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Thoughts on this
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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"I don't think you have to be a parent to recognise poor parenting skills Mr P."
This.
But I don't judge how parents parent. I judge how they human.
Some people don't do that very well and shouldn't be in charge of crotch goblins. That's the people of the future they're trying to bring up. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Anyone with or without kids judging how anyone else parents is pants x"
Sometimes feels worse from another parent but equally I can’t help but feel ‘literally fuck off’ when they’re not a parent/carer |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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They aren’t qualified to advise. my sister used to try before she had kids announcing all the things she wouldn’t do as a parent (that I did) fast forward a few years, mine were cherubs hers are “energetic” shall we say. Always tempted to return the advice but she’s too distracted  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Anyone with or without kids judging how anyone else parents is pants x
Sometimes feels worse from another parent but equally I can’t help but feel ‘literally fuck off’ when they’re not a parent/carer "
I think it is bad I’m like this but want other thoughts. Maybe I need to unlearn or challenge thoughts |
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"People that don’t have kids/ kids in their care judging how you parent? "
I don't think whether they have procreated, or not, should affect their manners, but whilst they may have sympathy, they may struggle with empathy x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"They aren’t qualified to advise. my sister used to try before she had kids announcing all the things she wouldn’t do as a parent (that I did) fast forward a few years, mine were cherubs hers are “energetic” shall we say. Always tempted to return the advice but she’s too distracted "
Unsolicited advice from anyone (parent or not) when you’re a parent is top 2 most annoying things. |
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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"I don't think you have to be a parent to recognise poor parenting skills Mr P.
Boom.
I wouldn't say anything but I can still judge.
"
Ooh. Also this. I wouldn't say anything unless asked. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I don't think you have to be a parent to recognise poor parenting skills Mr P."
This is true. But poor parenting feels like it’s only identified by extremes. People can judge extreme, obvious cases of bad parenting but imo little else. After all we all parent so differently but we’re doing our best. And parenting has taught me that. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
Unsolicited advice from anyone (parent or not) when you’re a parent is top 2 most annoying things.
Or how to parent your children with special needs.
Don’t get me even started on that. "
This one!!
Literally like if I didn’t ask please don’t. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"People that don’t have kids/ kids in their care judging how you parent?
I don't think whether they have procreated, or not, should affect their manners, but whilst they may have sympathy, they may struggle with empathy x"
This. If you haven't had an experience your judgement is irrelevant to me because you are unable to put yourself in my shoes. It's an experience one cannot compare to any other in life. |
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People will judge, that's human nature.
As long as they don't try to tell you how to do it, shouldn't be a problem.
I love looking at my niece and nephew being nightmares when my kids are behaving. My sis in law often used to say 'my kids will never be allowed to do that' when my 5 year olds where being nightmares. But guess what, my kids have grown up to be loving, polite and mannered |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Unsolicited advice from anyone (parent or not) when you’re a parent is top 2 most annoying things.
Or how to parent your children with special needs.
Don’t get me even started on that. "
This too.
T.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"People that don’t have kids/ kids in their care judging how you parent?
I don't think whether they have procreated, or not, should affect their manners, but whilst they may have sympathy, they may struggle with empathy x
This. If you haven't had an experience your judgement is irrelevant to me because you are unable to put yourself in my shoes. It's an experience one cannot compare to any other in life. "
Is it just me that struggles with people comparing parenting to having a dog? I don’t know how to respond to it because I’ve never had a dog. |
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"I don't think you have to be a parent to recognise poor parenting skills Mr P.
This is true. But poor parenting feels like it’s only identified by extremes. People can judge extreme, obvious cases of bad parenting but imo little else. After all we all parent so differently but we’re doing our best. And parenting has taught me that. "
I do have to bite my tounge with my grandaughter! She has some different ideas on parenting one of my great grandsons ! Not sure she b saying the same in a few years lol we all have to learn! I practically co parented her ! X |
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"People that don’t have kids/ kids in their care judging how you parent?
I don't think whether they have procreated, or not, should affect their manners, but whilst they may have sympathy, they may struggle with empathy x
This. If you haven't had an experience your judgement is irrelevant to me because you are unable to put yourself in my shoes. It's an experience one cannot compare to any other in life.
Is it just me that struggles with people comparing parenting to having a dog? I don’t know how to respond to it because I’ve never had a dog. "
Believe me dogs are a breeze! X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"People that don’t have kids/ kids in their care judging how you parent?
I don't think whether they have procreated, or not, should affect their manners, but whilst they may have sympathy, they may struggle with empathy x
This. If you haven't had an experience your judgement is irrelevant to me because you are unable to put yourself in my shoes. It's an experience one cannot compare to any other in life.
Is it just me that struggles with people comparing parenting to having a dog? I don’t know how to respond to it because I’ve never had a dog. "
Maybe it's me being country girl but I never treated pets like kids.
T |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"People that don’t have kids/ kids in their care judging how you parent?
I don't think whether they have procreated, or not, should affect their manners, but whilst they may have sympathy, they may struggle with empathy x
This. If you haven't had an experience your judgement is irrelevant to me because you are unable to put yourself in my shoes. It's an experience one cannot compare to any other in life.
Is it just me that struggles with people comparing parenting to having a dog? I don’t know how to respond to it because I’ve never had a dog.
Maybe it's me being country girl but I never treated pets like kids.
T"
A few people have always talked about their dog when I’m talking about my daughter and I get a bit speechless.  |
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To come back with a more serious answer - unless anyone is being harmed, fuck off.
I'm sure I'm not alone in judging other parents before I had my own kids. All the things I would never do. The boundaries I'd set and maintain. Blah blah blah.
Parenting can be exhausting and overwhelming. There are so many variables at play. Are they tired, bored, hungry? Are you tired, bored, hungry? Do they have particular needs, physically, mentally, emotionally? Do you have particular needs, physically, mentally, emotionally? It's a two-way street. If we as parents aren't getting the support we need then all your best parenting intentions are sure as shit going out the window.
Mrs TMN x |
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It depends. Sometimes they can make very valid observations. Because they were once kids themselves they might be able to point out something a parent is missing or too close to the situation to see.
By far the most judgemental I've found are other parents. Sometimes I could almost hear their disapproval crackling out of them. |
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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
I've been parenting for 42 years on and off. I've looked after loads of babies, toddlers, children and teenagers.
There's no proper way to do anything.
I've laughed at childless people who say my children will never do this, or eat that.
Yea, good luck with that.
You wait until you have a screaming toddler (or two) who can't decide what they want to watch on television and have a meltdown when the wrong one comes on.
Or they suddenly don't like peas and squish them into their hair, then will only eat Quavers.
Minor things, I'll admit, but I've heard it all, over the years.
How I see it is, my children, my rules.
If I'm babysitting I'll ask the parent/guardian their rules and *try to* stick to them.
Until you've been in the thick of it it's easy to look at someone and think they're a bad parent because their child screams in Asda for sweets.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I've been parenting for 42 years on and off. I've looked after loads of babies, toddlers, children and teenagers.
There's no proper way to do anything.
I've laughed at childless people who say my children will never do this, or eat that.
Yea, good luck with that.
You wait until you have a screaming toddler (or two) who can't decide what they want to watch on television and have a meltdown when the wrong one comes on.
Or they suddenly don't like peas and squish them into their hair, then will only eat Quavers.
Minor things, I'll admit, but I've heard it all, over the years.
How I see it is, my children, my rules.
If I'm babysitting I'll ask the parent/guardian their rules and *try to* stick to them.
Until you've been in the thick of it it's easy to look at someone and think they're a bad parent because their child screams in Asda for sweets.
"
People that look at me when my daughter has had a tantrum in public are literally bottom barrel human beings. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Fair enough Mr P, but does that apply to all walks of life?
Nobody who has been a professional sportsman can have a view on the relative merits of any footballers for example?
People who have never been an MP or worked in some Public office can have no view on the qualities of any particular politicians?
If you’ve never designed a building you can have no view on that absolute eyesore that’s being put up in the middle of town?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Unsolicited advice from anyone (parent or not) when you’re a parent is top 2 most annoying things.
Or how to parent your children with special needs.
Don’t get me even started on that. "
"Oh my Barry does that too. Everyone's on the spectrum aren't they?" Bollocks they are! |
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It's easy enough to say they shouldn't judge. But come on are you seriously saying a childless person shouldn't judge a parent who smacks their kid in front of them? Or if they don't help their child to learn the basics of being a human? Everyone was a child once so they have that experience if that is a qualifying criteria? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Fair enough Mr P, but does that apply to all walks of life?
Nobody who has been a professional sportsman can have a view on the relative merits of any footballers for example?
People who have never been an MP or worked in some Public office can have no view on the qualities of any particular politicians?
If you’ve never designed a building you can have no view on that absolute eyesore that’s being put up in the middle of town? "
I think none of these are really comparable to raising a child IN MY OPINION.
But I do think for some things like sports take opinions with a pinch of salt when it’s coming from someone that didn’t play the sport professionally.
MPs I think re actually the ones that have usually never worked in an industry or sector that are judging and making rules for teachers/ doctors etc.
If I’ve not designed or constructed a building I think my opinion on how to do that should not be really considered by the people that do it for a living. |
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Its hard, but amazing too. As a single mum i've struggled at times, and i do appreciate advice...if its constructive!! No one teaches you to be a parent...you just do the best you can. I think i've done ok so far  |
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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
"I've been parenting for 42 years on and off. I've looked after loads of babies, toddlers, children and teenagers.
There's no proper way to do anything.
I've laughed at childless people who say my children will never do this, or eat that.
Yea, good luck with that.
You wait until you have a screaming toddler (or two) who can't decide what they want to watch on television and have a meltdown when the wrong one comes on.
Or they suddenly don't like peas and squish them into their hair, then will only eat Quavers.
Minor things, I'll admit, but I've heard it all, over the years.
How I see it is, my children, my rules.
If I'm babysitting I'll ask the parent/guardian their rules and *try to* stick to them.
Until you've been in the thick of it it's easy to look at someone and think they're a bad parent because their child screams in Asda for sweets.
People that look at me when my daughter has had a tantrum in public are literally bottom barrel human beings. "
I don't care. We have a way of dealing with that and innocent bystanders have to be patient.
We had 3 crying under twos on a packed Uber boat last year.
People around us were great and did some distracting stuff.
Kids cry, sometimes over nothing.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
Unsolicited advice from anyone (parent or not) when you’re a parent is top 2 most annoying things.
Or how to parent your children with special needs.
Don’t get me even started on that.
"Oh my Barry does that too. Everyone's on the spectrum aren't they?" Bollocks they are! "
Literally every time I’ve told someone about my daughter having an assessment they’re like - ‘all toddlers do that’ and I’m like well the people qualified don’t agree with you so… |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Fair enough Mr P, but does that apply to all walks of life?
Nobody who has been a professional sportsman can have a view on the relative merits of any footballers for example?
People who have never been an MP or worked in some Public office can have no view on the qualities of any particular politicians?
If you’ve never designed a building you can have no view on that absolute eyesore that’s being put up in the middle of town? "
You can but it won't matter really.. because you have no clue how much work goes into any of that behind the scenes. It's like me saying Djokovic fucked up Wimbledon final. Would he care? In the same way i find unsolicited parenting advice of those - just insignificant. |
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Our youngest enjoyed screaming very loudly, going bright red and rigid. Especially in public. I often carried them under my arm like a plank of high pitched wood. In all the years they did it only one person ever stopped and asked if they could help me. Plenty looked and tutted though.
If I see anyone struggling with a child now the least I do is give a sympathetic smile
Having said this I judged and judged hard the woman I saw literally screaming "fatty" in her toddler daughters face |
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"Fair enough Mr P, but does that apply to all walks of life?
Nobody who has been a professional sportsman can have a view on the relative merits of any footballers for example?
People who have never been an MP or worked in some Public office can have no view on the qualities of any particular politicians?
If you’ve never designed a building you can have no view on that absolute eyesore that’s being put up in the middle of town?
I think none of these are really comparable to raising a child IN MY OPINION.
But I do think for some things like sports take opinions with a pinch of salt when it’s coming from someone that didn’t play the sport professionally.
MPs I think re actually the ones that have usually never worked in an industry or sector that are judging and making rules for teachers/ doctors etc.
If I’ve not designed or constructed a building I think my opinion on how to do that should not be really considered by the people that do it for a living. "
He wasn't comparing the alternative subjects as a comparison to raising children. |
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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
"Fair enough Mr P, but does that apply to all walks of life?
Nobody who has been a professional sportsman can have a view on the relative merits of any footballers for example?
People who have never been an MP or worked in some Public office can have no view on the qualities of any particular politicians?
If you’ve never designed a building you can have no view on that absolute eyesore that’s being put up in the middle of town? "
People who aren't around children permanently have no idea what it's like.
It's nothing like owning a dog.
I know not all parents are doing a great job, but it's very easy to see a snippet of someone's life and judge.
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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Travelling |
"Fair enough Mr P, but does that apply to all walks of life?
Nobody who has been a professional sportsman can have a view on the relative merits of any footballers for example?
People who have never been an MP or worked in some Public office can have no view on the qualities of any particular politicians?
If you’ve never designed a building you can have no view on that absolute eyesore that’s being put up in the middle of town?
You can but it won't matter really.. because you have no clue how much work goes into any of that behind the scenes. It's like me saying Djokovic fucked up Wimbledon final. Would he care? In the same way i find unsolicited parenting advice of those - just insignificant. "
It won't matter anyway even if it were a parent giving an opinion/advice.
Most people are defensive as fuck and any offering of advice is generally met with a polite "oh thank you" then once with their friends followed by "how fucking dare they". |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Fair enough Mr P, but does that apply to all walks of life?
Nobody who has been a professional sportsman can have a view on the relative merits of any footballers for example?
People who have never been an MP or worked in some Public office can have no view on the qualities of any particular politicians?
If you’ve never designed a building you can have no view on that absolute eyesore that’s being put up in the middle of town?
I think none of these are really comparable to raising a child IN MY OPINION.
But I do think for some things like sports take opinions with a pinch of salt when it’s coming from someone that didn’t play the sport professionally.
MPs I think re actually the ones that have usually never worked in an industry or sector that are judging and making rules for teachers/ doctors etc.
If I’ve not designed or constructed a building I think my opinion on how to do that should not be really considered by the people that do it for a living.
He wasn't comparing the alternative subjects as a comparison to raising children."
Ok then ignore that line |
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"People that don’t have kids/ kids in their care judging how you parent?
I don't think whether they have procreated, or not, should affect their manners, but whilst they may have sympathy, they may struggle with empathy x
This. If you haven't had an experience your judgement is irrelevant to me because you are unable to put yourself in my shoes. It's an experience one cannot compare to any other in life.
Is it just me that struggles with people comparing parenting to having a dog? I don’t know how to respond to it because I’ve never had a dog.
Maybe it's me being country girl but I never treated pets like kids.
T
A few people have always talked about their dog when I’m talking about my daughter and I get a bit speechless. "
But why? Some don't have children and their dog is their fur baby! I know mine are and were! God rest my boy! I can honestly say I love them as much as my human children! X |
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If said bad parenting is genuinely putting a child in danger then id expect someone to step in.
As far as general day to day parenting,I personally get arsey when other parents/care givers try to throw their two cents in unsolicited .Someone who knows nothing about kids? Yeah fuck right off dick cheese
Em x |
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"People that don’t have kids/ kids in their care judging how you parent? "
Some people are really touchy about their parenting. People can always learn though and no parents have brains and ideas too. Its healthy to be open to others ideas and observations. Nobody is perfick! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"To come back with a more serious answer - unless anyone is being harmed, fuck off.
I'm sure I'm not alone in judging other parents before I had my own kids. All the things I would never do. The boundaries I'd set and maintain. Blah blah blah.
Parenting can be exhausting and overwhelming. There are so many variables at play. Are they tired, bored, hungry? Are you tired, bored, hungry? Do they have particular needs, physically, mentally, emotionally? Do you have particular needs, physically, mentally, emotionally? It's a two-way street. If we as parents aren't getting the support we need then all your best parenting intentions are sure as shit going out the window.
Mrs TMN x"
We need a village to raise kids and most of us don't have that. Last thing we need is critics lounge everywhere we go.
T |
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"One of our kids wouldn't eat. Apparently according to other parents I was being soft on them because I wouldn't starve them "
I understand other parents can be oblivious or simply ignorant but I got that far too often from so called “health professionals”.
“She won’t eat what you cooked for family dinner? She will when she gets hungry. Let her get hungry. She won’t starve.”
Only took us 8 years and countless sleepless nights to get her diagnosed with ARFID last year.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"People that don’t have kids/ kids in their care judging how you parent?
I don't think whether they have procreated, or not, should affect their manners, but whilst they may have sympathy, they may struggle with empathy x
This. If you haven't had an experience your judgement is irrelevant to me because you are unable to put yourself in my shoes. It's an experience one cannot compare to any other in life.
Is it just me that struggles with people comparing parenting to having a dog? I don’t know how to respond to it because I’ve never had a dog.
Maybe it's me being country girl but I never treated pets like kids.
T
A few people have always talked about their dog when I’m talking about my daughter and I get a bit speechless.
But why? Some don't have children and their dog is their fur baby! I know mine are and were! God rest my boy! I can honestly say I love them as much as my human children! X"
Oh I don’t doubt the love for a second. But like I said, I don’t have a dog and never did. So I’m not sure how to respond to people comparing having a dog to raising a child. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"People think I don't give a shit as I don't ask about their kids, but it's more trouble than it's worth.
Fuck them kids "
The kids are fine, Marty. Something's got to be done about your parents. |
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I secretly love the fact that my nephew is a fussy eater!
When my daughter was younger my sister used to lecture me about it, and I just have the last laugh!
Especially when we are all out for dinner, and because my daughter is eating broccoli, he starts shoehorning it in! |
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"One of our kids wouldn't eat. Apparently according to other parents I was being soft on them because I wouldn't starve them
I understand other parents can be oblivious or simply ignorant but I got that far too often from so called “health professionals”.
“She won’t eat what you cooked for family dinner? She will when she gets hungry. Let her get hungry. She won’t starve.”
Only took us 8 years and countless sleepless nights to get her diagnosed with ARFID last year.
"
I only mentioned it to health professionals twice. They were both very understanding (turns out they'd had kids who wouldn't eat). Basically they said as long as they're eating chips, baked beans and the occasional apple they'll be fine. They were right too. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Unsolicited advice from anyone (parent or not) when you’re a parent is top 2 most annoying things.
Or how to parent your children with special needs.
Don’t get me even started on that.
"Oh my Barry does that too. Everyone's on the spectrum aren't they?" Bollocks they are!
Literally every time I’ve told someone about my daughter having an assessment they’re like - ‘all toddlers do that’ and I’m like well the people qualified don’t agree with you so… "
Even with diagnosis people will still say stuff. I've just learnt not to let it get under my skin and say "uh huh". |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Grandparents can be worse. They tend to combine nostalgia and an outdated approach to parenting to come out with some of the worst hot takes imaginable."
"I used to push them to the end of the garden and let em scream it out for hours. That'll teach 'em. "  |
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"Grandparents can be worse. They tend to combine nostalgia and an outdated approach to parenting to come out with some of the worst hot takes imaginable."
. My mum once told me with a worried face that my sister in law was giving her children toast that had cooled so the butter didn't melt into it.
I laughed at her and pointed out that with five children under five, two of which were twins and her husband (my brother )in a wheelchair if that was all she could find to criticise she was doing a darn good job. |
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"Grandparents can be worse. They tend to combine nostalgia and an outdated approach to parenting to come out with some of the worst hot takes imaginable.
"I used to push them to the end of the garden and let em scream it out for hours. That'll teach 'em. " "
. When they were crying
'its only temper'.
They're two weeks old, it's not temper  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Grandparents can be worse. They tend to combine nostalgia and an outdated approach to parenting to come out with some of the worst hot takes imaginable."
I was worried my mum would be like this but she’s respectful of our parenting style and she respects our rules when looking after our daughter. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Grandparents can be worse. They tend to combine nostalgia and an outdated approach to parenting to come out with some of the worst hot takes imaginable.
"I used to push them to the end of the garden and let em scream it out for hours. That'll teach 'em. "
. When they were crying
'its only temper'.
They're two weeks old, it's not temper "
Certainly not! They're at least a month before the temper starts. |
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So an adjunct.. Is it only ok to listen and discuss with people who have the exact same experience as you? Or accept we can learn from anyone... Whether learning what to do.. Or equally what not to do? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"So an adjunct.. Is it only ok to listen and discuss with people who have the exact same experience as you? Or accept we can learn from anyone... Whether learning what to do.. Or equally what not to do? "
Unsolicited parenting advice though like what’s the point of it? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So an adjunct.. Is it only ok to listen and discuss with people who have the exact same experience as you? Or accept we can learn from anyone... Whether learning what to do.. Or equally what not to do?
Unsolicited parenting advice though like what’s the point of it? "
Smile and nod and do precisely what you think is right for your kid. Because unsolicited advice (like cocks) will keep coming. |
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By *r TriomanMan
over a year ago
Chippenham Malmesbury area |
My Father physically and mentally abused me, even before I had children of my own, if I saw someone behaving like him towards their kids, I knew that they were bad parents. Having all been children, we all have a view point on parenting.
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"So an adjunct.. Is it only ok to listen and discuss with people who have the exact same experience as you? Or accept we can learn from anyone... Whether learning what to do.. Or equally what not to do?
Unsolicited parenting advice though like what’s the point of it? "
Depends so much on the context of the interaction.. Some parents are so arrogant to think their way is the only way... The point is probably they think they are helping? Who knows... But i dont see it any different to mates offering advice on books or food or shopping or sex or travel or... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"People that don’t have kids/ kids in their care judging how you parent?
Giving advice and helping or actually judging and making accusations ?"
Judging, accusations, offering unsolicited advice. These are the three that I’m referring to. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"So an adjunct.. Is it only ok to listen and discuss with people who have the exact same experience as you? Or accept we can learn from anyone... Whether learning what to do.. Or equally what not to do?
Unsolicited parenting advice though like what’s the point of it?
Depends so much on the context of the interaction.. Some parents are so arrogant to think their way is the only way... The point is probably they think they are helping? Who knows... But i dont see it any different to mates offering advice on books or food or shopping or sex or travel or... "
I can only speak for myself. I don’t think my way is the only way and when I need help or advice I seek it. Unsolicited advice usually offered at the worst times is not helpful. |
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"I don't think you have to be a parent to recognise poor parenting skills Mr P."
We agree you don't need to be a parent to see poor skills.Obviously when you are a parent it is a learning curve and no one is perfect.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Fair enough Mr P, but does that apply to all walks of life?
Nobody who has been a professional sportsman can have a view on the relative merits of any footballers for example?
People who have never been an MP or worked in some Public office can have no view on the qualities of any particular politicians?
If you’ve never designed a building you can have no view on that absolute eyesore that’s being put up in the middle of town?
You can but it won't matter really.. because you have no clue how much work goes into any of that behind the scenes. It's like me saying Djokovic fucked up Wimbledon final. Would he care? In the same way i find unsolicited parenting advice of those - just insignificant. "
Ah yeah I hear ya, whether anyone gives a shit about my opinion doesn’t mean I’m not going to form a view of their child / skills as a parent.
Around my way we’ve had a few issues with antisocial behaviour recently, kids out of control, egging houses, petty crime, rude and abusive behaviour, littering etc etc
Even instances of 13 / 14 year olds out roaming at 2am and 3am in the morning and caught on Ring doorbells up to no good.
You know what, I *DO* have a view on their parents parenting skills. Agreed I have no idea what’s going on behind the scenes but that isn’t going to stop me questioning their ability as a parent! |
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"So an adjunct.. Is it only ok to listen and discuss with people who have the exact same experience as you? Or accept we can learn from anyone... Whether learning what to do.. Or equally what not to do?
Unsolicited parenting advice though like what’s the point of it?
Depends so much on the context of the interaction.. Some parents are so arrogant to think their way is the only way... The point is probably they think they are helping? Who knows... But i dont see it any different to mates offering advice on books or food or shopping or sex or travel or...
I can only speak for myself. I don’t think my way is the only way and when I need help or advice I seek it. Unsolicited advice usually offered at the worst times is not helpful. "
Thats very true too. Vi suppose its the price you pay for having them in your life... Im sure they have plenty of positives too. I can see its very emotive for some folks |
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"I don't think you have to be a parent to recognise poor parenting skills Mr P. We agree you don't need to be a parent to see poor skills.Obviously when you are a parent it is a learning curve and no one is perfect. "
Or good ones |
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"People that don’t have kids/ kids in their care judging how you parent?
Giving advice and helping or actually judging and making accusations ?
Judging, accusations, offering unsolicited advice. These are the three that I’m referring to. "
Thanks Poppet,
1. Be confident in your own parenting style
2. When unsolicited advice comes -accept it with a smile and assume they mean well.
3. Be confident in your own parenting style.
4. Try phrases like - I'll try that next time thanks - or if you've got time ask them a question e.g. my fave is Why do you ask ? or What were the benefits and drawbacks for you when you did that with your children ? ( ask in a nice way even though you couldn't give a tinkers shit and listen to their answer and thank them )
5. Be Confident in your own parenting style
6. Don't take it personally / get defensive ( which you won't if you follow 1, 3 and 5 )
7. You know this one ......
8. If they are child less ask ( with a smile ) That's so kind of you to want the best for baby xxx Where have you seen this carried out and by who ? Did your mum do this for you ? And so on ..... in fact keep going with nice Q's till they fucking hate you and your kids and never want to give advice again.
9 and 10 ...... nothing matters but loving your kids..... which means allowing them their emotions and listening to them.
Just be confident enough to let others give advice even when it's shite. |
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"People that don’t have kids/ kids in their care judging how you parent?
Giving advice and helping or actually judging and making accusations ?
Judging, accusations, offering unsolicited advice. These are the three that I’m referring to.
Thanks Poppet,
1. Be confident in your own parenting style
2. When unsolicited advice comes -accept it with a smile and assume they mean well.
3. Be confident in your own parenting style.
4. Try phrases like - I'll try that next time thanks - or if you've got time ask them a question e.g. my fave is Why do you ask ? or What were the benefits and drawbacks for you when you did that with your children ? ( ask in a nice way even though you couldn't give a tinkers shit and listen to their answer and thank them )
5. Be Confident in your own parenting style
6. Don't take it personally / get defensive ( which you won't if you follow 1, 3 and 5 )
7. You know this one ......
8. If they are child less ask ( with a smile ) That's so kind of you to want the best for baby xxx Where have you seen this carried out and by who ? Did your mum do this for you ? And so on ..... in fact keep going with nice Q's till they fucking hate you and your kids and never want to give advice again.
9 and 10 ...... nothing matters but loving your kids..... which means allowing them their emotions and listening to them.
Just be confident enough to let others give advice even when it's shite. "
Love this x |
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