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Will polygamy ever be the social norm?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not the norm, but more acceptable.
Imo, many people are more NM than they realise. They certainly aren't swans, and many play fast and loose with monogomy at the start of relationships.
At some point sex switches from being something they do with many to only doing with one. And at some point it suddenly takes on a load of significance they never gave it before.
But it's gonna take a while to undo some long term indoctrination |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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No, I don't think it will be the social norm.
I think the vast majority of people are emotionally monogamous, if not physically. And there's nothing wrong with that.
I do think in time it might become more normalised, less of a stigma around it. But even in the poly community you have people who insist others aren't poly because they're not doing it their way. That kind of crap isn't helpful.
It's becoming increasingly spoken about which I think is a good thing - it can have a bit of a bad rep for men using it as an excuse to be a "fuckboi" as one friend so delightfully described it. Removing that sort of stereotype is wonderful and it makes me happy when I see people who are openly poly on here. Being true to who they are. |
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For me polyamory helps to ensure more trust and honesty between lovers. I have a primary partner. We talk and keep each other informed. Too often I am approached by folk in 'loveless marriages' and that suggests secrecy and potential pain down the line. [In earlier life I did secrecy and I am not proud of it] |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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"Do you mean polyamory OP?
Glad you clarified that, I'm poly (Mr) and its a real burden sometimes. The people I fall for don't understand."
Oh I'll be painfully honest (for me at least). Yeah, sometimes I hate being poly. Wish I wasn't, I think it can add extra hurt as well as love to your life.
In terms of meeting people from here? It's trying to explain that right now, although I'm happy dating I'm not actively looking to date. And just because you stick your penis in me it doesn't mean I'm madly in love with you.
I've been lucky in that those I've grown feelings of some kind for have for the most part been poly.
It's not easy. It's great when you have poly friends you can talk about the myriad of things that can arise though. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I like to romanticise with the idea that one day, we'll focus on our own individual happiness, instead of worrying what others think.
Definitely seeing an openess to sexuality in the younger generations. It isn't stigmatised to be outside of the norm. Which is refreshing to see. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We already notice our offsprings views to sex and sexuality are very different to the ones we grew up with, all are based on the person and not the gender so we can see it happening. Maybe one or two more generations time, you'll need to be in a poly relationship to afford a mortgage too. |
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I don't see it as a norm in the next couple of hundred years, as we seem slow to let go of sexual hangups, such as the Victorian attitudes still influencing us
Religion would likely have some influence too.
Sure, the good news is that it'll be more acceptable to be open about it.n |
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What does being polyamorous mean? Polyamory is a form of ethical, or consensual, non-monogamy that involves having romantic or sexual relationships with multiple partners at the same time. It shud be considering everthing eles we have  |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"What does being polyamorous mean? Polyamory is a form of ethical, or consensual, non-monogamy that involves having romantic or sexual relationships with multiple partners at the same time. It shud be considering everthing eles we have "
You can be polyamorous & cheat. To me it’s more of a mindset of being able to have those kind of relationships and accept people you love, love & fuck others and be fine with it
Most people, even swingers don't get it , or get it but struggle with it so highly unlikely. |
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Yes I think it will become totally acceptable. Cheating is so common and so hurtful. I think marriage is on its last legs. My parents were married until my dad's death. They had 4 children. 3 of whom are divorced and the 4th heading that way. With polyamory you have the choice. You could stay with just the one person but are not locked in. |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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"Yes I think it will become totally acceptable. Cheating is so common and so hurtful. I think marriage is on its last legs. My parents were married until my dad's death. They had 4 children. 3 of whom are divorced and the 4th heading that way. With polyamory you have the choice. You could stay with just the one person but are not locked in. "
But polyamory isn't always the solution to cheating. Stopping it.
I've been cheated on in a poly relationship and that hurt more because it was poly if that makes sense?
I think if people were more open about what they want/need/hope for then that's a great thing. Rmeoving the stigma surrounding polyamory. I don't see it as a way of stopping cheating though. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No. Emotionally sharing a loved one, with someone we have no emotional investment in, is something most are not hardwired to do."
I think it’s worked in previous societies but in modern societies probably difficult to normalise seen as monogamy is fed to us from birth |
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"Yes I think it will become totally acceptable. Cheating is so common and so hurtful. I think marriage is on its last legs. My parents were married until my dad's death. They had 4 children. 3 of whom are divorced and the 4th heading that way. With polyamory you have the choice. You could stay with just the one person but are not locked in.
But polyamory isn't always the solution to cheating. Stopping it.
I've been cheated on in a poly relationship and that hurt more because it was poly if that makes sense?
I think if people were more open about what they want/need/hope for then that's a great thing. Rmeoving the stigma surrounding polyamory. I don't see it as a way of stopping cheating though."
Was it cheating because they didn't tell you about it? Did they get a thrill from not telling you? Seems they didn't really get the whole poly thing. |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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"Yes I think it will become totally acceptable. Cheating is so common and so hurtful. I think marriage is on its last legs. My parents were married until my dad's death. They had 4 children. 3 of whom are divorced and the 4th heading that way. With polyamory you have the choice. You could stay with just the one person but are not locked in.
But polyamory isn't always the solution to cheating. Stopping it.
I've been cheated on in a poly relationship and that hurt more because it was poly if that makes sense?
I think if people were more open about what they want/need/hope for then that's a great thing. Rmeoving the stigma surrounding polyamory. I don't see it as a way of stopping cheating though.
Was it cheating because they didn't tell you about it? Did they get a thrill from not telling you? Seems they didn't really get the whole poly thing."
Yes. Not for a few months anyway. I didn't see it as cheating until a close friend said yes, it was when I was thinking I was being an utterly unreasonable twonk for being hurt by it.
I don't think they got a thrill from it. It's more... it suited them. They were doing what they wanted.
I'm loathe to say someone doesn't get poly because there's not one true way of being poly. I think sometimes people can gatekeep identities and say you have to do x, y and z in order to be poly. I think that sort of thing can be very reductive. Very dismissive.
People who are poly cheat. It doesn't make them less poly in my mind? It's hard to explain. |
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"Yes I think it will become totally acceptable. Cheating is so common and so hurtful. I think marriage is on its last legs. My parents were married until my dad's death. They had 4 children. 3 of whom are divorced and the 4th heading that way. With polyamory you have the choice. You could stay with just the one person but are not locked in.
But polyamory isn't always the solution to cheating. Stopping it.
I've been cheated on in a poly relationship and that hurt more because it was poly if that makes sense?
I think if people were more open about what they want/need/hope for then that's a great thing. Rmeoving the stigma surrounding polyamory. I don't see it as a way of stopping cheating though.
Was it cheating because they didn't tell you about it? Did they get a thrill from not telling you? Seems they didn't really get the whole poly thing.
Yes. Not for a few months anyway. I didn't see it as cheating until a close friend said yes, it was when I was thinking I was being an utterly unreasonable twonk for being hurt by it.
I don't think they got a thrill from it. It's more... it suited them. They were doing what they wanted.
I'm loathe to say someone doesn't get poly because there's not one true way of being poly. I think sometimes people can gatekeep identities and say you have to do x, y and z in order to be poly. I think that sort of thing can be very reductive. Very dismissive.
People who are poly cheat. It doesn't make them less poly in my mind? It's hard to explain."
Well that caught my attention. I do admire your capacity to tackle the taboos Meli. I agree, it is something of a 'no true Scotsman' fallacy to start defining what being Poly is for someone else. I'd go perhaps a step further and say in some instances it can be disempowering and controlling, perhaps not intentionally, but that can become a quite toxic dynamic.
Over the years, I have come to the conclusion monogamy and Polyamory can be something of a false dichotomy. Every loving relationship carries some degree of commitment, which is predicated on boundaries. Those boundaries will be the result of the persons involved, rather than an overarching external rule set. And this is where it gets messy, in my experience. As the boundaries between two partners are almost always going to have different qualities than those established with others.
Having romantic feelings for more than one person, I would say is quite natural - I can only speak for myself of course. On the other hand, I am in my element when I get in deep with a partner and that can become quite consummate. We may shack-up, nest - build a life together. I haven't found many partners, whom are content to be 'secondary' when that happens.
I would lose respect for myself if I were to hide behind 'well you're not really poly if you can't be happy for me.' And if I hid that development from a partner, or downplayed it: told them what they wanted to hear - rather than being honest. Accusations of cheating would be quite reasonable. Can I say I love someone if I am willing to deceive them? I think not. |
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haha... thank you.
both are just micro minorities. 
