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Sex with an ex - good or bad idea?
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By *hilvdec OP Man
over a year ago
Stockport, Manchester |
Ok, so I had a relationship with a guy 15 years ago, we lasted 3.5 years. I wasn’t sure about my sexuality so ended it. Always thought about him since and have never really gotten close to anyone since. After we split he met someone new, they eventually married and have adopted a child. My ex constantly messages me, let’s me know he’s horny etc. we never had sex. Then he suggested 3somes between me, him and his partner. It was just to be sex. Nothing more. It happened randomly for a few years. Last year I blocked them both, decided I didn’t need them. Wasn’t sure about my feelings. The partner then finds my profile and starts messaging me. Saying he really misses me etc. I’ve recently started chatting to them both again. Hooked up with my ex a few times and had amazing, intimate sex, and 3somes. The partner (not my ex) seems to really like me, gets jealous of me having sex with others, and says we should have a 3way relationship. I’m happy to never see them both again, but also really enjoy the sex. Anybody else had experiences of this? What should I make of it? Forget them or enjoy myself? Should I be worried incase it gets messy?? |
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By *hilvdec OP Man
over a year ago
Stockport, Manchester |
My worry is not knowing their actual feelings for me. They both have suddenly got really into me in the last few weeks. I dunno if they just see it as sex or something more. Just worried incase I end up getting hurt. |
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By *hilvdec OP Man
over a year ago
Stockport, Manchester |
Ah. You think they are both using me for sex? I’ve never thought of it like that. They are both always saying I can do what I like to them, more like I’m using them. Interesting. Btw, I hooked up with them tonight. Me and the ex alone to start with and he was full on all over me, being passionate etc. the mood changes when the partner arrives tho. I’m not being delusional, like I say, it’s always them who contact me, I never ask them for sex. I’m quite intrigued by how peoples minds work, what it means etc. |
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By *hilvdec OP Man
over a year ago
Stockport, Manchester |
I’m worried that I can have amazing sex with people, passionate etc, then once I cum I always just wanna leave. I like it when they message to say it was hot and want it again, but I don’t get really connected and want it to go further. Same with my ex. Right now I’m thinking I’m not pining for him or anything. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My worry is not knowing their actual feelings for me. They both have suddenly got really into me in the last few weeks. I dunno if they just see it as sex or something more. Just worried incase I end up getting hurt. "
This is more than "sex with the ex", this is about communication and boundaries. Have that conversation and work those out first before involving sex. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m worried that I can have amazing sex with people, passionate etc, then once I cum I always just wanna leave. I like it when they message to say it was hot and want it again, but I don’t get really connected and want it to go further. Same with my ex. Right now I’m thinking I’m not pining for him or anything. "
You are pining. You’ve written a whole thread about it, and multiple long replies too.
You’re fooling yourself if you believe that you’re not thinking about him (or both of them) outside of the times you have sex.
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By *hilvdec OP Man
over a year ago
Stockport, Manchester |
"I’d cut ties buddy, imo you might be being used as a living sex toy.
You are worth better  "
Ha. Thanks man. Maybe I’ll just ignore their messages again now no matter how much they claim to want me |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Ha. Thanks man. Maybe I’ll just ignore their messages again now no matter how much they claim to want me"
They probably do both want you physically, I’m not bi but I’d say you’re a good looking guy and the reason for attraction would be there.
Also, as a previous partner to one and a shared sexual partner to both you are not really a threat to their relationship. But, their involvement in your life is a risk to your emotions.
If it’s fun, I guess there isn’t harm in playing but if you begin to feel any attachment etc, bolt for the exit  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ok, so I had a relationship with a guy 15 years ago, we lasted 3.5 years. I wasn’t sure about my sexuality so ended it. Always thought about him since and have never really gotten close to anyone since. After we split he met someone new, they eventually married and have adopted a child. My ex constantly messages me, let’s me know he’s horny etc. we never had sex. Then he suggested 3somes between me, him and his partner. It was just to be sex. Nothing more. It happened randomly for a few years. Last year I blocked them both, decided I didn’t need them. Wasn’t sure about my feelings. The partner then finds my profile and starts messaging me. Saying he really misses me etc. I’ve recently started chatting to them both again. Hooked up with my ex a few times and had amazing, intimate sex, and 3somes. The partner (not my ex) seems to really like me, gets jealous of me having sex with others, and says we should have a 3way relationship. I’m happy to never see them both again, but also really enjoy the sex. Anybody else had experiences of this? What should I make of it? Forget them or enjoy myself? Should I be worried incase it gets messy?? "
Devil's advocate here. You were together 3 and a half years but weren't sure about your sexuality? I would've thought you would've known earlier?
Partner/husband of said ex is jealous of you sleeping with other people?? He's clearly not invested in that relationship/marriage...
You'd happily never see them both again??
You walk away now! Someone is going to get seriously hurt here!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I had sea with my ex, it destroyed me. (Sorry, that was my first thought.)
It sounds too complicated op, my pennies worth because you asked. I’d close that book and move on, it ended a long time ago. Start a new story. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m worried that I can have amazing sex with people, passionate etc, then once I cum I always just wanna leave. I like it when they message to say it was hot and want it again, but I don’t get really connected and want it to go further. Same with my ex. Right now I’m thinking I’m not pining for him or anything.
You are pining. You’ve written a whole thread about it, and multiple long replies too.
You’re fooling yourself if you believe that you’re not thinking about him (or both of them) outside of the times you have sex.
"
I very much agree with this.
OP, if they both said today that they never want to see you again, who would you miss the most? |
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By *TG3Man
over a year ago
Dorchester |
"I had sea with my ex, it destroyed me. (Sorry, that was my first thought.)
It sounds too complicated op, my pennies worth because you asked. I’d close that book and move on, it ended a long time ago. Start a new story. "
you swam with your ex woody? |
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