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Mythical connection
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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There was a post on here last week asking about dilemma of having connection (or not) with someone you meet from fab prior to arranging something. I hope you find your answers original OP. 
Wellinever interestingly pointed out in her comment there, how differently we all seem to understand what connection means. I found that interesting and I thought some blur the lines of connection and attachment. What do you think?
Tones |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Maybe!
It’s a fine line : there’s definitely something about getting on with / being on a similar wavelength to someone. That’s making a connection, you can do that without becoming attached, the risk is where one party thinks it’s an attachment and the other thinks it’s just a connection .. |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
A connection is where you’re on the same page mentally, feel a draw and enjoy a persons company. Attachment is being emotionally or romantically involved with someone.
Whilst the attachment can come from a connection, they’re very different things.
The fun* thing about language is often how there are so many subtleties within words and the connotations that people attach to them. We can be talking about the same thing but use different words and vice versa.
*By fun I mean damned frustrating |
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Connection to me on here, kind of means would I likely sit and have a chat with them or not. It's the kind of thing you'd get if you chatted with a random person in a bar.
Attachment to me at least would require time to develop. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Maybe!
It’s a fine line : there’s definitely something about getting on with / being on a similar wavelength to someone. That’s making a connection, you can do that without becoming attached, the risk is where one party thinks it’s an attachment and the other thinks it’s just a connection .."
How much of a connection is "too much" in other words ?
On that note.. do you set yourself a limit of meets with a person to not become too attached? Is that helpful ? Or one needs just a right mindset? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Connection to me on here, kind of means would I likely sit and have a chat with them or not. It's the kind of thing you'd get if you chatted with a random person in a bar.
Attachment to me at least would require time to develop. "
Does sexual chemistry/connection need to develop parallel to that ? Or can come later? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"A connection to me is someone that can make me laugh and turn me on.
No attachment.
This 
Tinder"
Simple but good criteria in my view I think similarly. We connect but we don't link up in a way which would leave a hole after someone's departure? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Maybe!
It’s a fine line : there’s definitely something about getting on with / being on a similar wavelength to someone. That’s making a connection, you can do that without becoming attached, the risk is where one party thinks it’s an attachment and the other thinks it’s just a connection ..
How much of a connection is "too much" in other words ?
On that note.. do you set yourself a limit of meets with a person to not become too attached? Is that helpful ? Or one needs just a right mindset? "
I'd like to think its a mindset! As long as both parties are being open with their boundaries and expectations (eg I will never want a vanila relationship ) But I guess it will require emotional maturity to manage it.
I've not tested my theory yet, but I'd like to think that I could find a way of enjoying someone over an extended period, care about them, but not be clingy etc. |
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"Connection to me on here, kind of means would I likely sit and have a chat with them or not. It's the kind of thing you'd get if you chatted with a random person in a bar.
Attachment to me at least would require time to develop.
Does sexual chemistry/connection need to develop parallel to that ? Or can come later? "
To me a connection can be a fleeting thing. Sexual chemistry and connection can build from that initial connection, but so can friendship or nothing at all. Connection is the potential for more. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"A connection is where you’re on the same page mentally, feel a draw and enjoy a persons company. Attachment is being emotionally or romantically involved with someone.
Whilst the attachment can come from a connection, they’re very different things.
The fun* thing about language is often how there are so many subtleties within words and the connotations that people attach to them. We can be talking about the same thing but use different words and vice versa.
*By fun I mean damned frustrating "
Could be frustrating. But thats what questions are for to find mutual understanding of semantics and expectations/lack of them behind the words we introduce.
That post just made me wonder.. as its one of most used terms on fab - what does it mean to people really.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Maybe!
It’s a fine line : there’s definitely something about getting on with / being on a similar wavelength to someone. That’s making a connection, you can do that without becoming attached, the risk is where one party thinks it’s an attachment and the other thinks it’s just a connection ..
How much of a connection is "too much" in other words ?
On that note.. do you set yourself a limit of meets with a person to not become too attached? Is that helpful ? Or one needs just a right mindset? "
I never invest in just the one guy, always 2-3, sometimes 4. I keep certain things back, my name being one, don't talk about personal stuff. Go days/weeks without messaging and I don't do the whole morning/night text thing. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Connection is the urge for me, to want to get to know, that person more
I know when I have attachment to a person, as I feel protective over them, and that comes with time and trust"
That's beautifully put Compy x
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A connection to me would be a person thats on the same wavelength as you ..thinks the same .. answers the same ..wants the same etc etc
..an attachment would be when feelings become involved and for that to happen a connection is needed first...well that's what l think anyway. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There was a post on here last week asking about dilemma of having connection (or not) with someone you meet from fab prior to arranging something. I hope you find your answers original OP.
Wellinever interestingly pointed out in her comment there, how differently we all seem to understand what connection means. I found that interesting and I thought some blur the lines of connection and attachment. What do you think?
Tones"
Many are tainted by trauma and hurt,so many do not wish to visit that place again or ever!
So people are keeping feeling and attachment out of everything.
Atimes its like being alive or staying alive without breatheing. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"A connection to me would be a person thats on the same wavelength as you ..thinks the same .. answers the same ..wants the same etc etc
..an attachment would be when feelings become involved and for that to happen a connection is needed first...well that's what l think anyway."
And thats great. We are all just brainstorming out loud I guess thanks for the contribution. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
Many are tainted by trauma and hurt,so many do not wish to visit that place again or ever!
So people are keeping feeling and attachment out of everything.
Atimes its like being alive or staying alive without breatheing. "
I'm most interested in the last sentence! We're you thinking of those who have more natural yearning for attachment and that can be tiring - keeping it a bay always ? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think the word connection is massively overused. "
I don't know about overused but certainly used a lot here. Just wanted to demystify it a little |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Interesting read.
If I’m not invested in a person and get to know them and what they are like, there’s zero connection. I just want to fuck your body because I think you look good and my eyes are not offended when you are in view. *this is putting in a way that’s light and humouring.
When that connection changes to some sort of ‘attachment’ (whatever that is supposed to convey?!?!) it means I got to like someone enough to not only want to fuck their gorgeous ‘life vessel, ’  but I want to stick around because I like what i once found.
And I can only like someone who’s true and open, otherwise I am getting to know and to like a lie, and that’s fucking aweful when you find out afterwards.  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Connection is the urge for me, to want to get to know, that person more
I know when I have attachment to a person, as I feel protective over them, and that comes with time and trust"
.
I’ve enjoyed reading the thoughts given here. I relate to some of them but Contessa’s succinctly captures mine most accurately.
Connection is my enjoying their company. Attachment is my caring about them.
I think people can underestimate my attachment because of my reticence in my connection. I don’t readily show how deeply I care.
Miles |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Many are tainted by trauma and hurt,so many do not wish to visit that place again or ever!
So people are keeping feeling and attachment out of everything.
Atimes its like being alive or staying alive without breatheing.
I'm most interested in the last sentence! We're you thinking of those who have more natural yearning for attachment and that can be tiring - keeping it a bay always ? "
There are two deeper dynamics that play,without these they,we,all of it would not exist. (Empathic,Non-empathic)
its a Dance played out by both!!
Some of it is learned,some of it forced,some a trait,disposition,mostly a survival mode of coping.
Yet we most keep going via a cycle we dont,or nevet understand why we are attracted to some engergies than some. All that Glitters is not Gold.
" like the Moth ,that flys towards the shimmering light glow! But it gets Killed in its attraction to it"
Too much,and so much to write and share.
We all are on a journey! Some come to help us,some come to show us who we really are,many come and take and go. Yet we all are left alone tp pick up of what really happened??
We are surrounded by Noise pollution,and Info pollution Daily! Our minds need De-toxing.
This is my journey and view point thus far,my experience i am seeking balance and fluid flowing.
Peace |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's having some things in common. It's about the chat just flowing. Then when you meet it's all about the chemistry. "
Even then its a state of mind,where your head space is at that given time ,what other matters are on your mind.
" what emotional state you are in now " emotions ,intentikn,actions all play parts
We all are way far more,than we or others can see. Much more is going on in the brain, and we and most tell on themselves if we look closely at ACTIONS! not just coated words most think many want to hear.
The human has learned to survive and thats all we are doing,but how are we doing it???? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Connection is the spark. Attachment is wanting to keep the fire burning."
This.
None of it happens on its own though. The spark will fade fast without desire to fuel it.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
On that note.. do you set yourself a limit of meets with a person to not become too attached? Is that helpful ? Or one needs just a right mindset?
I'd like to think its a mindset! As long as both parties are being open with their boundaries and expectations (eg I will never want a vanila relationship ) But I guess it will require emotional maturity to manage it.
I've not tested my theory yet, but I'd like to think that I could find a way of enjoying someone over an extended period, care about them, but not be clingy etc. "
Belief is a good starting point. Then it just takes commitment to not stricte committal scenarios hope you get an opportunity to "test it" |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Connection to me on here, kind of means would I likely sit and have a chat with them or not. It's the kind of thing you'd get if you chatted with a random person in a bar.
Attachment to me at least would require time to develop.
Does sexual chemistry/connection need to develop parallel to that ? Or can come later?
To me a connection can be a fleeting thing. Sexual chemistry and connection can build from that initial connection, but so can friendship or nothing at all. Connection is the potential for more. "
I like that description- potential for more. And fleeting characterisation.
It's not a lock secured to the bridge. More of a leaf blown by the wind onto your lap. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
On that note.. do you set yourself a limit of meets with a person to not become too attached? Is that helpful ? Or one needs just a right mindset?
I never invest in just the one guy, always 2-3, sometimes 4. I keep certain things back, my name being one, don't talk about personal stuff. Go days/weeks without messaging and I don't do the whole morning/night text thing. "
I don't do THAT thing either. 
T. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"A connection to me would be a person thats on the same wavelength as you ..thinks the same .. answers the same ..wants the same etc etc
..an attachment would be when feelings become involved and for that to happen a connection is needed first...well that's what l think anyway."
Do you not think you can connect truly with someone who doesn't think like you? We will hardly agree on everything with most people what does fab connection require in common to be "successful" ?
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A connection to me would be a person thats on the same wavelength as you ..thinks the same .. answers the same ..wants the same etc etc
..an attachment would be when feelings become involved and for that to happen a connection is needed first...well that's what l think anyway.
Do you not think you can connect truly with someone who doesn't think like you? We will hardly agree on everything with most people what does fab connection require in common to be "successful" ?
"
I think you can maybe connect more with someone who can challenge your thinking, no point both agreeing on everything and just nodding along. A good old discussion can really get you knowing a person more, and hopefully you still like each other at the end of it  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A connection to me would be a person thats on the same wavelength as you ..thinks the same .. answers the same ..wants the same etc etc
..an attachment would be when feelings become involved and for that to happen a connection is needed first...well that's what l think anyway.
Do you not think you can connect truly with someone who doesn't think like you? We will hardly agree on everything with most people what does fab connection require in common to be "successful" ?
I think you can maybe connect more with someone who can challenge your thinking, no point both agreeing on everything and just nodding along. A good old discussion can really get you knowing a person more, and hopefully you still like each other at the end of it "
.can that be done typing all day? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Interesting read.
If I’m not invested in a person and get to know them and what they are like, there’s zero connection. I just want to fuck your body because I think you look good and my eyes are not offended when you are in view. *this is putting in a way that’s light and humouring.
When that connection changes to some sort of ‘attachment’ (whatever that is supposed to convey?!?!) it means I got to like someone enough to not only want to fuck their gorgeous ‘life vessel, ’ but I want to stick around because I like what i once found.
And I can only like someone who’s true and open, otherwise I am getting to know and to like a lie, and that’s fucking aweful when you find out afterwards. "
It must feel terrible indeed building a connection based on false premises. I feel you. They lead you astray, build hopes and one day it just has no meaning anymore. Its cause it never had. But one can always dust off the past and rebuild oneself. Face people again, learn to trust that new connections might lead to happy moments and don't end up at the stage of "attraction only". |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Connection is the spark. Attachment is wanting to keep the fire burning.
This.
None of it happens on its own though. The spark will fade fast without desire to fuel it.
"
Agree with both of you. Neat way to put it |
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Each of use are born to communicate on different frequencies.The purpose of life as we encounter those that make us feel acquired or not valued is to realise they do not belong and realise our worth and find those on our frequency of understanding and in doing so find connection..leading to satisfaction and ultimately..totally open trust and with that trust unlimited pleasure thru connection |
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