FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Profiles and reality
Profiles and reality
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Following from a post earlier it had me thinking.
Do you have preconceived perceptions about profiles here? Do you imagine them to be a certain way/type of person via there pics and chats- do they generally meet them expectations in reality?
Have you chatted to people then met them and not matched your expectations?
I have to admit there's people I thought we'd get on amazing with but didn't circumstances and vibe just not there then on the other hand I've seen profiles and thought not for me but met at socials and been very pleasantly surprised.
Have you had any nice surprises meeting people you didn't think you'd click Woh or vice versa?
Apologies for the long thread.
Mrs |
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I try not to have expectations but I suppose it’s only human nature. We can’t help it and we all do it.
This wasn’t a Fab thing, but I’ll always remember going on a date that went badly. Really badly. We’d been chatting on a dating site for a while and really liked each other. Flirting off the charts. But we met for coffee and … there was nothing. No spark. Awkward conversation. Neither of us was into it. At all. That was a surprise. But a week or two later I walked past a noisy pub at closing time and heard a song she’d talked about. I texted her to say it had made me think of her. We started chatting again. And flirting again. And arranged to meet again. And on the second date we were like different people. Magnetic attraction. Fancied the pants off each other. Ended up in bed together. And stayed together for months.
She’s on here, somewhere. I saw her pics in the local updates when she signed up.
ANYWAY. My point was that sometimes your expectations can get thrown off by a bad day, as easily as by just being plain wrong. Sometimes you need a second chance. |
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This topic is an interesting one following the face pic thread I interjected with the other day. My point was does the all important face pic really tell one anything about the person. Really attractive but an awful personality. Not great looking but charming and fun….. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I doubt any online profile can properly convey what someone is like, let alone any chemistry meeting in person. That said I’m a lot more animated and generally friendlier in person. Online I’m dead inside. Like, end of the aisle at Aldi dead. Yellow sticker me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I try not to have too many expectations as online can be deceiving. Most of the time people turn out to be as expected or even better in person. I don't judge people on conversation skills anymore because some are just not good with texting but can talk your head off in person. I've also met people who are good conversationalists with banter online but mega dry in person. I also understand that pictures are flattering so I don't expect the bodies to exactly match in person either.
Basically have faith in people that they are who they say they are but also prepare for the worst  |
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By *avinaTVTV/TS
over a year ago
Transsexual Transylvania |
I don't expect anything based on profiles. I'm okay sure anyone meeting me would be pretty underwhelmed, so I don't assume that the profiles of others fully convey what they're like. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Following from a post earlier it had me thinking.
Do you have preconceived perceptions about profiles here? Do you imagine them to be a certain way/type of person via there pics and chats- do they generally meet them expectations in reality?
Have you chatted to people then met them and not matched your expectations?
I have to admit there's people I thought we'd get on amazing with but didn't circumstances and vibe just not there then on the other hand I've seen profiles and thought not for me but met at socials and been very pleasantly surprised.
Have you had any nice surprises meeting people you didn't think you'd click Woh or vice versa?
Apologies for the long thread.
Mrs "
Yes. But also no.
I accept some people are not a person person but still have amazing communication skills by text (or in social media). It’s hard to not perceive what someone would be like, and I always try to meet anyone in person without expectations.  |
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Sometime last month I was travelling and arranged to meet a couple for a drink. They’d posted a status asking for a social, we chatted a bit, we picked a pub and set a time.
I stood there at the bar for three hours (I had nowhere else to be, the pub band were alright, and I was chatting with the barmaid) and they didn’t show.
Or so I thought. Messages from them later that night included a description of their outfits. They’d been stood right next to me but looked *nothing* like their photos. I hadn’t recognised them. Oops. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sometime last month I was travelling and arranged to meet a couple for a drink. They’d posted a status asking for a social, we chatted a bit, we picked a pub and set a time.
I stood there at the bar for three hours (I had nowhere else to be, the pub band were alright, and I was chatting with the barmaid) and they didn’t show.
Or so I thought. Messages from them later that night included a description of their outfits. They’d been stood right next to me but looked *nothing* like their photos. I hadn’t recognised them. Oops."
Did they not recognise you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Did they not recognise you
Apparently not. Which is bizarre, since I literally sent them a selfie from right there in the pub.
Maybe they didn’t even look at it. Who knows?"
Sounds like you both was out catfishing  |
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"A profile just tells me if they're hot and have a sense of humour.
From chatting to them I get a feel if we'd get on and so far I've not been wrong. "
Same here, really. (Can’t believe I’m here agreeing with you, Lilith. Must be bizarro day.)
Profiles only get you so far. Chat gets you a much better feel for someone, either in private or here on the forums. That’s why I like the forums so much. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A profile just tells me if they're hot and have a sense of humour.
From chatting to them I get a feel if we'd get on and so far I've not been wrong.
Same here, really. (Can’t believe I’m here agreeing with you, Lilith. Must be bizarro day.)
Profiles only get you so far. Chat gets you a much better feel for someone, either in private or here on the forums. That’s why I like the forums so much."
Just to even things out I'll disagree with you about chat on the forums. People talk shit on the forums!! Private chat I take more notice of. |
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I think it tells you about their writing skills, confidence, and ability to take pictures. Not necessarily the same thing as who they are. Authenticity is a rare thing indeed, in environments like this. |
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I used to work for a business on the uni campus (old profile), so naturally there were lots of students in my radius. I met quite a few in the union, and some were nothing like their profile or conversation suggested (generally a negative as that is the only criteria I had to go on for meeting them) and some where shy and cute and ended up being proper good laugh. The majority had totally mastered putting their best foot forward on a profile pic, and fair play to 'em |
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"I try not to have too many expectations as online can be deceiving. Most of the time people turn out to be as expected or even better in person. I don't judge people on conversation skills anymore because some are just not good with texting but can talk your head off in person. I've also met people who are good conversationalists with banter online but mega dry in person. I also understand that pictures are flattering so I don't expect the bodies to exactly match in person either.
Basically have faith in people that they are who they say they are but also prepare for the worst "
I like this…. |
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"Just to even things out I'll disagree with you about chat on the forums. People talk shit on the forums!! Private chat I take more notice of. "
Yeah, but I think I think how someone talks shit tells me a lot about them as a person.
A bit of both is the ideal. Show me how you perform in public but show me the real you in private too. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just to even things out I'll disagree with you about chat on the forums. People talk shit on the forums!! Private chat I take more notice of.
Yeah, but I think I think how someone talks shit tells me a lot about them as a person.
A bit of both is the ideal. Show me how you perform in public but show me the real you in private too."
99.9% of guys fail on the forums. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I used to years ago I dont anymore. I remember meeting someone at a local social who I had blocked. In person he was complete different lovely guy. We laugh about it now. |
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
Either we're generally just lucky or we're meeting people who give an accurate portrayal of themselves on here.
Most of our play meets these days are at clubs so we'll be meeting people we've not seen online (or don't realise we have) so there's no pre-concieved notions about them at all. We've then gone to view their profile and sometimes thought that had we'd seen that first we'd never have looked twice, either because their photos didn't do them justice or because their text wouldn't have piqued any interest at first glance. So you can't always base an assessment of someone in real life based on what appears on here.
Others? Well that's different. Spending as much time as I do in here you can't help but build a mental image of some people in your head (whether good, bad or indifferent) that should you cross paths in the outside world you'll always subconsciously be benchmarking them against, like it or not. But again, as experienced at the weekend, we seem to have been lucky. Everyone we met Friday was very much as they portray and act on here - the wit, the warmth and the ability to converse in a very similar manner to that they have online. It seemed like a room full of AI powered autobots, programmed to replicate forum personas exactly.
It was nice. Very nice.
I'd have been well pissed off if any of them had turned out to be dickheads, shattering all those mental perceptions I'd created in my brain, and would have made it difficult to see their posts in here the same way in the future.
A |
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Often been the case we've met people in clubs we've turned out to really like. However when we've got home and seen their fab profile they would have not been for us based on their profile. On the flip of this it has happened where we have bumped into people at a club with a profile we'd really go for but in person they're not for us and not what we expected. But on the whole I think most people just don't do them selves justice on their FAB profiles.
This is why meeting in the real world is king and why we prefer to find our people in clubs rather than online. Profiles and verifications can be handy to some degree but you never get a ture feel for someone online. |
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"I try not to have expectations but I suppose it’s only human nature. We can’t help it and we all do it.
This wasn’t a Fab thing, but I’ll always remember going on a date that went badly. Really badly. We’d been chatting on a dating site for a while and really liked each other. Flirting off the charts. But we met for coffee and … there was nothing. No spark. Awkward conversation. Neither of us was into it. At all. That was a surprise. But a week or two later I walked past a noisy pub at closing time and heard a song she’d talked about. I texted her to say it had made me think of her. We started chatting again. And flirting again. And arranged to meet again. And on the second date we were like different people. Magnetic attraction. Fancied the pants off each other. Ended up in bed together. And stayed together for months.
She’s on here, somewhere. I saw her pics in the local updates when she signed up.
ANYWAY. My point was that sometimes your expectations can get thrown off by a bad day, as easily as by just being plain wrong. Sometimes you need a second chance."
I absolutely totally agree with this a bad day or environment can change the experience so much can't it.
Mrs |
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"Did they not recognise you
Apparently not. Which is bizarre, since I literally sent them a selfie from right there in the pub.
Maybe they didn’t even look at it. Who knows?"
That's crazy they didn't recognise you, they must have looked very different.
Mrs |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just to even things out I'll disagree with you about chat on the forums. People talk shit on the forums!! Private chat I take more notice of. ……"
Who wrote this!! Completely agree with this. |
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Firstly get out of my head
I know exactly what you mean. Profiles are not always the most accurate of things.
Often written to either attract a certain type or to not close down options. When you get to talk to them in person what comes out doesn’t match exactly what their profile says.
This can even come down to personality. I could write a joke bio but actually in real life I’m more serious than funny.
I have rewritten about bio recently to really reflect where we are currently and I do think it’s a good reflection of us as a couple.
Marc |
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"I think it tells you about their writing skills, confidence, and ability to take pictures. Not necessarily the same thing as who they are. Authenticity is a rare thing indeed, in environments like this."
I agree, I am curious how you'd guess someone's confidence through their profile though, it is one of my worries people expect to meet someone confident because of my photos but I'm reality I'm far from it.
I guess it's that worry of disappointing for me.
Mrs |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"ANYWAY. My point was that sometimes your expectations can get thrown off by a bad day, as easily as by just being plain wrong. Sometimes you need a second chance."
Exactly this  sometimes having a bad day can make everything about that day bad!
We’ve definitely been guilty of that and I’m sure most people have at some point whether fab related or not.
Mr |
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"Often been the case we've met people in clubs we've turned out to really like. However when we've got home and seen their fab profile they would have not been for us based on their profile. On the flip of this it has happened where we have bumped into people at a club with a profile we'd really go for but in person they're not for us and not what we expected. But on the whole I think most people just don't do them selves justice on their FAB profiles.
This is why meeting in the real world is king and why we prefer to find our people in clubs rather than online. Profiles and verifications can be handy to some degree but you never get a ture feel for someone online."
This is exactly me, I've met and chatted to people here thinking we'd get along amazing but didn't, I've met people at socials who's profile I wouldn't have looked twice at and had an absolute blast.
Mrs |
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"ANYWAY. My point was that sometimes your expectations can get thrown off by a bad day, as easily as by just being plain wrong. Sometimes you need a second chance.
Exactly this sometimes having a bad day can make everything about that day bad!
We’ve definitely been guilty of that and I’m sure most people have at some point whether fab related or not.
Mr "
Totally with you, I mean look at our crazy packed social, cold, cramped and not fun
I was ready for bed by time I got to pandora
Mrs |
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By *phialtesMan
over a year ago
Beyond the Wall |
I try not to, but its just everyones nature.
You imagine what someone may look like or how they will act and build up a mental picture.
I’ve met some people who I thought I wouldn’t get on with, but have had enjoyable conversations with, and conversely met some people who I felt I would get on with who turned out to be complete muppets. |
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"Often been the case we've met people in clubs we've turned out to really like. However when we've got home and seen their fab profile they would have not been for us based on their profile. On the flip of this it has happened where we have bumped into people at a club with a profile we'd really go for but in person they're not for us and not what we expected. But on the whole I think most people just don't do them selves justice on their FAB profiles.
This is why meeting in the real world is king and why we prefer to find our people in clubs rather than online. Profiles and verifications can be handy to some degree but you never get a ture feel for someone online."
I've met some people in person who've been delightful and charming, but have displayed some horrific views online. I prefer to see both sides. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This is something I actually really worry about.
I think chatting is lovely but I panic that they maybe build me up too much and then I'm a let down.
A few years ago that would have stopped me meeting.
This very thing happened a few months ago. I'd been chatting on and off with someone on my old profile and then again when I signed back up. The back and forth and flirtation was great. We met socially and got on like a house on fire but I wasn't sure if there was anything else and he made no moves so assumed that was it.
Met again and it was awful, probably for both of us. Thankfully it was just another social.
Usually I'd prefer to meet sooner rather than later.
I don't have any expectations of anyone but I do hope we get along and obviously we all want the mutual attraction and a bit of chemistry.
I don't think anyone has met me in person and thought I'm all that different from my profile, but obviously you just never know
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"ANYWAY. My point was that sometimes your expectations can get thrown off by a bad day, as easily as by just being plain wrong. Sometimes you need a second chance.
Exactly this sometimes having a bad day can make everything about that day bad!
We’ve definitely been guilty of that and I’m sure most people have at some point whether fab related or not.
Mr
Totally with you, I mean look at our crazy packed social, cold, cramped and not fun
I was ready for bed by time I got to pandora
Mrs "
Yeah exactly! It’s easy to let something like that throw everyone off. Throw nerves in there and it literally is a disaster waiting to happen 
Mr |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Let's not forget this os the Internet!! Take everything with a pinch of salt. Its just a little bit of fantasy and you cant take it all seriously...nothing will replace the "real" world as they say.. |
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"ANYWAY. My point was that sometimes your expectations can get thrown off by a bad day, as easily as by just being plain wrong. Sometimes you need a second chance.
Exactly this sometimes having a bad day can make everything about that day bad!
We’ve definitely been guilty of that and I’m sure most people have at some point whether fab related or not.
Mr
Totally with you, I mean look at our crazy packed social, cold, cramped and not fun
I was ready for bed by time I got to pandora
Mrs
Yeah exactly! It’s easy to let something like that throw everyone off. Throw nerves in there and it literally is a disaster waiting to happen
Mr "
I did feel for you guys, your 1st social too, we we're lucky we kind of clung on to a great little bunch of people but from not being able to move to freezing I was done, I do want to try the club again but not after having a bad night next time
Mrs |
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I think my expectations are always so low about people I am meeting and it not going well, that I find I am normally very pleasantly surprised when I meet people
I always assume they will hate me, absolutely never happened. Always worried there will be no chemistry or no conversation, that has hardly ever happened.
Only had one really really bad date where I wanted to leave as soon as I got there and regretted agreeing to it but it wasn't someone from fab, and he had kinda catfished me with looks AND personality. If I had known he thought the black lives matter movement were terrorist and would laugh at me for being leftwing I would have blocked him let alone met him  and he wanted to see me again after  no thanks |
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"This is something I actually really worry about.
I think chatting is lovely but I panic that they maybe build me up too much and then I'm a let down.
A few years ago that would have stopped me meeting.
This very thing happened a few months ago. I'd been chatting on and off with someone on my old profile and then again when I signed back up. The back and forth and flirtation was great. We met socially and got on like a house on fire but I wasn't sure if there was anything else and he made no moves so assumed that was it.
Met again and it was awful, probably for both of us. Thankfully it was just another social.
Usually I'd prefer to meet sooner rather than later.
I don't have any expectations of anyone but I do hope we get along and obviously we all want the mutual attraction and a bit of chemistry.
I don't think anyone has met me in person and thought I'm all that different from my profile, but obviously you just never know
"
I know what you mean, I do have that worry too that people build me up to be something I'm not.
It always leaves me a little anxious.
Mrs |
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"I think my expectations are always so low about people I am meeting and it not going well, that I find I am normally very pleasantly surprised when I meet people
I always assume they will hate me, absolutely never happened. Always worried there will be no chemistry or no conversation, that has hardly ever happened.
Only had one really really bad date where I wanted to leave as soon as I got there and regretted agreeing to it but it wasn't someone from fab, and he had kinda catfished me with looks AND personality. If I had known he thought the black lives matter movement were terrorist and would laugh at me for being leftwing I would have blocked him let alone met him and he wanted to see me again after no thanks"
Mmm. Fuck all of that. There are certain views that slam my knees shut. |
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"I think my expectations are always so low about people I am meeting and it not going well, that I find I am normally very pleasantly surprised when I meet people
I always assume they will hate me, absolutely never happened. Always worried there will be no chemistry or no conversation, that has hardly ever happened.
Only had one really really bad date where I wanted to leave as soon as I got there and regretted agreeing to it but it wasn't someone from fab, and he had kinda catfished me with looks AND personality. If I had known he thought the black lives matter movement were terrorist and would laugh at me for being leftwing I would have blocked him let alone met him and he wanted to see me again after no thanks
Mmm. Fuck all of that. There are certain views that slam my knees shut."
Absolutely. Like, it's good to interact with people with a variety of views and you don't want to live in an echo chamber. But equally there's just some things you can't overlook and being a right wing racist is one of them |
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"Either we're generally just lucky or we're meeting people who give an accurate portrayal of themselves on here.
Most of our play meets these days are at clubs so we'll be meeting people we've not seen online (or don't realise we have) so there's no pre-concieved notions about them at all. We've then gone to view their profile and sometimes thought that had we'd seen that first we'd never have looked twice, either because their photos didn't do them justice or because their text wouldn't have piqued any interest at first glance. So you can't always base an assessment of someone in real life based on what appears on here.
Others? Well that's different. Spending as much time as I do in here you can't help but build a mental image of some people in your head (whether good, bad or indifferent) that should you cross paths in the outside world you'll always subconsciously be benchmarking them against, like it or not. But again, as experienced at the weekend, we seem to have been lucky. Everyone we met Friday was very much as they portray and act on here - the wit, the warmth and the ability to converse in a very similar manner to that they have online. It seemed like a room full of AI powered autobots, programmed to replicate forum personas exactly.
It was nice. Very nice.
I'd have been well pissed off if any of them had turned out to be dickheads, shattering all those mental perceptions I'd created in my brain, and would have made it difficult to see their posts in here the same way in the future.
A"
Phew!  I wish we'd had longer to chat - I couldn't find you again x |
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"Either we're generally just lucky or we're meeting people who give an accurate portrayal of themselves on here.
Most of our play meets these days are at clubs so we'll be meeting people we've not seen online (or don't realise we have) so there's no pre-concieved notions about them at all. We've then gone to view their profile and sometimes thought that had we'd seen that first we'd never have looked twice, either because their photos didn't do them justice or because their text wouldn't have piqued any interest at first glance. So you can't always base an assessment of someone in real life based on what appears on here.
Others? Well that's different. Spending as much time as I do in here you can't help but build a mental image of some people in your head (whether good, bad or indifferent) that should you cross paths in the outside world you'll always subconsciously be benchmarking them against, like it or not. But again, as experienced at the weekend, we seem to have been lucky. Everyone we met Friday was very much as they portray and act on here - the wit, the warmth and the ability to converse in a very similar manner to that they have online. It seemed like a room full of AI powered autobots, programmed to replicate forum personas exactly.
It was nice. Very nice.
I'd have been well pissed off if any of them had turned out to be dickheads, shattering all those mental perceptions I'd created in my brain, and would have made it difficult to see their posts in here the same way in the future.
A
Phew! I wish we'd had longer to chat - I couldn't find you again x"
I WANT THAT BUM SQUEEZE!!!  *angryfacememe*
A |
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"I think my expectations are always so low about people I am meeting and it not going well, that I find I am normally very pleasantly surprised when I meet people
I always assume they will hate me, absolutely never happened. Always worried there will be no chemistry or no conversation, that has hardly ever happened.
Only had one really really bad date where I wanted to leave as soon as I got there and regretted agreeing to it but it wasn't someone from fab, and he had kinda catfished me with looks AND personality. If I had known he thought the black lives matter movement were terrorist and would laugh at me for being leftwing I would have blocked him let alone met him and he wanted to see me again after no thanks
Mmm. Fuck all of that. There are certain views that slam my knees shut.
Absolutely. Like, it's good to interact with people with a variety of views and you don't want to live in an echo chamber. But equally there's just some things you can't overlook and being a right wing racist is one of them "
Yeah. I don't want to live in an echo chamber, but I want to like the people I fuck. Personal preference, innit. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You only see what I and every other person on here wants you to see.
You can get a pretty good gauge from what they look like and what they type.
However, they might not tell you they haven't cut their toe nails for 10 years or that their favourite aftershave is Odor Le Bluecheese.
You have to take everything on here with a pinch of salt.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's like reading a book. The author describes the character and in your head you picture them. But the reality is that what you picture is nothing like the authors picture at all. Or the next readers.
I try to gauge people from their conversations and profile, pictures and bio but normally they are very different in person.
I do like to talk to someone on the phone which generally helps but even then so much is still lost until you meet them face to face.
So I must be very different to others face to face by the same rationale. I like to think I'm me in the forums and my profile but I guess I'm really not what you'd imagine and get.
Which might be a good thing. Or a disappointment. Who knows.
I e meet people I click cked with completely on the phone etc, but the second I've seen them in person I've thought that's a definite no.
Others where I'm way off and there's just no chemistry and others where I have been surprised and they are even better in ways I had even contemplated.
It's such. Mixed bag, you never can tell. |
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By *aizyWoman
over a year ago
west midlands |
"A profile just tells me if they're hot and have a sense of humour.
From chatting to them I get a feel if we'd get on and so far I've not been wrong. "
Yes this is the same for me too. |
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We generally only chat to the profiles who have made an effort in terms of wording/and or pics.
We feel that we’d get on better with people who have made some effort with either.
We are looking to make friendships and connections with likeminded people.
We’ve met a couple of people who don’t have pics but have supplied some straight away and come across really well in their chat but they also had a decent profile.
I think you can tell whether someone’s going to be a good connection. If there’s nothing about them in messages or profile then there’s nothing to work off.
K |
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It's interesting meeting fourumites at socials, as there is a sense of comparison, to their online persona vs face to face persona. I've had some pleasant surprises and some yeah we won't get on surprises  |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
I always like to meet for a social because I know I’d not be what they were expecting.
For a start I’m actually very shy and quiet - I mean don’t get me wrong I can be a hilarious gobby cow, but I’d have to spend weeks and weeks with someone for that side of me to feel comfortable enough to make an appearance.
The amount of times I tell folk this and they think I’m just being modest - but no, I really am a quiet gal, and I’m self consciously aware of that, which makes it worse.
So I like to meet folk first so they know what they’re in for.
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"I always like to meet for a social because I know I’d not be what they were expecting.
For a start I’m actually very shy and quiet - I mean don’t get me wrong I can be a hilarious gobby cow, but I’d have to spend weeks and weeks with someone for that side of me to feel comfortable enough to make an appearance.
The amount of times I tell folk this and they think I’m just being modest - but no, I really am a quiet gal, and I’m self consciously aware of that, which makes it worse.
So I like to meet folk first so they know what they’re in for.
"
And have beautiful eyes  |
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By *r_PinkMan
over a year ago
london stratford |
If written with honesty, It gives you a glimpse to who they are but you need to meet them (on more then one occupation) to really get to know them.
This is true to anyone in life I guess. |
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