FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Aggressive profiles.
Aggressive profiles.
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"Having just joined fab again I’ve seen quite a few (normally female) profiles which is just a list of everything you need to do to be blocked by them. Is anyone else completely put off by these sort of profiles? " Its just their frustration coming out but the guys that send the messages you're referring to in the profile rants don't read profiles anyways  | |||
"Having just joined fab again I’ve seen quite a few (normally female) profiles which is just a list of everything you need to do to be blocked by them. Is anyone else completely put off by these sort of profiles? Its just their frustration coming out but the guys that send the messages you're referring to in the profile rants don't read profiles anyways "Im sure that’s true.  | |||
"Yep ... high demanding females just so last year "I agree. | |||
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"They are just worn down by all the bs" But could they be missing all the good people out there who are put off by their profile? | |||
"Having just joined fab again I’ve seen quite a few (normally female) profiles which is just a list of everything you need to do to be blocked by them. Is anyone else completely put off by these sort of profiles? " Nope. If a profile puts things up that we're not then it's a clear indication we're not compatible. So we block them and move on to so.eone we are. List, guidelines, preferences....whatever you want to call them. They're a great tool. People only seem to get angsty about them when they don't meet said criteria of course. Nobody ever complains when these lists actually match them. 
A | |||
"Having just joined fab again I’ve seen quite a few (normally female) profiles which is just a list of everything you need to do to be blocked by them. Is anyone else completely put off by these sort of profiles? Nope. If a profile puts things up that we're not then it's a clear indication we're not compatible. So we block them and move on to so.eone we are. List, guidelines, preferences....whatever you want to call them. They're a great tool. People only seem to get angsty about them when they don't meet said criteria of course. Nobody ever complains when these lists actually match them.
A"I suppose different people read them differently. I see them as a aggy person I would never want to meet. | |||
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"Having just joined fab again I’ve seen quite a few (normally female) profiles which is just a list of everything you need to do to be blocked by them. Is anyone else completely put off by these sort of profiles? Nope. If a profile puts things up that we're not then it's a clear indication we're not compatible. So we block them and move on to so.eone we are. List, guidelines, preferences....whatever you want to call them. They're a great tool. People only seem to get angsty about them when they don't meet said criteria of course. Nobody ever complains when these lists actually match them.
A
I suppose different people read them differently. I see them as a aggy person I would never want to meet. "Then the profile has served its purpose. They're not 'missing out' on meeting anyone. They're being specific about who they want to meet. A | |||
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"Having just joined fab again I’ve seen quite a few (normally female) profiles which is just a list of everything you need to do to be blocked by them. Is anyone else completely put off by these sort of profiles? " That’s kinda the point  | |||
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"I have seen profiles that list a lot of "don't want this, don't want that", which is fine, it's their profile to write as they choose. But I agree that too many negative phrases in a profile is offputting, even if you get past that and are compatible. Too much negative wording in a profile suggests a negative person. " I agree. A genuine person that is interested in you will read your profile, why would you not. Non genuine people never read a profile so for this reason an aggressive profile is only putting the genuine people off. It’s a lose lose situation. | |||
"I could quite easily write one myself like that. And actually mine is a bit ranty at present due to flakey men and being messed about and deliberately done to put people off trying. I completely understand why women get so fed up and end up spelling it out on what they don't want! Doesn't work though if I'm honest. " It doesn’t work because only genuine people read a profile. | |||
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"I’m not turned off by the fact their profiles are a long list of things that will get you blocked or ignored by them. But I don’t ever message them because they usually are looking for things I’m not. " I wouldn’t call them aggressive though | |||
"I've tried to rewrite ours to be as placid as possible, whilst still including all the bits I think are important! "That’s definitely the way to go. | |||
"I have seen profiles that list a lot of "don't want this, don't want that", which is fine, it's their profile to write as they choose. But I agree that too many negative phrases in a profile is offputting, even if you get past that and are compatible. Too much negative wording in a profile suggests a negative person. I agree. A genuine person that is interested in you will read your profile, why would you not. Non genuine people never read a profile so for this reason an aggressive profile is only putting the genuine people off. It’s a lose lose situation. " You keep saying 'aggressive'. In 15 years on here I've seen very few profiles I'd describe as aggressive in any way, but I've seen a lot of forum threads (mainly from men) describing profiles as such. A list describing what people want or don't want isn't aggressive. The use of the word 'no' in the context of them not wanting a particular activity or physical trait isn't aggressive. If someone writes that they want tall guys only, black guys only, VWE only, guys under 40 only, local people only and adds on no bi guys, no married men, nobody with a public cock shot....guess what. Still not aggressive. Why are some people so offended when they don't meet someone's preferences? Saves everyone time and effort and means you won't be tempted to message them only to be ignored or rejected later because you're not what they're looking for. Focus on those whose profiles you like and where you (potentially) match what they're looking for, rather than worry about those that put you off and who you don't. It's their profile. Not yours. I doubt they give a single shit if people are put off by them and consider it simply 'job done'. 
A
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"I have seen profiles that list a lot of "don't want this, don't want that", which is fine, it's their profile to write as they choose. But I agree that too many negative phrases in a profile is offputting, even if you get past that and are compatible. Too much negative wording in a profile suggests a negative person. " This | |||
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"100% agree , some of them are like , 10 inches plus, own a house worth more than 500k , have a six pack you can grate cheese off , duck feathered pillow case and duvet, silk sheets and pony and drop me home back to my top floor flat in Beirut in your Aston Martin, do not apply if you can't read and offer these things (no offense if anyone has a top floor flat in beirut) " | |||
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"I could quite easily write one myself like that. And actually mine is a bit ranty at present due to flakey men and being messed about and deliberately done to put people off trying. I completely understand why women get so fed up and end up spelling it out on what they don't want! Doesn't work though if I'm honest. It doesn’t work because only genuine people read a profile. " Sorry but I disagree with that statement. My previous bio was read by many. The messages reflected the fact. And I was let down by people who had clearly read it. | |||
"I have seen profiles that list a lot of "don't want this, don't want that", which is fine, it's their profile to write as they choose. But I agree that too many negative phrases in a profile is offputting, even if you get past that and are compatible. Too much negative wording in a profile suggests a negative person. I agree. A genuine person that is interested in you will read your profile, why would you not. Non genuine people never read a profile so for this reason an aggressive profile is only putting the genuine people off. It’s a lose lose situation. You keep saying 'aggressive'. In 15 years on here I've seen very few profiles I'd describe as aggressive in any way, but I've seen a lot of forum threads (mainly from men) describing profiles as such. A list describing what people want or don't want isn't aggressive. The use of the word 'no' in the context of them not wanting a particular activity or physical trait isn't aggressive. If someone writes that they want tall guys only, black guys only, VWE only, guys under 40 only, local people only and adds on no bi guys, no married men, nobody with a public cock shot....guess what. Still not aggressive. Why are some people so offended when they don't meet someone's preferences? Saves everyone time and effort and means you won't be tempted to message them only to be ignored or rejected later because you're not what they're looking for. Focus on those whose profiles you like and where you (potentially) match what they're looking for, rather than worry about those that put you off and who you don't. It's their profile. Not yours. I doubt they give a single shit if people are put off by them and consider it simply 'job done'.
A
"Maybe it's more the how than what they say. I wouldn't use the word aggressive but some profiles read like a job description. Essential criteria, desirable criteria, physical attributes.... Send a face pic with your first message or it won't be read. Again not aggressive but certainly entitled and not very appealing. And this is the fault of men? Sure I'll read the profile but I've already thought that's a no from me. Of course another option would be to use their filters and do the contacting themselves. | |||
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"I could quite easily write one myself like that. And actually mine is a bit ranty at present due to flakey men and being messed about and deliberately done to put people off trying. I completely understand why women get so fed up and end up spelling it out on what they don't want! Doesn't work though if I'm honest. It doesn’t work because only genuine people read a profile. " What evidence do you have for that | |||
"Having just joined fab again I’ve seen quite a few (normally female) profiles which is just a list of everything you need to do to be blocked by them. Is anyone else completely put off by these sort of profiles? " Suspect this is largely out of frustration. We (hopefully) make it clear what we’re are and aren’t looking for in a positive way, but it rarely makes much of a difference. However, as in real life, we try to be as approachable as possible. | |||
"I suppose different people read them differently. I see them as a aggy person I would never want to meet. " Then you've found your Fab bonus filter and can move on to the next | |||
"I have seen profiles that list a lot of "don't want this, don't want that", which is fine, it's their profile to write as they choose. But I agree that too many negative phrases in a profile is offputting, even if you get past that and are compatible. Too much negative wording in a profile suggests a negative person. I agree. A genuine person that is interested in you will read your profile, why would you not. Non genuine people never read a profile so for this reason an aggressive profile is only putting the genuine people off. It’s a lose lose situation. You keep saying 'aggressive'. In 15 years on here I've seen very few profiles I'd describe as aggressive in any way, but I've seen a lot of forum threads (mainly from men) describing profiles as such. A list describing what people want or don't want isn't aggressive. The use of the word 'no' in the context of them not wanting a particular activity or physical trait isn't aggressive. If someone writes that they want tall guys only, black guys only, VWE only, guys under 40 only, local people only and adds on no bi guys, no married men, nobody with a public cock shot....guess what. Still not aggressive. Why are some people so offended when they don't meet someone's preferences? Saves everyone time and effort and means you won't be tempted to message them only to be ignored or rejected later because you're not what they're looking for. Focus on those whose profiles you like and where you (potentially) match what they're looking for, rather than worry about those that put you off and who you don't. It's their profile. Not yours. I doubt they give a single shit if people are put off by them and consider it simply 'job done'.
A
Maybe it's more the how than what they say. I wouldn't use the word aggressive but some profiles read like a job description. Essential criteria, desirable criteria, physical attributes....
Send a face pic with your first message or it won't be read. Again not aggressive but certainly entitled and not very appealing. And this is the fault of men? Sure I'll read the profile but I've already thought that's a no from me.
Of course another option would be to use their filters and do the contacting themselves."Yep. It's all semantics. People shout 'aggessive' generally when they're excluded. If they actually met the criteria someone listed, then odds are they'd feel differently. And this isn't just a 'female' thing. Anyone can and should be clear about what they want and who they're looking to meet. People throw words around as if they're some kind of guarantee or cast in stone. 'Genuine', 'reliable', 'professional'. They're just words, much like 'aggressive'. Some people are blunt and to the point. And that's no bad thing. Others aren't and that can create many problems, much like those with little to no details on preferences, stated age ranges of 18-99 and those that come across as keeping all options open so as to not exclude anyone and reduce the odds of getting a meet at all. I like your use of 'job description' actually. A fab profile is effectively both a public CV and a mini job description of what any applicant would or could be asked to do (or of course not do). That's basically what the 'looking for' and interests sections are about. Being more detailed (not agressive) about who you want shouldn't be a negative. Being clear on preferences, tastes and boundaries shouldn't either. It takes no more than a couple of minutes to read even the longest profile. If more did then maybe there'd be less threads started about messages being ignored, getting no replies, struggling to find meets and definitely less complaining about what others choose to include on their profiles. We have a polite request for people not to message us asking to meet unless we're obviously looking at that time. It's at the start of our profile. Yet every week we get messages asking to meet tonight, tomorrow or this weekend. They all get deleted and the senders blocked, even if they were people that if browsing ourselves we may well have messaged. Because if they can't be arse to read the profile and respect what we've written, then quite frankly fuck em. Or not, as it turns out. A | |||
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"Having just joined fab again I’ve seen quite a few (normally female) profiles which is just a list of everything you need to do to be blocked by them. Is anyone else completely put off by these sort of profiles? " If you're put off, probably mission accomplished on their part. Smile, nod, move on. I don't understand the need to impress everyone and like everyone. That's impossible and a waste of time. Focus on the few, not the many. | |||
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"They are just worn down by all the bs" Yup. I've been there. Maybe if I just put X in my profile I'll get less of those messages. Maybe if I put Y in there... You end up with a negative list. Because there's so much BS. (I'm talking particularly about people who are new) | |||
" Focus on the few, not the many." Flashbacks  | |||
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"Over the years, we've tried to make the text on our various profiles as open and engaging as possible. For the most part, we've been successful. At the start of 2021 though, there seemed to be a slight shift in the attitudes of others. The messages seem to become more 'aggressive'... At the time, we needed to make our profile a little more direct - which didn't really reflect us. Maybe this is why there's an increase in such profiles? Slowly we are shifting back again. Our next write up (probably in a few weeks) will hopefully have the humour and entertainment we normally like to use. Many profiles aren't updated for years though - so an aggressive profile, may stay like that for a while. " My aggressive profile era was 2018 mostly, when I first joined. Although I set my filters to "pandemic, fuck off" in April 2020 and haven't reduced them yet, so I have no first hand knowledge of a change in messages since then | |||
" Focus on the few, not the many. Flashbacks "Tell me more. As I've no idea what you're on about lol. | |||
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"Yep. It's all semantics. People shout 'aggessive' generally when they're excluded. If they actually met the criteria someone listed, then odds are they'd feel differently. " Except it’s not. I’ve observed the “aggressive” type of profile recently so can understand the point the OP is making. For me, a list of no this, no that isn’t aggressive, and having worked in sales I understand that someone will have a much clearer idea of what they don’t want rather than what they do want. But Symantec’s do come into it. It is possible to express the same thought in a multitude of ways. What’s the saying? A diplomat is someone who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you look forward to the journey. Some profiles get very shouty, and their thoughts are expressed in an aggressive manner. I firmly believe that everyone is free to run their fab profile in whatever manner suits them, and how they present themselves through their profile is a hidden filter, an Easter egg if you like, and I’m sure I’m not the only one who uses that in conjunction with the ultimate filter… the block button. | |||
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"I feel like my bio isn't ‘aggressive’ enough. People will be people though, so as much as there are a few conscientious people on here, most just see pictures and think i’ll message anyway. " This is true, if they have a spray n pray approach then nothing will deter them. | |||
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"I feel like my bio isn't ‘aggressive’ enough. People will be people though, so as much as there are a few conscientious people on here, most just see pictures and think i’ll message anyway. " Your bio is polite. As you point out, you'll get messages from those who dont read it anyway, so it's a good thing that those, polite enough to read it, should see the real you. | |||
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"I feel like my bio isn't ‘aggressive’ enough. People will be people though, so as much as there are a few conscientious people on here, most just see pictures and think i’ll message anyway. Your bio is polite. As you point out, you'll get messages from those who dont read it anyway, so it's a good thing that those, polite enough to read it, should see the real you. " Exactly that, the frustration seems to be towards those that pay no attention to their bio, and so it won't reach them anyway, but it will reach the ones they may be hoping to attract, the attentive, considerate bio readers, and such a profile may well turn them away. It's really quite counter productive. | |||
"As a follow on, I don't understand ladies (and some couples) who complain about their inbox being full of dross, yet don't use the message filters. If a lady blocks all men her admin gets way less stressful. This allows time to use Fab as a search tool for guys who do fit their criteria. A wink may get a reply. If not, nothing lost...especially time or faith in men. I have men blocked because I am straight, but if I were bi I'd do just this. The sea is a lit less scary when you're not standing in the breakers, trying to stay above water. I'd rather be sat on a surf board, picking the waves that look good, than being forced to swallow a gallon of brine. " You raise some things I've thought myself about the non use of filters. I can think of a few possible reasons. One is confirmation bias. Another might be called traditionalism. Finally using the filters reverses the onus. It's more preferable to be inundated with unsuitable candidates that selecting potential candidates. | |||
"As a follow on, I don't understand ladies (and some couples) who complain about their inbox being full of dross, yet don't use the message filters. If a lady blocks all men her admin gets way less stressful. This allows time to use Fab as a search tool for guys who do fit their criteria. A wink may get a reply. If not, nothing lost...especially time or faith in men. I have men blocked because I am straight, but if I were bi I'd do just this. The sea is a lit less scary when you're not standing in the breakers, trying to stay above water. I'd rather be sat on a surf board, picking the waves that look good, than being forced to swallow a gallon of brine. You raise some things I've thought myself about the non use of filters. I can think of a few possible reasons. One is confirmation bias. Another might be called traditionalism. Finally using the filters reverses the onus. It's more preferable to be inundated with unsuitable candidates that selecting potential candidates. " All highly probable motivations. But then don't winge about the messages you do get. Also, anyone here think a woman who winked 10 guys on here wouldn't get 8 replies ? That's enough confirmation bias for anyone. However, they might then have to do something about it, which is onerous in itself. | |||
"As a follow on, I don't understand ladies (and some couples) who complain about their inbox being full of dross, yet don't use the message filters. If a lady blocks all men her admin gets way less stressful. This allows time to use Fab as a search tool for guys who do fit their criteria. A wink may get a reply. If not, nothing lost...especially time or faith in men. I have men blocked because I am straight, but if I were bi I'd do just this. The sea is a lit less scary when you're not standing in the breakers, trying to stay above water. I'd rather be sat on a surf board, picking the waves that look good, than being forced to swallow a gallon of brine. You raise some things I've thought myself about the non use of filters. I can think of a few possible reasons. One is confirmation bias. Another might be called traditionalism. Finally using the filters reverses the onus. It's more preferable to be inundated with unsuitable candidates that selecting potential candidates. All highly probable motivations. But then don't winge about the messages you do get. Also, anyone here think a woman who winked 10 guys on here wouldn't get 8 replies ? That's enough confirmation bias for anyone. However, they might then have to do something about it, which is onerous in itself. " And another deterrent to a proactive approach has to be the fear of rejection. | |||
"As a follow on, I don't understand ladies (and some couples) who complain about their inbox being full of dross, yet don't use the message filters. If a lady blocks all men her admin gets way less stressful. This allows time to use Fab as a search tool for guys who do fit their criteria. A wink may get a reply. If not, nothing lost...especially time or faith in men. I have men blocked because I am straight, but if I were bi I'd do just this. The sea is a lit less scary when you're not standing in the breakers, trying to stay above water. I'd rather be sat on a surf board, picking the waves that look good, than being forced to swallow a gallon of brine. You raise some things I've thought myself about the non use of filters. I can think of a few possible reasons. One is confirmation bias. Another might be called traditionalism. Finally using the filters reverses the onus. It's more preferable to be inundated with unsuitable candidates that selecting potential candidates. " The only filters we tend to use, is the newbies and no photos on profile. The reason, because we like to be inclusive (my perspective here), in that we've received messages via the forum discussions, some have been quite personal. I think viewpoint is important, I don't take offence or get ate up at messages, and will reply to most, I'd like to say all, but sometimes that's not the case. I can nip a conversation in the bud easy and politely enough. In addition, I looked the other day after another forum post about how many blocked, we have 16 blocked, though could have been more, as I'm sure some will have left the site. The way we're using our profile at the moment had minimised messages, so this helps. I think, in short, I've clearly more patience in our inbox than in the forums. | |||
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"They are just worn down by all the bs But could they be missing all the good people out there who are put off by their profile? " Quite possibly... But more likely they are actively reaching out to people who match their interests and who are of interest to them. Look at the imbalance of male vs female... There is no way you could possibly interact with the whole site | |||
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" You raise some things I've thought myself about the non use of filters. I can think of a few possible reasons. One is confirmation bias. Another might be called traditionalism. Finally using the filters reverses the onus. It's more preferable to be inundated with unsuitable candidates that selecting potential candidates. " Why is it more preferable to reverse the onus? Why on earth would it be more preferable to sift through a raft of messages in the hope of finding someone who seems compatible? And confirmation bias - please elaborate. | |||
