay yellow! I look at the profile and the first few words before I decide weather to open or not x"

Do you owe a reply to every random man on the street who says "smile, love, might never happen"?

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *adMerWoman over a year ago

Sandwich

Some people just act entitled. They feel that they are entitled to a reply just because they put some effort into a short message.

I feel if those people put 4 times the effort into crafting a really good profile, visiting a few socials and joining in on the forums then their success rate would vastly improve.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Not rude, if you want a reply go to a social

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Easy solution for those overwhelmed by numbers of messages or bothered by what they see as entitled men expecting a reply. Close your inbox and look for those you're interested in and message them.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

No one’s obligated …

Just like when I don’t answer numbers I don’t know

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *illy IdolMan over a year ago

Midlands

It's trial and error but what I'm learning is spend your time writing a good profile that portrays you rather than long personal messages. If they like the look of your profile and you, they'll get back to you. If not, you're not for them.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *aucasian GhandiMan over a year ago

from my dad's left nut (Warwick)

Bring back the rate my cock threads

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *odgerMooreMan over a year ago

Fulwood

I think a consolation hand job is the least any right minded sex vixen on here should consider after all that effort!! A copy and paste message should get a ‘no thanks but heres a pic of My tits for effort!’ Message In return…. The Ch5 documentary promised me… or i wouldn’t have joined!!

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *aucasian GhandiMan over a year ago

from my dad's left nut (Warwick)

[Removed by poster at 06/09/23 09:42:07]

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *odgerMooreMan over a year ago

Fulwood

Do you owe a reply to every random man on the street who says "smile, love, might never happen"? "

I think in this situation the correct protocol is to say ‘ ahh yes youre right - sorry about that!!’ and flash them your tits as a well earned thankyou for reminding yiu of your obligation!!

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *rimson_RoseWoman over a year ago

Tamworth

No. Fuck me, that was easy! On to world peace.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *aucasian GhandiMan over a year ago

from my dad's left nut (Warwick)

"Easy solution for those overwhelmed by numbers of messages or bothered by what they see as entitled men expecting a reply. Close your inbox and look for those you're interested in and message them.

You mean there's a solution to all this madness, well fuck me

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *inky_couple2020Couple over a year ago

North West

Is it rude?

No.

The local double glazing people put loads of effort into the glossy leaflet they paid someone to put through our door, but I don't send an email thanking them but no, we don't need any windows right now.

Same difference here. Unsolicited message, however lovely, we don't have an obligation to answer.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *rincess-PeachWoman over a year ago

irrelevant

Do you owe a reply to every random man on the street who says "smile, love, might never happen"? "
Oh I fucking HATE that so much they get a scowl that's it , fuckers haha

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Do you owe a reply to every random man on the street who says "smile, love, might never happen"?

I think in this situation the correct protocol is to say ‘ ahh yes youre right - sorry about that!!’ and flash them your tits as a well earned thankyou for reminding yiu of your obligation!!

As long as I don't have to smile

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *ischief ManagedCouple over a year ago

manchester

It can be a decent message and they can have a nice profile which is well worded and perhaps even what you are looking for in a meet. But it will still boil down to do are we or individually attracted to them that is the key.

Are you obliged to reply the answer is no you are not. Is it worth replying in some cases yes but in others not and you can get abuse.So some may just ignore , some may reply to all, and some may only reply to a few..

Swings and roundabouts! There is no definitive answer..

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *2000ManMan over a year ago

Worthing

You answered your own question op. They get many messages than they can cope with. Sometimes easier to ignore and/or delete. Best join in with forum/cam room chat and get noticed rather than approaching with messages.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *t0600Man over a year ago

elvedon

I think if you read and don’t reply it’s rude yes . Even a polite no thanks but thanks for the message

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *atnip make me purrWoman over a year ago

Reading

If they fit what I'm looking for, i.e., live in Reading and can accomodate then they will get a reply. If they don't, what's the point?

That's the thing. The message could be worthy of a puliitzer but if they are not what the profile is looking for then really do you deserve a reply? If you apply for a job as a heart surgeon but you are an architect would you expect a reply?

Also if you message people regularly on the hotlist you know that person gets too many messages to reply so again don't expect anything.

The best advice is to delete the message from the send folder so you don't track it at all. Then if you get a reply it's a lovely surprise. Expect nothing from this site and you will never be disappointed.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I really can’t believe nobody has asked this before

We get it ladies (and couples to a lesser degree) : your inboxes are full of shite copy and paste or one-liner messages and unsolicited cocks pics.

And NOBODY ever reads your profile, right?

Quite rightly, you discard these volumous messages with the disdain they deserve.

All this is going to take time and effort. This doesn’t happen without significant investment and genuine interest in you and your profile.

Is it rude if you just then delete their message and ignore them. Maybe even block them?

Do they deserve an acknowledgment of that effort even if it’s a polite thank you but no thanks? Is there a MORAL argument here?

Or are the Fab guidelines clear : no reply means not interested and you don’t want to open yourself up to abuse or further questions asking why?

Men : what do you think?

Don’t worry this isn’t a whinge. I haven’t been ignored - I honestly never message anyone new anyway. So don’t shoot the messenger

Simples. If they are not for you a block means a polite no. What is hard in that to comprehend op.

By the way op males block too or ignore so lets have this equal op. Blocking means no thank you. Just said no thank you and got ear bashed by a male. I forgot to block after my message not realising I would be on the end of rude response. It is something fab will never change its spots op.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *bi HaiveMan over a year ago
Forum Mod

Cheeseville, Somerset

"No. Fuck me, that was easy! On to world peace. "

And the pension crisis.

Although I think we solved that.....

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *odgerMooreMan over a year ago

Fulwood

Do you owe a reply to every random man on the street who says "smile, love, might never happen"?

I think in this situation the correct protocol is to say ‘ ahh yes youre right - sorry about that!!’ and flash them your tits as a well earned thankyou for reminding yiu of your obligation!!

As long as I don't have to smile

I think a smile indicates you would prefer them to cop a quick grope and maybe if they can add an ‘oi oi - that’s the game!!’ It would be very welcome xx

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *rimson_RoseWoman over a year ago

Tamworth

"No. Fuck me, that was easy! On to world peace.

And the pension crisis.

Although I think we solved that.....

I don’t know why governments make such a fuss about resolving these things.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *essaMayWoman over a year ago

Fairytale Wood

Will never be resolved like all thevother whinge threads, scottish independence, brexit.

People will keep posting these kind of threads and variations of, until the get the answer they want to hear

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *adbod2godbodMan over a year ago

Manchester

It's because you don't get replies to the long, well constructed, obviously one off messages that tie in some relevance to the recipients profile. That people will just copy and paste generic messages.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *partharmonyCouple over a year ago

Ruislip

You are expecting to wade through a bunch of dross just in case there's a decent one. I don't think there's any obligation to do that.

Nobody is entitled to a reply.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *ransmascMan over a year ago

doncaster

No you don't owe a reply to anybody, it’s not that deep honestly

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *aveandSue1Couple over a year ago

Doncaster

Depends what you consider to be "decent".

"Hi" isn't decent neither is "I wanna fuck you".

Similarly a ten paragraph copy and paste email which has been scatter gunned to 100s of couples profiles isn't decent either.

If we're contacted in a respectful email by someone who can string a few sentences together in an attempt to open dialogue then he'll certainly get a reply.

An attached cock picture automatically gets deleted !

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *eyond PurityCouple over a year ago

Lincolnshire

If you don’t fancy the person or find their profile, pics, message appealing then it really doesn’t matter if it’s 5 or 500 words that have been written.

But what I would say and the reason we delete most messages, is if you have a blank profile pic, cock pics, action shots in your profile pic, it’s a delete. If your profile is bland, blank, off-putting, it’s a delete. If your message is bland, off-putting, you’ve attached cock/action pics it’s a delete.

We only want people who have made an effort on FAB to contact us…I honestly wonder why most people on FAB with a blank profile stay on FAB - it must soul destroying to get constant rejection!

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *aucasian GhandiMan over a year ago

from my dad's left nut (Warwick)

"No. Fuck me, that was easy! On to world peace.

And the pension crisis.

Although I think we solved that.....

I don’t know why governments make such a fuss about resolving these things. "

Just concrete over the gaps

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Easy solution for those overwhelmed by numbers of messages or bothered by what they see as entitled men expecting a reply. Close your inbox and look for those you're interested in and message them.

You mean there's a solution to all this madness, well fuck me

Now?

lol

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *aucasian GhandiMan over a year ago

from my dad's left nut (Warwick)

"Easy solution for those overwhelmed by numbers of messages or bothered by what they see as entitled men expecting a reply. Close your inbox and look for those you're interested in and message them.

You mean there's a solution to all this madness, well fuck me

Now?

lol

I'm going to fein injury at work lol...

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *tephanie4biandstr8TV/TS over a year ago

Eastbourne

Personally I answer each and every message I receive no matter what. I'm old fashioned in that if someone has contacted you (even if it's copy n paste global type or the "do you want to suck on this or I would fuck you senseless)I reply.

Now how I reply is different. The basic or unstructured ones receive the same in return.

The specific graphic type get a blunt no thanks.

Obviously if they have taken the time to write something worthwhile I do too.

Having said all this in a nutshell this attitude of no reply is reply is either lazy or plain rude.

I know a lot will not agree with me and that's fine.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *illycarrolCouple over a year ago

n/cle on tyne

We always reply to nice msgs but never knacker neds 1 liners and invariably get a nice response back as most guys never get a reply off most msgs they send out we think if they have taken the time n effort it's only polite it might just cheer someone up having a shit day

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Easy solution for those overwhelmed by numbers of messages or bothered by what they see as entitled men expecting a reply. Close your inbox and look for those you're interested in and message them.

You mean there's a solution to all this madness, well fuck me

Now?

lol

I'm going to fein injury at work lol...

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *aucasian GhandiMan over a year ago

from my dad's left nut (Warwick)

"Easy solution for those overwhelmed by numbers of messages or bothered by what they see as entitled men expecting a reply. Close your inbox and look for those you're interested in and message them.

You mean there's a solution to all this madness, well fuck me

Now?

lol

I'm going to fein injury at work lol...

Just need a viable but unnoticeable roofing related injury, any suggestions...

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Easy solution for those overwhelmed by numbers of messages or bothered by what they see as entitled men expecting a reply. Close your inbox and look for those you're interested in and message them.

You mean there's a solution to all this madness, well fuck me

Now?

lol

I'm going to fein injury at work lol...

Just need a viable but unnoticeable roofing related injury, any suggestions..."

I'll call round with a hosepipe and rain you off

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *aucasian GhandiMan over a year ago

from my dad's left nut (Warwick)

"Easy solution for those overwhelmed by numbers of messages or bothered by what they see as entitled men expecting a reply. Close your inbox and look for those you're interested in and message them.

You mean there's a solution to all this madness, well fuck me

Now?

lol

I'm going to fein injury at work lol...

Just need a viable but unnoticeable roofing related injury, any suggestions...

I'll call round with a hosepipe and rain you off

Now your talking, be seeing you in a bit

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Hey op

I get your frustration because like you my messages are composed with decency and only once I have read the profile assuming I feel I match the person but to no avail

However this has been asked numerous times and sadly “it is what it is” (shrug)

Move on and try again, or not

Exactly This ..

I take time, Comment on bits in the Profile (IF there's a Profile there to comment on) and get nothing.. but Hey-ho, such is Fab-Life..

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *r TriomanMan over a year ago

Chippenham Malmesbury area

Hello OP, seeing as this question has been asked ten's of time already and has received a resounding "No" each time, I think it's fair to say that it has already been answered once and for all (many times).

This post does seem to highlight the problem though; there are a few people that can't accept "no" for an answer.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *atty CoramWoman over a year ago

Wimbledon

"Personally I answer each and every message I receive no matter what. I'm old fashioned in that if someone has contacted you (even if it's copy n paste global type or the "do you want to suck on this or I would fuck you senseless)I reply.

Now how I reply is different. The basic or unstructured ones receive the same in return.

The specific graphic type get a blunt no thanks.

Obviously if they have taken the time to write something worthwhile I do too.

Having said all this in a nutshell this attitude of no reply is reply is either lazy or plain rude.

I know a lot will not agree with me and that's fine. "

I am lazy and I am rude.

In short: I can be a bit of a cunt.

I dont receive 100s of messages so I cannot use the excuse that I am overwhelmed by sheer volume and retire to my fainting couch with a wet flannel.

If I dont want to reply: I dont. If dont want to meet: I dont. If I dont want to have sex: I dont.

Bartleby (I would prefer not to) is my spirit animal - although in truth it did end badly for him so maybe I need to review.

If being labeled as rude or disrespectful or lazy is the consequence of not replying to messages thats ok.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *ansoffateMan over a year ago

Sagittarius A

Deserve ain't got nothing to do with it.

Ok so moral under what lens? Intention, outcome, adherence to rules?

Intention: I cannot know if there was an intent to be rude. Is there another possibility; certainly, it may also be situational rather than dispositional.

Outcome: I am responsible for my feelings. If simply not getting a response is something I cannot cope with then I shouldn't take the risk.

Rules: Arguably, there's a a social norm that it is polite to respond. Personally, I don't want a response out of politeness. Sure I'd prefer a not interested. However, if I am that emotionally invested before we have even communicated that I would be upset about it - that's a me thing.

I don't get loads of messages. Yet I don't always respond, promptly or at all. Sometimes that's because I have a lot going on. I am focused on something or someone else. And sometimes I am just not in the mood. I may apologise for the delay, as that is courteous in my eyes. I am not going to apologise for not dropping everything and everyone else in my life, just because someone has messaged me.

I'm sat on 5 unread. I was intending to reply. My bro just turned up with his new car going for a spin. So my head's with that now. I'll come back to the messages when my head is in the space to give them the attention they deserve. Some may find that rude, but that's how I work.

If someone takes the time to get to know me, we become friends then I won't drop them for something new and shiny either.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I don't think it's rude. Dictating how other people should spend their time on Fab - answering messages from people they're not interested in - now, that's rude.

Love this! As a woman on Fab i do what I like. If I feel like replying to a nice message saying no thanks, I do. If I don’t, I don’t! That’s the beauty of the site - we are all here and free to do what we want

I don’t understand the obsession with instilling ‘rules’ when joining a place like Fab is all about not following the normal rules!

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"When you get a flier through the door from the local Pizza shop, is it rude not to phone them up to tell them "Sorry, but I'm not looking for Pizza today"?

Or, is it enough for them to understand that their exquisite flier wasn't specifically requested and that "if" you were interested you "would" respond?

Cal"

This old argument… which I personally believe is not what is happening here, especially in the circumstances perfectly described by the OP.

A message on fab is not a random flyer through your door. If you’re on fab, your profile is visible, your filters open then you’ve walked into the food hall of sexual delight, wearing a t-shirt saying “I’m looking for pizza”. The messages you receive (in the specific example of the OP) is a pizza chef introducing their offerings for your consideration. Some may have pineapple, and you may not like or want pineapple on your pizza, but you are looking for pizza nonetheless. The pizza chef has presented their offerings to you in a polite and tailored way. Do you respond?

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"No. The fab guidelines are clear. This has been asked and answered many times from both men and women, the entitled and the overwhelmed, the rude and the abused.

You don’t answer spam emails or respond to junk Mail no matter how well thought out it is.

Just because someone’s written a message doesn’t mean you have to even read it let alone answer it.

And for the team who argue it’s morally correct or basic manners to answer, try having over 100 messages every day and see how you cope.

Saying ‘no thank you’ more often than not leads to ‘but why’ or ‘change your mind’ etc.

if you reply to people to say ‘no thank you’ they can then get round any filters you put up because you’re classed as having previously contacted them.

There are a hell of a lot of people on here who have an overinflated sense of entitlement and need to take a step back and think about what fab is. "

Beautifully put Fluffy! I totally agree with this!

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *and12Couple over a year ago

flint

My problem is I can’t help but be polite back

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *iscean_dreamMan over a year ago

Llanelli

No it's not rude, shame on you if you ignore me though

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

No... what's bloody rude is ignoring me. *stamps foot*

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"No it's not rude, shame on you if you ignore me though

Just beat me

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Hello OP, seeing as this question has been asked ten's of time already and has received a resounding "No" each time, I think it's fair to say that it has already been answered once and for all (many times).

This post does seem to highlight the problem though; there are a few people that can't accept "no" for an answer."

But what I *really* want to know : is squirting just wee?

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"When you get a flier through the door from the local Pizza shop, is it rude not to phone them up to tell them "Sorry, but I'm not looking for Pizza today"?

Or, is it enough for them to understand that their exquisite flier wasn't specifically requested and that "if" you were interested you "would" respond?

Cal

This old argument… which I personally believe is not what is happening here, especially in the circumstances perfectly described by the OP.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *heSchwingersCouple over a year ago

Essex

We block if it’s a never ever. Don’t reply if we both haven’t had a chance to check out the profile. If either of us is unsure we don’t bother replying

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *olarMan over a year ago

woking

I’m of the opinion that people will respond to others that interest them and it’s as simple as that. You may write a fantastic message with pics and be totally genuine but the simple fact is you’re not what they are after. Rejection is not something you have control over or anything the other person should feel guilty about or need to give you an explanation for. Good luck

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *aucasian GhandiMan over a year ago

from my dad's left nut (Warwick)

This post does seem to highlight the problem though; there are a few people that can't accept "no" for an answer.

But what I *really* want to know : is squirting just wee?

Who cares its fucking hot

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

This post does seem to highlight the problem though; there are a few people that can't accept "no" for an answer.

But what I *really* want to know : is squirting just wee?

Who cares its fucking hot "

Tell me about it. 30 degrees here, in the shade

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *odgerMooreMan over a year ago

Fulwood

This post does seem to highlight the problem though; there are a few people that can't accept "no" for an answer.

But what I *really* want to know : is squirting just wee?

Who cares its fucking hot "

This could indicate the presence of a UTI!!

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *aucasian GhandiMan over a year ago

from my dad's left nut (Warwick)

This post does seem to highlight the problem though; there are a few people that can't accept "no" for an answer.

But what I *really* want to know : is squirting just wee?

Who cares its fucking hot

This could indicate the presence of a UTI!!

If it burns then a UTI, if not its gush

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *aucasian GhandiMan over a year ago

from my dad's left nut (Warwick)

This post does seem to highlight the problem though; there are a few people that can't accept "no" for an answer.

But what I *really* want to know : is squirting just wee?

Who cares its fucking hot

Tell me about it. 30 degrees here, in the shade

It's 32 here on a roof, it's glorious

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *llie AssMan over a year ago

South Yorkshire

No, of course it isn't rude to not reply - knowing the messages I get, I can't imagine how many/what kind of messages women and couples get. I do try to reply at least once, but my inbox is a ghostland by comparison

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *aitonelMan over a year ago

Travelling

Yes

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *odgerMooreMan over a year ago

Fulwood

This post does seem to highlight the problem though; there are a few people that can't accept "no" for an answer.

But what I *really* want to know : is squirting just wee?

Who cares its fucking hot

Tell me about it. 30 degrees here, in the shade

It's 32 here on a roof, it's glorious "

Careful on that roof - I heard there’s a scottish woman with a hose heading your way!!!

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *vilgasamWoman over a year ago

The dot in the i

No one is entitled to a reply, it’s beyond simple

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *andyfloss2000Woman over a year ago

ashford

Do you owe a reply to every random man on the street who says "smile, love, might never happen"? "

Yes of course! Well I would anyway! X

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *Cocksucker84Man over a year ago

newcastle

"I really can’t believe nobody has asked this before

We get it ladies (and couples to a lesser degree) : your inboxes are full of shite copy and paste or one-liner messages and unsolicited cocks pics.

And NOBODY ever reads your profile, right?

Quite rightly, you discard these volumous messages with the disdain they deserve.

All this is going to take time and effort. This doesn’t happen without significant investment and genuine interest in you and your profile.

Is it rude if you just then delete their message and ignore them. Maybe even block them?

Do they deserve an acknowledgment of that effort even if it’s a polite thank you but no thanks? Is there a MORAL argument here?

Or are the Fab guidelines clear : no reply means not interested and you don’t want to open yourself up to abuse or further questions asking why?

Men : what do you think?

Don’t worry this isn’t a whinge. I haven’t been ignored - I honestly never message anyone new anyway. So don’t shoot the messenger

Everyone's perception of what a good or decent message is is different, I suppose. And I've found that if an initial message is more than 5 lines, it generally ends up being a fantasy scenario of what the messenger wants and does not highlight anything that might detail what the recipient has pointed out in their profile. It's disappointing if you see someone you like and don't get anything out of it but it's life. I don't get too hung up on being ignored or blocked unless I've clicked with someone and it then becomes obvious they've had post-wank remorse and they no longer want to engage.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *unchalMan over a year ago

Dartford

[Removed by poster at 06/09/23 12:05:23]

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *aucasian GhandiMan over a year ago

from my dad's left nut (Warwick)

This post does seem to highlight the problem though; there are a few people that can't accept "no" for an answer.

But what I *really* want to know : is squirting just wee?

Who cares its fucking hot

Tell me about it. 30 degrees here, in the shade

It's 32 here on a roof, it's glorious

Careful on that roof - I heard there’s a scottish woman with a hose heading your way!!!

She's more than welcome, it's after 12 so it's still a full day for me

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *rHotNottsMan over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

Isnt this covered in the site FAQ or something. It’s not rude , no one owes anyone a read or a reply. The end.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"If im not attracted to him, I won't reply

A decent first message is not an indication that he won't be abusive when turned down"
this

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *rHotNottsMan over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

"When you get a flier through the door from the local Pizza shop, is it rude not to phone them up to tell them "Sorry, but I'm not looking for Pizza today"?

Or, is it enough for them to understand that their exquisite flier wasn't specifically requested and that "if" you were interested you "would" respond?

Cal

This old argument… which I personally believe is not what is happening here, especially in the circumstances perfectly described by the OP.

Instead of making up your own little fantasy about what this website is , why not read the site guidelines instead.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *electableicecreamMan over a year ago

The West

When I joined fab I decided not to send opening messages and instead worked on my profile, joined the fun in the forum (Ireland) and got myself off to a few coffe meets and group socials.

Now I do send opening messages and it's rare I don't get a reply. I'm not contacting a lot of people because not everyone takes my fancy but those I feel like I could connect with generally do reply.

And I don't write carefully crafted essays. Usually just a polite hello and a line after is quite enough.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *aucasian GhandiMan over a year ago

from my dad's left nut (Warwick)

"When you get a flier through the door from the local Pizza shop, is it rude not to phone them up to tell them "Sorry, but I'm not looking for Pizza today"?

Or, is it enough for them to understand that their exquisite flier wasn't specifically requested and that "if" you were interested you "would" respond?

Cal

This old argument… which I personally believe is not what is happening here, especially in the circumstances perfectly described by the OP.

Question on thr back of that, pineapple on pizza yes or no?

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *enSiskoMan over a year ago

Cestus 3

Having read this type of thread many times I have taken note, I have never wrote anyone on this site and never will.

Men it seems are a majority who write messages never to be read or not read and deleted or just not read laying there in the inbox.

With a rule that states no reply is no thank you, there is nothing one can do.

Suck it up fuzzball like Han Solo says.

Or just stop writing messages and use the site for other things.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"...

Is it rude if you just then delete their message and ignore them. Maybe even block them?

Do they deserve an acknowledgment of that effort even if it’s a polite thank you but no thanks? Is there a MORAL argument here?

Or are the Fab guidelines clear : no reply means not interested and you don’t want to open yourself up to abuse or further questions asking why?

Men : what do you think?

Don’t worry this isn’t a whinge. I haven’t been ignored - I honestly never message anyone new anyway. So don’t shoot the messenger

Yes, I think it's rude to delete a nice, thought out message with no reply.

Yes, I think they deserve an acknowledgement.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"When you get a flier through the door from the local Pizza shop, is it rude not to phone them up to tell them "Sorry, but I'm not looking for Pizza today"?

Or, is it enough for them to understand that their exquisite flier wasn't specifically requested and that "if" you were interested you "would" respond?

Cal

This old argument… which I personally believe is not what is happening here, especially in the circumstances perfectly described by the OP.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *JB1954Man over a year ago

Reading

A thought. As others have quoted Fab rules about messages.

You read a profile fully. Think good match to yours. To send message that profile has put criteria. Heading title and say words in parts of message.

So you do a dedicated message and do as asked .

Then by accident find out. That profile never reads any messages. Profile looks at profiles and decides who to contact. Just basically see how many messages have in inbox as Ego trip ?

This defeats Fab rules ? Nothing can be done. ?

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Instead of making up your own little fantasy about what this website is , why not read the site guidelines instead. "

I have, unlike many. That wasn’t the point. The OP was describing a particular scenario and asked if it was rude not to reply… even with a “no thank you”.

In the specific scenario the OP described, I believe it is rude.

When I do send a message it’s carefully considered, tailored to the specific profile, and always courteous. Sometimes I get a reply, even if it’s a no thank you, and many have complimented me on my thoughtfulness and politeness.

I take a no reply as no interest right now. I take a deleted message as no further interest and just block to save bothering them again. It is rare that I send a message if the previous message was unanswered.

Because it’s “online” doesn’t mean courtesy and decency should be forgotten. Behind every message is a real person. You don’t know how much effort, how far out of their comfort zone they had to go to send that message. If you can be nothing else, be kind.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *rFoxAndXenoCouple over a year ago

Weymouth

"People do have their own lives and the whole world does not revolve around fab. Jobs, family, partners, illness, travel, prison, death even. Could be many reasons, hmm"

This. Some people seem to think I must sit around frigging myself all day

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I thunk its rude not yo reply when it's clear the sender is more than one line.

I personally always appreciate an email to say not their type etc. And I will always respond to messages received.

Appreciate my inbox isn't as fu as ladies but where effort is made let's return the effort

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *nrsdnCouple over a year ago

DONCASTER

If it's a copy and paste message, it's absolutely not rude. For custom messages, we decide after looking at the profile.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *aucasian GhandiMan over a year ago

from my dad's left nut (Warwick)

It's only rude if you have expectations that are based in entitlement....No ones owe you fuck all, whether it be FAF with a dick pic, generic copy n pasted, or a well thought out subjective message based on a profile!!! No one owes anyone fuck all....Expect for Top shagger he's owes me a score

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It's only rude if you have expectations that are based in entitlement....No ones owe you fuck all, whether it be FAF with a dick pic, generic copy n pasted, or a well thought out subjective message based on a profile!!! No one owes anyone fuck all....Expect for Top shagger he's owes me a score "

A very valid point t no one is owed anything. Totally agree. But as they say courtesy costs nothing and the no reply has an air of entitlement to it too.

Buy to my other point how many messages would that be for some.. saying no to them all woukd detract from the purpose of being here..

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *alandNitaCouple over a year ago

Scunthorpe

It's not about being kind.

The person you've messaged doesn't know you and, in your case, has no idea what you look like.

Why should anyone respond to a message, however nice, from a person they do not know and haven't previously engaged with?

You simply need to accept that a reply means the recipient isn't interested. As per site FAQs.

Nita

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *vilgasamWoman over a year ago

The dot in the i

I find it a lot more rude when someone joins a site without reading the rules or faqs then complain about others sticking to those rules which were set out explicitly for safety

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *addad99Man over a year ago

Rotherham /newquay

Yes

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *nkforthekinkMan over a year ago

london/fareham/brighton

More dis heartening then rude, but that’s the world of fab just carry on sending those messages and put more effort in if you get a reply. And don’t be put off if you don’t get one back!

If all else fails send a dick pic

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *rFoxAndXenoCouple over a year ago

Weymouth

"I find it a lot more rude when someone joins a site without reading the rules or faqs then complain about others sticking to those rules which were set out explicitly for safety

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It's not about being kind.

The person you've messaged doesn't know you and, in your case, has no idea what you look like.

Why should anyone respond to a message, however nice, from a person they do not know and haven't previously engaged with?

You simply need to accept that a reply means the recipient isn't interested. As per site FAQs.

Nita"

Firstly, to clarify, in most cases I would include a photo. Secondly, as I stated I take no response as a no thank you… I wasn’t complaining about that.

You’re walking down the street and someone walking in the opposite direction, who you don’t know and haven’t engaged with smiles and says “good morning”. Do you say anything in return? It’s not that different.

Anyway, this is a polarising thread. Some think it’s rude, others don’t.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *ittlebirdWoman over a year ago

The Big Smoke

It’s not rude….

It never will be. Ever

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *amantha_JadeWoman over a year ago

Newcastle

It's not about being kind.

The person you've messaged doesn't know you and, in your case, has no idea what you look like.

Why should anyone respond to a message, however nice, from a person they do not know and haven't previously engaged with?

You simply need to accept that a reply means the recipient isn't interested. As per site FAQs.

Nita"

Totally agree

I haven’t asked for their message or their efforts. They’re owed nothing from me and your idea of ‘courtesy’ costs me my time. Why should l spend my free time bashing out ‘no thanks’ messages to people I have zero interest in? That takes away from my experience on Fab in order to be ‘courteous’ to someone who I never asked to contact me in the first place? Also, in the name of ‘be kind’ where do we draw the line with this? Some people would say it’s unkind to reply and say ‘sorry not my type’. Some say it would be kinder just to ignore. Some say if we block it’s kinder so the message is crystal clear. We can’t win. As another poster has said above, some people unfortunately just will not take no for an answer and in my opinion should grow up.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I haven't read the whole thread so please dont shoot me but....

is anyone saying its rude... its not.. its just nice to know you aren't someones cup of tea as well as a positive response. some like to block those that aren't interested to filter and save time for themselves...

and of course we. have all committed to the rules of the site.. just wish they were enforced more

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *obilebottomMan over a year ago

All over

I used to find it a little strange people just ignore others but, as most said alrrady, it is up to them how they manage their inbox. That is perfectly ok and as many said some get so much random stuff so impossible to respond. Rrading a message and not replying is an answer in itself as is of course blocking. What I do find rather strange, despite various explanations people give, is when they 'pretend' that they have not read the message and leave it unread like that forever. Just delete or block or it looks like you like to play games and does not really look cool at all imo

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)