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Your body value?
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So a few threads I've read recently has made me ponder on the value we attribute to our bodies.
The revenge body after you've broken up with someone to the comparison of a body as a present to unwrap. These to me at least suggest that people put a significant value on their bodies with regards to relationships. You don't hear so much about the revenge life where you go out and do all the things your ex wouldn't do with you or allow you to do. And describing a body as a present it kind of reminds me of my grans china teaset that only came out on special occasions.
So folks of the forum, we all know we need to be attracted to the people we want to get naked with. But often on the forum we see that many value other attributes, but we don't seem to value those as much maybe? But in your relationships past/present/future how much value to you put on your body to attract a mate? Does this value increase or decrease as you get to know someone? Do you subscribe to the revenge body ethos? Why is a revenge body typically slimmer? Do you consider yours or others bodies as a present?
Disclaimer that's a lot of questions you don't need to answer them all. You're more than welcome to disagree with me completely. And I will try to answer as many of you as possible but I can't guarantee to answer everyone.
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I like when someone cares about their body and takes care of it...that doesn't mean they have to be in the gym every day or never let a slice of white bread pass their lips.
I think a 'revenge body ' is maybe just a result of someone totally focusing on themselves after a relationship ends. There are probably less healthy alternatives they could resort to |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
Not much.
I think it helps with self confidence ,which indirectly helps, but I know from experience most women don’t choose parents based on body and having the greatest body won’t make someone who doesn’t fancy you interested.
This is a good thing.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I was just thinking about my value in this way on my dog walk. One of the reasons I don't see myself as having any value in the "market" is my body. I don't see men that way & never have, but my experience is that it's an important criteria for them when choosing a woman to meet or date. |
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Revenge body is not something I have ever paid any attention to as I'm well aware my body is pretty low down on the list of why someone would choose me. Of course I would love a slim body not nearly as much as I like to eat and hate exercise.
Bodies change so to make it a high priority is setting yourself up for disappointment. Plus fashions change - who would have thought a couple of decades ago that women would pay for surgery to make their asses bigger!
Lose weight or get healthy only for you never for anyone else. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Perhaps a representation of my privilege is that I value my body very little in terms of attracting people (On here i value it more than most other places because I post nudes but still not much).
I think also the idea of bigger men is more generally accepted as desirable. And in media like film and TV it’s not seen as a barrier to getting the good looking or perfect girl. I value more the look of my face and maybe my fashion at a stretch when I think of physically what makes me desirable to ‘mates’.
Besides you put on weight with relationships. And you and your partner don’t even care. It’s great. |
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"Not much.
I think it helps with self confidence ,which indirectly helps, but I know from experience most women don’t choose parents based on body and having the greatest body won’t make someone who doesn’t fancy you interested.
This is a good thing.
"
I agree with you, I think in reality we want someone who is desirable to us physically but I think other attributes are just as important. It's just appears to me at least we put more value or at least think others put more value on appearance. |
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My body is a vessel for my brain and my goals. I know if it looks a certain way it's more likely to get responses from people, but at the moment that's not a priority for me.
The vessel supporting my goals is |
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I'm not entirely sure I get the revenge body (I've never really done that), but I have always assumed I've attracted people in spite of my physical appearance rather than because of it. I'm short and brown - qualities rarely high on people's wish lists - but I've managed to do ok. Must be my killer personality!  |
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"I was just thinking about my value in this way on my dog walk. One of the reasons I don't see myself as having any value in the "market" is my body. I don't see men that way & never have, but my experience is that it's an important criteria for them when choosing a woman to meet or date. "
I hear you, it does appear that much value is put on our bodies. But there are numerous threads where people state it isn't everything. I wonder if there is a difference in the value given depending on the type of relationship being sought? |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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I don't subscribe to the revenge body notion. It's similar to what wellinever said above about focusing attention on yourself. In relationships I put a lot of energy into it - whether that's organising dates, thinking about little things that will make them happy. Dealing with sad times. You get the idea.
When it comes to an end, I'm able to put that energy back in to myself more easily. I sometimes think I lose myself - especially towards the end when I know things are ending and I start eating really poorly. It's about finding myself again and taking time to do the things I enjoy. Or going to the gym when I'm sad that yet again, I've been a tad too trusting of things said. Lifting is far better than drinking tequila!
I think that I do place value on my body attracting potential lovers, yes, to some extent anyway. In part I think that's because of societal pressure - sure on here larger women are applauded and desired but how that translates away from here? Even, and this might sound daft, when I read posts from those I've found attractive/had sex singing the praises of slimmer women constantly and almost never mentioning larger women. It's like an "I desire/love you, in spite of your body". When what I really want is "I desire/love you, body et al".
In part it's because of what I've experienced.
I've always been very very fat. Well from my teenage years anyway. As someone who is currently the slimmest (still fat!) she's been in her adult life, there's a marked difference in the level and type of attention I'm now getting. In a way it's like my morbid obesity was an invisibility blanket. Those who were interested in me, it was because of my winning and exhausting personality. So I didn't really think too much about my body, I disliked it and knew I wasn't anything particularly worth a second glance.
Now I find myself more aware of my physicality. I know that my personality hasn't changed, well I'm a bit more confident, but I can't help but feel that (some of) these people who treat me differently, who flirt with me wouldn't have given me a second glance when I was many stones heavier.
I think those I'm attracted to are attracted to my other attributes, at least I hope so, but it's complicated. I'm going to carry on focusing on my body, not for sexual partners but because I'm enjoying feeling healthier.
And I've waffled. :D
P.S I really hate the gift notion. I've typed too much already though. |
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"Revenge body is not something I have ever paid any attention to as I'm well aware my body is pretty low down on the list of why someone would choose me. Of course I would love a slim body not nearly as much as I like to eat and hate exercise.
Bodies change so to make it a high priority is setting yourself up for disappointment. Plus fashions change - who would have thought a couple of decades ago that women would pay for surgery to make their asses bigger!
Lose weight or get healthy only for you never for anyone else."
Same though I'll admit I did do things I wasn't allowed to do when I was in a relationship. I don't put my body high up on my list of what others see in me. I like your thinking that bodies change and not to rely on it too much. |
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"Perhaps a representation of my privilege is that I value my body very little in terms of attracting people (On here i value it more than most other places because I post nudes but still not much).
I think also the idea of bigger men is more generally accepted as desirable. And in media like film and TV it’s not seen as a barrier to getting the good looking or perfect girl. I value more the look of my face and maybe my fashion at a stretch when I think of physically what makes me desirable to ‘mates’.
Besides you put on weight with relationships. And you and your partner don’t even care. It’s great. "
I'm buck the trend I loose weight when I'm in a relationship and I'm happy. But I get what you saying, do you think the value of one's body varies on their gender? |
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"My body is a vessel for my brain and my goals. I know if it looks a certain way it's more likely to get responses from people, but at the moment that's not a priority for me.
The vessel supporting my goals is"
I like this attitude swing. Do you think when you have your kind of thought process you attract the kind of people who have similar values? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Perhaps a representation of my privilege is that I value my body very little in terms of attracting people (On here i value it more than most other places because I post nudes but still not much).
I think also the idea of bigger men is more generally accepted as desirable. And in media like film and TV it’s not seen as a barrier to getting the good looking or perfect girl. I value more the look of my face and maybe my fashion at a stretch when I think of physically what makes me desirable to ‘mates’.
Besides you put on weight with relationships. And you and your partner don’t even care. It’s great.
I'm buck the trend I loose weight when I'm in a relationship and I'm happy. But I get what you saying, do you think the value of one's body varies on their gender? "
Fair! Go you I wish that was me. I lose weight from the sex but the snacking balances it out mostly.
I think gender (and sexuality) impact how we value our bodies. Of course not for everyone but I think generally yes. |
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"My body is a vessel for my brain and my goals. I know if it looks a certain way it's more likely to get responses from people, but at the moment that's not a priority for me.
The vessel supporting my goals is
I like this attitude swing. Do you think when you have your kind of thought process you attract the kind of people who have similar values? "
I genuinely don't know. I find this attitude easier to keep to when I'm not trying to attract anyone, which is my current stance.
Peer pressure is a powerful (synonym for medication rhyming with hug), and it's easy to fall into comparison when you're out there with others |
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By *TG3Man
over a year ago
Dorchester |
I like a woman who's fairly in shape doesn't have to be perfect i just find that more physically appealing but i also like a great personality, my last girlfriend didn't have great teeth and i thought that wasn't important but it turns out it is  |
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"I'm not entirely sure I get the revenge body (I've never really done that), but I have always assumed I've attracted people in spite of my physical appearance rather than because of it. I'm short and brown - qualities rarely high on people's wish lists - but I've managed to do ok. Must be my killer personality! "
That's the thing isn't it, there are plenty of threads saying people value humour or that they are sapiosexuals. Obviously you're personality is a winner |
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"I don't subscribe to the revenge body notion. It's similar to what wellinever said above about focusing attention on yourself. In relationships I put a lot of energy into it - whether that's organising dates, thinking about little things that will make them happy. Dealing with sad times. You get the idea.
When it comes to an end, I'm able to put that energy back in to myself more easily. I sometimes think I lose myself - especially towards the end when I know things are ending and I start eating really poorly. It's about finding myself again and taking time to do the things I enjoy. Or going to the gym when I'm sad that yet again, I've been a tad too trusting of things said. Lifting is far better than drinking tequila!
I think that I do place value on my body attracting potential lovers, yes, to some extent anyway. In part I think that's because of societal pressure - sure on here larger women are applauded and desired but how that translates away from here? Even, and this might sound daft, when I read posts from those I've found attractive/had sex singing the praises of slimmer women constantly and almost never mentioning larger women. It's like an "I desire/love you, in spite of your body". When what I really want is "I desire/love you, body et al".
In part it's because of what I've experienced.
I've always been very very fat. Well from my teenage years anyway. As someone who is currently the slimmest (still fat!) she's been in her adult life, there's a marked difference in the level and type of attention I'm now getting. In a way it's like my morbid obesity was an invisibility blanket. Those who were interested in me, it was because of my winning and exhausting personality. So I didn't really think too much about my body, I disliked it and knew I wasn't anything particularly worth a second glance.
Now I find myself more aware of my physicality. I know that my personality hasn't changed, well I'm a bit more confident, but I can't help but feel that (some of) these people who treat me differently, who flirt with me wouldn't have given me a second glance when I was many stones heavier.
I think those I'm attracted to are attracted to my other attributes, at least I hope so, but it's complicated. I'm going to carry on focusing on my body, not for sexual partners but because I'm enjoying feeling healthier.
And I've waffled. :D
P.S I really hate the gift notion. I've typed too much already though. "
I so agree with much you have written. It's a bit ingrained in me not to rely on my looks as I've thought they aren't good enough.
The present thing gives me the ick. I'd rather someone saw my body the majority of the time than divulge by brain. That is a lot more personal to me in any case. |
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I know I get away with a lot more than I should because of the way I look.
But, I've never tried to improve myself to make an ex partner jealous, and I have never thought of myself as a gift to unwrap, and am actively turned off by anyone using that kind of terminology.
I know my body has value to some people. But I stick to it is what it is, my body is for me, and if other people appreciate it that's a bonus, but not a necessity. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I value my body and the things it still allows me to do. That I'm still relatively healthy.
Valuing my body for sexual attraction? Yes and no.
I like that my body attracts sexual attention when I'm open to it and sometimes flaunt that if there's someone in particular I'm interested in.
Other times I hate being looked at and I wish I didn't have a body and just would like to go about my life completely unnoticed.
Especially having largeish boobs. Sometimes I wish I could flatten them.
Not sure that answered the question.
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I have never considered it in conscious transactional terms like that.
I don't subscribe to my body being a present anymore than theirs is, but I do love the 'getting naked' bit for the first time, with someone, skin on skin, feasting on their beautiful body with my eyes, feeling their skin, how they feel,moving together, you know?
I don't do revenge body, probably the opposite, I am better at looking after myself when its not just for me. So in some ways, I don't value my body enough, for me to take care of it, or I am just too lazy.
I typed out a load more, but was waffling so stopped there! |
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"I like a woman who's fairly in shape doesn't have to be perfect i just find that more physically appealing but i also like a great personality, my last girlfriend didn't have great teeth and i thought that wasn't important but it turns out it is "
Did you send the relationship because of her teeth??  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I was just thinking about my value in this way on my dog walk. One of the reasons I don't see myself as having any value in the "market" is my body. I don't see men that way & never have, but my experience is that it's an important criteria for them when choosing a woman to meet or date.
I hear you, it does appear that much value is put on our bodies. But there are numerous threads where people state it isn't everything. I wonder if there is a difference in the value given depending on the type of relationship being sought? "
People state it isn't everything but when women receive messages/compliments or when there are threads about what people like - it's almost always about the physical. I haven't found it to be much different on other apps. I just give up playing the game now. |
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