FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > What's with women saying they want to meet you but never find time?
What's with women saying they want to meet you but never find time?
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"Life is busy! X" No ones life is THAT busy. | |||
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"Life is busy! X No ones life is THAT busy." Honestly, some weeks really are that busy | |||
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"Life is busy! X No ones life is THAT busy." That's actually not true. And a half hour coffee for most people isn't just half an hour. | |||
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"Life is busy! X No ones life is THAT busy." I beg to differ! Meets are low priority! For me anyways! All the other stuff work children grandchildren great grandchildren my dog even my hobbies come b 4 any meets x | |||
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"Life is busy! X No ones life is THAT busy." I'm kinda with you on that. If someone really wants to meet someone else, they'll find time. If someone is always so busy, I'd think them a bit flaky | |||
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"Life is busy! X No ones life is THAT busy." Some lives are if they have family and a demanding job. Some of my free days I need to rest, and the nearer place I'd feel ok having a coffee with a stranger is a 20 minute bus ride away. I'd need a couple of hours at least, to meet for a coffee. No point just to say hi, slurp your drink then go. | |||
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"Life is busy! X No ones life is THAT busy. I'm kinda with you on that. If someone really wants to meet someone else, they'll find time. If someone is always so busy, I'd think them a bit flaky " And if their life is THAT busy then clear communication about when it might be less busy is also ok. | |||
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"A better offer comes along." There you go op, take the hint! He wants you instead. | |||
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"Breadcrumbing? Wanting to chat but no intention of meeting? Time waster? Any of those things. If someone doesn’t prioritise making *any* time for you then run a mile. It’s not going to get better. " Yeah perhaps this pretty much. Sometimes life really is that busy. If they still sincerely say they are interested, bear with them and be patient. We’ve been rewarded for giving someone the benefit of the doubt. On the other hand your gut tells you they are stringing you along, walk away. No real loss. Leave an open door and ask them to touch base when they can make the time. | |||
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"There is also a lot of truth in if someone really wants to meet they'll make an effort and set a date."  | |||
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"Sometimes it takes about 7 years.. .. but you know, “all good things..”" Jeez. Who would wait that long?  | |||
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"Yeah I get what you mean mate,had a similar situation where I was meant to meet a woman last week after messaging back and forth for a few weeks. Not only did she not show up but ignored my my phone calls and texts for no reason so I reported her on the site for that." Does that even do anything? I have reported no shows, but I think that just goes into nirvana 
Also it's funny how only women so far defend the whole "but but but my life really IS that busy!!". Why do you pretend that way? Everyone has things to do with their time, even if it's just sitting on the couch, browsing fabs, but that doesn't mean you're "busy".
If you'd rather sit on the couch and browse fabs instead of meeting someone, then you're not too busy, just uninterested.
I always find time for friends and dates! Used to work construction 10 hours every day, long commute AND I did Gym for 1-2 hours almost everyday, too. And yet, I still had a social life.
If you want to meet a man, you will always find that you have 16 waking hours in a day, and you can do the dishes tomorrow instead, or walk the dog a little earlier, find a nanny, rearrange the afternoon tea with your friend or or or or.
If you don't, no one is mad. Just don't pretend like those things are all set in stone and you couldn't shift them around to make time even if your life depended on it.
Look, this is exactly what annoys me. Instead of just admitting you don't want to, you just justify and rationalise the white lie of "I don't have time atm".
Everyone has free time in their days, and with those, they can do the things they want to do. Even if not today, then tomorrow. Or next week.
No one is fully booked out, 16 hours everyday for the entirety of foreseeable time. Not even japanese business men. Even they find time to go drinking on the weekends after their 80 hour work weeks. | |||
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"Yeah I get what you mean mate,had a similar situation where I was meant to meet a woman last week after messaging back and forth for a few weeks. Not only did she not show up but ignored my my phone calls and texts for no reason so I reported her on the site for that." Report her for what??  x | |||
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"A better offer comes along. There you go op, take the hint! He wants you instead. "  | |||
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"Life is busy! X No ones life is THAT busy. I'm kinda with you on that. If someone really wants to meet someone else, they'll find time. If someone is always so busy, I'd think them a bit flaky And if their life is THAT busy then clear communication about when it might be less busy is also ok. " Exactly. If you're busy, why tell me all the times when you CAN'T instead of being productive and tell me when you DO can? That's just excuses. It's not even a difficult concept to understand, I think. | |||
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"Yeah I get what you mean mate,had a similar situation where I was meant to meet a woman last week after messaging back and forth for a few weeks. Not only did she not show up but ignored my my phone calls and texts for no reason so I reported her on the site for that. Report her for what?? x"Fly tipping | |||
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"Why not just say no? Why message back and forth, back and forth, pretending like you're totally booked out for the at least next 2-3 weeks? Not even half an hour for a coffee or anything. Look, I don't even take it personally if you don't want to, but what I just don't understand is this game of pretending that you want, but never making out a date (or if you do, you constantly give rainchecks at last minute). I have this lady, she lives in my inbox since 4 months. Always busy apparently but "she definitely wants to meet me", or so she keeps reassuring me. Of course this is never going to happen and I lost all hope and interest, but I just play along to see how long she can keep it up. Why do you do that?" So I genuinely am really busy with little time over the next couple of months. Mainly because I have over committed myself. I hope I am clear about it with people but actually I will make sure I do better. Of course part of my issue is that many of the people I am speaking live in other areas not close to me. I also need down time. Ask her straight out and give her some options for days and times. Walk away if you don't get a satisfactory answer. | |||
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"Yeah I get what you mean mate,had a similar situation where I was meant to meet a woman last week after messaging back and forth for a few weeks. Not only did she not show up but ignored my my phone calls and texts for no reason so I reported her on the site for that. Report her for what?? x"because she didnt show up without explanation and you can report people on here if they dont show up to a meeting | |||
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"Yeah I get what you mean mate,had a similar situation where I was meant to meet a woman last week after messaging back and forth for a few weeks. Not only did she not show up but ignored my my phone calls and texts for no reason so I reported her on the site for that. Report her for what?? x
Fly tipping " x | |||
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"Why not just say no? Why message back and forth, back and forth, pretending like you're totally booked out for the at least next 2-3 weeks? Not even half an hour for a coffee or anything. Look, I don't even take it personally if you don't want to, but what I just don't understand is this game of pretending that you want, but never making out a date (or if you do, you constantly give rainchecks at last minute). I have this lady, she lives in my inbox since 4 months. Always busy apparently but "she definitely wants to meet me", or so she keeps reassuring me. Of course this is never going to happen and I lost all hope and interest, but I just play along to see how long she can keep it up. Why do you do that?" Why do you play along? All you're doing is enabling. Why not just forget it, block and concentrate on someone who will meet? | |||
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"A better offer comes along. There you go op, take the hint! He wants you instead. " Alright. Don't yell about it. Secret teller!!!! | |||
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"Why not just say no? Why message back and forth, back and forth, pretending like you're totally booked out for the at least next 2-3 weeks? Not even half an hour for a coffee or anything. Look, I don't even take it personally if you don't want to, but what I just don't understand is this game of pretending that you want, but never making out a date (or if you do, you constantly give rainchecks at last minute). I have this lady, she lives in my inbox since 4 months. Always busy apparently but "she definitely wants to meet me", or so she keeps reassuring me. Of course this is never going to happen and I lost all hope and interest, but I just play along to see how long she can keep it up. Why do you do that? So I genuinely am really busy with little time over the next couple of months. Mainly because I have over committed myself. I hope I am clear about it with people but actually I will make sure I do better. Of course part of my issue is that many of the people I am speaking live in other areas not close to me. I also need down time. Ask her straight out and give her some options for days and times. Walk away if you don't get a satisfactory answer. " Being busy is not even the real issue. It's just the whole shtick of never mentioning when they do hve time, but rather focussing on when they don't have time the whole time, and yet reassuring tht they do want to meet still. Just not in the forseeable future. If you tell me "Dom, I'd like to meet you, too, but for the next 2 weeks I am completely booked out with work and I need some downtime on the weekends. Let's meet after the project is finished, in 3 weeks time" then that wouldn't annoy me one bit. | |||
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"Men do the same. I just met a man after talking to him for 3 years. We just couldn't coordinate our diaries." I bet I could coordinate other things with you  | |||
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"Honestly OP, why don’t you just cut all the communication when it’s obvious that person doesn’t want to meet you? 4 months is a long time. Tell them how you feel about it but please don’t play along. Put your energy and effort elsewhere. " I'm playing hard to get. Jeez. Give a guy a break! | |||
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"Breadcrumbing? Wanting to chat but no intention of meeting? Time waster? Any of those things. If someone doesn’t prioritise making *any* time for you then run a mile. It’s not going to get better. This!! Yeah perhaps this pretty much. Sometimes life really is that busy. If they still sincerely say they are interested, bear with them and be patient. We’ve been rewarded for giving someone the benefit of the doubt. On the other hand your gut tells you they are stringing you along, walk away. No real loss. Leave an open door and ask them to touch base when they can make the time." | |||
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"Yeah I get what you mean mate,had a similar situation where I was meant to meet a woman last week after messaging back and forth for a few weeks. Not only did she not show up but ignored my my phone calls and texts for no reason so I reported her on the site for that. Report her for what?? x because she didnt show up without explanation and you can report people on here if they dont show up to a meeting"Most of us have had that happen or cancelled last minute! I'd not b reporting it to anyone!  just move on and put it down to experiance! All part and part of fabs! X | |||
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"Honestly OP, why don’t you just cut all the communication when it’s obvious that person doesn’t want to meet you? 4 months is a long time. Tell them how you feel about it but please don’t play along. Put your energy and effort elsewhere. I'm playing hard to get. Jeez. Give a guy a break! "All I really care about is how hard? | |||
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"Honestly OP, why don’t you just cut all the communication when it’s obvious that person doesn’t want to meet you? 4 months is a long time. Tell them how you feel about it but please don’t play along. Put your energy and effort elsewhere. I'm playing hard to get. Jeez. Give a guy a break!
All I really care about is how hard? "Hard like steel | |||
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"Honestly OP, why don’t you just cut all the communication when it’s obvious that person doesn’t want to meet you? 4 months is a long time. Tell them how you feel about it but please don’t play along. Put your energy and effort elsewhere. " And ruin my own, private running joke? No, ma'am, I shall not. She is just one example, it happened more often than that. Not all the time, but often. The issue is, that you just can't tell those women how you feel about being stringed along. They get all huff and puff and take the high road out. | |||
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"Sometimes it takes about 7 years.. .. but you know, “all good things..”" Haha that's so funny | |||
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"Life is busy! X No ones life is THAT busy." Yes, some really are that busy. Work, children, family commitments, after school activities, own commitment based hobbies such as sports, gym etc. We struggle to fit in time for friends and family. There are also some that use being busy as an excuse, of course. | |||
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"Honestly OP, why don’t you just cut all the communication when it’s obvious that person doesn’t want to meet you? 4 months is a long time. Tell them how you feel about it but please don’t play along. Put your energy and effort elsewhere. And ruin my own, private running joke? No, ma'am, I shall not. She is just one example, it happened more often than that. Not all the time, but often. The issue is, that you just can't tell those women how you feel about being stringed along. They get all huff and puff and take the high road out." I know what you mean. If you feel like you can’t tell them how you feel about being stringed along it only means one thing - you are not for them, their loss, dodged the bullet, call it as you like. Put your effort in finding someone you are compatible with, including the communication bit, that’s what I would do. And all I’m saying is it takes time sometimes for dates to align. | |||
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"Honestly OP, why don’t you just cut all the communication when it’s obvious that person doesn’t want to meet you? 4 months is a long time. Tell them how you feel about it but please don’t play along. Put your energy and effort elsewhere. I'm playing hard to get. Jeez. Give a guy a break!
All I really care about is how hard?
Hard like steel"How busy are you in September 2024? | |||
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"Honestly OP, why don’t you just cut all the communication when it’s obvious that person doesn’t want to meet you? 4 months is a long time. Tell them how you feel about it but please don’t play along. Put your energy and effort elsewhere. I'm playing hard to get. Jeez. Give a guy a break!
All I really care about is how hard?
Hard like steel
How busy are you in September 2024? "13 months time.... hmmmm let me just look into my crystal ball. Oh yeah sorry that's full. | |||
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"Honestly OP, why don’t you just cut all the communication when it’s obvious that person doesn’t want to meet you? 4 months is a long time. Tell them how you feel about it but please don’t play along. Put your energy and effort elsewhere. And ruin my own, private running joke? No, ma'am, I shall not. She is just one example, it happened more often than that. Not all the time, but often. The issue is, that you just can't tell those women how you feel about being stringed along. They get all huff and puff and take the high road out. I know what you mean. If you feel like you can’t tell them how you feel about being stringed along it only means one thing - you are not for them, their loss, dodged the bullet, call it as you like. Put your effort in finding someone you are compatible with, including the communication bit, that’s what I would do. And all I’m saying is it takes time sometimes for dates to align. " I just wish it wouldn't be so common practice. I swear, this comes from the fact that this is always defended in public. If people were only less accepting with this excuse, I think the amount of women (and men which was mentioned before, but no idea as I don't date men) who would do this still, would be very much lower. | |||
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"Life is busy! X No ones life is THAT busy. That's actually not true. And a half hour coffee for most people isn't just half an hour. " Exactly. Especially when you have to drive for an hour and a half to meet them halfway...... 
Some people forget the geography aspect, the literal hours it takes to look vaguely presentable and the little things in life like work, family commitments and the incredible amount of time invested in important things in life, such as dicking around in the forums.
A half hour coffee is never just a half hour coffee, even if you want it to be or think it is.
A | |||
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"Honestly OP, why don’t you just cut all the communication when it’s obvious that person doesn’t want to meet you? 4 months is a long time. Tell them how you feel about it but please don’t play along. Put your energy and effort elsewhere. I'm playing hard to get. Jeez. Give a guy a break!
All I really care about is how hard?
Hard like steel
How busy are you in September 2024?
13 months time.... hmmmm let me just look into my crystal ball. Oh yeah sorry that's full. "
It’s a shame. | |||
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"Yeah I get what you mean mate,had a similar situation where I was meant to meet a woman last week after messaging back and forth for a few weeks. Not only did she not show up but ignored my my phone calls and texts for no reason so I reported her on the site for that. Report her for what?? x because she didnt show up without explanation and you can report people on here if they dont show up to a meeting
Most of us have had that happen or cancelled last minute! I'd not b reporting it to anyone! just move on and put it down to experiance! All part and part of fabs! X"That would be fine if she told me this but said nothing and ignored my phone calls and texts but she comes on here on her status and says "I'm not here to talk but here for a good time for a long time" now I'm prepared to move on but make no apologies for reporting her | |||
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"Breadcrumbing? Wanting to chat but no intention of meeting? Time waster? Any of those things. If someone doesn’t prioritise making *any* time for you then run a mile. It’s not going to get better. " Not necessarily true pickle. It’s taken me 10 months to be able to meet some people on here. Distance, schedules etc. And it’s been worth it every time. The drop everything and meet for a local coffee - not so successful. At least if you’re communicating you’re building up something. Could just be me | |||
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"Breadcrumbing? Wanting to chat but no intention of meeting? Time waster? Any of those things. If someone doesn’t prioritise making *any* time for you then run a mile. It’s not going to get better. Not necessarily true pickle. It’s taken me 10 months to be able to meet some people on here. Distance, schedules etc. And it’s been worth it every time. The drop everything and meet for a local coffee - not so successful. At least if you’re communicating you’re building up something. Could just be me " Nice arse | |||
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"Why not just say no? Why message back and forth, back and forth, pretending like you're totally booked out for the at least next 2-3 weeks? Not even half an hour for a coffee or anything. Look, I don't even take it personally if you don't want to, but what I just don't understand is this game of pretending that you want, but never making out a date (or if you do, you constantly give rainchecks at last minute). I have this lady, she lives in my inbox since 4 months. Always busy apparently but "she definitely wants to meet me", or so she keeps reassuring me. Of course this is never going to happen and I lost all hope and interest, but I just play along to see how long she can keep it up. Why do you do that?" OP, you are just a backup (or a backup of a backup), just move on. No one is that busy for 4 months (saying as full time employed divorced dad with kids living half time with me). She isn’t interested. Route your energy on to who are interested | |||
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"Breadcrumbing? Wanting to chat but no intention of meeting? Time waster? Any of those things. If someone doesn’t prioritise making *any* time for you then run a mile. It’s not going to get better. This!! Yeah perhaps this pretty much. Sometimes life really is that busy. If they still sincerely say they are interested, bear with them and be patient. We’ve been rewarded for giving someone the benefit of the doubt. On the other hand your gut tells you they are stringing you along, walk away. No real loss. Leave an open door and ask them to touch base when they can make the time." This meant to say "this!!!" | |||
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"Just find the whole situation mind-blowing if im honest. If you ignore messages and block someone your rude. If you tell them your not interested you sometimes get abuse. If you try and be friendly and chat your breadcrumbing. What do people actually want? People are busy with life it might be the be all and end all for some but not for us." Did you read the OP? | |||
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"Just find the whole situation mind-blowing if im honest. If you ignore messages and block someone your rude. If you tell them your not interested you sometimes get abuse. If you try and be friendly and chat your breadcrumbing. What do people actually want? People are busy with life it might be the be all and end all for some but not for us." I want pictures of boobs | |||
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"Breadcrumbing? Wanting to chat but no intention of meeting? Time waster? Any of those things. If someone doesn’t prioritise making *any* time for you then run a mile. It’s not going to get better. Not necessarily true pickle. It’s taken me 10 months to be able to meet some people on here. Distance, schedules etc. And it’s been worth it every time. The drop everything and meet for a local coffee - not so successful. At least if you’re communicating you’re building up something. Could just be me " I think communication is key though. If I’m romantically/ sexually interested I’d not wait that long. Friends sure. But I think it also depends on clearer communication than ‘life is busy’ etc. I’d probably want a clearer, ‘love is busy/ overwhelming rn but I would really like to meet when this period is over. How about a time in [insert month or week]?’ And that gives me the choice to say- actually that’s a bit far away for me and I’d probably prefer not to wait that long. Or to decide, yes you’re worth it. This option *sounds like*, and I’m assuming I appreciate, It’s every time he asks that she says she can’t but really does want to meet. Poor communication means I’d not play those games but I totally hear what you and others are saying. | |||
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"Just find the whole situation mind-blowing if im honest. If you ignore messages and block someone your rude. If you tell them your not interested you sometimes get abuse. If you try and be friendly and chat your breadcrumbing. What do people actually want? People are busy with life it might be the be all and end all for some but not for us." Abuse from a few people doesn't mean you are doing the wrong thing. Just block people when they get abusive, simple as that, and keep telling people you're not interested. That's the best option. | |||
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"Why not just say no? Why message back and forth, back and forth, pretending like you're totally booked out for the at least next 2-3 weeks? Not even half an hour for a coffee or anything. Look, I don't even take it personally if you don't want to, but what I just don't understand is this game of pretending that you want, but never making out a date (or if you do, you constantly give rainchecks at last minute). I have this lady, she lives in my inbox since 4 months. Always busy apparently but "she definitely wants to meet me", or so she keeps reassuring me. Of course this is never going to happen and I lost all hope and interest, but I just play along to see how long she can keep it up. Why do you do that?" its a guy | |||
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"Be straight forward. Ask when they are available, how hard can it be?" I do? | |||
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"Why not just say no? Why message back and forth, back and forth, pretending like you're totally booked out for the at least next 2-3 weeks? Not even half an hour for a coffee or anything. Look, I don't even take it personally if you don't want to, but what I just don't understand is this game of pretending that you want, but never making out a date (or if you do, you constantly give rainchecks at last minute). I have this lady, she lives in my inbox since 4 months. Always busy apparently but "she definitely wants to meet me", or so she keeps reassuring me. Of course this is never going to happen and I lost all hope and interest, but I just play along to see how long she can keep it up. Why do you do that?" Unfortunately Lad it's not only a female thing, the men and the couples do it too. I just don't read too much into it...and especially leave them on "unread" until I feel like it. | |||
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"Breadcrumbing? Wanting to chat but no intention of meeting? Time waster? Any of those things. If someone doesn’t prioritise making *any* time for you then run a mile. It’s not going to get better. Not necessarily true pickle. It’s taken me 10 months to be able to meet some people on here. Distance, schedules etc. And it’s been worth it every time. The drop everything and meet for a local coffee - not so successful. At least if you’re communicating you’re building up something. Could just be me I think communication is key though. If I’m romantically/ sexually interested I’d not wait that long. Friends sure. But I think it also depends on clearer communication than ‘life is busy’ etc. I’d probably want a clearer, ‘love is busy/ overwhelming rn but I would really like to meet when this period is over. How about a time in [insert month or week]?’ And that gives me the choice to say- actually that’s a bit far away for me and I’d probably prefer not to wait that long. Or to decide, yes you’re worth it. This option *sounds like*, and I’m assuming I appreciate, It’s every time he asks that she says she can’t but really does want to meet. Poor communication means I’d not play those games but I totally hear what you and others are saying. " This!!! | |||
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"Breadcrumbing? Wanting to chat but no intention of meeting? Time waster? Any of those things. If someone doesn’t prioritise making *any* time for you then run a mile. It’s not going to get better. " Facts on Facts. Young Sir. | |||
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"Life is busy! X No ones life is THAT busy." They have poor time keeping and prioritization and they don't respect your time. | |||
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"It's a man" Lol! But Highly Likely on Fab. | |||
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"Life is busy! X No ones life is THAT busy. That's actually not true. And a half hour coffee for most people isn't just half an hour. " It is for me. I'm a minor drinker. Also I would advise OP just to not spend anymore energy on someone who had no energy for him. Especially after 4 months of back and forth. I'd rather go to a club or social far more productive and satisfying for me than internet ping pong. but that is me. | |||
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"They are just rubbing one out while they fantasise about meeting. Or its a guy also fantasising .." Yup vast majority are here for their fantasy and are not that active in real life. I suppose nothing wrong with that but it's important to recognize that your needs/wants/goals/priorities are incompatible. | |||
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"Men do the same. I just met a man after talking to him for 3 years. We just couldn't coordinate our diaries. I bet I could coordinate other things with you " | |||
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"Why not just say no? Why message back and forth, back and forth, pretending like you're totally booked out for the at least next 2-3 weeks? Not even half an hour for a coffee or anything. Look, I don't even take it personally if you don't want to, but what I just don't understand is this game of pretending that you want, but never making out a date (or if you do, you constantly give rainchecks at last minute). I have this lady, she lives in my inbox since 4 months. Always busy apparently but "she definitely wants to meet me", or so she keeps reassuring me. Of course this is never going to happen and I lost all hope and interest, but I just play along to see how long she can keep it up. Why do you do that?" Bet she's not in your inbox now! | |||
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"Why not just say no? Why message back and forth, back and forth, pretending like you're totally booked out for the at least next 2-3 weeks? Not even half an hour for a coffee or anything. Look, I don't even take it personally if you don't want to, but what I just don't understand is this game of pretending that you want, but never making out a date (or if you do, you constantly give rainchecks at last minute). I have this lady, she lives in my inbox since 4 months. Always busy apparently but "she definitely wants to meet me", or so she keeps reassuring me. Of course this is never going to happen and I lost all hope and interest, but I just play along to see how long she can keep it up. Why do you do that?" I'm guilty of this .... I don't have much free time and plan months ahead. Its not just 30mins for a social. I have people I've still not met but then I do say come to a club when I'm there x | |||
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"They are just rubbing one out while they fantasise about meeting. Or its a guy also fantasising .." You play a mean banjo ?? | |||
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"Yeah I get what you mean mate,had a similar situation where I was meant to meet a woman last week after messaging back and forth for a few weeks. Not only did she not show up but ignored my my phone calls and texts for no reason so I reported her on the site for that. Report her for what?? x because she didnt show up without explanation and you can report people on here if they dont show up to a meeting"In that case I'd be reporting lots of guys lol | |||
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"Life is busy! X No ones life is THAT busy. I beg to differ! Meets are low priority! For me anyways! All the other stuff work children grandchildren great grandchildren my dog even my hobbies come b 4 any meets x" OP is 26 not 66. He has to adjust his expectations accordingly. I'm early 40s with no kids, grandkids or pets or other dependents. My parents are still fit and independent and live overseas so I spend very little of my time being with them. Most of my friends are stuck in between caring for young children and elderly parents and working 60 hours a week and maintain a large home. I work a fixed-hours part-time job that I don't have to take home. I don't own my home so I don't have a huge maintenance schedule. I also live alone so household chores and tasks are minimal. I can balance my play time to 3 times a week. My priority is play at least one time a week. Doesn't always happen but that's the average for me...in my lifestyle and at my age. I assess my playmates true availability by the type of job they do, how much home maintenance they have to do, if they have kids or parents that they have to care for and how many time-consuming hobbies they have. Short of that. I see regulars at the local clubs. If meets are a low priority, I just move on to someone else whose priorities align with mine. can only suggest that for the OP. | |||
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"Life is busy! X No ones life is THAT busy. Honestly, some weeks really are that busy " Agreed. If people don't like it that's ok. To make a thread whinging about it- bit odd. | |||
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"I have a busy life off fab as my life doesn’t revolve around meeting people off here, those I’m in contact with I plan on meeting and those on the forum I’m sure I’ll get to meet at UTB9 "I don't think looking to make straightforward plans means that someone's life revolves around meeting people off here | |||
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"Life is busy! X No ones life is THAT busy. I'm kinda with you on that. If someone really wants to meet someone else, they'll find time. If someone is always so busy, I'd think them a bit flaky " I try not to go with flaky but I recognize that about half of Fabbers don't actually have time to put into meeting on a regular basis....and they don't actually recognize that because they are so caught up in the fantasy and not the practicalities. I keep a stable  (rota?) of around 10 single men. Because of the type of personalities and age range that I'm attracted to...they all have jobs, children ( one grandchild in the mix), elderly parents, household tasks and a certain about of sporting hobbies and social hobbies.
Sometimes they can get a bit too ambitious about the time and energy they have but we do all look at our diaries to fit things in. In my opinion, 4 months is too long to go without a meet. That person would go to the bottom of my inbox, my priority list and taken off the "rota" and be filed in the section of my brain marked ( unimportant and non-urgent/delete)
My neurodivergent brain is brutal when it comes to interaction with people. If I don't see you...you don't exist in my brain. | |||
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"Yeah I get what you mean mate,had a similar situation where I was meant to meet a woman last week after messaging back and forth for a few weeks. Not only did she not show up but ignored my my phone calls and texts for no reason so I reported her on the site for that." Too much energy there bro. I don't have it..especially with the number of men on Fab. I'm neurodivergent with insomnia and fatigue. My time is super precious. I don't even waste energy reporting. Just block and move on. If someone new, they get two weeks to meet me in person or they get filed to the section of my brain marked ( non-urgent and not important/delete) it's always entertaining when they message back and ask if I remember them. No sir I don't remember because my brain and fab delete messages, contact and communication after 12 weeks. My brain a little faster....at least 4 times a week I can't find my phone or my keys. Lol! Either put the effort in to stay in the forefront of my mind or....deleted. It's not intentional...it's unfortunately how my brain works and I can't change it. | |||
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"Yeah I get what you mean mate,had a similar situation where I was meant to meet a woman last week after messaging back and forth for a few weeks. Not only did she not show up but ignored my my phone calls and texts for no reason so I reported her on the site for that. Report her for what?? x
Fly tipping
x"Not those sort of flys.... you could tip mine anytime  | |||
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"Life is busy! X No ones life is THAT busy. Some lives are if they have family and a demanding job. Some of my free days I need to rest, and the nearer place I'd feel ok having a coffee with a stranger is a 20 minute bus ride away. I'd need a couple of hours at least, to meet for a coffee. No point just to say hi, slurp your drink then go. " I don't mind a quick meet especially if it's on my local high street and I have the free time... I have a lot of free time...or rather flexible time. I'm free 5 evenings a week. I hear you on the rest though. I have to balance my insomnia, general fatigue and at least 10k steps. If I've done 10k steps and had poor sleep there is no way I'm travelling an hour away for a meet. I have had meets(from previous playmates not initial ones) who come and pick me up and drop me back home so that saves some of my energy. Unfortunately too long in an Uber makes me throw up. I work around my energy levels with my current playmates as I work around their hobbies, holidays, kids, grandkid, elderly parent care, home maintenance and work and any primary committed life partners. It's a balancing act and depends on how much you value the person to fit them in or whether you are honest with yourself that you are approaching burnout levels. To be clear no one should be doing mental or physical burnout for fab meets. | |||
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"Life is busy! X No ones life is THAT busy. I'm kinda with you on that. If someone really wants to meet someone else, they'll find time. If someone is always so busy, I'd think them a bit flaky And if their life is THAT busy then clear communication about when it might be less busy is also ok. " A lot of people don't know that's the problem...and they are too scared to say they don't know because they don't want to lose that person's interest of be rejected. me I'm totally ok with rejection. Rejecting and being rejected...it's ok to say no or I don't know and let the person choose to stay or choose to walk away. Less pain, less fustration, less resentment...less posts like this. Lol! | |||
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"It's a guy. That said my availability is good but limited and with some people I really just can't get things to align at all. But not for 4 months. Though recently there was one guy where I'd seen him for a social. And then for about three months nothing happened and he was constantly busy, until the week I was actually not free and he was. He saw someone else instead. Then was busy again and again. He removed himself, saved me doing it. " Yes. See my above posts about the "deleted" section of my brain. If people make themselves obsolete in my brain I can't help that. | |||
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"If she likes you she'll find the time to make time to meet you, they always do. She is wasting your time playing games, block and move on." As with flaky, I try not to think that a person is "playing games". I go with they haven't worked out in their brain how to make this meet happen in real life and I can't control them only myself and my reaction. Then my brain deletes them for me..out of sight out of mind is SOP for my brain...that' why I can't find my phone. | |||
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"Life gets busy but four months I can only assume that communication can be better about expectations. Regardless of any of that, I would not be chatting for four months OP. cut it off and move on. " Often people don't communicate because things are not clear in their minds, they are not self-aware and they are unaware of( or unable to mentalise) what the other person is going through. I'm trying to learn where people are in their communication and mentalization and.....leave them there. Lol! | |||
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"People can be 100% honest that they struggle to find the time to get away. No strings action is going to be lower priority than most things in our lives, especially when we have family responsibilities etc. " The difference is how you communicate that. If you only tell me the dates when you can't meet, then that's annoying. If you tell me a date, when you can, but it's far away, then that's okay. Just don't pretend like you have no time at all. Even with kids, family and friends you can meet if you really wanted. | |||
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"I get what OP is saying but also get what women are saying too.. Sometimes people do get bust and it can be anything from work/family,friends etc but also maybe other meets that have pre-arranged and maybe talking to multiple people prior to you, so trying to work things around fitting in the people they do want to meet. And sometimes when someone says "too busy at the moment" you just get pressured into well "when are you not busy" and when try to explain then you get met with abuse (sometimes).. or "no not interested" then it's a whole "well why not?,you won't regret meeting me,you will definately fancy me" over someone else's meet.. gets a bit annoying sometimes. Hope you find a meet that can be available when you are OP even if just for a coffee. ""When are you not busy" is a legitimate question though. | |||
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In all seriousness kids, family, work, childcare and everything else, we have to plan meets well in advance I can't just leave the kids home and pop for a coffee with a stranger.
If you feel like your being strung along then block and move on.
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"A better offer comes along." I don't think that would help Op's sense of self. 
The lad is fine just the way he is. Nowt wrong with him as far as I can tell. She's the one acting weird for sure. Just say the truth that you can't meet for the foreseeable future.
I've had to do it. One of my playmates likes to meet in hotels and we split the bill. At the moment, my budget doesn't allow me to split the bills, so I said that. I have no qualms about him meeting with someone else with a bigger budget.
It's a rejection yes but it's more important to stay true to my needs, wants, desires and goals and give the other person the choice to stay or walk away.
Not necessarily about a better person by comparison. | |||
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"My time is super precious. I don't even waste energy reporting. Just block and move on. You don't waste your time reporting people who don't show up. It takes 10 seconds. I find it funny that women here think they're too good to report men. You don't do anyone a favour, ladies. " If your time is so precious why don't you block her and move on? I'm starting to see a pattern of snide comments about all women OP. | |||
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"It goes both ways. My profile specifies that I'll be busy until a certain time and I get non stop "you free babe" messages. Now that I am free I'm getting messages from the complete opposite of what I seek. They guys I was talking too have vanished. " You free babe? I'll crawl through this screen. Right now. | |||
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"Yeah I get what you mean mate,had a similar situation where I was meant to meet a woman last week after messaging back and forth for a few weeks. Not only did she not show up but ignored my my phone calls and texts for no reason so I reported her on the site for that. Report her for what?? x"Not clear if they had actually arranged a meet but there is that option under profile report section "Arranged a meet, didn't show up". I don't what action is taken by Admin but if somebody get reported for this a lot then guess there is an issue. | |||
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"A better offer comes along. There you go op, take the hint! He wants you instead. " Exhibit A of a Fab Forum joker. Lol! | |||
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"Breadcrumbing? Wanting to chat but no intention of meeting? Time waster? Any of those things. If someone doesn’t prioritise making *any* time for you then run a mile. It’s not going to get better. Not necessarily true pickle. It’s taken me 10 months to be able to meet some people on here. Distance, schedules etc. And it’s been worth it every time. The drop everything and meet for a local coffee - not so successful. At least if you’re communicating you’re building up something. Could just be me Nice arse "Is that you communicating with me | |||
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"Tell you don’t mind her beard and penis you’d like to meet. Job done. " Exhibit B of a Fab Forum joker. Lol! | |||
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"Breadcrumbing? Wanting to chat but no intention of meeting? Time waster? Any of those things. If someone doesn’t prioritise making *any* time for you then run a mile. It’s not going to get better. Yeah perhaps this pretty much. Sometimes life really is that busy. If they still sincerely say they are interested, bear with them and be patient. We’ve been rewarded for giving someone the benefit of the doubt. On the other hand your gut tells you they are stringing you along, walk away. No real loss. Leave an open door and ask them to touch base when they can make the time." I haven't got the energy or mental capacity for a 4-month benefit of the doubt, unfortunately. If OP has ok...but I just haven't. | |||
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" Why do you do that? I'm guilty of this .... I don't have much free time and plan months ahead. Its not just 30mins for a social. I have people I've still not met but then I do say come to a club when I'm there x " Between the pair of us working night shifts and whatnot, it's a wonder we see anyone, still need to grab you for a coffee and a cuddle x | |||
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"Sometimes it takes about 7 years.. .. but you know, “all good things..”" Exhibit C of a Fab Forum joker. Lol!
In my experience, all good things happen to those who make it happen. Suggested reading the "Power of Now" Not the Power of "4 months later"
I know for a fact that sex isn't going to fall into my lap ( not that it ever has), especially at my age. I actually have to schedule time in my diary for it and so do my playmates.
sorry to all those who only do spontaneous impulsive sex. Lol! My brain isn't wired for that. Vagina maybe but definitely not the brain. | |||
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"Sometimes it takes about 7 years.. .. but you know, “all good things..” Jeez. Who would wait that long? "Some men in sexless marriages. Lol! I'm trolling. | |||
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"Sometimes it takes about 7 years.. .. but you know, “all good things..” Jeez. Who would wait that long?
Some men in sexless marriages. Lol! I'm trolling."Or a corrupted monk | |||
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"Yeah I get what you mean mate,had a similar situation where I was meant to meet a woman last week after messaging back and forth for a few weeks. Not only did she not show up but ignored my my phone calls and texts for no reason so I reported her on the site for that. Does that even do anything? I have reported no shows, but I think that just goes into nirvana
Also it's funny how only women so far defend the whole "but but but my life really IS that busy!!". Why do you pretend that way? Everyone has things to do with their time, even if it's just sitting on the couch, browsing fabs, but that doesn't mean you're "busy".
If you'd rather sit on the couch and browse fabs instead of meeting someone, then you're not too busy, just uninterested.
I always find time for friends and dates! Used to work construction 10 hours every day, long commute AND I did Gym for 1-2 hours almost everyday, too. And yet, I still had a social life.
If you want to meet a man, you will always find that you have 16 waking hours in a day, and you can do the dishes tomorrow instead, or walk the dog a little earlier, find a nanny, rearrange the afternoon tea with your friend or or or or.
If you don't, no one is mad. Just don't pretend like those things are all set in stone and you couldn't shift them around to make time even if your life depended on it.
Look, this is exactly what annoys me. Instead of just admitting you don't want to, you just justify and rationalise the white lie of "I don't have time atm".
Everyone has free time in their days, and with those, they can do the things they want to do. Even if not today, then tomorrow. Or next week.
No one is fully booked out, 16 hours everyday for the entirety of foreseeable time. Not even japanese business men. Even they find time to go drinking on the weekends after their 80 hour work weeks."Oh darling...the limited life experience you have...some of us ( women) are more susceptible to fatigue than others. Some of us (people not in their 20s) need a longer recovery time than others. Some of us do not hire a nanny because it doesn't align with their family values and/or their budget. I'm dead serious when I say people can't shift their time with their kids and grandkids and their elder care or work. Granted you may not have these responsibilities currently but some women your age do. Be mindful of that. I can tell you that every hour I'm awake is filled to the brim every day of the week and as I've gotten older with my mental and physical capacity everything takes longer. I was faster when I was younger but I had friends who struggled in their twenties. After 8 hours, my brain stops working if I don't rest/nap. It's always been this way since I was a teenager. it was embarrassing before but now I acknowledge it because me pushing through that fatigue can lead to a dangerous accident. I actually show my playmates my diary so that they can understand how my days are filled up. Have you actually asked her what she does? If she's vague then she's not the one for you. I tell my playmates my schedule for the day and how long it takes me to do things like travel and wash my hair. Takes me longer in the bathroom as a woman because I have to change my pad. tampon or my liner and remove some of my clothing. men just stick their willy out. Not sure how many women you have actually lived with as housemates, uni-mates and live in partners? it's not the quick and easy and it gets harder as you get older. Some people have it hard from young. You are young, fit and health with lots of stamina and free time..not everyone male or female is like you. | |||
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Ya'll better turn up. As I'm short on time
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"Life is busy! X No ones life is THAT busy. I'm kinda with you on that. If someone really wants to meet someone else, they'll find time. If someone is always so busy, I'd think them a bit flaky And if their life is THAT busy then clear communication about when it might be less busy is also ok. Exactly. If you're busy, why tell me all the times when you CAN'T instead of being productive and tell me when you DO can? That's just excuses. It's not even a difficult concept to understand, I think." It is for some people difficult to understand.Lol!. I've lost count of the times, I've failed to get a time, date and place out of some men. Now I ask once and then go to the club. lol! | |||
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"I get what OP is saying but also get what women are saying too.. Sometimes people do get bust and it can be anything from work/family,friends etc but also maybe other meets that have pre-arranged and maybe talking to multiple people prior to you, so trying to work things around fitting in the people they do want to meet. And sometimes when someone says "too busy at the moment" you just get pressured into well "when are you not busy" and when try to explain then you get met with abuse (sometimes).. or "no not interested" then it's a whole "well why not?,you won't regret meeting me,you will definately fancy me" over someone else's meet.. gets a bit annoying sometimes. Hope you find a meet that can be available when you are OP even if just for a coffee.
"When are you not busy" is a legitimate question though."Yeah I know it is... but then sometimes when you say a day when you "not busy" then some (not all) think your just taking the piss and stringing them along.. for instance if I said "I'm busy until September 14th" then the messages back are usually " well how are you that busy? Doing what? Get a babysitter, (they cost money) don't meet that person meet me,I'm better than them" So can be as nice as possible but can only say so many times.. And yes I get that some women/men do take the piss but not all do. | |||
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"Blow her off mate, anyone who is like that isn't worth you're time of effort. I mean that for any gender or sex on here. Had two women recently just ghost me, before a social one was when I'd arrived and waiting for her. Very little manners or honesty on here. Some of it I can get but just be a grown up ain't it. " Grown up? Manners? Unknown for my inner toddler. | |||
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"Yeah I get what you mean mate,had a similar situation where I was meant to meet a woman last week after messaging back and forth for a few weeks. Not only did she not show up but ignored my my phone calls and texts for no reason so I reported her on the site for that. Report her for what?? x
Not clear if they had actually arranged a meet but there is that option under profile report section "Arranged a meet, didn't show up". I don't what action is taken by Admin but if somebody get reported for this a lot then guess there is an issue. "Did arrange to meet at a hotel | |||
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"Yeah I get what you mean mate,had a similar situation where I was meant to meet a woman last week after messaging back and forth for a few weeks. Not only did she not show up but ignored my my phone calls and texts for no reason so I reported her on the site for that. Report her for what?? x
Fly tipping "Exhibit D of a Fab Forum joker. Lol!
Just giving the poor lad a hint of a tip of unzipping his fly and getting the tip in. lol!
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"Is this still going on... There's only one way to settle this argument. Blowjobs. I'll be the judge
Ya'll better turn up. As I'm short on time
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"Why not just say no? Why message back and forth, back and forth, pretending like you're totally booked out for the at least next 2-3 weeks? Not even half an hour for a coffee or anything. Look, I don't even take it personally if you don't want to, but what I just don't understand is this game of pretending that you want, but never making out a date (or if you do, you constantly give rainchecks at last minute). I have this lady, she lives in my inbox since 4 months. Always busy apparently but "she definitely wants to meet me", or so she keeps reassuring me. Of course this is never going to happen and I lost all hope and interest, but I just play along to see how long she can keep it up. Why do you do that? So I genuinely am really busy with little time over the next couple of months. Mainly because I have over committed myself. I hope I am clear about it with people but actually I will make sure I do better. Of course part of my issue is that many of the people I am speaking live in other areas not close to me. I also need down time. Ask her straight out and give her some options for days and times. Walk away if you don't get a satisfactory answer. " See I already eliminated people who do not live close to me unless they are coming close to me. It's on my profile already. Travel wears me out, I get travel anxiety and I hate driving in London. | |||
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"Yeah I get what you mean mate,had a similar situation where I was meant to meet a woman last week after messaging back and forth for a few weeks. Not only did she not show up but ignored my my phone calls and texts for no reason so I reported her on the site for that. Report her for what?? x because she didnt show up without explanation and you can report people on here if they dont show up to a meeting"I can't be arsed. I'll only report something criminally law-breaking. | |||
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"Yeah I get what you mean mate,had a similar situation where I was meant to meet a woman last week after messaging back and forth for a few weeks. Not only did she not show up but ignored my my phone calls and texts for no reason so I reported her on the site for that. Report her for what?? x
Fly tipping
Exhibit D of a Fab Forum joker. Lol!
Just giving the poor lad a hint of a tip of unzipping his fly and getting the tip in. lol!
"I always leave a tip | |||
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"Why not just say no? Why message back and forth, back and forth, pretending like you're totally booked out for the at least next 2-3 weeks? Not even half an hour for a coffee or anything. Look, I don't even take it personally if you don't want to, but what I just don't understand is this game of pretending that you want, but never making out a date (or if you do, you constantly give rainchecks at last minute). I have this lady, she lives in my inbox since 4 months. Always busy apparently but "she definitely wants to meet me", or so she keeps reassuring me. Of course this is never going to happen and I lost all hope and interest, but I just play along to see how long she can keep it up. Why do you do that? Why do you play along? All you're doing is enabling. Why not just forget it, block and concentrate on someone who will meet? " It's the horny...some people ( men) don't think straight when they are horny...especially if they are always horny. Also men do fixate on the people who are still interacting with them on Fab. Men have told me I'm the only one who is regularly in their inbox. It can create false hope which is why a lot of people just delete and block without even reading the message. | |||
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"If she wants to meet you set a time in the future for said meet. If not then it’s just chat. Everyone’s life is busy but if you want to sort it then you will. It’s quite straightforward really "See I'm not an online chatter...I get very little benefit from that. I get more benefit from a Netflix episode than I get from an online chat with someone I've never met. Unless we have something we are highly interested in besides sex. Online Chatting is very low on my priority list. | |||
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"This is a site for swingers and people who want to engage in partner swapping and group sex. If there's no intention there to engage in that from them stop wasting your time. Also it's probably a man. "some people are here for the sole fantasy and their wank bank. | |||
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"This is a site for swingers and people who want to engage in partner swapping and group sex. If there's no intention there to engage in that from them stop wasting your time. Also it's probably a man.
some people are here for the sole fantasy and their wank bank. "Damn. Caught me | |||
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"Oh it's not just women, men do it too... smh" men, women, couples, trans...object, place things, animals...how dare they. lol! | |||
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"Why not just say no? Why message back and forth, back and forth, pretending like you're totally booked out for the at least next 2-3 weeks? Not even half an hour for a coffee or anything. Look, I don't even take it personally if you don't want to, but what I just don't understand is this game of pretending that you want, but never making out a date (or if you do, you constantly give rainchecks at last minute). I have this lady, she lives in my inbox since 4 months. Always busy apparently but "she definitely wants to meet me", or so she keeps reassuring me. Of course this is never going to happen and I lost all hope and interest, but I just play along to see how long she can keep it up. Why do you do that? So I genuinely am really busy with little time over the next couple of months. Mainly because I have over committed myself. I hope I am clear about it with people but actually I will make sure I do better. Of course part of my issue is that many of the people I am speaking live in other areas not close to me. I also need down time. Ask her straight out and give her some options for days and times. Walk away if you don't get a satisfactory answer. Being busy is not even the real issue. It's just the whole shtick of never mentioning when they do hve time, but rather focussing on when they don't have time the whole time, and yet reassuring tht they do want to meet still. Just not in the forseeable future. If you tell me "Dom, I'd like to meet you, too, but for the next 2 weeks I am completely booked out with work and I need some downtime on the weekends. Let's meet after the project is finished, in 3 weeks time" then that wouldn't annoy me one bit." If they don't give you a time, date, place and evidence of them putting it in their diary (ok picture of diary is a bit extreme but that's me), lower your expectaions. Side note: It goes both ways...did you ask them when they are free? If they say they don't know...then I don't know is a no. Lol! | |||
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"Men do the same. I just met a man after talking to him for 3 years. We just couldn't coordinate our diaries." You have more strength than me Sister! By week 12 I've forgotten that they exist. | |||
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"Honestly OP, why don’t you just cut all the communication when it’s obvious that person doesn’t want to meet you? 4 months is a long time. Tell them how you feel about it but please don’t play along. Put your energy and effort elsewhere. " He's young. He has more energy and care and brain capacity than I do. Lol! By week 12 they've automatically been put in the recycling bin of my brain. By week 16 permanent unrecoverable deletion. lol! | |||
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"Life is busy! X No ones life is THAT busy." You'll find for us men, it's easier. We shower, quick trim and we're good to go. When women meet men, they dp their hair, their make up, they clean, they do everything we do plus more. And I'm not joking when I say, our lives are really busy. We have responsibilities and we don't even get half an hour with each other sometimes, never mind anyone else. | |||
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"Yeah I get what you mean mate,had a similar situation where I was meant to meet a woman last week after messaging back and forth for a few weeks. Not only did she not show up but ignored my my phone calls and texts for no reason so I reported her on the site for that. Report her for what?? x because she didnt show up without explanation and you can report people on here if they dont show up to a meeting
Most of us have had that happen or cancelled last minute! I'd not b reporting it to anyone! just move on and put it down to experiance! All part and part of fabs! X"yeah, I don't cancel last minute. Disappointment is a huge trigger for me. I once went on a date deathly ill, had dinner, and then went back to my lover's flat where he tucked me into bed with tonsilitis medication and lemsip...no hank panky for him but I showed up. lol! completely unattractive and feeling unattractive but at least I showed up. If I say I'm going to do something I do it especially when other humans are involved...unless it might require hospitalization, incarceration or burial. Lol! | |||
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"Women say they want to meet you!?... Well you're doing better than I am buddy "Exhibit E of a Fab Forum joker. Lol!
I wanna meet the male other half..if they ever come out to play..... | |||
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"Honestly OP, why don’t you just cut all the communication when it’s obvious that person doesn’t want to meet you? 4 months is a long time. Tell them how you feel about it but please don’t play along. Put your energy and effort elsewhere. I'm playing hard to get. Jeez. Give a guy a break!
All I really care about is how hard?
Hard like steel"Books train tickets to Lincolnshire. | |||
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"Honestly OP, why don’t you just cut all the communication when it’s obvious that person doesn’t want to meet you? 4 months is a long time. Tell them how you feel about it but please don’t play along. Put your energy and effort elsewhere. And ruin my own, private running joke? No, ma'am, I shall not. She is just one example, it happened more often than that. Not all the time, but often. The issue is, that you just can't tell those women how you feel about being stringed along. They get all huff and puff and take the high road out." OP..a small piece of middle aged advice....if people ( women) do not care how you feel and about your emotions, they are better off not in your life at all. Having your emotions invalidated and unacknowledged is destructive to your sense of self. Nothing high road about crushing someone's emotions. | |||
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"Honestly OP, why don’t you just cut all the communication when it’s obvious that person doesn’t want to meet you? 4 months is a long time. Tell them how you feel about it but please don’t play along. Put your energy and effort elsewhere. I'm playing hard to get. Jeez. Give a guy a break!
All I really care about is how hard?
Hard like steel
How busy are you in September 2024? "September 2024..I will either be in Barbados or in a coffin...either way I'm busy.... ....unless you want to come with... lol!
Apologies for my morbid sense of humour. It's the only thing keeping me alive. | |||
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"Honestly OP, why don’t you just cut all the communication when it’s obvious that person doesn’t want to meet you? 4 months is a long time. Tell them how you feel about it but please don’t play along. Put your energy and effort elsewhere. I'm playing hard to get. Jeez. Give a guy a break!
All I really care about is how hard?
Hard like steel
How busy are you in September 2024?
13 months time.... hmmmm let me just look into my crystal ball. Oh yeah sorry that's full. " | |||
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"Life is busy! X No ones life is THAT busy." some of us really are. I'm a single mum, carer,grandma, have work, house work.. friends , hobbies,me time. I do tell people to meet me at a club but if they want a social its going to take time. Often my free time comes spur of the moment. Longest I've waited to meet someone was 8 years | |||
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"Honestly OP, why don’t you just cut all the communication when it’s obvious that person doesn’t want to meet you? 4 months is a long time. Tell them how you feel about it but please don’t play along. Put your energy and effort elsewhere. And ruin my own, private running joke? No, ma'am, I shall not. She is just one example, it happened more often than that. Not all the time, but often. The issue is, that you just can't tell those women how you feel about being stringed along. They get all huff and puff and take the high road out. I know what you mean. If you feel like you can’t tell them how you feel about being stringed along it only means one thing - you are not for them, their loss, dodged the bullet, call it as you like. Put your effort in finding someone you are compatible with, including the communication bit, that’s what I would do. And all I’m saying is it takes time sometimes for dates to align. I just wish it wouldn't be so common practice. I swear, this comes from the fact that this is always defended in public. If people were only less accepting with this excuse, I think the amount of women (and men which was mentioned before, but no idea as I don't date men) who would do this still, would be very much lower." Just take my approach to the public, society and the news media....avoid like the plague. Just last night I was cornily singing along to the music playing in Lidl..blissfully unaware of what crisis, controversy, scandal or outrage has occurred. luckily at middle age, I've learned to defend myself only if someone directly approaches me or attacks me. the rest is just noise at this point in my life. No more existential angst for me. Take people as and where they are and leave them there. | |||
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"Life is busy! X No ones life is THAT busy. That's actually not true. And a half hour coffee for most people isn't just half an hour. Exactly. Especially when you have to drive for an hour and a half to meet them halfway......
Some people forget the geography aspect, the literal hours it takes to look vaguely presentable and the little things in life like work, family commitments and the incredible amount of time invested in important things in life, such as dicking around in the forums.
A half hour coffee is never just a half hour coffee, even if you want it to be or think it is.
A"What are these things? I have no reference... I don't drive. I avoid travelling for an hour and a half one way if I can help it. Geography I left at Alevels with an A. Currently sat in my pants unpresentable. Work is meh. Family do their own thing including being brought home after midnight by the police at age 75... The younger ones are better behaved. I'm not currently dicking around on forums....might be currently vag-ing and boobing around on forums. | |||
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"Yeah I get what you mean mate,had a similar situation where I was meant to meet a woman last week after messaging back and forth for a few weeks. Not only did she not show up but ignored my my phone calls and texts for no reason so I reported her on the site for that. Report her for what?? x because she didnt show up without explanation and you can report people on here if they dont show up to a meeting
Most of us have had that happen or cancelled last minute! I'd not b reporting it to anyone! just move on and put it down to experiance! All part and part of fabs! X That would be fine if she told me this but said nothing and ignored my phone calls and texts but she comes on here on her status and says "I'm not here to talk but here for a good time for a long time" now I'm prepared to move on but make no apologies for reporting her "Best thing you can do mate...don't give her anymore head space. she is not the one..or the two...or the other. | |||
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"Breadcrumbing? Wanting to chat but no intention of meeting? Time waster? Any of those things. If someone doesn’t prioritise making *any* time for you then run a mile. It’s not going to get better. Not necessarily true pickle. It’s taken me 10 months to be able to meet some people on here. Distance, schedules etc. And it’s been worth it every time. The drop everything and meet for a local coffee - not so successful. At least if you’re communicating you’re building up something. Could just be me " Yeah just you and some other people. My brain deletes people after 12 weeks. 16 weeks and you've been erased from the hard-drive. Not my fault how my brain operates. | |||
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"Breadcrumbing? Wanting to chat but no intention of meeting? Time waster? Any of those things. If someone doesn’t prioritise making *any* time for you then run a mile. It’s not going to get better. Not necessarily true pickle. It’s taken me 10 months to be able to meet some people on here. Distance, schedules etc. And it’s been worth it every time. The drop everything and meet for a local coffee - not so successful. At least if you’re communicating you’re building up something. Could just be me Nice arse "Totally relevant..are you building up to come down to Essex from Lincoln and invest in 10 months online foreplay? | |||
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"This thread has cut deep today for me... Each situation is different OP, if you feel you are being strung along, maybe it is time to move on. If you think the lady is worth it, good things come to those who wait. And that is all I am going to say "I agree | |||
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"Just find the whole situation mind-blowing if im honest. If you ignore messages and block someone your rude. If you tell them your not interested you sometimes get abuse. If you try and be friendly and chat your breadcrumbing. What do people actually want? People are busy with life it might be the be all and end all for some but not for us." I just ask them what they want and if that doesn't align with me, then I move all. I'm not everyone's cup of tea and that's ok. I'm not a chatter and I tell people that upfront. In fact I go a few days without reading my messages and logging in so I hope they get the hint. abuse is not on and is definitely grounds for blocking and reporting. When you are single, and child-free and no dependant parents, it's harder to create intimacy and connection with another human. For couples and people with children and caring for elderly parents this is automatic. That's why it comes across more important to meet especially for single men as men find it even harder to build intimacy and connection. I sit in 3 support groups with mainly women and I play football soccer with a group of yummy mummies. We share our ups and downs and life stresses there and we have an outlet for our intense emotions. Most men without a life partner do not have anywhere to let out their intense emotions and stresses and often rightly or wrongly channel it through sex and that's where the canceled meet frustration comes from and in such seemingly importance and intensity. Yes I am the resident forum psycho-analyst, neurodivergent, morbid joker. | |||
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"Why not just say no? Why message back and forth, back and forth, pretending like you're totally booked out for the at least next 2-3 weeks? Not even half an hour for a coffee or anything. Look, I don't even take it personally if you don't want to, but what I just don't understand is this game of pretending that you want, but never making out a date (or if you do, you constantly give rainchecks at last minute). I have this lady, she lives in my inbox since 4 months. Always busy apparently but "she definitely wants to meet me", or so she keeps reassuring me. Of course this is never going to happen and I lost all hope and interest, but I just play along to see how long she can keep it up. Why do you do that?" Welcome to the Jungle...not everyone here really wants to meet, they just want their egos fed , they have no intention of every meeting , they string you along ..why ? Because they think it's ok to do so ..here SOME women have guys chasing them ..they may not have the same thing in the real world so they feel great here having guys messaging or chasing them for a meet and they love the attention, You say 4 months ..4 months !!.way too long in my humble opinion..as Andrea Boccelli sang .." Time to say Goodbye "..there are of Course women that do and will meet if interested and you'll know that fairly quick if that happens | |||
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"Life is busy! X No ones life is THAT busy. Honestly, some weeks really are that busy Agreed. If people don't like it that's ok. To make a thread whinging about it- bit odd. " When I was his age and with no psychotherapy I didn't understand either. Thanks, Mom and Dad for that sheltered over controlled childhood that taught me nothing about how other people live their lives in the real world. I'm not sure if he's whingeing or just expressing that he doesn't understand. | |||
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"Most likely a geezer " | |||
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"Just find the whole situation mind-blowing if im honest. If you ignore messages and block someone your rude. If you tell them your not interested you sometimes get abuse. If you try and be friendly and chat your breadcrumbing. What do people actually want? People are busy with life it might be the be all and end all for some but not for us. Did you read the OP?" There's reading. Then there's interpreting Then there's understanding Then there's empathising Then there's mentalising Then there's triggering Then there's projecting Then there's paranoia Then there's looking in between the lines. Then there's actualization. Lol! Yeah I get stuck at the reading level too. I can't change my neurodivergent brain. It's not intentional. | |||
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"Just find the whole situation mind-blowing if im honest. If you ignore messages and block someone your rude. If you tell them your not interested you sometimes get abuse. If you try and be friendly and chat your breadcrumbing. What do people actually want? People are busy with life it might be the be all and end all for some but not for us. I want pictures of boobs "Exhibit F of a Fab Forum joker. Lol!
I want a nice man to come be my naked maid fro free but we can't always get what we want..all of the time.... | |||
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"I dont abuse women if they tell me they not interested, I respect their decision and move on" If only they were all like you Sir. | |||
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"Breadcrumbing? Wanting to chat but no intention of meeting? Time waster? Any of those things. If someone doesn’t prioritise making *any* time for you then run a mile. It’s not going to get better. Not necessarily true pickle. It’s taken me 10 months to be able to meet some people on here. Distance, schedules etc. And it’s been worth it every time. The drop everything and meet for a local coffee - not so successful. At least if you’re communicating you’re building up something. Could just be me I think communication is key though. If I’m romantically/ sexually interested I’d not wait that long. Friends sure. But I think it also depends on clearer communication than ‘life is busy’ etc. I’d probably want a clearer, ‘love is busy/ overwhelming rn but I would really like to meet when this period is over. How about a time in [insert month or week]?’ And that gives me the choice to say- actually that’s a bit far away for me and I’d probably prefer not to wait that long. Or to decide, yes you’re worth it. This option *sounds like*, and I’m assuming I appreciate, It’s every time he asks that she says she can’t but really does want to meet. Poor communication means I’d not play those games but I totally hear what you and others are saying. " Well said Mr Pickle. | |||
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"But I may be interested, just not possible now. Its not all about meeting now" see above how my brain deletes people after 12 weeks. | |||
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"Sometimes it takes about 7 years.. .. but you know, “all good things..” Jeez. Who would wait that long?
Some men in sexless marriages. Lol! I'm trolling."He wasn't joking | |||
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"Why not just say no? Why message back and forth, back and forth, pretending like you're totally booked out for the at least next 2-3 weeks? Not even half an hour for a coffee or anything. Look, I don't even take it personally if you don't want to, but what I just don't understand is this game of pretending that you want, but never making out a date (or if you do, you constantly give rainchecks at last minute). I have this lady, she lives in my inbox since 4 months. Always busy apparently but "she definitely wants to meet me", or so she keeps reassuring me. Of course this is never going to happen and I lost all hope and interest, but I just play along to see how long she can keep it up. Why do you do that?" Sometimes I say I can't meet for 2-3 weeks because I've got shit to do and can't meet. No, not even half an hour for coffee, because half an hour isn't half an hour - it's the time to get ready, time to get there, time to get back. Most of my meets are set up further out than that (this wasn't always the case). Rainchecks is either lack of consideration or a chaotic life. Two of my favourite ever first meets, it took well over a year to arrange logistics between the two of us. Sure, some people might be faking it or whatever, but sometimes shit happens - but both parties are still interested and will make it work. Engage a bit less in the conversation if it's not working for you. | |||
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