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I don't think I'll ever feel confident about myself

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By *unandgamegeek OP   Man  over a year ago

Bolton

When I'm at a club by myself, no matter how hard I try, I never have the guts to say hi and start small talk with people. When I look at everyone else in the club talking, laughing, having a good time, I see that they're everything I'm not and that is they're well known, better looking and most of all, confident about themselves.

I would give anything to feel that confident again but I don't think I ever will, no matter how hard I try

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By *eiaorganaWoman  over a year ago

Dundee

Perhaps it's not for you then.

I feel the same at the moment, been struggling to chat with people for quite some time. I'm hoping it's just a blip and I'll be better eventually

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Then do things to make yourself more confident. Confidence is attractive

I am also going through a confidence crisis at the moment so I am working on myself until I'm able to overcome it. Until then I wont be meeting nor going to clubs etc as it's not fair on someone else whose hoping to meet someone vivacious and they end up with me with crippling aniexty.

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By *he love catsCouple  over a year ago

South Wales

Clubs aren't for everyone, they aren't for us either, maybe just try going to one of the organised socials people are usually ok with them and it's probably easier to chat and get to know people there.

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By *2000ManMan  over a year ago

Worthing

Sit next to them and laugh along with any humour. Join in.

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple  over a year ago

Leeds

If your not comfortable in that environment then maybe it's just not for you, or just fake it til you make it pluck up the confidence go to the bar and speak to whoever is next to you, what's the worst that can happen?

Mrs

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

This makes me feel sad.

Never ever ever give up on yourself. Give yourself a pep talk every morning!

"(Insert name) you've got this"

"(Insert name) your awesome"

"(Insert name) you can do (insert goal)"

"(Insert name) I like my (insert body part)"

Increase your sense of self appreciation because if you don't, you are bombarded with negativity every..single.. day. And it will beat you down.

You are exactly who you are and that is AWESOME!!!

Repeat after me....

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

People in sales are trained to fake confidence to forge connections, & over time it gets easier, so confidence actually grows a little. So there is some truth to the fake it until you make it logic. It feels wrong/ weird intially then less weird each time until it's more habitual.

I don't struggle with social confidence but I do struggle with body confidence. Just try to tell myself that people who are brave, are scared but still do it anyway, so I should too & the best things happen outside our comfort zone. Doesn't always work, granted, but I'm human & so are you. Can be certain that nothing will change if we don't at least try/ be kinder to ourselves when we can't.

Small steps, maybe try being chatty at socials/ 121s, & work up to clubs?

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By *otsossieMan  over a year ago

Chesterfield

I feel like I lost a lot of confidence after I deleted my old Twitter account.

This place replaced it for me, but I don’t get anywhere near as many “likes”.

But then I no longer post daily pics, because I lost confidence.

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By *eyond PurityCouple  over a year ago

Lincolnshire

Clubs are the same as nightclubs and bars.

If you can approach people in those you’ll be fine in a club. If you can’t, a club would be one of the worst places to be as you’ll see everyone having a good time and not you.

If you are lacking in confidence then I wouldn’t go to clubs as I’d say a lot of people are looking for the confident type in clubs.

Do things that make you feel more comfortable. Try socials or different things - when I was single I joined a hiking singles group and talking about an interest and having a common interest you soon get chatting to people.

K

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By *ezebel100Woman  over a year ago

Birmingham


"I feel like I lost a lot of confidence after I deleted my old Twitter account.

This place replaced it for me, but I don’t get anywhere near as many “likes”.

But then I no longer post daily pics, because I lost confidence. "

Your pics are great

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By *he Kat 666Woman  over a year ago

Salisbury


"When I'm at a club by myself, no matter how hard I try, I never have the guts to say hi and start small talk with people. When I look at everyone else in the club talking, laughing, having a good time, I see that they're everything I'm not and that is they're well known, better looking and most of all, confident about themselves.

I would give anything to feel that confident again but I don't think I ever will, no matter how hard I try "

Your veris show that you're not doing a bad job at clubs!

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By *otsossieMan  over a year ago

Chesterfield


"Your pics are great"

Thanks, but you’ll notice there aren’t many recent ones.

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By *aucasian GhandiMan  over a year ago

from my dad's left nut (Warwick)


"When I'm at a club by myself, no matter how hard I try, I never have the guts to say hi and start small talk with people. When I look at everyone else in the club talking, laughing, having a good time, I see that they're everything I'm not and that is they're well known, better looking and most of all, confident about themselves.

I would give anything to feel that confident again but I don't think I ever will, no matter how hard I try "

So, the quickest way I lose a relationship with myself, and feel insecure is to compare myself to others. So, if you've felt confidence in the past, suggests to me that you have it there. You just have to challenge that comparsion and allow yourself to be yourself, amd that's enough

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By *ezebel100Woman  over a year ago

Birmingham

I'm very confident socially but not very body confident. The result of body shaming by someone who was supposed to love me. That left quite a scar.

I'm slimmer now, but still not the size I want to be. I'm trying very hard to not be so hard on myself and become more body confident. A year ago I wouldn't look at myself naked in the mirror but I try to do that most days as a way of accepting how I am and it's slowly starting to work. I've recently seen some videos of women bigger than me in bikinis and they look great, so why do I think I'm so horrible? Why is it we judge ourselves so much harsher than we judge other people.

It does sound like a club is not the right environment for you at the moment and organised socials might be better.

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By *unandgamegeek OP   Man  over a year ago

Bolton

Why I started going in the first place is that it's what kept me alive after all these years. The friends I made there gave me a reason to live

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By *ezebel100Woman  over a year ago

Birmingham

You have some great verifications do why do you want to go to a club?

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By *unandgamegeek OP   Man  over a year ago

Bolton


"You have some great verifications do why do you want to go to a club?"

The veris I have are mainly from people at a club I usually go to

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By *wisted999Man  over a year ago

North Bucks


"Why I started going in the first place is that it's what kept me alive after all these years. The friends I made there gave me a reason to live"

Diversify your interest with other pursuits perhaps which in turn might build your confidence?

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple  over a year ago

Leeds


"I feel like I lost a lot of confidence after I deleted my old Twitter account.

This place replaced it for me, but I don’t get anywhere near as many “likes”.

But then I no longer post daily pics, because I lost confidence. "

It's a shame you've lost your confidence, you have some amazing pics arty and creative, shows you put effort into them, you have a fan here.

Mrs

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By *unandgamegeek OP   Man  over a year ago

Bolton

I've only ever been to once social years ago. It was ok

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By *viatrixWoman  over a year ago

Redhill

I’ll tell you something, OP.

I’m not an approacher and have never been. I’m an approachee 100%!

Most of the time people come and talk to me, but there was this particular social where I spent over an hour sitting on my own and I was really struggling- everyone seemed to know each other and I was thinking of going home. Instead, I went to one one of the hostesses, and asked her if she would introduce me to the people near her. She smiled, she did, and I had a great time!

Maybe you can ask one of the club’s staff to introduce you to some of the regulars? Just an idea…

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By *oggoneMan  over a year ago

Derry


"When I'm at a club by myself, no matter how hard I try, I never have the guts to say hi and start small talk with people. When I look at everyone else in the club talking, laughing, having a good time, I see that they're everything I'm not and that is they're well known, better looking and most of all, confident about themselves.

I would give anything to feel that confident again but I don't think I ever will, no matter how hard I try "

Comparison is the thief of joy. Isn't it so easy to compare yourself and then list your deficits and off you go on that negative feedback loop.

If it's something you want to do then you're probably going to have to do a bit to change things.

Could you make small talk outside a club, just 30 seconds interaction and move on? You'd want to be able to do that first.

I do understand that once you start doubting yourself it can be hard to stop. But I can say somethings with a degree of confidence, you're probably nowhere near as bad as you think you are and its not unsolvable.

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By *eeliciouschaosWoman  over a year ago

Wherever

I can understand your point.

I am very similar, I don’t lack body confidence but I really struggle with socialising due to being neurodivergent, language barrier and I am very self conscious about my accent.

I go to clubs on my own and I sometimes struggle to join in and many times I’ll just leave.

What helps is finding people who are going to the same event, chat a bit on here beforehand and in the best case scenario meet for a drink or coffee just before the event.

Good luck and hope you’ll find your confidence back OP.

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By *unandgamegeek OP   Man  over a year ago

Bolton


"I can understand your point.

I am very similar, I don’t lack body confidence but I really struggle with socialising due to being neurodivergent, language barrier and I am very self conscious about my accent.

I go to clubs on my own and I sometimes struggle to join in and many times I’ll just leave.

What helps is finding people who are going to the same event, chat a bit on here beforehand and in the best case scenario meet for a drink or coffee just before the event.

Good luck and hope you’ll find your confidence back OP. "

I myself have Asperger's which makes socialising a tad more difficult. I have tried to see who is going to an event but I've never had the courage to send a message as I hardly message anyone I don't know.

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By *arlequin_tearsMan  over a year ago

Sheffield

Being on here is hard when you have a single male account.

Every time your message gets ignored, deleted etc. Can feel like a kick in the guts.

With no feedback, it's easy for your brain to tell you that it's b/c you're old, shit in bed and have been hit with the ugly stick.

(Rather than couples and women get hundreds of messages a day and you're just lost in the mix)

Clubs can be just as hard.

As Jezebel has said you've got good pics, veris and seem like a genuine guy. Stick with it.

Keep an eye out for socials on the forums or see if their is a munch near you. That way you get to know a few people, actually build up some friendship. People saying 'Hi' when they see you is a.massive boost as you're no longer invisible.

I've always found it easier at clubs if I'm not their on my tod. Having a friend or group to come back, just to chat to helps make things feel less tense. Feels more like popping out to a pub etc rather than 'HAVING TO GET LAID' (tm).

It also means that if you do strike out you've had a nice night out with some friends.

Admittedly, asking someone, 'Fancy a fuck/play?' can still be intimidating. But remember that if you're at a club, people are there for the same reason you are and the worst you're going to get is a polite 'No' or a 'No, but we don't mind you watching'

Happy Fabbing

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By *rHotNottsMan  over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham


"I can understand your point.

I am very similar, I don’t lack body confidence but I really struggle with socialising due to being neurodivergent, language barrier and I am very self conscious about my accent.

I go to clubs on my own and I sometimes struggle to join in and many times I’ll just leave.

What helps is finding people who are going to the same event, chat a bit on here beforehand and in the best case scenario meet for a drink or coffee just before the event.

Good luck and hope you’ll find your confidence back OP. "

This is really good advice. I’m very confident but could never imagine going to a club on my own and talking to a complete stranger, not without a few drinks at least. It’s that initial ice breaker., and the fact that everybody else is in a conversation with someone already, I’m not gonna queue up. It’s much easier for me in a supermarket, coffee shop or elevator , I have no problem you can just be genuinely friendly with no expectations

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By *oggoneMan  over a year ago

Derry


"I can understand your point.

I am very similar, I don’t lack body confidence but I really struggle with socialising due to being neurodivergent, language barrier and I am very self conscious about my accent.

I go to clubs on my own and I sometimes struggle to join in and many times I’ll just leave.

What helps is finding people who are going to the same event, chat a bit on here beforehand and in the best case scenario meet for a drink or coffee just before the event.

Good luck and hope you’ll find your confidence back OP.

I myself have Asperger's which makes socialising a tad more difficult. I have tried to see who is going to an event but I've never had the courage to send a message as I hardly message anyone I don't know."

You can be successful at meeting and talking to people and lack confidence in yourself. There's not a direct correlation I think. You can have minimal interaction with people and still not feel confident in yourself.

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By *unandgamegeek OP   Man  over a year ago

Bolton


"I can understand your point.

I am very similar, I don’t lack body confidence but I really struggle with socialising due to being neurodivergent, language barrier and I am very self conscious about my accent.

I go to clubs on my own and I sometimes struggle to join in and many times I’ll just leave.

What helps is finding people who are going to the same event, chat a bit on here beforehand and in the best case scenario meet for a drink or coffee just before the event.

Good luck and hope you’ll find your confidence back OP.

I myself have Asperger's which makes socialising a tad more difficult. I have tried to see who is going to an event but I've never had the courage to send a message as I hardly message anyone I don't know.

You can be successful at meeting and talking to people and lack confidence in yourself. There's not a direct correlation I think. You can have minimal interaction with people and still not feel confident in yourself. "

Sorry, I don't understand what you mean

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By *aucasian GhandiMan  over a year ago

from my dad's left nut (Warwick)


"I can understand your point.

I am very similar, I don’t lack body confidence but I really struggle with socialising due to being neurodivergent, language barrier and I am very self conscious about my accent.

I go to clubs on my own and I sometimes struggle to join in and many times I’ll just leave.

What helps is finding people who are going to the same event, chat a bit on here beforehand and in the best case scenario meet for a drink or coffee just before the event.

Good luck and hope you’ll find your confidence back OP.

I myself have Asperger's which makes socialising a tad more difficult. I have tried to see who is going to an event but I've never had the courage to send a message as I hardly message anyone I don't know.

You can be successful at meeting and talking to people and lack confidence in yourself. There's not a direct correlation I think. You can have minimal interaction with people and still not feel confident in yourself.

Sorry, I don't understand what you mean"

Yeah hard one to wrap your head around

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By *eardedwonder999Man  over a year ago

Worcester

Have you ever thought Op that they be feeling exactly the same way about themselves.. b

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By *unandgamegeek OP   Man  over a year ago

Bolton


"Have you ever thought Op that they be feeling exactly the same way about themselves.. b"

I'm not sure as I really couldn't tell

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By *eeliciouschaosWoman  over a year ago

Wherever


"I can understand your point.

I am very similar, I don’t lack body confidence but I really struggle with socialising due to being neurodivergent, language barrier and I am very self conscious about my accent.

I go to clubs on my own and I sometimes struggle to join in and many times I’ll just leave.

What helps is finding people who are going to the same event, chat a bit on here beforehand and in the best case scenario meet for a drink or coffee just before the event.

Good luck and hope you’ll find your confidence back OP.

I myself have Asperger's which makes socialising a tad more difficult. I have tried to see who is going to an event but I've never had the courage to send a message as I hardly message anyone I don't know."

I understand that. I’m lucky to be the messages receiver rather than sender but still I have sent some in the past.

It can be something as simple as “Hi, I can see we are going to the same event, would you like to chat a bit beforehand to get to know each other with no expectations, I feel quite nervous about going on my own and it would be nice to get to know people.”

You have a good profile and are well verified so people would respond (I would) and if they won’t, you’re not compatible anyway so nothing to lose really.

Again, good luck.

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By *oggoneMan  over a year ago

Derry


"I can understand your point.

I am very similar, I don’t lack body confidence but I really struggle with socialising due to being neurodivergent, language barrier and I am very self conscious about my accent.

I go to clubs on my own and I sometimes struggle to join in and many times I’ll just leave.

What helps is finding people who are going to the same event, chat a bit on here beforehand and in the best case scenario meet for a drink or coffee just before the event.

Good luck and hope you’ll find your confidence back OP.

I myself have Asperger's which makes socialising a tad more difficult. I have tried to see who is going to an event but I've never had the courage to send a message as I hardly message anyone I don't know.

You can be successful at meeting and talking to people and lack confidence in yourself. There's not a direct correlation I think. You can have minimal interaction with people and still not feel confident in yourself.

Sorry, I don't understand what you mean"

Ok I'll try again. Lack of confidence is a separate thing. If you doubt yourself then you doubt yourself whether you're meeting people or not. Similarly you can interact with people and still be plagued with self doubt.

I may have repeated myself but I hope the meaning is clearer

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By *ackdaw52Man  over a year ago

Chesterfield

Same. I had an awful night at a club last week. And I really did make an effort to socialise, before anyone makes the point.

It might not necessarily be you. Some clubs can be cliquey, and some people can be rude or downright vindictive!

Remember to just talk for the pleasure of interesting conversation. It's not a job interview with sex as a reward. That just piles pressure on both parties.

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By *unandgamegeek OP   Man  over a year ago

Bolton


"Same. I had an awful night at a club last week. And I really did make an effort to socialise, before anyone makes the point.

It might not necessarily be you. Some clubs can be cliquey, and some people can be rude or downright vindictive!

Remember to just talk for the pleasure of interesting conversation. It's not a job interview with sex as a reward. That just piles pressure on both parties."

I always made sure to have zero expectations whenever I go. When it comes to talking about stuff, that's where I have problems

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By *eliWoman  over a year ago

.

OP, I get it. Being neurodiverse and going to clubs, socials whatever can be quite daunting. One, there's a sensory overload which isn't fun. Two; new people. New places.

I don't think confidence is something that comes from other people. They can help boost it a little but you've got to start believing in yourself. Take time away from social things that aren't making you happy and focus on the things that bring you joy again.

And because I know exactly what you mean and to show I get it - at the weekend I attended a social. A lot of people. A new venue. Wearing actual colour. I had to go to the bathroom for a few minutes and stim when I first got there because I was overwhelmed. It was either bathroom stimming or leave the venue and not go back.

I chose to stay. Made myself talk to lots of people, even if sometimes I was flitting about. I laughed a lot. Flirted. I didn't want or hope for sex. Actually, I actively avoided more than kissing a few hot people despite invites.

And I stuck it out. Because somewhere along the way I've decided I quite like me. Comparing myself doesn't serve me or others. And I've worked on being happier and more confident in myself. By going to the gym. Talking to new people. Saying yes to things. Saying fuck it when I'm being ridiculous.

You'll find it OP. That's not meant in a patronising way and I know it's far easier for women to mask but I don't think anyone on Friday would have guessed I'm ND.

A bit of fuck it now and again is good for you.

x

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By *il sub princessWoman  over a year ago

West Midlands

As I tell my team

"If you're not confident, pretend to be"

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By *affeine DuskMan  over a year ago

Caerphilly


"OP, I get it. Being neurodiverse and going to clubs, socials whatever can be quite daunting. One, there's a sensory overload which isn't fun. Two; new people. New places.

I don't think confidence is something that comes from other people. They can help boost it a little but you've got to start believing in yourself. Take time away from social things that aren't making you happy and focus on the things that bring you joy again.

And because I know exactly what you mean and to show I get it - at the weekend I attended a social. A lot of people. A new venue. Wearing actual colour. I had to go to the bathroom for a few minutes and stim when I first got there because I was overwhelmed. It was either bathroom stimming or leave the venue and not go back.

I chose to stay. Made myself talk to lots of people, even if sometimes I was flitting about. I laughed a lot. Flirted. I didn't want or hope for sex. Actually, I actively avoided more than kissing a few hot people despite invites.

And I stuck it out. Because somewhere along the way I've decided I quite like me. Comparing myself doesn't serve me or others. And I've worked on being happier and more confident in myself. By going to the gym. Talking to new people. Saying yes to things. Saying fuck it when I'm being ridiculous.

You'll find it OP. That's not meant in a patronising way and I know it's far easier for women to mask but I don't think anyone on Friday would have guessed I'm ND.

A bit of fuck it now and again is good for you.

x"

...yeah I'm just gonna say it because that's what I do, pal:

You were fucking marvellous at the social. I always find your company wonderful, but man you were energy that night.

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By *affeine DuskMan  over a year ago

Caerphilly

And to the OP:

Don't let it feel like its permanent. It ain't; nothing is.

I've been having maaaajor, massive confidence and social issues this year. I know the reason for most, but it doesn't change the struggle at times.

But I know it can turn around if I work on it.

Because it can, pal.

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By *ansoffateMan  over a year ago

Sagittarius A

Compile a list of questions to ask people about themselves, try to make it things you are interested to know. It's a good conversation starter and a safety net to fall back on.

I had a mate with a really bad nervous stutter. Would never go out, sat with him making that list over a few days. Now I barely hear from him he's drowning in women. Stutter has gone too.

Just an idea. Off the top of my head apologies if it's not helpful.

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By *unandgamegeek OP   Man  over a year ago

Bolton

I've never understood that whole "fake it to make it". I don't even know how to do that.

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By *unandgamegeek OP   Man  over a year ago

Bolton


"Compile a list of questions to ask people about themselves, try to make it things you are interested to know. It's a good conversation starter and a safety net to fall back on.

I had a mate with a really bad nervous stutter. Would never go out, sat with him making that list over a few days. Now I barely hear from him he's drowning in women. Stutter has gone too.

Just an idea. Off the top of my head apologies if it's not helpful."

An interesting idea but the problem for me is my mind always goes blank and I don't know what to say

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By *ose-tinted GlassesMan  over a year ago

Glasgow / London


"Maybe you can ask one of the club’s staff to introduce you to some of the regulars? Just an idea… "

This is brilliant, and practical, advice. Spot-on.

And I’m so happy to hear that worked for you when you were having a rubbish night, Aviatrix!

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

I can’t add anything other than what’s already been said, OP, but absolutely understand and empathise with your position, having been there myself.

I hope you can find a solution to your issue and really get the best experience you can in the clubs.

Good luck

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By *hePerkyPumpkinTV/TS  over a year ago

Bristol


"When I'm at a club by myself, no matter how hard I try, I never have the guts to say hi and start small talk with people. When I look at everyone else in the club talking, laughing, having a good time, I see that they're everything I'm not and that is they're well known, better looking and most of all, confident about themselves.

I would give anything to feel that confident again but I don't think I ever will, no matter how hard I try "

Very relatable

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By *arlequin_tearsMan  over a year ago

Sheffield


""If you're not confident, pretend to be""

As some one who's worked sales. It's one thing to do when you have training, and a bit of a script/protocol to work with.

Also at work you have a mask and you're representing the job. If someone doesn't like the product, service or company that's okay.

But the stakes are far bigger when what you're promoting is you.

May sound stupid, but things like 'power poses' and confidence building advice for interviews can help.

I love the advice about talking to the owners and staff about pointing out some friendly faces.

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By *unandgamegeek OP   Man  over a year ago

Bolton


""If you're not confident, pretend to be"

As some one who's worked sales. It's one thing to do when you have training, and a bit of a script/protocol to work with.

Also at work you have a mask and you're representing the job. If someone doesn't like the product, service or company that's okay.

But the stakes are far bigger when what you're promoting is you.

May sound stupid, but things like 'power poses' and confidence building advice for interviews can help.

I love the advice about talking to the owners and staff about pointing out some friendly faces. "

Nope, still don't get it

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By *arlequin_tearsMan  over a year ago

Sheffield


"Nope, still don't get it"

Sales stuff does take training and practice.

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By *eliWoman  over a year ago

.


"...yeah I'm just gonna say it because that's what I do, pal:

You were fucking marvellous at the social. I always find your company wonderful, but man you were energy that night.

"

I adore you Caffeine. Thank you. You'll find that confidence again but in the meantime? I'm here for you. x

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By *unandgamegeek OP   Man  over a year ago

Bolton


"Nope, still don't get it

Sales stuff does take training and practice."

Sorry, I'm trying to understand this. Wish I wasn't so thick.

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By *il sub princessWoman  over a year ago

West Midlands


""If you're not confident, pretend to be"

As some one who's worked sales. It's one thing to do when you have training, and a bit of a script/protocol to work with.

Also at work you have a mask and you're representing the job. If someone doesn't like the product, service or company that's okay.

But the stakes are far bigger when what you're promoting is you.

May sound stupid, but things like 'power poses' and confidence building advice for interviews can help.

I love the advice about talking to the owners and staff about pointing out some friendly faces. "

I advise it in any situation

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By *oggoneMan  over a year ago

Derry


"Nope, still don't get it

Sales stuff does take training and practice.

Sorry, I'm trying to understand this. Wish I wasn't so thick."

You have to prepare and practice. Walk before you run and all that.

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By *arlequin_tearsMan  over a year ago

Sheffield


"Sorry, I'm trying to understand this. Wish I wasn't so thick."

You're not thick.

Being able to swallow the anxiety, and slap on a smile is a genuine skill.

It can be taught, but it's easier if someone is sat over a pint explaining.

Try some socials events, build a friends group. It'll get easier

Also worth hanging out in places like General Chat & the Northern Room in Chat so people recognise your name ahead of an event.

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By *rincess-PeachWoman  over a year ago

irrelevant

We were at the same event today. I wish I would have known you were feeling like this I would have made an effort. I actually don't know who you are as no one looks like the same on here. I come across as confident I bet but we ALL have our own insecurities and issues. If we are there again I promise to talk although you'll have to tell me who you are

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Confidence is a weird thing.

Firstly, don't label yourself as not having confidence.

Some people are innately confident, and good for them.

Others need to feel comfortable. Are you uncomfortable?

The fact you think that is making it worse... Just go and enjoy yourself - talk to people (without any expectations), like you would in any environment where you go alone.

If all else fails - act confident. There really is no difference at the end of the day; force yourself to go and interact.

I'm an introvert so not great at it either, but you've just got to ride and do the best in the situations you've got to be in.

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By *asterR and slut mayaMan  over a year ago

Bradford


"When I'm at a club by myself, no matter how hard I try, I never have the guts to say hi and start small talk with people. When I look at everyone else in the club talking, laughing, having a good time, I see that they're everything I'm not and that is they're well known, better looking and most of all, confident about themselves.

I would give anything to feel that confident again but I don't think I ever will, no matter how hard I try "

Interesting post I'm very confident man I've been empowering women for years to build their self confundence .

But. I say this I'd never go to club on my jack Jones .but its not confidence issues with me .I'd rather go with a partner .

But you done great you gone on your own good for you . keep going over time people will get used to seeing and conversation will happen .and in time the confidence will come .

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By *unandgamegeek OP   Man  over a year ago

Bolton


"We were at the same event today. I wish I would have known you were feeling like this I would have made an effort. I actually don't know who you are as no one looks like the same on here. I come across as confident I bet but we ALL have our own insecurities and issues. If we are there again I promise to talk although you'll have to tell me who you are "

I'm the one with glasses who had a red shirt and blue shorts on when I was there.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

I can feign confidence to within an inch of my life, but I can tell you, i definitely don’t feel that way. I have huge insecurities, and I’m sure lots of others do. Making that first step is the hardest part, once you’ve done it a couple of times, it will come easier.

Mrs

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By *rincess-PeachWoman  over a year ago

irrelevant


"We were at the same event today. I wish I would have known you were feeling like this I would have made an effort. I actually don't know who you are as no one looks like the same on here. I come across as confident I bet but we ALL have our own insecurities and issues. If we are there again I promise to talk although you'll have to tell me who you are

I'm the one with glasses who had a red shirt and blue shorts on when I was there."

OK well if you go again let's chat I am a bit awkquard at talking lol but we can be all awkquard together. I find small talk hard and usually just start talking about fisting or something I'm the lady usually naked but today I had a black "dress" on with sparkly heels

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

OP if you want to know a secret. I have anxiety Every. Single. Day.

I used to let it control me to a point I'd lose myself. I'd lost what made me, me.

So I started working on myself, I started a thinking process and boxed off certain things.

1, can I change this situation?

No - forget it then.

Yes - do something then

Once I'd taught myself this very basic coping strategy, I began to find myself again. I listened to motivation speeches in the morning whilst eating breakfast, driving to work.

It built my confidence up and my anxiety went down. I still have anxiety, but I deal with it.

You'll get a thousand answers in here, but unless your willing to look yourself in the mirror and go and handle shit. None of the advice will work.

YOU! HAVE TO BELIEVE IN YOU!

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By *unandgamegeek OP   Man  over a year ago

Bolton


"We were at the same event today. I wish I would have known you were feeling like this I would have made an effort. I actually don't know who you are as no one looks like the same on here. I come across as confident I bet but we ALL have our own insecurities and issues. If we are there again I promise to talk although you'll have to tell me who you are

I'm the one with glasses who had a red shirt and blue shorts on when I was there.

OK well if you go again let's chat I am a bit awkquard at talking lol but we can be all awkquard together. I find small talk hard and usually just start talking about fisting or something I'm the lady usually naked but today I had a black "dress" on with sparkly heels "

Yeah. It is hard making small talk. I've seen you there a few times on previous visits and saw you there today. I'll make sure to say hi when I go again soon.

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By *rincess-PeachWoman  over a year ago

irrelevant

Yay , that's great I'll look forward to that. With regards to confidence , I had 0 before I started swinging. I hold my head down a lot still now. Except its got much better after this year so I have hope for you too , if you are at MOTD, kirsty will look after you as well xx

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By *unandgamegeek OP   Man  over a year ago

Bolton


"Yay , that's great I'll look forward to that. With regards to confidence , I had 0 before I started swinging. I hold my head down a lot still now. Except its got much better after this year so I have hope for you too , if you are at MOTD, kirsty will look after you as well xx"

I'm glad to hear your confidence has got much better. I'll be at the next MOTD. Kirsty is a lovely host

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