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Ask the Oracle
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Jennie the Omniscient knows all and is once again in her bath of wisdom.
Come to the oracle and ask your question. The great all seeing and all knowing Omnisiah will provide your answer.
.
.
(She's a bit rusty on Quantum Physics though!) |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Oh wise one, how can I too get a bath of wisdom? Mine is just a regular old bath  "
Mine was granted by the Old Ones in recognition of my preternatural gift of Farseeing.
I'd recommend you try B&Q |
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"Oh wise one, how can I too get a bath of wisdom? Mine is just a regular old bath
Mine was granted by the Old Ones in recognition of my preternatural gift of Farseeing.
I'd recommend you try B&Q"
Huh. Last time I was in they just had regular baths and those stupid corner baths. Maybe I should ask them to check the warehouse. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Oh wise one, how can I too get a bath of wisdom? Mine is just a regular old bath
Mine was granted by the Old Ones in recognition of my preternatural gift of Farseeing.
I'd recommend you try B&Q
Huh. Last time I was in they just had regular baths and those stupid corner baths. Maybe I should ask them to check the warehouse. "
Avoid corner baths! |
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Oh darling wise one…
I have a perfect idea for Dragons Den but let’s just say it needs to be shown a few hours after the watershed 
Do you think I should email those pervs at the BBC or will they steal my idea for their kinky persuasions?
Thanks in advance 
* ps. I’m talking about the media enterprise not cock size  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"What is the cure for meddling?"
Meddlars are a delicious fruit similar to Mulberries. They can be cured on drying racks. Either in the sun or in a low oven. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Dear Jennie
How do I get out of the bath when I really cannae be arsed"
Run the cold tap.
Eventually you will have sufficient motivation ti vet your lazy arse out |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Oi, Oracle! When will my new leather look leggings get here, and will they actually fit me?"
They will arrive on Monday.
And they will fit.
Well they'll be a bit tight, but we all expected that anyway |
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By *avinaTVTV/TS
over a year ago
Transsexual Transylvania |
"Oi, Oracle! When will my new leather look leggings get here, and will they actually fit me?
They will arrive on Monday.
And they will fit.
Well they'll be a bit tight, but we all expected that anyway"
Meh. Fair do's. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Oh darling wise one…
I have a perfect idea for Dragons Den but let’s just say it needs to be shown a few hours after the watershed
Do you think I should email those pervs at the BBC or will they steal my idea for their kinky persuasions?
Thanks in advance
* ps. I’m talking about the media enterprise not cock size "
Start a Kickstarter campaign and then pitch direct to Bondara and Lovehobey |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"How do I get
a) red wine
b) barbecue sauce
c) cum
stains out of the sofa?
…asking for a friend.
Yes, it’s the same sofa."
Buy a new sofa of exactly the same design |
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"Oh darling wise one…
I have a perfect idea for Dragons Den but let’s just say it needs to be shown a few hours after the watershed
Do you think I should email those pervs at the BBC or will they steal my idea for their kinky persuasions?
Thanks in advance
* ps. I’m talking about the media enterprise not cock size
Start a Kickstarter campaign and then pitch direct to Bondara and Lovehobey"
Great idea oh wise one… I’m on it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Dear Jennie
How do I get out of the bath when I really cannae be arsed
Run the cold tap.
Eventually you will have sufficient motivation ti vet your lazy arse out"
It worked, I’m out! Thanks Jennie, you’re the best  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"If you’ve moved into a new house and there’s no curtains where do we wipe it?
In her hair
I will let you know how that works out."
You dont need to.
I can see the result already
(It ain't pretty!) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"If you’ve moved into a new house and there’s no curtains where do we wipe it?
In her hair
I will let you know how that works out.
You dont need to.
I can see the result already
(It ain't pretty!) "
The aftermath of sex rarely is. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"If you’ve moved into a new house and there’s no curtains where do we wipe it?
In her hair
I will let you know how that works out.
You dont need to.
I can see the result already
(It ain't pretty!)
The aftermath of sex rarely is."
Be grateful you are not a Black Widow spider! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"When will I get to fuck outdoors during a Summer storm?"
Atmospheric instability and convective potential is looking good for this week. At leatvin terms of storm potential. The fuck bit is very much down to you |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Oh wonderful Jennie please tell me will I ever be sated "
Never.
A gushing jezebel such as yourself can never be fully satisfied.
Sadly.
Soz n shit. |
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By *edeWoman
over a year ago
the abyss |
"Oh wonderful Jennie please tell me will I ever be sated
Never.
A gushing jezebel such as yourself can never be fully satisfied.
Sadly.
Soz n shit. "
Thought as much - I best put a warning out then |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Oh wonderful Jennie please tell me will I ever be sated
Never.
A gushing jezebel such as yourself can never be fully satisfied.
Sadly.
Soz n shit.
Thought as much - I best put a warning out then "
Caution - Wet Floor signs would be good |
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By *edeWoman
over a year ago
the abyss |
"Oh wonderful Jennie please tell me will I ever be sated
Never.
A gushing jezebel such as yourself can never be fully satisfied.
Sadly.
Soz n shit.
Thought as much - I best put a warning out then
Caution - Wet Floor signs would be good "
I best make sure there are plenty waterproof bed sheets too. Can you get waterproof covers for sofas? Asking for a friend |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Oh wonderful Jennie please tell me will I ever be sated
Never.
A gushing jezebel such as yourself can never be fully satisfied.
Sadly.
Soz n shit.
Thought as much - I best put a warning out then
Caution - Wet Floor signs would be good
I best make sure there are plenty waterproof bed sheets too. Can you get waterproof covers for sofas? Asking for a friend "
Garden centres sell covers for outdoor furniture.
That would be your best bet |
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Hope I'm not too late for you unparalleled wisdom, anyway, I was chatting to a friend the other day about a recently lost loved one when I was convinced we got a 'sign from the other side'. It felt like such a touching and moving moment to me, but my friend told me to piss off and she said its literally just a cat shitting in the garden. My question is, who was right? |
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By *avinaTVTV/TS
over a year ago
Transsexual Transylvania |
"[Removed by poster at 11/06/23 03:04:19]
It's late, sorry. She already disavowed any knowledge of quantum physics in her establishing post. 
Ah ok. Time travel?"
Yeah, I've no idea of her knowledge about time travel, but given her position on quantum physics and the fact that she's no rocket scientist, I shouldn't get my hopes up.
Can I help with anything? |
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"[Removed by poster at 11/06/23 03:04:19]
It's late, sorry. She already disavowed any knowledge of quantum physics in her establishing post.
Ah ok. Time travel?
Yeah, I've no idea of her knowledge about time travel, but given her position on quantum physics and the fact that she's no rocket scientist, I shouldn't get my hopes up.
Can I help with anything? "
Well there is one thing but this might not be the right forum… |
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By *avinaTVTV/TS
over a year ago
Transsexual Transylvania |
"[Removed by poster at 11/06/23 03:04:19]
It's late, sorry. She already disavowed any knowledge of quantum physics in her establishing post.
Ah ok. Time travel?
Yeah, I've no idea of her knowledge about time travel, but given her position on quantum physics and the fact that she's no rocket scientist, I shouldn't get my hopes up.
Can I help with anything?
Well there is one thing but this might not be the right forum…"
Errrr... okay? |
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By *avinaTVTV/TS
over a year ago
Transsexual Transylvania |
I'm going to say that if it involves the all knowing effects of a bottle of lube and a rubber glove, you're going to have to wait for The Oracle. I hear that's more her department.  |
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"I'm going to say that if it involves the all knowing effects of a bottle of lube and a rubber glove, you're going to have to wait for The Oracle. I hear that's more her department. "
How long will the oracle be?! |
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By *avinaTVTV/TS
over a year ago
Transsexual Transylvania |
"I'm going to say that if it involves the all knowing effects of a bottle of lube and a rubber glove, you're going to have to wait for The Oracle. I hear that's more her department.
How long will the oracle be?!"
About 5ft 11in. |
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"I'm going to say that if it involves the all knowing effects of a bottle of lube and a rubber glove, you're going to have to wait for The Oracle. I hear that's more her department.
How long will the oracle be?!
About 5ft 11in."
Perfect |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Hope I'm not too late for you unparalleled wisdom, anyway, I was chatting to a friend the other day about a recently lost loved one when I was convinced we got a 'sign from the other side'. It felt like such a touching and moving moment to me, but my friend told me to piss off and she said its literally just a cat shitting in the garden. My question is, who was right? "
If you want it to be a sign, it is a sign.
Cats are sensitive to the ways if the supernatural.
.
But ask yourself this... Is your dearly departed likely to have chosen a cat curling one down on the lawn as a preferred means of comnunication.? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'm going to say that if it involves the all knowing effects of a bottle of lube and a rubber glove, you're going to have to wait for The Oracle. I hear that's more her department.
How long will the oracle be?!"
Fear not!
The Oracle has returned |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"[Removed by poster at 11/06/23 03:04:19]
It's late, sorry. She already disavowed any knowledge of quantum physics in her establishing post.
Ah ok. Time travel?
Yeah, I've no idea of her knowledge about time travel, but given her position on quantum physics and the fact that she's no rocket scientist, I shouldn't get my hopes up.
Can I help with anything?
Well there is one thing but this might not be the right forum…"
Ask.
|
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Dear Oracle, O Wise All Knowing and Seeing Oracle That You Are....
If you keep having guilt dreams about something, do you say fuck it and do it anyway? "
Our dreams are just our inner thoughts manifesting as images as we sleep. Examine the reasons your brain has for giving you the dreams.
Then take a couple if Fuck It tablets and fill yer boots |
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By *r_PinkMan
over a year ago
london stratford |
"When will I find a sexy woman to play with?
There are 7 out there who would take you up on your offer. All you need do is find them! "
Ohh JennieTV ohh wise one!
My TV Oracle .
I have looked but only seem to get faffed off!
please help me seek them out!
only an "d*unken Aunty, who happens to have a cock" can help me!!!! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"When will I find a sexy woman to play with?
There are 7 out there who would take you up on your offer. All you need do is find them!
Ohh JennieTV ohh wise one!
My TV Oracle .
I have looked but only seem to get faffed off!
please help me seek them out!
only an "d*unken Aunty, who happens to have a cock" can help me!!!!"
Start with the one who does Wednesday afternoons in the Co-op. Shes gagging for you |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Oh great and glorious Jennie.
Will this bastard period fuck off by tomorrow evening, or should I just admit defeat and reschedule my plans for the evening now?"
Maybe take a rain check
|
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"Oh great and glorious Jennie.
Will this bastard period fuck off by tomorrow evening, or should I just admit defeat and reschedule my plans for the evening now?
Maybe take a rain check
"
Damnit.
I'm still going to wait for this evening just in case it shows signs of stopping in time. |
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By *r_PinkMan
over a year ago
london stratford |
"When will I find a sexy woman to play with?
There are 7 out there who would take you up on your offer. All you need do is find them!
Ohh JennieTV ohh wise one!
My TV Oracle .
I have looked but only seem to get faffed off!
please help me seek them out!
only an "d*unken Aunty, who happens to have a cock" can help me!!!!
Start with the one who does Wednesday afternoons in the Co-op. Shes gagging for you "
I'm on it |
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