 |
By *stella OP Woman
over a year ago
London |
Do you ever make conscious uncoupling decisions around friendships/relationships?
From either completely cutting someone out to recognising the rhythm of the friendship is one-sided and adjusting by taking a step back, or see/hear something that hurts a bit and put your walls up a little to be more guarded?
If so, do you find it easy to do?
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Do you ever make conscious uncoupling decisions around friendships/relationships?
From either completely cutting someone out to recognising the rhythm of the friendship is one-sided and adjusting by taking a step back, or see/hear something that hurts a bit and put your walls up a little to be more guarded?
If so, do you find it easy to do?
"
I think these things ebb and flow naturally over the course of time.
For me it's one sided when there's no communication about it and it isn't determined mutually.
It's a self-respect thing for me. I just move on if I am not feeling it from the other person. I may have a conversation first, but if that's left unclear yeah I'm going to be done.
I tend to get submarined a fair bit. It's usually too late by then for me. There's a few friends who've established a bond with me that transcends that but if that was never there then it's see you in the next life usually.
Good question by the way. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
It can go a number of ways, sometimes there's the slow fade, when lives move in different directions. Other times I've actually just cut the cord, and told someone I don't want to be friends anymore, it has to be pretty toxic for that though. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I can be quite brutal in this. If someone betrays my trust I am out of there. I also can be bad at maintaining friendships so a lot just drift away. Sad really but life/laziness gets in the way sometimes. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Its a great topic.
Over the years, I had 3 separate friendship groups.
I now know this was completely bonkers and over the last few years its become clear I only need a small group of real friends.
I no longer give my attention to people who drain my energy, I know longer get involved in social activities that I have no interest in.
It can be upsetting, but I think for a better life these things are important to do.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I don't have any old school friends because I cut them off over a period of time when I was mid to late 20s.
The friendship was all one way traffic with me being there for them in difficult times and loss and they couldn't reciprocate when I needed them to.
I've worked with people for decades and never set foot in their homes or met their partners or families so I class those as acquaintances rather than friends.
I have been more brutal in recent years and not afraid to tell people who try and take advantage of our friendship to feck off.
That very much includes fab friends who thought I was a soft touch. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I had to cut all ties with a friend recently after i caught her red handed lying to her other friends about me. It stung a little because I find it difficult to make real friends. We became close quite quickly and I probably shouldn’t have let her in that fast but it felt nice to make a new friend. I won’t make that mistake again that’s for sure. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I've always had trouble keeping friends due to a lack of effort to keep in touch on my part. Now I find can instigate meeing up more often than not among my current group of friends but know they're worth it because we always have a great time when we do manage to get out  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I've always had trouble keeping friends due to a lack of effort to keep in touch on my part. Now I find can instigate meeing up more often than not among my current group of friends but know they're worth it because we always have a great time when we do manage to get out "
I should probably answer your question too  I guess I could do it if I ever found that I was doing all the heavy lifting to keep in touch. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Yes I do make a conscious decisions to end friendships. Some I allow to frizzle out, some I'll confront to see if there's been a misunderstanding before I make a decision and others I'll give chances and if they're not taken that's on them. Once I've decided to let a friendship go it hurts but I've yet to regret it.
Think I'm lucky though I've got a core group of friends I've known since forever, I know they've got my back. So it helps me walk away if I need to. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Do you ever make conscious uncoupling decisions around friendships/relationships?"
Yes - twice.
"From either completely cutting someone out to recognising the rhythm of the friendship is one-sided and adjusting by taking a step back, or see/hear something that hurts a bit and put your walls up a little to be more guarded? "
Completely cut out a childhood friend who I had known into my late 20s (we'd changed and he'd become irritating - no doubt I was more so). Second one was my ex-FWB, who a number of people on here had told me was toxic. That took a while to cut out - still waiting for the fallout from that.
"If so, do you find it easy to do?
"
No - I wanted to hang onto the FWB as a friend even three years after the sex had stopped, but, finally listened to others' advice about the relationship being toxic. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Do you ever make conscious uncoupling decisions around friendships/relationships?
From either completely cutting someone out to recognising the rhythm of the friendship is one-sided and adjusting by taking a step back, or see/hear something that hurts a bit and put your walls up a little to be more guarded?
If so, do you find it easy to do?
"
Yup, see it all the time and do it too.
I give freely, too freely to be honest and expect it back, rather foolishly.
When I sus you out as a lightweight, associate or acquaintance at best, I'm pretty ruthless. Probably too ruthless.
Self preservation though innit. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Do you ever make conscious uncoupling decisions around friendships/relationships?
From either completely cutting someone out to recognising the rhythm of the friendship is one-sided and adjusting by taking a step back, or see/hear something that hurts a bit and put your walls up a little to be more guarded?
If so, do you find it easy to do?
"
Yes, I did this within the last year to a really good and close friend. There’s still some sadness on my part, and I’ve no idea how they feel, but I value loyalty and they really let me down with work, twice in the end alas. I wouldn’t normally give a second chance, but anyway.
So yes, can cut people out completely, but rarely. Some friendships have a more constant rhythm than others, but that doesn’t make them more or less fulfilling, just a different tempo.
I don’t really find it easy cutting people out really, but sometimes you have to look after yourself and your own MH x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Yes
And ermmm depends really. I’m an absolute pro at cutting people out my life (but I’m not the problem I swear) and some situations have been a lot easier than others |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Over the years I've had to cut contact a couple of times. It still surprises me I did it. I'm such a soft touch usually but these two people pushed me too far.
I've also lost a friendship and I'm still unsure why. I assume it must have been something I said or did, as that's my natural default but logically I don't think it was me. Still hurts and I miss her a lot. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Oh I do tend to hang on a little bit longer than I should, but if I make the decision to cut someone out of my life then I follow through without trepidation.
The decision is horribly difficult to make but once made I find it very easy to execute. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Do you ever make conscious uncoupling decisions around friendships/relationships?
From either completely cutting someone out to recognising the rhythm of the friendship is one-sided and adjusting by taking a step back, or see/hear something that hurts a bit and put your walls up a little to be more guarded?
If so, do you find it easy to do?
"
I have cut people of before but for very valid reasons, the rest...once I find out their true colours, I put a wall up and distance myself a little x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
It's got easier with age. The older I get the less patience I have and things I used to put up with, I just can't anymore. Life's too short to surround yourself with people who don't make you happy so I have no issues cutting those out that don't. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *oggoneMan
over a year ago
Derry |
Absolutely, slowly first and then quickly. Maybe the relationship has changed or you realise something about the dynamic. Is it one sided or transactional. The frenemy is also a thing.
I'll observe first and wait before acting.
If the cost of 'friendship' is too high then it's time to reassess. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
Other friendships have just naturally faded over the years with people moving away or moving jobs etc 
