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Animal Mating Rituals that Make You Glad to be Human
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Do you know any weird ones?
Here are two of my favourites sure to make you thank god you're human.
FLATWORMS - They are hermaphroditic, and as such this results in mating flatworms fighting to be the male. They do so by using their penises to fight one another until one is victorious. These fights can long and hard (and throbbing), with both flatworms incurring multiple injuries throughout the battle.
The loser gets stabbed through the body with the penis and serves as the females and has babies. The male fucks off to do whatever he wants (beers with the boys)
SNAILS - They will shoot their partner in the head with a dart that delivers a mucus that prepares the snail for receiving some snail jizz
Some snails will use the same dart to jab their partner in the head over and over again for up to an hour.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Do you know any weird ones?
Here are two of my favourites sure to make you thank god you're human.
FLATWORMS - They are hermaphroditic, and as such this results in mating flatworms fighting to be the male. They do so by using their penises to fight one another until one is victorious. These fights can long and hard (and throbbing), with both flatworms incurring multiple injuries throughout the battle.
The loser gets stabbed through the body with the penis and serves as the females and has babies. The male fucks off to do whatever he wants (beers with the boys)
SNAILS - They will shoot their partner in the head with a dart that delivers a mucus that prepares the snail for receiving some snail jizz
Some snails will use the same dart to jab their partner in the head over and over again for up to an hour.
"
Makes our 2 pump missionary seem quite acceptable  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I dunno…..humans do do some pretty weird shit in the name of sex.
In answer to the OP: spiders. The ones where the female eats the male after they mate. |
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FORUMITES - They spend 3-7 years doing the  emoji at one another, during which time they will UNLOS twice and end up messaging after a Secret Service thread under different names, realise who each other are, meet, shag, then spend the next six months answering most threads with #theyknowwhotheyare, even if that thread was just about what type of jam I should have on my toast, I was having a bad brain moment and needed someone to decision for me, why is there so many jams when I have a deadline for fucksake.
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"I dunno…..humans do do some pretty weird shit in the name of sex.
In answer to the OP: spiders. The ones where the female eats the male after they mate. "
Ah yes the Nursery Spider.
The females eat the males almost as a matter of course regardless of sex.
The male will try and bring gifts wrapped up in silk to appease the female, the gift often being the corpse of a rival male.
They do so in the hope that after the sex the female will be content with her gift and not eat the male... though this often isn't the case and results in the male playing dead hoping she will lose interest or she eats him anyway |
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Ducks. Males tend to be a bit on the forceful side, so females have evolved to have labyrinth-like genitals. Now, what did the male ducks do? They said fuck this and evolved corkscrew-shaped dicks to help them in their non-consensual endeavours.
Ah, gotta love nature. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Cats with the spiky cocks. Evil little shits.
Yes, although it only lasts a few seconds the male (upon withdrawal) will scrape his knob down the females vagina  "
It also locks the female in place. That’s not cool. |
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"Cats with the spiky cocks. Evil little shits.
Yes, although it only lasts a few seconds the male (upon withdrawal) will scrape his knob down the females vagina
It also locks the female in place. That’s not cool."
Bad kitty |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Cats with the spiky cocks. Evil little shits.
Yes, although it only lasts a few seconds the male (upon withdrawal) will scrape his knob down the females vagina
It also locks the female in place. That’s not cool.
Bad kitty "
Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur! Happy kitty, sleepy kitty, purr purr purr |
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By *ldgeezermeMan
over a year ago
Corralejo Surfing Colours |
"Cats with the spiky cocks. Evil little shits.
Yes, although it only lasts a few seconds the male (upon withdrawal) will scrape his knob down the females vagina
It also locks the female in place. That’s not cool.
Bad kitty
Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur! Happy kitty, sleepy kitty, purr purr purr"
Bazinga! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Male giraffes will headbutt a female repeatedly in the bladder until she urinates in order to ascertain her state of fertility from the scent. That's pretty standard practice amongst North Yorkshire humans. |
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