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Disability and parenting stuff
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Thus endeth the whatever it is I've just written  | |||
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Our kids are in their 30s and u *still* feel slight guilt if I have to refuse them something | |||
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"Hi Mrs KC, Kids are kids, they will always ask why can't the other parent take them to xyz because they're inquisitive. Yeah they may prefer the nature walk but really do they really when it's pissing it down with rain? I bet if they were having to walk it would be why can't I stay dry in the car. I think as parents we want to be the best one always, but it's not possible. Some days you are some days your not. And sometimes it's tough shit this is how it works and not all life revolves around the kids. Says child who routinely turned up to school in a tractor with a Dad or grandad covered in shit, because life and work. Dying as a kid but I appreciate now they were doing their best, as are you " It was definitely tough shit this morning. And she does the nature walk in the rain, in full all-in-one rain suit and wellies
Thank you  | |||
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"I'm going to get bossy now. But give yourself a fricking break. You clearly love your kids to pieces and in the end that is what matters and what will in turn make them loving parents. I'm an ex teacher working in a under privileged school. The happy kids were the ones with loving parents. They didn't have much. We took them on a school trip to the seaside and that was the first for a of them of seeing the sea. But at parents evening it was so obvious which parents really cared. Your kids are learning invaluable lessons from having a parent in a wheel chair. I bet they are really great kids." Both our kids are great kids. Even the one who's an adult and has a really significant birthday in a couple of weeks 
Thanks, a kick up the arse is required sometimes. | |||
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"Kids always look for the fun stuff and will argue about anything to get it. You and Mr KC definitely need a weekend to yourselves. It won't be long before she's wanting to go to town with her mates without either of you, you know how fast they grow up and girls tend to seek independence at an early age" She's terrifyingly grown up already
We're hoping to be able to stay over for the social thingy happening in Sept, but that perennial childcare issue remains unsolved  | |||
"Possible pity post, anyone who's not into that, the exits are *here*, *here* and *here*. Might not be pity though, I don't know. It's probably a random ramble, soz. So, I'm having the normal parent-who-has-to-work-in-school-hols guilt thing every day, but this past couple of days, it's amplified by my guilt (I don't know a better word) for being the physically disabled parent, whereas Mr isn't. Getting a child who is on hols up and ready to go out at the "normal time" is a challenge in itself but I can't easily chase round after her. More importantly, I am unable to take her to the holiday activity thing using the exciting and nature-filled route Mr KC takes her, because it's not wheelchair accessible. If I take her by wheelchair, it's a boring route through a housing estate and a manky ginnel. Today, it had to be via car because I had an appointment early-ish. Mr KC cannot drive so it's never a car trip with him. I feel awful when I have to say it's me taking you, [child name], because I know she wants to walk along the nice way and she's sick of car journeys. Wheelchairing in the rain is possibly one of the least enjoyable and horrible activities in history, so that's a hard no with any possibility of precipitation, because I ain't sitting in a piss wet through cushion for the rest of the day. Trying to get past the "but where's Daddy?" "Why can't he take me?" "I don't want to go in the car, it's boring" etc. but yeah, guilt trip etc. Probably not helped by our little trip to A&E last week for the Child, which apparently necessitated me explaining the immediate post natal period (which means explaining why and how my disability happened and I don't want to discuss in front of Child A). Not sure how it related to why we were there. Also unhelpful that kids A&E apparently isn't designed for parents in wheelchairs either. I spent the whole time blocking everyone's route and couldn't use the loo because it wasn't big enough to get a wheelchair inside and close the door
Thus endeth the whatever it is I've just written "Hello, I am a child of a physically disabled father. My father went through similar emotions, he would often talk about how his health limited his bond to me. He would tell me about how his illness would stop him playing with me, how I would feel embarrassed because he couldn't walk far. Honestly, I never felt sad about it. I would feel protective over him but never held anything but love and admiration. As someone said above, it's ok to give yourself a break. | |||
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"Hello, I am a child of a physically disabled father. My father went through similar emotions, he would often talk about how his health limited his bond to me. He would tell me about how his illness would stop him playing with me, how I would feel embarrassed because he couldn't walk far. Honestly, I never felt sad about it. I would feel protective over him but never held anything but love and admiration. As someone said above, it's ok to give yourself a break. " Thank you. I try very hard not to express how I feel around our child, I don't want her to hear that. That's why the A&E trip upset me a bit because I was put on the spot by a doc who asked a direct question, which if I avoided, it was obvious and if I answered in full, she would hear it all. One day, I'll work out how to explain how and why my disability started. That's another area I struggle with. | |||
"Feeling guilt when you have an acquired disability is unfortunately inevitable. It's easy to start spiraling down when the things you can't do are slapping you right in the face. The things that you can do, things that you've adapted to and overcome despite your disability can all too easily get forgotten about or minimised. They may seem like normal everyday things now, but don't forget the effort and the battles you went through to get you to that point. You still have to do more than any "normal" person to live the best life you can, you've overcome things you never imagined you'd ever have to, don't ever forget that! When it comes to kids, they play parents off against each other no matter what, they'll always say one is better than the other for all kind of different things. I don't know how old your child is, if they're young enough maybe you could make the journeys a bit more fun by having competitions like who sees the most of a random coloured car each day see or who spots the most people out and about walking? I know it's not much help now, but as kids grow older and more mature the understanding of your situation will come and the guilt tripping will stop. You are doing the best you can and that is good enough! Sending hugs" Thanks for the suggestions. Yes, we do try to do fun things on the journey, e.g. spotting animals in the fields, say hello to some unusual ones but the route to the holiday activities is pretty dull tbh, less interesting than a school day. It's mainly a housing estate
The walking route that she takes with Mr KC is across the fields that separate us from that estate so full of loveliness and butterflies. The "proper" walking route, which includes the ginnel that's full of dog poo and stinging nettles is much less fun too  | |||
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"Possible pity post, anyone who's not into that, the exits are *here*, *here* and *here*. Might not be pity though, I don't know. It's probably a random ramble, soz. So, I'm having the normal parent-who-has-to-work-in-school-hols guilt thing every day, but this past couple of days, it's amplified by my guilt (I don't know a better word) for being the physically disabled parent, whereas Mr isn't. Getting a child who is on hols up and ready to go out at the "normal time" is a challenge in itself but I can't easily chase round after her. More importantly, I am unable to take her to the holiday activity thing using the exciting and nature-filled route Mr KC takes her, because it's not wheelchair accessible. If I take her by wheelchair, it's a boring route through a housing estate and a manky ginnel. Today, it had to be via car because I had an appointment early-ish. Mr KC cannot drive so it's never a car trip with him. I feel awful when I have to say it's me taking you, [child name], because I know she wants to walk along the nice way and she's sick of car journeys. Wheelchairing in the rain is possibly one of the least enjoyable and horrible activities in history, so that's a hard no with any possibility of precipitation, because I ain't sitting in a piss wet through cushion for the rest of the day. Trying to get past the "but where's Daddy?" "Why can't he take me?" "I don't want to go in the car, it's boring" etc. but yeah, guilt trip etc. Probably not helped by our little trip to A&E last week for the Child, which apparently necessitated me explaining the immediate post natal period (which means explaining why and how my disability happened and I don't want to discuss in front of Child A). Not sure how it related to why we were there. Also unhelpful that kids A&E apparently isn't designed for parents in wheelchairs either. I spent the whole time blocking everyone's route and couldn't use the loo because it wasn't big enough to get a wheelchair inside and close the door
Thus endeth the whatever it is I've just written
Hello,
I am a child of a physically disabled father. My father went through similar emotions, he would often talk about how his health limited his bond to me. He would tell me about how his illness would stop him playing with me, how I would feel embarrassed because he couldn't walk far.
Honestly, I never felt sad about it. I would feel protective over him but never held anything but love and admiration.
As someone said above, it's ok to give yourself a break. "I was going to message some more personal things about how it was like as a young child with disabled parent but I can't | |||
"Possible pity post, anyone who's not into that, the exits are *here*, *here* and *here*. Might not be pity though, I don't know. It's probably a random ramble, soz. So, I'm having the normal parent-who-has-to-work-in-school-hols guilt thing every day, but this past couple of days, it's amplified by my guilt (I don't know a better word) for being the physically disabled parent, whereas Mr isn't. Getting a child who is on hols up and ready to go out at the "normal time" is a challenge in itself but I can't easily chase round after her. More importantly, I am unable to take her to the holiday activity thing using the exciting and nature-filled route Mr KC takes her, because it's not wheelchair accessible. If I take her by wheelchair, it's a boring route through a housing estate and a manky ginnel. Today, it had to be via car because I had an appointment early-ish. Mr KC cannot drive so it's never a car trip with him. I feel awful when I have to say it's me taking you, [child name], because I know she wants to walk along the nice way and she's sick of car journeys. Wheelchairing in the rain is possibly one of the least enjoyable and horrible activities in history, so that's a hard no with any possibility of precipitation, because I ain't sitting in a piss wet through cushion for the rest of the day. Trying to get past the "but where's Daddy?" "Why can't he take me?" "I don't want to go in the car, it's boring" etc. but yeah, guilt trip etc. Probably not helped by our little trip to A&E last week for the Child, which apparently necessitated me explaining the immediate post natal period (which means explaining why and how my disability happened and I don't want to discuss in front of Child A). Not sure how it related to why we were there. Also unhelpful that kids A&E apparently isn't designed for parents in wheelchairs either. I spent the whole time blocking everyone's route and couldn't use the loo because it wasn't big enough to get a wheelchair inside and close the door
Thus endeth the whatever it is I've just written
Hello,
I am a child of a physically disabled father. My father went through similar emotions, he would often talk about how his health limited his bond to me. He would tell me about how his illness would stop him playing with me, how I would feel embarrassed because he couldn't walk far.
Honestly, I never felt sad about it. I would feel protective over him but never held anything but love and admiration.
As someone said above, it's ok to give yourself a break.
I was going to message some more personal things about how it was like as a young child with disabled parent but I can't "We don't have any message filters on and have not applied any block that would affect you messaging, so unsure why. | |||
Just know one thing you are doing brilliant and it’s all natural.
Carry on. | |||
"Feeling guilt when you have an acquired disability is unfortunately inevitable. It's easy to start spiraling down when the things you can't do are slapping you right in the face. The things that you can do, things that you've adapted to and overcome despite your disability can all too easily get forgotten about or minimised. They may seem like normal everyday things now, but don't forget the effort and the battles you went through to get you to that point. You still have to do more than any "normal" person to live the best life you can, you've overcome things you never imagined you'd ever have to, don't ever forget that! When it comes to kids, they play parents off against each other no matter what, they'll always say one is better than the other for all kind of different things. I don't know how old your child is, if they're young enough maybe you could make the journeys a bit more fun by having competitions like who sees the most of a random coloured car each day see or who spots the most people out and about walking? I know it's not much help now, but as kids grow older and more mature the understanding of your situation will come and the guilt tripping will stop. You are doing the best you can and that is good enough! Sending hugs Thanks for the suggestions. Yes, we do try to do fun things on the journey, e.g. spotting animals in the fields, say hello to some unusual ones but the route to the holiday activities is pretty dull tbh, less interesting than a school day. It's mainly a housing estate
The walking route that she takes with Mr KC is across the fields that separate us from that estate so full of loveliness and butterflies. The "proper" walking route, which includes the ginnel that's full of dog poo and stinging nettles is much less fun too "If the walk is through a housing estate then tell her whatever she's does she's not to look through the windows of the houses with curtains/blinds open and not to tell you what people are doing, that one works for all ages, you'll be getting reports on how they didn't see the old lady sitting watching TV while eating a bowl of cereal in no time  | |||
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"Feeling guilt when you have an acquired disability is unfortunately inevitable. It's easy to start spiraling down when the things you can't do are slapping you right in the face. The things that you can do, things that you've adapted to and overcome despite your disability can all too easily get forgotten about or minimised. They may seem like normal everyday things now, but don't forget the effort and the battles you went through to get you to that point. You still have to do more than any "normal" person to live the best life you can, you've overcome things you never imagined you'd ever have to, don't ever forget that! When it comes to kids, they play parents off against each other no matter what, they'll always say one is better than the other for all kind of different things. I don't know how old your child is, if they're young enough maybe you could make the journeys a bit more fun by having competitions like who sees the most of a random coloured car each day see or who spots the most people out and about walking? I know it's not much help now, but as kids grow older and more mature the understanding of your situation will come and the guilt tripping will stop. You are doing the best you can and that is good enough! Sending hugs Thanks for the suggestions. Yes, we do try to do fun things on the journey, e.g. spotting animals in the fields, say hello to some unusual ones but the route to the holiday activities is pretty dull tbh, less interesting than a school day. It's mainly a housing estate
The walking route that she takes with Mr KC is across the fields that separate us from that estate so full of loveliness and butterflies. The "proper" walking route, which includes the ginnel that's full of dog poo and stinging nettles is much less fun too
If the walk is through a housing estate then tell her whatever she's does she's not to look through the windows of the houses with curtains/blinds open and not to tell you what people are doing, that one works for all ages, you'll be getting reports on how they didn't see the old lady sitting watching TV while eating a bowl of cereal in no time "I hope she doesn't see some of the things people post about doing behind their net curtains! "Mummy, I can see a man......" | |||
"Aw my lovely love. Now, listen here MATEY. I can't relate to how you are feeling but I do understand why you're so frustrated. It's not fair at all. I'd be angry and disappointed. You have every right to feel how you are feeling. I hope as time goes by, the world becomes an easier place for those who have a disability. I've not experienced it directly in my own body, but I've seen and dealt with it a lot in my lifetime and felt the frustration too for family who are in the same boat as you. You have to remember too, that your daughter loves you and knows you do your best. I know there's no way on earth your daughter will grow up and think any less of you because of these things. You know, maybe sometimes she might be a typical kid and be a bit sad and mopey that today she has to take the car or whatever, but she doesn't mean it, kids are just like that sometimes. She will be understanding, kind and full of intelligent beans just like her mama when she's grown and she will know you did everything you possibly could to do the best by her." LemonyLady | |||
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"Possible pity post, anyone who's not into that, the exits are *here*, *here* and *here*. Might not be pity though, I don't know. It's probably a random ramble, soz. So, I'm having the normal parent-who-has-to-work-in-school-hols guilt thing every day, but this past couple of days, it's amplified by my guilt (I don't know a better word) for being the physically disabled parent, whereas Mr isn't. Getting a child who is on hols up and ready to go out at the "normal time" is a challenge in itself but I can't easily chase round after her. More importantly, I am unable to take her to the holiday activity thing using the exciting and nature-filled route Mr KC takes her, because it's not wheelchair accessible. If I take her by wheelchair, it's a boring route through a housing estate and a manky ginnel. Today, it had to be via car because I had an appointment early-ish. Mr KC cannot drive so it's never a car trip with him. I feel awful when I have to say it's me taking you, [child name], because I know she wants to walk along the nice way and she's sick of car journeys. Wheelchairing in the rain is possibly one of the least enjoyable and horrible activities in history, so that's a hard no with any possibility of precipitation, because I ain't sitting in a piss wet through cushion for the rest of the day. Trying to get past the "but where's Daddy?" "Why can't he take me?" "I don't want to go in the car, it's boring" etc. but yeah, guilt trip etc. Probably not helped by our little trip to A&E last week for the Child, which apparently necessitated me explaining the immediate post natal period (which means explaining why and how my disability happened and I don't want to discuss in front of Child A). Not sure how it related to why we were there. Also unhelpful that kids A&E apparently isn't designed for parents in wheelchairs either. I spent the whole time blocking everyone's route and couldn't use the loo because it wasn't big enough to get a wheelchair inside and close the door
Thus endeth the whatever it is I've just written
Hello,
I am a child of a physically disabled father. My father went through similar emotions, he would often talk about how his health limited his bond to me. He would tell me about how his illness would stop him playing with me, how I would feel embarrassed because he couldn't walk far.
Honestly, I never felt sad about it. I would feel protective over him but never held anything but love and admiration.
As someone said above, it's ok to give yourself a break.
I was going to message some more personal things about how it was like as a young child with disabled parent but I can't
We don't have any message filters on and have not applied any block that would affect you messaging, so unsure why. "It says you blocked me haha | |||
 | |||
"Possible pity post, anyone who's not into that, the exits are *here*, *here* and *here*. Might not be pity though, I don't know. It's probably a random ramble, soz. So, I'm having the normal parent-who-has-to-work-in-school-hols guilt thing every day, but this past couple of days, it's amplified by my guilt (I don't know a better word) for being the physically disabled parent, whereas Mr isn't. Getting a child who is on hols up and ready to go out at the "normal time" is a challenge in itself but I can't easily chase round after her. More importantly, I am unable to take her to the holiday activity thing using the exciting and nature-filled route Mr KC takes her, because it's not wheelchair accessible. If I take her by wheelchair, it's a boring route through a housing estate and a manky ginnel. Today, it had to be via car because I had an appointment early-ish. Mr KC cannot drive so it's never a car trip with him. I feel awful when I have to say it's me taking you, [child name], because I know she wants to walk along the nice way and she's sick of car journeys. Wheelchairing in the rain is possibly one of the least enjoyable and horrible activities in history, so that's a hard no with any possibility of precipitation, because I ain't sitting in a piss wet through cushion for the rest of the day. Trying to get past the "but where's Daddy?" "Why can't he take me?" "I don't want to go in the car, it's boring" etc. but yeah, guilt trip etc. Probably not helped by our little trip to A&E last week for the Child, which apparently necessitated me explaining the immediate post natal period (which means explaining why and how my disability happened and I don't want to discuss in front of Child A). Not sure how it related to why we were there. Also unhelpful that kids A&E apparently isn't designed for parents in wheelchairs either. I spent the whole time blocking everyone's route and couldn't use the loo because it wasn't big enough to get a wheelchair inside and close the door
Thus endeth the whatever it is I've just written
Hello,
I am a child of a physically disabled father. My father went through similar emotions, he would often talk about how his health limited his bond to me. He would tell me about how his illness would stop him playing with me, how I would feel embarrassed because he couldn't walk far.
Honestly, I never felt sad about it. I would feel protective over him but never held anything but love and admiration.
As someone said above, it's ok to give yourself a break.
I was going to message some more personal things about how it was like as a young child with disabled parent but I can't
We don't have any message filters on and have not applied any block that would affect you messaging, so unsure why.
It says you blocked me haha"Nope, we haven't. | |||
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We shall try to spot the lesser-spotted dog turd another day | |||
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"Possible pity post, anyone who's not into that, the exits are *here*, *here* and *here*. Might not be pity though, I don't know. It's probably a random ramble, soz. So, I'm having the normal parent-who-has-to-work-in-school-hols guilt thing every day, but this past couple of days, it's amplified by my guilt (I don't know a better word) for being the physically disabled parent, whereas Mr isn't. Getting a child who is on hols up and ready to go out at the "normal time" is a challenge in itself but I can't easily chase round after her. More importantly, I am unable to take her to the holiday activity thing using the exciting and nature-filled route Mr KC takes her, because it's not wheelchair accessible. If I take her by wheelchair, it's a boring route through a housing estate and a manky ginnel. Today, it had to be via car because I had an appointment early-ish. Mr KC cannot drive so it's never a car trip with him. I feel awful when I have to say it's me taking you, [child name], because I know she wants to walk along the nice way and she's sick of car journeys. Wheelchairing in the rain is possibly one of the least enjoyable and horrible activities in history, so that's a hard no with any possibility of precipitation, because I ain't sitting in a piss wet through cushion for the rest of the day. Trying to get past the "but where's Daddy?" "Why can't he take me?" "I don't want to go in the car, it's boring" etc. but yeah, guilt trip etc. Probably not helped by our little trip to A&E last week for the Child, which apparently necessitated me explaining the immediate post natal period (which means explaining why and how my disability happened and I don't want to discuss in front of Child A). Not sure how it related to why we were there. Also unhelpful that kids A&E apparently isn't designed for parents in wheelchairs either. I spent the whole time blocking everyone's route and couldn't use the loo because it wasn't big enough to get a wheelchair inside and close the door
Thus endeth the whatever it is I've just written
Hello,
I am a child of a physically disabled father. My father went through similar emotions, he would often talk about how his health limited his bond to me. He would tell me about how his illness would stop him playing with me, how I would feel embarrassed because he couldn't walk far.
Honestly, I never felt sad about it. I would feel protective over him but never held anything but love and admiration.
As someone said above, it's ok to give yourself a break.
I was going to message some more personal things about how it was like as a young child with disabled parent but I can't
We don't have any message filters on and have not applied any block that would affect you messaging, so unsure why.
It says you blocked me haha
Nope, we haven't. "OK. No idea why but its ok. Just remember how resilient kids are. I never had any resentment | |||
" It says you blocked me haha Nope, we haven't. OK. No idea why but its ok. Just remember how resilient kids are. I never had any resentment " Genuinely, we haven't blocked. Thank you. | |||
" It says you blocked me haha Nope, we haven't. OK. No idea why but its ok. Just remember how resilient kids are. I never had any resentment Genuinely, we haven't blocked. Thank you. " No problem | |||
