FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Is ghosting better than the truth?
Is ghosting better than the truth?
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So, Tuesday we opted to end a "connection" with a guy, sent a message explaining we felt it was probably better to go our separate ways due to our schedules usually clashing, we've not been able to arrange meets due to this. We didn't want him to feel strung along and felt we saw him as a friend enough to be honest.
He blew up lastnight (I suspect after a drink), outright giving the Mrs abuse for this. Saying she's lying, that she clearly doesn't want him. Ya know, effectively taking it very personally.
This is the second time since we've joined Fab that this has happened.
So back to the question, is it better to ghost people than be honest about your intentions? It appears honesty just brings problems. What do you do? Do you explain where you're at with that person or just end all contact without saying a word? |
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"Why do you suspect after drink? "
The text was a mess, couple of messages we couldnt actually read. Its also not been uncommon he's messaged both of us very random things then apologised the next morning for being d*unk, certain words and phrases he uses when d*unk, he used lastnight |
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"Why do you suspect after drink?
The text was a mess, couple of messages we couldnt actually read. Its also not been uncommon he's messaged both of us very random things then apologised the next morning for being d*unk, certain words and phrases he uses when d*unk, he used lastnight "
I wouldn’t be interacting with anyone who has previous with that kind of behaviour. |
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In this situation OP if was with me in your situation i would just stop contacting without even given any explanation. In your case if people can accept / understand your and your partner terms then is their problem.
I easily do friendships but once i come to knowledge they are not honest i automatically stop talking to them and i don't regret a bit of having this aproach |
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We'd explain our reasons and block ,then there can be no come back or abuse.
I've had abuse on my single profile for being upfront before.So if I say no thanks now or change my mind later ,I'll tell them but block afterwards.
Miss |
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"We'd explain our reasons and block ,then there can be no come back or abuse.
I've had abuse on my single profile for being upfront before.So if I say no thanks now or change my mind later ,I'll tell them but block afterwards.
Miss"
That seems like the best approach going forward. I think we came to fab abit naive, we'd been on the club scene much longer, joined fab and didn't think we'd face abuse like that for trying to explain and be honest. |
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"We'd explain our reasons and block ,then there can be no come back or abuse.
I've had abuse on my single profile for being upfront before.So if I say no thanks now or change my mind later ,I'll tell them but block afterwards.
Miss
That seems like the best approach going forward. I think we came to fab abit naive, we'd been on the club scene much longer, joined fab and didn't think we'd face abuse like that for trying to explain and be honest. "
sadly it's all too easy online to be horrible to others isn't it.Some people can't take rejection very well unfortunately. |
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"So, Tuesday we opted to end a "connection" with a guy, sent a message explaining we felt it was probably better to go our separate ways due to our schedules usually clashing, we've not been able to arrange meets due to this. We didn't want him to feel strung along and felt we saw him as a friend enough to be honest.
He blew up lastnight (I suspect after a drink), outright giving the Mrs abuse for this. Saying she's lying, that she clearly doesn't want him. Ya know, effectively taking it very personally.
This is the second time since we've joined Fab that this has happened.
So back to the question, is it better to ghost people than be honest about your intentions? It appears honesty just brings problems. What do you do? Do you explain where you're at with that person or just end all contact without saying a word? "
I think ghosting after you've been talking and building a connection is really unkind. I think you did the right thing, but obviously you don't know how people are going to react. I'd now block if receiving abusive messages. I would hope he's in the minority, and most don't react that way. |
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By *llaandGCouple
over a year ago
London |
"It’s definitely better to give an explanation, ghosting is one of the single most annoying things in the world
"
Maybe, but unfortunately over-entitled abuse is more than just annoying. And Fabs helpfully tells someone if they've been blocked so there's some feedback at least
G |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So, Tuesday we opted to end a "connection" with a guy, sent a message explaining we felt it was probably better to go our separate ways due to our schedules usually clashing, we've not been able to arrange meets due to this. We didn't want him to feel strung along and felt we saw him as a friend enough to be honest.
He blew up lastnight (I suspect after a drink), outright giving the Mrs abuse for this. Saying she's lying, that she clearly doesn't want him. Ya know, effectively taking it very personally.
This is the second time since we've joined Fab that this has happened.
So back to the question, is it better to ghost people than be honest about your intentions? It appears honesty just brings problems. What do you do? Do you explain where you're at with that person or just end all contact without saying a word? "
You did the right thing. The fact he can't handle rejection sounds like it was a lucky escape.
I'd reply to him and say if that's his attitude he's clearly not safe to meet and it was the right decision. |
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"So, Tuesday we opted to end a "connection" with a guy, sent a message explaining we felt it was probably better to go our separate ways due to our schedules usually clashing, we've not been able to arrange meets due to this. We didn't want him to feel strung along and felt we saw him as a friend enough to be honest.
He blew up lastnight (I suspect after a drink), outright giving the Mrs abuse for this. Saying she's lying, that she clearly doesn't want him. Ya know, effectively taking it very personally.
This is the second time since we've joined Fab that this has happened.
So back to the question, is it better to ghost people than be honest about your intentions? It appears honesty just brings problems. What do you do? Do you explain where you're at with that person or just end all contact without saying a word? "
Send a thanks but we don’t want to take this further. You’re not for us… And then immediately block.
It sounds like you dodged a bullet with this abusive individual.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's not fair to leave people wondering what happened, always best to be honest. 9 times out of 10 the reaction I get usually confirms my gut feeling was right in the first place. I can't control their reaction but I can control being an adult that communicates with other adults. |
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"Ghosting just adds to the list; here today gone tomorrow profiles, cheaters, fake photos, beached whales with lists of their rules, rudeness, no replies. Best place on fab is the forum. "
Beached whales?? Just wow...I have no words for that nastiness |
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"So, Tuesday we opted to end a "connection" with a guy, sent a message explaining we felt it was probably better to go our separate ways due to our schedules usually clashing, we've not been able to arrange meets due to this. We didn't want him to feel strung along and felt we saw him as a friend enough to be honest.
He blew up lastnight (I suspect after a drink), outright giving the Mrs abuse for this. Saying she's lying, that she clearly doesn't want him. Ya know, effectively taking it very personally.
This is the second time since we've joined Fab that this has happened.
So back to the question, is it better to ghost people than be honest about your intentions? It appears honesty just brings problems. What do you do? Do you explain where you're at with that person or just end all contact without saying a word? "
What you failed to do after the message was block.
Clearly if you have tried explaining and then taken abuse you try something different..
If you are happier explaining great your choice but the likelihood of abuse is high so block. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I (Mr) will always offer a reason, politely and sensitively, if of course conversation has built.
If they respond abusively, we'll recognise it as the correct choice.
How they handle their emotions is up to them.
I'll block, or even report if abusive, and move on.  |
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"So, Tuesday we opted to end a "connection" with a guy, sent a message explaining we felt it was probably better to go our separate ways due to our schedules usually clashing, we've not been able to arrange meets due to this. We didn't want him to feel strung along and felt we saw him as a friend enough to be honest.
He blew up lastnight (I suspect after a drink), outright giving the Mrs abuse for this. Saying she's lying, that she clearly doesn't want him. Ya know, effectively taking it very personally.
This is the second time since we've joined Fab that this has happened.
So back to the question, is it better to ghost people than be honest about your intentions? It appears honesty just brings problems. What do you do? Do you explain where you're at with that person or just end all contact without saying a word?
I think ghosting after you've been talking and building a connection is really unkind. I think you did the right thing, but obviously you don't know how people are going to react. I'd now block if receiving abusive messages. I would hope he's in the minority, and most don't react that way. "
I am totally with this view. |
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In the minority here but I do not care if someone ghosts me or explained they are ending something. It makes no difference and tbh I'd rather not hear why. Especially when talking about casual swinging. An actual relationship I'd want to communicate not be just blocked.
Connections move and change all the time things fade out doesn't need to be explained in every circumstance
OP you are well within your rights to just block , guy sounds like he's got his issues to sort out on his own. |
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By *TG3Man
over a year ago
Dorchester |
"So, Tuesday we opted to end a "connection" with a guy, sent a message explaining we felt it was probably better to go our separate ways due to our schedules usually clashing, we've not been able to arrange meets due to this. We didn't want him to feel strung along and felt we saw him as a friend enough to be honest.
He blew up lastnight (I suspect after a drink), outright giving the Mrs abuse for this. Saying she's lying, that she clearly doesn't want him. Ya know, effectively taking it very personally.
This is the second time since we've joined Fab that this has happened.
So back to the question, is it better to ghost people than be honest about your intentions? It appears honesty just brings problems. What do you do? Do you explain where you're at with that person or just end all contact without saying a word? "
just block them ends communication women do it in forums just for comments  |
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I absolutely prefer it if people take the time to say, 'Sorry, but No' or 'It's not working'
As opposed to just being blanked or blocked.
It's the polite and classy thing to do. The guy's reaction, on the face of it, is just flat out of order. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I actually had a conversation with someone from here about ghosting and we had a differing view on it.
They stood by the fact that ghosting is ok as long as there’s not been more than a couple of meets as it’s easier to avoid the aggression or whining following the truth…after a couple of meets then the connection should be there to engage like adults.
For me it was a case of ghosting is an act that doesn’t allow for closure therefore resulting in a person not fully understanding where they stand….and I’m a big believer in grown ups must be able to have grown up conversations and must be able to accept when something’s run its course….yes I’m wrong in most cases on here (I’ve read the horror stories haha) but I stand by that ghosting is not a decent way to act!!  |
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"Was the reaaon for.ditching him anything to do with attitude anyway? "
Nope, not at all. We were under the impression he was a great guy. Other than the odd overly sexual d*unken texts which he apologised for every time, he had no reason to think he wasn't decent. The only reason was because we are never free at the same time, with work and daily commitments, it just meant a constant clash so we thought it best to "end on a high" if you like |
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"I actually had a conversation with someone from here about ghosting and we had a differing view on it.
They stood by the fact that ghosting is ok as long as there’s not been more than a couple of meets as it’s easier to avoid the aggression or whining following the truth…after a couple of meets then the connection should be there to engage like adults.
For me it was a case of ghosting is an act that doesn’t allow for closure therefore resulting in a person not fully understanding where they stand….and I’m a big believer in grown ups must be able to have grown up conversations and must be able to accept when something’s run its course….yes I’m wrong in most cases on here (I’ve read the horror stories haha) but I stand by that ghosting is not a decent way to act!! "
Absolutely x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would always explain and give my reasons, but I would block them if they become abusive. Please don't let it put you off Fab, there are some really lovely people on here |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Why do you suspect after drink?
The text was a mess, couple of messages we couldnt actually read. Its also not been uncommon he's messaged both of us very random things then apologised the next morning for being d*unk, certain words and phrases he uses when d*unk, he used lastnight "
So you knew before of his behaviour ?? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I would always explain and give my reasons, but I would block them if they become abusive. Please don't let it put you off Fab, there are some really lovely people on here "
Awwww...thank you so much  |
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It's best to be direct, respectful and to have a clean break,where feasible and appropriate. Otherwise, some engagements naturally fizzle out and don't need a goodbye.
In fab, blocking is the sensible action, after or without a clarification. |
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"So, Tuesday we opted to end a "connection" with a guy, sent a message explaining we felt it was probably better to go our separate ways due to our schedules usually clashing, we've not been able to arrange meets due to this. We didn't want him to feel strung along and felt we saw him as a friend enough to be honest.
He blew up lastnight (I suspect after a drink), outright giving the Mrs abuse for this. Saying she's lying, that she clearly doesn't want him. Ya know, effectively taking it very personally.
This is the second time since we've joined Fab that this has happened.
So back to the question, is it better to ghost people than be honest about your intentions? It appears honesty just brings problems. What do you do? Do you explain where you're at with that person or just end all contact without saying a word? "
If you are worried about abuse flying back I would say message explaining and then block. Just ghosting after chatting for a while is not great but depends on how much chat there has been and the content. A few messages then fine but if chatting for a long period and talk of meeting I would rather get a short message saying things have change. For me it is like having a a itch on the brain I can't scratch. Worse still is ghosting after having arranged a meet. |
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I always choose to explain rather than ghost because that’s just who I am. However ANY abuse from anyone in any walk of life is totally unacceptable. If they’re not adult enough to take a no then they should be blocked immediately. I would do this in face to face encounters too. I hope you’re ok OP and always remember that abuse is not ok. Ever  |
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"Ghosting just adds to the list; here today gone tomorrow profiles, cheaters, fake photos, beached whales with lists of their rules, rudeness, no replies. Best place on fab is the forum. "
"beached whales with lists of their rules"???
What is with this opinion that people who don't fit your idea of attractive can't have standards and preferences of their own?  |
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If I've been having a chat with someone then I'll always say sorry but not for me if it came to that.
If it's just some random 1st message then I'll usually ignore it if they don't match what we are looking for
Mrs |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ghosting just adds to the list; here today gone tomorrow profiles, cheaters, fake photos, beached whales with lists of their rules, rudeness, no replies. Best place on fab is the forum. "
You talk about rudeness? No wonder you can’t get meets! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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No. I'd absolutely prefer to be given a reason, even if it's as straight forward as "I'm not attracted to you". When I get ghosted, I'm left wondering if it's something I did or said, was the other person a catfish or fake, and it plays on my mind. I understand you can't account for how someone may react to rejection but that's their own issues to deal with. |
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You did you the right thing by telling them that you don’t want to meet anymore. After that, you don’t owe anything to them anymore.
Problem with Fab is that whilst it has lots of genuinely decent people on it, it also attracts an awful lot of questionable individuals.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ghosting just adds to the list; here today gone tomorrow profiles, cheaters, fake photos, beached whales with lists of their rules, rudeness, no replies. Best place on fab is the forum. "
Wow.. Ghosting is not a list it is an attitude towards others that is rude and disrespectful.
Can you please define beach whale?
They are very beautiful creatures like all of us on here. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So, Tuesday we opted to end a "connection" with a guy, sent a message explaining we felt it was probably better to go our separate ways due to our schedules usually clashing, we've not been able to arrange meets due to this. We didn't want him to feel strung along and felt we saw him as a friend enough to be honest.
He blew up lastnight (I suspect after a drink), outright giving the Mrs abuse for this. Saying she's lying, that she clearly doesn't want him. Ya know, effectively taking it very personally.
This is the second time since we've joined Fab that this has happened.
So back to the question, is it better to ghost people than be honest about your intentions? It appears honesty just brings problems. What do you do? Do you explain where you're at with that person or just end all contact without saying a word? "
Nah. You were absolutely fine I your decisions.
He acted like a knoblet. So you block and move on.
Simples.
Don't let your integrity waver due to someone else's inability to maintain, or even find their own.
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"So, Tuesday we opted to end a "connection" with a guy, sent a message explaining we felt it was probably better to go our separate ways due to our schedules usually clashing, we've not been able to arrange meets due to this. We didn't want him to feel strung along and felt we saw him as a friend enough to be honest.
He blew up lastnight (I suspect after a drink), outright giving the Mrs abuse for this. Saying she's lying, that she clearly doesn't want him. Ya know, effectively taking it very personally.
This is the second time since we've joined Fab that this has happened.
So back to the question, is it better to ghost people than be honest about your intentions? It appears honesty just brings problems. What do you do? Do you explain where you're at with that person or just end all contact without saying a word? "
Personally I’d prefer the honest side of things, however it sounds like it was a no go from the start.
Best of luck in the future guys. |
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"So, Tuesday we opted to end a "connection" with a guy, sent a message explaining we felt it was probably better to go our separate ways due to our schedules usually clashing, we've not been able to arrange meets due to this. We didn't want him to feel strung along and felt we saw him as a friend enough to be honest.
He blew up lastnight (I suspect after a drink), outright giving the Mrs abuse for this. Saying she's lying, that she clearly doesn't want him. Ya know, effectively taking it very personally.
This is the second time since we've joined Fab that this has happened.
So back to the question, is it better to ghost people than be honest about your intentions? It appears honesty just brings problems. What do you do? Do you explain where you're at with that person or just end all contact without saying a word? "
Some people just cant handle the truth and do take it personally.
Me i prefer to kkow the truth. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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To me ghosting is only.something that can be done if you've met someone and had some sort of relationship going on.
Messaging on here and it just stoping is just people losing interest. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"To me ghosting is only.something that can be done if you've met someone and had some sort of relationship going on.
Messaging on here and it just stoping is just people losing interest. "
But in the first case then I'd rather know they just told me I was an ugly annoying twat than ghost me.
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"To me ghosting is only.something that can be done if you've met someone and had some sort of relationship going on.
Messaging on here and it just stoping is just people losing interest. "
Onky ghosting I know is Ghost walks, after cauliflower cheese |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"To me ghosting is only.something that can be done if you've met someone and had some sort of relationship going on.
Messaging on here and it just stoping is just people losing interest.
Onky ghosting I know is Ghost walks, after cauliflower cheese "
In! |
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"To me ghosting is only.something that can be done if you've met someone and had some sort of relationship going on.
Messaging on here and it just stoping is just people losing interest.
Onky ghosting I know is Ghost walks, after cauliflower cheese
In!"
let the real ghosting happen |
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Imagine someone constantly given negative feedback and what it would do to their self esteem. I think it's quite cruel.
In real life people just lie don't they "sorry I've got a boyfriend" or something like that. You can't do what on a swinging site when your profile is looking for sex!
I think if you have a conversation early on about what you like and swap pictures early on interest can be ascertained before a relationship is built and obligation is felt. At that point I think it's fine to keep polite and remove any encouragement if you're not interested. Most with common sense will realise. A man will know if I'm interested.
I put quite a lot of information on my profile about who I am and what I like and I think this filters things quite a lot. Why don't more people do this? It saves a lot of bother. I think if there is something within your profile that states a like or requirement specifically then it's fine to give that feedback. They've probably read it anyway and are just seeing if you might be interested on the off chance. It won't be a surprise then or disappointment.
For me blocking is the height of rudeness. You'd not just tell someone to f off in person unless they're done something quite wrong to you. I see this as blocking. I see it as really immature. I've only ever blocked 3 people on here. If I've blocked someone they're probably a freak - really weird guys or a very habitual determined pest without the intelligence to get the message. They've deserved to be blocked.
On the other hand if you've built a relationship with someone they deserve to know why. One guy I'd been serving for a few years I messaged on WhatsApp. He replied don't message me again and promptly blocked me. Maybe his girlfriend was sat next to him or something at the time but he could have messaged later with an explanation. He messaged about a year later now single and acting like nothing had happened. Needless to say it was a firm 'no thankyou" after that!
If you've built a relationship with someone it should be a more complicated and less offensive reason why you're no longer wanting to meet and people deserve to know.
Keep your profiles and likes detailed, swap pictures early and talk about what you want without being reserved. That way you filter out many unwanted messages, you meet with people you're very compatible with and if anyone feels they're being ghosted it doesn't really matter as nothing has really been invested.
If someone clearly really likes you and is regularly messaging, don't really realise the situation and they don't fit into a pest/weird category they do definitely deserve an explanation though
Maybe I've overcomplicated it lol x
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"To me ghosting is only.something that can be done if you've met someone and had some sort of relationship going on.
Messaging on here and it just stoping is just people losing interest.
But in the first case then I'd rather know they just told me I was an ugly annoying twat than ghost me.
"
Same |
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By *ogo1189Man
over a year ago
Rossendale |
Have a bit of faith in humanity. You shouldn’t assume that everyone will respond badly. People can go their separate ways without issue but keep the door open for future communication
Even if that communication isn’t about meeting up, you never know what tomorrow could bring but burning bridges by ghosting is never a good idea |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think it's best being honest. Trouble is there are alot of not only some very frustrated men on here but also alot of women who do string people on and play games (many have told me they do this) so it doesn't surprise me that he thinks you may be lying |
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