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Sexual attraction/desire
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I wanted to put this out there because I want to know what other people think, how do you define sexual attraction when you come across new people? What are the signs that you look for?
For years I thought my sexual attraction was simply based on whether I like how they look and if I get good vibes off them leading to wanting to have sex with them. But my last sexual experience completely turned my world upside down, for the better.
We met on fab, she winked at me, I read her profile, twice, scrolled through her photos, dropped her a message and came across like an excited puppy lol. The next day we were chatting over the phone and it shortly lead to video call, which then lasted for 16 hours to the early hours the next day.
During that entire video call we were both soaking through our underwear, we wanted each other THAT BADLY. And here's the kicker, despite us getting our tops off, her tits and my abs on show, for the first 14 hours there was absolutely no talk of sex, even flirting was minimal in comparison to the fairly normal discussions we had on common interests for most of that time.
We both found it fascinating that we could be so into each other without needing to delve into dirty talk or masturbating on camera. To put it simply, we were both perfect for each other in terms of sexual compatibility.
It's because of this my standards and preferences have changed dramatically, sexual compatibility and intense desire come light years before anything else.
I do feel it might have had a negative effect though, by changing my preferences so much i feel I'm very unlikely to find someone who shares that same chemistry with me, it could be years before I find someone who I click with like that. |
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Chemistry and connection is what matters me to me.
A bit of mindless hedonism with pretty things now and again isn't a terrible thing.
But I like that surge of want and need that comes when that chemistry is there  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sex is everywhere. Chemistry isnt.
While it's a sex site essentially, we can still have that human connection, and I value that above all else. If it's not there then the sex is lifeless. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Chemistry and connection is what matters me to me.
A bit of mindless hedonism with pretty things now and again isn't a terrible thing.
But I like that surge of want and need that comes when that chemistry is there "
Absolutely, I mean I used to like the mindless hedonism before but now, my last sexual partner left such a huge impression on me (despite being so little) I'm deathly afraid of having mindless sex without connection.
I just don't want to spend all of the energy trying to make it good if it turns out to be unfulfilling regardless if the woman had a great time herself.
I was so addicted to my last partner that I feel like I'm now perpetually stuck in the trailing end chasing the dragon. And no other form of pleasure will come close to the ecstasy of pure sexual lust for your perfect other. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think something that starts off that intense is probably unlikely to have longevity "
Well actually it would've, I don't want to go into it but the end came very sudden and abruptly, even afterwards when it ended, there was a lot of sexual desire |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Chemistry and connection is what matters me to me.
A bit of mindless hedonism with pretty things now and again isn't a terrible thing.
But I like that surge of want and need that comes when that chemistry is there "
I agree with Prey! God its so beautiful and intense when you find it! But I agree Op, not something that's going to come along with lots of people!
I have no idea what it is about that person that makes you fall! So I guess you just have to grab the opportunity when it comes.
In the meantime, enjoy others for the relationship you have with them, whether that's deep or just light fun! |
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By *awty_TwoCouple
over a year ago
Near Maidstone |
"I wanted to put this out there because I want to know what other people think, how do you define sexual attraction when you come across new people? What are the signs that you look for?
For years I thought my sexual attraction was simply based on whether I like how they look and if I get good vibes off them leading to wanting to have sex with them. But my last sexual experience completely turned my world upside down, for the better.
We met on fab, she winked at me, I read her profile, twice, scrolled through her photos, dropped her a message and came across like an excited puppy lol. The next day we were chatting over the phone and it shortly lead to video call, which then lasted for 16 hours to the early hours the next day.
During that entire video call we were both soaking through our underwear, we wanted each other THAT BADLY. And here's the kicker, despite us getting our tops off, her tits and my abs on show, for the first 14 hours there was absolutely no talk of sex, even flirting was minimal in comparison to the fairly normal discussions we had on common interests for most of that time.
We both found it fascinating that we could be so into each other without needing to delve into dirty talk or masturbating on camera. To put it simply, we were both perfect for each other in terms of sexual compatibility.
It's because of this my standards and preferences have changed dramatically, sexual compatibility and intense desire come light years before anything else.
I do feel it might have had a negative effect though, by changing my preferences so much i feel I'm very unlikely to find someone who shares that same chemistry with me, it could be years before I find someone who I click with like that."
If it was that good then why not hook up as a couple and continue swinging? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think something that starts off that intense is probably unlikely to have longevity
When it's just lust, that fades fast.
But when it's that gravity shifting chemistry, it can last decades "
THIS! Holy shit the gravity became so heavy sometimes, time would come to a stand still and we just melted into each other.
And there was so much love, it was more than mere lust and infatuation. |
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Sexual attraction for me is not in the form of looks (ok they do help) but if they can make me smile/laugh and engage my brain..that for me is where the attraction lies. My last fab meet has to be one of the best (if not thee best) that I've ever had on this site due to the chemistry we both felt and the instant spark that ignited as soon as I stepped from the car x |
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A benchmark has been set and that can only be a good thing.
We’ve been lucky enough to meet and have some fabulous FWB’s on here and due to the connection it’s harder to find other likeminded people.
But when you do it’s completely worthwhile but it does also mean that 95% - 98% of the people on here aren’t going to be your type now.
It also means you’ll know within the first couple of messages whether someone is worthy of your time or not.
Like I say, it’s a good thing 
K |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I wanted to put this out there because I want to know what other people think, how do you define sexual attraction when you come across new people? What are the signs that you look for?
For years I thought my sexual attraction was simply based on whether I like how they look and if I get good vibes off them leading to wanting to have sex with them. But my last sexual experience completely turned my world upside down, for the better.
We met on fab, she winked at me, I read her profile, twice, scrolled through her photos, dropped her a message and came across like an excited puppy lol. The next day we were chatting over the phone and it shortly lead to video call, which then lasted for 16 hours to the early hours the next day.
During that entire video call we were both soaking through our underwear, we wanted each other THAT BADLY. And here's the kicker, despite us getting our tops off, her tits and my abs on show, for the first 14 hours there was absolutely no talk of sex, even flirting was minimal in comparison to the fairly normal discussions we had on common interests for most of that time.
We both found it fascinating that we could be so into each other without needing to delve into dirty talk or masturbating on camera. To put it simply, we were both perfect for each other in terms of sexual compatibility.
It's because of this my standards and preferences have changed dramatically, sexual compatibility and intense desire come light years before anything else.
I do feel it might have had a negative effect though, by changing my preferences so much i feel I'm very unlikely to find someone who shares that same chemistry with me, it could be years before I find someone who I click with like that.
If it was that good then why not hook up as a couple and continue swinging? "
Because we were a monogamous couple for a year.
To keep it short, because it's too upsetting and I don't want to explain how and why, I fucked up big time. The relationship ended.
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For me its mind first having that meeting of minds before bodies if don't have mental connection with you no matter how beautiful you are it not going to happen .and I certainly wouldn't be getting my cock out or taking pics of it.
But seams doing what you did works for you so all good each to are own
If you made a connection and it worked for you both . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm so sorry OP! I guess you have to give yourself some time and healing. (This too will pass) you will move on...eventually. And I'm sure always look back fondly. It can be a benchmark for what you need in the future. And next time you will likely be careful not to 'fuck up'. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'm so sorry OP! I guess you have to give yourself some time and healing. (This too will pass) you will move on...eventually. And I'm sure always look back fondly. It can be a benchmark for what you need in the future. And next time you will likely be careful not to 'fuck up'. "
Thanks Beaver, I do look back fondly (when I'm not looking back in sadness), my god is she so beautiful, and her body just clicked into place with mine so perfectly we would fuck for hours almost everyday.
One of the last times we communicated she said that she still wanted to have sex with me, even after what's happened, but she can't do it because she knows that if we were to have sex again she would take me back, which would be too much of a mind fuck for her.
It's a shame, I really miss her, and not just the sex. I just hope that she finds someone better than me and has a better sexual experience with them, because to be frank, I shouldn't be the person she has the best sex of her life with, not after what I did, I don't deserve that pedestal. |
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Oh that deep connection is magical to find. I have had it a couple of times in my life. You can't expect it very often though so you will drive yourself crazy if that's your bar now. Other kinds of experiences can be great fun in the meantime. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Oh Mr pickle as I far older than you I can tell you that youl experience more in the fullness of time .but I'm pleased that you had the great experiences that you have had so far ."
Hahah I’ve met some great women. But the quote is from a Bronx tale.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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OP, if what she felt for you was just as strong as how you feel....it might not be totally over? How you behave now will determine if she feels she can come back to you! |
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"Oh Mr pickle as I far older than you I can tell you that youl experience more in the fullness of time .but I'm pleased that you had the great experiences that you have had so far .
Hahah I’ve met some great women. But the quote is from a Bronx tale. "
Done up like a kipper |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"OP, if what she felt for you was just as strong as how you feel....it might not be totally over? How you behave now will determine if she feels she can come back to you! "
No it really is over, I don't want to explain how or what happened as it wouldn't be appropriate, but it really is over indefinitely. And there's no longer a means for her to see my behavior even now anyway. Everything has been severed and closed for good. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'm sorry to say this but this doesn't ring true to me, it seems full of fantasy in certain parts, or embellishment. Reading this it seems very contrived. If I'm wrong I do apologise."
It's far from embellished or contrived, we had a very active sex life and we're very attracted to each other. Why in the hell would I want to make this up or embellish it? 
Is it because I'm a guy that this sort of thing can't happen? |
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"I'm sorry to say this but this doesn't ring true to me, it seems full of fantasy in certain parts, or embellishment. Reading this it seems very contrived. If I'm wrong I do apologise.
It's far from embellished or contrived, we had a very active sex life and we're very attracted to each other. Why in the hell would I want to make this up or embellish it?
Is it because I'm a guy that this sort of thing can't happen? "
I didn't say its because your a guy, im just telling you how it reads to me. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'm sorry to say this but this doesn't ring true to me, it seems full of fantasy in certain parts, or embellishment. Reading this it seems very contrived. If I'm wrong I do apologise.
It's far from embellished or contrived, we had a very active sex life and we're very attracted to each other. Why in the hell would I want to make this up or embellish it?
Is it because I'm a guy that this sort of thing can't happen?
I didn't say its because your a guy, im just telling you how it reads to me. "
Well there is nothing in what I wrote that is fantasy.
And I know you didn't say anything about me being a guy but I really don't understand how any of this is fantasy, why would I embellish what I experienced? To what end? |
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"I'm sorry to say this but this doesn't ring true to me, it seems full of fantasy in certain parts, or embellishment. Reading this it seems very contrived. If I'm wrong I do apologise.
It's far from embellished or contrived, we had a very active sex life and we're very attracted to each other. Why in the hell would I want to make this up or embellish it?
Is it because I'm a guy that this sort of thing can't happen?
I didn't say its because your a guy, im just telling you how it reads to me.
Well there is nothing in what I wrote that is fantasy.
And I know you didn't say anything about me being a guy but I really don't understand how any of this is fantasy, why would I embellish what I experienced? To what end? "
Now again please correct me if I'm wrong! I recall you publicly admitting to being narcissistic.
So a big narcissistic trait is attention and people will ( not saying this you btw, just pointing it, as a basis to my original comment) often seek attention.
To gain this attention, narcissists often use a “false self” that is likable to attract people to them.
This is why I used the terms contrived and or embellished. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'm sorry to say this but this doesn't ring true to me, it seems full of fantasy in certain parts, or embellishment. Reading this it seems very contrived. If I'm wrong I do apologise.
It's far from embellished or contrived, we had a very active sex life and we're very attracted to each other. Why in the hell would I want to make this up or embellish it?
Is it because I'm a guy that this sort of thing can't happen?
I didn't say its because your a guy, im just telling you how it reads to me.
Well there is nothing in what I wrote that is fantasy.
And I know you didn't say anything about me being a guy but I really don't understand how any of this is fantasy, why would I embellish what I experienced? To what end?
Now again please correct me if I'm wrong! I recall you publicly admitting to being narcissistic.
So a big narcissistic trait is attention and people will ( not saying this you btw, just pointing it, as a basis to my original comment) often seek attention.
To gain this attention, narcissists often use a “false self” that is likable to attract people to them.
This is why I used the terms contrived and or embellished."
I will correct you, it really did happen, we met the same day we got off the phone, and that was that, we were romantically involved.
I will give you credit for understanding narcissism and won't judge you poorly for doubting me, however I am very much aware of my narcissism and when I am being narcissistic or when I'm simply making conversation.
Am I seeking attention? No, I'd like to have discussions with people on any particular topic that interests me. This isn't some kind of brag thread or a means to get attention from women in my inbox. My profile certainly takes care of that.
I may be a narcissist but it's wrong to assume that every person with NPD falls into the typical traits and behaviors you see most often. I have always been honest as much as I can because it's very easy to fake and lie and get found out, and I certainly don't want to fall into that self humiliating trap. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"That’s sweet. Was it recent or have you been able to meet in person since?"
This was last year in June, we had a year long relationship the day we met in person which was the same day we got off the phone for 16 hours. I practically lived with her for most of it save needing to go back to my own place so I didn't lose my tenancy. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sex is everywhere. Chemistry isnt.
While it's a sex site essentially, we can still have that human connection, and I value that above all else. If it's not there then the sex is lifeless. "
i feel and say this all day long.  |
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I've met a few people here who I have felt very strongly about. We have talked about everything, serious and nonsense. The chat was rarely sexual in nature. We've video called each other clothed, topless, naked and it's made little difference to the conversation.
Was a amazing connection. One moved on to being a great friend, the other one suddenly decided it was all too much too fast, and fucked off. |
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"I'm sorry to say this but this doesn't ring true to me, it seems full of fantasy in certain parts, or embellishment. Reading this it seems very contrived. If I'm wrong I do apologise.
It's far from embellished or contrived, we had a very active sex life and we're very attracted to each other. Why in the hell would I want to make this up or embellish it?
Is it because I'm a guy that this sort of thing can't happen?
I didn't say its because your a guy, im just telling you how it reads to me.
Well there is nothing in what I wrote that is fantasy.
And I know you didn't say anything about me being a guy but I really don't understand how any of this is fantasy, why would I embellish what I experienced? To what end?
Now again please correct me if I'm wrong! I recall you publicly admitting to being narcissistic.
So a big narcissistic trait is attention and people will ( not saying this you btw, just pointing it, as a basis to my original comment) often seek attention.
To gain this attention, narcissists often use a “false self” that is likable to attract people to them.
This is why I used the terms contrived and or embellished.
I will correct you, it really did happen, we met the same day we got off the phone, and that was that, we were romantically involved.
I will give you credit for understanding narcissism and won't judge you poorly for doubting me, however I am very much aware of my narcissism and when I am being narcissistic or when I'm simply making conversation.
Am I seeking attention? No, I'd like to have discussions with people on any particular topic that interests me. This isn't some kind of brag thread or a means to get attention from women in my inbox. My profile certainly takes care of that.
I may be a narcissist but it's wrong to assume that every person with NPD falls into the typical traits and behaviors you see most often. I have always been honest as much as I can because it's very easy to fake and lie and get found out, and I certainly don't want to fall into that self humiliating trap."
If you care to re-read what I said, I never actually said you fall within any typical trait. I made it clear I wasent saying this you appears in the (). How's the 300mile trek going btw.
What I'm merely doing is sharing how it read to me. Which believe it or not isn't based on any judgement or preconceptions that may bias my perception. Its taken on face value, then appraised through that. And also having the ability to understand impilict and explicit meaning. That are contained within a set narrative presented to me.
The fact that you feel the need to state that your not 'judging me poorly' kind of tells me that you are!. I do wonder for who's benefit that is really for mine, yours or the wider audiences. As for me you can judge me poorly that's OK, I'm sure many many do, I alright with that!. |
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"I'm sorry to say this but this doesn't ring true to me, it seems full of fantasy in certain parts, or embellishment. Reading this it seems very contrived. If I'm wrong I do apologise.
It's far from embellished or contrived, we had a very active sex life and we're very attracted to each other. Why in the hell would I want to make this up or embellish it?
Is it because I'm a guy that this sort of thing can't happen?
I didn't say its because your a guy, im just telling you how it reads to me.
Well there is nothing in what I wrote that is fantasy.
And I know you didn't say anything about me being a guy but I really don't understand how any of this is fantasy, why would I embellish what I experienced? To what end?
Now again please correct me if I'm wrong! I recall you publicly admitting to being narcissistic.
So a big narcissistic trait is attention and people will ( not saying this you btw, just pointing it, as a basis to my original comment) often seek attention.
To gain this attention, narcissists often use a “false self” that is likable to attract people to them.
This is why I used the terms contrived and or embellished.
I will correct you, it really did happen, we met the same day we got off the phone, and that was that, we were romantically involved.
I will give you credit for understanding narcissism and won't judge you poorly for doubting me, however I am very much aware of my narcissism and when I am being narcissistic or when I'm simply making conversation.
Am I seeking attention? No, I'd like to have discussions with people on any particular topic that interests me. This isn't some kind of brag thread or a means to get attention from women in my inbox. My profile certainly takes care of that.
I may be a narcissist but it's wrong to assume that every person with NPD falls into the typical traits and behaviors you see most often. I have always been honest as much as I can because it's very easy to fake and lie and get found out, and I certainly don't want to fall into that self humiliating trap.
If you care to re-read what I said, I never actually said you fall within any typical trait. I made it clear I wasent saying this you appears in the (). How's the 300mile trek going btw.
What I'm merely doing is sharing how it read to me. Which believe it or not isn't based on any judgement or preconceptions that may bias my perception. Its taken on face value, then appraised through that. And also having the ability to understand impilict and explicit meaning. That are contained within a set narrative presented to me.
The fact that you feel the need to state that your not 'judging me poorly' kind of tells me that you are!. I do wonder for who's benefit that is really for mine, yours or the wider audiences. As for me you can judge me poorly that's OK, I'm sure many many do, I alright with that!."
Well this escalated quickly  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I've met a few people here who I have felt very strongly about. We have talked about everything, serious and nonsense. The chat was rarely sexual in nature. We've video called each other clothed, topless, naked and it's made little difference to the conversation.
Was a amazing connection. One moved on to being a great friend, the other one suddenly decided it was all too much too fast, and fucked off."
I guess I can kind of understand why one fucked off, not saying this is their reason, but for me if I were to come across that kind of connection any time in the near future I would get spooked too, I'm just not in the right headspace to be intimate with anyone and i need time to heal.
Good to hear that you and some others have similar experiences, because it really is a wonderful feeling, and I feel more people need to experience that to truly appreciate another human being sharing their body with yours. |
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I met someone on here years ago. The most unlikely match ever but we clicked sexually like no one else has ever come close to before or since. We were together for about 12 months and it was never going to go anywhere but was bliss whilst it lasted.
I live in hope that I’ll find it again and preferably with someone who it could actually go somewhere with. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I met someone on here years ago. The most unlikely match ever but we clicked sexually like no one else has ever come close to before or since. We were together for about 12 months and it was never going to go anywhere but was bliss whilst it lasted.
I live in hope that I’ll find it again and preferably with someone who it could actually go somewhere with. "
I hope you do too Clarissa, I know the reality is that it's gonna be many years before I find something close to what I had. But it's soul crushing to think of the possibility but it may never come around again. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Learn to let go.
“The fear of loss is a path to the dark side. Death is a natural part of life. Rejoice for those around you who transform into the Force. Mourn them do not. Miss them do not. Attachment leads to jealousy.
The shadow of greed that is. Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose.
Worrying about what we can't control and clinging to what we think is ours is wasted time and energy. The only constant in life is change. “Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter,” Master Yoda. |
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