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Advice, thoughts, opinions
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Right this isn't a "they should", "men are" "women could" bla bla bla thread. Everyone should spend time with people they want to be with and do what ever they want.
As a single guy the states if you will are stacked against me, that's fine, that's life, I'm fine with that. I struggle to sell myself via my profile readily admit that and no idea how to do it, I've tried. I'm not in great shape currently either. All good and fine.
The advice I need is that I suffer with an Anxiety Disorder, im really open about it. Its not a taboo topic for me. I've tried to find people or somone to meet for a social on here, the idea being I could then potenially attend clubs and events with them. So far zero success, even threads on here have had zero replies.
I had booked to go to a club Sunday because thats whats suggested to meet people but the thought of going literally fills me with dread and Anxiety. Like not nerves or butterfly's like almost a full on break down (like a breakdown can't stress that enough). I think a group social would be the same if not worse.
I am going to take a break from fab for a mixture of reasons but I'd like this advice so I can put it into practice when I return.
So What can I do to break this, I can't be alone here, it's frustrating and it's doing my head in basically.
If you had this, what did you do?
Is there a way around this?
Am I doomed in this section of the world?
Any tips, doesn't have to be public, happy if you drop me a message.
I'm literally just wanting people more experienced then me to give me some words of wisdom so I can enjoy this world of fab/swinging.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You’re not alone in feeling like that about clubs. We sat outside a club for about an hour on our first visit and almost turned around and came home.
I think it’s one of those things where you just have to work up the courage and go for it. Once you’re inside you’ll realise that most of your problems were inside your head.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hey fellow squishy head friend. I suffer with social anxiety too.
You are going to have people on here tell you to push your boundaries, to just go and have a great time. In reality you have an underlying mental health problem that you need to try and come to terms with and pushing yourself to do something isn't going to help with that.
You need to work out what you are comfortable with and work on that. Maybe try and find someone to take with you, create a MM profile with another guy in the area and go on socials together, ask on a socials forum to tag alone with someone else.
Forcing yourself to do something with no coping mechanism does more harm than good.
Dr. Quinn |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Also I wouldn’t worry too much about your body shape. I’m in worse shape than you and still get attention in clubs and I’ve seen 6’5” blokes with the body of a Greek god get no attention whatsoever. |
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"Hey fellow squishy head friend. I suffer with social anxiety too.
You are going to have people on here tell you to push your boundaries, to just go and have a great time. In reality you have an underlying mental health problem that you need to try and come to terms with and pushing yourself to do something isn't going to help with that.
You need to work out what you are comfortable with and work on that. Maybe try and find someone to take with you, create a MM profile with another guy in the area and go on socials together, ask on a socials forum to tag alone with someone else.
Forcing yourself to do something with no coping mechanism does more harm than good.
Dr. Quinn"
Thank you for that, really appreciate it. I'm at peace and come to terms with my "illness" as I think i ever will be. I don't see it as a illness because without it I'd be someone else.
It's difficult because as we know there are a lot of fake M's on here but I hadn't actually thought of that as an idea. Thank you. |
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"Also I wouldn’t worry too much about your body shape. I’m in worse shape than you and still get attention in clubs and I’ve seen 6’5” blokes with the body of a Greek god get no attention whatsoever."
Thank you, I'll just quote this reply. Its hard, I'm quite shy and happy to sort of blend in at events and stand in the corner and I know that wouldn't do me any good in a club.
Thank you for you're help, have a great evening. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think the standard advice that gets batted about for guys is "go to a social" "go to a club", most saying it wouldn't dare do it themselves.
If it's not for you then don't do it. I know I wouldn't!
I also wouldn't think too much about any rejection on here, it doesn't mean anything. Fab is not a place to seek validation, it's full of inflated egos and to be quite honest, utter cunts at times.
If I was a guy ( I'm not I checked!!) I'd just use fab for fun, don't put pressure on yourself, just be you. And go out and meet people, go on other sites.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Also I wouldn’t worry too much about your body shape. I’m in worse shape than you and still get attention in clubs and I’ve seen 6’5” blokes with the body of a Greek god get no attention whatsoever.
Thank you, I'll just quote this reply. Its hard, I'm quite shy and happy to sort of blend in at events and stand in the corner and I know that wouldn't do me any good in a club.
Thank you for you're help, have a great evening. "
Of you go to a club and just stand in the corner you have passed the first hurdle. Most clubs will have a host that shows newbies around and iniates introductions if wanted. I often go to places and sit by myself. I'm quite happy in my own company. Outside of swinging or kink do you go to the pub/cinema or restaurants by yourself? |
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"Also I wouldn’t worry too much about your body shape. I’m in worse shape than you and still get attention in clubs and I’ve seen 6’5” blokes with the body of a Greek god get no attention whatsoever.
Thank you, I'll just quote this reply. Its hard, I'm quite shy and happy to sort of blend in at events and stand in the corner and I know that wouldn't do me any good in a club.
Thank you for you're help, have a great evening.
Of you go to a club and just stand in the corner you have passed the first hurdle. Most clubs will have a host that shows newbies around and iniates introductions if wanted. I often go to places and sit by myself. I'm quite happy in my own company. Outside of swinging or kink do you go to the pub/cinema or restaurants by yourself? "
I do yeah, I travel a lot because of my internship and what I'm working towards as a career, so I spend a lot of time alone and happy to.
I think if I went to a club I'd feel more on show and people wondering why I was so withdrawn or that I was weird. I'm not going into a club expecting to have fun or anything because I'm aware that isn't always the case. |
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"I think the standard advice that gets batted about for guys is "go to a social" "go to a club", most saying it wouldn't dare do it themselves.
If it's not for you then don't do it. I know I wouldn't!
I also wouldn't think too much about any rejection on here, it doesn't mean anything. Fab is not a place to seek validation, it's full of inflated egos and to be quite honest, utter cunts at times.
If I was a guy ( I'm not I checked!!) I'd just use fab for fun, don't put pressure on yourself, just be you. And go out and meet people, go on other sites.
"
There is a few cunts on here I agree. Thank you tho, I'll look into the other sites as well. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Op any good club will make you feel welcome best thing I can say is treat it like a pub with extra rooms if say you click with someone
Most people at the club will chat away social to you even if play isn’t on the table you have a wonderful time trust me
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My best advice would be to rely on the real world more than the fab world. You could subtly bring up the subjuct with people you know and are comfortable with while just chatting about silly stuff. If bringing up the subject gets a bit of interest from a friend then roll with it and see if they'd entertain the idea of going to a social or club with you to just to satisfy curiosity, if they're not interested you can just laugh it off as just a passing thought and move on. There are more people out in the real world who are curious about swinging, clubs and socials than you'd think but don't have the courage to bring the subject up with other people. I'd honestly say a single male on fab has more chance of getting someone from their own social circle to help them dip their toes in the lifestyle than they would from this site. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Also I wouldn’t worry too much about your body shape. I’m in worse shape than you and still get attention in clubs and I’ve seen 6’5” blokes with the body of a Greek god get no attention whatsoever.
Thank you, I'll just quote this reply. Its hard, I'm quite shy and happy to sort of blend in at events and stand in the corner and I know that wouldn't do me any good in a club.
Thank you for you're help, have a great evening.
Of you go to a club and just stand in the corner you have passed the first hurdle. Most clubs will have a host that shows newbies around and iniates introductions if wanted. I often go to places and sit by myself. I'm quite happy in my own company. Outside of swinging or kink do you go to the pub/cinema or restaurants by yourself?
I do yeah, I travel a lot because of my internship and what I'm working towards as a career, so I spend a lot of time alone and happy to.
I think if I went to a club I'd feel more on show and people wondering why I was so withdrawn or that I was weird. I'm not going into a club expecting to have fun or anything because I'm aware that isn't always the case. "
I see lots of new single men at clubs and a fair few come with the mindset of just sitting back and seeing how the land lies. Most people understand that clubs are not brothels, there is never any guaranteed play. I've been to events and not played. Sometimes is nice just being in an adult environment enjoying a few drinks. |
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I can understand going to a club for the first time is daunting.
It was helpful that the first time I went it was a group social and knowing people via the group on Kik helped prior to meeting in person.
Now I've been to clubs several times. I can say ( and yes it's now easy for me to say) that there's nothing to worry about.
But ...I'd say this...pick your club carefully. Let them know your new ...get the tour ask if there are other newbies..get the tour together...it's easier to chat to people getting the tour with you.
And chill with a drink ...once you've realised in many aspects it's just like going to a bar...you'll hopefully relax a little. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Also I wouldn’t worry too much about your body shape. I’m in worse shape than you and still get attention in clubs and I’ve seen 6’5” blokes with the body of a Greek god get no attention whatsoever.
Thank you, I'll just quote this reply. Its hard, I'm quite shy and happy to sort of blend in at events and stand in the corner and I know that wouldn't do me any good in a club.
Thank you for you're help, have a great evening.
Of you go to a club and just stand in the corner you have passed the first hurdle. Most clubs will have a host that shows newbies around and iniates introductions if wanted. I often go to places and sit by myself. I'm quite happy in my own company. Outside of swinging or kink do you go to the pub/cinema or restaurants by yourself?
I do yeah, I travel a lot because of my internship and what I'm working towards as a career, so I spend a lot of time alone and happy to.
I think if I went to a club I'd feel more on show and people wondering why I was so withdrawn or that I was weird. I'm not going into a club expecting to have fun or anything because I'm aware that isn't always the case.
I see lots of new single men at clubs and a fair few come with the mindset of just sitting back and seeing how the land lies. Most people understand that clubs are not brothels, there is never any guaranteed play. I've been to events and not played. Sometimes is nice just being in an adult environment enjoying a few drinks. "
I think OP isn't worried about the play aspect, rather the group aspect. Correct me if I am wrong bud. I know for me it doesn't matter if its a club or a pub, meeting an established group of people who are already comfortable in an environment can make you want to breakdown. |
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"Also I wouldn’t worry too much about your body shape. I’m in worse shape than you and still get attention in clubs and I’ve seen 6’5” blokes with the body of a Greek god get no attention whatsoever.
Thank you, I'll just quote this reply. Its hard, I'm quite shy and happy to sort of blend in at events and stand in the corner and I know that wouldn't do me any good in a club.
Thank you for you're help, have a great evening.
Of you go to a club and just stand in the corner you have passed the first hurdle. Most clubs will have a host that shows newbies around and iniates introductions if wanted. I often go to places and sit by myself. I'm quite happy in my own company. Outside of swinging or kink do you go to the pub/cinema or restaurants by yourself?
I do yeah, I travel a lot because of my internship and what I'm working towards as a career, so I spend a lot of time alone and happy to.
I think if I went to a club I'd feel more on show and people wondering why I was so withdrawn or that I was weird. I'm not going into a club expecting to have fun or anything because I'm aware that isn't always the case.
I see lots of new single men at clubs and a fair few come with the mindset of just sitting back and seeing how the land lies. Most people understand that clubs are not brothels, there is never any guaranteed play. I've been to events and not played. Sometimes is nice just being in an adult environment enjoying a few drinks.
I think OP isn't worried about the play aspect, rather the group aspect. Correct me if I am wrong bud. I know for me it doesn't matter if its a club or a pub, meeting an established group of people who are already comfortable in an environment can make you want to breakdown. "
Play isn't even on my radar in a club setting, one step at a time. If it happened so be it but yeah one step at a time.
I'm very quietly spoken and just awkward in all social settings with new people. One on one I'm OK. I do big group things for my internship and I'm a mess, thankfully my work does the talking but that isn't an option in a club.
It's all great advice and I really appreciate this everyone. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Also I wouldn’t worry too much about your body shape. I’m in worse shape than you and still get attention in clubs and I’ve seen 6’5” blokes with the body of a Greek god get no attention whatsoever.
Thank you, I'll just quote this reply. Its hard, I'm quite shy and happy to sort of blend in at events and stand in the corner and I know that wouldn't do me any good in a club.
Thank you for you're help, have a great evening.
Of you go to a club and just stand in the corner you have passed the first hurdle. Most clubs will have a host that shows newbies around and iniates introductions if wanted. I often go to places and sit by myself. I'm quite happy in my own company. Outside of swinging or kink do you go to the pub/cinema or restaurants by yourself?
I do yeah, I travel a lot because of my internship and what I'm working towards as a career, so I spend a lot of time alone and happy to.
I think if I went to a club I'd feel more on show and people wondering why I was so withdrawn or that I was weird. I'm not going into a club expecting to have fun or anything because I'm aware that isn't always the case.
I see lots of new single men at clubs and a fair few come with the mindset of just sitting back and seeing how the land lies. Most people understand that clubs are not brothels, there is never any guaranteed play. I've been to events and not played. Sometimes is nice just being in an adult environment enjoying a few drinks.
I think OP isn't worried about the play aspect, rather the group aspect. Correct me if I am wrong bud. I know for me it doesn't matter if its a club or a pub, meeting an established group of people who are already comfortable in an environment can make you want to breakdown.
Play isn't even on my radar in a club setting, one step at a time. If it happened so be it but yeah one step at a time.
I'm very quietly spoken and just awkward in all social settings with new people. One on one I'm OK. I do big group things for my internship and I'm a mess, thankfully my work does the talking but that isn't an option in a club.
It's all great advice and I really appreciate this everyone. "
I am right there with you mate. You are describing how I have felt in the past. Honestly don't push yourself to do something that is going to cause more harm. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Also I wouldn’t worry too much about your body shape. I’m in worse shape than you and still get attention in clubs and I’ve seen 6’5” blokes with the body of a Greek god get no attention whatsoever.
Thank you, I'll just quote this reply. Its hard, I'm quite shy and happy to sort of blend in at events and stand in the corner and I know that wouldn't do me any good in a club.
Thank you for you're help, have a great evening.
Of you go to a club and just stand in the corner you have passed the first hurdle. Most clubs will have a host that shows newbies around and iniates introductions if wanted. I often go to places and sit by myself. I'm quite happy in my own company. Outside of swinging or kink do you go to the pub/cinema or restaurants by yourself?
I do yeah, I travel a lot because of my internship and what I'm working towards as a career, so I spend a lot of time alone and happy to.
I think if I went to a club I'd feel more on show and people wondering why I was so withdrawn or that I was weird. I'm not going into a club expecting to have fun or anything because I'm aware that isn't always the case.
I see lots of new single men at clubs and a fair few come with the mindset of just sitting back and seeing how the land lies. Most people understand that clubs are not brothels, there is never any guaranteed play. I've been to events and not played. Sometimes is nice just being in an adult environment enjoying a few drinks.
I think OP isn't worried about the play aspect, rather the group aspect. Correct me if I am wrong bud. I know for me it doesn't matter if its a club or a pub, meeting an established group of people who are already comfortable in an environment can make you want to breakdown. "
The op mentioned that he wasn't going to a club and expecting to "have fun"
I was merely pointing out that clubs are no pressure environments where its OK to just enjoy a drink and soak in the atmosphere. |
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"Also I wouldn’t worry too much about your body shape. I’m in worse shape than you and still get attention in clubs and I’ve seen 6’5” blokes with the body of a Greek god get no attention whatsoever.
Thank you, I'll just quote this reply. Its hard, I'm quite shy and happy to sort of blend in at events and stand in the corner and I know that wouldn't do me any good in a club.
Thank you for you're help, have a great evening.
Of you go to a club and just stand in the corner you have passed the first hurdle. Most clubs will have a host that shows newbies around and iniates introductions if wanted. I often go to places and sit by myself. I'm quite happy in my own company. Outside of swinging or kink do you go to the pub/cinema or restaurants by yourself?
I do yeah, I travel a lot because of my internship and what I'm working towards as a career, so I spend a lot of time alone and happy to.
I think if I went to a club I'd feel more on show and people wondering why I was so withdrawn or that I was weird. I'm not going into a club expecting to have fun or anything because I'm aware that isn't always the case.
I see lots of new single men at clubs and a fair few come with the mindset of just sitting back and seeing how the land lies. Most people understand that clubs are not brothels, there is never any guaranteed play. I've been to events and not played. Sometimes is nice just being in an adult environment enjoying a few drinks.
I think OP isn't worried about the play aspect, rather the group aspect. Correct me if I am wrong bud. I know for me it doesn't matter if its a club or a pub, meeting an established group of people who are already comfortable in an environment can make you want to breakdown.
The op mentioned that he wasn't going to a club and expecting to "have fun"
I was merely pointing out that clubs are no pressure environments where its OK to just enjoy a drink and soak in the atmosphere. "
No I did and as and when...one day I do go that's what I'll probably end up doing. |
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"Hey fellow squishy head friend. I suffer with social anxiety too.
You are going to have people on here tell you to push your boundaries, to just go and have a great time. In reality you have an underlying mental health problem that you need to try and come to terms with and pushing yourself to do something isn't going to help with that.
You need to work out what you are comfortable with and work on that. Maybe try and find someone to take with you, create a MM profile with another guy in the area and go on socials together, ask on a socials forum to tag alone with someone else.
Forcing yourself to do something with no coping mechanism does more harm than good.
Dr. Quinn"
Nothing to add here except that I think this is REALLY good advice. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hey fellow squishy head friend. I suffer with social anxiety too.
You are going to have people on here tell you to push your boundaries, to just go and have a great time. In reality you have an underlying mental health problem that you need to try and come to terms with and pushing yourself to do something isn't going to help with that.
You need to work out what you are comfortable with and work on that. Maybe try and find someone to take with you, create a MM profile with another guy in the area and go on socials together, ask on a socials forum to tag alone with someone else.
Forcing yourself to do something with no coping mechanism does more harm than good.
Dr. Quinn
Nothing to add here except that I think this is REALLY good advice."
Cheers friend! |
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Squishy head friend.... totally get this.... I have depression and anxiety, so always happy to lend an ear, both even ... I was fortunate in that my first time in a club was with a friend who has long been in the scene so he was there to hold my hand and reassure me... like Dr Quinn said don't put pressure on yourself to do these things, only do them when you feel ready.. and if you feel ready and you're ever in the area I'd be happy to go to somewhere like Temptations in Bournemouth it's quite small but very friendly and a good place for a newbie xx |
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