FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Priority or an option?
Priority or an option?
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
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Very much inspired by another thread (I know, scandalous behaviour).
When it comes down to meeting people; how important is it for you to feel like a priority? Are you comfortable on a backburner?
And for those who are talking to/planning on meeting several people; how do you manage to keep desire/interest burning with each person? Do you find that there's one person who catches your attention more?
What makes someone become a priority rather than an option for you?
I know, it's a lot of questions. You don't have to answer them all. You can post about who you'd like to fuck if you'd rather. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’m not bothered about being a priority as my own time and availability is very limited : so for me it’s all about alignment of diaries.
But I don’t want to be messed around, who does?
If I’m second choice that’s fine but give me plenty of notice!
How about you, OP?  |
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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Travelling |
Depends on the initial expectations and situation.
If we are in deep and regular it's nice to know I'm not an understudy, 2nd option, bench warmer etc.
But if its extremely casual and early on then I'll be whatever number in the queue (just a phrase, I don't mean it with malice people!). I don't need to be priority
With me, I'm not much of a list of people I can go to. I'm definitely more of a poly without being poly. Small number of people I like and enjoy that I'd schedule around more than numbers on a list
Did I pass? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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To me no one’s a “option” to me if I have plans with someone they become my priority I make shour not to plan things with one then cancel plans because someone else has free up or what ever
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Good afternoon Meli, I trust you are well?
In the rare occasions I’ve met someone, they are not the number one priority, at least not over work and family, but I make sure to make them a priority nonetheless. On the other hand, I haven’t been so lucky to be treated that way…hopefully someday |
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Priority. Always. And that goes both ways.
This gentleman refuses to be second best or to be treated as an 'after thought', bordering on behaviour that resembles fickleness or bread-crumbing (I detest that word). I've already said this before - I've invested much emotional drive, feelings and a cognitive connection with an impending meet. My time, emotions and desires are concentrated and not to be diluted with all and sundry.
Meet whomever you wish before meeting me. Meet whomever you desire after you've met me but give me your full and undivided attention in the present, keeping things between us latent and meaningful. |
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I want to be a priority and always make those I am meeting a priority. I would never cancel a meet because something "better" came along. If I felt someone did that to me that would be the end as its just plain rude. |
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I am very well aware that when it comes to swinging we're nobody's actual priority in the context of their wider life. However for the time I'm with a person or people I like the illusion at least, that we're a priority for the duration. I also appreciate a follow up message or reply to our follow up. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Members of my loyalty scheme get priority access, as well as bonus puns, extra gags and a nude every 13 days.
Don't forget to like and subscribe please, OP. |
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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
I've often been treated as an afterthought, not even an option. And I am trying not to let that happen any more.
So I can't be anything other than a priority. I don't have to be number one on a list, hell, it would be a red flag if I were as people have family, work, other life stuff. But for my own mental health I need to feel like I am on the priority list, and also not doing all the running.
And that's how I am with the people in my life as well. My friends are important to me and I hope they know it. New friends come rarely, very rarely, but I make space in my priorities for them too.
If something or someone is important to you, or you're important to them, they (or you) should be a priority. |
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By *ilBWoman
over a year ago
West Midlands |
In my experience beautiful girl, I have favourites, I'm not ashamed to say it, although I am not poly, I sometimes fit the bill occasionally, having a select few people I have that mental, physical connection with is great and I openly put those people above fleeting peenoir that fly past my window.
If I hold someone in high regard, I would hope they would do the same for me.
Swinging is difficult when it comes to this as there's alot of people slapping alot of meat on tables.
But we all know you're a good steak, Japanese Wagyu and if anyone gets a taste, you'd be priority, no one wants a fuckin' rump.
Big love  |
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We never meet people where we feel we are in a queue…
People can meet others and a couple of our play partners do but they still make us feel like we are priorities too.
We do the same - we don’t ignore people or stop talking to them - we keep in touch with play partners as we see them as friends too.
Some people will start messaging all keen and then you can see they are online but not replying - they are what we call plate spinners - keep the conversation going just as a maybe - they don’t go any further.
We only play with people who want to meet us and show that in messages…no problem if life gets in the way as just a quick message to let us know is all good.
K
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't expect or want anyone to make me a priority as I can't or don't want to offer the same in return.
It feels like putting too much into something.
They'll be a priority for the time I'm with them, but outside of that I value space.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When I plan to Meet someone They're my Priority, I've already checked schedules and agreed to it so that's it, I'm there!
I'm used to being the Second/Third choice for a Meet (rare) even with my Friends but that's life.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Every partner in my life is different. And I love them in my life for different reasons. But if I prioritise spending more time with a partner I would like it to be the same. I’ve felt before with a few people like I’m more a partner they want to see out of obligation and that I’m less important to them than they are to me. Never again. Important to know your worth. "
** corrected
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Too many people flake before a meet to see ourselves or them as anything other than an option. We give and expect to be priority when we're physically with them. |
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First meets will always be a social. That's not negotiable.
I've never had a no show or been one, so to me that proves we both had equal priorities.
I've copped on twice that I was to be a plan B and cancelled the social well in advance.
If I'm meeting someone for sex I expect to be their only priority rather than just a number or a box to be ticked.
By the time the question of sex arises I already know if we are on the same page or not and that will determine whether I accept or reject their offer.
That approach means in all the years I've been here I've said no twice as often as I've said yes.
If the sex comes with the added bonus of friendship then the degree of priority will increase. |
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If I am with someone, or arranging to meet someone, they are my first priority. Unfortunately I seldom get the impression from others that I am their first priority. I do kind of understand, hell I don't think that I would be my first priority. It does get me down though. |
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"If I am with someone, or arranging to meet someone, they are my first priority. Unfortunately I seldom get the impression from others that I am their first priority. I do kind of understand, hell I don't think that I would be my first priority. It does get me down though."
No. You need to be your own first priority and you deserve to be their priority. Stand up for yourself. You are worth it. |
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By *apnDomMan
over a year ago
London | Belfast |
Thanks for taking it up ha. Well, I don't like to be on the backburner simply because it means, that they don't really like to spend time with you, also it means logistically speaking you're always on last minute when the others cancelled or something.
And this is something different than just having multiple fuckbuddies. |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"I’m not bothered about being a priority as my own time and availability is very limited : so for me it’s all about alignment of diaries.
But I don’t want to be messed around, who does?
If I’m second choice that’s fine but give me plenty of notice!
How about you, OP? "
Oh it's not about me! It's very much based on a thread someone started.
I don't think anyone wants to be messed around, I think it's finding those who are compatible with how you do things. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I want to be a priority in that moment. I want to make sure whoever I'm with feels they are too.
However I know that the reality of fab is that I'll likely only ever be one of countless options.
I'm not exclusive to anyone and nor are they to me.
I just have to hope they still want me after  |
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If I'm totally honest no one is a priority, our family is the priority and the rest fits around that.
We aren't daily chatters, we generally don't speak to more than one person at a time, because time is precious and we can't give our full attention we wouldn't engage in multiple chats/meets because we'd probably not be able to respond, it's hard holding a conversation online with little ones crawling over you so I don't, I only message/chat when they nap or I'm out the room.
I'd say our inbox contains more friends and only a couple of people on what's app that we've met and plan to meet.
Mrs |
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"Very much inspired by another thread (I know, scandalous behaviour).
When it comes down to meeting people; how important is it for you to feel like a priority? Are you comfortable on a backburner?
And for those who are talking to/planning on meeting several people; how do you manage to keep desire/interest burning with each person? Do you find that there's one person who catches your attention more?
What makes someone become a priority rather than an option for you?
I know, it's a lot of questions. You don't have to answer them all. You can post about who you'd like to fuck if you'd rather."
Its nice to feel wanted... For something... Why else would they be taking their time and meeting you? Its pretty shitty if they then go out of their way to pretend they don't want something and treat you accordingly... Fuck em its rude. |
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I'm not an exotic plant - I don't need constant attention. Life's busy. We've all got jobs, families, responsibilities. As long as I'm kept in the loop, all is well.
If we've got as far as making plans, I'm satisfied the desire is there. As long as the other person lets me know if anything changes, I'm happy. Nobody likes to be left hanging. |
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By *apnDomMan
over a year ago
London | Belfast |
"I want to be a priority in that moment. I want to make sure whoever I'm with feels they are too.
However I know that the reality of fab is that I'll likely only ever be one of countless options.
I'm not exclusive to anyone and nor are they to me.
I just have to hope they still want me after "
I think you underestimate the options a man has in dating. |
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By *apnDomMan
over a year ago
London | Belfast |
"None of my meets for adult entertainment is a priority. My family, my vanilla life come always first. "
I don't know why you would jump to that. Obviously it meant among the adult entertainment, not in your life in total. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"None of my meets for adult entertainment is a priority. My family, my vanilla life come always first.
I don't know why you would jump to that. Obviously it meant among the adult entertainment, not in your life in total."
I specify adults cause there's plenty of grumpy old kids around, avoid them.
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"If I am with someone, or arranging to meet someone, they are my first priority. Unfortunately I seldom get the impression from others that I am their first priority. I do kind of understand, hell I don't think that I would be my first priority. It does get me down though.
No. You need to be your own first priority and you deserve to be their priority. Stand up for yourself. You are worth it. "
In my experience a trans woman who insists on being someone's first priority is a very lonely trans woman. Which is okay for the first few years, but eventually you just kind of give up. |
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Aren't we all just options? In messaging, how would you know you are a priority or the other person was just very good at letting you think you were a priority?
As said above, never want to be messed around, but rarely assume I'm anyone's priority on here! (not in a pitying way - just realistic.) |
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"If I am with someone, or arranging to meet someone, they are my first priority. Unfortunately I seldom get the impression from others that I am their first priority. I do kind of understand, hell I don't think that I would be my first priority. It does get me down though.
No. You need to be your own first priority and you deserve to be their priority. Stand up for yourself. You are worth it.
In my experience a trans woman who insists on being someone's first priority is a very lonely trans woman. Which is okay for the first few years, but eventually you just kind of give up."
Oh sweetie that is sad |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Honestly (I've had wine and no food so it will be honest) I've being a priority, like I never thought I would, it was fucking awesome. Until it wasn't, then it was utterly heartbreaking.
Now, I'd insist on not being anyone's priority, I'm happy just being an option. Options are good. Short lived, but good.
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By *edeWoman
over a year ago
the abyss |
I would never expect to be someones priority given that everyone has lives. Especially on this site there is always 'someone else'.
That being said, I wouldn't want to feel like they have a long list of potential meets that they are more interested is seeing. I give time and effort to the people I am speaking to, if I'm wanting to meet you it's because I like you If I don't have the same back then I remove myself as an option
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Complex question, it depends on what is felt mutually and if that's discussed openly.
Where I become uncomfortable is if there are profound changes in the quality and quantity of contact. If it happens frequently, I back off. It messes with me noggin.
How it feels with the person is far more my focus than being a priority. The way I see it: if I don't put the time in - I have to own the consequences and that works both ways. Relationships need nurturing by both people. It's not rocket appliances. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Priority… not priority… we just wanna have fun.
Just don’t be too serious and we’ll get along fine.
Serious is not even in my vocabulary 
Let’s fuck."
Ok |
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By *mber81Woman
over a year ago
Lives in Preston, Eng |
I want to be a priority during the time we are spending together.
I don't want to be forever 2nd or 3rd choice. But I am perfectly happy not to be a priority in someone's day to day life. |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"Depends on the initial expectations and situation.
If we are in deep and regular it's nice to know I'm not an understudy, 2nd option, bench warmer etc.
But if its extremely casual and early on then I'll be whatever number in the queue (just a phrase, I don't mean it with malice people!). I don't need to be priority
With me, I'm not much of a list of people I can go to. I'm definitely more of a poly without being poly. Small number of people I like and enjoy that I'd schedule around more than numbers on a list
Did I pass? "
Ha, Kai, there's nothing to pass!
Whatever number in the queue is fine to say, I get what you mean about the difference between something casual and something a bit erm... more.
I'll give you a B+. |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"Good afternoon Meli, I trust you are well?
In the rare occasions I’ve met someone, they are not the number one priority, at least not over work and family, but I make sure to make them a priority nonetheless. On the other hand, I haven’t been so lucky to be treated that way…hopefully someday "
I'm really happy SweetCherries, thank you for asking! Hope you are as well.
I don't think anyone/would hope they wouldn't prioritising meeting over personal life (work, family etc). I hope you do find someone who'll treat you that way, x |
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I’m certainly nothing special…. But I will not be a bench warmer or a just incase.
I aim to treat others how I like to be treated so if I have planned to meet someone then I don’t hedge bets and see if a ‘better’ option appears, I meet the person planned.
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"Very much inspired by another thread (I know, scandalous behaviour).
When it comes down to meeting people; how important is it for you to feel like a priority? Are you comfortable on a backburner?
And for those who are talking to/planning on meeting several people; how do you manage to keep desire/interest burning with each person? Do you find that there's one person who catches your attention more?
What makes someone become a priority rather than an option for you?
I know, it's a lot of questions. You don't have to answer them all. You can post about who you'd like to fuck if you'd rather."
I come with free cake and other snacks - would that work  |
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By *apnDomMan
over a year ago
London | Belfast |
I think there is a misconception here about what priority means. Priority doesn't mean you're the only one, priority means you're first pick among the options for someone. Not being a priority means, you're only up if nothing else is up. |
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By *weetCruellaWoman
over a year ago
somewhere sweet and sour |
Not a priority no, but if we chatting and arranging to meet up then please don't ghost me then come back a week later. Worth more than that and we should all know our worth. Taken me ages to get accept what will be will be. But I'm there now after being ghosted sooooo many times.
Always go on the motto, let them do what they wanna do, shows what they would rather be doing  |
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"Not a priority no, but if we chatting and arranging to meet up then please don't ghost me then come back a week later. Worth more than that and we should all know our worth. Taken me ages to get accept what will be will be. But I'm there now after being ghosted sooooo many times.
Always go on the motto, let them do what they wanna do, shows what they would rather be doing "
Even that's really not an issue for me. I'll often pop into Fab and be surprised to find a full week has passed since I last checked in. Life is maddeningly hectic and I've a million and one responsibilities. I don't come here for yet more time-sensitive admin and I assume nobody else does either. I'm not sure if that makes me tremendously laid back or just disorganised and irresponsible. YMMV, I guess. |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
I don't need to be anyone’s priority I’d find that a bit suffocating but I want to have something with them that’s different , special, significant and unique to us.
Different women flick very different switches so if they are in it life they are all important to me. |
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That is a lot of questions.
I do sometimes feel like I'm on the back burner. I'm not sure to be annoyed or be just meh, whatever, 'don't hate the playa hate the game', about it. Though I do think it makes me kind of now put them on the back burner.
Those who I feel there's a more mutual interest are given priority. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't expect to be the only one haha, I talk to people and plan meets with who I want. I wouldn't expect anyone to do it differently. I wouldn't want to be messed around though, if we have agreed to meet then we are I wouldn't change a day because someone else came along. |
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This is very tricky because everyone is a potential backup, if we arrange to meet someone we will always try to fulfill that meet but if something happens like a childminder cancels or car gets a flat tyre, then we are flexible enough to see other people we fancy. It's not a Diss on the second person, rather respecting the people you arranged to meet first. In an ideal world if you have 3 couples all interested then just have all 6 of you in the same room and nobody feels let down. |
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By *apidaryMan
over a year ago
Chipping Norton |
An option is fine. But I'd like to feel I was a good option; the special on the menu with added truffles, as it were. The priority option.
In all seriousness, at the moment of interaction, be it in a bar or in bed, there's no point unless it's the person next to you that you're concentrating on. |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"Complex question, it depends on what is felt mutually and if that's discussed openly.
Where I become uncomfortable is if there are profound changes in the quality and quantity of contact. If it happens frequently, I back off. It messes with me noggin.
How it feels with the person is far more my focus than being a priority. The way I see it: if I don't put the time in - I have to own the consequences and that works both ways. Relationships need nurturing by both people. It's not rocket appliances."
It's not Hans, it's not at all. I'm replying in part because the whole it's not rocket appliances has tickled me.
I also think that it really is that simple, and this is coming from someone who can overcomplicate buttering toast. In any kind of relationship, you both need to make that effort. It doesn't have to be daily, heck, it doesn't need to be weekly. If that effort isn't there, if it's only being nurtured by one side, it will soon die.
Appliances really has tickled me - might use that elsewhere. |
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By *TG3Man
over a year ago
Dorchester |
"Very much inspired by another thread (I know, scandalous behaviour).
When it comes down to meeting people; how important is it for you to feel like a priority? Are you comfortable on a backburner?
And for those who are talking to/planning on meeting several people; how do you manage to keep desire/interest burning with each person? Do you find that there's one person who catches your attention more?
What makes someone become a priority rather than an option for you?
I know, it's a lot of questions. You don't have to answer them all. You can post about who you'd like to fuck if you'd rather."
I have only fealt on a backburner once when i met a couple who were fuck buddies but she wanted to have DP before he turned up she was attentive to me but after i was kind of a necessary spare part  |
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By *hilloutMan
over a year ago
All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest |
At one time I was meeting multiple people and continuously chatting to them. It was time intensive, and looking back on it now, quite exhausting. I did enjoy it though, keeping things exciting throughout. At one stage it was over 10 people I was constantly engaged with, both for repeat meets or potential new ones
What I didn't want was for anyone to feel they were a second option or not special in their own unique way. I think I mostly succeeded at this.
It was certainly thrilling while it lasted |
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