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Third and final thread of the day...
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
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On the phone earlier I was talking to a friend about dating. She's very much in her jaded girl summer at the moment. Probably not helped by one of our topics.:D
And it's got me thinking about experiences. Whether that's on the forums, fab, dating, work, heck, even family life.
How do you stop yourself becoming cynical and jaded when you have negative experiences? Is it always a bad thing? Like if it was in small, sensibly cynical amount. :D
Do you find that over time you start to not trust people? Does your behaviour change after each one? Or do you try and remain open minded and open hearted?
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Hope you haven't had a recent bad experience Meli.
For me, after a bad experience I just get back on the horse ASAP ( not literally you pervs)
I have had some disappointments and there's been times I got moody as none of my friends ever chatted any more but i have to say iv been lucky and not had a really bad experience...yet
Just try to learn from any bad experience to reduce the chances it happens again |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
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"Hope you haven't had a recent bad experience Meli.
For me, after a bad experience I just get back on the horse ASAP ( not literally you pervs)
I have had some disappointments and there's been times I got moody as none of my friends ever chatted any more but i have to say iv been lucky and not had a really bad experience...yet
Just try to learn from any bad experience to reduce the chances it happens again "
Oh I'm good.  It was more the jaded girl summer had me pondering how we all respond differently to things. How people cope/deal.
You see it on the forums daily. So yes, musing out loud. 
Getting back on the horse can be good. Or under another person. |
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I think all of our experiences will colour how we process similar information in the future. More so when it's fresh and raw and bright, but however much time and therapy are involved, those experiences still happened. The memories fade but they're still there. And they'll still affect how you interpret the world however much reasoning and rationale you use to try and quell them.
I think I'm a mostly positive person. I'm guarded with new people for sure but I try not to let what happened before make me cold and hard and separate myself from other people entirely. And I'm mostly successful at it with the right people.
But there's always that little voice of experience, ready to pull me down in a spiral of self loathing over the fact I even considered that of someone who I know truly cares about me  |
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I made it through the first 55 years of life rarely feeling jaded and never even slightly cynical.
The last 3 years or so have been very different and I've become cynical simply because of the stab their granny for attention actions of others I've witnessed on here.
That cynicism is purely restricted to fab and doesn't extend beyond these walls.
I have been jaded for the last 18 months for non fab reasons and it's like wading through quicksand every day. |
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"On the phone earlier I was talking to a friend about dating. She's very much in her jaded girl summer at the moment. Probably not helped by one of our topics.:D
And it's got me thinking about experiences. Whether that's on the forums, fab, dating, work, heck, even family life.
How do you stop yourself becoming cynical and jaded when you have negative experiences? Is it always a bad thing? Like if it was in small, sensibly cynical amount. :D
Do you find that over time you start to not trust people? Does your behaviour change after each one? Or do you try and remain open minded and open hearted?
"
There an easy solution to this melli you get invoiled
With a much older man who has the wisdom and experience
To enable empower you to put any negertive experience you've had in the past in the shade to have new and outlook forward thinking way of seeing things and embracing things a new . because you know your respected cherish and valued by this man . |
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I think everyone has bad and good experiences but it’s how you deal with them both makes a difference to your mental state.
For instance me and my brother had the same upbringing but his experiences as a kid were different to how I seen them and reacted to them. We were chalk and cheese in the way we dealt with things.
Some people can be overly positive and some people can wear that negative badge like they own it.
Being on here does expose you to more cynicism due to the people who lie, cheat, be negative about their FAB experience but there’s also plenty of good people and vibes on here too.
Everyone can read the same thing and react to it differently and your mood can also change how you view someone/something.
K |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The thread police will be along soon. Because there should be a limit.
Fuck it. No. There shouldn't be. Say fuck it and post what you like Pickle. "
I put it to you that Mr Pickle posts more threads then you Meli, therefore if the 'thread police' are going to be along soon, he had better lock his door and stay hiden under the bed  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Life it is what it is.. Good bad however we interpret our life.
Mine is not discussable.
Cynical nope
Jaded nope
Always look on the bright side the right side. |
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It's bloody hard work, or it has been in my instance. Went from an abusive childhood more or less straight into an abusive relationship. And not to think all people are evil fuckers is hard. But it's not impossible.
I have my moments where something will trigger me into thinking everyone is out to get you. But you learn to not seek the negative, because when you do you'll find it easily. Guess you have to learn your own value and that you are important to others, even if it's just one person. |
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I don't trust anyone, other than myself 100%
I'm a survivor and I won't give that up for anyone, If I expect poor behaviour from people, I'm not surprised when they prove me right. As long as I stick to "the only persons actions you should control are my own" I am happy |
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By *lexV16Man
over a year ago
Welling |
I don’t trust people too much but I have very low expectations on new people I meet. So if one appear not as in profile or stand me up or change the plan last minute I’ll just have a smile and spend good time on my own (yeah, I always lan meets in the way that if it’s no show or not what I am told I’d know how to entertain myself). I set dates or meets at my fav cafes, places etc.
That said, I’ll not give a second chance most probably will treat that as my loss.
I don’t like cynical and negative people to be honest. I’d never approach someone having cynical notes on profile here or cynical attitude in real life. If I am approached by such person I’ll say my polite thanks you aren’t my type without sharing explanation why.
Stay positive all, enjoy life  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The thread police will be along soon. Because there should be a limit.
Fuck it. No. There shouldn't be. Say fuck it and post what you like Pickle.
I put it to you that Mr Pickle posts more threads then you Meli, therefore if the 'thread police' are going to be along soon, he had better lock his door and stay hiden under the bed "
Oooo. You’re ard. |
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By *edeWoman
over a year ago
the abyss |
I wouldn't say cynical but there is a certain amount of wall reinforcement that goes on around my heart. Takes a while to take it down but my god I'm an expert at building it within seconds |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
It’s hard really. It depends on your headspace at the time. Sometimes it feels like it’s all rejection rejection and it’s down to you and the self loathing starts, and then you give yourself a slap and read an interesting post on Instagram that shows that actually, dating these days is bloody hard work.
And I think dating has changed. I think now more folk are open to different types of relationships which you would think makes it easier, but it doesn’t, it makes it harder because……choice!!
Gah. I am a hopeful romantic, but I have now accepted that if I’m meant to date someone then somehow it will just happen. Fate WILL find a way. But I’ve also accepted that if it doesn’t, that I’m ok with that. I’ve made my peace with it all.
I’m buggered if I’m going to look for romance. That just doesn’t work (for me).
So yeah. Dating is hard. Never mind keeping a relationship going once you get past the dating stage.
I’d like to think I’m not cynical about it, just realistic. But I may be delusional? At this point I just don’t know!
Apologies for waffling.
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I think I'm a mixed bag, I can be very cynical, but I'm forever hopeful.
It's just difficult with some (not all) men... It's like they have a script of how to behave and set play of how things should work.
I've been really hurt, in many different ways.
I love the fact that these days we have the internet and there is so much information out there about relationships, red flags, abuse etc. And people talk more openly about what's healthy and not.
I've gained more confidence as I've got older too and will confront people over their behaviour, whereas before I'd just accept it and think maybe I was the problem, I also don't have an issue just cutting them off.
Obviously I'm still straight so haven't been put off men completely.
My heart will always be open, because I'm a caring soul who has a lot of love to give.
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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago
Derry |
"On the phone earlier I was talking to a friend about dating. She's very much in her jaded girl summer at the moment. Probably not helped by one of our topics.:D
And it's got me thinking about experiences. Whether that's on the forums, fab, dating, work, heck, even family life.
How do you stop yourself becoming cynical and jaded when you have negative experiences? Is it always a bad thing? Like if it was in small, sensibly cynical amount. :D
Do you find that over time you start to not trust people? Does your behaviour change after each one? Or do you try and remain open minded and open hearted?
"
Try and view events as discrete for a start. That's not always easy because sometimes there's a run of events that don't work out. And that run of events might have me as the only common denominator.
If it's getting to me,then I need to step back. I wasn't always this way but I am pretty resilient.
The fab experience can be something of a rollercoaster. That requires a bit of distance from it. Does that stop the hits? Nope but it helps.
As far as people outside of fab is concerned I do my best to keep my expectations realistic. |
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"On the phone earlier I was talking to a friend about dating. She's very much in her jaded girl summer at the moment. Probably not helped by one of our topics.:D
And it's got me thinking about experiences. Whether that's on the forums, fab, dating, work, heck, even family life.
How do you stop yourself becoming cynical and jaded when you have negative experiences? Is it always a bad thing? Like if it was in small, sensibly cynical amount. :D
Do you find that over time you start to not trust people? Does your behaviour change after each one? Or do you try and remain open minded and open hearted?
"
I'd love to say that I'm an optimistic kinda guy sadly I'm not.
My motto is.
Hope for the best, expect the worst.
Mrs is very much the sees the best in everyone I'm the complete opposite.
So between the two of us we kinda have it spot on |
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"On the phone earlier I was talking to a friend about dating. She's very much in her jaded girl summer at the moment. Probably not helped by one of our topics.:D
And it's got me thinking about experiences. Whether that's on the forums, fab, dating, work, heck, even family life.
How do you stop yourself becoming cynical and jaded when you have negative experiences? Is it always a bad thing? Like if it was in small, sensibly cynical amount. :D
Do you find that over time you start to not trust people? Does your behaviour change after each one? Or do you try and remain open minded and open hearted?
"
The last five years life has thrown us a few bad curve balls with family and quite a few friends passing away. Only thing that kept us on track was each other, our amazing friends and family and focusing on the good things we have. Every one gets ups and downs in life it's how you rise up after falling down that defines you not how you fall. |
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Based on the OP, I take people exactly as they are and either accept them, or avoid them.
Obviously interactions will affect how you feel, but really if people behave badly in any way, cut them out of your life, forget them. Move on. They are not for you.
Allowing other peoples bad behaviour to impact your life is unhealthy and thankfully I have no fear of being alone, very happy with my own company so twats, wankspangles and general idiots can just take it elsewhere.
Dating and site specific interactions are limited at my stage of life, but the few I enjoy make me happy because they are what I want with people whose behaviour is decent.
You have to shovel a lot of dirt to find gold. |
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By *essaMayWoman
over a year ago
Fairytale Wood |
You can't, becoming jaded is a result of experience.
We don't live in a perfect world, we get far more negative experiences in life than positive. Book Of Faces, people post mostly positive experiences because for a lot of people image is very important.
People try to portray an image here which they hope will appeal.
forums in FAB is about image and how you want people to perceive you,
Longer your exposed to this the more Jaded you get, just a fact of life. 
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