FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Attachment styles
Attachment styles
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Secure
Anxious
Avoidant
Anxious-avoidant
I'm aware people don't all fit in boxes and that styles change in response to events and that a spectrum is probably more appropriate but for the sake of a forum post.... Which are you? |
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"I am secure and avoid drama llamas at all costs, which includes friendships, I have my own life to lead, not be dragged into other people's disasters..."
Security doesn't prevent drama completely! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Don't really do attachments as i have a thirst for being free.
Can work against on Fab because alot of people like some kind of attachment or atleast not one offs |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Anxious
But I think fab works for me because I know they aren't necessarily going to be relationships and the pressure is off. I know they can walk away at any time, someone else might get their attention and they lose interest in me. But because it's the nature of the scene it feels like a safe space as I don't need to be so anxious.
Fuck I don't even like reading that back.
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"I am secure and avoid drama llamas at all costs, which includes friendships, I have my own life to lead, not be dragged into other people's disasters...
Security doesn't prevent drama completely! "
Me being secure doesn't prevent any one else being a drama llama. It's simply not something I am and I don't wish to partake in anyone else's |
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Hey you 
I've only heard of these in child psychology before. And I've taken a random quiz on the internet and I'm told I'm anxious aviodant, I'm not a fan of traditional relationships so I don't care  makes no difference to fab for me |
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"Which are you? Are you aware if its causing issues?
Does it effect your interactions on fab?
What about you op?
"
I'm mostly secure. It can be a real challenge understanding the way people are if they differ from your style. That's why I ask! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Don't really do attachments as i have a thirst for being free.
Can work against on Fab because alot of people like some kind of attachment or atleast not one offs
Possibly avoidant then?
"
Anxious aviodant if chosing one of those options... Just because of being free for me though |
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"I have absolutely no idea and have never given it a moment's thought. I just am.
Secure then! "
I don't believe my darling husband has ever thought about it either, but he's not here for me to ask. I only know about secure attachment etc when it comes to parenting. |
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"Hey you
I've only heard of these in child psychology before. And I've taken a random quiz on the internet and I'm told I'm anxious aviodant, I'm not a fan of traditional relationships so I don't care makes no difference to fab for me "
It started off in child psychology but has been applied to adult relationships too. I think it probably works with D/s relationships too. |
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"Anxious
But I think fab works for me because I know they aren't necessarily going to be relationships and the pressure is off. I know they can walk away at any time, someone else might get their attention and they lose interest in me. But because it's the nature of the scene it feels like a safe space as I don't need to be so anxious.
Fuck I don't even like reading that back.
"
It is interesting how, knowing your style makes you more aware of it. Is that what you mean? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Which are you? Are you aware if its causing issues?
Does it effect your interactions on fab? "
Attachment? In relation to swinging? We go with non-existent. We have friendships within swinging but there is no attachment. |
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"Which are you? Are you aware if its causing issues?
Does it effect your interactions on fab?
Attachment? In relation to swinging? We go with non-existent. We have friendships within swinging but there is no attachment."
Fair enough. Some prefer FWB setup for example. |
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"Which are you? Are you aware if its causing issues?
Does it effect your interactions on fab? "
I think it would be helpful if you gave a definition of the attachment styles, for thise that don't know anything about them, or how they play out in life. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"For me, the love languages are more important when it comes to fab
Which of those is more you? "
Words of affirmation, quality time and physical touch.
Basically I want to feel desired and I'm very tactile |
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"I am secure and avoid drama llamas at all costs, which includes friendships, I have my own life to lead, not be dragged into other people's disasters..."
This is how I’ve ended up with 2 whole friends  |
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"Secure according to the online quizes over the last 10 years. Don't think I always was though. "
Styles change as life and environmental situations change, and we change, new relationships are formed. To name a few influences to change in attachment styles, we can also be a combination of all of them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If people want to know more about attachment styles. Read up on Bowlby and Ainsworth. The psychologists who coined the theory of attachment styles. "
Why. What will it do?
I’m reading Emily Brontë. |
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"If people want to know more about attachment styles. Read up on Bowlby and Ainsworth. The psychologists who coined the theory of attachment styles.
For children though "
OK if you want more up to date, Hazan and Shaver's work on attachment style was all about adults |
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By *mber81Woman
over a year ago
Chorley, Eng |
"Secure according to the online quizes over the last 10 years. Don't think I always was though.
Styles change as life and environmental situations change, and we change, new relationships are formed. To name a few influences to change in attachment styles, we can also be a combination of all of them."
Ahhh yeah that makes sense. I have worked a lot on myself in the last 10 years. I think understanding attachment styles a bit helped me with other people more though.
Of course all my work and I have ended up here on fab so you can be the judge if that work has paid off.  |
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I’ve got Anxious attachment style. I think stems from having an abusive mother who used to beat me up a lot and call me names. Even on her deathbed she knew how to make me feel inadequate. 5 years she’s been gone and I’m glad but it’s affecting my relationships now. |
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"Secure according to the online quizes over the last 10 years. Don't think I always was though.
Styles change as life and environmental situations change, and we change, new relationships are formed. To name a few influences to change in attachment styles, we can also be a combination of all of them.
Ahhh yeah that makes sense. I have worked a lot on myself in the last 10 years. I think understanding attachment styles a bit helped me with other people more though.
Of course all my work and I have ended up here on fab so you can be the judge if that work has paid off. "
I have no place to judge I went from a crack house to fab...so, |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Secure according to the online quizes over the last 10 years. Don't think I always was though.
Styles change as life and environmental situations change, and we change, new relationships are formed. To name a few influences to change in attachment styles, we can also be a combination of all of them.
Ahhh yeah that makes sense. I have worked a lot on myself in the last 10 years. I think understanding attachment styles a bit helped me with other people more though.
Of course all my work and I have ended up here on fab so you can be the judge if that work has paid off.
I have no place to judge I went from a crack house to fab...so, "
 |
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