FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > How much do you want to know?
How much do you want to know?
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By *rHotNotts OP Man
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
If you are seeing someone regularly like maybe once every two weeks or once a month, how much do you wanna know about who else they see?
Would you rather they just say I’m busy that weekend?
Or I’m seeing a hot lover that isn’t you!
Or I’m meeting Bunty from the forms etc for a Friday night fuck fest ? |
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I’m always quite interested to know who my meets may have met previously, it can be quite horny hearing about what they’ve been up to.
Obviously on the proviso that they pale in comparison to my skills and enormous schlong  |
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For the casual fuck buddies, I absolutely have no interest in hearing about their other exploits, and only share mine if they're the ones that like to hear about that shit.
For my partners, I expect to be made aware if they start seeing someone regularly enough that it might be developing into a serious thing, and obviously any changes to the risk profile. But they have a one night stand, or go to a club without me, or whatever, as long as they're not putting themselves at risk, that's their business. I'm only interested in the things that affect our relationship and the things they want to tell me about  |
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By *TG3Man
over a year ago
Dorchester |
"I'd rather not know who they see
Agreed. But happy to know they are busy fucking a mystery person who you probably know ? Or rather be told they are washing their hair ? "
lol hey I'd ask them to keep it to themselves |
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By *rHotNotts OP Man
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"Well if I’ve arrange to meet someone else and the person messages me and says, “what are you doing this weekend”, I’ll tell them about my arrangements. Seems daft not too really "
I meant the other way round , what you choose to tell is on you |
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By *rHotNotts OP Man
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"I'd rather not know who they see
Agreed. But happy to know they are busy fucking a mystery person who you probably know ? Or rather be told they are washing their hair ? lol hey I'd ask them to keep it to themselves "
You’re clearly a man  |
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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
I want to know everything. Because I'm really nosey.
But... really I'm not too fussed. If he is happy sharing I'm happy hearing. If not, I'm happy not knowing.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you are seeing someone regularly like maybe once every two weeks or once a month, how much do you wanna know about who else they see?
Would you rather they just say I’m busy that weekend?
Or I’m seeing a hot lover that isn’t you!
Or I’m meeting Bunty from the forms etc for a Friday night fuck fest ? "
Depends on the dynamic.
Some won't want to share and others will. I don't mind either way so it's a case of whatever they are comfortable with really.
Though in honesty I prefer not knowing names. It would just make me feel awkward if I were to chat to those people or make me wonder if they were awkward with me if they knew I was one his women. Hope that makes sense.
If I knew the woman already and she was fine with it I'd be fine it, knowing names and her mine. As long as I wasn't going to murdered, chopped into pieces and dumped somewhere I'm cool. |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
Bunty.... oh Notts.
Bunty.
I view it in a similar fashion to Prey. Casual, doesn't affect me. If they want to tell me great.
If it's something that's going to affect our relationship (whether it's headspace, actual time together), that's developing in to something more than a quick use of a human wank sock? I'd like to know. I favour open honest dynamics with those I'm close to/see regularly. I like seeing those I care about happy. Just as long as there's no lying or hurtful behaviour surrounding it.
If it's someone they know I particularly don't care for? Fuck knows. :D
What about you OP? |
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"Well if I’ve arrange to meet someone else and the person messages me and says, “what are you doing this weekend”, I’ll tell them about my arrangements. Seems daft not too really
I meant the other way round , what you choose to tell is on you"
Ah yes, apologies, well if they are a friend (and as we are meeting “regularly” for sex then this is implied), then I’d probably want to hear about their adventures. Fab friends are the only friends I can be truly liberated around and have these kind of discussions |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I wouldn't ask but I'd see what they'd been doing when their verification got published on here!
The unwritten rule of never veri straight away followed by only display socials "
Just don't do veris it's so much easier. It's definitely my new leaf if I venture back out there. |
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By *rHotNotts OP Man
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"I want to know everything. Because I'm really nosey.
But... really I'm not too fussed. If he is happy sharing I'm happy hearing. If not, I'm happy not knowing.
"
I want to but then once I do know, often I want to unknow , especially the group fisting and high fives  |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
"I wouldn't ask but I'd see what they'd been doing when their verification got published on here!
The unwritten rule of never veri straight away followed by only display socials
Just don't do veris it's so much easier. It's definitely my new leaf if I venture back out there."
I don't know. People still find out. Fab is a funny old world.
Actually, no don't show them. I'm happy not displaying any bar social ones. Gives people something to talk about. |
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By *rHotNotts OP Man
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"Well if I’ve arrange to meet someone else and the person messages me and says, “what are you doing this weekend”, I’ll tell them about my arrangements. Seems daft not too really
I meant the other way round , what you choose to tell is on you
Ah yes, apologies, well if they are a friend (and as we are meeting “regularly” for sex then this is implied), then I’d probably want to hear about their adventures. Fab friends are the only friends I can be truly liberated around and have these kind of discussions "
That is a very good point. I can’t think of any non fab friends of the opposite sex who genuinely want to know & take an interest in details |
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By *rHotNotts OP Man
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"We all happily chat about our sexual activities, as we are all Interested in each others lives, us all having Compersion for each other, makes the dynamics of our ltr's a little different "
How do you get there ? Do you nurture & train them or are they like that to start with. It’s rare that someone met outside of fab can become that isn’t it |
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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"I want to know everything. Because I'm really nosey.
But... really I'm not too fussed. If he is happy sharing I'm happy hearing. If not, I'm happy not knowing.
I want to but then once I do know, often I want to unknow , especially the group fisting and high fives "
That's a good point. If there is high fiving going on I want to know. Purely because high fiving is so last year. |
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"If you are seeing someone regularly like maybe once every two weeks or once a month, how much do you wanna know about who else they see?
Would you rather they just say I’m busy that weekend?
Or I’m seeing a hot lover that isn’t you!
Or I’m meeting Bunty from the forms etc for a Friday night fuck fest ? "
I wouldn't care who they saw. Nothing to do with me!! |
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"We all happily chat about our sexual activities, as we are all Interested in each others lives, us all having Compersion for each other, makes the dynamics of our ltr's a little different
How do you get there ? Do you nurture & train them or are they like that to start with. It’s rare that someone met outside of fab can become that isn’t it "
They are in here like that to start with, and it's been 4 years together so far. I only meet with like minded fab people, because outside of fab, I've not met/liked any that share the same sexual values/skills as me  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you are seeing someone regularly like maybe once every two weeks or once a month, how much do you wanna know about who else they see?
Would you rather they just say I’m busy that weekend?
Or I’m seeing a hot lover that isn’t you!
Or I’m meeting Bunty from the forms etc for a Friday night fuck fest ? "
I prefer to be open and honest with each other. I like to know they are meeting someone else or attending a party. I don't feel the need to know what exactly happens when they do.I in return show them the same curtesy. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm happy they are having fun.
Don't get me wrong there's sometimes a bit of envy and sometimes a bit of insecurity in my thinking, they won't want me after them kinda thoughts but ultimately that's how fab goes.
I don't really need details but a bit of forewarning perhaps if there's suddenly some hugely graphic verification on the way!
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"I wouldn't ask but I'd see what they'd been doing when their verification got published on here!
The unwritten rule of never veri straight away followed by only display socials "
Thanks for the tip!
I'm still learning!
So what happens in real Fab life, is that as a single bloke, you wait for three years for a meet, and then when the gate opens, it's like a suicide bomber arriving at the fifty virgins and you have to keep it all quiet online and just post verifications of your social meets?
I'm learning quickly here! |
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"If you are seeing someone regularly like maybe once every two weeks or once a month, how much do you wanna know about who else they see?
Would you rather they just say I’m busy that weekend?
Or I’m seeing a hot lover that isn’t you!
Or I’m meeting Bunty from the forms etc for a Friday night fuck fest ? "
Zero.
Nothing at all.
Not my business.
A |
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"I want to know everything. Because I'm really nosey.
But... really I'm not too fussed. If he is happy sharing I'm happy hearing. If not, I'm happy not knowing.
I want to but then once I do know, often I want to unknow , especially the group fisting and high fives
That's a good point. If there is high fiving going on I want to know. Purely because high fiving is so last year."
Come to Somerset
It's mostly 'high sixing' you get round Bridgwater. 
A
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I would like to know...at a superficial level. It's my way to either do nothing or realign my dynamic with that person if I have made some emotional investment with them. I don't mind them meeting others but I would like to know where I am on their hierarchy.
Silly really, but if I really fancy someone I fancy them and I become all butterflies and shit. |
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By *rHotNotts OP Man
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"I'm happy they are having fun.
Don't get me wrong there's sometimes a bit of envy and sometimes a bit of insecurity in my thinking, they won't want me after them kinda thoughts but ultimately that's how fab goes.
I don't really need details but a bit of forewarning perhaps if there's suddenly some hugely graphic verification on the way!
"
Yeah that bit of envy and insecurity…..this in part is why I asked how much do you want to know. If It’s just “I’m busy” I’ll imagine they are they going to their great aunties 80th birthday party, and just chill.
But if they tell me they are meeting Bouncing Bunty, the forum sex God, I’m straight on tinder or making booty call to get even and next time we meet I’ll fuck them really really hard
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’d rather not know, also if they are just “seeing” someone then it’s none of my business what they do and equally none of their business what I do I think |
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By *rHotNotts OP Man
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"I would like to know...at a superficial level. It's my way to either do nothing or realign my dynamic with that person if I have made some emotional investment with them. I don't mind them meeting others but I would like to know where I am on their hierarchy.
Silly really, but if I really fancy someone I fancy them and I become all butterflies and shit. "
^ that’s how it should be! When that stops I wonder what are we doing, and it’s normally just the sex. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'd rather not know who they see "
Do we most assume many out there when quiet and away. Are in active,or have been before meeting you,and will be otherwise.
Less is better! Why allow rent free space in the head.
Everything is a state of mind. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'd rather not know - it's their business. "
An ex playmate,stated she wanted other men,and many at atime,includeing me as the Primary.
But i was instructed i can not sleep with other women,coz she gets jealous. And wants all the attention. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Couldn't give a fuck... Unless we'd agreed to pre test & go bare. In which case I'd expect them to have as much common sense as an adult as me... As to who if not? Nothing to do with either, a heads up to a meet is decent either side though... All adults at the end of the day |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"For the casual fuck buddies, I absolutely have no interest in hearing about their other exploits, and only share mine if they're the ones that like to hear about that shit.
For my partners, I expect to be made aware if they start seeing someone regularly enough that it might be developing into a serious thing, and obviously any changes to the risk profile. But they have a one night stand, or go to a club without me, or whatever, as long as they're not putting themselves at risk, that's their business. I'm only interested in the things that affect our relationship and the things they want to tell me about "
Do you make others aware,of your doings for their safty too. |
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By *rHotNotts OP Man
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"I'd rather not know who they see
Do we most assume many out there when quiet and away. Are in active,or have been before meeting you,and will be otherwise.
Less is better! Why allow rent free space in the head.
Everything is a state of mind. "
I think what you are saying is similar to what I believe about positive thinking. I’ll always prefer to see reality accurately and not attempt to tell myself lies or stories.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’d wanna know if they were having sex for health reasons…
But if it’s casual and I’m doing casual then that’s their business as long as no risk "
Can anybody be trusted,risk factor!
" have seen the Devil in the prettiest face's,and Angels in the not so gifted as some call it.
We live in sheer times of rife deception.
Can anything be trusted. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'd rather not know who they see
Do we most assume many out there when quiet and away. Are in active,or have been before meeting you,and will be otherwise.
Less is better! Why allow rent free space in the head.
Everything is a state of mind.
I think what you are saying is similar to what I believe about positive thinking. I’ll always prefer to see reality accurately and not attempt to tell myself lies or stories.
"
But at the same time you just agreed that 'less is better, and better not to know'?... They could have fucked half a football team that day with that attitude?... I'd go with better to ask with an open mind, and zero judgement. But make your own assessment based on an honest answer |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I wouldn't ask but I'd see what they'd been doing when their verification got published on here!
The unwritten rule of never veri straight away followed by only display socials
Thanks for the tip!
I'm still learning!
So what happens in real Fab life, is that as a single bloke, you wait for three years for a meet, and then when the gate opens, it's like a suicide bomber arriving at the fifty virgins and you have to keep it all quiet online and just post verifications of your social meets?
I'm learning quickly here!"
.
You aint been blown up yet!!' |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I wouldn't ask but I'd see what they'd been doing when their verification got published on here!"
Because people are only having, or not with other folk on Fab  |
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By *rHotNotts OP Man
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"I'd rather not know who they see
Do we most assume many out there when quiet and away. Are in active,or have been before meeting you,and will be otherwise.
Less is better! Why allow rent free space in the head.
Everything is a state of mind.
I think what you are saying is similar to what I believe about positive thinking. I’ll always prefer to see reality accurately and not attempt to tell myself lies or stories.
But at the same time you just agreed that 'less is better, and better not to know'?... They could have fucked half a football team that day with that attitude?... I'd go with better to ask with an open mind, and zero judgement. But make your own assessment based on an honest answer "
Tongue in cheek . But Details, like who , especially on here, doesn’t really serve any purpose? If anything triggers you imagination start inventing more details |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'd rather not know who they see
Do we most assume many out there when quiet and away. Are in active,or have been before meeting you,and will be otherwise.
Less is better! Why allow rent free space in the head.
Everything is a state of mind.
I think what you are saying is similar to what I believe about positive thinking. I’ll always prefer to see reality accurately and not attempt to tell myself lies or stories.
But at the same time you just agreed that 'less is better, and better not to know'?... They could have fucked half a football team that day with that attitude?... I'd go with better to ask with an open mind, and zero judgement. But make your own assessment based on an honest answer
Tongue in cheek . But Details, like who , especially on here, doesn’t really serve any purpose? If anything triggers you imagination start inventing more details"
I've no interest in who anyone else I may might is having sex with. Especially on here, I'm nearer a retirement home than comprehensive school by now... Whose touch who with a verification doesn't float my boat Though some seem to get enraged still |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It is funny when you see the online fallout though... Omg! How dare they engage in non committal sex with someone else!..
Anyone would think it was a swinging site 
"
Meh, it's a whatever anyone who wants to participate or not site. But we're all adults here, and it's each to their own to make their own personal risk assessment regarding who they choose to engage with  |
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Remembering that Fab is a very small corner of the swinging world there can be a lot of drama surrounding it, just like other social media platforms.
Swinging is all about enjoyment, sharing, openess and honesty and if we are involved in the lifestyle there shouldn't be any need to hide behind "I'm washing my hair" when in fact you're meeting Joe or Joanna....or both...and the day that becomes a problem is the day that you discover that swinging probably isn't the lifestyle for you....and it isn't for everyone. |
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By *ack688Man
over a year ago
abruzzo Italy (and UK) |
I like being friends with the people I meet and like to be able to chat about anything and everything and I’m not going to get jealous about them seeing other people, I want them to be able to go and have fun and talk about it if they want, but also if things aren’t going great with others then be able to talk about that too, names are fairly irrelevant as I don’t tend to take much notice of who guys on fab are anyway. |
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"If you are seeing someone regularly like maybe once every two weeks or once a month, how much do you wanna know about who else they see?
Would you rather they just say I’m busy that weekend?
Or I’m seeing a hot lover that isn’t you!
Or I’m meeting Bunty from the forms etc for a Friday night fuck fest ? "
If we're talking about "Fab Meets", then our only interest in other people they might meet would be "are they compatible with us too"
Cal |
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I tend to let the other person lead with this. I am happy to hear if they want to disclose but if they don’t then that’s fine too. I’m not here expecting to be anyone’s only or priority and I am happy they are seeing other people too. There is often a pang of envy which varies depending how involved I am with that person but I think it’s natural to think I wish they were doing that with me or I hope they don’t prefer her to me. I’ve learnt to accept that as part of doing this.
Kx |
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I’d prefer to know tbh. But if I’m seeing someone regularly i have no issues with them meeting whoever they like, however I would expect the honestly so if they got a veri and hadn’t mentioned they’d met up with someone it would be game over for me. |
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"I wouldn't ask but I'd see what they'd been doing when their verification got published on here!
The unwritten rule of never veri straight away followed by only display socials
Thanks for the tip!
I'm still learning!
So what happens in real Fab life, is that as a single bloke, you wait for three years for a meet, and then when the gate opens, it's like a suicide bomber arriving at the fifty virgins and you have to keep it all quiet online and just post verifications of your social meets?
I'm learning quickly here!.
You aint been blown up yet!!'"
Just blown off! |
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When I’ve had FWB in the past, we’ve only said “i’m sorry I’m not free”. We haven’t gone into detail.
Later when we met up, we would tell each other a brief outline of what’s going on but not rub each others noses in it.
We also never used people’s real names, as it personalised it too much. We used nicknames for everyone. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've found this hard to navigate this time around. I had a regular meet who wanted his freedom, but wanted me to himself. I tried to be honest and open (but discreet with details) and respectful of his feelings. But still found myself being told I broke trust! So tbh I feel I can't win!
I think from now on I will use a policy of 'I won't be exclusive, so don't expect that'. and just keep my mouth shut about whatever I get up to. Just as long as I behave in a safe manner to protect all my meets and myself. |
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By *ruceyyMan
over a year ago
London |
"I've found this hard to navigate this time around. I had a regular meet who wanted his freedom, but wanted me to himself. I tried to be honest and open (but discreet with details) and respectful of his feelings. But still found myself being told I broke trust! So tbh I feel I can't win!
I think from now on I will use a policy of 'I won't be exclusive, so don't expect that'. and just keep my mouth shut about whatever I get up to. Just as long as I behave in a safe manner to protect all my meets and myself. "
Nah if he's doing what he wants you're entitled to as well.
Some people eh?! |
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"I've found this hard to navigate this time around. I had a regular meet who wanted his freedom, but wanted me to himself. I tried to be honest and open (but discreet with details) and respectful of his feelings. But still found myself being told I broke trust! So tbh I feel I can't win!
I think from now on I will use a policy of 'I won't be exclusive, so don't expect that'. and just keep my mouth shut about whatever I get up to. Just as long as I behave in a safe manner to protect all my meets and myself. "
As you should! That’s cheeky. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've found this hard to navigate this time around. I had a regular meet who wanted his freedom, but wanted me to himself. I tried to be honest and open (but discreet with details) and respectful of his feelings. But still found myself being told I broke trust! So tbh I feel I can't win!
I think from now on I will use a policy of 'I won't be exclusive, so don't expect that'. and just keep my mouth shut about whatever I get up to. Just as long as I behave in a safe manner to protect all my meets and myself.
As you should! That’s cheeky. "
I'm interested in your comment. Could you go into more detail about 'that's cheeky' I don't understand? |
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"I've found this hard to navigate this time around. I had a regular meet who wanted his freedom, but wanted me to himself. I tried to be honest and open (but discreet with details) and respectful of his feelings. But still found myself being told I broke trust! So tbh I feel I can't win!
I think from now on I will use a policy of 'I won't be exclusive, so don't expect that'. and just keep my mouth shut about whatever I get up to. Just as long as I behave in a safe manner to protect all my meets and myself.
As you should! That’s cheeky.
I'm interested in your comment. Could you go into more detail about 'that's cheeky' I don't understand?"
Making you feel guilty for something it sounds like he was doing himself. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As you should! That’s cheeky.
I'm interested in your comment. Could you go into more detail about 'that's cheeky' I don't understand?
Making you feel guilty for something it sounds like he was doing himself. "
Thanks for this.
I've tried really hard to be straight about everything my end. So it does feel a kick in the pants tbh! |
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"
As you should! That’s cheeky.
I'm interested in your comment. Could you go into more detail about 'that's cheeky' I don't understand?
Making you feel guilty for something it sounds like he was doing himself.
Thanks for this.
I've tried really hard to be straight about everything my end. So it does feel a kick in the pants tbh! "
I’m sorry to hear that. If I’ve understood your post, he expected to be able to meet freely but didn’t like you doing the same. It doesn’t sound fair at all. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As you should! That’s cheeky.
I'm interested in your comment. Could you go into more detail about 'that's cheeky' I don't understand?
Making you feel guilty for something it sounds like he was doing himself.
Thanks for this.
I've tried really hard to be straight about everything my end. So it does feel a kick in the pants tbh!
I’m sorry to hear that. If I’ve understood your post, he expected to be able to meet freely but didn’t like you doing the same. It doesn’t sound fair at all. "
It wasn't fair. A bit of feelings going on, on both sides, so all a bit tricky. Probably best it's ended. I'm just sad how it ended |
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"I've found this hard to navigate this time around. I had a regular meet who wanted his freedom, but wanted me to himself. I tried to be honest and open (but discreet with details) and respectful of his feelings. But still found myself being told I broke trust! So tbh I feel I can't win!
I think from now on I will use a policy of 'I won't be exclusive, so don't expect that'. and just keep my mouth shut about whatever I get up to. Just as long as I behave in a safe manner to protect all my meets and myself. "
Wow, just wow!!! So he got to do whatever (or whoever) he wanted but expected you to be monogamous?  Wrong on so many levels imho. If you’re exclusive surely you both need to be exclusive and if you’re not then it needs to apply to you both - honestly sounds like a lucky escape for you! |
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"I've found this hard to navigate this time around. I had a regular meet who wanted his freedom, but wanted me to himself. I tried to be honest and open (but discreet with details) and respectful of his feelings. But still found myself being told I broke trust! So tbh I feel I can't win!
I think from now on I will use a policy of 'I won't be exclusive, so don't expect that'. and just keep my mouth shut about whatever I get up to. Just as long as I behave in a safe manner to protect all my meets and myself. "
Wow, just wow!!! So he got to do whatever (or whoever) he wanted but expected you to be monogamous? Wrong on so many levels imho. If you’re exclusive surely you both need to be exclusive and if you’re not then it needs to apply to you both - honestly sounds like a lucky escape for you! |
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If its someone I care about or have grown to and they want to share then I'm happy to know what's going on in their lives (maybe not the nitty gritty bump and grind details).
If its a FB or very occasional I'm happy to listen but it's not hugely of interest.
As most friends become the former generally we share to sanity check each other but never intrusively or with identity details unless needed. |
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