FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Who takes rejection well?
Who takes rejection well?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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You’ve asked ‘fancy a smooch? Because I fancy getting your sexy ass into my bed!’
And they’ve said no.
Are you polite with the way you receive the knock back?
Or what experiences have you had when you have to let someone’s expectations down?
*Because Id like to think we are all all right with it. To the point, if I’m rejected, I’m actually alright with it. … although I will ask over and over and over again until I wear her down  |
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If I've missed his uninterested signs then I am apologetic and we leave it positively 
I've taken to turning my head for a cheek kiss when they lunge in for a uninvited snog, I like this approach over aggression as they are normally mortified, that they read me wrong and a cheek kiss saves embarrassment all round |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If I've missed his uninterested signs then I am apologetic and we leave it positively
I've taken to turning my head for a cheek kiss when they lunge in for a uninvited snog, I like this approach over aggression as they are normally mortified, that they read me wrong and a cheek kiss saves embarrassment all round "
Tactful. This is good,  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't think anyone takes it particularly well, it's not a nice feeling. This is why I rarely approach people at the clubs because even the thought of them saying no thank you is absolutely mortifying. Most of the world is visual so its natural to take it personally. I think overall its not going to end my world but it would bring out insecurities for sure. |
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"The older I get the easier it is to deal with, if someone says no then I just move on. I wish I’d had that mindset 35 years ago! "
It is a hard mindset that some never reach, accepting that we can't be found attractive to all, is a huge part of it and helps you find the people, who are mutually attracted to you |
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"The older I get the easier it is to deal with, if someone says no then I just move on. I wish I’d had that mindset 35 years ago!
It is a hard mindset that some never reach, accepting that we can't be found attractive to all, is a huge part of it and helps you find the people, who are mutually attracted to you "
I do think that there’s a certain arrogance about some guys who are so cocksure about their attractiveness etc. They deal with rejection by slagging the other person off which is never a good thing.
I take the view that the laws of attraction and the rules of probability mean that we can’t all fancy every person that we meet and there will be plenty of “no thank yous”. How the individual deals with that rejection is a very good barometer of how they are as a person. |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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"I always take a small soft teddy bear with me on my dates. At least there's something for me to cuddle with on the journey home on the Rejection Express."
This is such an adorable image! 
I've not really faced it before Op. I think as long as someone was direct, I wouldn't mind. |
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By *lan157Man
over a year ago
a village near Haywards Heath in East Sussex |
One can be rejected by someone you have only just met or propositioned or you can be rejected by someone you have known and played with for some time or on several occasions. Their reasons,if shared, might be valid and reasonable however the latter rejection is much harder to swallow but swallow it we must. |
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"I always take a small soft teddy bear with me on my dates. At least there's something for me to cuddle with on the journey home on the Rejection Express.
·
This is such an adorable image!
I've not really faced it before Op. I think as long as someone was direct, I wouldn't mind."
•
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We haven't approached people on here so never had to deal with rejection, although it would be totally fine with us.
People who we have rejected have mostly been understanding, there's just a few locals that have become angry and abusive. |
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I've never really been on the receiving end on here because I don't have those type of conversations so I've never had to react.
On the flip side though I'm very fussy who I get naked with and as such I've said thanks but no thanks twice as often as I've said yes.
In general the reaction has been polite but some have come back with the old "do you not know who I/we am/are?"
In one case a woman didn't accept that I had no interest in meeting her so she took it upon herself to contact my fab bestie and tell her to back off and stop holding me back.
When she was told to feck off she then resorted to body shaming. |
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I'm not sure it depends on the situation, if it's a general not chatted and a your not for us then that's fine, I don't even think about it.
If you've been chatting and then a change of mind I guess there's that element of did I do or say something wrong but overall it doesn't bother me.
I have recently plucked up the courage to ask out a couple for the first time they've not been online since..... maybe I've scared them off fab all together
Mrs  |
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I would wrestle them and take my jaffa cakes back..no woman gets a jaffa cake off me without a snog so … yes I may seem harsh but … no snog - no jaffas …. They’re the rules!!
Im actually pretty used to no thanks on here and I don’t take that to heart it is what it is. In person I dont think its happened because im pretty good at reading if there’s a spark and wouldnt put the person in the position of trying to kiss them when it’s obvious thats not wanted. Its worked So far anyway |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"…..
I have recently plucked up the courage to ask out a couple for the first time they've not been online since..... maybe I've scared them off fab all together
Mrs "
Plucking up the courage is so difficult sometimes, and it shouldn’t be. I hope that works out well.  |
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"The older I get the easier it is to deal with, if someone says no then I just move on. I wish I’d had that mindset 35 years ago!
It is a hard mindset that some never reach, accepting that we can't be found attractive to all, is a huge part of it and helps you find the people, who are mutually attracted to you
I do think that there’s a certain arrogance about some guys who are so cocksure about their attractiveness etc. They deal with rejection by slagging the other person off which is never a good thing."
Some women are the same
"I take the view that the laws of attraction and the rules of probability mean that we can’t all fancy every person that we meet and there will be plenty of “no thank yous”. How the individual deals with that rejection is a very good barometer of how they are as a person."
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I don't see it as a rejection. I see it as a incompatibility thing. There is nothing wrong with me I'm enough , we just like what we like. If I get "rejected" I would just say OK and thats it really. |
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I take it well, it really doesn't matter at the end of the day if someone doesn’t find me attractive as most of us have had to turn people down because there's no attraction.
I've never had anyone get rude when I've said I'm not attracted to them either, people in general are usually understanding |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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"I've never had anyone get rude when I've said I'm not attracted to them either, people in general are usually understanding "
Yes, I've not really received any negativity when I've declined an advance before. Sometimes it can be a bit awkward if in person/with a friend but I've never faced abuse on here like others have. |
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We prefer to think this… instead of saying “no thanks”, if they had asked if you were into something that you are not, you’d be saying “no thanks” to them, so who’s now rejecting whom? Who said it first doesn’t matter and nor should it affect your mood.
So we don’t take a “no thanks” in this life as a “rejection” rather an “incompatibility”.
There are so many reasons someone may not wish to take things more intimate with us, or us with them.
They maybe looking for someone who has a specific trait, dynamic, or kink or likes to wear pink fluffy dice for earrings. - we don’t like pink fluffy dice earrings, so we’d be incompatible xx
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"On fab, I get a lot of why I said no?"
I never understood why guys do that - it’s a little pathetic like if they ask you you might think oh no… I actually meant yea i do want to get naked with you. A no is a no as is no answer… the issue as someone else has mentioned before is guys getting abusive when they get told no - thats a worrying character trait!! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I have a 10/10 success rate of guys brushing me off, and not in a good way.
Its just bloody rude I tell you!!!
I regret it, …..
Fancy a smooch? "
Why haven’t you replied??? F’kin timewaster!!!
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It’s not a nice feeling, nobody can say they’re truly ‘ok’ with it, but it’s life, and we have to move on. Just hope there’s another shiny pebble on the beach very soon 
It’s very easy for someone to not like the photos you send in here, as it’s not easy to send fantastic pics sometimes, especially face pics! It feels much less personal, and far too easy to reject/be rejected in here, as the other person isn’t right in front of you. This is one reason I like to take part in ‘Face Pic Friday’ in the forum, as you can ‘test drive’ face pics with people miles away…..
I have turned ladies down, even while sat in their front room, with sex on a plate, but just no attraction for me. Same on social meets, and also in clubs. I think the clubs rejections were harder on the ladies though, as you’re still in the same building, but you didn’t want her…. Easier to walk in different directions from a social, or leave her house… |
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I've never approached someone in real life to avoid this exact thing. On here however,the first few times felt proper shit and made me a bit self conscious.
I also don't like rejecting people on here, especially if we've been chatting. The thought of hurting someone's feelings is horrible but had to be done. Some people are great and take it really well ,while other's will abuse the life out of you 
Em x |
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I once messaged a woman on here a few times, the messages were light and we were getting on until she sent her photo. I replied it’s been nice messaging but you are not for me.
She got upset and kept asking what was the problem. Eventually I had to say it “I don’t find you attractive”.
She then really lost it and had to be blocked.
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By *ruceyyMan
over a year ago
London |
I don't mind it and respect it...
UNTIL it's my face alone that makes them go 'nahhh'. That does hurt and there's no sugar coating it cause it really isn't that bad! But yeah from profile and message alone a quick rejection is fine, it's when they really make out you're so funny and such a good body but THAT FACE sorry byeee.
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As I’ve matured I’ve got over many of my insecurities which led to me fearing rejection, this manifested itself in shyness and not risking rejection, or the clown who just hoped people would like me and come to me.
Nowadays I’m happy with myself, in fact the best way to deal with rejection is to be accepting of yourself.
In short, in the past I avoided opportunities that could lead to rejection, nowadays I understand that if I am to be rejected it is for the right reasons.
On another slant, Donald Trump and Boris Johnson, they handle it well don’t they.  |
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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago
Derry |
"I don't mind it and respect it...
UNTIL it's my face alone that makes them go 'nahhh'. That does hurt and there's no sugar coating it cause it really isn't that bad! But yeah from profile and message alone a quick rejection is fine, it's when they really make out you're so funny and such a good body but THAT FACE sorry byeee.
"
buthisface |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I just delete & block if my message has been deleted or aired after a certain amount of time. U gotta use this site like its your full time job to even get meets on here |
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I would take face to face rejection a lot more personally than rejection from messaging somebody, with messages you can still ponder why but then just delete where as face to face you have to try to mask your feelings. I suppose it also depends whom the face to face is with, friend, colleague or somebody you just met….
Separately I’m surprised by the amount of posters that worry about approaching people or asking people for meets as worried about rejection as to me they seem gorgeous and could have anybody they choose…. |
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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago
London |
I never have expectations that there will be a yes, so I always ask in a way that I have framed an easy out for them, and I’m absolutely fine with it when it comes - when it’s a yes, it’s just a lovely bonus. |
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"I never have expectations that there will be a yes, so I always ask in a way that I have framed an easy out for them, and I’m absolutely fine with it when it comes - when it’s a yes, it’s just a lovely bonus. "
Your a very thoughtful person it seems.. |
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My experience is probably more weighted the other way. Primarily, due to being demi-sexual, it can often take a lot of time getting to know someone before sexual attraction occurs for me.
Most women understand that, but negative and abusive responses have not been uncommon.
I've been punched,
Told I am not a real man, cocky bastard, gay (not that it's an insult, but it was intended as one)
Spat at.
Sometimes rejection hurts. Life isn't all sunshine and rainbows. I don't mind someone blowing off steam, we are all human, but abuse and assault, I draw the line there. |
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I've had abuse and insistent messages when I've said no thanks on here. At a social, if there's no attraction on my part, I just hope they don't ask to meet me again during the meet. If they do, I find it really hard to reject someone face to face, so just say message me. When they do I then tell them that I didn't feel any attraction. |
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"If I've missed his uninterested signs then I am apologetic and we leave it positively
I've taken to turning my head for a cheek kiss when they lunge in for a uninvited snog, I like this approach over aggression as they are normally mortified, that they read me wrong and a cheek kiss saves embarrassment all round "
Did someone misread the vibe?
If i am unsure, i normally ask if its okay.
If not, its all goood |
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Bruce jogged my memory of when something similar happened and I received a face pic from a woman and i thought Nope - I don’t find her attractive and replied Thanks for the pic but sorry you’re not my type. A message i have received umpteen times from women and been perfectly ok with it they’ve answered and thats cool - apparently not always as well received in reverse. I got called all kinds the most repeatable if which was shallow…… its not nice to say no to someone as the giver …. But to have the good grace to accept it as the recipient …. Certainly helps. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You’ve asked ‘fancy a smooch? Because I fancy getting your sexy ass into my bed!’
And they’ve said no.
Are you polite with the way you receive the knock back?
Or what experiences have you had when you have to let someone’s expectations down?
*Because Id like to think we are all all right with it. To the point, if I’m rejected, I’m actually alright with it. … although I will ask over and over and over again until I wear her down "
Firstly I wouldn't ever ask that. That's way too forward for me. I'm also quite crap at first moves.
I've sent my face pic and then not been replied to again or just plain blocked. Yes that smarts a little bit. I always think Christ am I that bad? Me issue though, but I never reply to them.
If someone stops talking I can occasionally find myself asking if the if I wasn't their cup of tea. And if they say no then I reply back with an ok and wish them well on fab etc while feeling a bit crap about myself. It puts me off trying with anyone else for a bit.
However, turning someone down, I absolutely hate doing that. Especially when they come back and ask me why. On messages I may block quite quickly. When I've had a social with someone and have to do it, it is the absolute worst. The last thing I want to do is say something negative that I know they won't like and may stick in their head. It's just horrible. Saying I didn't feel the chemistry and then being asked why is awkward as fuck. I hate letting people down,but if I'm not feeling it,I'm just not feeling it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think we take it pretty well! Just a thanks for letting us know and we move on
Mr "
Exactly, you’re not going to be everyone’s cup of tea, being able to accept that gracefully is important. Be polite and move on,. |
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By *phialtesMan
over a year ago
Beyond the Wall |
I can take rejection well.
Its their loss not mine. They don’t know how good it could have been. Are you sure its a no? I can treat you right. Take you places and give you the night of your life. Why not? Why? Answer me! Fat cunt, I never wanted to meat you in the first place! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I can take rejection well.
Its their loss not mine. They don’t know how good it could have been. Are you sure its a no? I can treat you right. Take you places and give you the night of your life. Why not? Why? Answer me! Fat cunt, I never wanted to meat you in the first place!"
Perfect!! Lol |
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"You’ve asked ‘fancy a smooch? Because I fancy getting your sexy ass into my bed!’
And they’ve said no.
Are you polite with the way you receive the knock back?
Or what experiences have you had when you have to let someone’s expectations down?
*Because Id like to think we are all all right with it. To the point, if I’m rejected, I’m actually alright with it. … although I will ask over and over and over again until I wear her down
Firstly I wouldn't ever ask that. That's way too forward for me. I'm also quite crap at first moves.
I've sent my face pic and then not been replied to again or just plain blocked. Yes that smarts a little bit. I always think Christ am I that bad? Me issue though, but I never reply to them.
If someone stops talking I can occasionally find myself asking if the if I wasn't their cup of tea. And if they say no then I reply back with an ok and wish them well on fab etc while feeling a bit crap about myself. It puts me off trying with anyone else for a bit.
However, turning someone down, I absolutely hate doing that. Especially when they come back and ask me why. On messages I may block quite quickly. When I've had a social with someone and have to do it, it is the absolute worst. The last thing I want to do is say something negative that I know they won't like and may stick in their head. It's just horrible. Saying I didn't feel the chemistry and then being asked why is awkward as fuck. I hate letting people down,but if I'm not feeling it,I'm just not feeling it. "
As long as you’re polite and clear I don’t see that you have any other responsibility - any issue the recipient has is their issue xx Its good that you don’t like doing it as shows you’re empathetic. |
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"I can take rejection well.
Its their loss not mine. They don’t know how good it could have been. Are you sure its a no? I can treat you right. Take you places and give you the night of your life. Why not? Why? Answer me! Fat cunt, I never wanted to meat you in the first place!"
My new copy & paste first message template!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It doesn’t bother me that much. If it’s someone I really liked then I might feel a little hurt for a while but that’s my issue not theirs and I wouldn’t make them feel guilty about it. You can’t force something that isn’t there, I’d rather know so that I could move on. |
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By *avinaTVTV/TS
over a year ago
Transsexual Transylvania |
I'm invariably the askee, not the asker, so I don't get rejected much. But if I do, I make sure to log off before I go and sit in the loo and have a cry. Also, wet wipes, I hate it when mascara runs. |
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Rejection is a natural part of life, there's billions of people in this world, plenty of them are going to think you look like a troll, but plenty of them would give a finger to spend a night with you. Once you realise you're not for everyone and everyone's not for you, rejection is easy to take. |
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I think I've only once had a guy say no to a kiss, not from here. And he turned out to be a right weirdo, so it was a blessing!
Not sure I've had to say no thanks in person before... I think it would be quite clear from my body language that I wasn't interested. |
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"You’ve asked ‘fancy a smooch? Because I fancy getting your sexy ass into my bed!’
And they’ve said no.
Are you polite with the way you receive the knock back?
Or what experiences have you had when you have to let someone’s expectations down?
*Because Id like to think we are all all right with it. To the point, if I’m rejected, I’m actually alright with it. … although I will ask over and over and over again until I wear her down
Firstly I wouldn't ever ask that. That's way too forward for me. I'm also quite crap at first moves.
I've sent my face pic and then not been replied to again or just plain blocked. Yes that smarts a little bit. I always think Christ am I that bad? Me issue though, but I never reply to them.
If someone stops talking I can occasionally find myself asking if the if I wasn't their cup of tea. And if they say no then I reply back with an ok and wish them well on fab etc while feeling a bit crap about myself. It puts me off trying with anyone else for a bit.
However, turning someone down, I absolutely hate doing that. Especially when they come back and ask me why. On messages I may block quite quickly. When I've had a social with someone and have to do it, it is the absolute worst. The last thing I want to do is say something negative that I know they won't like and may stick in their head. It's just horrible. Saying I didn't feel the chemistry and then being asked why is awkward as fuck. I hate letting people down,but if I'm not feeling it,I'm just not feeling it. "
This could be me in female form!!
Your also in the bracket of my earlier post and some threads are eye openers…. |
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By *eyeYCouple
over a year ago
Nr Leicester |
Always a little deflating, but we have each other and don't 'need' anyone else..
That said we've had it when one half of a couple were obviously keen and the other wasn't.. That was confusing |
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Frankly, anyone who doesn’t want a piece of this is just weird anyway, so a lucky escape for me!
I’ve spent my entire life feeling totally insecure about my face, body and personality. But I’m now at a point where, whilst I retain those insecurities, I don’t let it affect my decision making. So if I fancy someone, I’ll ask them out. I mean, probably not outright to a stranger because I usually try for some sort of connection, however tenuous.
Obviously doing that gets me knocked back a lot. I’ve found a way of being okay with it - probably because I expect it - so am mentally prepared going in. I usually just shrug it off or make a joke of it and that’s because I recognise I’m not for everyone, whether that’s physically, through personality or some other lack of compatibility. I’d never give someone a hard time because there are so many potential reasons.
Given the above, I’ve surprised myself on fab by having to knock people back due to a lack of attraction or compatibility. It felt horrible because some of them are fantastic people and I’m still not comfortable with doing it, but I try to be as tactful and respectful as I can.
I feel like I’ve waffles endlessly and not answered the question!! Anyone - true fab gem here. Come and get a piece of bliss |
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"Frankly, anyone who doesn’t want a piece of this is just weird anyway, so a lucky escape for me!
I’ve spent my entire life feeling totally insecure about my face, body and personality. But I’m now at a point where, whilst I retain those insecurities, I don’t let it affect my decision making. So if I fancy someone, I’ll ask them out. I mean, probably not outright to a stranger because I usually try for some sort of connection, however tenuous.
Obviously doing that gets me knocked back a lot. I’ve found a way of being okay with it - probably because I expect it - so am mentally prepared going in. I usually just shrug it off or make a joke of it and that’s because I recognise I’m not for everyone, whether that’s physically, through personality or some other lack of compatibility. I’d never give someone a hard time because there are so many potential reasons.
Given the above, I’ve surprised myself on fab by having to knock people back due to a lack of attraction or compatibility. It felt horrible because some of them are fantastic people and I’m still not comfortable with doing it, but I try to be as tactful and respectful as I can.
I feel like I’ve waffles endlessly and not answered the question!! Anyone - true fab gem here. Come and get a piece of bliss "
Too scared of getting knocked back  |
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When I was younger I would really ponder negatively over being rejected. Id question my value and worth.
But as I've got older, it doesn't last long and I move on a lot quicker. I think you start to become resilient.
Also you're more self aware and know that not everyone will find you attractive.
Ultimately no one likes rejection, but regret on the other hand, thats hard one to deal with. |
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I’m used to it and as long as people are honest about why it is I can accept and move on. It’s when you get strung along or are dishonest as to why they are rejecting me I get annoyed about and take it hard xx |
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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Travelling |
Not sure how to answer that.
It sucks, it hurts and it's not nice, especially when it's rejection after rejection (I don't just mean fab). It chips away at confidence, even when you get other compliments, the rejection does it's damage.
That said I don't show that it hurts, I don't lash out or make a show of it. I understand not everyone is for everyone, but that does not change how the rejection makes me feel.
I don't hold any grudge or resentment for rejection, but to say it does not affect me and cause an impact is incorrect. |
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Unfortunately, being turned down, overlooked or ghosted is part and parcel of life. Sadly these things do happen, but all we can do is brush it aside and continue to move forward with a positive mindset. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I know I'm like the top 100 ugliest guys on here but even uglier men then me get women so thats why I dont take things too heart when it comes to rejection"
Erm,your gorgeous not in the least bit ugly |
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On fab I'm unfazed. I send a message and then do something else and don't think about it anymore. If they reply then great if not then oh well.
In real life, I can be very sensitive to rejection. I wont lash out or blame anyone but I will internalise it deeply. |
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I know i handle rejection from ladies well - i often seem to ask gay ladies to meet and obviously they turn me down - they don’t say their gay but the fact that they say they ‘you’re nit my type!!’ Is the giveaway - any ladies reading this that check my profile and don’t want me on the spot - you might want to consider rewriting your profile… sexuality - definitely full on gay!! Just saying |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I have a 10/10 success rate of guys brushing me off, and not in a good way.
Its just bloody rude I tell you!!!"
You look nice.
Fancy a smooch?
* Come on. I’ve been waiting all day to post this!!! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I take it well and just congratulate them on their good judgement.
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Haha. In someways I also do feel happier for them… like -Yeh, you’ve probably just dodged a bullet. |
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I got rejected just last night. There is a short period of what did I say /do? But then I remember I will be getting the life fucked out of me today by my wonderful fuck buddies so glad and excited! I only want to spend time with people who really and truly want to spend time with me |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm fine with rejection not like I don't get any as im also part of a couple on here we both play solo too. Long as they are not rude ill say happy fabbing Delete their message and block them so they don't come up on my search next time. |
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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago
Derry |
Fab rejections don't phase me. In real life it's a thing that's going to happen. When I was younger I definitely took it worse. But I think we were clumsier about it. Now at worst it's a temporary sting, and then over it. A plus of ageing.
Two times I can think when I did reject someone didn't go well. That was difficult because I did like them but it wasn't right. Felt bad doing that.
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