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People with autism: Do you find you're a lot less mature than peers of your age?
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Just curious if this has anything to do with my autism but I find I act a lot younger than my age and relate more to people younger. Not in a weird way, I'm not hanging around with a group of teenagers, but I'm 33 and relate a lot more to people in their early and mid twenties than people my age. I feel like I'm also about 7-10 years behind in terms of social progression compared to the average person my age. Like I lost my virginity at 25 (average is 15/16), passed my driving test at 28 (average is 18) and feel like I've only started to really take the idea of a career seriously when I was 31, and the average university graduation age is 21/22. Not sure if it's a common autism thing or just me personally being socially immature. What are the experiences of other autistic people in terms of social progression? |
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"Just curious if this has anything to do with my autism but I find I act a lot younger than my age and relate more to people younger. Not in a weird way, I'm not hanging around with a group of teenagers, but I'm 33 and relate a lot more to people in their early and mid twenties than people my age. I feel like I'm also about 7-10 years behind in terms of social progression compared to the average person my age. Like I lost my virginity at 25 (average is 15/16), passed my driving test at 28 (average is 18) and feel like I've only started to really take the idea of a career seriously when I was 31, and the average university graduation age is 21/22. Not sure if it's a common autism thing or just me personally being socially immature. What are the experiences of other autistic people in terms of social progression?"
I work with quite a few fellas in their 30s they all same very very immature compared to when I was that young. Nothing to do with autism. |
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I was late diagnosed and did everything “on track” like it was expected of me. Uni, marriage, kids etc., so as far as social progression goes i very much followed what I perceived to be the rules.
I do see myself as less mature than my peers, i think it’s because autistic people don’t always follow societal norms when it comes to hobbies and interests. We don’t tend to be like “I’m in my 40s now so I shouldn’t like Disney any more”… we like what we like. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's quite normal, I am a parent of 2 sons with autism, and work with children with autism too. Being "mature is overrated" Just be you, and be proud of your neurodiversity x"
Haha, another new word  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My 18 year old has autism. She's always been mature for her age, and has always been more comfortable with people a little older than her. Having said that, she has more cuddlies than she ever did as a child, but that's the tactile side of her autism.
Autism is individual to the person, embrace your neurodiversity and be you  |
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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago
Derry |
"Just curious if this has anything to do with my autism but I find I act a lot younger than my age and relate more to people younger. Not in a weird way, I'm not hanging around with a group of teenagers, but I'm 33 and relate a lot more to people in their early and mid twenties than people my age. I feel like I'm also about 7-10 years behind in terms of social progression compared to the average person my age. Like I lost my virginity at 25 (average is 15/16), passed my driving test at 28 (average is 18) and feel like I've only started to really take the idea of a career seriously when I was 31, and the average university graduation age is 21/22. Not sure if it's a common autism thing or just me personally being socially immature. What are the experiences of other autistic people in terms of social progression?"
First autism is an umbrella term, what applies to you may not apply to anyone else.
In some regards I way ahead of the curve, others respects I definitely wasn't.
Stop comparing yourself with others, the only person you're in competition with is yourself. Remember comparison is the thief of joy.
All my kids are on the spectrum and thats where the comparison ends. 2 that are close in age are totally different in every regard, appearance, symptoms, achievements, outlook, ability....... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My son has aspergers as is definitely a few years behind socially "
The kids I know very well present similar. Social skills such as taking turns, emphatic behaviour etc are not on par with peers. School environment doesn't always recognise that and focuses on cognitive side, hitting targets etc. Tough.
T |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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That's a tough question, as there are so many nuances. I was always told I was "wise beyond my years" as a child and teenager due to having an analytical brain and the ability to consider most things from multiple angles, yet some aspects of my behaviour were, and are still, quite child-like. My autistic son is the same. We're both very physical when expressing our emotions, little dances of joy, hand claps, even occasional foot stamping when displeased. That stuff looks very immature to the outside observer, as though we're developmentally stuck in our pre-pubescent years and haven't learned to contain ourselves. I actually think it's more likely due to our sensory differences and not caring as much about social norms, what people think etc.
However, I started having boyfriends at the same time as my peers, got married fairly young (23) had kids, mortgage, bills etc....
I've never had the energy or motivation for a career. I work, but it's a low responsibility job that I enjoy. All my emotional resources are eaten up by parenting and domestic chores, so there's nothing left to devote to a career. My earning potential is very low as a result, but that doesn't bother me. It is what it is. |
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No. In some ways I've always been an old soul. My path has meandered and been non traditional, but it's not lesser and certainly not less mature.
I bet your path isn't lesser, either. We shouldn't all be the same. |
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My eleven year old is on the spectrum too and I do worry about being mature enough as he becomes a teenager to start to manage hormones, social signals, etc. Thank you all for your comments. Great comfort. |
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I got own children as well as step kids. You need to stop over thinking they do stuff at own speed mature when ready
. I am 60 but not sure I matured yet !!! I worked with 30 year old that are like old men . Just treat everyone as individual people be it with adhd autism or whatever. I was in a cafe not long ago 2 people I guess with downs helping clear tables bring drink etc. Bigger smile on faces than half other staff |
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"No. In some ways I've always been an old soul. My path has meandered and been non traditional, but it's not lesser and certainly not less mature.
I bet your path isn't lesser, either. We shouldn't all be the same."
You do come across as an old soul  |
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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago
Derry |
"My eleven year old is on the spectrum too and I do worry about being mature enough as he becomes a teenager to start to manage hormones, social signals, etc. Thank you all for your comments. Great comfort. "
Water finds it's own level eventually. As a parent you will worry. One of mine is very intelligent and green as grass when it comes to people.
I mentioned it before but reading helps to understand people. Something else that really works for two of mine is acting and performing. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I shirk responsibility, which may be a sign of immaturity - but I'm also aware of my limits, which is more grown up than many.
I don't think I'm childish in my attitude, but I am childlike in my presentation.
(diagnosed aspie with ADHD) |
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"My son has aspergers as is definitely a few years behind socially "
Mine is the exact same, as is most of my family. But when it comes to learning, financial responsibility and just taking on responsibility in general, we all matured early. Even my son. He has insisted on helping with cleaning since he was around 5. Then it was making his breakfast. Now he cooks most meals or helps cook them and it helps him yo eat food he would never even try in other situations. I'm taking it as a win |
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In some areas.
Most of my friends are 10 to 20 years older than me because I've always found people my own age a bit asinine and not intellectually developed enough to be interesting.
I was diagnosed really late and had to go to a normal comprehensive which has made me more capable than I would otherwise have been I think. Although the trauma also caused a lot of permanent psychological problems.
In terms of my personal life I think I'm a long way behind where I should be.
I've got few friends, never been in love, can't drive (despite repeated efforts) and rely on my parents for help with a lot of things. |
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Autism is unique for each person with it, so it's important to just understand and accept yourself. A lot of externally perceived maturity is socially ingrained, rather than the natural personality and expression of it. Don't get hung up and waste effort comparing yourself. Just enjoy being your natural self.  |
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I've never had a big problem accepting myself. It's just other people didn't.
Everyone likes to pass comment on how you ought to live, and I used to take this to heart and it upset me.
It's only in the last few years that I've accepted myself, or rather, stopped caring what other people think. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My son has aspergers as is definitely a few years behind socially
Mine is the exact same, as is most of my family. But when it comes to learning, financial responsibility and just taking on responsibility in general, we all matured early. Even my son. He has insisted on helping with cleaning since he was around 5. Then it was making his breakfast. Now he cooks most meals or helps cook them and it helps him yo eat food he would never even try in other situations. I'm taking it as a win"
Oh that’s a good point actually, my son is good with money and has a great work ethic. Works as a chef and he too makes all sorts of lovely food he won’t eat  |
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