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You say he's just a friend...
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
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Sex and friendship.
Is it something you're comfortable mixing or something you actively avoid? Are there friends you wouldn't have sex with/again with?
Speaking specifically about this site and relationships from here - is friendship more important to you than sex or are you here solely for sex? |
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The when Harry met Sally conundrum. I think it's easier to start off as fwb then to turn an existing friendship into fwb. I have made friends for life with my fwbs even when the sex stops or in the case of one gets a gf. We have seen each other through difficult times. |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
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"The when Harry met Sally conundrum. I think it's easier to start off as fwb then to turn an existing friendship into fwb. I have made friends for life with my fwbs even when the sex stops or in the case of one gets a gf. We have seen each other through difficult times. "
How do you start off as fwbs? I'm not sure if that's a stupid question or not!
I'm quite lucky in that I have good friendships with the majority of those I've had sex with - perhaps the intensity wanes but there's a genuine friendship that lasts even when the sex ends. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I initially came here just for sex 8 years ago, but it turned out that I can't fancy anyone until I get to know them a bit and there's some sort of friendship. I've not been in the position to continue with the friendship once the sex has ended as they didn't want that, which was quite sad for me. Hey ho.
Nell |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I had a best friend on here that turned into more for months and I would never sleep with someone I’m good friends with again because it ruins everything when it ends. And it always ends.
Having said that my nesting partner and I were friends first. I think that was an anomaly. |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
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"Quite rare I find on fab but I like how a friendship can develop and then the fucking commences. The friendship itself can ebb and flow but it’s long lasting  "
Yes, same. I'm increasingly comfortable with the fact I'm demisexual and I need a base level of it. I like those friendships a lot - there's one I'm going to invite to my wedding even though the sex stopped some time ago now. |
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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
I met someone off here who I do have sex with but who I also consider to be one of my closest friends in my life outside of here. A true friend the sex is just an added bonus.
In life outside of here many years ago I had sex with a friend a few times but as I saw him as just a friend more than someone I had sexual chemistry with and he wanted more than just friendship,so it ended,and our friendship was never the same after.
I think it all depends on how both of you feel and you need to be on the same page if a friendship and sex are to work without causing issues. |
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"The when Harry met Sally conundrum. I think it's easier to start off as fwb then to turn an existing friendship into fwb. I have made friends for life with my fwbs even when the sex stops or in the case of one gets a gf. We have seen each other through difficult times.
How do you start off as fwbs? I'm not sure if that's a stupid question or not!
I'm quite lucky in that I have good friendships with the majority of those I've had sex with - perhaps the intensity wanes but there's a genuine friendship that lasts even when the sex ends."
By messaging a lot before meeting. Taking it slowly. There's an expectation to rush quickly into intimacy but I've been lucky and found some wonderful guys who were happy to have a few socials before doing the sex. But saying that I have gone quickly into some and still ended up being true fwb. So that's no real rule. Just pick carefully and make sure you have things in common. |
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I'm happy to mix friendship amd sex with the friends that have the same outlook on such things as I do.
There's some that I know won't be able to keep it in their head at a level that works for me, so I don't fuck them, despite a mutual attraction and secure knowledge that we would have fun.
Sex can enhance friendships for sure, but it can ruin them if the people don't view it the same way I think. |
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I'm comfortable with mixing sex and friendship with the right friends. Those type of friends are very few and far between, but they're the sort of friendships where be both know each other inside and out completely (no pun intended) Communication is key, making sure we're both on the same page with expectations of each other. Talk things through, a lot, before anything happens to make sure it's what we both really want and that there'll be no awkwardness. I've only had 3 friends like this in my lifetime, 2 I'm still close friends with and still have occasional sex with, the other one, the 1st, we just drifted away from each other in life the same way other friendships can do, but still message each other to say hi and catch up every once in a while. I've no regrets from taking any of the friendships further, if anything it made them even better.
As for this site, I'm not just here for sex, I like to get to know someone before meeting up, having some kind of connection and understanding of any partner is important to me whether it's for a one off or something more regular. I'd also like to think that I can make friends with like minded people here even if we don't want to jump into bed with each other. I know it's not what the majority of people are here for, but I'm happy to bide my time and find my type of people. |
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I'm comfortable having sex with a friend I met through here because we are both on the same page and can be naked with each other even when fully dressed.
I've had sex with someone I was friends with for years and it could have damaged our friendship but it fizzled out after a couple of months when we decided our friendship was more important. |
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I'd go beyond saying comfortable mixing to it is essential for me.
Also, when I say friendship I don't mean had a bit of a chat and become acquainted. I want intimacy or the sex is really unlikely to feel enjoyable.
And the friendship is the most important element not a means to an end. Sometimes the chemistry isn't there, or the timing isn't quite right. If there's a friendship it will be something I treasure. |
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I had this with a lovely woman I met here; we met regularly for about a year, lots of messaging in-between; event went on holiday together over one new year. Eventually, however, one of us wanted more and the other didn't. The result: we don't speak or see each other anymore because of this emotional element that has been introduced. A bit of a loss really, as there certainly was a friendship there as well as sexual chemistry,
Some I've encountered have a 3-meet rule, to prevent just this sort of thing from happening. |
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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago
Derry |
It's a potential risk and sometimes it doesn't work. I got to be able to talk with someone and like them not just find them attractive if we're going to have sex. But I'd be lying if I said that sex didn't change anything. |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
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"I came here to explore the sexual side of me rather than on the kink site am on due to fear of being judged by friends "
Ah that's understandable. There's a certain freeness that being on here can afford you. I hope your sexuality exploration continues for you. |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
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"No for me sex and friendship stay totally separate.
Been there, done it and lost friends.
Mrs "
Ah; that's a slight concern of mine. I'd never want to lose a friendship that means a lot to me because of sex. So avoiding situations where that can happen is something I do. Possibly a bit too much sometimes. :D |
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I (male half) have fucked a lot of my female friends in the past, and I’m still friends with them now. It was always a zero expectations thing and as far as I’m aware, never caused an issue. The important thing, I’ve found, is to be straight with people about what you want and listen to what they want too. |
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Friendship first, always. I have made some amazing friends from here where the sex stopped for different reasons but it didn't affect the friendship. If I can't be friends with someone, I'm not interested in having sex with them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I initially came here just for sex 8 years ago, but it turned out that I can't fancy anyone until I get to know them a bit and there's some sort of friendship. I've not been in the position to continue with the friendship once the sex has ended as they didn't want that, which was quite sad for me. Hey ho.
Nell"
Hang on an minute!! 
MrWho. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’ll fuck anyone, friend or not
I could predict two things - one you'd be the first to reply, second, it'd be that sort of reply. :D"
I dunno what that says about me  |
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By *TG3Man
over a year ago
Dorchester |
"Sex and friendship.
Is it something you're comfortable mixing or something you actively avoid? Are there friends you wouldn't have sex with/again with?
Speaking specifically about this site and relationships from here - is friendship more important to you than sex or are you here solely for sex?"
friendship before sex any day  |
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Most of the people on our friends list we haven't had sex with ?? just had a Adult grown up conversation and agreed on the fact we enjoyed their company !! and afew on the list we have had sexy fun with but class them as friends now ?? trouble with just being on here just for "Sex" and "Sex" only surely you do run out people to shag or who you want to shag or shag you and becomes all rather desperate ?? and quite exhausting aswell ??  |
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The vast majority of sex is so much better when it's sex with a friend - someone you like, admire, feel comfortable with, enjoy making happy, trust, etc. Easier to be playful, easier to be imaginative and explore, easier to adjust if something doesn't go right. The FWB term is a good one. Most of the best sex is with someone you're as pleased to spend time with before and after, as you are whilst getting down and dirty; someone you kiss as happily out of fondness as out of sexual excitement. Unless it's a literal fuck and go, or a club encounter, it's best with friendship all the way.
Agree with others about the importance of communication, to stop a mismatch of expectations ruining the friendship and the sex alike. |
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Both are of equal importance: I'm here for the sex and I'm here for the friendship. I have no intention of sacrificing one for the other. Both, however, are of unequal 'weighting' when considered: sex brought me to Fab and it's why I remain; friendship became the residual byproduct from the sex (foremost), the fab-organised socials and the fora.
If I had solely been looking for friendship then Fab would have been the least obvious option and choice, and I wouldn't have signed up to Fab.
Do I mix sex with friendships? I don't actively pursue that dynamic and nor do I consciously avoid it.
I have a few Fab friends who are immutably platonic. We somehow knew that - without actually talking about it - we wouldn't consummate because our relationship was too invaluably deep-rooted for it to be compromised.
For me — sex and friendship is intrinsically linked. My sexual partner is often my confidante, my paramour and my dear friend with whom I can share at every level, communicate fervently and also recline in comfortable silences. |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
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"I initially came here just for sex 8 years ago, but it turned out that I can't fancy anyone until I get to know them a bit and there's some sort of friendship. I've not been in the position to continue with the friendship once the sex has ended as they didn't want that, which was quite sad for me. Hey ho.
Nell"
Oh Nell, I'm sorry if that's what you wanted (to continue the friendship).
Did you go through a sweet shop phase? I did. It was... fantastic but now I think I'd be bone dry if I attempted to. :D |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
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"I had a best friend on here that turned into more for months and I would never sleep with someone I’m good friends with again because it ruins everything when it ends. And it always ends.
Having said that my nesting partner and I were friends first. I think that was an anomaly. "
I love it too!  Was hoping someone would get it. Definitely a karaoke song for me.
Things do end, that's natural but it doesn't mean all endings have to be unpleasant. Sometimes it shifts gently into a friendship, perhaps not with that level of closeness one had but still very much there. Maybe I'm an an optimist. Your experience sounds quite tough; I'm sorry you had to go through that. x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Friends who also want to rip each others clothes is great. I want people I'd happily spend time socially with as well as sexualy.
I'm not really one for the whole fuck and go. One to one I don't mind admitting I want the boyfriend experience. I want dates and snuggles, I want the trust and ability to explore but I don't want the drama or the need to give up on being single. Fortunately I think I've found that.
I'm pretty open minded to most things though. I've spent far too many years over thinking and breaking my own heart by investing in people who aren't prepared to make the same effort. I won't do that again.
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Close friendship is of the utmost Importantance to me. When we celebrate our friendship with intimacy, we reach an emotional level that is amazing to share with each other.
Like when I pull a bloke at a social, sometimes we become fuck buddys, sometimes we don't
Sometimes a friendship has a sexual side that is actually incompatible with each other, but we would remain friends and do mates stuff together
Also sometimes friends suddenly just disappear and that's what they need to do. I do however have a hard nose regarding those circumstances  |
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I don't get that so many try to sort friendship, love and relationships into a very limited set of boxes. Personally I've found over the years these things are actually a wide spectrum and what you have with different people can fall anywhere across that spectrum and may not neatly fit into the neat little boxes society expects.
Mr |
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