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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Is it me or are old people stuborn.. Just been asked to do a job on tuesday for an 89 year old women and she is persistant to pay me.. Ive told her i dont want paying but she insists..
I took the £10 and before i left i put it on the table and went.. Came down yesterday and she gave it me back -.-
Any ideas how to get out of her giving me money as a never take money off old people for doing jobs for them..
Gonna hate it in March when she wants me to paint her living room lol.. |
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Some people just don't like feeling like a charity case I guess. Even though your doing it to be nice. She prob feels its a good way to thank you for your time.
Maybe you'll just have to accept it, use it to buy her some flowers or give it to charity then you've done something worthwhile with it xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Take the money, its disrespectful not to and buy her something she might like; some flowers maybe  "
Great idea  .. Im her adopted son lol.. Always doing stuff for her.. Tried to make me take £5 just for changing some lightbulbs lol.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Take the money, its disrespectful not to and buy her something she might like; some flowers maybe "
I was just about to say the same take the money it's disrespectful not to . But buy her some flowers x |
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
I understand you would like to give and not take. For her however. this puts you in a situation of inequality and also you are actually depriving her of the chance to thank you. Not taking any is a bit disrepectful (although you dont mean it) I d say take it and spend some of it on buying her some flowers. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I understand you would like to give and not take. For her however. this puts you in a situation of inequality and also you are actually depriving her of the chance to thank you. Not taking any is a bit disrepectful (although you dont mean it) I d say take it and spend some of it on buying her some flowers. "
My dad always taught me to give but not to recieve.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ohh dear.. Didnt think she would find it disrespectful... I shall take it and get her some lovely flowers... .. "
Pride, on both sides. Old people are full of it. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Ohh dear.. Didnt think she would find it disrespectful... I shall take it and get her some lovely flowers... ..
Pride, on both sides. Old people are full of it. "
Tell me about it.. I got a friend whos the same.. Shes in a wheel chair and every year at christmas i always get decs out the loft and put them up for her.. Always insists on giving me money.. I hate it lol... I always say ive come to help a friend and not to take your money lol.. Ive been slapped a few times for it lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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another good reason to take the money is she won't feel she is taking advantage of you if she wants to ask you to do something else for her in the future xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As mentioned by refusing payment you could make her feel awkward about asking for help in future,,,,
But perhaps you could save face on both sides by negotiating the price down to £5 by explaining £10 would be to much for what you did this time....  |
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If someone does a job for me and i know they wont take money (just small jobs) i will buy them something cause they cant give it back. Plus i wouldnt ask again if they didnt take it.
My mum doesnt take money for anything of me but i just accept it now and every so often i buy them a restaurant voucher for a meal.
Its funny though, my mum and i have exactley the same arguments about paying for thing that my mum and grandma used to have |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Is it me or are old people stuborn.. Just been asked to do a job on tuesday for an 89 year old women and she is persistant to pay me.. Ive told her i dont want paying but she insists..
I took the £10 and before i left i put it on the table and went.. Came down yesterday and she gave it me back -.-
Any ideas how to get out of her giving me money as a never take money off old people for doing jobs for them..
Gonna hate it in March when she wants me to paint her living room lol.. "
Even though like me you hate taking the money , just take it. Nothing you can do about it, they are old school and get offended if you dont |
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stubborn behaviour is not the sole preserve of the elderly .
It's very nice of you to do this but as others have said the best thing you can do for this lady is allow her her self respect, refusing teh money will appear patronising and I don't beleieve you want to do that |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My mum in law rang last night to thank us for the parcel we sent her. She was quite annoyed when the 'lovely young man' who delivered it (courier) refused the fiver she tried to give him lol
My dad won't go anywhere without lots of pound coins in his pocket to tip everyone lol
Sweet really
Gill |
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It is ( and take this in the way it's intended ) quite patronising to refuse to take money from an older person.
They need to feel that they have paid their way. They need to feel self respect and that they have some value.
It is not manners to refuse their money more than once. If they insist then take it. They do not like to feel as if people are 'doing them a favour' UNLESS of course they can do favours in return.
I don't believe in buying her flowers with the money either.
If you think she deserves flowers and want to give her some buy them out of your own goddam money and not the money she pays you with as if you can't wait to push such a meagre payment right back at her.
If someone paid you a few grand to do a job at their house would you spend it on a car or a holiday for them and say you don't want the money ?
No you wouldn't.
So saying to her, ' I don't want your money' or 'it was such a piffling amount I spent it on you is INSULTING.
Tell her you need a bit of help and need some socks washing or an apple pie baking and would she do it for you if you changed her light bulbs or put the fence up.
Give her back the bit of control she had before she everyone began to view her as 'old' ..... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It is ( and take this in the way it's intended ) quite patronising to refuse to take money from an older person.
They need to feel that they have paid their way. They need to feel self respect and that they have some value.
It is not manners to refuse their money more than once. If they insist then take it. They do not like to feel as if people are 'doing them a favour' UNLESS of course they can do favours in return.
I don't believe in buying her flowers with the money either.
If you think she deserves flowers and want to give her some buy them out of your own goddam money and not the money she pays you with as if you can't wait to push such a meagre payment right back at her.
If someone paid you a few grand to do a job at their house would you spend it on a car or a holiday for them and say you don't want the money ?
No you wouldn't.
So saying to her, ' I don't want your money' or 'it was such a piffling amount I spent it on you is INSULTING.
Tell her you need a bit of help and need some socks washing or an apple pie baking and would she do it for you if you changed her light bulbs or put the fence up.
Give her back the bit of control she had before she everyone began to view her as 'old' ..... "
Didnt mean to offend.. Just didnt know how to go about it.. |
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"I know you wouldn't offend for the earth. Who would... Just say ...God ta for that I had no money for milk n eggs. Then say ....that covers the next four jobs tho.
"
Excellent! The best response to this post. I like your idea about the socks and apple pie too.
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"It is ( and take this in the way it's intended ) quite patronising to refuse to take money from an older person.
They need to feel that they have paid their way. They need to feel self respect and that they have some value.
It is not manners to refuse their money more than once. If they insist then take it. They do not like to feel as if people are 'doing them a favour' UNLESS of course they can do favours in return.
I don't believe in buying her flowers with the money either.
If you think she deserves flowers and want to give her some buy them out of your own goddam money and not the money she pays you with as if you can't wait to push such a meagre payment right back at her.
If someone paid you a few grand to do a job at their house would you spend it on a car or a holiday for them and say you don't want the money ?
No you wouldn't.
So saying to her, ' I don't want your money' or 'it was such a piffling amount I spent it on you is INSULTING.
Tell her you need a bit of help and need some socks washing or an apple pie baking and would she do it for you if you changed her light bulbs or put the fence up.
Give her back the bit of control she had before she everyone began to view her as 'old' .....
Didnt mean to offend.. Just didnt know how to go about it.. "
Of course you did not mean to offend and I am sure you did not offend either as you were being very helpful in the first place you have "credit" with the lady anyway.
Whatever you do with the money, I think the main thing to remember is that most people do not like to receive without giving. Your dad was right in saying "Give" - I personally would have changed the rest into "but do not expect anything back".  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It is ( and take this in the way it's intended ) quite patronising to refuse to take money from an older person.
They need to feel that they have paid their way. They need to feel self respect and that they have some value.
It is not manners to refuse their money more than once. If they insist then take it. They do not like to feel as if people are 'doing them a favour' UNLESS of course they can do favours in return.
I don't believe in buying her flowers with the money either.
If you think she deserves flowers and want to give her some buy them out of your own goddam money and not the money she pays you with as if you can't wait to push such a meagre payment right back at her.
If someone paid you a few grand to do a job at their house would you spend it on a car or a holiday for them and say you don't want the money ?
No you wouldn't.
So saying to her, ' I don't want your money' or 'it was such a piffling amount I spent it on you is INSULTING.
Tell her you need a bit of help and need some socks washing or an apple pie baking and would she do it for you if you changed her light bulbs or put the fence up.
Give her back the bit of control she had before she everyone began to view her as 'old' .....
Didnt mean to offend.. Just didnt know how to go about it.. Of course you did not mean to offend and I am sure you did not offend either as you were being very helpful in the first place you have "credit" with the lady anyway.
Whatever you do with the money, I think the main thing to remember is that most people do not like to receive without giving. Your dad was right in saying "Give" - I personally would have changed the rest into "but do not expect anything back". "
Dont give to recieve is what i ment to put lol.. Which i never do.. If someone asks for help i dont mind mucking in and i dont exspect anything in return.. How ever if it was my job say maintanace and repair then i would expect payment because it would be myjob.. But helping a friend is just good manners.. |
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