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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Last year a couple of friends/wiv bens I’d know for years suddenly cut contact with me. No explanation.
Behind the sass I’m actually quite an emotional and at times sensitive person and I didn’t find this easy to move on from.
So.. how important is closure to you? Can you let things go without it? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Think it's important to most, something like that leaves a raggy thread. You dont know why so you go over it in your head trying to think what has happened. Fact is, it may have nothing to do with you personally, maybe they are going through stuff and have closed down? |
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"Last year a couple of friends/wiv bens I’d know for years suddenly cut contact with me. No explanation.
Behind the sass I’m actually quite an emotional and at times sensitive person and I didn’t find this easy to move on from.
So.. how important is closure to you? Can you let things go without it? "
I've had this happen recently and it's shit, I do wonder why, what I did and I'll overthink it all, I'd much prefer to know than just be cut off.
Hope your ok op.
Mrs |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've had this. It hurts like hell when it's someone you thought actually gave a dam.
Not being able to contact them, not even knowing if they're ok. That hurts more than them not wanting anything to do with me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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While on here previously, I had a similar issue.
I met a woman on here and became very close to her. We met several times over a period of time and had a ball. Not every meet was sexual but those that were lasted all day and were mind blowing.
Then, out of the blue a meet was cancelled and I was ghosted. The especially hurtful thing about this was we discussed ghosting very early on and how we both found it abhorrent. I even offered her support when one of her other fwb did the same to her. I challenged her, and eventually got a response which was a contradiction and a pack of lies. So the why will never be known… to me.
What did I do? I forgave her, and said so in an email I sent, but have no idea if it was read. The forgiveness though was for my benefit, not hers. Don’t waste your mental and emotional energy on hate, resentment or regret. |
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It's horrible sorry you're going through this.
Someone has recently cut off contact with me and I've no idea why. I'm trying not to overthink it.
It's more than likely something to do with them and not you though. |
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"Not being able to contact them, not even knowing if they're ok. That hurts more than them not wanting anything to do with me. "
Yeah, that.
There’s a cowardice to it. Cutting off instead of standing up and saying ‘I’m ending this’. And when it’s someone you respected, maybe even idolised a bit … that’s just fucking disappointing. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Last year a couple of friends/wiv bens I’d know for years suddenly cut contact with me. No explanation.
Behind the sass I’m actually quite an emotional and at times sensitive person and I didn’t find this easy to move on from.
So.. how important is closure to you? Can you let things go without it? "
My ongoing situation needs closure. Except neither of us seem capable of it beyond a few days or a week. It’s the hope that continues to kill. |
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There's only one friendship I've had that's ended without me knowing why. I do sometimes wonder about her reasons but not often.
I think if a very close friend suddenly cut contact I'd want to know why and it would upset me if I couldn't find out.
So yes, closure is probably important to me |
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"Last year a couple of friends/wiv bens I’d know for years suddenly cut contact with me. No explanation.
Behind the sass I’m actually quite an emotional and at times sensitive person and I didn’t find this easy to move on from.
So.. how important is closure to you? Can you let things go without it? "
Depends who it is.
Some people I would not spare a thought for, as they were for a season.
Recently things went downhill with a mate I had known since I was a toddler, still trying to work what to do with that one. |
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I prefer closure.
Without it I tear my head apart wondering what I did wrong and why it was my fault (even if it wasn't).
I've got better at forgetting about things/people over time but there's still some overthinking in the background. This has made me colder in general though so I'm probably not dealing with it in the correct way even though I'm forgetting about it. |
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By *EAT..85Woman
over a year ago
Nottingham |
Closure is important if you can get it. If you aren't given it, it's worth finding a method for your own version as close to closure as possible. Dwelling isn't healthy and there always being 'that thought/question' that pops up when you're d*unk or low isn't healthy either. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I prefer closure.
Without it I tear my head apart wondering what I did wrong and why it was my fault (even if it wasn't).
I've got better at forgetting about things/people over time but there's still some overthinking in the background. This has made me colder in general though so I'm probably not dealing with it in the correct way even though I'm forgetting about it."
You can have one of my meatballs  |
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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Travelling |
Had this a few years ago. A group of "Friends" cut contact with me. Gradual at first but then it went sudden and just silence.
At the time it destroyed me pretty much. With the exception of family I was alone.
Ive had others do it since too, but they were less impactful on my life.
Maybe I'm the issue, since it keeps happening. I still don't know why any really did it. Closure would have been nice but I just bullforced my way through that once I got my shit and mind together to put them behind me. |
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They obviously ain't true friends! Especially if they just cut you off with no explanation. It's not nice what they done! But do try to remember your own worth and it's their loss. Sometimes we are wrong about people and they turn out to be fake! You've had a lucky escape and in time you'll move on. Hugs xo |
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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago
Derry |
"Anyway I was asking about how others deal with it. Not to dwell on my own need for closure. "
You're hurt. You just got to work through that. Nobody will hurt you like the people closest to you, the ones that matter.
If I knew myself, I'd have done it. Here's what I can say to you. Keep your dignity and know your own self worth. This is on them not you.
I went through something similar and honestly 2 years later I still don't know why but I have come to accept it. Keep busy, give yourself a project, a target or a goal. It's going to hurt, but it will pass.
For what it's worth I think its a horrible shitty thing to do to anyone |
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Depends on the context, fiancee from 15 years ago dumped me via text. No reason given, just disappeared......to this blasted day I still think of her and with fond memories.
Yet, friend with benefit disappeared for 2 odd years and reappeared once her boyfriend broke up with her.
I won't ever go back to either but would talk to the fiancee....only because I'm fucked in the head.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Last year a couple of friends/wiv bens I’d know for years suddenly cut contact with me. No explanation.
Behind the sass I’m actually quite an emotional and at times sensitive person and I didn’t find this easy to move on from.
So.. how important is closure to you? Can you let things go without it? "
I spent 2 years looking for closure from somebody. The truth is I needed it and finally got it but that said they’d moved on so all the worrying and fear I had that they had actually been killed or looking at myself for anything I had done was wasted energy and stopped me moving on, as they clearly didn’t feel the same |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm sorry, Glowupdoll. It's an unpleasant thing to experience. A FWB I'd known for years disappeared a few months ago. I've been alternately angry and hurt. I still am. I trusted him, we shared a lot with each other over the years. All I can do is not allow myself to dwell on it. And challenge any "what did I do wrong" thoughts. Because I'm very imperfect, BUT I didn't do anything wrong. |
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"I prefer closure.
Without it I tear my head apart wondering what I did wrong and why it was my fault (even if it wasn't).
I've got better at forgetting about things/people over time but there's still some overthinking in the background. This has made me colder in general though so I'm probably not dealing with it in the correct way even though I'm forgetting about it.
You can have one of my meatballs "
Aren't you cute
I knew there was a veritable sweetie pie beneath the tough exterior  |
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I think closure can be important for us to move on sometimes yes.
It can just stop you thinking things are your fault in some way.
I'd only really cut someone off with no explanation if they'd done something I couldn't forgive them for,as it's quite harsh.
Miss |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Last year a couple of friends/wiv bens I’d know for years suddenly cut contact with me. No explanation.
Behind the sass I’m actually quite an emotional and at times sensitive person and I didn’t find this easy to move on from.
So.. how important is closure to you? Can you let things go without it? "
It's difficult. Make something up, a reason why it ended.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Last year a couple of friends/wiv bens I’d know for years suddenly cut contact with me. No explanation.
Behind the sass I’m actually quite an emotional and at times sensitive person and I didn’t find this easy to move on from.
So.. how important is closure to you? Can you let things go without it? "
It's polite or courteous to inform someone when things have run their course but sometimes its just easier to cut the ties and let that be that. |
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I like to work out what I need, in order to get closure. It has included grieving for someone and isn't necessarily fast, nor having a predictable end point (even though we prefer certainty and predictability). What can be fast is the starting off and getting the clarity of what I need.
I've done memorable, significant things, to signify the turning point.
What's great, is having them clearly in your past. As with most things moving away from us, they get to become dimmer and more ineffectual aspects of our earlier life  . As humans we do like explanations and the understanding of things, more so when there's an emotional element of a situation. We'll often not get it but I appreciate when those things are but grey ghosts in old misty fog, when I don't have any interest or pangs of emotions left over. The people who were around I still have some positive associations to but they just have the significance in my current life, similarly to people who I walked past in the street a few days ago.
Hope you get to find closure |
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