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Am I the only one?
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I don't drive presently and I'm amazed at how many guys say oh don't worry I'll come pick you up. Surely I can't be the only woman who wouldn't get in the car of someone they had never met? So why do so many men offer? |
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"I don't drive presently and I'm amazed at how many guys say oh don't worry I'll come pick you up. Surely I can't be the only woman who wouldn't get in the car of someone they had never met? So why do so many men offer?"
Because 'get in the van, I have puppies' has been proven to work in the past.......
A |
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"I don't drive presently and I'm amazed at how many guys say oh don't worry I'll come pick you up. Surely I can't be the only woman who wouldn't get in the car of someone they had never met? So why do so many men offer?"
You're absolutely right you're not the only one.
Men offer because they don't think. |
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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago
Derry |
"I don't drive presently and I'm amazed at how many guys say oh don't worry I'll come pick you up. Surely I can't be the only woman who wouldn't get in the car of someone they had never met? So why do so many men offer?"
Because they're chancing their arm or they have no idea why you might be reluctant to get into a car with them. |
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Probably because 99.9% of men are genuinely just offering a lift to wherever you've agreed to do whatever you'd planned. It wouldn't occur to them that women need to consider the 0.01% in everything they do. |
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"I don't drive presently and I'm amazed at how many guys say oh don't worry I'll come pick you up. Surely I can't be the only woman who wouldn't get in the car of someone they had never met? So why do so many men offer?
Because 'get in the van, I have puppies' has been proven to work in the past.......
A"
Well if they just said they had puppies I would be in. |
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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago
Derry |
"Probably because 99.9% of men are genuinely just offering a lift to wherever you've agreed to do whatever you'd planned. It wouldn't occur to them that women need to consider the 0.01% in everything they do. "
I do think for a lot it is a simple as that. They hear a problem, propose a solution......But never think why someone might be hesitant |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I wouldn't do it. Always be at a public location where someone knows where you are at all times and never let them take you anywhere. Yes it might be a nice gesture but I've rather not risk being the highlight of a Netflix documentary. |
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"I don't drive presently and I'm amazed at how many guys say oh don't worry I'll come pick you up. Surely I can't be the only woman who wouldn't get in the car of someone they had never met? So why do so many men offer?
You're absolutely right you're not the only one.
Men offer because they don't think. "
Men offer because they do think!
They think that by offering a kindness they may ingratiate themselves with you in the hope that it will lead to friendship , intimacy and dare I say it love !
Most men are not bad, most men look for and need love just like most women do  |
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"Probably because 99.9% of men are genuinely just offering a lift to wherever you've agreed to do whatever you'd planned. It wouldn't occur to them that women need to consider the 0.01% in everything they do. "
That boggles my mind that it wouldn't occur to them. #genderdivide |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't drive presently and I'm amazed at how many guys say oh don't worry I'll come pick you up. Surely I can't be the only woman who wouldn't get in the car of someone they had never met? So why do so many men offer?"
I offer it plenty.
Assuming you are taking the correct precautions and using some of that old common sense judgement. It's fine.
Jumping into the car of a clearly unhinged lunatic, less fine. |
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The flip side of this is that quite a few women insist on first meets being in their own home.
A number of non driving women also joined a fab hiking group and then asked for lifts to the walks which were all 100+ miles from their own locations.
Everyone has different ideas on personal safety. |
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"I wouldn't do it. Always be at a public location where someone knows where you are at all times and never let them take you anywhere. Yes it might be a nice gesture but I've rather not risk being the highlight of a Netflix documentary."
I honestly think it depends on the person.
I used to drive to pick single women up to go to both clubs and for hotel meets. Never had anyone express any concern or bring an axe with them for self defence purposes.
Would I let a complete stranger take Fox out alone? Fuck no. But there's a few guys on here (sadly not that local to us) that I'd have no worries about at all.
A |
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"I don't drive presently and I'm amazed at how many guys say oh don't worry I'll come pick you up. Surely I can't be the only woman who wouldn't get in the car of someone they had never met? So why do so many men offer?
You're absolutely right you're not the only one.
Men offer because they don't think.
Men offer because they do think!
They think that by offering a kindness they may ingratiate themselves with you in the hope that it will lead to friendship , intimacy and dare I say it love !
Most men are not bad, most men look for and need love just like most women do "
I don't think they are bad, just clueless. I am pretty sure I know what their advice would be if their sister, etc, received such an offer. |
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"The flip side of this is that quite a few women insist on first meets being in their own home.
A number of non driving women also joined a fab hiking group and then asked for lifts to the walks which were all 100+ miles from their own locations.
Everyone has different ideas on personal safety."
•
Quite.
And twice I've been offered a clandestine interlude in a woman's home. One of them was a deputy headteacher and insisted that I turn up just after her children had left for the day.
I give such offers a wide berth. |
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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago
Derry |
"Probably because 99.9% of men are genuinely just offering a lift to wherever you've agreed to do whatever you'd planned. It wouldn't occur to them that women need to consider the 0.01% in everything they do.
That boggles my mind that it wouldn't occur to them. #genderdivide"
Because I and many men have never been in that position.
But when my kids were younger I always took my kids with in the car when running their friends home. How many women would feel the need to do that? |
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"I don't drive presently and I'm amazed at how many guys say oh don't worry I'll come pick you up. Surely I can't be the only woman who wouldn't get in the car of someone they had never met? So why do so many men offer?
I offer it plenty.
Assuming you are taking the correct precautions and using some of that old common sense judgement. It's fine.
Jumping into the car of a clearly unhinged lunatic, less fine."
The only correct precaution is refusal surely - or a complete background check. I once visited a lesbian dating site and you couldn't even post on it without agreeing to a background check. So women are even scared of other women ( or of course all the men pretending to be lesbians) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't drive presently and I'm amazed at how many guys say oh don't worry I'll come pick you up. Surely I can't be the only woman who wouldn't get in the car of someone they had never met? So why do so many men offer?
I offer it plenty.
Assuming you are taking the correct precautions and using some of that old common sense judgement. It's fine.
Jumping into the car of a clearly unhinged lunatic, less fine.
The only correct precaution is refusal surely - or a complete background check. I once visited a lesbian dating site and you couldn't even post on it without agreeing to a background check. So women are even scared of other women ( or of course all the men pretending to be lesbians)"
If that's what makes you, or them happy, carry on.
Others manage just fine without.
I generally sniff out the crazies early doors, and I suspect most others do too.
Do I exclusively demand I collect people in my car. God no. It's an option, usually en route to a public place.
If they want to walk, cab it or bus, equally fine.
There is no blanket statement of the correct decision. It's all subjective. |
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"Probably because 99.9% of men are genuinely just offering a lift to wherever you've agreed to do whatever you'd planned. It wouldn't occur to them that women need to consider the 0.01% in everything they do.
That boggles my mind that it wouldn't occur to them. #genderdivide"
I'm not sure why it would occur to a man. If his intentions are good he probably thinks if it as no different to offering his mate a lift to the pub. |
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"The flip side of this is that quite a few women insist on first meets being in their own home.
A number of non driving women also joined a fab hiking group and then asked for lifts to the walks which were all 100+ miles from their own locations.
Everyone has different ideas on personal safety.
•
Quite.
And twice I've been offered a clandestine interlude in a woman's home. One of them was a deputy headteacher and insisted that I turn up just after her children had left for the day.
I give such offers a wide berth."
I've ended all conversation with any woman that invites me as a complete stranger into their home.
There are also numerous single women profiles that clearly state in their bios that they don't drive and will have to be collected.
Lots of status updates also looking for guys to give a lift to or from various events, not all of which are fab related.
It's no surprise then that guys will see nothing wrong in offering to give someone a lift. |
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"Probably because 99.9% of men are genuinely just offering a lift to wherever you've agreed to do whatever you'd planned. It wouldn't occur to them that women need to consider the 0.01% in everything they do.
That boggles my mind that it wouldn't occur to them. #genderdivide
Because I and many men have never been in that position.
But when my kids were younger I always took my kids with in the car when running their friends home. How many women would feel the need to do that?"
Good point.
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I would offer a lift out of courtesy, not thinking anything else than just helping someone out.
Then again I remember a squaddie telling me this valentines message
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Get in the van
As I have a knife. |
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I have in the past, picked woman and couples up to bring back to mine, in a few instances I have done it late at night after only a brief hour or so of chatting.
But if I offer a lift and a lady declined on safety or whatever reasons then I would fully understand and agree with her decision.
If I was a single girl on here or a dating site I would be very safety conscious myself. |
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"I have in the past, picked woman and couples up to bring back to mine, in a few instances I have done it late at night after only a brief hour or so of chatting.
But if I offer a lift and a lady declined on safety or whatever reasons then I would fully understand and agree with her decision.
If I was a single girl on here or a dating site I would be very safety conscious myself. "
With Mr KC, I would be happy to take greater risk. But as a disabled woman, I'm not going to even contemplate getting into a car with a stranger. I get anxious to be honest about taxis because my wheelchair will be in the boot, usually in bits and I'd be a sitting duck if a taxi driver chose to do something untoward. I only use taxis booked through apps that track the journey and I share the route with my husband, son or other person. |
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"I have in the past, picked woman and couples up to bring back to mine, in a few instances I have done it late at night after only a brief hour or so of chatting.
But if I offer a lift and a lady declined on safety or whatever reasons then I would fully understand and agree with her decision.
If I was a single girl on here or a dating site I would be very safety conscious myself.
With Mr KC, I would be happy to take greater risk. But as a disabled woman, I'm not going to even contemplate getting into a car with a stranger. I get anxious to be honest about taxis because my wheelchair will be in the boot, usually in bits and I'd be a sitting duck if a taxi driver chose to do something untoward. I only use taxis booked through apps that track the journey and I share the route with my husband, son or other person. "
I'm sorry that you have to even more safety conscious. |
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"I don't drive presently and I'm amazed at how many guys say oh don't worry I'll come pick you up. Surely I can't be the only woman who wouldn't get in the car of someone they had never met? So why do so many men offer?
I offer it plenty.
Assuming you are taking the correct precautions and using some of that old common sense judgement. It's fine.
Jumping into the car of a clearly unhinged lunatic, less fine."
But quite often you don't know they're unhinged until it's too late. They're very good at acting "normal".
So it's not fine. |
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"I think guys don't have the same boundaries on personal safety as us girlies ...it's an age old thing 
Exactly, they don't have the same worries as us."
But ironically they are more likely to be assaulted. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't drive presently and I'm amazed at how many guys say oh don't worry I'll come pick you up. Surely I can't be the only woman who wouldn't get in the car of someone they had never met? So why do so many men offer?"
It's polite, get a taxi if you have issues |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don’t mind if they offer as long as they can take my refusal, it would be nuts of me to get into a car with someone I don’t know but I have had a few had a tantrum when I said that wouldn’t feel safe for me
Made me glad I’d said no tbh |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Probably because 99.9% of men are genuinely just offering a lift to wherever you've agreed to do whatever you'd planned. It wouldn't occur to them that women need to consider the 0.01% in everything they do. "
The wise one has spoken. Spot on.
Until I read the OP, it hadn’t even occurred to me that it might be interpreted as unsafe or an act with ulterior motives.
M |
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"I think guys don't have the same boundaries on personal safety as us girlies ...it's an age old thing
Exactly, they don't have the same worries as us.
But ironically they are more likely to be assaulted."
By other men. |
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Also, I'll give an example, some men equate being in their car, to being in their bedroom. Bluntly putting it, happy to get their dick out. Early on I made the mistake of letting a guy pick me up, we got a coffee, parked up, he kissed me... Next minute he's got his dick out and is playing with himself. Broad daylight, public place, expected me to sort him out. I laughed at him, refused and he had to use a sock to cum in.
After reading a verification a few days later from another woman, that was obviously his thing. But he'd never brought it up in all the time we'd spent chatting.
I don't want to be subjected to that thanks  |
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"I don't drive presently and I'm amazed at how many guys say oh don't worry I'll come pick you up. Surely I can't be the only woman who wouldn't get in the car of someone they had never met? So why do so many men offer?"
Why are you amazed? You said that you don't drive - they say that they will pick you up! And if you aren't prepared to get in their car.. why are you even bothering here on fab? You can't have it both ways. Oh poor you who won't get into a strangers car, but doesn't have transport of your own??? You either want a hook up or not babe x  |
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"Probably because 99.9% of men are genuinely just offering a lift to wherever you've agreed to do whatever you'd planned. It wouldn't occur to them that women need to consider the 0.01% in everything they do.
The wise one has spoken. Spot on.
Until I read the OP, it hadn’t even occurred to me that it might be interpreted as unsafe or an act with ulterior motives.
M"
But as you saw from almost all women who commented we are very aware. It's our first thought. I'm lucky enough not to have had any really bad experiences but like most women I have been bothered on public transport. |
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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago
Derry |
"I think guys don't have the same boundaries on personal safety as us girlies ...it's an age old thing
Exactly, they don't have the same worries as us.
But ironically they are more likely to be assaulted.
By other men."
Yet here we are. |
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"I don't drive presently and I'm amazed at how many guys say oh don't worry I'll come pick you up. Surely I can't be the only woman who wouldn't get in the car of someone they had never met? So why do so many men offer?
Why are you amazed? You said that you don't drive - they say that they will pick you up! And if you aren't prepared to get in their car.. why are you even bothering here on fab? You can't have it both ways. Oh poor you who won't get into a strangers car, but doesn't have transport of your own??? You either want a hook up or not babe x "
No as I'm clear on my profile, I don't do hookups. I take public transport to socials. And your use of "poor me" just tells me volumes about you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Probably because 99.9% of men are genuinely just offering a lift to wherever you've agreed to do whatever you'd planned. It wouldn't occur to them that women need to consider the 0.01% in everything they do.
The wise one has spoken. Spot on.
Until I read the OP, it hadn’t even occurred to me that it might be interpreted as unsafe or an act with ulterior motives.
M
But as you saw from almost all women who commented we are very aware. It's our first thought. I'm lucky enough not to have had any really bad experiences but like most women I have been bothered on public transport."
I apologise if I came across as disagreeing with your point. I meant that until I read your OP, it hadn’t occurred to me that the woman might feel unsafe and I presume, for most men who have offered a lift, they are just as clueless. I believe they would have offered it in all sincerity but it’s good to have been made aware of it.
M |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"….like most women I have been bothered on public transport."
Would you mind if I ask what sort of bother women face? It may be a naïve question but I am curious.
Personally, if a woman was being harassed on public transport, I would hope she’d shout it out to shame him.
M |
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"….like most women I have been bothered on public transport.
Would you mind if I ask what sort of bother women face? It may be a naïve question but I am curious.
Personally, if a woman was being harassed on public transport, I would hope she’d shout it out to shame him.
M"
Being touched mostly. But some women get wanked on. They were talking about it on women's hour. |
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"Probably because 99.9% of men are genuinely just offering a lift to wherever you've agreed to do whatever you'd planned. It wouldn't occur to them that women need to consider the 0.01% in everything they do.
The wise one has spoken. Spot on.
Until I read the OP, it hadn’t even occurred to me that it might be interpreted as unsafe or an act with ulterior motives.
M
But as you saw from almost all women who commented we are very aware. It's our first thought. I'm lucky enough not to have had any really bad experiences but like most women I have been bothered on public transport.
I apologise if I came across as disagreeing with your point. I meant that until I read your OP, it hadn’t occurred to me that the woman might feel unsafe and I presume, for most men who have offered a lift, they are just as clueless. I believe they would have offered it in all sincerity but it’s good to have been made aware of it.
M"
No you didn't come across in any bad way. You just don't know what you don't know, which was kind of the point of the post. You would see it as a kind gesture, I would see it as putting myself in a potentially dangerous position. And yes most of the time I would be absolutely safe .I am just not prepared to take the risk so I wondered whether other women do, hence the post. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Probably because 99.9% of men are genuinely just offering a lift to wherever you've agreed to do whatever you'd planned. It wouldn't occur to them that women need to consider the 0.01% in everything they do. "
Even chatting to a man at a bus stop needs to be assessed because saying or doing the wrong thing could cause an issue for the woman. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"….like most women I have been bothered on public transport.
Would you mind if I ask what sort of bother women face? It may be a naïve question but I am curious.
Personally, if a woman was being harassed on public transport, I would hope she’d shout it out to shame him.
M"
Oh yeah that's a great idea. Piss him off further.
Many people wouldn't step in if he started being physical. Best to stay quiet and hope he gets bored and goes away. |
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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago
yumsville |
I can understand declining a lift with a someone you haven't met but I can't understand the annoyance.
If you're interested enough to meet, there's some kind of trust. The offer of a lift shouldn't mean some kind of flag waving - the conversation moves on, it's not as if they are demanding to pick you up.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I can understand declining a lift with a someone you haven't met but I can't understand the annoyance.
If you're interested enough to meet, there's some kind of trust. The offer of a lift shouldn't mean some kind of flag waving - the conversation moves on, it's not as if they are demanding to pick you up.
"
Not at all, meeting them in person is how I gain trust, them showing my safety is a priority to them as well as to me is a way to show I can trust you, dismissing my safety concerns is the annoyance, it just shows what I should expect later down the line - that my safety isn’t paramount to them
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"I don't drive presently and I'm amazed at how many guys say oh don't worry I'll come pick you up. Surely I can't be the only woman who wouldn't get in the car of someone they had never met? So why do so many men offer?"
Million percent this. I drive myself to all my socials/meets. Not only for safety reasons but can then be in control of when I leave.
If anyone offers to pick me up - it does make me think differently about them. |
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"I can understand declining a lift with a someone you haven't met but I can't understand the annoyance.
If you're interested enough to meet, there's some kind of trust. The offer of a lift shouldn't mean some kind of flag waving - the conversation moves on, it's not as if they are demanding to pick you up.
Not at all, meeting them in person is how I gain trust, them showing my safety is a priority to them as well as to me is a way to show I can trust you, dismissing my safety concerns is the annoyance, it just shows what I should expect later down the line - that my safety isn’t paramount to them
"
Completely agree. I explained to someone once multiple aspects of this very thread topic and they just hadn't considered it from that point of view. |
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"Definitely not the only one OP. I've had a holiday offer today, its ok he said, we can facetime first!  "
Omg must be something in the air, I had one yesterday.
For all their cheek I'm assuming there are women out their accepting these offers. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I can understand declining a lift with a someone you haven't met but I can't understand the annoyance.
If you're interested enough to meet, there's some kind of trust. The offer of a lift shouldn't mean some kind of flag waving - the conversation moves on, it's not as if they are demanding to pick you up.
Not at all, meeting them in person is how I gain trust, them showing my safety is a priority to them as well as to me is a way to show I can trust you, dismissing my safety concerns is the annoyance, it just shows what I should expect later down the line - that my safety isn’t paramount to them
Completely agree. I explained to someone once multiple aspects of this very thread topic and they just hadn't considered it from that point of view. "
Yeah, I get it when it’s just something they didn’t consider, it’s when they push anyway and tell us we’re being dramatic or something, huge red flags |
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"Probably because 99.9% of men are genuinely just offering a lift to wherever you've agreed to do whatever you'd planned. It wouldn't occur to them that women need to consider the 0.01% in everything they do. "
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By *iasubTV/TS
over a year ago
Ilkeston |
Nope would never get in a car with someone i havent met face to face before. Too many ways the story can end
Nor would i offer it as I wouldn’t do it so why put the expectation onto someone else |
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"I don't drive presently and I'm amazed at how many guys say oh don't worry I'll come pick you up. Surely I can't be the only woman who wouldn't get in the car of someone they had never met? So why do so many men offer?
Why are you amazed? You said that you don't drive - they say that they will pick you up! And if you aren't prepared to get in their car.. why are you even bothering here on fab? You can't have it both ways. Oh poor you who won't get into a strangers car, but doesn't have transport of your own??? You either want a hook up or not babe x "
There's no need to be like that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't drive presently and I'm amazed at how many guys say oh don't worry I'll come pick you up. Surely I can't be the only woman who wouldn't get in the car of someone they had never met? So why do so many men offer?
Why are you amazed? You said that you don't drive - they say that they will pick you up! And if you aren't prepared to get in their car.. why are you even bothering here on fab? You can't have it both ways. Oh poor you who won't get into a strangers car, but doesn't have transport of your own??? You either want a hook up or not babe x "
Never read so much drivel in my life, with kind of attitude towards others safety is that, you’re talking completely out of your backside and I feel bad for anyone stuck meeting someone with your attitude to their safety concerns
Gross |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There is constant updates and status of women asking for lifts to clubs and various places countless times a day. It's not unknown for women to accept lifts from strangers on here |
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"….like most women I have been bothered on public transport.
Would you mind if I ask what sort of bother women face? It may be a naïve question but I am curious.
Personally, if a woman was being harassed on public transport, I would hope she’d shout it out to shame him.
M"
In the past I've had men sit next to me, when when there are other free seats. Or behind me, and mutter unpleasant things just loud enough for me to hear. It's incredibly unnerving. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Nope would never get in a car with someone i havent met face to face before. Too many ways the story can end
Nor would i offer it as I wouldn’t do it so why put the expectation onto someone else "
This! Absolutely damn nailed it!! Mic drop and all  |
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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago
yumsville |
"I can understand declining a lift with a someone you haven't met but I can't understand the annoyance.
If you're interested enough to meet, there's some kind of trust. The offer of a lift shouldn't mean some kind of flag waving - the conversation moves on, it's not as if they are demanding to pick you up.
Not at all, meeting them in person is how I gain trust, them showing my safety is a priority to them as well as to me is a way to show I can trust you, dismissing my safety concerns is the annoyance, it just shows what I should expect later down the line - that my safety isn’t paramount to them
"
My first sentence was that I understand why people decline a lift. No one is dismissing safety concerns.
Though if a lift is offered and it's declined the conversation moves on and you meet when/wherever you do. It shouldn't be something to that balloons into "I've just escaped an axe murderer" as you declined a lift.
Appreciate things give people the ick but if you'd messaged and were meeting, offering to pick you up would be very late in arranging anything. |
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Marc 