Hi our son is 18 and believes he is actually a girl, we have no problem with that what so ever, we have been to LGBTQ meets with them and been to the GP to start the paperwork for possible gender reassignment, we ar finding it hard to remember to call them Kate rather the Ethan as that was their name for nearly 18 year but we are getting there do any of TV community on here have any advice for Kate or us please? |
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"Love how accepting you are. Kate is lucky."
I'll second that.
My youngest transgendered from female to male.
The toughest part for me was when they changed their name by deed poll.
It felt like a bereavement but it only lasted a couple of weeks.
As their appearance changed, then I would never occur to me to use their, "deadname."
All the best. |
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"I may be totally wrong but isn't a TV a man who dresses as a woman but is not a transgender person who wants to be a different sex "
That's my understanding of it.
It's a minor quibble in terminology
But I guess OP meant TS or TG |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hi our son is 18 and believes he is actually a girl, we have no problem with that what so ever, we have been to LGBTQ meets with them and been to the GP to start the paperwork for possible gender reassignment, we ar finding it hard to remember to call them Kate rather the Ethan as that was their name for nearly 18 year but we are getting there do any of TV community on here have any advice for Kate or us please?"
I don't really know what to suggest, certainly not on here publicly..
But Kate is extremely lucky and already has the best support possible and as such, a massive head start.
I wish all of you the best possible future.
Feel free to pm me anytime, day or night if you want to chat.
Sharon xxx  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hi our son is 18 and believes he is actually a girl, we have no problem with that what so ever, we have been to LGBTQ meets with them and been to the GP to start the paperwork for possible gender reassignment, we ar finding it hard to remember to call them Kate rather the Ethan as that was their name for nearly 18 year but we are getting there do any of TV community on here have any advice for Kate or us please?"
Give her time to work this out, and don’t best yourself up for getting her name wrong. Take her out to non lgbtq places, maybe away from home, to give her space to try out her identity and feel at home in it without pressure or judgement. No one wants to practice in front of their home audience. Transition isn’t her only path forwards, so give her opportunities to see that and understand what they might look like. She can embody a feminine identity without surgery if that’s her path. Avoid the trans charities - many are very militant and don’t really help. She is 18 so needs to explore the world a little before she finds her feet, and it sounds like you’ll be with her all the way. |
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Thank you, my biggest "problem" is that we live in a town which is not very forward thinking, Kate is now 18 and starting to go out drinking and even when they dress as a boy they still look feminine, Kate couldn't careless, but I worry every time they go out. |
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"Thank you, my biggest "problem" is that we live in a town which is not very forward thinking, Kate is now 18 and starting to go out drinking and even when they dress as a boy they still look feminine, Kate couldn't careless, but I worry every time they go out."
I used to think like that, as I was a young adult when, "queer bashing" was a popular part-time.
People are far more accepting nowadays, especially the younger generation.
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"Thank you, my biggest "problem" is that we live in a town which is not very forward thinking, Kate is now 18 and starting to go out drinking and even when they dress as a boy they still look feminine, Kate couldn't careless, but I worry every time they go out."
For what it's worth I believe the younger generation are far more accepting of people in Kate's position and if Kate is mixing with good friends they will be protective when out socialising. If she is happy and as you say 'couldn't care less that's good. If you see her mental heath suffering then that's a flag to be concerned and seek help and advice. Kate is young and has time to discover her true self without any pressure to pursue a defined pathway. It's natural for you to worry but it is good that you are so supportive, she needs that support. Kate needs the space and time to find her true self and it's good you seem to communicate well with Kate.
Small towns and villages are not the easiest of places to accept people in Kate's position unfortunately.
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"Thank you all"
The data on trans identifying teens is pretty conclusive. Late onset gender dysphoria has a roughly 80% desistance rate over 10 years with that proportion almost entirely settling on gay and cis. As they are an adult all you can do is be there for them as they make their own decisions but please do read the Cass review into practices at the Tavistock clinic. |
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You could potentially enlist Kate's friends to look out for her, when she's in public. Assuming that they're younger than us, ie her age, they possibly won't understand that others may not be as accepting etc but don't have our older heads, so may not appreciate how things could be.
Her friends are probably doing this but it could still be worth a chat with them, to bring it into the open.
There are also some people who are sexually aggressive etc, so it would be essential for her never to be harmed by anyone like that, including by someone who may have sex and then project their internalised anger onto the woman they've just had sexual activity with.
She's fortunate to have you lovely people as parents!
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"Hi our son is 18 and believes he is actually a girl, we have no problem with that what so ever, we have been to LGBTQ meets with them and been to the GP to start the paperwork for possible gender reassignment, we ar finding it hard to remember to call them Kate rather the Ethan as that was their name for nearly 18 year but we are getting there do any of TV community on here have any advice for Kate or us please?"
Curious why hes asked to be referred to as 'they' even though he believes hes a girl. I thought those who went by 'they' believed they were neither boy nor girl? |
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All credit to you both on how you are dealing Kates situation. Hopefully with your help their journey will be made much easier.
I certainly would’ve appreciated to have had parents like yourself when I was younger and confused about how I was feeling about my feminine side.
My only advice is keep doing what you’re doing, I’m a parent I love my children and will support them in whatever way I can, just like yourselves, so hopefully they’ll find their way eventually.
Good luck to you all  |
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