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What's in the past stays in the past...
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
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How true is that for you?
It's very much inspired by threads today talking about relationships but it's not solely about those.
Do you find experiences make you more cynical or open to things?
Do you try and take things as you find them or are you more cautious because of previous experiences? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Our past influences us unconsciously, how can it not?
I am pretty good at leaving experiences and relationships behind and not dwelling on them but I can't say that I'm unaffected by them"
I’m thinking of that Baldwin quote again  |
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I think it would be silly to claim that experiences aren't coloured by the previous ones.
I try to identify and adapt in situations when I realise I'm letting my past determine my choices when it's not really relevant though. |
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"Our past influences us unconsciously, how can it not?
I am pretty good at leaving experiences and relationships behind and not dwelling on them but I can't say that I'm unaffected by them
I’m thinking of that Baldwin quote again "
Yep  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What's happened in the past has definitely made me how I am today.
I don't see that as a bad thing though, yeah I'm more cold hearted and closed off to men. But I'm also more independent and a lot happier. I wouldn't change that.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I take time to contemplate my past failures then find many more fun ways of replicating them.
On a serious note. Learn from it then let the shit stuff go.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What's happened in the past has definitely made me how I am today.
I don't see that as a bad thing though, yeah I'm more cold hearted and closed off to men. But I'm also more independent and a lot happier. I wouldn't change that.
"
I 100% agree. If the crap didn't happen then I wouldn't be me. Sometimes i quite like me ;-p |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
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"I very much believe in this, shit happens you can’t change it, but you can change what happens after. I never dwell.
I know a few people who have no future, because they live in the past.
The mr "
Not dwelling is the ideal in my mind. Things can change who you are, stay with you but if you're living in the past you forget what's happening around you. |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
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"Our past influences us unconsciously, how can it not?
I am pretty good at leaving experiences and relationships behind and not dwelling on them but I can't say that I'm unaffected by them"
Yes it does. Even little learned behaviours that you don't really think about and then you remember why you do that.
I had that earlier today - when I was little we didn't have any money at all. I was standing in front of the pantry and thinking "fuck, why do I have so much stuff? Need to run it down" and then I realised it's because I'm actively avoiding my childhood. Well, some parts of it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I forgive (for my benefit)but i dont forget. I learned from each experience as much as I could but I dont believe they define me as in making me who I am now. Had they not happened then I'd be a better version of myself and that's not saying I'm unhappy with who I am, I just dont buy into the what doesnt kill you makes you stronger thing. |
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I try to learn from every experience, positive or negative.
I was working with someone last week who got my hackles up and I couldn't quite put my finger on why. Wee bit of reflection and I realised it was because they reminded me of a former boss who was one of the most disingenuous and false people I've ever had the misfortune of meeting. But I dealt with this individual better than I would have had I never encountered my boss. |
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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
You can't change the past so I don't think there is a lot of point dwelling on things that have happened. I have seen it in my own family where past events have stopped people moving on with their lives and enjoying the life they have now. The past can make you very bitter if you let it but I don't see the point letting it ruin the future,we do only get one chance at life.
Yes I have learnt from things that have happened in the past and I know those experiences have made me the person I am now. So for that I am grateful.
I will never forget the hurt some people caused or the twisted things people did but it's over and I just move on and try not to let it influence my future. I refuse to judge others because of the actions of others in the past.But I do know the red flags for lack of a better phrase to never ignore again. |
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"Our past influences us unconsciously, how can it not?
I am pretty good at leaving experiences and relationships behind and not dwelling on them but I can't say that I'm unaffected by them
Yes it does. Even little learned behaviours that you don't really think about and then you remember why you do that.
I had that earlier today - when I was little we didn't have any money at all. I was standing in front of the pantry and thinking "fuck, why do I have so much stuff? Need to run it down" and then I realised it's because I'm actively avoiding my childhood. Well, some parts of it."
I hear that loud and clear. It's the reason I have so many clothes and never eat just half a tomato.  |
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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago
Derry |
This post reminded me of this:
To regret one's own experience is to arrest one's own development. To deny one's own experience is to put a lie into the lips of one's own life. It is no less than a denial of the soul.
......The most important thing, the thing that lies before me, the thing I have to do, if the brief remainder of my days is not to be maimed, marred and incomplete, is to absorb into my nature all that has been done to me, to make it part of me, to accept it without complaint, fear or reluctance
Oscar Wilde |
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"How true is that for you?
It's very much inspired by threads today talking about relationships but it's not solely about those.
Do you find experiences make you more cynical or open to things?
Do you try and take things as you find them or are you more cautious because of previous experiences?"
All of the above really. Experiences shape us don't they? Not sure its realistic to ever truly leave a past experience in the past though. |
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