FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Giving it a chance...
Giving it a chance...
Jump to: Newest in thread
 |
By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
You're meeting someone for coffee but their train has hit a cow. Unlikely isn't it? It happens though.
How many chances do you give to people? Whether it's behaviour you don't like, cancelling coffees etc. Where do you draw the line? Is there a line or is it more situational? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"You're meeting someone for coffee but their train has hit a cow. Unlikely isn't it? It happens though.
How many chances do you give to people? Whether it's behaviour you don't like, cancelling coffees etc. Where do you draw the line? Is there a line or is it more situational?"
I don't give second chances anymore. Someone would really have to go some to get a second chance. But I usually block after the first.
But I've stopped bothering with any of it for the most part anyway. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"You're meeting someone for coffee but their train has hit a cow. Unlikely isn't it? It happens though.
How many chances do you give to people? Whether it's behaviour you don't like, cancelling coffees etc. Where do you draw the line? Is there a line or is it more situational?"
Not as unlikely as it seems hitting a cow however anyone and everyone gets only one chance with me, if they fail to attend a second arrangement they’re dead to me haha   |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Depends on the excuse and if I believe it or not, the train I could Google to check delays if there was some if rebook if not then I'd block.
In usually a 3 strikes and your out, unless it's an obvious lie then I wouldn't go past 1.
Mrs |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"For most internet random people, just 1
I'm not a fan of people who are incapable of sticking to a straightforward plan"
Random people. Yes, there's a difference if they're friends or family, I imagine most of us are more... I want to say lenient but not sure that's the right word! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Away for Christmas |
All varies. How long have we been chatting? How well do I know them?
If it's been a briefish pre contact then I'm less forgiving, though I will give second chances. Shit happens and gets in the way.
It would be mighty hypocritical of me to slam somebody with a "ban hammer" if I suddenly have to cancel/whatever for a valid excuse but expect them to be okay with it if I had to do the same.
But going back to how well and extensive the pre meet stuff has gone, multiple chances are given, usually because I know more about their hectic life or how honest they are - okay we don't truely know how honest anyone really is but you get what I'm saying. I have a better feel for somebody I've interacted with through messages and forum over weeks/months/years than I do for somebody who just popped up a few days ago. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"You're meeting someone for coffee but their train has hit a cow. Unlikely isn't it? It happens though.
How many chances do you give to people? Whether it's behaviour you don't like, cancelling coffees etc. Where do you draw the line? Is there a line or is it more situational?"
One chance only.
Same goes for me, i play fair.
I believe , what gets done to us by others,is what we allow them to do. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Depends on how well we've been clicking beforehand. I'd probably plan any future social around already needing to go to town though, so it's not a wasted trip when they forget they need to walk their parrot
LvM |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"You're meeting someone for coffee but their train has hit a cow. Unlikely isn't it? It happens though.
How many chances do you give to people? Whether it's behaviour you don't like, cancelling coffees etc. Where do you draw the line? Is there a line or is it more situational?
I don't give second chances anymore. Someone would really have to go some to get a second chance. But I usually block after the first.
But I've stopped bothering with any of it for the most part anyway. "
Ah this is Fab related, yes? Blocking is sensible I think. Hard to do sometimes but if it's not happening, why prolong things?
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
It's dependant on a few different factors.
How invested am I already? Completely new person might get a second chance if I was really keen before the flake, longer term relationships more likely to get more leeway depending on the dynamics.
How much do I really care about that last minute cancel? If it turns out I'm genuinely not bothered about a last minute flake, I'm probably not bothered about rearranging it either.
Is this a pattern? Was the back of my brain more waiting to hear the excuse than my forebrain was excited to see them?
Is the reason valid? Reasonable? Communicated at an acceptable time in the circumstances?
I tend to be more forgiving than I should. More than once I've realised that when I should have been excitedly getting ready to go meet someone I was half heartedly going through the essentials just in case it did happen and really just dreading the eventual "Sorry I can't make it." I'm trying to get a bit more of a backbone on that one. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I think it depends on how they are afterwards too. If they are still the interesting and interested person as before, I’m more open.
I thought cows ate grass rather than leaves? There are always leaves on the line, I think they import them in springtime  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"Depend if i really wanted to meet them….probably no more than three but I’m trusting…"
It's not a bad thing to be trusting though. I think it's a lovely trait. Sure, it can be naive at times but I don't know. I'm going to try and keep my trusting nature and not become cynical (although healthy cynicism isn't a bad thing blah blah blah). |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"You're meeting someone for coffee but their train has hit a cow. Unlikely isn't it? It happens though.
How many chances do you give to people? Whether it's behaviour you don't like, cancelling coffees etc. Where do you draw the line? Is there a line or is it more situational?
Not as unlikely as it seems hitting a cow however anyone and everyone gets only one chance with me, if they fail to attend a second arrangement they’re dead to me haha "
Cows can cause serious disruptions to the best cocktail plans. It happens. Then you're stuck on a train for almost two hours hoping they believe you.
 |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"You're meeting someone for coffee but their train has hit a cow. Unlikely isn't it? It happens though.
How many chances do you give to people? Whether it's behaviour you don't like, cancelling coffees etc. Where do you draw the line? Is there a line or is it more situational?"
Next time it happens to you let me know i don't even like coffee but I'll come . |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
People here can make excuses for not meeting. Are they feasable? Do you trust people here enough to believe their cock and bull, op?
Think the train guy had a cowslip moment and udderly did not want cream pie
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"You're meeting someone for coffee but their train has hit a cow. Unlikely isn't it? It happens though.
How many chances do you give to people? Whether it's behaviour you don't like, cancelling coffees etc. Where do you draw the line? Is there a line or is it more situational?"
That will be on the local travel news. If so it’s a genuine reason and I’d be happy to re arrange, however if it’s not a true story I’d block them as they can’t tell the truth. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"You're meeting someone for coffee but their train has hit a cow. Unlikely isn't it? It happens though.
How many chances do you give to people? Whether it's behaviour you don't like, cancelling coffees etc. Where do you draw the line? Is there a line or is it more situational?"
How is the cow ? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *TG3Man
over a year ago
Dorchester |
"You're meeting someone for coffee but their train has hit a cow. Unlikely isn't it? It happens though.
How many chances do you give to people? Whether it's behaviour you don't like, cancelling coffees etc. Where do you draw the line? Is there a line or is it more situational?"
No that happened to me once 4 and a half hours later but luckily i had made the date quite a lot later so was about half an hour late but was in contact with her and i didn't have a date but again a cow had got on the line but we were on the train that first spotted it so they shut the line down after we had gone past it  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"You're meeting someone for coffee but their train has hit a cow. Unlikely isn't it? It happens though.
How many chances do you give to people? Whether it's behaviour you don't like, cancelling coffees etc. Where do you draw the line? Is there a line or is it more situational?
How is the cow ?"
It was hit by a train... the cow now occupies 100ft of railway |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
If she is a 'fickle flake fuckwit' with a potential tendancy to waste my time then just one chance. That's one more chance than she deserves because, being a hopeless romantic, I live with eternal hope.
If she's a lady of substance then I would give her equal proportions of courtesy and chances.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Really depends on the realship with sed person and what sed person means to me
For instance sister she could cancel plans on me a billion times and I still be there at a moments notice
If say it was a friend maybe the first 4-5 times then maybe have to sit down and have a talk with them ither in person over the phone or by text explaining that that’s the 4th time they cancelled on me and that I am not ok with it and that we can still be friends but feel we not as close as we were so maybe little time apart ie I leave you alone for a month or 2 then random text you to see how things are and if you like a catch up if no text back or missed again it’s ok I get the hint we drifted apart as friends that’s ok I still say hello if I see you in social settings or passing or in the supermarket but don’t be calling me up asking for a favour like can I dog sit while your out on a hot date or something
Fwb would maybe give them 2-3 chance but also make it clear to them that I was also seeing other people so they get the hint look if your not bang me chris will be over doing the job
If it’s just a FB then 1s in a blue moon I understand things crop up so can be forgiven but you missed one plans better not miss the next 6-7 plans or it’s on to the next
First meet / one night stand deal
1 chance and 1 only miss it I never set up another chance again
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"Depends on the excuse and if I believe it or not, the train I could Google to check delays if there was some if rebook if not then I'd block.
In usually a 3 strikes and your out, unless it's an obvious lie then I wouldn't go past 1.
Mrs "
Why is it three? Three strikes and out is something I believe in but why the number three? It's a bit random isn't it? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Depends on the excuse and if I believe it or not, the train I could Google to check delays if there was some if rebook if not then I'd block.
In usually a 3 strikes and your out, unless it's an obvious lie then I wouldn't go past 1.
Mrs
Why is it three? Three strikes and out is something I believe in but why the number three? It's a bit random isn't it? "
It's baseball thing I think |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"I'm happy to give people chances.
But of course it depends on how interested in them I am and how they go about letting me down.
"
Yes. How it's handled is a big thing isn't it? If Bob cancelled last minute and then you found out they were fucking Marg, you might be less than amused.
I think how invested we are in something definitely plays in to how we feel about it. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Tbh if they’ve got as far as being on a train that’s hit a cow, could they not wait to be rescued and get the next train? Depends on the excuse I suppose, if it’s half arsed I wouldn’t bother again but if it sounds believable and they’re making arrangements soon I’d say yes |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *hoirCouple
over a year ago
Clacton/Bury St. Edmunds |
"You're meeting someone for coffee but their train has hit a cow. Unlikely isn't it? It happens though.
How many chances do you give to people? Whether it's behaviour you don't like, cancelling coffees etc. Where do you draw the line? Is there a line or is it more situational?"
Just the one unless I like them.
I'd give you a few Meli.
C |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"You're meeting someone for coffee but their train has hit a cow. Unlikely isn't it? It happens though.
How many chances do you give to people? Whether it's behaviour you don't like, cancelling coffees etc. Where do you draw the line? Is there a line or is it more situational?"
Situation dependent. Some I'd give multiple chances, some only 1.
I've let you down for a coffee multiple times and don't deserve any more chances. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I was once stuck outside city centre, there was multi road works and sat nav just kept taking me from 1 roadworks to another roadworks without getting me to the location. I even asked a cop and he gave me like 5 minutes of directions which I forgot haha.
I was talking both phone and text and sending pics of the stuff I was dealing with. So crazy stuff can happen, I guess If the person's story is totally random and seems unlikely, I'm 3 strikes and out, the 3rd strike I'm not putting all the effort in like I do for the first. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"All varies. How long have we been chatting? How well do I know them?
If it's been a briefish pre contact then I'm less forgiving, though I will give second chances. Shit happens and gets in the way.
It would be mighty hypocritical of me to slam somebody with a "ban hammer" if I suddenly have to cancel/whatever for a valid excuse but expect them to be okay with it if I had to do the same.
But going back to how well and extensive the pre meet stuff has gone, multiple chances are given, usually because I know more about their hectic life or how honest they are - okay we don't truely know how honest anyone really is but you get what I'm saying. I have a better feel for somebody I've interacted with through messages and forum over weeks/months/years than I do for somebody who just popped up a few days ago. "
Ah you're really quite rational Kai, I do enjoy reading your posts.
Yes, life does happen and I think when it does, we'd all like to think others would be more forgiving of us.
I think the more you know and understand someone, the more you're going to give them chances. Probably because you care more. They're more fleshed out if that makes sense? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"You're meeting someone for coffee but their train has hit a cow. Unlikely isn't it? It happens though.
How many chances do you give to people? Whether it's behaviour you don't like, cancelling coffees etc. Where do you draw the line? Is there a line or is it more situational?
How is the cow ?
It was hit by a train... the cow now occupies 100ft of railway "
Erm... the cow didn't make it. My friendship with the person I cancelled last minute on it? Yep. It's good. I'm hoping they read this and can laugh about the first awful experience. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Depends on the excuse and if I believe it or not, the train I could Google to check delays if there was some if rebook if not then I'd block.
In usually a 3 strikes and your out, unless it's an obvious lie then I wouldn't go past 1.
Mrs
Why is it three? Three strikes and out is something I believe in but why the number three? It's a bit random isn't it? "
Yeah I guess so but plans change, emergencies happen, family happens, friends happen all which I'd priorities over a meet if needed, so I get it only if I believe they genuinely couldn't make it, after a few times then no I'm done, my time is precious I won't have it wasted.
It's probably because of the saying but if it was 1 excuse I didn't believe it knew was a lie they wouldn't get another 2 chances.
Mrs |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"As of recently I have given too many opportunities to someone that has proven to not deserve them…so, back to my usual bitchy self and not giving second chances  "
You're not being a bitch if you're protecting yourself Cherry. That's really important to know. It's good to break destructive patterns of behaviour, x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"As of recently I have given too many opportunities to someone that has proven to not deserve them…so, back to my usual bitchy self and not giving second chances
You're not being a bitch if you're protecting yourself Cherry. That's really important to know. It's good to break destructive patterns of behaviour, x"
Thank you Meli, hopefully I will not fall into those again. I really need to start practicing self preservation |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"You're meeting someone for coffee but their train has hit a cow. Unlikely isn't it? It happens though.
How many chances do you give to people? Whether it's behaviour you don't like, cancelling coffees etc. Where do you draw the line? Is there a line or is it more situational?
Situation dependent. Some I'd give multiple chances, some only 1.
I've let you down for a coffee multiple times and don't deserve any more chances. "
I've been racking my brain and I don't think you have! Don't worry. Multiple times would make my face scrunch up a bit and I'd probably go for coffee with someone else though. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Came to comment mostly on the cow and train situation.
It actually happened to me when I was on the train going back home from visiting my sister in different town.
The train was held for hours while the situation was “dealt” with. Kind of.
Second chances? I have given a few, but those were the people I wanted to meet probably more than they wanted to meet me.
Never again. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
