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For the parents
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Do you mean when I'm having a difficult day personally or because the kids are being difficult?
Em x"
It could be either I suppose? I meant when the kids are difficult but also it’s valid when we’re struggling and cba to do anything |
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I remove myself from the situation and take a break for 5 minutes, then look again with fresh eyes. Remembering that small people get stressed and I am probably triggering them by arguing with them, helps me to Stop. Breathe. Carry on
Good luck Pickles x |
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"Do you mean when I'm having a difficult day personally or because the kids are being difficult?
Em x
It could be either I suppose? I meant when the kids are difficult but also it’s valid when we’re struggling and cba to do anything"
I usually take little breaks,even if it's only a minute. Deep breaths and back in again.
Young kids especially find it hard to regulate their emotions and get frustrated easily,I try to remember that instead of adding fuel to the fire .
It's a bad day not a bad life,90% of the time they just need cuddles or a distraction.
Remember, we're blessed to have them and their needs come before ours
Em x |
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Do you care for little ones yourself OP?
For me toddler years were a special type of hell to be honest. Things improved after my kids got diagnosed, I was offered a lot of specific advice on how to parent and that helped. Our area is full of young families and I daily witness little vignettes of child shenanigans, I find it so amusing - even the tantrums are sweet - so I've obviously forgotten the full strength of things. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We have a 5 year old who is extremely active, being in our late forties it is difficult to keep up but our little person is our world and on difficult days we just take a few minutes and cope, every parent has their own way of doing things. |
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"How do you cope on the difficult days?
Do you have supportive friends and family? Do you have friends with kids that get it?
"
Can be hard, expecially during periods of massive change.
For them, as much as you.
Sometimes others don't make things easy. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I get the nerf guns out, insist on a no head shots rule and channel the frustration that way, there's quite something about a nerf war where you get to point and shoot at the little critters that I find quite therapeutic.
Oh and btw I have the best nerf gun.
In all fairness I rarely get stressed with mine as the dad is very active and I get good down time. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I get the nerf guns out, insist on a no head shots rule and channel the frustration that way, there's quite something about a nerf war where you get to point and shoot at the little critters that I find quite therapeutic.
Oh and btw I have the best nerf gun.
In all fairness I rarely get stressed with mine as the dad is very active and I get good down time."
Hahaha we used to do this and with super soakers in the garden! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I get the nerf guns out, insist on a no head shots rule and channel the frustration that way, there's quite something about a nerf war where you get to point and shoot at the little critters that I find quite therapeutic.
Oh and btw I have the best nerf gun.
In all fairness I rarely get stressed with mine as the dad is very active and I get good down time.
Hahaha we used to do this and with super soakers in the garden!"
Super soakers are good but messy and not winter friendly.
I quite like sending them to pick up all the bullets after. It buys me extra time.  |
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By *enk15Man
over a year ago
Evesham |
Having friends with kids who understand is a big help. Just being able to talk to someone and them validating your feelings is invaluable.
My kids are still young, so when they are being particularly difficult I try to remember what someone once told me - "They are not giving you a hard time, they are having a hard time".
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I put my two up for adoption - but not sure anyone wanted two kids in their twenties. However, changing the locks seems to have worked a treat."
Mine keep making jokes at each other about coming from adoption centres. One asked me the other day if we could drop the other one off at an adoption centre and leave them there.
I promptly told them I'd been banned from doing that as I'd dropped off too many kids so far.
Their face was brilliant!! |
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I think that what matters with kids is the same as life in general - any individual day is irrelevant, it is the cumulative impact over life that makes the difference.
I try not to have bad days with them but it happens. The kids understand that that one day was bad - as long as I make sure it is just that one day that is bad and don’t make the next one bad as well.
Being an adult is about dealing with all of life - the good stuff as well as the not so good. Get back onto the saddle and go again the next day. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I put my two up for adoption - but not sure anyone wanted two kids in their twenties. However, changing the locks seems to have worked a treat.
Mine keep making jokes at each other about coming from adoption centres. One asked me the other day if we could drop the other one off at an adoption centre and leave them there.
I promptly told them I'd been banned from doing that as I'd dropped off too many kids so far.
Their face was brilliant!! "
Marvellous.
I used to tell mine they were adopted, honestly they were so gullible (especially as my daughter is the spitting image of me - poor child [adult]) |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Do you care for little ones yourself OP?
"
I’ve worked with young people my entire (short) professional career but also I’ma dad yes to a lovely, destructive nearly 3 year old. And I love her to bits but ofc I wish I understood her more  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I put my two up for adoption - but not sure anyone wanted two kids in their twenties. However, changing the locks seems to have worked a treat.
Mine keep making jokes at each other about coming from adoption centres. One asked me the other day if we could drop the other one off at an adoption centre and leave them there.
I promptly told them I'd been banned from doing that as I'd dropped off too many kids so far.
Their face was brilliant!! "
 |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
I used to sit on my stairs and count to 50.
Couldn’t count to more than 50 else the little sod’s would get hold of the Sudocrem and paint everything with it, and I went through that once and that was enough!
Having an ear to talk off helps. And when you get some time to yourself make that time for you and not for doing household chores etc. the hoovering can wait, but your peace of mind can’t.
Just remember, it will pass. And never go to sleep on an argument. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ohh how I wish mine qwre still little! Yes challenging times! No doubt ! But they grow so so fast! I'm looking after one of my great grandsons tomoz that will b fun! He is 9 months x"
Great grandsons - blumin heck. I am relieved that my two have not sprogged yet. If they decide to reproduce I am going to leave the country. Alternatively, I might just choose to be one of those irritating grandparents that gets them noisey toys for presents, or feeds them lots of sugar before returning them to their parents.  |
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It’s hard but not worth talking about. Nobody gets it. Unless you’re living with something constantly you can’t get it. At all. People are forever asking me how I do it, how I cope. I just do. No choice. |
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I don't cope, I take 5 have a breather or a cry or whatever just silence if needs be then get back to it.
The Mr is amazing and helps so much but in terms of support none, family don't live close, have considered moving but we are in such a nice area as much as the support would be good the kids have a safe/good area here I wouldn't want to move them.
Mrs |
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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago
Derry |
"Teenage years were the most difficult for us. I coped by talking to a friend who had experienced it a couple of years before and by just enduring. "
This was my experience too, teenage years were traumatic for both sides of the equation. It's a rollercoaster with machine guns, booby traps and snipers. |
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By *edeWoman
over a year ago
the abyss |
Parenting is hard and I never felt I did/am doing it right!! You get used to one phase and then everything changes. I had my son very young and was a single mum so it meant that I didn't really have any close friends that understood.
I was very lucky to have the support of my parents who always backed me and my parenting decisions. They never forced advice on me or made me feel like less of a parent  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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God, I dunno how I cope to be honest.
I currently live with family so it's nice to come upstairs for 15 or 20 each day and know she's safe. But I do wish I had a lot more support and family who went out of their way to spend time and do things with her. I'm very lucky my partner gets up with her at the weekends, and he helps out whenever he can. But the summer holidays were tough. I got maybe four or five days where I had a good break from her (which I know some parents don't even get) but every other day it was up to me and it was so demanding.
All you can do is just kind of get on with things and keep busy and calm in the stressful moments! It's so exhausting though. I've never known a tired like being a parent. I struggle so much with my mental health and parenting definitely doesn't help that in some ways. But they really aren't little for very long and every difficult moment is worth it all.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think the secret for me was just lowering my standards on the days when it got difficult. And with four small kids, that was often. Nothing needs to be perfect with or for kids. Just good enough.
Having friends with kids of the same age - gold dust. We went to weekly activities together and days out. It makes an enormous difference because you're more relaxed and then the kids are too. |
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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
Keep them occupied.
That's your job; even if you can't be bothered.
My eldest was the first grandchild on both sides and grew up around a lot of adults.
She always had plenty to keep her occupied and rarely watched television. No screens back then, so it was crayons, jigsaws, books and bricks.
She was a calm child, which helped.
My second child was more lively but had her sister and elder cousins to keep her occupied.
We would go to the park, or visit my parents who had a big garden and a swing.
Life was tiring but I'd do it all again in a heartbeat.
Take a book into the bathroom and run a bubble bath for a child, and sit on the toilet or a chair and read while they play. I've done that many times.
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"I don’t. I bottle everything up and hope for the best. I know it’s got a detrimental impact on my mental health so I’m trying my best for the kids to not notice I’m on edge.
I’m a single parent with no family and very few friends who either don’t have kids or have grown up adults.
I’ve recently noticed my mind goes completely blank and my body goes into freeze/fawn state to deal with the stress. But maybe it’s just menopause, I don’t know.
I sympathise with all parents going through difficult times, especially with those who also deal with their kids’, often hidden, disabilities."
Hugs x |
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None of our friends have ever had kids at the right sort of age to empathise. We've just muddled through by ourselves. My Grandad used to act as a sounding board for me with my son, especially when he was younger but of course, my Grandad is no longer around.
I cope with the difficult times by telling myself to grow up and kick myself up the metaphorical arse. I do have one trusted colleague to confide in. |
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I've been telling myself it will get easier as they get older for about 18 years.
Difficult days. There's been a fair few of those
Something my wife said once has stuck in my head recently though. 'One day they won't need me to make sandwiches for them anymore.' She was absolutely devastated, I couldn't help but laugh at the time. I get the sentiment now though.
My daughter made me a sandwich last night, she's still got a fair way to go yet. |
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"I've been telling myself it will get easier as they get older for about 18 years.
Difficult days. There's been a fair few of those
Something my wife said once has stuck in my head recently though. 'One day they won't need me to make sandwiches for them anymore.' She was absolutely devastated, I couldn't help but laugh at the time. I get the sentiment now though.
My daughter made me a sandwich last night, she's still got a fair way to go yet."
The challenges just change..... E.g. "Muuuuuuuum, can you pick me up from X at stupid o'clock because the trains stop at 23:30?" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Relied on supportive friends, and other parents. Sometimes people that I did not know very well. There were days in which we felt that we were alone in dealing with various child issues but the more we spoke to people, others had the same challenges. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Parenting is incredibly difficult, THE most hardest job in the world of infact, and the amount of pressure we put on ourselves because we want to get it right is immense.
On challenging days it takes bucket loads of patience, which isn't easy.
Just taking a few moments away, play some happy music, find a distraction, some deep breaths of fresh air. It's not easy though and sometimes I have a good cry, it's a release mechanism. |
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By *ayHaychMan
over a year ago
Leeds (Home) / Sheffield (Work) |
People who aren’t parents or haven’t cared for children long term won’t get it. Some parents love the baby years, some hate them. Some love the teenage years, some hate them. Which ever way a parent looks they’ll be faced with advice, passive criticism, people who think they know better. |
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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
"People who aren’t parents or haven’t cared for children long term won’t get it. Some parents love the baby years, some hate them. Some love the teenage years, some hate them. Which ever way a parent looks they’ll be faced with advice, passive criticism, people who think they know better. "
I loved all the years with my children, grandchildren and now great-grandchildren.
I prioritise people over housework.
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"How do you cope on the difficult days?
Do you have supportive friends and family? Do you have friends with kids that get it?
"
I cried my eyes out after dropping mine off to school yesterday after having given them a pep talk in the car about attitude issues while we were trying to resolve some teething problems in school. That, and a supportive listening ear worked wonders.
My children know how much we do for them and that we go out of our way to support them in any way we can - that we listen, that we hear, that we understand and that we work around obstacles for the best possible outcomes because we love them.
One of mine is neurodiverse with a number of additional needs. I'm generally surrounded by people with additional needs children who understand the struggles.
I have a very supportive ex, supportive friends but my general experience is that parents with healthy neurotypical children haven't got a clue and that is by no means meant to belittle the struggles of any parent with healthy children because I am fully aware that everybody has their struggles, regardless of health status.
But in the heat of the moment, removing myself from an escalating situation (unless that would impose a danger) and taking a breather is how I cope in the immediate difficult time...and then it's about communication. I've gotten quite good at it
Mrs |
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Having some other parents that you can have a good moan with is vital. I have also found understanding more about child development really helpful. So many of our parenting struggles come from unrealistic expectations - why won't my baby sleep at night, why won't my toddler stop touching stuff, why do preteens get so stroppy - I found learning about the developmental reasons was really helpful. It doesn't mean it's not still a struggle, though! Sarah Ockwell-Smith is my go-to person.
Mrs TMN x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Put your big boy pants on my friend. You want to be a good role model right
FGS, Dan 
Look up and not down. Look out and not in. Look forward and not back, and lend a hand."
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"I've been telling myself it will get easier as they get older for about 18 years.
Difficult days. There's been a fair few of those
Something my wife said once has stuck in my head recently though. 'One day they won't need me to make sandwiches for them anymore.' She was absolutely devastated, I couldn't help but laugh at the time. I get the sentiment now though.
My daughter made me a sandwich last night, she's still got a fair way to go yet.
The challenges just change..... E.g. "Muuuuuuuum, can you pick me up from X at stupid o'clock because the trains stop at 23:30?""
Happened yesterday. Have you got everything you need? Dad I am not a kid. Bet you call me in the middle of the night asking for my help...
2am 'I left the left the key to Nan's at home, can you come and get me?' 40 miles away. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How do you cope on the difficult days?
Do you have supportive friends and family? Do you have friends with kids that get it?
Posts like this is why I am glad I don't have kids"
 why did you come onto a thread about parenting to say this? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Being a parent is a lifetime occupation. It never gets easier, it only gets harder in different ways. It is also a thankless task and your children owe you nothing for the effort and investment you put into them. It isn't for everyone, like my ex wife.
Hopefully, you will one day become a grandparent and then you can get payback by undermining your children's efforts to parent and condescendingly tell them what they are doing wrong, because you tried that with them and look how that ended up. Yay! |
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"I've been telling myself it will get easier as they get older for about 18 years.
Difficult days. There's been a fair few of those
Something my wife said once has stuck in my head recently though. 'One day they won't need me to make sandwiches for them anymore.' She was absolutely devastated, I couldn't help but laugh at the time. I get the sentiment now though.
My daughter made me a sandwich last night, she's still got a fair way to go yet.
The challenges just change..... E.g. "Muuuuuuuum, can you pick me up from X at stupid o'clock because the trains stop at 23:30?"
Happened yesterday. Have you got everything you need? Dad I am not a kid. Bet you call me in the middle of the night asking for my help...
2am 'I left the left the key to Nan's at home, can you come and get me?' 40 miles away."
I await similar tonight, with interest! He's got the instructions about how to get into the relative's house once he finishes work late and on a strike day. I ain't turning out at 01:00! |
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"People who aren’t parents or haven’t cared for children long term won’t get it. Some parents love the baby years, some hate them. Some love the teenage years, some hate them. Which ever way a parent looks they’ll be faced with advice, passive criticism, people who think they know better. "
We might not "get it" but I'll always support my parent friends even if I'm a clueless airhead |
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Honestly. This thread sounds in places like having children is a 'job' or 'chore'. I count my blessings every day. Its an absolute privilege and i feel so lucky. Yes its not all plain sailing but i wouldn't change it for the world |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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12.5 years in doing it completely on my own. Absolutely blessed to have an amazing daughter but some days are tougher than others and that's what I've learnt to accept. Always put myself under so much pressure because I never wanted "oh its because she doesn't have a dad around" I'm more relaxed these days but adolescence is a whole new ball game |
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"Honestly. This thread sounds in places like having children is a 'job' or 'chore'. I count my blessings every day. It’s an absolute privilege and i feel so lucky. Yes its not all plain sailing but i wouldn't change it for the world"
I think what I see it’s just parents who’ve had one of those difficult days and came here to went a little and found others in similar situation.
It really helps to gain some perspective.
It doesn’t mean they feel any less privileged or lucky and I’m sure they count their blessings every single day, I know I do. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Honestly. This thread sounds in places like having children is a 'job' or 'chore'. I count my blessings every day. Its an absolute privilege and i feel so lucky. Yes its not all plain sailing but i wouldn't change it for the world"
Some days having kids is a chore or a job. Some days it all goes wrong and you want to cry. Some people have kids with additional needs, which makes life even harder. Sharing the woes helps a little. |
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"Honestly. This thread sounds in places like having children is a 'job' or 'chore'. I count my blessings every day. Its an absolute privilege and i feel so lucky. Yes its not all plain sailing but i wouldn't change it for the world
Some days having kids is a chore or a job. Some days it all goes wrong and you want to cry. Some people have kids with additional needs, which makes life even harder. Sharing the woes helps a little. "
Is that just to vent or for some practical ideas that might help?
Cos they aint getting it from the negative nellies who want to wallow  |
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It's bloody hard! And there seem to be more pressure than ever on families nowadays, everyone strives to be the perfect parent but what does that mean exactly? And what do you sacrifice while you strive to achieve it?
Parenting is a small tiny snapshot of time and as I said to one of my Mums recently look at your child and look how amazing she is, she doesn't need to see you being perfect....she needs a safe space, a haven, security and love
I am supporting so many of my parents who are struggling right now for various reasons. Cost of living crisis has people worried, reduncies, parents working multiple jobs just to keep a head above water.
It does not last for ever, just keep building those foundations to move forward.....As I said to the Mum, kids don't come with a manual, I am just happy I that I raised my own kids without killing them and that they were raised to be kind, thoughtful and have empathy for others
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Honestly. This thread sounds in places like having children is a 'job' or 'chore'. I count my blessings every day. Its an absolute privilege and i feel so lucky. Yes its not all plain sailing but i wouldn't change it for the world"
Oh stop. It's people like you that make parents feel like they have to enjoy every moment.
My daughter is my absolute world, but parenting isn't easy. You don't know the reasons why some might find it exhausting, or why some feel like they could explode with frustration.
You don't need to sit there on your throne trying to make others feel like bad parents because they do not enjoy every moment. |
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"Honestly. This thread sounds in places like having children is a 'job' or 'chore'. I count my blessings every day. Its an absolute privilege and i feel so lucky. Yes its not all plain sailing but i wouldn't change it for the world
Oh stop. It's people like you that make parents feel like they have to enjoy every moment.
My daughter is my absolute world, but parenting isn't easy. You don't know the reasons why some might find it exhausting, or why some feel like they could explode with frustration.
You don't need to sit there on your throne trying to make others feel like bad parents because they do not enjoy every moment."
That old 'rose tinted glasses' we can forget the tribulations of Motherhood over time and view it with fondness, like the 'good old days'
Not me, my eldest was a twat, cried all night every night for six months from birth, if he wasnt crying he was projectile vomming, impressively, fuck! if the velocity could be measured I'm sure we'd of ended up winning some weird vom competition. I loved him and love him with my heart, he is my world but by God...
You just get through the day as best you can, prioritise and know it's not going to last forever
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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Travelling |
"Honestly. This thread sounds in places like having children is a 'job' or 'chore'. I count my blessings every day. Its an absolute privilege and i feel so lucky. Yes its not all plain sailing but i wouldn't change it for the world
Oh stop. It's people like you that make parents feel like they have to enjoy every moment.
My daughter is my absolute world, but parenting isn't easy. You don't know the reasons why some might find it exhausting, or why some feel like they could explode with frustration.
You don't need to sit there on your throne trying to make others feel like bad parents because they do not enjoy every moment."
My mum complained, bitched, moaned, vented frustrations about how difficult we could be. She had bad days and rough days. She struggled.
Guess what, I'd not have changed my mother for anyone. I'd not have changed my childhood with my mum for anything with exception of hindsight to make things easier for her.
But at no point do I feel she was or is a bad parent or person for her not finding every second of having kids enjoyable.
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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Travelling |
"If you’re not going to be supportive of parents that have tough days when parenting then you can always shut up? That’s my advice"
People shouldn't have to be supportive, but intentional criticism and a smug superiority should be rallied against. |
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"Honestly. This thread sounds in places like having children is a 'job' or 'chore'. I count my blessings every day. Its an absolute privilege and i feel so lucky. Yes its not all plain sailing but i wouldn't change it for the world
Oh stop. It's people like you that make parents feel like they have to enjoy every moment.
My daughter is my absolute world, but parenting isn't easy. You don't know the reasons why some might find it exhausting, or why some feel like they could explode with frustration.
You don't need to sit there on your throne trying to make others feel like bad parents because they do not enjoy every moment."
Please don't put words in my mouth. Where am i making people feel like bad parents? I said its not all plain sailing. Nor did i say you are supposed to enjoy every minute. 'People like you'?!...yea ok |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Honestly. This thread sounds in places like having children is a 'job' or 'chore'. I count my blessings every day. Its an absolute privilege and i feel so lucky. Yes its not all plain sailing but i wouldn't change it for the world
Oh stop. It's people like you that make parents feel like they have to enjoy every moment.
My daughter is my absolute world, but parenting isn't easy. You don't know the reasons why some might find it exhausting, or why some feel like they could explode with frustration.
You don't need to sit there on your throne trying to make others feel like bad parents because they do not enjoy every moment.
Please don't put words in my mouth. Where am i making people feel like bad parents? I said its not all plain sailing. Nor did i say you are supposed to enjoy every minute. 'People like you'?!...yea ok"
It came across as pretty judgemental to be fair |
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"Honestly. This thread sounds in places like having children is a 'job' or 'chore'. I count my blessings every day. Its an absolute privilege and i feel so lucky. Yes its not all plain sailing but i wouldn't change it for the world
Oh stop. It's people like you that make parents feel like they have to enjoy every moment.
My daughter is my absolute world, but parenting isn't easy. You don't know the reasons why some might find it exhausting, or why some feel like they could explode with frustration.
You don't need to sit there on your throne trying to make others feel like bad parents because they do not enjoy every moment.
Please don't put words in my mouth. Where am i making people feel like bad parents? I said its not all plain sailing. Nor did i say you are supposed to enjoy every minute. 'People like you'?!...yea ok
It came across as pretty judgemental to be fair"
To be fair, i'm not judging anyone. I'm a single parent and have bad days too. But its still a joy, not a job or a chore. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Honestly. This thread sounds in places like having children is a 'job' or 'chore'. I count my blessings every day. Its an absolute privilege and i feel so lucky. Yes its not all plain sailing but i wouldn't change it for the world
Oh stop. It's people like you that make parents feel like they have to enjoy every moment.
My daughter is my absolute world, but parenting isn't easy. You don't know the reasons why some might find it exhausting, or why some feel like they could explode with frustration.
You don't need to sit there on your throne trying to make others feel like bad parents because they do not enjoy every moment.
Please don't put words in my mouth. Where am i making people feel like bad parents? I said its not all plain sailing. Nor did i say you are supposed to enjoy every minute. 'People like you'?!...yea ok
It came across as pretty judgemental to be fair
To be fair, i'm not judging anyone. I'm a single parent and have bad days too. But its still a joy, not a job or a chore."
Good to hear. I'm a single parent. I have kids with additional needs. Some days it's just not a joy for me, it's just making it through the day so I can cry in my bedroom. |
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"Honestly. This thread sounds in places like having children is a 'job' or 'chore'. I count my blessings every day. Its an absolute privilege and i feel so lucky. Yes its not all plain sailing but i wouldn't change it for the world
Oh stop. It's people like you that make parents feel like they have to enjoy every moment.
My daughter is my absolute world, but parenting isn't easy. You don't know the reasons why some might find it exhausting, or why some feel like they could explode with frustration.
You don't need to sit there on your throne trying to make others feel like bad parents because they do not enjoy every moment.
Please don't put words in my mouth. Where am i making people feel like bad parents? I said its not all plain sailing. Nor did i say you are supposed to enjoy every minute. 'People like you'?!...yea ok
It came across as pretty judgemental to be fair
To be fair, i'm not judging anyone. I'm a single parent and have bad days too. But its still a joy, not a job or a chore.
Good to hear. I'm a single parent. I have kids with additional needs. Some days it's just not a joy for me, it's just making it through the day so I can cry in my bedroom. "
I am really sorry to hear that. I agree its very different if you have children with additional needs. I hope you have a support network to help you? |
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I'm sad this thread got derailed as parenting is BOTH the best and the hardest job in the world. We should be supporting one another not point scoring. I think parenting had become harder with all the SM posts showing only the easier sides. My sister has a 6 year old and feels a huge pressure to be the perfect parent and her child to be the perfect child. But parenting is messy and exhausting and you get through by surviving each day as best you can. And by loving. I strongly believe that children will be ok if they know they are loved. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Honestly. This thread sounds in places like having children is a 'job' or 'chore'. I count my blessings every day. Its an absolute privilege and i feel so lucky. Yes its not all plain sailing but i wouldn't change it for the world
Oh stop. It's people like you that make parents feel like they have to enjoy every moment.
My daughter is my absolute world, but parenting isn't easy. You don't know the reasons why some might find it exhausting, or why some feel like they could explode with frustration.
You don't need to sit there on your throne trying to make others feel like bad parents because they do not enjoy every moment.
Please don't put words in my mouth. Where am i making people feel like bad parents? I said its not all plain sailing. Nor did i say you are supposed to enjoy every minute. 'People like you'?!...yea ok"
No, but it is people like you.
You're on a thread about how difficult parenting can be. And the first thing you can comment is that people are making kids sound like chores and jobs and how we should be grateful yada yada. And then you're stating obvious things like it's a privilege like those of us who are complaining aren't already aware of that fact.
I speak to so many parents who feel so ashamed they find it so hard. And it's because other people are always telling them what a privilege and honour it is and try to downplay their struggles. But we are allowed to complain, we are allowed to be angry and upset that sometimes it feels like such a challenge. As long as our children are safe, happy and loved you shouldn't try to downplay the struggles parents face. |
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"Honestly. This thread sounds in places like having children is a 'job' or 'chore'. I count my blessings every day. Its an absolute privilege and i feel so lucky. Yes its not all plain sailing but i wouldn't change it for the world
Oh stop. It's people like you that make parents feel like they have to enjoy every moment.
My daughter is my absolute world, but parenting isn't easy. You don't know the reasons why some might find it exhausting, or why some feel like they could explode with frustration.
You don't need to sit there on your throne trying to make others feel like bad parents because they do not enjoy every moment.
Please don't put words in my mouth. Where am i making people feel like bad parents? I said its not all plain sailing. Nor did i say you are supposed to enjoy every minute. 'People like you'?!...yea ok
No, but it is people like you.
You're on a thread about how difficult parenting can be. And the first thing you can comment is that people are making kids sound like chores and jobs and how we should be grateful yada yada. And then you're stating obvious things like it's a privilege like those of us who are complaining aren't already aware of that fact.
I speak to so many parents who feel so ashamed they find it so hard. And it's because other people are always telling them what a privilege and honour it is and try to downplay their struggles. But we are allowed to complain, we are allowed to be angry and upset that sometimes it feels like such a challenge. As long as our children are safe, happy and loved you shouldn't try to downplay the struggles parents face. "
Someone else mentioned 'job' and 'chores' further up in the thread and i was just highlighting that.Someone else also mentioned it was a 'privilege'. I am just reiterating that. In no way am i downplaying how hard being a parent can be. And no, its not people like me. I do feel very lucky every day because i have friends who cannot have children. So yes i count my lucky stars every day. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If you’re not going to be supportive of parents that have tough days when parenting then you can always shut up? That’s my advice
People shouldn't have to be supportive, but intentional criticism and a smug superiority should be rallied against. "
I started this thread hoping people would be supportive but. Ofc they don’t have to be. There’s people in the thread who haven’t been. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If you’re not going to be supportive of parents that have tough days when parenting then you can always shut up? That’s my advice
People shouldn't have to be supportive, but intentional criticism and a smug superiority should be rallied against.
I started this thread hoping people would be supportive but. Ofc they don’t have to be. There’s people in the thread who haven’t been. "
supportive of one another not me btw |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Honestly. This thread sounds in places like having children is a 'job' or 'chore'. I count my blessings every day. Its an absolute privilege and i feel so lucky. Yes its not all plain sailing but i wouldn't change it for the world
Oh stop. It's people like you that make parents feel like they have to enjoy every moment.
My daughter is my absolute world, but parenting isn't easy. You don't know the reasons why some might find it exhausting, or why some feel like they could explode with frustration.
You don't need to sit there on your throne trying to make others feel like bad parents because they do not enjoy every moment.
Please don't put words in my mouth. Where am i making people feel like bad parents? I said its not all plain sailing. Nor did i say you are supposed to enjoy every minute. 'People like you'?!...yea ok
It came across as pretty judgemental to be fair
To be fair, i'm not judging anyone. I'm a single parent and have bad days too. But its still a joy, not a job or a chore.
Good to hear. I'm a single parent. I have kids with additional needs. Some days it's just not a joy for me, it's just making it through the day so I can cry in my bedroom.
I am really sorry to hear that. I agree its very different if you have children with additional needs. I hope you have a support network to help you?"
Thank you. I have support, although not from their father. I think younger children who can't communicate well are hugely challenging for parents too. And physically exhausting. As the OP is finding I think. Teens bring different challenges again! We all love our kids, and we want to do the best for them. I wonder if writing of woes is partly frustration that we feel we're not doing enough. |
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"Honestly. This thread sounds in places like having children is a 'job' or 'chore'. I count my blessings every day. Its an absolute privilege and i feel so lucky. Yes its not all plain sailing but i wouldn't change it for the world
Oh stop. It's people like you that make parents feel like they have to enjoy every moment.
My daughter is my absolute world, but parenting isn't easy. You don't know the reasons why some might find it exhausting, or why some feel like they could explode with frustration.
You don't need to sit there on your throne trying to make others feel like bad parents because they do not enjoy every moment.
Please don't put words in my mouth. Where am i making people feel like bad parents? I said its not all plain sailing. Nor did i say you are supposed to enjoy every minute. 'People like you'?!...yea ok
It came across as pretty judgemental to be fair
To be fair, i'm not judging anyone. I'm a single parent and have bad days too. But its still a joy, not a job or a chore.
Good to hear. I'm a single parent. I have kids with additional needs. Some days it's just not a joy for me, it's just making it through the day so I can cry in my bedroom.
I am really sorry to hear that. I agree its very different if you have children with additional needs. I hope you have a support network to help you?
Thank you. I have support, although not from their father. I think younger children who can't communicate well are hugely challenging for parents too. And physically exhausting. As the OP is finding I think. Teens bring different challenges again! We all love our kids, and we want to do the best for them. I wonder if writing of woes is partly frustration that we feel we're not doing enough. "
I am glad you have some support and hopefully get a little respite. Yea each milestone age definitely brings different challenges!! I think its natural to feel we are not doing enough but i agree i think the most important thing is they are loved and cared for. |
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"Honestly. This thread sounds in places like having children is a 'job' or 'chore'. I count my blessings every day. Its an absolute privilege and i feel so lucky. Yes its not all plain sailing but i wouldn't change it for the world
Oh stop. It's people like you that make parents feel like they have to enjoy every moment.
My daughter is my absolute world, but parenting isn't easy. You don't know the reasons why some might find it exhausting, or why some feel like they could explode with frustration.
You don't need to sit there on your throne trying to make others feel like bad parents because they do not enjoy every moment.
Please don't put words in my mouth. Where am i making people feel like bad parents? I said its not all plain sailing. Nor did i say you are supposed to enjoy every minute. 'People like you'?!...yea ok
It came across as pretty judgemental to be fair
To be fair, i'm not judging anyone. I'm a single parent and have bad days too. But its still a joy, not a job or a chore.
Good to hear. I'm a single parent. I have kids with additional needs. Some days it's just not a joy for me, it's just making it through the day so I can cry in my bedroom.
I am really sorry to hear that. I agree its very different if you have children with additional needs. I hope you have a support network to help you?
Thank you. I have support, although not from their father. I think younger children who can't communicate well are hugely challenging for parents too. And physically exhausting. As the OP is finding I think. Teens bring different challenges again! We all love our kids, and we want to do the best for them. I wonder if writing of woes is partly frustration that we feel we're not doing enough. "
I think it's simply human to have emotions and sometimes they aren't always sparkly happy ones. And that's ok to express them. In fact I think that's a healthy thing to do. Sometimes we just need to know we aren't the only ones who feel that way.
I am positive they edited out the scenes where Mary Poppins had a meltdown.
It's ok to be an imperfect parent or human for that matter. There's enough pressure, without putting more on ourselves or each other. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Honestly. This thread sounds in places like having children is a 'job' or 'chore'. I count my blessings every day. Its an absolute privilege and i feel so lucky. Yes its not all plain sailing but i wouldn't change it for the world
Oh stop. It's people like you that make parents feel like they have to enjoy every moment.
My daughter is my absolute world, but parenting isn't easy. You don't know the reasons why some might find it exhausting, or why some feel like they could explode with frustration.
You don't need to sit there on your throne trying to make others feel like bad parents because they do not enjoy every moment.
Please don't put words in my mouth. Where am i making people feel like bad parents? I said its not all plain sailing. Nor did i say you are supposed to enjoy every minute. 'People like you'?!...yea ok
No, but it is people like you.
You're on a thread about how difficult parenting can be. And the first thing you can comment is that people are making kids sound like chores and jobs and how we should be grateful yada yada. And then you're stating obvious things like it's a privilege like those of us who are complaining aren't already aware of that fact.
I speak to so many parents who feel so ashamed they find it so hard. And it's because other people are always telling them what a privilege and honour it is and try to downplay their struggles. But we are allowed to complain, we are allowed to be angry and upset that sometimes it feels like such a challenge. As long as our children are safe, happy and loved you shouldn't try to downplay the struggles parents face. "
Well said |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Honestly. This thread sounds in places like having children is a 'job' or 'chore'. I count my blessings every day. Its an absolute privilege and i feel so lucky. Yes its not all plain sailing but i wouldn't change it for the world
Oh stop. It's people like you that make parents feel like they have to enjoy every moment.
My daughter is my absolute world, but parenting isn't easy. You don't know the reasons why some might find it exhausting, or why some feel like they could explode with frustration.
You don't need to sit there on your throne trying to make others feel like bad parents because they do not enjoy every moment.
Please don't put words in my mouth. Where am i making people feel like bad parents? I said its not all plain sailing. Nor did i say you are supposed to enjoy every minute. 'People like you'?!...yea ok
It came across as pretty judgemental to be fair
To be fair, i'm not judging anyone. I'm a single parent and have bad days too. But its still a joy, not a job or a chore.
Good to hear. I'm a single parent. I have kids with additional needs. Some days it's just not a joy for me, it's just making it through the day so I can cry in my bedroom.
I am really sorry to hear that. I agree its very different if you have children with additional needs. I hope you have a support network to help you?
Thank you. I have support, although not from their father. I think younger children who can't communicate well are hugely challenging for parents too. And physically exhausting. As the OP is finding I think. Teens bring different challenges again! We all love our kids, and we want to do the best for them. I wonder if writing of woes is partly frustration that we feel we're not doing enough.
I am glad you have some support and hopefully get a little respite. Yea each milestone age definitely brings different challenges!! I think its natural to feel we are not doing enough but i agree i think the most important thing is they are loved and cared for."
I didn't believe what people said about teens. But OMG.  I hope that they know. They are. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Honestly. This thread sounds in places like having children is a 'job' or 'chore'. I count my blessings every day. Its an absolute privilege and i feel so lucky. Yes its not all plain sailing but i wouldn't change it for the world
Oh stop. It's people like you that make parents feel like they have to enjoy every moment.
My daughter is my absolute world, but parenting isn't easy. You don't know the reasons why some might find it exhausting, or why some feel like they could explode with frustration.
You don't need to sit there on your throne trying to make others feel like bad parents because they do not enjoy every moment.
Please don't put words in my mouth. Where am i making people feel like bad parents? I said its not all plain sailing. Nor did i say you are supposed to enjoy every minute. 'People like you'?!...yea ok
It came across as pretty judgemental to be fair
To be fair, i'm not judging anyone. I'm a single parent and have bad days too. But its still a joy, not a job or a chore.
Good to hear. I'm a single parent. I have kids with additional needs. Some days it's just not a joy for me, it's just making it through the day so I can cry in my bedroom.
I am really sorry to hear that. I agree its very different if you have children with additional needs. I hope you have a support network to help you?
Thank you. I have support, although not from their father. I think younger children who can't communicate well are hugely challenging for parents too. And physically exhausting. As the OP is finding I think. Teens bring different challenges again! We all love our kids, and we want to do the best for them. I wonder if writing of woes is partly frustration that we feel we're not doing enough.
I think it's simply human to have emotions and sometimes they aren't always sparkly happy ones. And that's ok to express them. In fact I think that's a healthy thing to do. Sometimes we just need to know we aren't the only ones who feel that way.
I am positive they edited out the scenes where Mary Poppins had a meltdown.
It's ok to be an imperfect parent or human for that matter. There's enough pressure, without putting more on ourselves or each other."
Mary Poppins practically perfect in every way
I've aimed to be "good enough" for a fair while now and as their dad has little involvement, that will have to suffice. I don't think many of us feel that comfortable being imperfect parents, but what else can we do? |
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