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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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If your partner is deleting their texts, are they cheating? What if they're sexting someone but have never met them?
What would define as cheating and is there a boundary when it comes to cheating ? |
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"If your partner is deleting their texts, are they cheating? What if they're sexting someone but have never met them?
What would define as cheating and is there a boundary when it comes to cheating ? "
Your partner or mine? 
I wouldn't know what Fox does on her phone as I never look at it
A |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Cheating is fundamentally dishonest. It is not necessarily even sexual. E.g., gambling or doing drugs behind your partner's back could be considered cheating. |
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"If your partner is deleting their texts, are they cheating? What if they're sexting someone but have never met them?
What would define as cheating and is there a boundary when it comes to cheating ? "
I’m guessing it’s hypothetical question as you’re single so why would that bother you? |
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If they're deleting messages or sexting someone then yes they're not being loyal. Any talking other than general chat to friends is being unloyal.
I had a girlfriend who had continued talking to someone she was seeing before she got with me and he messaged me to let me know when he see her relationship update on social.
I was fuming and said I couldn’t believe she would cheat and had to explain to her that it was cheating because she didn't think it was 
If you can't talk about it to your partner then you already know it's wrong and the outcome won't be good |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Deleting messages doesn't necessarily indicate cheating. They might just be freeing up space by getting rid of O2 bill updates! Anyway, I wouldn't know as I never look at my partner's phone.
Sexting a fab friend wouldn't bother me. If we're going to be having actual sex with people on here then a bit of sexting in the run up to that, or after, is just part of it.
Sexting anyone else? That's crossing boundaries and I'd very much view that as cheating.
Nell |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I delete my messages all the time but I'm not being dishonest so depends on the reason why she's deleting. If you delete with intent to deceive your partner then yes that's wrong but not cheating. Cheating can be physical and emotional but you wouldn't know unless you saw the contents of the messages. Personally I had to check my partners phone then there's something wrong there already, never mind cheating. |
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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago
Derry |
"If your partner is deleting their texts, are they cheating? What if they're sexting someone but have never met them?
What would define as cheating and is there a boundary when it comes to cheating ? "
If they feel it necessary to conceal the relationship then yeah it meets the criteria. I don't think cheating is just physical. |
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By *TG3Man
over a year ago
Dorchester |
"If your partner is deleting their texts, are they cheating? What if they're sexting someone but have never met them?
What would define as cheating and is there a boundary when it comes to cheating ? "
let her cheat if it makes her happy  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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In my long term relationships away from from fab we always had access to each others phones, we knew the pin code etc. Total transparency and openness as we had nothing to hide.
I find it odd when when people keep their phones private from a partner. I get the privacy to a degree. I mean I may have wanted to message me bestie and tell her my man was a dickhead because he did something shit. And I wouldn't want him reading it. I may even delete the texts to be fair.
Or if I was planning his birthday or something.
Am I the odd one here? I don't understand it.
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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago
Derry |
"In my long term relationships away from from fab we always had access to each others phones, we knew the pin code etc. Total transparency and openness as we had nothing to hide.
I find it odd when when people keep their phones private from a partner. I get the privacy to a degree. I mean I may have wanted to message me bestie and tell her my man was a dickhead because he did something shit. And I wouldn't want him reading it. I may even delete the texts to be fair.
Or if I was planning his birthday or something.
Am I the odd one here? I don't understand it.
"
If your partner was exchanging a high number of messages with another woman and intentionally concealing this from you, how would you feel? |
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I've got access to my partner's phone and he mine. I never look at his so if he was exchanging messages with a woman I'd have no idea. I do hope though that if he was he'd answer her more quickly than he does me  .
The only time we look at each others is when we show a picture one of the kids has sent |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If they're deleting messages or sexting someone then yes they're not being loyal. Any talking other than general chat to friends is being unloyal.
I had a girlfriend who had continued talking to someone she was seeing before she got with me and he messaged me to let me know when he see her relationship update on social.
I was fuming and said I couldn’t believe she would cheat and had to explain to her that it was cheating because she didn't think it was
If you can't talk about it to your partner then you already know it's wrong and the outcome won't be good "
 |
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"If they're deleting messages or sexting someone then yes they're not being loyal. Any talking other than general chat to friends is being unloyal.
I had a girlfriend who had continued talking to someone she was seeing before she got with me and he messaged me to let me know when he see her relationship update on social.
I was fuming and said I couldn’t believe she would cheat and had to explain to her that it was cheating because she didn't think it was
If you can't talk about it to your partner then you already know it's wrong and the outcome won't be good "
There are two questions I want to ask here, not in any way to disagree with you but to understand.
Was she talking to this guy in a sexual way?
Why didn't he just tell her he could no longer talk to her because she was in a relationship? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If your partner is deleting their texts, are they cheating? What if they're sexting someone but have never met them?
….."
What if they’re trying to book a holiday suprise for you both, and your just insecure and instead of approaching them to ask what’s going on you come to alsorts of conclusions, and create something that shouldn’t be there in the first place?
Or is your question more specific? |
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By *apidaryMan
over a year ago
Chipping Norton |
"When somebody uses a Scrabble word finder whilst playing Scrabble that's fucking cheating and unforgivable"
True enough, but cheating at Scrabble is entirely within the spirit of the game. Grab any advantage you can get away with, it's the only way.
Also, that means I have no qualms about being utterly invasive in trying to detect Scrabble cheating. That's part of the game, too. In all other circumstances, respecting someone's privacy is essential. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Unfortunately this is very close to home  X had an affair 2 years ago, conducted through Snapchat.
2 years of hard work to build trust, find time for us which resulted in a lot of fun on here with her, only to find out she had redownloaded Snapchat and she was sexting a guy from her work.
This is the fucked up bit, even after what happened two years ago, she didn't see anything wrong with sexting another guy behind my back..I moved out two weeks ago and I'm the bad guy  |
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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago
Derry |
I was single, she left a relationship to start one with me. From the start I was accused of talking to other women. I wasn't. It was later I found that I was on a 12 month trial so to speak. She remained in contact with the other interests she had. She concealed the contacts and social meetups she was having.
I saw it as cheating, she saw it as doing nothing wrong. If you're exploring other options and concealing it, that meets my criteria. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Unless you’ve set boundaries where’s the cheating? You can’t be cheating if there are no rules. Can’t assume that your assumed rules are also theirs.
If you do consider that action as cheating then mention that to you it is. They should have the respect of your views from then on refrain from that behaviour. Set the rules before declaring them broken. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don’t see sexting someone you won’t meet as cheating.
I do.
If you're hiding it from your partner, you're cheating.
Simples.
Agreed "
For me, it's not the pictures and videos as we all parade ourselves on here, it's the hiding it away and knowing what you are doing is hurtful to your partner.
How can you be fully committed if you are using energy to hide and lie. That's the killer, the lying |
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"I don’t see sexting someone you won’t meet as cheating.
I do.
If you're hiding it from your partner, you're cheating.
Simples.
Agreed
For me, it's not the pictures and videos as we all parade ourselves on here, it's the hiding it away and knowing what you are doing is hurtful to your partner.
How can you be fully committed if you are using energy to hide and lie. That's the killer, the lying "
Exactly this, even more so when someone has been given every opportunity to be honest yet still continue fucking every Tom dick and Harry without a care in world for anyone but themselves. They don’t care about the hurt and pain they cause or even what they are potentially bringing home to partners. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Unless you’ve set boundaries where’s the cheating? You can’t be cheating if there are no rules. Can’t assume that your assumed rules are also theirs.
If you do consider that action as cheating then mention that to you it is. They should have the respect of your views from then on refrain from that behaviour. Set the rules before declaring them broken. "
Surely there are implied rules in a relationship.
Just because someone didn't literally specify that each can't fuck other people, doesn't mean it's ok. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don’t see sexting someone you won’t meet as cheating.
I do.
If you're hiding it from your partner, you're cheating.
Simples.
Agreed
For me, it's not the pictures and videos as we all parade ourselves on here, it's the hiding it away and knowing what you are doing is hurtful to your partner.
How can you be fully committed if you are using energy to hide and lie. That's the killer, the lying
Exactly this, even more so when someone has been given every opportunity to be honest yet still continue fucking every Tom dick and Harry without a care in world for anyone but themselves. They don’t care about the hurt and pain they cause or even what they are potentially bringing home to partners. "
Just to add to your points, you realise they lie until you have proof, then the lie changes to it was only that once, until you find out it wasn't and so it continues. Then you have the kick in the teeth you realise nearly everything they have said is a lie.
Eventually you realise they will never change and you leave. Then your life changes when you realise you have no emotions left for them and you are free |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If your partner doesn’t know, then it’s cheating. Doesn’t matter whether it’s texting, meeting, gambling or lying about something random, it’s all dishonest and doesn’t set the right boundaries for a trusting relationship.
Mrs |
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Possibly another view....but I had a relationship with a very controlling partner, he constantly looked at my phone, messages, emails....
Now I'm out of the relationship and it is many many years later but I still can't have people second guessing me or checking so I have passwords and pin codes... It's my phone end of... |
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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago
Derry |
"Unless you’ve set boundaries where’s the cheating? You can’t be cheating if there are no rules. Can’t assume that your assumed rules are also theirs.
If you do consider that action as cheating then mention that to you it is. They should have the respect of your views from then on refrain from that behaviour. Set the rules before declaring them broken.
Surely there are implied rules in a relationship.
Just because someone didn't literally specify that each can't fuck other people, doesn't mean it's ok. "
The Technical Defence  Pretty thin. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Unless you’ve set boundaries where’s the cheating? You can’t be cheating if there are no rules. Can’t assume that your assumed rules are also theirs.
If you do consider that action as cheating then mention that to you it is. They should have the respect of your views from then on refrain from that behaviour. Set the rules before declaring them broken.
Surely there are implied rules in a relationship.
Just because someone didn't literally specify that each can't fuck other people, doesn't mean it's ok.
The Technical Defence Pretty thin."
You didn't say that I can't fuck a 38 year old called Stacey while keeping my socks on and humming Wham tunes. I did not cheat! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think we all have different lines, and on a swinging website obviously people are going to be a little more relaxed than most.
My partner has crossed a line if he does something and hides it from me. Would I say it is cheating? I don't know, depends on what it is but the dishonesty would definitely have a negative impact on our relationship. |
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"I don’t see sexting someone you won’t meet as cheating.
I do.
If you're hiding it from your partner, you're cheating.
Simples.
Agreed
For me, it's not the pictures and videos as we all parade ourselves on here, it's the hiding it away and knowing what you are doing is hurtful to your partner.
How can you be fully committed if you are using energy to hide and lie. That's the killer, the lying
Exactly this, even more so when someone has been given every opportunity to be honest yet still continue fucking every Tom dick and Harry without a care in world for anyone but themselves. They don’t care about the hurt and pain they cause or even what they are potentially bringing home to partners.
Just to add to your points, you realise they lie until you have proof, then the lie changes to it was only that once, until you find out it wasn't and so it continues. Then you have the kick in the teeth you realise nearly everything they have said is a lie.
Eventually you realise they will never change and you leave. Then your life changes when you realise you have no emotions left for them and you are free"
they rarely change sadly. Once is a mistake, more than once is clearly a decision and often leaves the other party feeling worthless but as long they they get what they want who cares |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don’t see sexting someone you won’t meet as cheating.
I do.
If you're hiding it from your partner, you're cheating.
Simples.
Agreed
For me, it's not the pictures and videos as we all parade ourselves on here, it's the hiding it away and knowing what you are doing is hurtful to your partner.
How can you be fully committed if you are using energy to hide and lie. That's the killer, the lying
Exactly this, even more so when someone has been given every opportunity to be honest yet still continue fucking every Tom dick and Harry without a care in world for anyone but themselves. They don’t care about the hurt and pain they cause or even what they are potentially bringing home to partners.
Just to add to your points, you realise they lie until you have proof, then the lie changes to it was only that once, until you find out it wasn't and so it continues. Then you have the kick in the teeth you realise nearly everything they have said is a lie.
Eventually you realise they will never change and you leave. Then your life changes when you realise you have no emotions left for them and you are free"
Unfortunately I can relate to this. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don’t see sexting someone you won’t meet as cheating. "
A friend of mine left his wife because she was sexting someone she would never meet. She was in a relationship with that person a couple of months later. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Is being on Fab or texting another man/woman/etc classed as cheating?
This might need a thread of its own!! "
paint it up any way you want but being here , without the other person's knowledge, is cheating, texting another man or woman isn't cheating as they could be texting about something that they're both doing ..in a running club , a mountain hiking club ..you get the picture ..BUT if they're sexting each other, without
the others knowledge etc then that would be cheating |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don’t see sexting someone you won’t meet as cheating.
I do.
If you're hiding it from your partner, you're cheating.
Simples.
Agreed
For me, it's not the pictures and videos as we all parade ourselves on here, it's the hiding it away and knowing what you are doing is hurtful to your partner.
How can you be fully committed if you are using energy to hide and lie. That's the killer, the lying
Exactly this, even more so when someone has been given every opportunity to be honest yet still continue fucking every Tom dick and Harry without a care in world for anyone but themselves. They don’t care about the hurt and pain they cause or even what they are potentially bringing home to partners.
Just to add to your points, you realise they lie until you have proof, then the lie changes to it was only that once, until you find out it wasn't and so it continues. Then you have the kick in the teeth you realise nearly everything they have said is a lie.
Eventually you realise they will never change and you leave. Then your life changes when you realise you have no emotions left for them and you are free
Unfortunately I can relate to this."
It's a shit place to be but everyone keeps saying the only way is up On a positive note what you've written in your bio is hilarious and very original |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don’t see sexting someone you won’t meet as cheating.
I do.
If you're hiding it from your partner, you're cheating.
Simples.
Agreed
For me, it's not the pictures and videos as we all parade ourselves on here, it's the hiding it away and knowing what you are doing is hurtful to your partner.
How can you be fully committed if you are using energy to hide and lie. That's the killer, the lying
Exactly this, even more so when someone has been given every opportunity to be honest yet still continue fucking every Tom dick and Harry without a care in world for anyone but themselves. They don’t care about the hurt and pain they cause or even what they are potentially bringing home to partners.
Just to add to your points, you realise they lie until you have proof, then the lie changes to it was only that once, until you find out it wasn't and so it continues. Then you have the kick in the teeth you realise nearly everything they have said is a lie.
Eventually you realise they will never change and you leave. Then your life changes when you realise you have no emotions left for them and you are free"
There's a movie in all of that somewhere |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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See, I think my views on this would be seen as odd by many
If my OH, had a bit of banter with someone, met them on the hop, fucked them and left it there, it wouldn't phase me at all
If, however, they had sneaky phone chats over protracted periods, building up bonds and emotional trust, arranged to meet weeks in advance and lied as to what / where they were going, I would hit the proverbial roof
It's not about physical exchanges with me, but I don't want my OH being emotionally close to others |
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