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There is a link between many sex partners to hard to find one partner.
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By *hagTonight OP Man
over a year ago
From the land of haribos. |
I was listening to something interesting yesterday and that was that there is a link to those with many sex partners who would find it difficult to find a partner to settle down and form a relationship with.
I gather that the reason could be because they have gotten so used seeing so many partners, it would be boring to have just 1, no doubt some could do it, but not many.
What is your view about it and have you been able to settle down to 1 partner?
Would it also be hard to let go of all the other sex partners?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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For me nothing would really change in that term as I not looking for closed off relationships anymore
I have come to the understanding and conclusion that relationships trancend sex
And why have relationships get ruined because someone cheated or someone isn’t get anuff sex or what ever
Obviously if there is other problems in a relationship then that’s another matter
But I just talking about the sex aspect off things
People may click everywhere apart from the bed room why should the bedroom define a relationship
Why should someone need to compromise a aspect
When it can be sorted by have the relationship open with rules
So cheating dose not happen so that if one person isn’t getting anuff sex or if the bedroom isn’t total fire
Then thay can seek that elsewhere with rules and such
Ie must tell before or after
Obviously before would a planned meet after would be obviously a spontaneous thing out with friends or such
Must come home at night no staying over obviously
must be safe outside the relationship
otherwise it’s all fair game so to speak |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes I have been able to settle down before.
I don't know now if I really would want monogamy back in my life, I never say never though.
I'm currently not looking for anything like that anyway so it's hard to know how I feel about it fully. |
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I am into ploy-relationships but if I found a woman that I connected with on every level, and we both decided to be exclusive to each other, I would not find it difficult. If we have already reached that stage then a bond has already been made to take it to that next level. |
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It could be that people that have had many previous partners have seen lots of different qualities in those people, and know what they want in a long term partner...and what they don't want. You could compare it to buying cars. Someone that's just passed their test with little experience of the workings of an engine might buy the car that's had a botched head gasket repair, but an experienced mechanic is going to see that, realise that's not something he wants in a car and walk away after a test drive. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I love the idea that there is someone out there who would love me as much as I love them and we could be blissfully happy together. We would be more than enough for each other. Life would be fun and everytime would feel like the first time.
In reality I don't think that exists. It could be because I've experienced many things/feelings etc over the years that I want it all, it could be because those men have already been snapped up. It could be because I've got a to a stage where I'm prioritising me and realise I don't need someone to complete me.
I don't think these are bad things and I love that we are no longer expected just to settle.
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I did settle down once for 15 years and it was boring. I think being bisexual makes monogamy more challenging tbh. I think my husband would have been OK with 3somes but we just didn't. I need more than that. I won't ever do monogamy again.
I love feeling liberated and free. It helps that I don't get jealous. The only times I got jealous was when my ex started seeing my bridesmaid I was fuming!
Anyway I would defo be bored with one partner. And I'd be bored without swinging. I like watching people I care about fucking  |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
I think there’s some truth in that yes. Once’s your eyes are opened it’s hard to go back.
Generally you get out what you put in and if you’re wondering if there’s someone better a few clicks away you’re not putting much in |
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By *hagTonight OP Man
over a year ago
From the land of haribos. |
"For me nothing would really change in that term as I not looking for closed off relationships anymore
I have come to the understanding and conclusion that relationships trancend sex
And why have relationships get ruined because someone cheated or someone isn’t get anuff sex or what ever
Obviously if there is other problems in a relationship then that’s another matter
But I just talking about the sex aspect off things
People may click everywhere apart from the bed room why should the bedroom define a relationship
Why should someone need to compromise a aspect
When it can be sorted by have the relationship open with rules
So cheating dose not happen so that if one person isn’t getting anuff sex or if the bedroom isn’t total fire
Then thay can seek that elsewhere with rules and such
Ie must tell before or after
Obviously before would a planned meet after would be obviously a spontaneous thing out with friends or such
Must come home at night no staying over obviously
must be safe outside the relationship
otherwise it’s all fair game so to speak "
That is good that it wouldnt change  |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
The assumption of monogamy is pretty intense in this post!
I’m poly, I have two romantic partners and several sexual ones. I don’t have to let go of anything or anyone. Each partner brings something different to my life and my romantic relationships are fulfilling.
Why would anyone want to give that up for the societal expectation of one person? |
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By *hagTonight OP Man
over a year ago
From the land of haribos. |
"Yes I have been able to settle down before.
I don't know now if I really would want monogamy back in my life, I never say never though.
I'm currently not looking for anything like that anyway so it's hard to know how I feel about it fully. "
That is good that you have been able to settle down before and yes, it would be hard to fully know about it as you say there |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"For me nothing would really change in that term as I not looking for closed off relationships anymore
I have come to the understanding and conclusion that relationships trancend sex
And why have relationships get ruined because someone cheated or someone isn’t get anuff sex or what ever
Obviously if there is other problems in a relationship then that’s another matter
But I just talking about the sex aspect off things
People may click everywhere apart from the bed room why should the bedroom define a relationship
Why should someone need to compromise a aspect
When it can be sorted by have the relationship open with rules
So cheating dose not happen so that if one person isn’t getting anuff sex or if the bedroom isn’t total fire
Then thay can seek that elsewhere with rules and such
Ie must tell before or after
Obviously before would a planned meet after would be obviously a spontaneous thing out with friends or such
Must come home at night no staying over obviously
must be safe outside the relationship
otherwise it’s all fair game so to speak That is good that it wouldnt change "
Thanks |
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"The assumption of monogamy is pretty intense in this post!
I’m poly, I have two romantic partners and several sexual ones. I don’t have to let go of anything or anyone. Each partner brings something different to my life and my romantic relationships are fulfilling.
Why would anyone want to give that up for the societal expectation of one person? "
This!!! |
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I was married and faithful for 22 years.
In my experience the spark disappears after 18 months.
Now I treat relationships like a Primark T-Shirt. I see something I like, I have it for 18 months then I throw it away and get another one.
I can't see that changing ever!
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I don’t know but I suspect a lot of people on fab might have avoidant attachment issues.
Doubtless there are individuals who just find it horny, and couples who are so secure their relationship isn’t rocked by additional sex partners, but still I think there are probably many who have lots of different partners cos despite a part of them wanting a partner they don’t know how to make it happen or are scared of it. |
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I remember reading all that pair bonding nonsense on the incel forums back in the day.
I'm happily promiscuous, and have every intention of continuing to be so. I still feel deeply for my partners. But I'm likely never going to want monogamy. |
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"I was listening to something interesting yesterday and that was that there is a link to those with many sex partners who would find it difficult to find a partner to settle down and form a relationship with.
I gather that the reason could be because they have gotten so used seeing so many partners, it would be boring to have just 1, no doubt some could do it, but not many.
What is your view about it and have you been able to settle down to 1 partner?
Would it also be hard to let go of all the other sex partners? "
Wife and I have an open relationship, lots of people don’t get it, but we are happy. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I was listening to something interesting yesterday and that was that there is a link to those with many sex partners who would find it difficult to find a partner to settle down and form a relationship with.
I gather that the reason could be because they have gotten so used seeing so many partners, it would be boring to have just 1, no doubt some could do it, but not many.
What is your view about it and have you been able to settle down to 1 partner?
Would it also be hard to let go of all the other sex partners? "
I have previously settled with one partner- and I mean literally settled, as in "this will do" a couple of times. Because it was expected of me, basically - meet someone half decent, settle down, have kids etc. Monogamy never felt fulfilling for me, I knew there was something different with me. I haven't had loads of sexual partners and have always wanted to be adventurous but was made to feel like a pervert for wanting to do try new things. Eventually I got to know Mr, and it's like everything finally fell into place. We click on all the levels, and love the fact we both enjoy sharing sexual experiences with other people. So I guess we have settled with each other in the sense that we are exclusive, but share sex with other people...
Mrs |
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By *hagTonight OP Man
over a year ago
From the land of haribos. |
"I think there’s some truth in that yes. Once’s your eyes are opened it’s hard to go back.
Generally you get out what you put in and if you’re wondering if there’s someone better a few clicks away you’re not putting much in "
Yes, that is right, it would be hard to get back as well |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I couldn't settle down with anyone. I've spent years in serial monogamous relationships that never make it past 4 years before I'm after a way out. I don't think I'd ever have a serious relationship again. |
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"Yes I have been able to settle down before.
I don't know now if I really would want monogamy back in my life, I never say never though.
I'm currently not looking for anything like that anyway so it's hard to know how I feel about it fully. "
Same |
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"It could be that people that have had many previous partners have seen lots of different qualities in those people, and know what they want in a long term partner...and what they don't want. You could compare it to buying cars. Someone that's just passed their test with little experience of the workings of an engine might buy the car that's had a botched head gasket repair, but an experienced mechanic is going to see that, realise that's not something he wants in a car and walk away after a test drive. "
I like this. Personally I like all the differences between the people I meet. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don’t know but I suspect a lot of people on fab might have avoidant attachment issues.
Doubtless there are individuals who just find it horny, and couples who are so secure their relationship isn’t rocked by additional sex partners, but still I think there are probably many who have lots of different partners cos despite a part of them wanting a partner they don’t know how to make it happen or are scared of it. "
Nothing wrong with lots of casual sex, but to adopt it permanently? I agree with you. |
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My wife had quite a few sexual partners before we met and was relaxed about that.
We have been married for 30 yrs this year so I assume you could say has committed.
But then we have been playing for more than half our marriage so I suppose you could read into that whatever you want about committing to one partner.
Either way we are happy so that is all that matters |
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By *hagTonight OP Man
over a year ago
From the land of haribos. |
"I actually believe that women like change far more than men, in nearly every aspect of life. So I think it's easier for men to settle down than it is for women.
"
I would also agree with that, that women like change more and for men to settle down easier than women |
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