FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Have you grown?
Have you grown?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Have you changed or grown as a person from even a few years ago? Or are you pretty much in your final form? You are who you are and you are done growing as a person?
I think back to myself even a few years ago and I’ve grown and changed so much. It’s almost scary.
Who were you a few years ago? Exactly the same person? |
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Always changing always evolving, as life experiences change so do I as a person, joining here for example has left a change I'm way more cynical because of it, in also more open to trying a lot of new things.
Mrs |
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I think if I stop growing, it's time for me to shuffle off this mortal coil.
That being said, I change less as time goes on. I just develop more in ways I already am. Refinement with age, sort of thing. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Always changing always evolving, as life experiences change so do I as a person, joining here for example has left a change I'm way more cynical because of it, in also more open to trying a lot of new things.
Mrs "
In what ways has fab made you cynical? If you don’t mind sharing |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think if I stop growing, it's time for me to shuffle off this mortal coil.
That being said, I change less as time goes on. I just develop more in ways I already am. Refinement with age, sort of thing."
You’re nearing your peak self, Swing |
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"I think if I stop growing, it's time for me to shuffle off this mortal coil.
That being said, I change less as time goes on. I just develop more in ways I already am. Refinement with age, sort of thing.
You’re nearing your peak self, Swing"
I hope not. I'm a mess  |
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I'm in my mum chapter atm, life revolves around the small people,
This has been the main period I've grown and changed for sure, and I'm looking forward to my 50's when life will change again and finding me, as mostly Compy not just "Mummy" is going to be a interesting discovery  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’m absolutely self-actualising. Views have altered radically in last few years, shed a shitload of weight, opened up my social circle, more open to others in a kind of paradoxical way (I’m sticking to views I have now but can also see others points of view/accepting of them to an extent. Overall, enjoying the the trajectory of my life, embracing ‘challenges’ as adventures  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’ve tried a few new things and had new experiences recently but essentially the way I think and my values are pretty much set in now I think. Very little change over the last few years but they did change as I evolved as an adult over the years.
I do kind of remember thinking I knew it all in my 20s but another two and a bit decades of life experience has moulded me to where I am now.
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By *G LanaTV/TS
over a year ago
Gosport |
Changed and changing certainly. Admitting I suffer gender dysphoria and trying differrent treatment approaches over the last few years has been a massive change with hopefully a while lot more over the comimg years. |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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Yes I have. I was very much unhappy with how I looked. I was quite bitchy. Disliked people who were wrong and would gleefully take them apart, whether that was at work or on the forums. I would overthink everything.
Now? I'm more confident in myself. Less of a dick to others. I'm happier in myself.
I'm looking forward to seeing how I grow in the coming years. Hoping I can continue being more true to myself. Less prone to shutting people down or out. I quite like me now. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Absolutely I am a totally different person to the person I was 3 years ago.
Different priorities, different things I've become very blase about which would have been a whole drama then.
My life changed beyond my control and it changed me so much, I had a mental health wobble that I overcome and became much stronger from as well as became closer to my family but moved away emotionally from a lot of friends |
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Yes, I’ve changed quite a lot. Being with people who showed me how much better things could be, therapy helped a lot too.
The main thing is having the desire to change, that’s the dealbreaker. Without that, you’ll stay the same. |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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"Yes, I’ve changed quite a lot. Being with people who showed me how much better things could be, therapy helped a lot too.
The main thing is having the desire to change, that’s the dealbreaker. Without that, you’ll stay the same."
I think that's it really. You choose to try and change. To grow. You might fail at times but you keep trying.
There are certain behavioural traits I've actively avoided this past couple of years. I stop conversations/behaviours that might lead to their re-emergence. I actively choose to not be that way. |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
Less so in the last few years. I think when raising kids and pushing your career constant growth is just normal and when that slows right down you realise you have to create the impetus. And thats tough because growth comes from pain / pruning. |
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
I changed a lot over the last 12 years becoming more settled, happier and focusing on more important things in life than just myself and what I want.
Now I'm having to change again, in a different way and again having to focus on different things entirely, which now includes trying to concentrate on myself again. It's bloody hard I can tell you. When you get out of a mode of solely concerning yourself on your own desires, objectives and aspirations it's difficult to rewire your brain to go back into 'me' mode. It's easy to dwell, you find yourself at a loose end wondering what to do, where to go and how you'll occupy your time. You can easily feel isolated and alone having lost that close contact with others and the constant ability to engage with other people on a day to day basis.
It's when the virtual world and online chat becomes all the more important and a means at time of maintaining sanity.
Change is always inevitable. It's how you deal with it that matters.
A |
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"Yes, I’ve changed quite a lot. Being with people who showed me how much better things could be, therapy helped a lot too.
The main thing is having the desire to change, that’s the dealbreaker. Without that, you’ll stay the same."
I struggled mentally for quiet a long time due to several reason, believeing that I needed to be strong and not show emotions, I came close to a nervous breakdown. Getting therapy was the best thing I ever did but admitting I needed it was the hardest. |
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"Yes I have. I was very much unhappy with how I looked. I was quite bitchy. Disliked people who were wrong and would gleefully take them apart, whether that was at work or on the forums. I would overthink everything.
Now? I'm more confident in myself. Less of a dick to others. I'm happier in myself.
I'm looking forward to seeing how I grow in the coming years. Hoping I can continue being more true to myself. Less prone to shutting people down or out. I quite like me now. "
I don't think I have ever seen you being a dick. |
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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Liverpool |
Define grown, because people will define thst differently.
And the people will view each outcome differently.
I've changed. But to some I will have grown, to others they won't think so. Are we only viewing grown in the "positive" boring sense? |
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Yes we've both changed as lot. The older you get, the more life experiences you have, it does change you.
We have changed for the better, our attitudes, our views and ideas and the way we react. We've learned better ways and how to deal with situations, but I do think part of that is just maturing through the years.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Yes I have. I was very much unhappy with how I looked. I was quite bitchy. Disliked people who were wrong and would gleefully take them apart, whether that was at work or on the forums. I would overthink everything.
Now? I'm more confident in myself. Less of a dick to others. I'm happier in myself.
I'm looking forward to seeing how I grow in the coming years. Hoping I can continue being more true to myself. Less prone to shutting people down or out. I quite like me now. "
I used to love arguing on here, I used to love drama, I used to want to be friends with everyone. I don’t anymore.
You know what that is? Growth |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"Define grown, because people will define thst differently.
And the people will view each outcome differently.
I've changed. But to some I will have grown, to others they won't think so. Are we only viewing grown in the "positive" boring sense? "
Are you producing fruit ? Someone who is growing produces fruit clearly visible to those around them |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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"Yes I have. I was very much unhappy with how I looked. I was quite bitchy. Disliked people who were wrong and would gleefully take them apart, whether that was at work or on the forums. I would overthink everything.
Now? I'm more confident in myself. Less of a dick to others. I'm happier in myself.
I'm looking forward to seeing how I grow in the coming years. Hoping I can continue being more true to myself. Less prone to shutting people down or out. I quite like me now.
I don't think I have ever seen you being a dick. "
No. I was. I can own that. Sometimes I'm still a bit of a dick but back then? Horrid.
Northern Stars will remember how abrasive I could be. So convinced of being right. So much delight taken in showing people they were wrong.
And part of the joy of growth is being able to see how much people have changed and how much you have.
When I met the aforementioned at a social? It was so lovely to see our growth. To see the women we are now. To be authentic with each other and realise we're not the women we once were.
People talk about the forum as being not great oft. Moments like that remind me of how brilliant it can be. |
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"Yes I have. I was very much unhappy with how I looked. I was quite bitchy. Disliked people who were wrong and would gleefully take them apart, whether that was at work or on the forums. I would overthink everything.
Now? I'm more confident in myself. Less of a dick to others. I'm happier in myself.
I'm looking forward to seeing how I grow in the coming years. Hoping I can continue being more true to myself. Less prone to shutting people down or out. I quite like me now.
I don't think I have ever seen you being a dick.
No. I was. I can own that. Sometimes I'm still a bit of a dick but back then? Horrid.
Northern Stars will remember how abrasive I could be. So convinced of being right. So much delight taken in showing people they were wrong.
And part of the joy of growth is being able to see how much people have changed and how much you have.
When I met the aforementioned at a social? It was so lovely to see our growth. To see the women we are now. To be authentic with each other and realise we're not the women we once were.
People talk about the forum as being not great oft. Moments like that remind me of how brilliant it can be."
Awww Meli, we've both come such a long way since those days, and both have flourished  |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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"Yes I have. I was very much unhappy with how I looked. I was quite bitchy. Disliked people who were wrong and would gleefully take them apart, whether that was at work or on the forums. I would overthink everything.
Now? I'm more confident in myself. Less of a dick to others. I'm happier in myself.
I'm looking forward to seeing how I grow in the coming years. Hoping I can continue being more true to myself. Less prone to shutting people down or out. I quite like me now.
I used to love arguing on here, I used to love drama, I used to want to be friends with everyone. I don’t anymore.
You know what that is? Growth"
Exactly. There's a point where you realise you don't need that. Where it doesn't serve you. When you realise, actually, you can be true to yourself and you don't need to be friends with everyone.
I don't need to argue every single point. I don't need drama in my life so I actively try and avoid it and hate when I'm pushed into situations that are.
So now, more often than not I step back and say I don't want to do this. I want to focus on the positives. I'm not perfect at it, I can still slip into it at times. Fuck knows I can. But being aware of my behaviour and actively trying to grow is a positive thing in my mind.
I like when people who know me well and truly can see and comment on how I've grown. But most of all, I like seeing it myself. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Yes I have. I was very much unhappy with how I looked. I was quite bitchy. Disliked people who were wrong and would gleefully take them apart, whether that was at work or on the forums. I would overthink everything.
Now? I'm more confident in myself. Less of a dick to others. I'm happier in myself.
I'm looking forward to seeing how I grow in the coming years. Hoping I can continue being more true to myself. Less prone to shutting people down or out. I quite like me now.
I used to love arguing on here, I used to love drama, I used to want to be friends with everyone. I don’t anymore.
You know what that is? Growth
Exactly. There's a point where you realise you don't need that. Where it doesn't serve you. When you realise, actually, you can be true to yourself and you don't need to be friends with everyone.
I don't need to argue every single point. I don't need drama in my life so I actively try and avoid it and hate when I'm pushed into situations that are.
So now, more often than not I step back and say I don't want to do this. I want to focus on the positives. I'm not perfect at it, I can still slip into it at times. Fuck knows I can. But being aware of my behaviour and actively trying to grow is a positive thing in my mind.
I like when people who know me well and truly can see and comment on how I've grown. But most of all, I like seeing it myself."
Meli we are both so young. I love this growth for us both. You’re sick |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yesterday was the 5 year anniversary of something so I was thinking about this.
I've changed, I've evolved and I've improved in some ways but in others, probably not so much.
I'd like to think I've learnt some lessons but in reality I'd still do some things all over again.
Oddly since yesterday I've had news that's made me continue to keep questioning things and I think it's time to evolve a little more. |
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The last few years I've grown probably the most I have compared to the several decades before.
But I think trauma does that to you. You go into survival mode and kind of forget to switch it back off again.
I'm still figuring a few things out, and I'm a work in progress. On Fab another forumite has noticed a change in the way I post. Saying I'm more relaxed which is probably true. Though that maybe because there are less debates on here now. |
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A lifelong work in progress, Pickle.
If we're talking self-actualisation then I'm not sure it's ever truly attainable. I think we grow through whatever life throws at us. Sometimes in unexpected ways or ways we don't like. I used to think of personal growth as refinement, becoming the best version of me. Latterly I think of it more as self acceptance, acknowledging those parts of ourselves we'd rather shy away from as being an innate part of us. There's a big difference for me between recognising feelings and how I then behave based on those feelings. I guess understanding my motivations - even ones I don't like to admit to - is growth, for me.
Mrs TMN x |
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Values and beliefs seldom change after a certain age but experiences influence behaviour and interaction with others for sure. I have certanly grown in accepting more things both in myself and in others. |
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Life changes you even if only subtly. Basic personality traits remain the same but experiences alter how you express them.
You never stop changing until you die. I've seen my dad change in many ways over the last year or so and he's 96. |
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"Yes I have. I was very much unhappy with how I looked. I was quite bitchy. Disliked people who were wrong and would gleefully take them apart, whether that was at work or on the forums. I would overthink everything.
Now? I'm more confident in myself. Less of a dick to others. I'm happier in myself.
I'm looking forward to seeing how I grow in the coming years. Hoping I can continue being more true to myself. Less prone to shutting people down or out. I quite like me now. "
I like you in this growth form Meli, and I hope you continue with all of your happiness and future endeavours in it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Think I have gone backwards from the person I was a few years ago.
Back then I was involved in running successful events and socials.
Now I consider getting out of the house and still being here an achievement |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Think I have gone backwards from the person I was a few years ago.
Back then I was involved in running successful events and socials.
Now I consider getting out of the house and still being here an achievement "
- it may not be of much help stating this but what you’re going through is completely ‘normal’. I see these periods as a reset, you really will come back. It’s life’s ebb and flow in action |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"The last few years I've grown probably the most I have compared to the several decades before.
But I think trauma does that to you. You go into survival mode and kind of forget to switch it back off again.
I'm still figuring a few things out, and I'm a work in progress. On Fab another forumite has noticed a change in the way I post. Saying I'm more relaxed which is probably true. Though that maybe because there are less debates on here now. "
Frida |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"A lifelong work in progress, Pickle.
If we're talking self-actualisation then I'm not sure it's ever truly attainable. I think we grow through whatever life throws at us. Sometimes in unexpected ways or ways we don't like. I used to think of personal growth as refinement, becoming the best version of me. Latterly I think of it more as self acceptance, acknowledging those parts of ourselves we'd rather shy away from as being an innate part of us. There's a big difference for me between recognising feelings and how I then behave based on those feelings. I guess understanding my motivations - even ones I don't like to admit to - is growth, for me.
Mrs TMN x"
Mrs TMN, you are just |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Fab has shown me exactly what people are like. That's all I need to know."
 you had no idea about people before fab?! The duplicity of humans has been apparent to me since as long as I can remember  |
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"Always changing always evolving, as life experiences change so do I as a person, joining here for example has left a change I'm way more cynical because of it, in also more open to trying a lot of new things.
Mrs
In what ways has fab made you cynical? If you don’t mind sharing"
Generally the men (not all men), I don't believe a word they say anymore, the inbox attitude, the self entitlement, the rudeness, the whining, the complimenting someone they don't even know what they look like just to get their dick wet & the insults when you don't accept their complements, I don't think I've ever disliked so many men in my life.
Mrs |
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I'm a very different person, grown somewhat in confidence and attitude. I was always a people pleaser, but I learnt to say no and not let people take the piss.
I also discovered my dominant side, late 30s which made a difference.
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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"Yes I have. I was very much unhappy with how I looked. I was quite bitchy. Disliked people who were wrong and would gleefully take them apart, whether that was at work or on the forums. I would overthink everything.
Now? I'm more confident in myself. Less of a dick to others. I'm happier in myself.
I'm looking forward to seeing how I grow in the coming years. Hoping I can continue being more true to myself. Less prone to shutting people down or out. I quite like me now.
I like you in this growth form Meli, and I hope you continue with all of your happiness and future endeavours in it "
Aww, thank you Compy. Looking forward to seeing you very soon x |
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"I was always a people pleaser, but I learnt to say no and not let people take the piss.
"
I can relate to this. I think I basically had two modes - a pleaser or completely the opposite if someone took the piss for too long. Sensing when that would happen and making a smaller change earlier, rather than letting it get too far was a useful thing for me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think there is always room for growth within ourselves. Life is constantly changing and for me I think I'm better able to adapt to situations that are beyond my control. So I think its good to be able to allow yourself to change and better yourself rather than get stuck in a rut. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Oh yeah i have grown a lot in the last say 4 years a lot more sensible and responsible
And sadly more boring guess I have lost my playful side or lost most of it for sure "
Don’t ever lose your playfulness - have you seen mature/elderly people that still have theirs? They have a special glow, an eternal sense of wonder with a glint in their eyes, that keeps them curious |
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"Oh yeah i have grown a lot in the last say 4 years a lot more sensible and responsible
And sadly more boring guess I have lost my playful side or lost most of it for sure Don’t ever lose your playfulness - have you seen mature/elderly people that still have theirs? They have a special glow, an eternal sense of wonder with a glint in their eyes, that keeps them curious "
Oh I try not to but I guess it just happens over time I mean I am or can be silly and goofy still just not as much as I was that's all |
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I have changed a lot since I've been single 10 years ago. Some changes in a positive way and many negative experiences have made me jaded with things in my little world. But it has been a journey I don't regret. I would say I am trying hard to not let the jaded moments stop me striving towards what I would like, but it is a struggle but I'm a warrior |
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"A lifelong work in progress, Pickle.
If we're talking self-actualisation then I'm not sure it's ever truly attainable. I think we grow through whatever life throws at us. Sometimes in unexpected ways or ways we don't like. I used to think of personal growth as refinement, becoming the best version of me. Latterly I think of it more as self acceptance, acknowledging those parts of ourselves we'd rather shy away from as being an innate part of us. There's a big difference for me between recognising feelings and how I then behave based on those feelings. I guess understanding my motivations - even ones I don't like to admit to - is growth, for me.
Mrs TMN x
Mrs TMN, you are just "
Here's the kicker, though - revisit this in five, ten, twenty years and I'll give you a different answer. Growth, innit.
Mrs TMN x |
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I have less patience than I used too. Less likely to put up with shit off people
I've stopped overthrowing and I have let go of negativity. I'm at peace with who I am and my story that's enough for me |
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