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Your thoughts, inspired by pickles
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By *oggone OP Man
over a year ago
Derry |
A couple broke up last year and it wasn't pretty. He went scorched earth on her and given the people involved this was surprising.
I learned a bit more yesterday. Context: he works away. They send nudes and vids.
The tipping point I learned was her lack of response to either vids or pics he sent.
So in the context of a relationship, sending nudes was met with no response.
If you were in that position having sent pics that were requested and met with silence, how would you feel.
When they broke up I assumed it was an over reaction on his part but I was reassessing since I learned more information, I've been thinking he has a point. Sometimes not saying or responding to intimacy or vulnerability is a rejection of it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would feel rejected at first then assume he wasn’t interested. But I’d want to talk and understand what was going on first - to know if there were things going on which I couldn’t see. Mental health, work commitments etc. I’d want to, but can’t guarantee I’d not go 0 to 100 on this tbf. |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
Yes, that's how it feels for me.
It takes a few seconds to respond to vulnerability or intimacy, especially if it's in a text/photo based conversation. I end up feeling awkward and then either deleting it or making a mental note that it's not particularly welcome with that person so I avoid feeling a little bit hurt.
If it kept happening, I'd ask why they're doing that/if it's unwelcome. And then I'd stop doing it. I'm very much about how someone responds to me, if it's in a less than positive way I'm happy to step back.
I don't really/very rarely send intimate photos etc, kind of because I don't believe anyone would really want to see them. And I'd feel ashamed if I didn't get any response from someone if I had that dynamic with them. |
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By *oggone OP Man
over a year ago
Derry |
"I would feel rejected at first then assume he wasn’t interested. But I’d want to talk and understand what was going on first - to know if there were things going on which I couldn’t see. Mental health, work commitments etc. I’d want to, but can’t guarantee I’d not go 0 to 100 on this tbf. "
I don't know all the details but she was a kept woman and kept in style and comfort. She did some unpaid work. I have no idea as to any issues she was experiencing.
She was definitely the looker in the relationship but from what I know the lack of response led to him doing a 180 on her.
So her silence spoke louder than any actions to him. |
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It is a little.... I can't find the right word so I'll go with disheartening when you do get that confidence to feel sexy and send the pic and get zero reply, there's definitely a confidence knock, same as dressing up to impress and getting no response in person.
I wouldn't warrant it as a reason to split I'd probably ask why there was no response and should I stop sending them if it wasn't appreciated.
Mrs |
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By *olf and RedCouple
over a year ago
Nr Cardiff or at Chams Darlaston |
Did he send like loads though , because it could be , she was thinking - there’s no conversation here. Just zillions of nudes or videos. Video calling would be more real. Seems a strange reason to break up , well to me anyway.
Red |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Communication is the key
Yes he could have felt like he was being rejected but at the same time we’re the video and photos requested or unslicted
Did they sextxt before hand or was it out the blue there is a lot off context missing
Ie if they were sextxt and they were requested then yes me may have a cuse for coner but at lest sit down talk about it
If they weren’t requested then even if it’s your wife or girlfriend or what ever they still unslisted they were still unwanted
Just because someone is your wife or girlfriend doesn’t mean you have the free right to just send them random nudes and videos
She could have felt like they were being forced on her hence the non response maybe she thought he get the hint she didn’t like that sort off thing without needing to hurt his feelings by telling him to stop
Maybe she thought that a none response maybe would have got him thinking ooo she must not like that kind off thing
As a couple they should have sat and talked it over before going and nuke the whole thing
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I won't pass comment on their relationship but what I will say is that I think if can be very easy to feel rejected.
I think in a relationship I can be quite needy of affection, reassurance that the person is really into me and I need any connection we have to be nurtured by not just me. Communication is key though. In the past I've tried to brush off my 'neediness'to try and appease them or I've toned myself down to be what they seem to want. Inevitably and very quickly feeling rejected while they think all is fine.
Not wanting to say or feeling my own needs were valid.
Perhaps something similar happened in this scenario. Needs didn't match and communication was missing. |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
"...what I will say is that I think if can be very easy to feel rejected.
I think in a relationship I can be quite needy of affection, reassurance that the person is really into me and I need any connection we have to be nurtured by not just me. Communication is key though. In the past I've tried to brush off my 'neediness'to try and appease them or I've toned myself down to be what they seem to want. Inevitably and very quickly feeling rejected while they think all is fine.
Not wanting to say or feeling my own needs were valid.
"
Sometimes when I read your posts I'm reminded of how alike we are in how we view certain topics. |
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By *oggone OP Man
over a year ago
Derry |
"I won't pass comment on their relationship but what I will say is that I think if can be very easy to feel rejected.
I think in a relationship I can be quite needy of affection, reassurance that the person is really into me and I need any connection we have to be nurtured by not just me. Communication is key though. In the past I've tried to brush off my 'neediness'to try and appease them or I've toned myself down to be what they seem to want. Inevitably and very quickly feeling rejected while they think all is fine.
Not wanting to say or feeling my own needs were valid.
Perhaps something similar happened in this scenario. Needs didn't match and communication was missing. "
You're echoing some of my own thoughts. But I can't quite articulate it. Needy isn't a nice word or a nice way to feel. That validation, acknowledgement or words of affirmation being withheld is enough to generate or cause hurt that can grow. Maybe grow out of proportion. Being in that position of feeling needy or maybe wondering that you're being unreasonable.
Imagine if you said I love you and the reply was silence. My equanimity would disappear in a heartbeat in that scenario. |
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If people don't, can't or won't talk to each other their feelings or frustrations either find a way out in a firework display of anger or are implied by inaction. Seems like the two met in this relationship |
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By *r.SJMan
over a year ago
Wellingborough |
If requested and then ignored, I can appreciate that feeling of rejection and it cutting deep... not just in respect of the self confidence and need of validation but were it to be to overthought, then comes the risk of paranoia. What was done with the pictures, was it a set up and only requested as a laugh/ control thing and shared/ mocked with others?
But to go nuclear is excessive and to what benefit or gain? Just an understanding of why would suffice... who knows what may have occurred resulting in no response.
Were it the former issues, then a time to withdraw and self reflect.
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"If requested and then ignored, I can appreciate that feeling of rejection and it cutting deep... not just in respect of the self confidence and need of validation but were it to be to overthought, then comes the risk of paranoia. What was done with the pictures, was it a set up and only requested as a laugh/ control thing and shared/ mocked with others?
But to go nuclear is excessive and to what benefit or gain? Just an understanding of why would suffice... who knows what may have occurred resulting in no response.
Were it the former issues, then a time to withdraw and self reflect.
"
I agree, 'Going scorched Earth' ...... what for ?
It seems some are taking it for granted that SHE ignored HIM and that's what led to the break up.
From the little information we have she never commented yet again on his cock and he's taken umbrage and lost his temper. He could have just asked her why she wasn't responding to the pictures. He could have just stopped sending them. He could have called her for a chat. He chose to go ' Scorched Earth'...... very excessive and unnecessary.
If someone ended a friendship with me in a temper because I didn't jump when they expected it... I wouldn't be arsed making up. specially if their temper frightened me.
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Maybe he had the wrong number and it was all a confusion
Meanwhile Sister Patience of the Order of the Holy Cucumber has had her phone confiscated by Mother Superior Flatulance and her greenhouse rights revoked (after a suspiciously bruised batch of cucumbers was returned from Crapstone market). |
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By *oggone OP Man
over a year ago
Derry |
"If requested and then ignored, I can appreciate that feeling of rejection and it cutting deep... not just in respect of the self confidence and need of validation but were it to be to overthought, then comes the risk of paranoia. What was done with the pictures, was it a set up and only requested as a laugh/ control thing and shared/ mocked with others?
But to go nuclear is excessive and to what benefit or gain? Just an understanding of why would suffice... who knows what may have occurred resulting in no response.
Were it the former issues, then a time to withdraw and self reflect.
I agree, 'Going scorched Earth' ...... what for ?
It seems some are taking it for granted that SHE ignored HIM and that's what led to the break up.
From the little information we have she never commented yet again on his cock and he's taken umbrage and lost his temper. He could have just asked her why she wasn't responding to the pictures. He could have just stopped sending them. He could have called her for a chat. He chose to go ' Scorched Earth'...... very excessive and unnecessary.
If someone ended a friendship with me in a temper because I didn't jump when they expected it... I wouldn't be arsed making up. specially if their temper frightened me.
"
Ok the words scorched earth stand out for you. I used it the term because I would have considered him a steady nonvolatile guy. She is an non eu national, she lived in his home and was supported by him. By the way he ended things she lost her home, financial support and has left the country. They weren't kids. They were a couple for 5ish years. I honestly don't know all the details of their relationship
But my reason for posting the topic was the topic of rejection. Particularly rejection by saying nothing. And how this would make people feel and react.
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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
Is a scorched Earth reaction an overreaction?
I don't know what I'd do. I rarely send naked photos anyway, but if my long term partner asked for one I'd assume he was having a wank.
I don't think I'd need a response to swell my ego.
I already know my fat body isn't what he wants me for.
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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Travelling |
Overreacting, yes.
BUT! ALWAYS A BUT! I will say I like big BUTS.
The way he felt to actually have an overreaction was valid.
In that mood and moment was it a quick nude pic on the level of the fab populace, or was it one that he felt he was in the mood to be intimate?
It's a very complex situation, one that some would brush off because it's not them in that situation but many people often react very different when put in these situations than what they have said.
On the surface I'd say it wouldn't bother me but if its a sudden 180 on how she usually responds then it would feel a bit of a rejection or reduced/lack of interest in me. |
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