FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > "Stimulate my brain"
"Stimulate my brain"
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By *apnDom OP Man
over a year ago
London | Belfast |
You read that all the time but how is someone supposed to do that in a first message, right away, without writing a book?
I usually just ignore this but curious what the ladies answer here (50-50 they don't know either) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Not sure I'd expect that in a first message ..think tha would be asking lot."
I feel like some do though. Bios say to be creative and while I get that short messages are shit, ultimately, I don't fucking know you or what you like, what on earth am I suppose to say outside of "how are you?" or "how was your day?" to get to know you and yet, it seems to be something women and couples can get away with because by their own standards, the first messages to me have been fucking dire, whereas I'd be sent to the goddamn Hague if I sent those.
Ok, rant over  |
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"Not sure I'd expect that in a first message ..think tha would be asking lot.
I feel like some do though. Bios say to be creative and while I get that short messages are shit, ultimately, I don't fucking know you or what you like, what on earth am I suppose to say outside of "how are you?" or "how was your day?" to get to know you and yet, it seems to be something women and couples can get away with because by their own standards, the first messages to me have been fucking dire, whereas I'd be sent to the goddamn Hague if I sent those.
Ok, rant over "
Agreed  |
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The messages I receive a rarely all-encompassing and I don't expect my cerebral to stimulated from an introductory message. I don't think that's the expectation. It's about the reciprocal chat and the momentum of dialogue of which many women seen to struggle with on here. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Not sure I'd expect that in a first message ..think tha would be asking lot.
I feel like some do though. Bios say to be creative and while I get that short messages are shit, ultimately, I don't fucking know you or what you like, what on earth am I suppose to say outside of "how are you?" or "how was your day?" to get to know you and yet, it seems to be something women and couples can get away with because by their own standards, the first messages to me have been fucking dire, whereas I'd be sent to the goddamn Hague if I sent those.
Ok, rant over "
Absolutely, if I get and overly wordy first message, I just assume I'm one of many getting the same thing. I'm not keen on the faf messages but think it's perfectly ok to receive a hi, how are you kind of message.
Rant away,You're cute when you blush lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The messages I receive a rarely all-encompassing and I don't expect my cerebral to stimulated from an introductory message. I don't think that's the expectation. It's about the reciprocal chat and the momentum of dialogue of which many women seen to struggle with on here."
Trust me, it's not just the women. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I love to have my mind turned as well as my head but in reality it's unlikely in the first message.
However, that first message is where I decide if that's actually going to be possible.
I don't speak for all women here and I certainly don't get the 100s of messages some claim to but here's a little insight into how it goes for me when I look at my messages. I'm sure I'm not the only one who does these things.
Before I decide to even open the message this is what happens in my brain...
Is it an off putting username?
Is there a picture of a cock?
Is it a shadow?
These messages likely don't get opened. They are ignored until I bulk delete at some point.
What can I see in the first couple of lines?
Is it awful? Offensive? Weird?
Text speak requiring translation?
Some list of what they are going to do to me?
If any of these it's an instant delete.
If at this point it's still there, I will click on the profile and look at that.
Does the profile appeal?
If not message ignored.
If it does, I'll read.
Then there's the whole other process of deciding to reply or not.
So no, my brain won't likely be stimulated by any first message but my interest may be.
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I find myself agreeing somewhat with you OP in terms of your essential point.
However, on contemplating how I navigate this dilemma I believe I may offer a little insight.
If I am to message first then it will be because the content of her profile has stimulated my brain.
Lists of expectations etc are fine but if it is simply that then there's not really anything to fire my neurons into action. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I find myself agreeing somewhat with you OP in terms of your essential point.
However, on contemplating how I navigate this dilemma I believe I may offer a little insight.
If I am to message first then it will be because the content of her profile has stimulated my brain.
Lists of expectations etc are fine but if it is simply that then there's not really anything to fire my neurons into action."
Yes!!
Sadly I think lots take a more scattergun approach to messaging |
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By *mber81Woman
over a year ago
Lives in Preston, Eng |
"You read that all the time but how is someone supposed to do that in a first message, right away, without writing a book?
I usually just ignore this but curious what the ladies answer here (50-50 they don't know either)"
I want my brain stimulated but I don't expect that in a first message. Not at all.
My ideal is friendly and something
said that shows you have read at least a little of my profile. And that there is something in your written profile that is engaging or interesting or gives insight into who you are. Something I can use in a reply. |
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By *an1978Woman
over a year ago
GONE/TIMEOUT (No DMs please) |
It doesn't have to be that special.
I hate the corporate meeting "tell the room something about yourself" nonsense.
But in the fab sense, a little something about why you messaged goes a long way.
A lengthy cut and paste does nothing.
"Hi, I'm down here on my boat and wonder if you also like the open sea?"
(I don't)
"I saw your post on xxxx in the forum and would love to discuss that further if you were open to that"
(Though some may find this creepy)
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I love to have my mind turned as well as my head but in reality it's unlikely in the first message.
However, that first message is where I decide if that's actually going to be possible.
I don't speak for all women here and I certainly don't get the 100s of messages some claim to but here's a little insight into how it goes for me when I look at my messages. I'm sure I'm not the only one who does these things.
Before I decide to even open the message this is what happens in my brain...
Is it an off putting username?
Is there a picture of a cock?
Is it a shadow?
These messages likely don't get opened. They are ignored until I bulk delete at some point.
What can I see in the first couple of lines?
Is it awful? Offensive? Weird?
Text speak requiring translation?
Some list of what they are going to do to me?
If any of these it's an instant delete.
If at this point it's still there, I will click on the profile and look at that.
Does the profile appeal?
If not message ignored.
If it does, I'll read.
Then there's the whole other process of deciding to reply or not.
So no, my brain won't likely be stimulated by any first message but my interest may be.
"
But ultimately, it's not even the message that gets you to reply. It's the profile and whether that interests you, which is completely fine. But it is another strike against the fabled "stimulating first message" |
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"I find myself agreeing somewhat with you OP in terms of your essential point.
However, on contemplating how I navigate this dilemma I believe I may offer a little insight.
If I am to message first then it will be because the content of her profile has stimulated my brain.
Lists of expectations etc are fine but if it is simply that then there's not really anything to fire my neurons into action.
Yes!!
Sadly I think lots take a more scattergun approach to messaging "
I'd rather not spend my evenings spitting buckshot into the camp fire. |
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We are totally guilty of this, but we can't tell people what to write. All we know is "hi there" and "wanna fuck" being the sum-total from a silhouette with 10 words on their bio is bad.
We don't expect War & Peace, but just anything to break the ice that shows you have more brain cells than teeth. |
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I think a lot of people take fab waaay too seriously.
If you happen to click with someone intellectually that's great but it's not going to happen in a first message.
Also I think asking for someone to stimulate your brain is really lazy. Put some leg work in, show there's something there to be stimulated. |
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"It doesn't have to be that special.
I hate the corporate meeting "tell the room something about yourself" nonsense.
But in the fab sense, a little something about why you messaged goes a long way.
A lengthy cut and paste does nothing.
"Hi, I'm down here on my boat and wonder if you also like the open sea?"
(I don't)
"I saw your post on xxxx in the forum and would love to discuss that further if you were open to that"
(Though some may find this creepy)
"
I like the noticed you on the forum message. The way you've phrased it is a touch formal. I'd be hoping that was an indication a dry, sarcastic sense of humour.
Certainly not creepy though. |
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By *apnDom OP Man
over a year ago
London | Belfast |
I feel like some women here make a sport about how demanding they can get. And then laugh at the worming men, who just want to meet them. Not all, of course. Otherwise I wouldn't have ever met anyone here, but generally I feel that's the issue.
Same with the "I get 100 messages as soon as I am online" and "I don't even look at winks so don't bother!!!!".
For me personally, without putting any expecations out there now, I wouldn't care about anything in the first message either. As long as it's not offputting or weird, it's just the first point of contact. I treat it like a real life conversation, in a way. It doesn't matter what they say, because you get to know someone through a conversation, back and forth.
So I don't understand these huuuuge hurdles for a first message and the hate for winks. Just read the message if it's more than 2 words and look at the profile, and then decide if you want to reply or not. And replying only means that you get a conversation going.
Unfortunately, and I repeat myself here, I feel like women want to figure a man out before they even reply. Which I don't understand how that is supposed to work!! Not to mention how empty and uncreative female profiles here are anyway. Sure, you can say "don't message them then" but that is also shallow - the best women I met on here had few pictures and a profile text, if at all.
Think many women here are just for some ego boost for themselves, and if the perfect man happens to come along, they may take the opportunity, to let them come to them. 
Bit too many games. Reminds me of tinder. Same attitude there, except no tittie pics (so I slightly prefer fabs). |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I feel like some women here make a sport about how demanding they can get. And then laugh at the worming men, who just want to meet them. Not all, of course. Otherwise I wouldn't have ever met anyone here, but generally I feel that's the issue.
Same with the "I get 100 messages as soon as I am online" and "I don't even look at winks so don't bother!!!!".
For me personally, without putting any expecations out there now, I wouldn't care about anything in the first message either. As long as it's not offputting or weird, it's just the first point of contact. I treat it like a real life conversation, in a way. It doesn't matter what they say, because you get to know someone through a conversation, back and forth.
So I don't understand these huuuuge hurdles for a first message and the hate for winks. Just read the message if it's more than 2 words and look at the profile, and then decide if you want to reply or not. And replying only means that you get a conversation going.
Unfortunately, and I repeat myself here, I feel like women want to figure a man out before they even reply. Which I don't understand how that is supposed to work!! Not to mention how empty and uncreative female profiles here are anyway. Sure, you can say "don't message them then" but that is also shallow - the best women I met on here had few pictures and a profile text, if at all.
Think many women here are just for some ego boost for themselves, and if the perfect man happens to come along, they may take the opportunity, to let them come to them.
Bit too many games. Reminds me of tinder. Same attitude there, except no tittie pics (so I slightly prefer fabs)."
Remember woman have a monopoly on here. Also many would never get nearly as many men in the real world especially acting the way they do. It's just the nature of fab and maybe online dating.
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By *apnDom OP Man
over a year ago
London | Belfast |
"Remember woman have a monopoly on here. Also many would never get nearly as many men in the real world especially acting the way they do. It's just the nature of fab and maybe online dating.
"
Oh, I am very aware of that. And I am very aware that no one will ever change that. It's the rule of power - if you have it, you will most likely abuse it.
Women here have the monopoly, the leverage, and they can demand whatever the fuck they want, and can be as rude as they prefer - there will be enough men to put up with it anyway.
That's why I said it's about ego boosting with the occasional perfect man on the side.
But it's okay. Just have to put up with it and play along, nothing can be done about it. Can't force people to be less picky or nicer, they would only change their behaviour if they don't meet their needs. Imagine fabs if highly demanding women suddenly wouldn't get any profile views, messages and fabs on their pics any more haha Then things would quickly change, don't you think?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Remember woman have a monopoly on here. Also many would never get nearly as many men in the real world especially acting the way they do. It's just the nature of fab and maybe online dating.
Oh, I am very aware of that. And I am very aware that no one will ever change that. It's the rule of power - if you have it, you will most likely abuse it.
Women here have the monopoly, the leverage, and they can demand whatever the fuck they want, and can be as rude as they prefer - there will be enough men to put up with it anyway.
That's why I said it's about ego boosting with the occasional perfect man on the side.
But it's okay. Just have to put up with it and play along, nothing can be done about it. Can't force people to be less picky or nicer, they would only change their behaviour if they don't meet their needs. Imagine fabs if highly demanding women suddenly wouldn't get any profile views, messages and fabs on their pics any more haha Then things would quickly change, don't you think? "
Not all women... There is some lovelies but yeah a large amount making demands. It could easily be stopped but there is also a large majority of pathetic and desperate men here who will always kneel. |
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I really wish Fab would update their messaging system; currently the only opening messages you can send are either 'hows u' or something resembling a chapter from a Tolkein novel with absolutely no options in between, or at least that's what I'm led to believe, I would never message any of you, you are perverts and such.
 |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
I don't think someone expects to have their brain stimulated immediately. Generally I find that if that's on a profile they're saying that they want the mental masturbation side of things as well sex.
If your conversational style is a tad dreary, regardless of how pretty you are they probably won't want to fuck you.
And look, I get it. Women do send pretty crap introductory messages.
I don't think they're talking about your opening though. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't think someone expects to have their brain stimulated immediately. Generally I find that if that's on a profile they're saying that they want the mental masturbation side of things as well sex.
If your conversational style is a tad dreary, regardless of how pretty you are they probably won't want to fuck you.
And look, I get it. Women do send pretty crap introductory messages.
I don't think they're talking about your opening though. "
I send awesome first messages.
I have 100% successes rate of getting a cock pic as a reply. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I don't think someone expects to have their brain stimulated immediately. Generally I find that if that's on a profile they're saying that they want the mental masturbation side of things as well sex.
If your conversational style is a tad dreary, regardless of how pretty you are they probably won't want to fuck you.
And look, I get it. Women do send pretty crap introductory messages.
I don't think they're talking about your opening though.
I send awesome first messages.
I have 100% successes rate of getting a cock pic as a reply. "
Successes? I need to put down the coffee. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"We are totally guilty of this, but we can't tell people what to write. All we know is "hi there" and "wanna fuck" being the sum-total from a silhouette with 10 words on their bio is bad.
We don't expect War & Peace, but just anything to break the ice that shows you have more brain cells than teeth."
More brain cells than teeth. Stealing this  |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
"I don't think someone expects to have their brain stimulated immediately. Generally I find that if that's on a profile they're saying that they want the mental masturbation side of things as well sex.
If your conversational style is a tad dreary, regardless of how pretty you are they probably won't want to fuck you.
And look, I get it. Women do send pretty crap introductory messages.
I don't think they're talking about your opening though.
I send awesome first messages.
I have 100% successes rate of getting a cock pic as a reply.
Successes? I need to put down the coffee."
We need to swap. I'll take your coffee, you can have my water. With lemon slices. 
Do you really get cock pics back in return? I've always had lovely messages without any cocks in it.  Why won't men objectify me? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"For the women that do insist on this, do YOU send first messages to stimulate the guys mind? Or just post pics of boobs and demand r.e.s.p.e.c.t....
"
Shhhhh they're too busy untangling the strings from the puppets |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't think someone expects to have their brain stimulated immediately. Generally I find that if that's on a profile they're saying that they want the mental masturbation side of things as well sex.
If your conversational style is a tad dreary, regardless of how pretty you are they probably won't want to fuck you.
And look, I get it. Women do send pretty crap introductory messages.
I don't think they're talking about your opening though.
I send awesome first messages.
I have 100% successes rate of getting a cock pic as a reply.
Successes? I need to put down the coffee.
We need to swap. I'll take your coffee, you can have my water. With lemon slices.
Do you really get cock pics back in return? I've always had lovely messages without any cocks in it. Why won't men objectify me?"
I'm ready to run a marathon now. A small one.
It could be the fact I state please send me a cock pic... |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
"[Stimulation removed by poster at 24/07/23 07:06:05]
It's early. I need caffeine in a pumpkin mug. 
Video on its way pal, your brain is welcome. "
Mate. If there's not a video I'm actually going to cry a lot and start a not subtle thread about men who are cuntteases in a very not subtle way.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"For the women that do insist on this, do YOU send first messages to stimulate the guys mind? Or just post pics of boobs and demand r.e.s.p.e.c.t....
Shhhhh they're too busy untangling the strings from the puppets "
I'm going soon before I get into trouble. |
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Well make sure you've read their profile in its entirety, make conversations about what you read there and make them want to know more about you..
Cock pics as a profile pic are for me always a turn off..
Leave something to the imagination and if it comes it does...
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By *mtasticCouple
over a year ago
Coventry |
"We are totally guilty of this, but we can't tell people what to write. All we know is "hi there" and "wanna fuck" being the sum-total from a silhouette with 10 words on their bio is bad.
We don't expect War & Peace, but just anything to break the ice that shows you have more brain cells than teeth."
Absolutely this |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We have no idea what to say when we see this on profiles! I’m reasonably intelligent and love deep conversation, but I’m also a sarcastic dickhead that loves a dirty joke. So it’s hard to know how they want their mind stimulated without knowing them in the slightest
We just try the same style of message we normally do which is something based on their profile. Nothing too in depth, just what we like about their pics and profile and why we think we’d have a good time together.
Mr |
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For me its enough on the first message that they have read my profile and share at least one thing in it. That starts the conversation. I have made it super easy by listing some of the things I like. Other profiles may not make this approach easy. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Mine says I like mental stimulation but I dont expect that on a first message. I want someone to actually try to engage me in a conversation without it being simply hi or want to fuck.
Use your brain, read my profile and make it fit. |
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If you don't as you put it "stimulate my brain" I just won't want to engage. And it's nothing do to with intelligence, it's whether the message is engaging or not.
I have messages and I'm paraphrasing, your Mrs has great tits or I've just wanked over your photos. What else can you say but thanks? Messages which actually start a conversation enages the mind and hence I'm more likely to reply. It's not a difficult concept. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I can work with a hi how are you message if I'm interested in seeing how things may go.
Conversation isn't one sided"
To be fair if I'm interested I have replied to those types of messages. |
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Just to throw another dynamic to this thread. If for example the person does reply to myself ill try to then send open ended questions about the day, their profile, just general stuff so i cant try and "stimulate their brain".
If that person then sends a one word reply of just a standard sentence or somthing vauge or dull, then I cut my loses and move on.
Should be a two way street and I mean this in regards to everyone not just women, I've messaged guys and couples who have been the same, before anyone assumes this is a dig at one group. |
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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
"Just to throw another dynamic to this thread. If for example the person does reply to myself ill try to then send open ended questions about the day, their profile, just general stuff so i cant try and "stimulate their brain".
If that person then sends a one word reply of just a standard sentence or somthing vauge or dull, then I cut my loses and move on.
Should be a two way street and I mean this in regards to everyone not just women, I've messaged guys and couples who have been the same, before anyone assumes this is a dig at one group. "
Alright, how's your day going? |
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"Just to throw another dynamic to this thread. If for example the person does reply to myself ill try to then send open ended questions about the day, their profile, just general stuff so i cant try and "stimulate their brain".
If that person then sends a one word reply of just a standard sentence or somthing vauge or dull, then I cut my loses and move on.
Should be a two way street and I mean this in regards to everyone not just women, I've messaged guys and couples who have been the same, before anyone assumes this is a dig at one group.
Alright, how's your day going?"
*delet*  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We offer quite a bit of insight into us in our profile bio.
Giving an idea on what makes us tick.
It's often the case that is evident from the first message how things may go, rarely differs.
Touching on an idea based on any scenario we touch on shows attentiveness and expresses where their interest lies, regarding us/our profile.
What makes us chuckle is when we receive a message saying they'd love to know more about us, or to see more of us, when they've two grainy, nothing like pictures and a bio giving no clues to what they seek.
We often mention our bio is descriptive, explain we want all to enjoy and not just someone performing to our fantasies, then ask how they would hope a first time meet with us might go.
In the hope to prompt them, in some cases it works brilliantly. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You read that all the time but how is someone supposed to do that in a first message, right away, without writing a book?
I usually just ignore this but curious what the ladies answer here (50-50 they don't know either)"
Why bother, they won't reply anyway! |
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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
"Just to throw another dynamic to this thread. If for example the person does reply to myself ill try to then send open ended questions about the day, their profile, just general stuff so i cant try and "stimulate their brain".
If that person then sends a one word reply of just a standard sentence or somthing vauge or dull, then I cut my loses and move on.
Should be a two way street and I mean this in regards to everyone not just women, I've messaged guys and couples who have been the same, before anyone assumes this is a dig at one group.
Alright, how's your day going?
*delet* "
Ooh, you do know you spelled delete wrong. Do you prefer to use spelled or spelt? I usually use spelt, as it's the standard UK spelling, but, I feel so much of the British language has been influenced by the US that most people prefer spelled now.
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"You read that all the time but how is someone supposed to do that in a first message, right away, without writing a book?
I usually just ignore this but curious what the ladies answer here (50-50 they don't know either)"
When you find someone you really like it’s not hard at all. It does mean putting in effort and risking it might not pay off
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"Just to throw another dynamic to this thread. If for example the person does reply to myself ill try to then send open ended questions about the day, their profile, just general stuff so i cant try and "stimulate their brain".
If that person then sends a one word reply of just a standard sentence or somthing vauge or dull, then I cut my loses and move on.
Should be a two way street and I mean this in regards to everyone not just women, I've messaged guys and couples who have been the same, before anyone assumes this is a dig at one group.
Alright, how's your day going?
*delet*
Ooh, you do know you spelled delete wrong. Do you prefer to use spelled or spelt? I usually use spelt, as it's the standard UK spelling, but, I feel so much of the British language has been influenced by the US that most people prefer spelled now.
"
That's how we spell it in the part of Ireland I'm from haha |
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"But still would like to know what those messages are supposed to look like... Examples would be good. Out of pure curiosity."
After I've arranged a meet I would stimulate the mind by sending one photo a day from about five days before a meet.
e.g.
Day 1- Send a photo of my mattress in front of the open fire.
Day 2- Same scene but with fire and candles lit.
Day 3- Same as day 2 but with handcuffs lying on the mattress.
Etc, etc.
You don't even have to say anything, just send a pic a day, then the day before a meet saying, "tomorrow, you'll be here and I'll be........to you!" |
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By *apnDom OP Man
over a year ago
London | Belfast |
"Mine says I like mental stimulation but I dont expect that on a first message. I want someone to actually try to engage me in a conversation without it being simply hi or want to fuck.
Use your brain, read my profile and make it fit."
Like what. Copy a good first message that made you reply and post it here |
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"You read that all the time but how is someone supposed to do that in a first message, right away, without writing a book?
I usually just ignore this but curious what the ladies answer here (50-50 they don't know either)
I want my brain stimulated but I don't expect that in a first message. Not at all.
My ideal is friendly and something
said that shows you have read at least a little of my profile. And that there is something in your written profile that is engaging or interesting or gives insight into who you are. Something I can use in a reply."
This! We don't expect a long laborious message but something friendly and maybe even gives us something to go off x |
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By *apnDom OP Man
over a year ago
London | Belfast |
"If you don't as you put it "stimulate my brain" I just won't want to engage. And it's nothing do to with intelligence, it's whether the message is engaging or not.
I have messages and I'm paraphrasing, your Mrs has great tits or I've just wanked over your photos. What else can you say but thanks? Messages which actually start a conversation enages the mind and hence I'm more likely to reply. It's not a difficult concept. "
Yeah those are horrible. Now show us good examples. |
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By *apnDom OP Man
over a year ago
London | Belfast |
"You read that all the time but how is someone supposed to do that in a first message, right away, without writing a book?
I usually just ignore this but curious what the ladies answer here (50-50 they don't know either)
I want my brain stimulated but I don't expect that in a first message. Not at all.
My ideal is friendly and something
said that shows you have read at least a little of my profile. And that there is something in your written profile that is engaging or interesting or gives insight into who you are. Something I can use in a reply.
This! We don't expect a long laborious message but something friendly and maybe even gives us something to go off x"
Like what? Concrete examples please. |
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"What makes us chuckle is when we receive a message saying they'd love to know more about us, or to see more of us, when they've two grainy, nothing like pictures and a bio giving no clues to what they seek.
"
Drives us mad, people don't realise they need to give something for others to go off!! |
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By *apnDom OP Man
over a year ago
London | Belfast |
"What makes us chuckle is when we receive a message saying they'd love to know more about us, or to see more of us, when they've two grainy, nothing like pictures and a bio giving no clues to what they seek.
Drives us mad, people don't realise they need to give something for others to go off!!"
If that makes you mad, then you do it wrong. It's a two way street. Why don't you give them something to go off about?
No seriously, I understand that men just have to give you something to talk about, but a good conversationalist knows how to create a topic and keep it going. If they don't give you anything, then you can talk about something and keep it going. It's not only up to men, theoretically. Only in practicality. |
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"You read that all the time but how is someone supposed to do that in a first message, right away, without writing a book?
I usually just ignore this but curious what the ladies answer here (50-50 they don't know either)
I want my brain stimulated but I don't expect that in a first message. Not at all.
My ideal is friendly and something
said that shows you have read at least a little of my profile. And that there is something in your written profile that is engaging or interesting or gives insight into who you are. Something I can use in a reply.
This! We don't expect a long laborious message but something friendly and maybe even gives us something to go off x
Like what? Concrete examples please."
Concrete
"Hey guys, hope you're having a good weekend? I love the flashing pics of Xeno, where were they taken? Also fellow nerd here, couldn't help but notice the PS5 controller in that pic haha. Do you have any other consoles?
Anyway hope to hear from you guys, if not happy fabbing! x"
It wouldn't necessarily have to include any of the things I've mentioned, but it just shows they've bounced off of what we've already shared |
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"What makes us chuckle is when we receive a message saying they'd love to know more about us, or to see more of us, when they've two grainy, nothing like pictures and a bio giving no clues to what they seek.
Drives us mad, people don't realise they need to give something for others to go off!!
If that makes you mad, then you do it wrong. It's a two way street. Why don't you give them something to go off about?
No seriously, I understand that men just have to give you something to talk about, but a good conversationalist knows how to create a topic and keep it going. If they don't give you anything, then you can talk about something and keep it going. It's not only up to men, theoretically. Only in practicality."
We do, but a lot of men just plain don't bother. Not all of them thankfully. But if we're not interested in the first place, we're not going to exercise our conversation skills  |
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By *apnDom OP Man
over a year ago
London | Belfast |
"You read that all the time but how is someone supposed to do that in a first message, right away, without writing a book?
I usually just ignore this but curious what the ladies answer here (50-50 they don't know either)
I want my brain stimulated but I don't expect that in a first message. Not at all.
My ideal is friendly and something
said that shows you have read at least a little of my profile. And that there is something in your written profile that is engaging or interesting or gives insight into who you are. Something I can use in a reply.
This! We don't expect a long laborious message but something friendly and maybe even gives us something to go off x
Like what? Concrete examples please.
Concrete
"Hey guys, hope you're having a good weekend? I love the flashing pics of Xeno, where were they taken? Also fellow nerd here, couldn't help but notice the PS5 controller in that pic haha. Do you have any other consoles?
Anyway hope to hear from you guys, if not happy fabbing! x"
It wouldn't necessarily have to include any of the things I've mentioned, but it just shows they've bounced off of what we've already shared "
Wait that is not a real message? "it"? |
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"You read that all the time but how is someone supposed to do that in a first message, right away, without writing a book?
I usually just ignore this but curious what the ladies answer here (50-50 they don't know either)
I want my brain stimulated but I don't expect that in a first message. Not at all.
My ideal is friendly and something
said that shows you have read at least a little of my profile. And that there is something in your written profile that is engaging or interesting or gives insight into who you are. Something I can use in a reply.
This! We don't expect a long laborious message but something friendly and maybe even gives us something to go off x
Like what? Concrete examples please.
Concrete
"Hey guys, hope you're having a good weekend? I love the flashing pics of Xeno, where were they taken? Also fellow nerd here, couldn't help but notice the PS5 controller in that pic haha. Do you have any other consoles?
Anyway hope to hear from you guys, if not happy fabbing! x"
It wouldn't necessarily have to include any of the things I've mentioned, but it just shows they've bounced off of what we've already shared
Wait that is not a real message? "it"?"
No it's not real, because there's been nothing memorable recently |
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By *apnDom OP Man
over a year ago
London | Belfast |
"No it's not real, because there's been nothing memorable recently "
I kind of knew it. Because that message would totally not work irl.
Please only post actual messages that made you reply. Otherwise this whole thread is pointless haha
(btw does that mean you haven't replied to any new messages in so long that you can't find any first messages any more?) |
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I think of the first message as the equivalent to someone saying hi in a club. It’s breaking the ice. If that first approach is much more than ‘hi, you look nice’ then I find it weird.
I read the message and review any attached pics and the profile pic. If they don’t grab me I delete. If the person clearly hasn’t read my profile bio then I block.
If the message and pics are ok I’ll check out the pics on the profile and their height (my profile mentions a height preference because I’m a tall woman). I then take the same approach as step one which is to either delete or block if I’m no longer interested.
If we get past message, pics and height being ok I’ll check out the bio and take the same approach as above.
If I’m still interested I’ll reply and it’s at this point I’d like to see some interesting messages, flitting etc. Straight off the bat is too much though. If anyone approached me in real life which a 5 min speech I’d walk off. Same rules apply here. |
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By *apnDom OP Man
over a year ago
London | Belfast |
"I think of the first message as the equivalent to someone saying hi in a club. It’s breaking the ice. If that first approach is much more than ‘hi, you look nice’ then I find it weird."
Yeah, exactly wht I think, too. But then you come across 50 to a 100 profiles stating they don't want one liners and need their "brains stimulated" to get a reply. Hence the thread.  |
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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Travelling |
I gave up on attempting to stimulate brains.
Long gone is the effort to attempt to. I do something/say something if that attracts somebody then all good. If not all good.
No more bending over backwards as I jump through a hoop to maybe appeal to somebody |
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"No it's not real, because there's been nothing memorable recently
I kind of knew it. Because that message would totally not work irl.
Please only post actual messages that made you reply. Otherwise this whole thread is pointless haha
(btw does that mean you haven't replied to any new messages in so long that you can't find any first messages any more?)"
No, but I assumed you wanted an ideal first message example. People will pick fault with whatever messages I share because they'll wonder why their own similar first messages haven't been replied to |
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"No it's not real, because there's been nothing memorable recently
I kind of knew it. Because that message would totally not work irl.
Please only post actual messages that made you reply. Otherwise this whole thread is pointless haha
(btw does that mean you haven't replied to any new messages in so long that you can't find any first messages any more?)"
Irl we received a message very similar some time ago. Why wouldn't it work? |
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By *apnDom OP Man
over a year ago
London | Belfast |
"No it's not real, because there's been nothing memorable recently
I kind of knew it. Because that message would totally not work irl.
Please only post actual messages that made you reply. Otherwise this whole thread is pointless haha
(btw does that mean you haven't replied to any new messages in so long that you can't find any first messages any more?)
No, but I assumed you wanted an ideal first message example. People will pick fault with whatever messages I share because they'll wonder why their own similar first messages haven't been replied to"
The problem with written up ideal messages is that they're often just idealistic but not realistic. Your ideal first message has been written like a million times and has been ignored 999999 times.
Post actual examples. Pretty sure at this point tht you just hide them because they're not very brain stimulating anyway (as we all already suspect) |
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"No it's not real, because there's been nothing memorable recently
I kind of knew it. Because that message would totally not work irl.
Please only post actual messages that made you reply. Otherwise this whole thread is pointless haha
(btw does that mean you haven't replied to any new messages in so long that you can't find any first messages any more?)
No, but I assumed you wanted an ideal first message example. People will pick fault with whatever messages I share because they'll wonder why their own similar first messages haven't been replied to
The problem with written up ideal messages is that they're often just idealistic but not realistic. Your ideal first message has been written like a million times and has been ignored 999999 times.
Post actual examples. Pretty sure at this point tht you just hide them because they're not very brain stimulating anyway (as we all already suspect)"
Here's the thing, one size doesn't fit all for first messages that people like and want to respond to. Mad I know! |
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By *apnDom OP Man
over a year ago
London | Belfast |
"No it's not real, because there's been nothing memorable recently
I kind of knew it. Because that message would totally not work irl.
Please only post actual messages that made you reply. Otherwise this whole thread is pointless haha
(btw does that mean you haven't replied to any new messages in so long that you can't find any first messages any more?)
No, but I assumed you wanted an ideal first message example. People will pick fault with whatever messages I share because they'll wonder why their own similar first messages haven't been replied to
The problem with written up ideal messages is that they're often just idealistic but not realistic. Your ideal first message has been written like a million times and has been ignored 999999 times.
Post actual examples. Pretty sure at this point tht you just hide them because they're not very brain stimulating anyway (as we all already suspect)
Here's the thing, one size doesn't fit all for first messages that people like and want to respond to. Mad I know!"
Avoiding the answer as usual |
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"Not sure I'd expect that in a first message ..think tha would be asking lot.
I feel like some do though. Bios say to be creative and while I get that short messages are shit, ultimately, I don't fucking know you or what you like, what on earth am I suppose to say outside of "how are you?" or "how was your day?" to get to know you and yet, it seems to be something women and couples can get away with because by their own standards, the first messages to me have been fucking dire, whereas I'd be sent to the goddamn Hague if I sent those.
Ok, rant over "
And breath...nice slow deep ones!! I agree though..when the 2nd and other messages come through the same, as in with no other conversation or nothing past one, two or three words I want conversation to make a connection, that makes for a better meet or even just a laugh on here. |
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I like a question I haven't answered before, at least not multiple times a day. Something at least vaguely related to something I've written or shown, unaccompanied by a penis picture.
Recent good messages have been about specific areas of nerdery and philosophy.
Hey how are you will get a Fine at best, a no thanks or just delete depending on mood. |
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"No it's not real, because there's been nothing memorable recently
I kind of knew it. Because that message would totally not work irl.
Please only post actual messages that made you reply. Otherwise this whole thread is pointless haha
(btw does that mean you haven't replied to any new messages in so long that you can't find any first messages any more?)
No, but I assumed you wanted an ideal first message example. People will pick fault with whatever messages I share because they'll wonder why their own similar first messages haven't been replied to
The problem with written up ideal messages is that they're often just idealistic but not realistic. Your ideal first message has been written like a million times and has been ignored 999999 times.
Post actual examples. Pretty sure at this point tht you just hide them because they're not very brain stimulating anyway (as we all already suspect)
Here's the thing, one size doesn't fit all for first messages that people like and want to respond to. Mad I know!
Avoiding the answer as usual "
I'm not actually sure what you want me to say, because I've given an example of what we'd reply to and that wasn't good enough - if I give a real message we've received you'll only whinge because you sent one similar and it wasn't replied to |
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By *apnDom OP Man
over a year ago
London | Belfast |
"No it's not real, because there's been nothing memorable recently
I kind of knew it. Because that message would totally not work irl.
Please only post actual messages that made you reply. Otherwise this whole thread is pointless haha
(btw does that mean you haven't replied to any new messages in so long that you can't find any first messages any more?)
No, but I assumed you wanted an ideal first message example. People will pick fault with whatever messages I share because they'll wonder why their own similar first messages haven't been replied to
The problem with written up ideal messages is that they're often just idealistic but not realistic. Your ideal first message has been written like a million times and has been ignored 999999 times.
Post actual examples. Pretty sure at this point tht you just hide them because they're not very brain stimulating anyway (as we all already suspect)
Here's the thing, one size doesn't fit all for first messages that people like and want to respond to. Mad I know!
Avoiding the answer as usual
I'm not actually sure what you want me to say, because I've given an example of what we'd reply to and that wasn't good enough - if I give a real message we've received you'll only whinge because you sent one similar and it wasn't replied to "
Typical. Can't answer the question, makes something up, then argues. Very productive. NOT.
But nevermind, no reason to check back for me any more. |
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"This thread is going nowhere
Everyone just likes to complain about the things they don't like, but no one likes to talk about what actually worked with them. Gotta love fabs. "
I mean, we're not allowed to post the exact messages received, so I'm not sure what you're actually thinking you're going to get. |
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By *apnDom OP Man
over a year ago
London | Belfast |
"This thread is going nowhere
Everyone just likes to complain about the things they don't like, but no one likes to talk about what actually worked with them. Gotta love fabs.
I mean, we're not allowed to post the exact messages received, so I'm not sure what you're actually thinking you're going to get."
I said the exact opposite of that, babes |
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We want a little more than a copy and paste or a FAF message.
Doesn’t have to be war and peace as to be honest, if your profile and pics aren’t up to scratch, we probably won’t reply.
It’s all got to be working for us as it shows you are serious about using FAB for swinging rather than fuck and go’s.
We make an effort…we’d like that from our potential play partners too.
K |
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"No it's not real, because there's been nothing memorable recently
I kind of knew it. Because that message would totally not work irl.
Please only post actual messages that made you reply. Otherwise this whole thread is pointless haha
(btw does that mean you haven't replied to any new messages in so long that you can't find any first messages any more?)
No, but I assumed you wanted an ideal first message example. People will pick fault with whatever messages I share because they'll wonder why their own similar first messages haven't been replied to
The problem with written up ideal messages is that they're often just idealistic but not realistic. Your ideal first message has been written like a million times and has been ignored 999999 times.
Post actual examples. Pretty sure at this point tht you just hide them because they're not very brain stimulating anyway (as we all already suspect)
Here's the thing, one size doesn't fit all for first messages that people like and want to respond to. Mad I know!
Avoiding the answer as usual
I'm not actually sure what you want me to say, because I've given an example of what we'd reply to and that wasn't good enough - if I give a real message we've received you'll only whinge because you sent one similar and it wasn't replied to
Typical. Can't answer the question, makes something up, then argues. Very productive. NOT.
But nevermind, no reason to check back for me any more. "
No idea what's productive about this thread, my original point is that we'd prefer not to get messages that describe me as a hole and nowt else. But we're just another entitled couple I guess  |
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"This thread is going nowhere
Everyone just likes to complain about the things they don't like, but no one likes to talk about what actually worked with them. Gotta love fabs.
I mean, we're not allowed to post the exact messages received, so I'm not sure what you're actually thinking you're going to get."
I was starting to wonder what I was missing! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"You read that all the time but how is someone supposed to do that in a first message, right away, without writing a book?
I usually just ignore this but curious what the ladies answer here (50-50 they don't know either)"
It's not something you'll find out in a first message. |
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"Not sure I'd expect that in a first message ..think tha would be asking lot.
I feel like some do though. Bios say to be creative and while I get that short messages are shit, ultimately, I don't fucking know you or what you like, what on earth am I suppose to say outside of "how are you?" or "how was your day?" to get to know you and yet, it seems to be something women and couples can get away with because by their own standards, the first messages to me have been fucking dire, whereas I'd be sent to the goddamn Hague if I sent those.
Ok, rant over "
For crimes against fab?? I'll visit you in prison  |
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"This thread is going nowhere
Everyone just likes to complain about the things they don't like, but no one likes to talk about what actually worked with them. Gotta love fabs. "
I had a message from a guy recently who said he'd seen my posts in a forum and he agreed with what I said, made a refreshing change from the " your pics are great mind if I wank over them " |
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By *apnDom OP Man
over a year ago
London | Belfast |
"No idea what's productive about this thread, my original point is that we'd prefer not to get messages that describe me as a hole and nowt else. But we're just another entitled couple I guess "
I mean, if you don't understand the thread, maybe I need to explain it again? Let me get my crayons so I can scribble and draw "WE WANTZ EXAMPLES" and not complaints or made up pseudo-messages
All this thread has so far is women saying what they don't want, men sharing my experience, and some women admitting it's rubbish to ask for that. But what's missing, and what I intended to get here, were REAL examples of good first messages that pretty much guarantee a reply. The types that "stimulate the brain" right away.
Is that really so difficult to understand? Why do you get so entitled here and start to throw a tantrum?
Bet next thing you're throwing at me is that I am the one who needs to chill down because YOUR responses upset ME. I can predict the gaslighting
It used to be a fun topic, now it's just you pushing frustration in here and give it all a negative spin, derailing the topic and basically starting a personal argument with me for repeating what I asked over and over again. Staying on topic is so evil of me, eh? |
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"This thread is going nowhere
Everyone just likes to complain about the things they don't like, but no one likes to talk about what actually worked with them. Gotta love fabs.
I mean, we're not allowed to post the exact messages received, so I'm not sure what you're actually thinking you're going to get.
I said the exact opposite of that, babes "
Ah, that was my mistake. Answering the question as if it was an actual person asking.
Posting the exact messages received gets people a forum suspension. The question has been as answered as it's going to be. |
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"You read that all the time but how is someone supposed to do that in a first message, right away, without writing a book?
I usually just ignore this but curious what the ladies answer here (50-50 they don't know either)
I want my brain stimulated but I don't expect that in a first message. Not at all.
My ideal is friendly and something
said that shows you have read at least a little of my profile. And that there is something in your written profile that is engaging or interesting or gives insight into who you are. Something I can use in a reply."
Yes - pretty much exactly this from the male perspective too.
Whoever is writing, I can usually tell within 3-4 lines (maybe words…?) if they’re someone I’m interested in meeting or chatting to further.
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If you weren't already blocked I'd be blocking you again OP, your vitriol and loose use of the term gaslighting might be what's putting people off
And before you wank over the fact I'm not participating in this thread anymore, I'm leaving fab be this evening for my mental health. Because there's a real person behind the screen
 |
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"You read that all the time but how is someone supposed to do that in a first message, right away, without writing a book?
I usually just ignore this but curious what the ladies answer here (50-50 they don't know either)
I want my brain stimulated but I don't expect that in a first message. Not at all.
My ideal is friendly and something
said that shows you have read at least a little of my profile. And that there is something in your written profile that is engaging or interesting or gives insight into who you are. Something I can use in a reply."
You're right, Star Trek.
And Eccles Cake. |
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By *mber81Woman
over a year ago
Lives in Preston, Eng |
"You read that all the time but how is someone supposed to do that in a first message, right away, without writing a book?
I usually just ignore this but curious what the ladies answer here (50-50 they don't know either)
I want my brain stimulated but I don't expect that in a first message. Not at all.
My ideal is friendly and something
said that shows you have read at least a little of my profile. And that there is something in your written profile that is engaging or interesting or gives insight into who you are. Something I can use in a reply.
You're right, Star Trek.
And Eccles Cake. "
This. This is an example. |
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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
"This thread is going nowhere
Everyone just likes to complain about the things they don't like, but no one likes to talk about what actually worked with them. Gotta love fabs. "
We aren't allowed to post actual private messages we've received.
|
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By *mber81Woman
over a year ago
Lives in Preston, Eng |
I get a lot of messages about cake, star wars, and star trek.
Occasionally I get a message about other sci fi or fantasy, plants, adhd or suck cost fallacy.
My profile is long and deliberately scattered with things that even a cursory glance gives someone something they can say if it interests them.
If they have a profile too that interests me then that is the best combination for me. But I am one (slightly strange person). And you are
|
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By *apnDom OP Man
over a year ago
London | Belfast |
"If you weren't already blocked I'd be blocking you again OP, your vitriol and loose use of the term gaslighting might be what's putting people off
And before you wank over the fact I'm not participating in this thread anymore, I'm leaving fab be this evening for my mental health. Because there's a real person behind the screen
"
Good riddance. |
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"This thread is going nowhere
Everyone just likes to complain about the things they don't like, but no one likes to talk about what actually worked with them. Gotta love fabs.
We aren't allowed to post actual private messages we've received.
"
How'd it take this long for someone to point this one out, slow day forum folk, slooow day |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
You've started two threads, both complaining about women. Now you're arguing with those who bothered to reply. What are you aiming for because if it's to get blocked by half the lounge - success! |
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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
"This thread is going nowhere
Everyone just likes to complain about the things they don't like, but no one likes to talk about what actually worked with them. Gotta love fabs.
We aren't allowed to post actual private messages we've received.
How'd it take this long for someone to point this one out, slow day forum folk, slooow day "
It's in the rules.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"This thread is going nowhere
Everyone just likes to complain about the things they don't like, but no one likes to talk about what actually worked with them. Gotta love fabs.
We aren't allowed to post actual private messages we've received.
How'd it take this long for someone to point this one out, slow day forum folk, slooow day
It's in the rules.
"
But it's someone else's fault that he didn't read them, Nanna. |
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By *apnDom OP Man
over a year ago
London | Belfast |
"This thread is going nowhere
Everyone just likes to complain about the things they don't like, but no one likes to talk about what actually worked with them. Gotta love fabs.
We aren't allowed to post actual private messages we've received.
How'd it take this long for someone to point this one out, slow day forum folk, slooow day
It's in the rules.
But it's someone else's fault that he didn't read them, Nanna. "
I did read them. What is wrong with "I recently got a messages like "Hey, you had nice tits and I had a wank over them. Wanna fuck?" and I found that so engaging, I just had to write back"?
That is not against the rules at all, and yet would be an actual message that was hypothetically answered.
You guys just love to complain. "Oh I don't like this, I don't like that, they shouldn't do this, they shouldn't do tht." "And what are they supposed to do instead?" "Well not xyz" "But what?" "I also didn't like xyz".
lol |
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The last message I sent someone was
Good evening, hope you're well
Saw on the forum post you had an intrest in cbt and nettle play. I've recently had the pleasure of playing with someone who is experienced in this and it's something I would like to expand on. Would you like to chat
That's the kind of messages I send. It doesn't always lead to play but I always get a reply as I'm always respectful in messaging and there's a reason why I'm messaging and it's not just a copy in paste
To answer the question on 'stimulate my brain' on messages it means be a bit interesting, don't be crude and the person wants more than 10 a penny chat. It's quite simple really
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"I get a lot of messages about cake, star wars, and star trek.
Occasionally I get a message about other sci fi or fantasy, plants, adhd or suck cost fallacy.
My profile is long and deliberately scattered with things that even a cursory glance gives someone something they can say if it interests them.
If they have a profile too that interests me then that is the best combination for me. But I am one (slightly strange person). And you are
"
I can't message you, becuse of filters.
But the newest Dune film, its not just me that finds the audio really quite?
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"This thread is going nowhere
Everyone just likes to complain about the things they don't like, but no one likes to talk about what actually worked with them. Gotta love fabs.
We aren't allowed to post actual private messages we've received.
How'd it take this long for someone to point this one out, slow day forum folk, slooow day
It's in the rules.
But it's someone else's fault that he didn't read them, Nanna.
I did read them. What is wrong with "I recently got a messages like "Hey, you had nice tits and I had a wank over them. Wanna fuck?" and I found that so engaging, I just had to write back"?
That is not against the rules at all"
...yeah, but it is |
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Indubitably, when presenting oneself as one likely to capture the ethereal as well as the corporeal, one should inevitably aspire to present one's vocabulary as if one was locked in mortal and eternal strife with that nefarious linguist Giles Brandreth on BBC 4's now more than quinquagenarian Just A Minute, and thus by employing one's illustrious post-Norman Anglo-Saxon demotic woo the object of one's lascivious affectations.
Or alternatively, nice shoes wanna fuck? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This thread is going nowhere
Everyone just likes to complain about the things they don't like, but no one likes to talk about what actually worked with them. Gotta love fabs.
We aren't allowed to post actual private messages we've received.
How'd it take this long for someone to point this one out, slow day forum folk, slooow day
It's in the rules.
But it's someone else's fault that he didn't read them, Nanna.
I did read them. What is wrong with "I recently got a messages like "Hey, you had nice tits and I had a wank over them. Wanna fuck?" and I found that so engaging, I just had to write back"?
That is not against the rules at all, and yet would be an actual message that was hypothetically answered.
You guys just love to complain. "Oh I don't like this, I don't like that, they shouldn't do this, they shouldn't do tht." "And what are they supposed to do instead?" "Well not xyz" "But what?" "I also didn't like xyz".
lol "
Yes, we are the ones who love to complain. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"The last message I sent someone was
Good evening, hope you're well
Saw on the forum post you had an intrest in cbt and nettle play. I've recently had the pleasure of playing with someone who is experienced in this and it's something I would like to expand on. Would you like to chat
That's the kind of messages I send. It doesn't always lead to play but I always get a reply as I'm always respectful in messaging and there's a reason why I'm messaging and it's not just a copy in paste
To answer the question on 'stimulate my brain' on messages it means be a bit interesting, don't be crude and the person wants more than 10 a penny chat. It's quite simple really
"
stinging but true,lucky guy |
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