FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Let's all pretend we work in the fab office
Let's all pretend we work in the fab office
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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And it's the first day back after a fab sunny nudist holiday.
Anyone who comments on the thread is automatically staff.
Write a brief 'email' to a 'colleague' on the thread that's work orientated but has a naughty kinky meaning.
69th person to comment is the CEO.
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Intra-office memo, please note the health & safety concerns of playing naked musical chairs, the men sat in the chairs whilst the women run round have caused a few injuries, not just standing on people with heels but when jumping down onto a chair there have been reports of snapped banjo strings. Please be more careful and note incidents in the report book. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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From: Jennie, Accounts
To: IT Help desk
Morning,
I have been having trouble with attachments. I thinknit is either something to do with the plug-ins or possibly my dongle? The port is giving me trouble - I have noticed the slot is a bit fouled and its difficult sticking anything in there. Anything I do plug in tends to fall out.
It is very frustrating.
Regards,
J |
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By *lexm87Man
over a year ago
Various |
Colour scheme for new support items
I understand that, following your leave, you will require a survey and consultation of the colour appropriateness of your supportive clothing items. If you would like to calendar in some time to undertake these assessments, I would be grateful if you could provide photographic evidence of 'white bits' so that we can determine the overall nature of the tanning experience. A selection of work appropriate items, in a range of silks, will be supplied along with refreshments and safety equipment. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
From: Beans, Joe
To: Woman, Petite
Subject: Further Opportunities
Dear PW,
Hope you're well. I just wanted to get in touch as I was looking for more opportunities in my role and was hope you could assist in aiding me reach my potential.
I'm motivated, highly skilled, and eager to please and really think some 1 to 1 sessions can really help me progress and I'm sure I could rise to the occasion.
Please let me know if this might interest you in any way.
Many Wanks,
Joe |
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Note to all.
This is your yearly reminder to get prepared for the secret santa this year. Can I politely remind you that, biodegradable sex toys are not allowed, and can you please refrain from gang bangs, in the canteen at the xmas meal, please use the toilets instead.
Regards
Ms CWP
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"From: Beans, Joe
To: Woman, Petite
Subject: Further Opportunities
Dear PW,
Hope you're well. I just wanted to get in touch as I was looking for more opportunities in my role and was hope you could assist in aiding me reach my potential.
I'm motivated, highly skilled, and eager to please and really think some 1 to 1 sessions can really help me progress and I'm sure I could rise to the occasion.
Please let me know if this might interest you in any way.
Many Wanks,
Joe"
*Woody leans over to his colleague
“Hey Joe?,……. Do you know how to delete video files and search history from my PC?…… |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"From: Beans, Joe
To: Woman, Petite
Subject: Further Opportunities
Dear PW,
Hope you're well. I just wanted to get in touch as I was looking for more opportunities in my role and was hope you could assist in aiding me reach my potential.
I'm motivated, highly skilled, and eager to please and really think some 1 to 1 sessions can really help me progress and I'm sure I could rise to the occasion.
Please let me know if this might interest you in any way.
Many Wanks,
Joe
*Woody leans over to his colleague
“Hey Joe?,……. Do you know how to delete video files and search history from my PC?……"
Woody! You know the IT helpdesk can still see that stuff right? |
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"
Woody! You know the IT helpdesk can still see that stuff right?"
Note from an actual IT help desk guy, we don't need your browser, we log everything that goes through the company firewalls. We are watching everything. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Staff notice:
Hi all,
Please remember that as a company we encourage you to take time off for medical appointments! That includes regular sexual health screens, contraceptive advice etc.
Play safely! 
(The company will not reimburse you for cost of lube though, don’t take the piss)  |
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"*Woody leans over to his colleague.
“hey Joe, does your milk taste funny in your coffee?”"
McLovin leans over, why does this tea taste so good today? Reminds me of something I tasted before but can't quite put my finger on  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"From: Beans, Joe
To: Woman, Petite
Subject: Further Opportunities
Dear PW,
Hope you're well. I just wanted to get in touch as I was looking for more opportunities in my role and was hope you could assist in aiding me reach my potential.
I'm motivated, highly skilled, and eager to please and really think some 1 to 1 sessions can really help me progress and I'm sure I could rise to the occasion.
Please let me know if this might interest you in any way.
Many Wanks,
Joe"
From: Woman, Petite
To: Beans, Joe
Subject: Further Opportunities
Dear Joe.
Thank you for you interest in more opportunities with your in role. At present there are a backlog of applications that remain unattended to. This is mainly due to the inept staff employed to manage the inbox. However, there are several vacancies at present. Unfortunately you are outside the age range for one of them and the other two roles require a pair or a female member of staff.
Please concentrate on your personal growth each day, usually the morning, and attend to an areas that you feel need your focus accordingly. I would advise approaching other depts or colleagues with the office for any further progression.
Kinky regards
PW |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"*Woody leans over to his colleague.
“hey Joe, does your milk taste funny in your coffee?”
McLovin leans over, why does this tea taste so good today? Reminds me of something I tasted before but can't quite put my finger on "
I always thought tea tasted of piss. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
From: Woman, Petite
To: IT, dept
Subject: Spell check
Dear Tech Guys
Could you please come assist me with my spell check application. I will need regular assistance, preferably with two of you once. I seem to be struggling with missing digits and repetitive thrusts that miss the intended target.
Kinky Regards
PW |
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"Brenden the bloody manager has been caught maasterbating at work while Brenda been photocopying her ass. This is not appropriate behaviour for the work place."
Surely that’s entirely appropriate behaviour - in the FAB office at least. |
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Dear HR
Please can you advise why my day Hotel receipts and minibus hire have not been accepted and refunded into my account.
These have been specifically booked for team building exercises as you know.
These were arranged during working hours along with the after hotel coach club tour activities that I organised. This was to enable us to bring the teams to together and bond with twister and pin the plug on Donna games.
I have also been asked if you can ensure that paracetamol can be put into the first aid box. Big dave is still suffering with his reception bonding migraine. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"*Woody leans over to his colleague.
“hey Joe, does your milk taste funny in your coffee?”"
I thought that was the coffee! It does taste a bit lemony to me  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"From: Woman, Petite
To: Beans, Joe
Subject: Further Opportunities
Dear Joe.
Thank you for you interest in more opportunities with your in role. At present there are a backlog of applications that remain unattended to. This is mainly due to the inept staff employed to manage the inbox. However, there are several vacancies at present. Unfortunately you are outside the age range for one of them and the other two roles require a pair or a female member of staff.
Please concentrate on your personal growth each day, usually the morning, and attend to an areas that you feel need your focus accordingly. I would advise approaching other depts or colleagues with the office for any further progression.
Kinky regards
PW"
From: Beans, Joe
To: Woman, Petite
Subject: RE: Further Opportunities
Dear PW,
Thank you for the swift response. I'm disappointed that there are no available openings at the minute, but hopefully some will become available for me so I can get my head down work hard to prove myself.
I'll not put a report into HR about the age discrimination you've put into writing but if there are any rejected female applicants, please send them my way and hopefully we can work together to impress you!
Many thanks,
Sam |
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By *ruceyyMan
over a year ago
London |
To HR
The floors in the disabled toilet are slippery again. Can you please remind all colleagues that the toilet is the only thing fluids should be going into. I nearly slipped and smacked my head on the rim while attending my relaxing morning defecation.
Yours,
Brucey |
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"From: Woman, Petite
To: IT, dept
Subject: Spell check
Dear Tech Guys
Could you please come assist me with my spell check application. I will need regular assistance, preferably with two of you once. I seem to be struggling with missing digits and repetitive thrusts that miss the intended target.
Kinky Regards
PW"
Dear PW,
Please reboot your computer, if that doesn't fix it, come back and remind me later as I'm busy downloading hardcore porn on this amazing T1 internet connection.
We'd help but my colleague Jed is knocking one out in toilets over the new receptionist. She's so hot! Anyhow we don't really give a crap, and you are wasting my valuable masturbatory period.
Yours truly
The IT Dept. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"And it's the first day back after a fab sunny nudist holiday.
Anyone who comments on the thread is automatically staff.
Write a brief 'email' to a 'colleague' on the thread that's work orientated but has a naughty kinky meaning.
69th person to comment is the CEO.
"
Dear PW,
I’d just like to say how fantastic it is working alongside Joe Beans. He really is a joy to look at!
Kind regards,
Fluffy Chicken |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Maintenance announcement
We discovered the source of the annoying buzzing in the downstairs boardroom
Would the owner or the 8" neon pink vibrating butt plug please collect it from the maintenance stores as soon as possible please
Wonko the handy man |
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"Would anyone like a cup of tea? "
I'll have one with extra milk, would it be ok if I licked it off your boobs?
Is that a thing? It sure beats drinking it out of a worn out old china mug
Chinese boobs are also acceptable. Let's be equal opportunities about this.  |
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To: All staff
Subject: Staff appraisal
Please remember quarterly appraisals are due this month. Please book some time with your line manager to review conquests, and confirm performances meet with company standards.
A reminder that company policy is for all appraisals to take place in person and without clothes. Exceptions will only be made for staff where HR have agreed they are more attractive clothed than naked.
Staff marked as "exceeding expectations" will receive special benefits this quarter. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Maintenance announcement
We discovered the source of the annoying buzzing in the downstairs boardroom
Would the owner or the 8" neon pink vibrating butt plug please collect it from the maintenance stores as soon as possible please
Wonko the handy man"
I don’t know how that got there. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Maintenance announcement
We discovered the source of the annoying buzzing in the downstairs boardroom
Would the owner or the 8" neon pink vibrating butt plug please collect it from the maintenance stores as soon as possible please
Wonko the handy man
I don’t know how that got there. "
We are fed up of finding you "belonging" hidden in operational equipment. The next incident will result in an official spanking on your record |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Maintenance announcement
We discovered the source of the annoying buzzing in the downstairs boardroom
Would the owner or the 8" neon pink vibrating butt plug please collect it from the maintenance stores as soon as possible please
Wonko the handy man
I don’t know how that got there.
We are fed up of finding you "belonging" hidden in operational equipment. The next incident will result in an official spanking on your record "
Can I counteroffer with a £69 fine instead of the spanking? |
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"From: Beans, Joe
To: Woman, Petite
Subject: Further Opportunities
Dear PW,
Hope you're well. I just wanted to get in touch as I was looking for more opportunities in my role and was hope you could assist in aiding me reach my potential.
I'm motivated, highly skilled, and eager to please and really think some 1 to 1 sessions can really help me progress and I'm sure I could rise to the occasion.
Please let me know if this might interest you in any way.
Many Wanks,
Joe
From: Woman, Petite
To: Beans, Joe
Subject: Further Opportunities
Dear Joe.
Thank you for you interest in more opportunities with your in role. At present there are a backlog of applications that remain unattended to. This is mainly due to the inept staff employed to manage the inbox. However, there are several vacancies at present. Unfortunately you are outside the age range for one of them and the other two roles require a pair or a female member of staff.
Please concentrate on your personal growth each day, usually the morning, and attend to an areas that you feel need your focus accordingly. I would advise approaching other depts or colleagues with the office for any further progression.
Kinky regards
PW"
To Woman, Petite
From Peaks, Misty
Ref: Job Opportunity
I note that I have relevant skills for this position (or indeed multiple positions)
I am
A) old
B) female
I currently don’t work well within a team, but have been working on this in my free time. I’m very much a people person. I’m a natural leader, although I definitely need to work on my skills in taking direction from others.
I attach my Cuntriculum Vitae for your perusal
Kind regards Misty |
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To All
Who ever drilled a hole in the ladies toilet cubicle please own up. There is currently a queue of the warehouse lads out the door all along to reception it looks bad for visitors.
Could someone fix it please after I've investigated it first. |
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"To All
Who ever drilled a hole in the ladies toilet cubicle please own up. There is currently a queue of the warehouse lads out the door all along to reception it looks bad for visitors.
Could someone fix it please after I've investigated it first."
I have fixed the lack of a hole in the male toilets. Warehouse lads are now busy noshing each other off and queue is greatly reduced.
Sorry to any ladies hoping for an afternoon glory break but all the lads look drained and it's only lunchtime. |
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"
Woody! You know the IT helpdesk can still see that stuff right?
Note from an actual IT help desk guy, we don't need your browser, we log everything that goes through the company firewalls. We are watching everything."
Perverts  |
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"To HR
The floors in the disabled toilet are slippery again. Can you please remind all colleagues that the toilet is the only thing fluids should be going into. I nearly slipped and smacked my head on the rim while attending my relaxing morning defecation.
Yours,
Brucey"
From: KC, Mrs
To: Operations Team
Re: Misuse of disabled toilet facilities
Dear Ops Team,
Please can you send out an "all staff" email to remind everyone that the disabled toilet is not a relaxing place to lay a log at 11:00 on a Tuesday morning. It is an essential facility for those who need the extra space and the handrails for their bodily functions and personal ablutions.
Kind regards,
Mrs KC
PS: Please can you empty the bin in there, it's full of used condoms |
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"*pisses in the milk in the fridge*
Post it note on milk in fridge:
Donations for the sperm bank - keep sealed. "
Another post it note in the fridge:
Stop spunking in the milk, use the provided spunk pot. |
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"To HR
The floors in the disabled toilet are slippery again. Can you please remind all colleagues that the toilet is the only thing fluids should be going into. I nearly slipped and smacked my head on the rim while attending my relaxing morning defecation.
Yours,
Brucey
From: KC, Mrs
To: Operations Team
Re: Misuse of disabled toilet facilities
Dear Ops Team,
Please can you send out an "all staff" email to remind everyone that the disabled toilet is not a relaxing place to lay a log at 11:00 on a Tuesday morning. It is an essential facility for those who need the extra space and the handrails for their bodily functions and personal ablutions.
Kind regards,
Mrs KC
PS: Please can you empty the bin in there, it's full of used condoms "
To:all staff
From: Building services
Please stop laying logs on people in the disabled toilet. We have already had some near miss falls on the slippery floors.
Offenders caught in the act will be spanked severely, we are watching.
Toilet will also be out of order next Monday for installation of a bigger bin. Brian from accounts has generously offered to look after any items for the bin whilst it is replaced. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Maintenance announcement
We discovered the source of the annoying buzzing in the downstairs boardroom
Would the owner or the 8" neon pink vibrating butt plug please collect it from the maintenance stores as soon as possible please
Wonko the handy man
I don’t know how that got there.
We are fed up of finding you "belonging" hidden in operational equipment. The next incident will result in an official spanking on your record
Can I counteroffer with a £69 fine instead of the spanking? "
We only accept payment in titcoin these days |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Administration.. Please leave your clothes on way out and kiss my arse. You do not own those glad rags..
Leave them by the lobby
Knickers
Boxers
Boots
Trainers...
Thank you for helping you may leave now. Photo shoot on your way out..
Please make all that noise on your out..quiet lot |
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By *hav02Man
over a year ago
Glasgow/London |
Dear staff,
Fuck-a-Fella Fridays will be reintroduced this Friday for all Gold Members.
The Gloryhole Pods must be booked in advance only.
Can male staff stop using the photocopier for distributing copies of their dicks to the female staff. This is degrading the copy function. 
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"From: Beans, Joe
To: Woman, Petite
Subject: Further Opportunities
Dear PW,
Hope you're well. I just wanted to get in touch as I was looking for more opportunities in my role and was hope you could assist in aiding me reach my potential.
I'm motivated, highly skilled, and eager to please and really think some 1 to 1 sessions can really help me progress and I'm sure I could rise to the occasion.
Please let me know if this might interest you in any way.
Many Wanks,
Joe
From: Woman, Petite
To: Beans, Joe
Subject: Further Opportunities
Dear Joe.
Thank you for you interest in more opportunities with your in role. At present there are a backlog of applications that remain unattended to. This is mainly due to the inept staff employed to manage the inbox. However, there are several vacancies at present. Unfortunately you are outside the age range for one of them and the other two roles require a pair or a female member of staff.
Please concentrate on your personal growth each day, usually the morning, and attend to an areas that you feel need your focus accordingly. I would advise approaching other depts or colleagues with the office for any further progression.
Kinky regards
PW"
Ageist!! HR informed.
Last day temping in this Circus. Pheeeew. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Maintenance announcement
We discovered the source of the annoying buzzing in the downstairs boardroom
Would the owner or the 8" neon pink vibrating butt plug please collect it from the maintenance stores as soon as possible please
Wonko the handy man"
Hand it over inperson,by hand.
Not ao handy are you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Maintenance announcement
We discovered the source of the annoying buzzing in the downstairs boardroom
Would the owner or the 8" neon pink vibrating butt plug please collect it from the maintenance stores as soon as possible please
Wonko the handy man
I don’t know how that got there.
We are fed up of finding you "belonging" hidden in operational equipment. The next incident will result in an official spanking on your record
Can I counteroffer with a £69 fine instead of the spanking?
We only accept payment in titcoin these days "
"Shitecoin " |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Maintenance notice
The magnet letters on the maintenance board are to indicate what the maintenance staff are working on and where within the building.
They are not for the staff to practice their rude scrabble words on. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Now there’s a CEO, just wanted to check if it’s a first in first out policy? I think if you’re first in I won’t be the first out… x"
I'm not in so I can't be out |
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