FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Does Fab go against us?
Does Fab go against us?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I'm currently replaying a conversation I had last week with a friend. He has a rule about not dating people he initially just meets to hook up with.
I've seen it here before too, people openly say they wouldn't date someone they met on Fab.
Why is that?
There's no right or wrong answer. Everyone has preferences.
What is it about being a hook up that would perhaps put people off more?
Why is there a negative view of people on here when it comes to dating?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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For me there’s no negative as long as people are honest and open with their intentions or feelings.
The problem is that sex and intimacy can open emotions especially when that person seems to be “ticking all your boxes” and then those feelings aren’t reciprocated
It also depends on your reason for being here, but that can change overtime
I am open to dating from here if we both have that connection that makes us want to know more |
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we met through a fab kik chat group, now living together as a proper couple, definitely has advantages, we both know exactly what each other likes to do, we know we swing and don't want to stop, we just have rules to make sure we both feel happy, like only meeting people together. it's amazing to be able to talk to openly with my partner (miss) |
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By *hilloutMan
over a year ago
All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest |
I can't speak to the reasons why. I was on fab and not looking to date / have a relationship, quite happy being a man tart. Then I met her through here.
It doesn't matter what medium / platform you use to meet people. When you meet someone special, things develop organically through their own volition.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I can't come to any other conclusion than closed minded people I'm afraid! Having a connection with someone is obvious, therefore if both willing why wouldn't you become closer? People are no more likely to cheat from here than vanilla life!
And if the reason is you've been around a bit too much, then I'm sorry but that is a vanilla hiding in a swinging world! I've got absolutely no time for people that judge that way! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I had a two year relationship with someone I met on fab.
I won't sit there and say I wouldn't again. I'm very averse to a couple thing at the moment but I still need time to calm from that shit thing that happened. My walls are up high. But I don't hate men so that's something.
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Often confuses me.
But it's often built around deep seated monogamous attitudes. eg
- Just on here to play around until I find 'the one'
- Only actually want one partner who happens to be kinky
- Won't date bi or pan people as they inevitably cheat
- Won't date off a Swinging site because that person likes sleeping around and will cheat
There's lots more but you get the idea.
A lot of it is the assumption that 'sex = love' and that you have to be monogamous to raise a healthy family etc.
What's actually turning out to be true is what people don't like is dishonesty and that sex is a biological drive.
An increasing number of people are perfectly happy with open relationships, or some form of polyamory etc. so long as it's safe and the ground rules are agreed on in advance.
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We met here almost 8 years ago,so it obviously didn't go against us.
I have seen ,mostly men say they'd never date anyone from here or share their partner.
I think many are open to more than fun on here tbh.
Miss |
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I think the fact it's Fab is irrelevant to me ..
I just don't want to date atm after a 16 year marriage...
I'm kinda in the FWB 100% bracket as things stand but still show affection and cuddles n shit 
As a fab friend described it " you are kinda into micro relationships " .
As in when I'm with someone they are what matters..
I hope that makes sense because I'm still not sure it does to me still  |
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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago
Derry |
"I'm not actively seeking a relationship, far from it but it just makes me wonder. Why is being sexualy liberated a bad thing? "
Oooof. I could say a lot but I'll ask a question. Could it be that people have different criteria for choosing and those criteria for a hookup and relationship are contrary to each other? |
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I don't understand why people say they wouldn't date anyone they meet on fab, it seems a bit 2 faced to say they wouldn't when they are on here themselves. I don't see the point of building unnecessary walls around yourself either with rules on who you would or wouldn't date, the heart wants what the heart want wants, why miss out on potentially being with your soul mate and a lifetime of happiness just because they did the same thing as yourself before they met you? I might be wrong, but I think those type of people just don't want to commit themselves to anyone anyway, so they just make up a bunch of rules that make it next to impossible to even have to consider a relationship with someone. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm not here actively looking for a relationship but if someone said that to me then I'd not meet them as it smacks of them thinking they are better/I'm not good enough. Obviously it's their choice but would be a block for me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We met here almost 8 years ago,so it obviously didn't go against us.
I have seen ,mostly men say they'd never date anyone from here or share their partner.
I think many are open to more than fun on here tbh.
Miss "
I'd love to know if those same men would admit to their future partner that they were ever on a swinging site having nsa!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think the fact it's Fab is irrelevant to me ..
I just don't want to date atm after a 16 year marriage...
I'm kinda in the FWB 100% bracket as things stand but still show affection and cuddles n shit
As a fab friend described it " you are kinda into micro relationships " .
As in when I'm with someone they are what matters..
I hope that makes sense because I'm still not sure it does to me still "
I think that's a right good description |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm currently replaying a conversation I had last week with a friend. He has a rule about not dating people he initially just meets to hook up with.
I've seen it here before too, people openly say they wouldn't date someone they met on Fab.
Why is that?
There's no right or wrong answer. Everyone has preferences.
What is it about being a hook up that would perhaps put people off more?
Why is there a negative view of people on here when it comes to dating?
"
Meeting someone outside of here in dating is not the same as meeting someone here ,here is sexual bliss .. everyone knows straight away what the other person loves and wants .. outside it's not the same , there's too many ifs and buts and dislikes...not here, if someone meets someone here both are on the same wavelength.. |
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"Often confuses me.
But it's often built around deep seated monogamous attitudes. eg
- Just on here to play around until I find 'the one'
- Only actually want one partner who happens to be kinky
- Won't date bi or pan people as they inevitably cheat
- Won't date off a Swinging site because that person likes sleeping around and will cheat
There's lots more but you get the idea.
A lot of it is the assumption that 'sex = love' and that you have to be monogamous to raise a healthy family etc.
What's actually turning out to be true is what people don't like is dishonesty and that sex is a biological drive.
An increasing number of people are perfectly happy with open relationships, or some form of polyamory etc. so long as it's safe and the ground rules are agreed on in advance.
"
What Harley said, too many deep seated societal norms. Personally I always liked the conversation in the original BBC day of the triffids when the scientist says 'norms will have to change'. Cue the response from the girlfriend 'well I get to choose'. Lol |
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It's a wierd double standard.
"It's okay for me to be a slut* and shag around, but not for my long term partner."
*Not slut shaming, and it applies to men too.
As far as I'm concerned, I'd love a fab meet to turn into a relationship, it's having cake and eating it too. |
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I think it comes down to traditional views around monogamy and casual sex.
Clearly in many examples its outdated, and hypocritical views. But people are entitled to their preferences... Its just not one I understand or subscribe to. |
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By *TG3Man
over a year ago
Dorchester |
"I'm currently replaying a conversation I had last week with a friend. He has a rule about not dating people he initially just meets to hook up with.
I've seen it here before too, people openly say they wouldn't date someone they met on Fab.
Why is that?
There's no right or wrong answer. Everyone has preferences.
What is it about being a hook up that would perhaps put people off more?
Why is there a negative view of people on here when it comes to dating?
"
People who come here certainly women are adventurous so in my book thats a plus but some who come here looking for a relationship might think omg look at all those veris and run a mile, some wouldn't mind but some are just here for sex and one offs nsa  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm definitely not in the tight space for a relationship nor am I seeking one.
I did however meet my ex husband on here. I wasnt looking for it but bang it happened, it was an organic thing and if he hadn't of made the first move with regards to dating I wouldn't have. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm definitely not in the tight space for a relationship nor am I seeking one.
I did however meet my ex husband on here. I wasnt looking for it but bang it happened, it was an organic thing and if he hadn't of made the first move with regards to dating I wouldn't have. "
Right space not tight space lol. |
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I don't like to meet anyone who thinks that way. I like sex. I like sex with people I find interesting. Sometimes they turn out to be the kind of interesting I want to spend time with outside of just the sex.
I don't like to be disappointed. And if someone on here is looking only for sex and not open to more if that's the way things feel they should go, then I'm not going to waste my time getting to know the best way to fuck them.
It also seems like a oh well she's good enough to fuck but I don't want an actual relationship with a slut kind of attitude. If you don't like sluts enough to appreciate them beyond their available orifices, I don't want to fuck you  |
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I think it's pretty naive of people to expect a potential date/partner not to have a past. The only difference with Fab is that it's out there and honest and if someone on here doesn't want to date someone here...because they are on here, then that's some serious double standards right there. |
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By *omtom7Man
over a year ago
Tralee |
To be honest, I'd think the opposite. I think meeting someone through here might actually result in a very open and honest relationship. To most people talking about sex or fantasies in still taboo, at least that wouldn't be an issue here. |
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By *al kalMan
over a year ago
london |
It’s reverse dating essentially.
After you’ve both had the dopamine hit and seen each other fully in the flesh, you then try and determine if you would actually get on, have mutual interests, more than physical attraction, sufficient chemistry in the traditional sense. In my limited experience this doesn’t seem to work. Worth experiencing though. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’m only going to date a woman that can perfectly poach an egg.
I’ll open up my mailbox 
People meet everywhere, in the workplace. On apps. From school. In a pub.
Why not on Fab after a hookup?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m only going to date a woman that can perfectly poach an egg.
I’ll open up my mailbox
People meet everywhere, in the workplace. On apps. From school. In a pub.
Why not on Fab after a hookup? "
Can I send you a picture showing you what I had for lunch? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m only going to date a woman that can perfectly poach an egg.
I’ll open up my mailbox
People meet everywhere, in the workplace. On apps. From school. In a pub.
Why not on Fab after a hookup?
Can I send you a picture showing you what I had for lunch? "
Can I eat it if it looks good?…. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m only going to date a woman that can perfectly poach an egg.
I’ll open up my mailbox
People meet everywhere, in the workplace. On apps. From school. In a pub.
Why not on Fab after a hookup?
Can I send you a picture showing you what I had for lunch?
Can I eat it if it looks good?…. "
Only if I can get the cream after  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think with fab it’s more to do with the fact that most people come on here for sex. Their intention isn’t to have any kind of relationship.
So that’s why they don’t pursue it. Rather than their being anything wrong with the other party. |
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Honestly, the whole abritrary rules thing is for me. No disrespect intended to your friend.
I have a friend who said recently that she has the 3 date rule, but if she has sex before the third date she ends it.
I said: but doesn't that mean you were really into him?
She replied: exactly, I'm just going to get all emotionally attached and then get fucked up. So I date the ones I'm not that into.
Genius I love her she's comedy gold. Last time I spoke to her I had to beg her to stop talking, because I was laughing so hard I was struggling to breathe. |
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By *rispyDuckMan
over a year ago
Chinese Takeaway near you |
"I'm currently replaying a conversation I had last week with a friend. He has a rule about not dating people he initially just meets to hook up with.
I've seen it here before too, people openly say they wouldn't date someone they met on Fab.
Why is that?
There's no right or wrong answer. Everyone has preferences.
What is it about being a hook up that would perhaps put people off more?
Why is there a negative view of people on here when it comes to dating?
"
I think part of it might be to do with insecurities! I can imagine being a newbie on Fab/ the lifestyle & meeting a fab pro with high body count when the newbie has very little that can make someone feel a certain way I’m guessing.
And for fab newbies used to bring in relationships, u might wonder if your fab partner would be happy and content quitting the lifestyle & being happy being monogamous. Again I’m just guessing reasons why people might find fab dating difficult |
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I'm open to dating someone from here as long as our non fab activities and interests also matches. Fabs just a tiny part of may life so it would be one of the interest. However I don't have high hopes for finding someone off here. Better chances are for finding someone IRL and introducing them to fabs. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have dated from meets on here, but with fellow Poly peeps. Had a two year relationship with a former Fab friend. Didn't end well but that was for other non Fab related reasons.
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By *ruceyyMan
over a year ago
London |
"I have no idea! We met on here as singles, looking for a FWB and now 8 years later we’re married with kids.
I think we did fab wrong the first time
Mr"
Nah you're a power couple here now and I rate you both! More her though obviously on account of trying to charm her into a meet obviously  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think quite a few people don't want long term with anyone who enjoys casual sex. We've met quite a few singles who feel this way.
I was gonna,say this but not half as succinctly x"
There's been many singles guys in clubs who are sniffing round couples and when they are asked why don't you bring your wife thier mask slips for a second and they can't hide their distain in thier reply. E.g "I wouldn't dream of bringing her somewhere like here" "there's no way I'd let a guy go anywhere near my wife" "I prefer this club over getting a pro#titute as I can't accommodate as well" all genuine slip up responses.
It shows they are likely cheaters, look down on swinging and potentially do not care for the rules and etiquette as it's just a tool they are using to scratch a horny itch etc.
As a poster said they often have deep rooted cultural or religious concepts regarding monogamy and are often misogynistic by nature.
KJ |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
I totally get that and it’s old fashioned but if I had sex with someone on the first date, no way would I date them. It’s not about fab, it’s about saving the intimacy and being able to say no while you discover each other.
I think I’ve dated properly twice on here but each time we chose not to fuck straight away. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have no idea! We met on here as singles, looking for a FWB and now 8 years later we’re married with kids.
I think we did fab wrong the first time
Mr
Nah you're a power couple here now and I rate you both! More her though obviously on account of trying to charm her into a meet obviously "
I’ll take the rating with zero shame! Im not sure Mrs Villains is aware of your current attempts to charm her.. sounds like you need to step your game up if you ask me.. 
Mr |
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By *ruceyyMan
over a year ago
London |
"I have no idea! We met on here as singles, looking for a FWB and now 8 years later we’re married with kids.
I think we did fab wrong the first time
Mr
Nah you're a power couple here now and I rate you both! More her though obviously on account of trying to charm her into a meet obviously
I’ll take the rating with zero shame! Im not sure Mrs Villains is aware of your current attempts to charm her.. sounds like you need to step your game up if you ask me..
Mr"
I'm pretty sure we had a giggle once. Pass her the damn phone! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" I'm pretty sure we had a giggle once. Pass her the damn phone! "
So that’s why the street was flooded the other day? Should’ve known
She’s still asleep! I’ll make sure she’s online as soon as she’s awake. Cos Brucey says so 
Mr |
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By *ruceyyMan
over a year ago
London |
" I'm pretty sure we had a giggle once. Pass her the damn phone!
So that’s why the street was flooded the other day? Should’ve known
She’s still asleep! I’ll make sure she’s online as soon as she’s awake. Cos Brucey says so
Mr"
She sounds like a good girl already! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"….
Why is there a negative view of people on here when it comes to dating?
"
Possibly because trust takes time to build up, and as we all know, there’s lots of options on here, your never quite sure if you’re the only one they are ‘dating’ |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Often confuses me.
But it's often built around deep seated monogamous attitudes. eg
- Just on here to play around until I find 'the one'
- Only actually want one partner who happens to be kinky
- Won't date bi or pan people as they inevitably cheat
- Won't date off a Swinging site because that person likes sleeping around and will cheat
There's lots more but you get the idea.
A lot of it is the assumption that 'sex = love' and that you have to be monogamous to raise a healthy family etc.
"
Then the come here to complain that the low sex drive / asexual / vanilla wife has cut off all intimacy and left them adrift for years in a sexless marriage.
Should have considers us sluts  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It’s the stupid vinilla mentality and the stupid backwards thinking
The stupid if she puts out for me like that how meny other has she
The stupid if a guy gets around he’s the man and all that
If a woman dose she’s a 3-4-5 letter bad words
She’s not take home to mom mental and all that bs
Closed mind fools
Not everyone is closed mind some are very open minded like myself
That doesn’t care about all that stupidity at all
Who cares where we meet who cares if she put out in 10 minutes or 3 years
Who cares if someone gets around they intitled to have fun
If I like the person nothing will stop me date them / relationship |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" I'm pretty sure we had a giggle once. Pass her the damn phone!
So that’s why the street was flooded the other day? Should’ve known
She’s still asleep! I’ll make sure she’s online as soon as she’s awake. Cos Brucey says so
Mr
She sounds like a good girl already! "
Morning Brucey
I’m always well behaved Brucey, I only misbehave on certain days
Mrs |
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Oh really? I read on the forum many people getting together, falling in love and marrying from meeting on fab. I'm guessing them people who say they not interested is another way saying they're not interested in that person in question....but if they met the person of their dreams, they would do anything not to lose them? Am I wrong? |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"….
Why is there a negative view of people on here when it comes to dating?
Possibly because trust takes time to build up, and as we all know, there’s lots of options on here, your never quite sure if you’re the only one they are ‘dating’"
That’s never been my experience here. There are lots of options on and off of fab , especially for women , but I’ve never encountered women that cheat & I would know.
I think it’s more because swinging is associated with NSA, it’s quite base , whereas dating , well you want a nice person not just a fuck. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Fwiw I think it's a pretty closed off and limited view of dating. And love for that matter.
I could be way off here, but my impression is that some people apply these rules to protect themselves from hurt. Whereas some of them are wedded to stereotypes, mostly around women. |
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By *mily36CWoman
over a year ago
Beds (or anywhere beginning with B..!?) |
It seems a really old fashioned and out dated view of things...
...the pretence of dating from vanilla sites whilst hooking up from sites some just view as sex sites is a kind of hypocrisy, no?  |
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Well everyone has their rules, personally, if a woman is on fab, then I’m assuming she is fairly open-minded, sexually confident or at least nervously adventuring and isn’t a prude. Sounds like the kind of person I’d be proud to walk down the street with and form a bond with, if that leads to a relationship then great.
As for not sharing 1 and 1 makes 2, people always forget the “and” two individuals with differing desires, kinks and passions that have enough in common and mutual physical mental and physical attraction to want to spend time together. If I was unhappy at the thought of them wanting to continue fab style activities, then that would be hypocritical, I’ve shared far too many couples to not apply those same rules in my life. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"….
Why is there a negative view of people on here when it comes to dating?
Possibly because trust takes time to build up, and as we all know, there’s lots of options on here, your never quite sure if you’re the only one they are ‘dating’
That’s never been my experience here. There are lots of options on and off of fab , especially for women , but I’ve never encountered women that cheat & I would know.
….."
Did you just suggest that you would KNOW that the women you encounter are always truthful and upfront with you.
Or ALL woman are not or would never cheat or have other options on the go on or off fab? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Often confuses me.
But it's often built around deep seated monogamous attitudes. eg
- Just on here to play around until I find 'the one'
- Only actually want one partner who happens to be kinky
- Won't date bi or pan people as they inevitably cheat
- Won't date off a Swinging site because that person likes sleeping around and will cheat
There's lots more but you get the idea.
A lot of it is the assumption that 'sex = love' and that you have to be monogamous to raise a healthy family etc.
Then the come here to complain that the low sex drive / asexual / vanilla wife has cut off all intimacy and left them adrift for years in a sexless marriage.
Should have considers us sluts "
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