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Is marriage just a piece of paper?
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By *hagTonight OP Man
over a year ago
From the land of haribos. |
I did a thread about relationship and his came up so I thought that it would be interesting to do a separate thread about it to see what you think about it
It seems that for some it is and for some it isnt.
For me it symbolises ones love for eachother, it is also a legal document that comes with benefits as well.
What is your view and about it and what does it symbolise to you?  |
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By *929Man
over a year ago
newcastle |
I’ve personally never seen enough benefit to bother going through with it as always thought it was religious thing (same with christening and why I never got my kids christened) it would be nice if had children together for all to have the same name though.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think there’s some legal benefits. I don’t think it’s something that bothers me either way. But my fiancé has always wanted to get married and I’m not bothered either way so I’m excited to marry her. But generally I don’t think it makes your relationship any different to if you’re not married (legal things aside ofc) |
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It certainly makes a difference if you are not married and one of passes away.
Belive me you miss out on government grants to help with funeral costs and if they wish the deceased persons family can take alsorts away from you (and even if there is a will they can contest it)
Worth considering marriage if you are living together. |
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We are getting married soon, I can't wait to be Mrs #@#@#
I think the price of paper thing is rubbish marriage is what you make it, it's a commitment it doesn't work out for some it does others.
I feel I've found my person and I want it official & I also want the same name as my kids for me it's about commitment and family, plus I'm dying to do a sexy photoshoot in my wedding dress
Mrs |
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Won't comment on what marriage is or means but want to point out names don't change automatically with marriage, it's a merely a social convention.
For those dedicated enough to make the name change official there is a separate bureaucratic trail for it. Similar with children's names, parents and guardians can declare what they want the child's surname to be during birth registration.
Congrats to fabbers getting merrily hitched! |
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"It certainly makes a difference if you are not married and one of passes away.
Belive me you miss out on government grants to help with funeral costs and if they wish the deceased persons family can take alsorts away from you (and even if there is a will they can contest it)
Worth considering marriage if you are living together. "
Also, if you are married and one of you dies there is no Inheritance Tax for the spouse to pay |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes marriage is just a legal formality, I’ve done (and failed at it) twice and all that piece of paper meant was I was down a creek without a paddle 
Anyone and everyone can stay together as one without said piece of paper and if/when it goes tits up you’re not down a creek  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Anyone and everyone can stay together as one without said piece of paper and if/when it goes tits up you’re not down a creek
Unless one of you dies"
Agreed but that’s why the law has Wills and LPAs  |
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Marriage for us was and remains our public and personal comittement to one another. A life time confirmation of our total love to one and another in the eye of all. The type of love that never demands always gives and shares everything in accordance to each others desires. It has legal bearing due to your oaths and is rewarded whilst you remain in side its embrace.
Most of all it has provided us both with the shelter to be true to our selves and with one and other as well those around us and who we choose allow in our bubble. We LOVE IT. |
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"I did a thread about relationship and his came up so I thought that it would be interesting to do a separate thread about it to see what you think about it
It seems that for some it is and for some it isnt.
For me it symbolises ones love for eachother, it is also a legal document that comes with benefits as well.
What is your view and about it and what does it symbolise to you? "
If its valuable to you, its valuable to you. Dont need people who dont get it trying to devalue other peoples choices. Live and let live. |
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"It certainly makes a difference if you are not married and one of passes away.
Belive me you miss out on government grants to help with funeral costs and if they wish the deceased persons family can take alsorts away from you (and even if there is a will they can contest it)
Worth considering marriage if you are living together.
Also, if you are married and one of you dies there is no Inheritance Tax for the spouse to pay"
Agreed. When Mr N's father died there were so many things his partner couldn't do. |
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"
Anyone and everyone can stay together as one without said piece of paper and if/when it goes tits up you’re not down a creek
Unless one of you dies
Agreed but that’s why the law has Wills and LPAs "
LPAs and Wills don't make you exempt from Inheritance Tax |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Anyone and everyone can stay together as one without said piece of paper and if/when it goes tits up you’re not down a creek
Unless one of you dies
Agreed but that’s why the law has Wills and LPAs
LPAs and Wills don't make you exempt from Inheritance Tax"
Well I didn’t know that until now, and a previous comment, but it kinda solidifies my beliefs, and it’s only my opinion, that marriage is purely financial and love is secondary
But to all those who’ve been married for decades I take my hat off  and all those contemplating tying the knot I wish all the best
But for me FCUK marriage   |
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Marriage is not a loving relationship. Marriage is nothing more than a legal act ( ceremonious or not ) that recognises the joining of two people in they eyes of the law and obligates each of them to each other in certain ways including financial and parental obligations.
Love is something separate from marriage and can be present in any relationship no matter how fleeting or lasting.
The quality of a relationship and the qualities possessed by and shared by those that enter into that relationship is what makes it what it is ..... not marriage.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Marriage is not a loving relationship. Marriage is nothing more than a legal act ( ceremonious or not ) that recognises the joining of two people in they eyes of the law and obligates each of them to each other in certain ways including financial and parental obligations.
Love is something separate from marriage and can be present in any relationship no matter how fleeting or lasting.
The quality of a relationship and the qualities possessed by and shared by those that enter into that relationship is what makes it what it is ..... not marriage.
"
You put it better than me |
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I don't think of marriage as 'just a piece of paper'. It's quite dismissive to refer to it in those terms in my opinion. That said I think too many people focus on the wedding and not the marriage |
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"I’ve personally never seen enough benefit to bother going through with it as always thought it was religious thing (same with christening and why I never got my kids christened) it would be nice if had children together for all to have the same name though.
"
Christening is religious, absolutely.
Marriage pre-dates religion though - originally being setup for trading of lands, cattle, securing alliances etc. Religion, as with many things, decided to adopt it and make it their own.
D x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Marriage means little to me, but it protects women if they choose to give up work and look after their kids. Far too many people think co-habiting affords them any legal benefits. It does not. |
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"
Anyone and everyone can stay together as one without said piece of paper and if/when it goes tits up you’re not down a creek
Unless one of you dies
Agreed but that’s why the law has Wills and LPAs
LPAs and Wills don't make you exempt from Inheritance Tax
Well I didn’t know that until now, and a previous comment, but it kinda solidifies my beliefs, and it’s only my opinion, that marriage is purely financial and love is secondary
But to all those who’ve been married for decades I take my hat off and all those contemplating tying the knot I wish all the best
But for me FCUK marriage "
Until quite recently marriage was financially based or for power consolidation reasons in the west. Marriage for love is not new but it hasn't always been the main consideration |
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"Marriage for us was and remains our public and personal comittement to one another. A life time confirmation of our total love to one and another in the eye of all. The type of love that never demands always gives and shares everything in accordance to each others desires. It has legal bearing due to your oaths and is rewarded whilst you remain in side its embrace.
Most of all it has provided us both with the shelter to be true to our selves and with one and other as well those around us and who we choose allow in our bubble. We LOVE IT."
THIS! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I solemnly swear.. I shall be honest
I take thee fab swingers to honour and obey from this day forward.
I been back here more times than I can remember it feels like I married the mob. |
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"Marriage means little to me, but it protects women if they choose to give up work and look after their kids. Far too many people think co-habiting affords them any legal benefits. It does not."
Had I not married my children’s father, I could have been made to sell our home when we split. The piece of paper gave me security when I most needed it.
I said I wouldn’t marry again but then I met T & he showed me what love really was. I couldn’t wait to marry him & hope we grow very old & happy together
J x |
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"Marriage for us was and remains our public and personal comittement to one another. A life time confirmation of our total love to one and another in the eye of all. The type of love that never demands always gives and shares everything in accordance to each others desires. It has legal bearing due to your oaths and is rewarded whilst you remain in side its embrace.
Most of all it has provided us both with the shelter to be true to our selves and with one and other as well those around us and who we choose allow in our bubble. We LOVE IT."
This is the attitude to have. 
Sometimes things don't work out and you can never predict that. If you could nobody would ever get married.
But if you don't believe at the time that you get married that it'll be for life then what's the point? You may as well save the expense and just live together as it's easier to unravel life should feelings change.
Says the guy never looking to marry again.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Marriage means little to me, but it protects women if they choose to give up work and look after their kids. Far too many people think co-habiting affords them any legal benefits. It does not.
Had I not married my children’s father, I could have been made to sell our home when we split. The piece of paper gave me security when I most needed it.
I said I wouldn’t marry again but then I met T & he showed me what love really was. I couldn’t wait to marry him & hope we grow very old & happy together
J x"
I lost out because I wasn't married. I'm glad you found love again |
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Granny above me sums up what I think of marriage. Marriage isn't love, the majority of us know a couple who are still together for reasons except love. Kids, financial reasons or fear of abuse for example.
And love is not a wedding day either, £50k someone I know spent on a wedding this summer
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What a thought-provoking question! Marriage, like many aspects of our lives, can mean different things to different people.
To some, it might feel like "just a piece of paper," emphasizing the legal or bureaucratic aspect of the institution. However, to many others, marriage is far more than that. It's a commitment, a bond, and a promise to stand by one another through life's ups and downs. It's about love, companionship, support, and sharing a life together.
In essence, the value and meaning we attach to marriage are often personal and subjective. It's shaped by our experiences, beliefs, cultural background, and personal values. So no, for many, marriage is not just a piece of paper; it's a significant life event and a deeply personal commitment.
Regardless, it's important for each person to determine what marriage means to them, as it's such a personal decision. What are your thoughts on this? I'd love to hear more about your perspective!
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"I did a thread about relationship and his came up so I thought that it would be interesting to do a separate thread about it to see what you think about it
It seems that for some it is and for some it isnt.
For me it symbolises ones love for eachother, it is also a legal document that comes with benefits as well.
What is your view and about it and what does it symbolise to you? "
My father married and divorced three times, so yes i see it as a piece of paper.
what benefits does marriage bring?
there are many ways to show mutual love, why pay a fortune to get married? |
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"I got married because I loved him and wanted to be married before we had children. Never once thought of any financial reasons. "
I don't think many people do consider financial reasons nowadays, we certainly didn't. My mum and dad chose their wedding date for tax reasons. It meant they got £20 tax back. That lasted 67 years until mum died. I'd like to say they were all blissfully happy but they weren't however they did have a deep bond.
We've been together 42 years or it might be 43 and married for coming up 36. I'd marry Mr N again but I'd never marry anybody else |
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"I got married because I loved him and wanted to be married before we had children. Never once thought of any financial reasons.
I don't think many people do consider financial reasons nowadays, we certainly didn't. My mum and dad chose their wedding date for tax reasons. It meant they got £20 tax back. That lasted 67 years until mum died. I'd like to say they were all blissfully happy but they weren't however they did have a deep bond.
We've been together 42 years or it might be 43 and married for coming up 36. I'd marry Mr N again but I'd never marry anybody else"
Oh no me neither. I can 100% say I’d never get married again. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I got married because I loved him and wanted to be married before we had children. Never once thought of any financial reasons.
I don't think many people do consider financial reasons nowadays, we certainly didn't. My mum and dad chose their wedding date for tax reasons. It meant they got £20 tax back. That lasted 67 years until mum died. I'd like to say they were all blissfully happy but they weren't however they did have a deep bond.
We've been together 42 years or it might be 43 and married for coming up 36. I'd marry Mr N again but I'd never marry anybody else"
so much joy to you both.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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No. Best case, it's a piece of paper that shows your commitment to each other. Worst case, it's insurance in case the worst happens to one of you (think inheritance etc.) |
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By *essaMayWoman
over a year ago
Fairytale Wood |
Mariage was a contract, people married for position and wealth. Married for religious reasons, also for the benefit of any children. For mere mortals was the married tax allowance. Some of us at the time believed in sanctity of marriage, was a commitment |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Was married.. Got divorced
Bitter marriage
Sweet I am now finally free.
Ever thought I would get back no once a cheater always one. Ever heard of having wedding cake and eating it.
Bruised through it
Battled through it
Single life best way to be. I am not marrying for money, tax relief death benefits or to be ever controlled again.
Will you join me in holy spirit and wish all the single people joy for evermore. |
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"I did a thread about relationship and his came up so I thought that it would be interesting to do a separate thread about it to see what you think about it
It seems that for some it is and for some it isnt.
For me it symbolises ones love for eachother, it is also a legal document that comes with benefits as well.
What is your view and about it and what does it symbolise to you? "
As someone who did get married for Love but it didn’t last sadly. I am not rushing to get down the married route again. However I do live with someone (7 years) and eventually we get a civil partnership, like when I am 60. I will do it for tax and other reasons but not for Love.
Mortgage and shared finances for me will always be more a tie than marriage. |
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"Yes marriage is just a legal formality, I’ve done (and failed at it) twice and all that piece of paper meant was I was down a creek without a paddle
Anyone and everyone can stay together as one without said piece of paper and if/when it goes tits up you’re not down a creek "
I think if this was the case in a more even way far less women would be eager to marry. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yes marriage is just a legal formality, I’ve done (and failed at it) twice and all that piece of paper meant was I was down a creek without a paddle
Anyone and everyone can stay together as one without said piece of paper and if/when it goes tits up you’re not down a creek
I think if this was the case in a more even way far less women would be eager to marry."
Are you implying women are gold diggers 
Far more women are eager to divorce statistically too (shrug) |
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"Was married.. Got divorced
Bitter marriage
Sweet I am now finally free.
Ever thought I would get back no once a cheater always one. Ever heard of having wedding cake and eating it.
Bruised through it
Battled through it
Single life best way to be. I am not marrying for money, tax relief death benefits or to be ever controlled again.
Will you join me in holy spirit and wish all the single people joy for evermore. "
No but i'll wish you and everyone else happiness with whatever choices you/they make |
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I think people confuse marriage with relationship or the values and morals demonstrated by each individual.
Someone said above they married for love and were totally committed, loyal , devoted etc ...... ( i've paraphrased )
The above did NOT come from being married. It comes from the people involved.
If they discovered their marriage was performed by a bogus priest or similar would they change the way they behaved toward each other ? end their love for each other ? Or is the 'love' contained in the certificate ?
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By *hagTonight OP Man
over a year ago
From the land of haribos. |
"I’ve personally never seen enough benefit to bother going through with it as always thought it was religious thing (same with christening and why I never got my kids christened) it would be nice if had children together for all to have the same name though.
"
That is good and yes. I also thought it was a religious thing, some of the benefits are marital tax deduction, social security benefits, inheritance benefits too |
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By *hagTonight OP Man
over a year ago
From the land of haribos. |
"It certainly makes a difference if you are not married and one of passes away.
Belive me you miss out on government grants to help with funeral costs and if they wish the deceased persons family can take alsorts away from you (and even if there is a will they can contest it)
Worth considering marriage if you are living together. "
Yes, you are right there, it does make a big difference and yes it makes it an easier process as well if one passes away as you say there. |
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"
Anyone and everyone can stay together as one without said piece of paper and if/when it goes tits up you’re not down a creek
Unless one of you dies
Agreed but that’s why the law has Wills and LPAs "
They are not watertight though. Often they are contested and unless every little detail is in the will family can still walk away with almost everything.
I saw a friend end up homeless, the house belonged to her partner (all paid off before she moved in) and his will stated it went to her but family contested and took the house and most of the contents. |
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By *hagTonight OP Man
over a year ago
From the land of haribos. |
"I think there’s some legal benefits. I don’t think it’s something that bothers me either way. But my fiancé has always wanted to get married and I’m not bothered either way so I’m excited to marry her. But generally I don’t think it makes your relationship any different to if you’re not married (legal things aside ofc)"
That is good you will get married soon and yes, there are some legal benefits as well |
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By *hagTonight OP Man
over a year ago
From the land of haribos. |
"We are getting married soon, I can't wait to be Mrs #@#@#
I think the price of paper thing is rubbish marriage is what you make it, it's a commitment it doesn't work out for some it does others.
I feel I've found my person and I want it official & I also want the same name as my kids for me it's about commitment and family, plus I'm dying to do a sexy photoshoot in my wedding dress
Mrs "
That is good that you are are going to get married soon and yes. I also agree there that it is what you make of it too |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's a money making commercial nonsense scheme. People like the idea that this legal holy agreement will keep them together but infact it makes no difference to how their relationship turns out. |
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"Marriage for us was and remains our public and personal comittement to one another. A life time confirmation of our total love to one and another in the eye of all. The type of love that never demands always gives and shares everything in accordance to each others desires. It has legal bearing due to your oaths and is rewarded whilst you remain in side its embrace.
Most of all it has provided us both with the shelter to be true to our selves and with one and other as well those around us and who we choose allow in our bubble. We LOVE IT."
Love this |
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"It's a money making commercial nonsense scheme. People like the idea that this legal holy agreement will keep them together but infact it makes no difference to how their relationship turns out. "
You know this how? |
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When I got married I wanted the family unit, it seemed right to have the same surname as my partner and sons, it made me feel secure
My son has recently got married and he and his Wife both wanted the security of knowing the other will be OK of anything happened to either one.
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By *host63Man
over a year ago
Bedfont Feltham |
"I did a thread about relationship and his came up so I thought that it would be interesting to do a separate thread about it to see what you think about it
It seems that for some it is and for some it isnt.
For me it symbolises ones love for eachother, it is also a legal document that comes with benefits as well.
What is your view and about it and what does it symbolise to you? "
I have seen too many men after divorce losing their Home their kids and everything through the courts and paying some cheating cow alimony to ever want to sign my life away thank you very much. |
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"It's a money making commercial nonsense scheme. People like the idea that this legal holy agreement will keep them together but infact it makes no difference to how their relationship turns out. "
Maybe not but there are legalities surrounding what a 'common law partner' would be entitled too if something happened, you don't have the same automatic rights as a married couple |
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I've never wanted to get married ,so yes it's a piece of paper to me,jack has been married before.
We still live together and are committed though.
It's old fashioned to me ,but obviously it matters to a lot of people ,who like the security and the big day
Each to their own.
Miss |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I guess really it doesn't, this is my second marriage and hopefully my last!
I've only ever been in two relationships and married them both, so can't really comment about just being with someone long term, getting married just seems like the natural step to things
Danish x |
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The 'marriage' part for me is a nesting desire. Building a life together, one in which you become home for each other.
It's a level of commitment that no piece of paper can replace.
As one of my fav comedians says: 'this is beautiful, I love you so much... what we need to do is get the government involved that will make this so hot!'
Now that being said there are some clear pragmatic benefits and protections etc. I just personally find it bizarre to tie the celebration of your relationship with signing a contract.
Personally, that isn't going to make any difference to how I feel about my partner or my relationship. On the few occasions I've had that nesting quality with a partner - it has just felt natural to be together. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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To some people marriage means nothing .
Some people get married multiple times.
To us marriage is everything and for life.
Some people just can't be arsed with the work of keeping the marriage healthy. |
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"It's a money making commercial nonsense scheme. People like the idea that this legal holy agreement will keep them together but infact it makes no difference to how their relationship turns out.
Maybe not but there are legalities surrounding what a 'common law partner' would be entitled too if something happened, you don't have the same automatic rights as a married couple"
This is so true. I couldn't register my partners death even though I'd been with him when he passed. Because we were only living together (for 15 years) the registrar rang his daughter who hadn't even contacted her father for 10 years to ask for her permission to let me register his death. I had the same issue at the funeral directors when it came to arranging the funeral.
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"It's a money making commercial nonsense scheme. People like the idea that this legal holy agreement will keep them together but infact it makes no difference to how their relationship turns out.
Maybe not but there are legalities surrounding what a 'common law partner' would be entitled too if something happened, you don't have the same automatic rights as a married couple
This is so true. I couldn't register my partners death even though I'd been with him when he passed. Because we were only living together (for 15 years) the registrar rang his daughter who hadn't even contacted her father for 10 years to ask for her permission to let me register his death. I had the same issue at the funeral directors when it came to arranging the funeral.
"
The same happened to my father in law's partner. Mr N had to deal with these things for her. She said she should have married him when he asked |
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"It's a money making commercial nonsense scheme. People like the idea that this legal holy agreement will keep them together but infact it makes no difference to how their relationship turns out. "
£127 per couple isn't an excessive amount |
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"
Anyone and everyone can stay together as one without said piece of paper and if/when it goes tits up you’re not down a creek
Unless one of you dies
Agreed but that’s why the law has Wills and LPAs "
And you have to actively do legal stuff to enact a Will or an LPA. Marriage automatically grants the spouse certain rights/protections. |
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By *hagTonight OP Man
over a year ago
From the land of haribos. |
"The marriage certificate is just a piece of paper. It's what it symbolises that matters and that's different for every couple"
Yes, you are right there that it is different everyone couple too |
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It's very ignorant for a person to see marriage as a piece of paper may as well say birth certificates are a piece of paper too never heard that
I guess a passport is a silly book with pages in it again never hear people say things like that.
I have always seen myself getting married and considering what I been through in life with guys I should think opposite but I would never no matter life throws at me.
I'm not a material person or will ever want to be with a person for financial benefits.
Love and life are what the money can't buy always will be that way  |
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For me (us) marriage is more than just a piece of paper with legal benefits.
It's a formal commitment and declaration to the person you love. The legal side is an element of that, as it brings protection in the event of the worst case scenario of your partners death. If you're not married your partner might not benefit from your pension or automatically inherent anything.
Nita |
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"It's very ignorant for a person to see marriage as a piece of paper may as well say birth certificates are a piece of paper too never heard that
I guess a passport is a silly book with pages in it again never hear people say things like that.
I have always seen myself getting married and considering what I been through in life with guys I should think opposite but I would never no matter life throws at me.
I'm not a material person or will ever want to be with a person for financial benefits.
Love and life are what the money can't buy always will be that way "
Re: birth certificates, some people have some very odd ideas about those too....... |
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"It's a money making commercial nonsense scheme. People like the idea that this legal holy agreement will keep them together but infact it makes no difference to how their relationship turns out.
Maybe not but there are legalities surrounding what a 'common law partner' would be entitled too if something happened, you don't have the same automatic rights as a married couple
This is so true. I couldn't register my partners death even though I'd been with him when he passed. Because we were only living together (for 15 years) the registrar rang his daughter who hadn't even contacted her father for 10 years to ask for her permission to let me register his death. I had the same issue at the funeral directors when it came to arranging the funeral.
"
 x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My marriage taught me that it can be nothing more than a formality.
I am a romantic though and I'd be lying if one day I don't hope to find my person and we live happily ever after.
Much as I want a dress I'm not sure I'll actually ever get it sadly. |
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By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago
Paisley |
When I was married in 1992 I thought it was forever. After 13 years of marriage and together for 20 years in total, I realised that for him it obviously didn’t mean anything. He moved on to a new partner and it was as if I’d never existed.
I vowed I’d never get married again but I may now have an exception to that - as unromantic as it may seem, the only reason I’d get married again would be for my spouse to get my pension. In a loving relationship I wouldn’t need a piece of paper to prove it. |
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"What is your view and about it and what does it symbolise to you? "
While both I and my wife are poly the fact that we are married means a lot.
It is a commitment we've made to each other.
It is more than the paper and the tax breaks.
While I can see it struggling in a modern society dominated by a point of view informed by the ethics of the Semitic religions, I am a fan of Pagan Handfastings. As partners get to pick from several different lengths of time.
|
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"It's very ignorant for a person to see marriage as a piece of paper may as well say birth certificates are a piece of paper too never heard that
I guess a passport is a silly book with pages in it again never hear people say things like that.
I have always seen myself getting married and considering what I been through in life with guys I should think opposite but I would never no matter life throws at me.
I'm not a material person or will ever want to be with a person for financial benefits.
Love and life are what the money can't buy always will be that way
Re: birth certificates, some people have some very odd ideas about those too......."
That's messed up |
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By *hagTonight OP Man
over a year ago
From the land of haribos. |
"In fairness it is only a piece of paper...but...it gives some legal rights amd stuff.so it helps a bit in certain situations if that makes any sense."
Yes, you are right there that it gives some legal rights too |
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By *hagTonight OP Man
over a year ago
From the land of haribos. |
"Only benefit I see is protection when one passes! I've told one of my brothers he shd marry his oh who he has been with best part of 30 years so she's secure x"
Yes, one of the benefits is that too with the protection x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It may be me being bitter but I think marriage is a waste of time I was married for 11 years and my so called wife left me a year ago for another man I am now getting divorced |
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"My marriage taught me that it can be nothing more than a formality.
I am a romantic though and I'd be lying if one day I don't hope to find my person and we live happily ever after.
Much as I want a dress I'm not sure I'll actually ever get it sadly. "
That's so sweet - I love that 'my person'.
Dresses I've got two in the loft, can't give them away. |
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By *oxesMan
over a year ago
Southend, Essex |
"I’ve personally never seen enough benefit to bother going through with it as always thought it was religious thing (same with christening and why I never got my kids christened) it would be nice if had children together for all to have the same name though.
Marriage for love was a rare thing depending on culture and class up until very recently. People use to get married for property or they them selves were property.
Christening is religious, absolutely.
Marriage pre-dates religion though - originally being setup for trading of lands, cattle, securing alliances etc. Religion, as with many things, decided to adopt it and make it their own.
D x"
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By *oxesMan
over a year ago
Southend, Essex |
"I’ve personally never seen enough benefit to bother going through with it as always thought it was religious thing (same with christening and why I never got my kids christened) it would be nice if had children together for all to have the same name though.
Christening is religious, absolutely.
Marriage pre-dates religion though - originally being setup for trading of lands, cattle, securing alliances etc. Religion, as with many things, decided to adopt it and make it their own.
D x"
Marriage for love was a rare thing depending on culture and class up until very recently. People use to get married for property or they them selves were property. |
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"I’ve personally never seen enough benefit to bother going through with it as always thought it was religious thing (same with christening and why I never got my kids christened) it would be nice if had children together for all to have the same name though.
Christening is religious, absolutely.
"
Marriage doesn't have to have anything to do with religion.
Civil ceremony. No need to swear to God. No white dress. No one to "give you away". A legal commitment only. |
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"I have a question that I have always wondered what do swingers make with the vow "... And to forsake all overs".
Do people ask to not have the vow?"
We forsook all overs and headed in for lunch instead.
Silly mid off |
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With 50% of marriages failing, 70% of divorces being initiated by women, I would say Marriage is more of a commodity now then its ever been.
You have civil partnership too which is a falf step to marriage and further diminishing concept.
It's not a nessessity or is marriage that important this day and age |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Anyone and everyone can stay together as one without said piece of paper and if/when it goes tits up you’re not down a creek
Unless one of you dies"
Or your canoe sinks |
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By *oxesMan
over a year ago
Southend, Essex |
"
Anyone and everyone can stay together as one without said piece of paper and if/when it goes tits up you’re not down a creek
Unless one of you dies
Or your canoe sinks "
Are you supposed to have life insurance and a hidden room in a house on Spain? |
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"With 50% of marriages failing, 70% of divorces being initiated by women"
First, that statistic is misleading. The failed marriages does not highlight repeat custom. It's a sad fact that many people get divorced more than once.
I also wouldn't describe marriage as ever having been a necessity and I think it's misleading to think of it in those terms. |
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"
Anyone and everyone can stay together as one without said piece of paper and if/when it goes tits up you’re not down a creek
Unless one of you dies
Or your canoe sinks "
Or one of you is left with nothing after 20 years |
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"
Anyone and everyone can stay together as one without said piece of paper and if/when it goes tits up you’re not down a creek
Unless one of you dies
Agreed but that’s why the law has Wills and LPAs
LPAs and Wills don't make you exempt from Inheritance Tax"
And if married you also inherit there tax allowance when you go so if you have property the tax free allowance £1,000,000 |
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"I got married because I loved him and wanted to be married before we had children. Never once thought of any financial reasons.
I don't think many people do consider financial reasons nowadays, we certainly didn't. My mum and dad chose their wedding date for tax reasons. It meant they got £20 tax back. That lasted 67 years until mum died. I'd like to say they were all blissfully happy but they weren't however they did have a deep bond.
We've been together 42 years or it might be 43 and married for coming up 36. I'd marry Mr N again but I'd never marry anybody else
Oh no me neither. I can 100% say I’d never get married again. "
You say never get married but to me having children together is a bigger commitment. You can get devorsed but once you have children together like your ex or not you will have to deal with them. |
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By *ancer36Woman
over a year ago
Stirling |
I think marriage is still seen by some as a societal ‘right thing’ to do when with someone for a certain length of time/ you have children etc - I personally don’t believe in marriage, I do believe in love, commitment, solidarity but I don’t think a piece of paper is necessary to solidify those things. I also find the expense some are willing to fork out to ‘express there love for one and other’ rather false/keeping up with the Jones’s so to speak or to plaster the pics over social media.
Marriage lost its value and true meaning for me a long time ago and I can safely say I’d never do it.
X |
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"I got married because I loved him and wanted to be married before we had children. Never once thought of any financial reasons.
I don't think many people do consider financial reasons nowadays, we certainly didn't. My mum and dad chose their wedding date for tax reasons. It meant they got £20 tax back. That lasted 67 years until mum died. I'd like to say they were all blissfully happy but they weren't however they did have a deep bond.
We've been together 42 years or it might be 43 and married for coming up 36. I'd marry Mr N again but I'd never marry anybody else
Oh no me neither. I can 100% say I’d never get married again.
You say never get married but to me having children together is a bigger commitment. You can get devorsed but once you have children together like your ex or not you will have to deal with them."
I said I’d never get married again. And I won’t be having any more children that’s for sure! Luckily I don’t have to “deal” with him. I love him to bits and vice versa, he’s my bestest friend in the world. |
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"With 50% of marriages failing, 70% of divorces being initiated by women
First, that statistic is misleading. The failed marriages does not highlight repeat custom. It's a sad fact that many people get divorced more than once.
I also wouldn't describe marriage as ever having been a necessity and I think it's misleading to think of it in those terms."
Not really misleading, your only pointing out that people who have previously divorced are more likely to duvorce again if they are remarried.
Marrage was extremely important in the past for a number of reasons. Fact of the matter is that marriage is not what it was before. |
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By *hagTonight OP Man
over a year ago
From the land of haribos. |
"With 50% of marriages failing, 70% of divorces being initiated by women, I would say Marriage is more of a commodity now then its ever been.
You have civil partnership too which is a falf step to marriage and further diminishing concept.
It's not a nessessity or is marriage that important this day and age"
Yes. I saw a married couple who have been married for 78 years and they still are that. I dont think that we see so many of those nowadays, maybe it is because we live in different times and how the culture was about it. |
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"With 50% of marriages failing, 70% of divorces being initiated by women, I would say Marriage is more of a commodity now then its ever been.
You have civil partnership too which is a falf step to marriage and further diminishing concept.
It's not a nessessity or is marriage that important this day and ageYes. I saw a married couple who have been married for 78 years and they still are that. I dont think that we see so many of those nowadays, maybe it is because we live in different times and how the culture was about it."
That's quite an achievement, not many people live long enough to be married that long. My parents were married for 67 years when mum died. They married when she was 20. |
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By *oxesMan
over a year ago
Southend, Essex |
"With 50% of marriages failing, 70% of divorces being initiated by women, I would say Marriage is more of a commodity now then its ever been.
You have civil partnership too which is a falf step to marriage and further diminishing concept.
It's not a nessessity or is marriage that important this day and ageYes. I saw a married couple who have been married for 78 years and they still are that. I dont think that we see so many of those nowadays, maybe it is because we live in different times and how the culture was about it.
That's quite an achievement, not many people live long enough to be married that long. My parents were married for 67 years when mum died. They married when she was 20. "
It is an achievement to be married that long and also many people were willing to work on their marriage more. None the less there were many people in marriages married from a young where they really should not have been. |
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"With 50% of marriages failing, 70% of divorces being initiated by women, I would say Marriage is more of a commodity now then its ever been.
You have civil partnership too which is a falf step to marriage and further diminishing concept.
It's not a nessessity or is marriage that important this day and ageYes. I saw a married couple who have been married for 78 years and they still are that. I dont think that we see so many of those nowadays, maybe it is because we live in different times and how the culture was about it.
That's quite an achievement, not many people live long enough to be married that long. My parents were married for 67 years when mum died. They married when she was 20.
It is an achievement to be married that long and also many people were willing to work on their marriage more. None the less there were many people in marriages married from a young where they really should not have been. "
I agree. I'm an advocate for good marriage. I don't think anybody should stay in an unhappy relationship but *all* relationships will have unhappy periods for one or both partners. |
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"With 50% of marriages failing, 70% of divorces being initiated by women, I would say Marriage is more of a commodity now then its ever been.
You have civil partnership too which is a falf step to marriage and further diminishing concept.
It's not a nessessity or is marriage that important this day and ageYes. I saw a married couple who have been married for 78 years and they still are that. I dont think that we see so many of those nowadays, maybe it is because we live in different times and how the culture was about it."
That is amazing! Longest ive heard, I too have heard lovely stories from the elderly folk I used to care for.
No doubt the times we are in now have greatly affected our perception. We are in an age of instant gratification with all our modern attention tools such as phones and dating apps. The phrase our parents/grandparents used to be patient for long awaited lovers "absence makes the heart grow fonder" doesn't hold water today when you can just swipe right to the next profile you find attractive. People have more dating options, the government (somewhat) financially supports single parents and we have professionals/ groups for emotional support. The media does not support the nuclear family anymore but it does ptomote single successful career focussed entrepreneurs, ie, Playboys/Bad B Divas who have no plans of settling down or behaving as such.
It's no wander why marrage is on the decline and not taken that seriously. If Henry the Eighth shuck the foundation of marrage by introducing divorce, then our recent changes left a crater.
I just want to say that I do 100% believe in marriage and the 'vows', I just don't think marrage is suitable for everyone. Perhaps even myself
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By *bw44DDWoman
over a year ago
Nottingham |
"I did a thread about relationship and his came up so I thought that it would be interesting to do a separate thread about it to see what you think about it
It seems that for some it is and for some it isnt.
For me it symbolises ones love for eachother, it is also a legal document that comes with benefits as well.
What is your view and about it and what does it symbolise to you? "
At the time it seemed like the most important thing in the world. Looking back, it was just a massive waste of money that could’ve been spent on something much more worthwhile. But if I wasn’t divorced maybe I’d still think it was the most important thing in the world. It’s all very individual |
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By *hagTonight OP Man
over a year ago
From the land of haribos. |
"With 50% of marriages failing, 70% of divorces being initiated by women, I would say Marriage is more of a commodity now then its ever been.
You have civil partnership too which is a falf step to marriage and further diminishing concept.
It's not a nessessity or is marriage that important this day and ageYes. I saw a married couple who have been married for 78 years and they still are that. I dont think that we see so many of those nowadays, maybe it is because we live in different times and how the culture was about it.
That's quite an achievement, not many people live long enough to be married that long. My parents were married for 67 years when mum died. They married when she was 20. "
Yes, it is quite an achievement as well and you are right there that many dont live that long, 67 years is also a long time your parents were married for and an achievement too |
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"With 50% of marriages failing, 70% of divorces being initiated by women, I would say Marriage is more of a commodity now then its ever been.
You have civil partnership too which is a falf step to marriage and further diminishing concept.
It's not a nessessity or is marriage that important this day and ageYes. I saw a married couple who have been married for 78 years and they still are that. I dont think that we see so many of those nowadays, maybe it is because we live in different times and how the culture was about it.
That's quite an achievement, not many people live long enough to be married that long. My parents were married for 67 years when mum died. They married when she was 20. Yes, it is quite an achievement as well and you are right there that many dont live that long, 67 years is also a long time your parents were married for and an achievement too "
As Mum once famously said sometimes it was by the skin of their teeth |
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