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Coffee and assumptions
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I confess to being a little perplexed at how an offer to meet socially for a coffee can be interpreted in so many ways.
Had few hours free this morning between finishing work and getting my bus, so thought I'd see if anyone fancied joining me for coffee / chat.
Meet in 'spoons, grab coffee (other beverages available), have chat. Full stop. Very clear, or so I thought.
Got 9 DMs
Single male 1. Assumes I'll be going back to his place afterwards for 'fun:
Single male 2. Suggests meeting at his for coffee.
Single male 3. Assumes I'd go to his hotel room for breakfast. Gets abusive when I ask him why he's agreed to a meet and then tried changing agreement.
Single male 4. No show
Single male 5. No show
So gle male 6. Thinks I need to see picture of his dick, so I can 'suck it later'
Couple 1. Send me dick pics and photos of random cock hanging out of random cunt. Excuse is that they are d*unk
Couple 2. Suggest picking me up to go to theirs for coffee, then throw hissy fit when I refuse.
So, am I missing something here? Or are people that ignorant that they think rules don't apply to them!
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I'm not that bothered, and certainly not upset or in any way put out. I had a very nice breakfast and several coffees. I didn't go out of my way. I was already in the area with time to kill.
I rarely do meets outside organised socials, and this is a reminder why.
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"I'm not that bothered, and certainly not upset or in any way put out. I had a very nice breakfast and several coffees. I didn't go out of my way. I was already in the area with time to kill.
I rarely do meets outside organised socials, and this is a reminder why.
"
Did you not guess that a meet now request on a Sunday morning would most likely appeal to hornbags and chancers? |
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"I confess to being a little perplexed at how an offer to meet socially for a coffee can be interpreted in so many ways.
Had few hours free this morning between finishing work and getting my bus, so thought I'd see if anyone fancied joining me for coffee / chat.
Meet in 'spoons, grab coffee (other beverages available), have chat. Full stop. Very clear, or so I thought.
Got 9 DMs
Single male 1. Assumes I'll be going back to his place afterwards for 'fun:
Single male 2. Suggests meeting at his for coffee.
Single male 3. Assumes I'd go to his hotel room for breakfast. Gets abusive when I ask him why he's agreed to a meet and then tried changing agreement.
Single male 4. No show
Single male 5. No show
So gle male 6. Thinks I need to see picture of his dick, so I can 'suck it later'
Couple 1. Send me dick pics and photos of random cock hanging out of random cunt. Excuse is that they are d*unk
Couple 2. Suggest picking me up to go to theirs for coffee, then throw hissy fit when I refuse.
So, am I missing something here? Or are people that ignorant that they think rules don't apply to them!
"
It’s because this site is full of people who believe it’s a sex site, or they think they are swingers because they’ve watched programs like open house.
Like anything, it’s full of people who have no idea.
Hope you got the coffee! |
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"I'm not that bothered, and certainly not upset or in any way put out. I had a very nice breakfast and several coffees. I didn't go out of my way. I was already in the area with time to kill.
I rarely do meets outside organised socials, and this is a reminder why.
Did you not guess that a meet now request on a Sunday morning would most likely appeal to hornbags and chancers?"
Had hoped it would be slightly too late for the 'horny tonight' crowd, and slightly too early for the 'sunday lay-in with horn' group.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sometimes all we ever want is a coffee and a chat and it is more difficult than you would believe, maybe it's the part of the country where we live.
Sorry to hear of your shit experience OP."
No matter what part of the country its become the norm for both sexes. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I confess to being a little perplexed at how an offer to meet socially for a coffee can be interpreted in so many ways.
Had few hours free this morning between finishing work and getting my bus, so thought I'd see if anyone fancied joining me for coffee / chat.
Meet in 'spoons, grab coffee (other beverages available), have chat. Full stop. Very clear, or so I thought.
Got 9 DMs
Single male 1. Assumes I'll be going back to his place afterwards for 'fun:
Single male 2. Suggests meeting at his for coffee.
Single male 3. Assumes I'd go to his hotel room for breakfast. Gets abusive when I ask him why he's agreed to a meet and then tried changing agreement.
Single male 4. No show
Single male 5. No show
So gle male 6. Thinks I need to see picture of his dick, so I can 'suck it later'
Couple 1. Send me dick pics and photos of random cock hanging out of random cunt. Excuse is that they are d*unk
Couple 2. Suggest picking me up to go to theirs for coffee, then throw hissy fit when I refuse.
So, am I missing something here? Or are people that ignorant that they think rules don't apply to them!
"
So do u still fancy a coffee then or what? Lol x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's a two way street. It can definitely be interpreted by both sexes, that mentality is not exclusive to men, although men are much more direct and often stupidly to the point. |
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"Tbh most people not on this site to grab a coffee "
And that's fine. But if that's what someone is offering, and it's not your thing, go and find someone offering what you seek. Don't assume the person making the offer is seeking anything else.
Also, I've met plenty of people for coffee from this site. |
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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago
yumsville |
"Anyone able to meet at 9am, within (I'd guess) 1/2hr - 1hr on a Sunday would be marriage material
I agree, which is why I put the meet up 12hrs in advance."
Wellll I'll go suck my own dick and pop a tangerine in  |
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"Tbh most people not on this site to grab a coffee "
A coffee can be an opener for other things.
For me it's a final check to see if someone is a psychopath/respects my boundaries before I'll go further |
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A social is a social, no sense in trying to change the deal beforehand because it may not be what the person wants (as you, OP), or has time for. Now if someone turned up for the agreed coffee, and then you both decided that you'd quite like to tear each other's clothes off, that's different... maybe not in the middle of Costa though
LvM |
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What I find incredible is how not one person replied with a polite and sincere desire to join you for a coffee.
Maybe all the good people thought the offer was too good to be true and didn't bother. |
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"A social is a social, no sense in trying to change the deal beforehand because it may not be what the person wants (as you, OP), or has time for. Now if someone turned up for the agreed coffee, and then you both decided that you'd quite like to tear each other's clothes off, that's different... maybe not in the middle of Costa though
LvM"
I've had unsolicited messages to the effect of "I'm going to come to your place and I'm going to have coffee and then"
I wasn't even looking for anything and even if I want, the "cannot accommodate" might be a clue! |
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"A social is a social, no sense in trying to change the deal beforehand because it may not be what the person wants (as you, OP), or has time for. Now if someone turned up for the agreed coffee, and then you both decided that you'd quite like to tear each other's clothes off, that's different... maybe not in the middle of Costa though
LvM
I've had unsolicited messages to the effect of "I'm going to come to your place and I'm going to have coffee and then"
I wasn't even looking for anything and even if I want, the "cannot accommodate" might be a clue!"
I've never understood strangers thinking it's okay, and expecting, to just come to where you live 
LvM |
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By *cott14Man
over a year ago
Essex & SW Exeter/Taunton |
With any type of meet up . No preconceptions unless agreed prior .
I put a meet up for a social tomorrow and was literally an coffee / wine with no other agenda and been inundated with chaps taking it for granted I wanted to go to theirs ( even though I don’t meet chaps as per my profile )
Frustrating sometimes x |
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I was chatting to someone last night, suggested a social, to be told I'd expect 'more'. Nope, I really was just suggesting a social. If it leads to more later, so be it, but that wasn't my intention at all  |
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"Tbh most people not on this site to grab a coffee
A coffee can be an opener for other things.
For me it's a final check to see if someone is a psychopath/respects my boundaries before I'll go further "
I like tea, not coffee though! I guess that’s me ruled out |
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"Tbh most people not on this site to grab a coffee
A coffee can be an opener for other things.
For me it's a final check to see if someone is a psychopath/respects my boundaries before I'll go further
I like tea, not coffee though! I guess that’s me ruled out "
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I was chatting to someone last night, suggested a social, to be told I'd expect 'more'. Nope, I really was just suggesting a social. If it leads to more later, so be it, but that wasn't my intention at all "
Same here. They thought I would meet after a few texts on here. Another one wants to meet today too. Like you no interest in sometime soon with anyone. |
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"I was chatting to someone last night, suggested a social, to be told I'd expect 'more'. Nope, I really was just suggesting a social. If it leads to more later, so be it, but that wasn't my intention at all
Same here. They thought I would meet after a few texts on here. Another one wants to meet today too. Like you no interest in sometime soon with anyone. "
I'm a social kind of guy. Photos are deceptive, as are peoples online persona. I like to meet people in the flesh first |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I confess to being a little perplexed at how an offer to meet socially for a coffee can be interpreted in so many ways.
Had few hours free this morning between finishing work and getting my bus, so thought I'd see if anyone fancied joining me for coffee / chat.
Meet in 'spoons, grab coffee (other beverages available), have chat. Full stop. Very clear, or so I thought.
Got 9 DMs
Single male 1. Assumes I'll be going back to his place afterwards for 'fun:
Single male 2. Suggests meeting at his for coffee.
Single male 3. Assumes I'd go to his hotel room for breakfast. Gets abusive when I ask him why he's agreed to a meet and then tried changing agreement.
Single male 4. No show
Single male 5. No show
So gle male 6. Thinks I need to see picture of his dick, so I can 'suck it later'
Couple 1. Send me dick pics and photos of random cock hanging out of random cunt. Excuse is that they are d*unk
Couple 2. Suggest picking me up to go to theirs for coffee, then throw hissy fit when I refuse.
So, am I missing something here? Or are people that ignorant that they think rules don't apply to them!
"
No, you're not missing anything there. People are simply people who interpret how they think what you mean by coffee date or social only is an alternative way if asking for "fun".
The results of which you have experienced, are now the alternative filters . |
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I dunno, I've met people for a stone house buffet breakfast before now, met for coffee, you meet on those terms.
Like it or not, most generally meet those who want to ummm get freaky with, so you always ponder what could be. However seems you had a finite window or time, so at best replies could hope it lead to future meets, or they was around and bored but think you won the stupid people jackpot there. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If anyone invites me for a coffee, then I'll try to make it explicitly clear that's all it'll be. I've prepared myself mentally for a coffee and a chat and that's as ar as I'm going with it. I can't be arsed for the mental gymnastics of a going for a coffee, but it could be more mentality |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I confess to being a little perplexed at how an offer to meet socially for a coffee can be interpreted in so many ways.
Had few hours free this morning between finishing work and getting my bus, so thought I'd see if anyone fancied joining me for coffee / chat.
Meet in 'spoons, grab coffee (other beverages available), have chat. Full stop. Very clear, or so I thought.
Got 9 DMs
Single male 1. Assumes I'll be going back to his place afterwards for 'fun:
Single male 2. Suggests meeting at his for coffee.
Single male 3. Assumes I'd go to his hotel room for breakfast. Gets abusive when I ask him why he's agreed to a meet and then tried changing agreement.
Single male 4. No show
Single male 5. No show
So gle male 6. Thinks I need to see picture of his dick, so I can 'suck it later'
Couple 1. Send me dick pics and photos of random cock hanging out of random cunt. Excuse is that they are d*unk
Couple 2. Suggest picking me up to go to theirs for coffee, then throw hissy fit when I refuse.
So, am I missing something here? Or are people that ignorant that they think rules don't apply to them!
"
omg so much this! Exactly the issues I’ve been having got to laugh I guess! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I confess to being a little perplexed at how an offer to meet socially for a coffee can be interpreted in so many ways.
Had few hours free this morning between finishing work and getting my bus, so thought I'd see if anyone fancied joining me for coffee / chat.
Meet in 'spoons, grab coffee (other beverages available), have chat. Full stop. Very clear, or so I thought.
Got 9 DMs
Single male 1. Assumes I'll be going back to his place afterwards for 'fun:
Single male 2. Suggests meeting at his for coffee.
Single male 3. Assumes I'd go to his hotel room for breakfast. Gets abusive when I ask him why he's agreed to a meet and then tried changing agreement.
Single male 4. No show
Single male 5. No show
So gle male 6. Thinks I need to see picture of his dick, so I can 'suck it later'
Couple 1. Send me dick pics and photos of random cock hanging out of random cunt. Excuse is that they are d*unk
Couple 2. Suggest picking me up to go to theirs for coffee, then throw hissy fit when I refuse.
So, am I missing something here? Or are people that ignorant that they think rules don't apply to them!
"
Haha the wonderful world of fab.
Sometimes if you even answer a single males message they take it as a certain fuck lol.
Then they get abusive.
Just had one like that.
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"Tbh most people not on this site to grab a coffee
A coffee can be an opener for other things.
For me it's a final check to see if someone is a psychopath/respects my boundaries before I'll go further "
Yeah that’s fair |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The interpretation is "I want". What you want doesn't matter because you've given them an opening for what they want "
This totally hits the nail on the head for me! And I don't think it's a fab thing either! I've learned the hard way, back in my young and green early 20's that 'coffee' should never be expected to mean just coffee! You can be as clear as you like. If the other person wants more, you have to be on your guard! |
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By *adyJayneWoman
over a year ago
Burnleyish (She/They) |
"These people have bizarre priorities. Coffee is far more important than sex"
Indeed. Although I'd be likely to suggest a locally owned coffee shop as an alternative, not out of disrespect to the OP but because a) I like good coffee and b) I avoid spoons if at all possible. (they screwed several friends over with COVID/lockdown) |
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"If anyone invites me for a coffee, then I'll try to make it explicitly clear that's all it'll be. I've prepared myself mentally for a coffee and a chat and that's as ar as I'm going with it. I can't be arsed for the mental gymnastics of a going for a coffee, but it could be more mentality"
So a more direct approach... voulez vous couche avec moi ce soi??  is better? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I'm not that bothered, and certainly not upset or in any way put out. I had a very nice breakfast and several coffees. I didn't go out of my way. I was already in the area with time to kill.
I rarely do meets outside organised socials, and this is a reminder why.
Did you not guess that a meet now request on a Sunday morning would most likely appeal to hornbags and chancers?
Had hoped it would be slightly too late for the 'horny tonight' crowd, and slightly too early for the 'sunday lay-in with horn' group. "
I love this positivity! |
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By *ndycoinsMan
over a year ago
Whaley Bridge,Nr Buxton, |
"I confess to being a little perplexed at how an offer to meet socially for a coffee can be interpreted in so many ways.
Had few hours free this morning between finishing work and getting my bus, so thought I'd see if anyone fancied joining me for coffee / chat.
Meet in 'spoons, grab coffee (other beverages available), have chat. Full stop. Very clear, or so I thought.
Got 9 DMs
Single male 1. Assumes I'll be going back to his place afterwards for 'fun:
Single male 2. Suggests meeting at his for coffee.
Single male 3. Assumes I'd go to his hotel room for breakfast. Gets abusive when I ask him why he's agreed to a meet and then tried changing agreement.
Single male 4. No show
Single male 5. No show
So gle male 6. Thinks I need to see picture of his dick, so I can 'suck it later'
Couple 1. Send me dick pics and photos of random cock hanging out of random cunt. Excuse is that they are d*unk
Couple 2. Suggest picking me up to go to theirs for coffee, then throw hissy fit when I refuse.
So, am I missing something here? Or are people that ignorant that they think rules don't apply to them!
"
Not missing anything,you made it clear,but you are dealing with the "It doesn't apply to me types".You know the ones,park on double yellows,overtake on solid whites,have a bbq on the edge of the forest next to a sign that says- fire risk no bbq's.Best avoided because of the risk of them not understanding no means no. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" ...
So, am I missing something here? Or are people that ignorant that they think rules don't apply to them!
"
Yes they really don't care what you want. They want to get their dick wet.
I put a similar social meet up that made it clear it was just coffee, but got messages from men suggesting sex.
I also got messages from 3 different men who were clear they were happy for just a social. I didn't get the red flag feeling about any of them but ended up not being able to meet them. So they're not all bad.
But the types who browse the Meets are 99% likely to be looking for a fuck so I can't blame them.
It pisses me off much more when I've chatted to someone for a while and clearly said the 1st meet will be a social only and then they start hinting at 'what if'. Meet and contact cancelled.  |
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"I confess to being a little perplexed at how an offer to meet socially for a coffee can be interpreted in so many ways.
Had few hours free this morning between finishing work and getting my bus, so thought I'd see if anyone fancied joining me for coffee / chat.
Meet in 'spoons, grab coffee (other beverages available), have chat. Full stop. Very clear, or so I thought.
Got 9 DMs
Single male 1. Assumes I'll be going back to his place afterwards for 'fun:
Single male 2. Suggests meeting at his for coffee.
Single male 3. Assumes I'd go to his hotel room for breakfast. Gets abusive when I ask him why he's agreed to a meet and then tried changing agreement.
Single male 4. No show
Single male 5. No show
So gle male 6. Thinks I need to see picture of his dick, so I can 'suck it later'
Couple 1. Send me dick pics and photos of random cock hanging out of random cunt. Excuse is that they are d*unk
Couple 2. Suggest picking me up to go to theirs for coffee, then throw hissy fit when I refuse.
So, am I missing something here? Or are people that ignorant that they think rules don't apply to them!
"
I have friends that I meet for a coffee... |
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By *adCherriesCouple
over a year ago
Cheshire/Northwest |
We wouldn't meet anyone socially unless it was a couple who we really liked and intended to plan a play meet (but even then we usually end up having sex). Its a swinging site so most people are here to fuck. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I love going for socials I never expected any .besides a good giggle. And getting to find out a few things. If goes to next meeting lovely for coffee or more bonus. If not never a problem just love meeting people x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We wouldn't meet anyone socially unless it was a couple who we really liked and intended to plan a play meet (but even then we usually end up having sex). Its a swinging site so most people are here to fuck."
You keep saying this yet a lot of people still want socials first.
Both types of people can exist next to each other. |
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"We wouldn't meet anyone socially unless it was a couple who we really liked and intended to plan a play meet (but even then we usually end up having sex). Its a swinging site so most people are here to fuck.
You keep saying this yet a lot of people still want socials first.
Both types of people can exist next to each other. "
Indeed. It's a compatibility issue.
If you don't want a social before I go into a bedroom with you, we're not compatible. (As I say, it's part of my psychopath test. Keeping myself safe as a solo woman etc) |
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By *ayHaychMan
over a year ago
Leeds (Home) / Sheffield (Work) |
I can sometimes be quite literal minded so I like to stick to what’s discussed in messages. Some people post about how their social “turned into more” which puts me off. If we’ve discussed a coffee social, I wouldn’t have prepared myself for any fun. Be it trimming below, making arrangements to have more time, etc.
In the past I’ve had people react negatively to me asking questions about what’s happening because I’m a “fantasist” or it’s seen as “ping pong messages”.
Fab is a hard place to win |
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By *viatrixWoman
over a year ago
Redhill |
"I'm not that bothered, and certainly not upset or in any way put out. I had a very nice breakfast and several coffees. I didn't go out of my way. I was already in the area with time to kill.
I rarely do meets outside organised socials, and this is a reminder why.
"
Yeah. I went to Manchester a few weeks ago on work related stuff and had a few hours to kill so put up a meet for a social first. The entitlement was real… I did end up meeting someone but it was a meh experience in all honesty. So not going to bother again. |
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Manners seem to mean nothing on a site like this. 
