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Am I bovered doe?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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So I’ve been having thoughts these days. So many thoughts. And more than usual.
So do you care about what others think of you? Do you mind being disliked?
I know some people genuinely don’t care which I think is such an ideal space to be in. I try not to care but I do have this crippling desire to be liked or to please everyone. Did you think There’s a generational difference here? Growing up with social media for example? Do you think there’s an age factor in your thoughts? As in did you care more when you were younger than you did now?
Anyway TL;DR- So do you care about what others think of you? Do you mind being disliked? not just strangers on the internet but also colleagues, family, friends etc too.
Hmmm anyway only one more get up then it’s the weekend  |
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By *ruceyyMan
over a year ago
London |
I only care when people think my face is too gross to handle 
Other than that I like being liked for being me obviously but generally if people think I'm a massive dickhead for things I genuinely think have been blown way out of proportion, I couldn't give a shit |
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"So I’ve been having thoughts these days. So many thoughts. And more than usual.
So do you care about what others think of you? Do you mind being disliked?
I know some people genuinely don’t care which I think is such an ideal space to be in. I try not to care but I do have this crippling desire to be liked or to please everyone. Did you think There’s a generational difference here? Growing up with social media for example? Do you think there’s an age factor in your thoughts? As in did you care more when you were younger than you did now?
Anyway TL;DR- So do you care about what others think of you? Do you mind being disliked? not just strangers on the internet but also colleagues, family, friends etc too.
Hmmm anyway only one more get up then it’s the weekend "
Disliked? I'd wonder why, but wouldn't dwell. We can't be all things to all people.
I expect most to have little to no opinion of me as why would a relative stranger have a strong viewpoint? I can easily accept that I'm not everyone's cup of tea and that's all good. There are some who I care how they feel and a few who I really want to like me for who I am.
Everyone else can have whatever opinion they want. It doesn't change me in any way, how I feel or act, who I engage with and what I do.
I gave up playing the popularity game a long, long time ago. Life's to short to care for the opinions of those you don't value in life.
Chin up Steve. You come across as a thoroughly decent guy on here and I can see no reason anyone would think otherwise. 
Illegitimis non carborundum
A |
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Long before social media or the internet it was nice to be appreciated and/or liked but it wasn't at any cost.
I never succumbed to peer pressure just to be liked or accepted.
I was the only one in my circle not to drink or smoke and they all respected that.
In later years I haven't allowed shallow online engagement to have any effect at all.
That's why I don't spend my time blowing smoke up backsides and don't have to be the loudest voice or the most productive in the hope of getting attention.
I still like to be liked but only by people that I like.
Everyone else is irrelevant. |
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It truly doesn't bother me, I live my life how I want to live it. It is mine after all 
I think having a small group of close secure friends on here helps with the mindset, I know 100% they would never bitch or slag me off to people and if I needed them they are there for me.
Happy to be just social friends with lots of people, being polite and chatty whilst out with them or online is easy, it's when they delve into your personal life, that makes me put the brakes on hard.
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I don’t care about being disliked as long as I know about it. It’s the behind the back stuff that gets to me.
As for being liked I would rather keep it above 50% in the positive but saying that I’m not going to change to make people like me. It’s not that important.
I know I’m not the funniest on fab or even in the top 50% of hottest males but that’s who I am.
I have enough internal struggles without looking externally as well
Marc |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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All I’ll say is I’m glad social media wasn’t a thing when I was growing up
On the whole I’m not that bothered what people think of me unless they’re important people in my life  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I only care when people think my face is too gross to handle
Other than that I like being liked for being me obviously but generally if people think I'm a massive dickhead for things I genuinely think have been blown way out of proportion, I couldn't give a shit one of these face pic Fridays I’m gonna need to see your face, Bruce  "
He’s got a lovely face, his mum says so |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't care what others think of me now.(try and keep up lol) I have never been a follower,never been one to go with the crowd because its cool. I felt fine, until i didnt. I was left out of plans because the people thought i was rude by not going along with something i just didnt want to do. I started to care too too much feeling like I did wrong which overwhelmed me. So shut myself away.
Now I've had time to examine it and I don't care what total strangers think of me, which in turn, works as there's no pressure on myself.
Given myself a headache now lol |
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I used to be more concerned about being liked than I am now. I don't know if it was due to being young. It possibly was. I still would prefer to be liked, but it doesn't upset me so much if I'm not.
I'm actively hated by my mother in law. But I like that, as it means I can hate her back without guilt |
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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago
Derry |
"So I’ve been having thoughts these days. So many thoughts. And more than usual.
So do you care about what others think of you? Do you mind being disliked?
I know some people genuinely don’t care which I think is such an ideal space to be in. I try not to care but I do have this crippling desire to be liked or to please everyone. Did you think There’s a generational difference here? Growing up with social media for example? Do you think there’s an age factor in your thoughts? As in did you care more when you were younger than you did now?
Anyway TL;DR- So do you care about what others think of you? Do you mind being disliked? not just strangers on the internet but also colleagues, family, friends etc too.
Hmmm anyway only one more get up then it’s the weekend "
Uh, maybe or then again. Sure it's nice to be liked and validated. But the most important relationship is the one you have with yourself. The way you treat and view yourself has a greater impact than someone else. You got to live with yourself not some impolite internet entity. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
Disliked? I'd wonder why, but wouldn't dwell. We can't be all things to all people.
I expect most to have little to no opinion of me as why would a relative stranger have a strong viewpoint? I can easily accept that I'm not everyone's cup of tea and that's all good. There are some who I care how they feel and a few who I really want to like me for who I am.
Everyone else can have whatever opinion they want. It doesn't change me in any way, how I feel or act, who I engage with and what I do.
I gave up playing the popularity game a long, long time ago. Life's to short to care for the opinions of those you don't value in life.
Chin up Steve. You come across as a thoroughly decent guy on here and I can see no reason anyone would think otherwise.
Illegitimis non carborundum
A"
Thoughtful as always, A. I think this is a great outlook. And actually I agree that people mustn’t change who they are simply because someone doesn’t like them. Unless it’s like everyone doesn’t like them, then look inwards.
I wish I didn’t care about people of no value but I have this annoying people pleasing thing which means I always want to make people happy. Eurgh.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I couldn't care less who likes me and who doesn't.
The people who dislike me usually have never met me in person and do so because they assume something has been said towards them or they don't like the fact not everyone in life will agree with them on any subject.
That says more about them and their issues to not be able to understand everyone else has a different mindset in life, we don't always need to agree with everyone.
Hating and disliking people is such a stupid way to live life without an actual decent reason to do so.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Bothered... ish... n't
Yeah absolutely social media is an external locus of evaluation machine. Everyone's a critic now."
Honestly, social media is just… I sometimes wonder what it would’ve been like growing up without it. Less arguments. And less judgement. And less people hating you because of gossip. Less social exclusion to worry about. Etc etc.
but in many ways I love social media so |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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On here I couldn’t really care less about who likes me and who doesn’t. They know absolutely nothing about me and their judgment would purely be based on what I write on here. If that’s enough to cause someone to dislike me then oh well *shrugs*
In the real world it does effect me a little if it’s someone I know personally. I like to think I’m a decent person to my friends and family so it would make me question what I’d done. |
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Yes both generational and age. You do stop caring as much as you get in your forties. Though there will always be those who care until they die.
Just keep focussing on your self confidence and strengthen you own self worth. There is no magic bullet but daily affirmations can help refocus your attention. You are a big character, Steve. You will always polarise opinions. Just focus on the ones who like you and call the rest cunts. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So I’ve been having thoughts these days. So many thoughts. And more than usual.
So do you care about what others think of you? Do you mind being disliked?
… "
Just got to accept it, not everyone gets along with everyone!
It bothers me oddly enough when I think I’m not liked by someone I like, but I accept it. Because that’s just how things are.
My age makes me wise.  |
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"I couldn't care less who likes me and who doesn't.
The people who dislike me usually have never met me in person and do so because they assume something has been said towards them or they don't like the fact not everyone in life will agree with them on any subject.
That says more about them and their issues to not be able to understand everyone else has a different mindset in life, we don't always need to agree with everyone.
Hating and disliking people is such a stupid way to live life without an actual decent reason to do so.
"
Exactly |
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If you can go through life making a positive impact to others either by development or plain helping them then you’re not going far wrong.
The older I get the more I genuinely have no F’s to give about what others think of me so long as I know I’ve given my very best to them. If they choose not to listen to the advice and guidance I’ve given, or spurn the help I offer then that’s on them.
In my twenties it was totally different. I needed to be heard. Sick of being in other’s shadow. With that I became argumentative and obnoxious at times because I didn’t know any different. Funny how our stand points can change through time and experience.
If I looked at myself in my teens and twenties I wouldn’t like me. Now, I am me. It’s you who either likes me or doesn’t. But rest assured I’m not going to be trying to win you over. You either hold onto my hips and come for the ride, or stay where you are. |
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"Bothered... ish... n't
Yeah absolutely social media is an external locus of evaluation machine. Everyone's a critic now.
Honestly, social media is just… I sometimes wonder what it would’ve been like growing up without it. Less arguments. And less judgement. And less people hating you because of gossip. Less social exclusion to worry about. Etc etc.
but in many ways I love social media so "
There was always gossip though. Be it in school, uni, work or just over the back fence with neighbours.
If anything it was worse as people formed opinions on others without ever knowing or meeting them. At least with social media people get a chance to see you and how you portray yourself so they can form their own opinion, rather than just take the verbal word of another.
Social media is a bit shit at times, but it can also be good.
A |
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Nah its all gravy who cares, in the real world and through my job I'm probably not liked much, though I do hope I make a difference to people's lives, for social media this is the only platform we use and there's so many different characters on here some might like you and some won't, am I bovered am I fuck. |
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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago
Derry |
"Bothered... ish... n't
Yeah absolutely social media is an external locus of evaluation machine. Everyone's a critic now.
Honestly, social media is just… I sometimes wonder what it would’ve been like growing up without it. Less arguments. And less judgement. And less people hating you because of gossip. Less social exclusion to worry about. Etc etc.
but in many ways I love social media so "
Social media is not your friend. I'd liken it to an abusive relationship. |
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I didn't grow up with social media thankfully. The first thing I used was FB and I was 18/19 at that point. Also have never given a shit about what people think. I am who I am, can't be everyone's cup of tea and wouldn't want to be. I will stand up for what I believe in and if people don't like that then they are not people I'd want to concern myself with. |
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I only care what the people I love think of me or if they dislike me luckily they all seem to be able to tolerate me. I can't control what anyone else thinks of me because they all have their own experiences, likes and dislikes that will influence their opinion. I don't think anybody can completely rid themselves of the need for approvalfrom comparative strangers if it's hardwired, I was lucky in that I was just born this way.
It must be awful in this social media driven age being constantly presented with airbrushed versions of other people's perfect lives and subject to judgement from them and yourself if you don't match up. It's like the popular girl/boy at school laughing at you times one million. |
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By *mf123Man
over a year ago
with one foot out the door |
After reading op id say d.i.l.i.g.a.f is my mentality its nice to be liked and have nice things said about you but in the end its a hollow fleeting feeling so the same goes the other way theres only one or two people made me give a shit and neither are there for me anymore so its simple to not allow another that power |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Long before social media or the internet it was nice to be appreciated and/or liked but it wasn't at any cost.
I never succumbed to peer pressure just to be liked or accepted.
I was the only one in my circle not to drink or smoke and they all respected that.
In later years I haven't allowed shallow online engagement to have any effect at all.
That's why I don't spend my time blowing smoke up backsides and don't have to be the loudest voice or the most productive in the hope of getting attention.
I still like to be liked but only by people that I like.
Everyone else is irrelevant."
I think this is good. A good perspective to have. And I see it.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"It truly doesn't bother me, I live my life how I want to live it. It is mine after all
I think having a small group of close secure friends on here helps with the mindset, I know 100% they would never bitch or slag me off to people and if I needed them they are there for me.
Happy to be just social friends with lots of people, being polite and chatty whilst out with them or online is easy, it's when they delve into your personal life, that makes me put the brakes on hard.
"
Oh but Comtessa, I find it hard to believe anyone dislikes you. And I say that having met you more than once. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I don’t care about being disliked as long as I know about it. It’s the behind the back stuff that gets to me.
As for being liked I would rather keep it above 50% in the positive but saying that I’m not going to change to make people like me. It’s not that important.
I know I’m not the funniest on fab or even in the top 50% of hottest males but that’s who I am.
I have enough internal struggles without looking externally as well
Marc "
Marc, this is so real. And partly it’s where I’m at and partly where I want to be. Definitely not changing for anyone. I want to get to not caring about being disliked but at this point in my life every dislike feels like a knock on who I am as a person and makes me reflect on why I might be so dislikeable. I know it’s not healthy |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"All I’ll say is I’m glad social media wasn’t a thing when I was growing up
On the whole I’m not that bothered what people think of me unless they’re important people in my life "
Social media is a real bastard I think. But also it’s brought me so much joy and so many friends that have become real, important people in my life. Also keeps me up with the cultural references. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I don't care what others think of me now.(try and keep up lol) I have never been a follower,never been one to go with the crowd because its cool. I felt fine, until i didnt. I was left out of plans because the people thought i was rude by not going along with something i just didnt want to do. I started to care too too much feeling like I did wrong which overwhelmed me. So shut myself away.
Now I've had time to examine it and I don't care what total strangers think of me, which in turn, works as there's no pressure on myself.
Given myself a headache now lol"
It’s good that you’ve reached this point! I’ll try and keep up more |
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Steve, enough with these personally attacking threads!
I'm a people pleaser and definitely like to be liked. This can go hand in hand to be unhealthy/toxic for me at times.
Over the last couple of years I've rebuilt my self esteem from the ground up with a real emphasis on what I think about me rather than other people. I'm getting good at setting boundaries and not caring what people think of me because of it.
J |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I used to be more concerned about being liked than I am now. I don't know if it was due to being young. It possibly was. I still would prefer to be liked, but it doesn't upset me so much if I'm not.
I'm actively hated by my mother in law. But I like that, as it means I can hate her back without guilt "
I get you. I think youth does play a part in it actually. Finding peace with it is so good. And hating in laws back is so funny and so great love that for you
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I only care when people think my face is too gross to handle
Other than that I like being liked for being me obviously but generally if people think I'm a massive dickhead for things I genuinely think have been blown way out of proportion, I couldn't give a shit one of these face pic Fridays I’m gonna need to see your face, Bruce
He’s got a lovely face, his mum says so "
One of these faces that only a mother can love! I have the same with my dog - most people think he's an ugly brute, and unfortunately comments about owners looking like their pets arises  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"So I’ve been having thoughts these days. So many thoughts. And more than usual.
So do you care about what others think of you? Do you mind being disliked?
I know some people genuinely don’t care which I think is such an ideal space to be in. I try not to care but I do have this crippling desire to be liked or to please everyone. Did you think There’s a generational difference here? Growing up with social media for example? Do you think there’s an age factor in your thoughts? As in did you care more when you were younger than you did now?
Anyway TL;DR- So do you care about what others think of you? Do you mind being disliked? not just strangers on the internet but also colleagues, family, friends etc too.
Hmmm anyway only one more get up then it’s the weekend
Uh, maybe or then again. Sure it's nice to be liked and validated. But the most important relationship is the one you have with yourself. The way you treat and view yourself has a greater impact than someone else. You got to live with yourself not some impolite internet entity."
That’s some real and deep ish. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I couldn't care less who likes me and who doesn't.
The people who dislike me usually have never met me in person and do so because they assume something has been said towards them or they don't like the fact not everyone in life will agree with them on any subject.
That says more about them and their issues to not be able to understand everyone else has a different mindset in life, we don't always need to agree with everyone.
Hating and disliking people is such a stupid way to live life without an actual decent reason to do so.
"
I agree it’s silly disliking people simply because of difference in opinion. I wouldn’t dislike someone because they disagreed that oat milk tastes better than almond milk.
But I do think it’s ok to dislike people you’ve never met in person if based on things that would be the same in person- if that makes sense. some things are discussed in the online space more than in person so I get why you might form an opinion of someone on social media quicker than if you got chatting at a party. |
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"I only care what the people I love think of me or if they dislike me luckily they all seem to be able to tolerate me. I can't control what anyone else thinks of me because they all have their own experiences, likes and dislikes that will influence their opinion. I don't think anybody can completely rid themselves of the need for approvalfrom comparative strangers if it's hardwired, I was lucky in that I was just born this way.
It must be awful in this social media driven age being constantly presented with airbrushed versions of other people's perfect lives and subject to judgement from them and yourself if you don't match up. It's like the popular girl/boy at school laughing at you times one million. "
Yes I agree. I care what the people
I love think. Everyone else no I really don’t.
Also agree that social media must make it much worse. So glad I grew up when I did. The bullying can be awful, especially with young vulnerable kids. Been through it briefly with my daughter. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"On here I couldn’t really care less about who likes me and who doesn’t. They know absolutely nothing about me and their judgment would purely be based on what I write on here. If that’s enough to cause someone to dislike me then oh well *shrugs*
In the real world it does affect me a little if it’s someone I know personally. I like to think I’m a decent person to my friends and family so it would make me question what I’d done. "
In real life I find it really hard to navigate. Not being in some spaces, some conversations etc. it stresses me out a lot. Lmao |
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There are maybe a couple of people who's opinions about me I value. There are a few others who I hope think that I'm on the whole a decent human being. Everyone else can like me or lump me or just be totally indifferent to my existence.
The only thing that I wish I could change would be to find a fwb that cared about me, but that doesn't seem to be happening, and pretty sure I'd disappoint anyway. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So do you care about what others think of you? Do you mind being disliked? not just strangers on the internet but also colleagues, family, friends etc too.
Hmmm anyway only one more get up then it’s the weekend "
Sorry Mr P, should have answered your question. In my formative years, yes that was massively important. Even now, I would prefer people to like me, though because I often don't take things seriously I can see that this is an annoying trait to some (many?). In work, I expect to be taken seriously, not necessary liked, though my employees do like me (well at least they like the work and freedom that comes with working with me), and I think many professionals in the sphere I work in respect me (some don't cos they know I think they are twats). Amongst family, well we grew up together, we know each others failings, we piss each other off, and we are now old enough with families, such that we do not see each other much (but we can still annoy each other long distance).
With friends, I seem to have maintained them over the years, still have the ability to irritate them, but they can be quite forebearing.
It's nice to be liked, but if someone doesn't like me and makes it clear through their actions or comments to me or others, I will confront them, but if that has no effect then I tend to have two reactions, one is to distance myself from them, and the other is to make them look like a complete and utter twonk.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Random thought- I think if I think highly of the person I care more.
For example if someone I respect from their views and our interactions turned out to not like me or be talking negatively about me I’d be more hurt than if it was someone I didn’t or that I didn’t even know that go they were. And I think that’s why I added in the TLDR that this isn’t just about fab. I’m including the world outside of fab because it is way more of our lives. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Steve, enough with these personally attacking threads!
I'm a people pleaser and definitely like to be liked. This can go hand in hand to be unhealthy/toxic for me at times.
Over the last couple of years I've rebuilt my self esteem from the ground up with a real emphasis on what I think about me rather than other people. I'm getting good at setting boundaries and not caring what people think of me because of it.
J "
You’re just great, J. Honestly this is so nice for me to read. Except the first line |
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"I only care what the people I love think of me or if they dislike me luckily they all seem to be able to tolerate me. I can't control what anyone else thinks of me because they all have their own experiences, likes and dislikes that will influence their opinion. I don't think anybody can completely rid themselves of the need for approvalfrom comparative strangers if it's hardwired, I was lucky in that I was just born this way.
It must be awful in this social media driven age being constantly presented with airbrushed versions of other people's perfect lives and subject to judgement from them and yourself if you don't match up. It's like the popular girl/boy at school laughing at you times one million.
Yes I agree. I care what the people
I love think. Everyone else no I really don’t.
Also agree that social media must make it much worse. So glad I grew up when I did. The bullying can be awful, especially with young vulnerable kids. Been through it briefly with my daughter. "
Social media is very difficult to get away from isn't it. If I sense that someone doesn't like me or is actively nasty to me I remove myself (or them) if possible and on social media I block. If I was 16 and wanted to be involved with all the stuff my friends were it would be more difficult.
When our son was being bullied at school we were prepared to remove him from the situation rather than continually send him in to face it. Fortunately it was eventually sorted. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Yes both generational and age. You do stop caring as much as you get in your forties. Though there will always be those who care until they die.
Just keep focussing on your self confidence and strengthen you own self worth. There is no magic bullet but daily affirmations can help refocus your attention. You are a big character, Steve. You will always polarise opinions. Just focus on the ones who like you and call the rest cunts."
If someone doesn’t like me for my views on ‘more serious topics’ I tend to care way less. If someone doesn’t like me because they find me annoying I hate that more but that’s also based on things were told When were younger etc.
Can’t wait to be in my forties and not give a shit  |
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"Yes both generational and age. You do stop caring as much as you get in your forties. Though there will always be those who care until they die.
Just keep focussing on your self confidence and strengthen you own self worth. There is no magic bullet but daily affirmations can help refocus your attention. You are a big character, Steve. You will always polarise opinions. Just focus on the ones who like you and call the rest cunts.
If someone doesn’t like me for my views on ‘more serious topics’ I tend to care way less. If someone doesn’t like me because they find me annoying I hate that more but that’s also based on things were told When were younger etc.
Can’t wait to be in my forties and not give a shit "
Don't wait until your forties. Do it now. |
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"I only care what the people I love think of me or if they dislike me luckily they all seem to be able to tolerate me. I can't control what anyone else thinks of me because they all have their own experiences, likes and dislikes that will influence their opinion. I don't think anybody can completely rid themselves of the need for approvalfrom comparative strangers if it's hardwired, I was lucky in that I was just born this way.
It must be awful in this social media driven age being constantly presented with airbrushed versions of other people's perfect lives and subject to judgement from them and yourself if you don't match up. It's like the popular girl/boy at school laughing at you times one million.
Yes I agree. I care what the people
I love think. Everyone else no I really don’t.
Also agree that social media must make it much worse. So glad I grew up when I did. The bullying can be awful, especially with young vulnerable kids. Been through it briefly with my daughter.
Social media is very difficult to get away from isn't it. If I sense that someone doesn't like me or is actively nasty to me I remove myself (or them) if possible and on social media I block. If I was 16 and wanted to be involved with all the stuff my friends were it would be more difficult.
When our son was being bullied at school we were prepared to remove him from the situation rather than continually send him in to face it. Fortunately it was eventually sorted. "
It is very difficult. This is the only social
Media I have. I personally can’t stand it. I’m lucky to also have a 26 year old who knows way more than me about it who can keep an eye on things and monitor it more! |
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By *ancer36Woman
over a year ago
Stirling |
People who take a disliking to you without any effort whatsoever to get to know you perplex me but it happens and often.
I’m a nice lass who treats people with the respect I am shown from them, I have no desire to be liked by everyone I meet but I also have no time for the drama queens who dislike you because of perceived popularity, I find this a tad narrow minded.
Get to know me then make up your mind, and at that at least find the maturity to be civil not bitchy about it - that’s how I like to think about those I simple don’t find common ground with
X |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I only care what the people I love think of me or if they dislike me luckily they all seem to be able to tolerate me. I can't control what anyone else thinks of me because they all have their own experiences, likes and dislikes that will influence their opinion. I don't think anybody can completely rid themselves of the need for approvalfrom comparative strangers if it's hardwired, I was lucky in that I was just born this way.
It must be awful in this social media driven age being constantly presented with airbrushed versions of other people's perfect lives and subject to judgement from them and yourself if you don't match up. It's like the popular girl/boy at school laughing at you times one million. "
Growing up for me, and it’s 10x worse for say my younger brother in secondary school now, it’s hard to put yourself out there. You want to be on all the apps and socials but being on them opens you up to more scrutiny, gossiping, and just makes life harder. I used to hate that you could say something or post a picture on social media and be the butt of jokes for it. So you adjust don’t you to avoid that. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Yes both generational and age. You do stop caring as much as you get in your forties. Though there will always be those who care until they die.
Just keep focussing on your self confidence and strengthen you own self worth. There is no magic bullet but daily affirmations can help refocus your attention. You are a big character, Steve. You will always polarise opinions. Just focus on the ones who like you and call the rest cunts.
If someone doesn’t like me for my views on ‘more serious topics’ I tend to care way less. If someone doesn’t like me because they find me annoying I hate that more but that’s also based on things were told When were younger etc.
Can’t wait to be in my forties and not give a shit
Don't wait until your forties. Do it now. "
In all seriousness it’s something I’ve worked on in therapy and I’m not ashamed to say I’ve paid for therapy. But it’s a process |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I couldn't care less who likes me and who doesn't.
The people who dislike me usually have never met me in person and do so because they assume something has been said towards them or they don't like the fact not everyone in life will agree with them on any subject.
That says more about them and their issues to not be able to understand everyone else has a different mindset in life, we don't always need to agree with everyone.
Hating and disliking people is such a stupid way to live life without an actual decent reason to do so.
I agree it’s silly disliking people simply because of difference in opinion. I wouldn’t dislike someone because they disagreed that oat milk tastes better than almond milk.
But I do think it’s ok to dislike people you’ve never met in person if based on things that would be the same in person- if that makes sense. some things are discussed in the online space more than in person so I get why you might form an opinion of someone on social media quicker than if you got chatting at a party. "
No, see I still think its totally wrong.
Let's put it a different way round.
I'd never allow my children to dislike someone they'd never met, I'm sure you probably wouldn't either just because you THINK you will dislike something about them in person(prior to meeting) because of something they say on social media/forums or wherever.
You cannot take a dislike or hate against someone without having a full logical reason to do so and after having met them thats when a true opinion of someone is formed in your own mind. All this hate and dislike nonsense really shouldn't be happening as much as it does.
Meet people, speak to people and then have a reason to like or dislike.
 |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Bothered me when I was younger. Not anymore though. I have so much love, family and friends in my life and I know I’m a nice person so nope, no fucks given. "
I hear this. That’s goals |
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"I only care what the people I love think of me or if they dislike me luckily they all seem to be able to tolerate me. I can't control what anyone else thinks of me because they all have their own experiences, likes and dislikes that will influence their opinion. I don't think anybody can completely rid themselves of the need for approvalfrom comparative strangers if it's hardwired, I was lucky in that I was just born this way.
It must be awful in this social media driven age being constantly presented with airbrushed versions of other people's perfect lives and subject to judgement from them and yourself if you don't match up. It's like the popular girl/boy at school laughing at you times one million.
Yes I agree. I care what the people
I love think. Everyone else no I really don’t.
Also agree that social media must make it much worse. So glad I grew up when I did. The bullying can be awful, especially with young vulnerable kids. Been through it briefly with my daughter.
Social media is very difficult to get away from isn't it. If I sense that someone doesn't like me or is actively nasty to me I remove myself (or them) if possible and on social media I block. If I was 16 and wanted to be involved with all the stuff my friends were it would be more difficult.
When our son was being bullied at school we were prepared to remove him from the situation rather than continually send him in to face it. Fortunately it was eventually sorted.
It is very difficult. This is the only social
Media I have. I personally can’t stand it. I’m lucky to also have a 26 year old who knows way more than me about it who can keep an eye on things and monitor it more!"
Our kids were teenagers before social media was as prevalent as it is now. We headed off some bad stuff even then because we used to check internet history, we only had one pc and their phones didn't have internet. Despite that we only just prevented a couple of horrible things happening |
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"I only care what the people I love think of me or if they dislike me luckily they all seem to be able to tolerate me. I can't control what anyone else thinks of me because they all have their own experiences, likes and dislikes that will influence their opinion. I don't think anybody can completely rid themselves of the need for approvalfrom comparative strangers if it's hardwired, I was lucky in that I was just born this way.
It must be awful in this social media driven age being constantly presented with airbrushed versions of other people's perfect lives and subject to judgement from them and yourself if you don't match up. It's like the popular girl/boy at school laughing at you times one million.
Growing up for me, and it’s 10x worse for say my younger brother in secondary school now, it’s hard to put yourself out there. You want to be on all the apps and socials but being on them opens you up to more scrutiny, gossiping, and just makes life harder. I used to hate that you could say something or post a picture on social media and be the butt of jokes for it. So you adjust don’t you to avoid that. "
Definitely. My eldest is your age and a lot of these apps like Instagram and whatever else there is now were quite new when she was younger and she wasn’t that bothered with it all. Much harder for my youngest, although I won’t allow a lot of it which causes even more grief! |
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"Yes both generational and age. You do stop caring as much as you get in your forties. Though there will always be those who care until they die.
Just keep focussing on your self confidence and strengthen you own self worth. There is no magic bullet but daily affirmations can help refocus your attention. You are a big character, Steve. You will always polarise opinions. Just focus on the ones who like you and call the rest cunts.
If someone doesn’t like me for my views on ‘more serious topics’ I tend to care way less. If someone doesn’t like me because they find me annoying I hate that more but that’s also based on things were told When were younger etc.
Can’t wait to be in my forties and not give a shit
Don't wait until your forties. Do it now.
In all seriousness it’s something I’ve worked on in therapy and I’m not ashamed to say I’ve paid for therapy. But it’s a process "
Neither should you be ashamed. |
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I have many insecurities and the desire to be liked comes through, I think due to being bullied at school, and hence the class clown was born.
I do however nowadays feel that I’m good enough as I am, if others don’t see it that way, so be it.
In fact I have become a bit of a champion of inclusivity and standing up to bullies.
Still I’d rather be liked but only by people that I see worthy of being liked by me, and that’s not an arrogant statement. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I couldn't care less who likes me and who doesn't.
The people who dislike me usually have never met me in person and do so because they assume something has been said towards them or they don't like the fact not everyone in life will agree with them on any subject.
That says more about them and their issues to not be able to understand everyone else has a different mindset in life, we don't always need to agree with everyone.
Hating and disliking people is such a stupid way to live life without an actual decent reason to do so.
I agree it’s silly disliking people simply because of difference in opinion. I wouldn’t dislike someone because they disagreed that oat milk tastes better than almond milk.
But I do think it’s ok to dislike people you’ve never met in person if based on things that would be the same in person- if that makes sense. some things are discussed in the online space more than in person so I get why you might form an opinion of someone on social media quicker than if you got chatting at a party.
No, see I still think its totally wrong.
Let's put it a different way round.
I'd never allow my children to dislike someone they'd never met, I'm sure you probably wouldn't either just because you THINK you will dislike something about them in person(prior to meeting) because of something they say on social media/forums or wherever.
You cannot take a dislike or hate against someone without having a full logical reason to do so and after having met them thats when a true opinion of someone is formed in your own mind. All this hate and dislike nonsense really shouldn't be happening as much as it does.
Meet people, speak to people and then have a reason to like or dislike.
"
Hmmm an interesting perspective. Still I disagree.
If someone expresses their views on say, women or women’s movements, online, in discussion, I wouldn’t wait to meet them before forming an opinion of them. I’d be less inclined if it’s something that affects me personally too. Having lived through traumatic and since triggering experiences, I will always encourage my daughter not to put herself in situations that might cause distress or upset. If she knows or has an idea someone’s views might upset her, I’d always advise her to protect her mental health.
If someone doesn’t like my views on say ‘serious topics’ online, they won’t really like me in person or if they do it’s only on a superficial level. And again, if it’s minor like the taste of milk, that’s different. I would still meet someone that drank almond milk. My nan buys almond milk and I still go to her house you know?
I goes in just saying I think there’s different levels to this. If it’s minor things, sure go and meet someone. If it’s not, then sometimes you can know whether someone is your kinda person or not.
But I respect your opinion on this. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't particularly care, especially from strangers. I'm not going to lie I'd be pretty taken aback if someone commented something shitty to me in the street, but I wouldn't give it too much thought and deep down it's not something that would get to me. It's weird actually, because I really dislike my physical self, and I always assume everyone thinks the worst, but if they were to say anything I wouldn't give two shits because of how I feel about myself anyway. I don't even know if that makes sense. And don't even get me started on here, I couldn't give two shits. I just logged on actually and the first message in my inbox was that I'm a fat cunt who needs to get rid of my hideous pot belly and it hasn't bothered me at all.
And same to my personality, if a stranger commented against that I wouldn't give a shit because they don't know me and their opinion is meaningless.
I only really care when it's people I care about. |
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I don't like everyone that I come into contact with, so it's preposterous to think that everyone else would like me.
With certain people, for instance my boss, I'd prefer it if they liked me (or at least didn't think I was a complete twunt)...he has the ability to affect me being able to pay my bills after all. Yes, that's a vested interest in being liked, but it makes life so much easier. If age and experience have taught me anything, it's to choose my battles wisely.
And obviously I'd like people that I'm fond of to like me back. But I'm not ever going to change myself just to attempt to get someone to like me (other than general civility and consideration of my actions). Like me or don't like me, it matters not as I can't influence how other people feel. |
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I have about a million thoughts on this. Cos I feel like you're calling younger me out
I've lived with anxiety for a looooooong time. At times it has been crippling and had all sorts of physical manifestations. This in turn led to a fear of "letting people down". It's taken a fair amount of therapy and soul searching to see that people pleasing is a big part of that - not wanting to be a nuisance, wanting people to think well of me. And further - that I can't be in charge of that. All I can do is set my boundaries accordingly and be open with people. The rest is not up to me.
I've never enjoyed confrontation. I go into panicky flight mode and try to smooth things over - people pleasing, ding ding! It wasn't part of our family discourse as I was growing up - diplomacy, everyone getting along, god forbid you felt angry about something! It's still my default, but I have got better at fighting my corner when it's something which matters. I prefer if I've got all my arguments lined up beforehand, though
Without sounding like a patronising old bat, it has got easier over time. I'm more comfortable in my skin than I have ever been, more sure of who I am, more circumspect in what I expend my energy on and what is a lost cause.
Social media? I don't think it's the cause of society's ills, no. I think it definitely exacerbates pressures on young people but I also see its positive side in bringing like-minded people together. For example, I was part of a national campaign group which was brought together entirely by social media. It wouldn't have existed otherwise. I do see how it sucks you in, though, I'm not being a wilfully obtuse old person.
You, OP, care about many things. You're passionate about things which matter to you and you're prepared to make yourself open and vulnerable (in on online environment at least, I don't know about in person). That will necessarily attract people who disagree - sometimes unpleasantly. I guess the challenge is deciding what matters and what doesn't.
I'm going to stop now because people's thumbs will be aching from scrolling
Mrs TMN x |
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I think it's funny, when people who have never met me, don't like me, just because of what someone else has told them. Usually there's some issue with said person, so I don't really care.
The people who do know me matter more. If they didn't like me, I don't think I'd like myself. |
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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago
London |
"So do you care about what others think of you? Do you mind being disliked? not just strangers on the internet but also colleagues, family, friends etc too.
"
I care deeply what others think of me, I mind immensely if I’m disliked. But I have no control ultimately over how someone responds to me - if they dislike me for something I’ve done where I am in the wrong then I will work to remedy that, but even then I cannot control their choice of liking or disliking me. What I have learned is that it’s unhelpful and has no tangible impact bar hurting myself to worry about things I have no control over. So I purposefully and mindfully acknowledge my hurt and then let it and the negative rumination go. Because ultimately there are plenty that like me, and to spend all my time focused on those that choose not to like me actually does those who love me a disservice as they get a anxiety ridden negative fixating me - so I focus my people pleasing on them where the relationship counts and I can bring genuine joy. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not now, but it used to bother me an awful lot when I was younger. I'd interpret it as me being defective, some sort of personal failure. I was a big people pleaser back then, and always thought it was due to having a very critical mother who would withdraw approval and affection if she was displeased with me. Reading this thread is making me reevaluate things a bit as so many have stated feeling similar. Perhaps it was only the painful self-consciousness of youth? Dunno, OP. I've got shit to think about now.....
Nell |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes and no. The people who know me their opinion means more to me than people who don't. If someone has made an assumption about me based on whatever then I don't care what they think of me because it isn't a true reflection of who I am. If someone has a negative opinion and they do know me, I'd probably need to know their reasons.
I dunno, part of me is like fuck you, the other is like what have I done? Make sense, probably not |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I used to care, a lot.
Now I’m happy in my own wee world. I’m not bothered. If people don’t like me, that’s fine. I probably won’t like them either "
Fair enough. I hear this |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I have about a million thoughts on this. Cos I feel like you're calling younger me out
I've lived with anxiety for a looooooong time. At times it has been crippling and had all sorts of physical manifestations. This in turn led to a fear of "letting people down". It's taken a fair amount of therapy and soul searching to see that people pleasing is a big part of that - not wanting to be a nuisance, wanting people to think well of me. And further - that I can't be in charge of that. All I can do is set my boundaries accordingly and be open with people. The rest is not up to me.
I've never enjoyed confrontation. I go into panicky flight mode and try to smooth things over - people pleasing, ding ding! It wasn't part of our family discourse as I was growing up - diplomacy, everyone getting along, god forbid you felt angry about something! It's still my default, but I have got better at fighting my corner when it's something which matters. I prefer if I've got all my arguments lined up beforehand, though
Without sounding like a patronising old bat, it has got easier over time. I'm more comfortable in my skin than I have ever been, more sure of who I am, more circumspect in what I expend my energy on and what is a lost cause.
Social media? I don't think it's the cause of society's ills, no. I think it definitely exacerbates pressures on young people but I also see its positive side in bringing like-minded people together. For example, I was part of a national campaign group which was brought together entirely by social media. It wouldn't have existed otherwise. I do see how it sucks you in, though, I'm not being a wilfully obtuse old person.
You, OP, care about many things. You're passionate about things which matter to you and you're prepared to make yourself open and vulnerable (in on online environment at least, I don't know about in person). That will necessarily attract people who disagree - sometimes unpleasantly. I guess the challenge is deciding what matters and what doesn't.
I'm going to stop now because people's thumbs will be aching from scrolling
Mrs TMN x"
Mrs TMN I’m going to reply separately but |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Mrs TMN, I feel that post. I feel seen in that post. And rather than usually being like ‘shit I feel seen  ’ I have a ‘I feel seen  kinda feeling. I know that it’s hard. I’m in the therapy. But it makes me so happy and inspired to see that it gets better and to hear you saying that!
You’re a beautiful person and I’m sure I speak for everyone in this thread when I say we fucking love you |
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"Mrs TMN, I feel that post. I feel seen in that post. And rather than usually being like ‘shit I feel seen ’ I have a ‘I feel seen kinda feeling. I know that it’s hard. I’m in the therapy. But it makes me so happy and inspired to see that it gets better and to hear you saying that!
You’re a beautiful person and I’m sure I speak for everyone in this thread when I say we fucking love you "
Ah Pickle, we are kindred spirits. You don't speak for everyone, though. Some will be rolling their eyes right now. Others will be largely indifferent. And some will agree with you. And that is all OK!
Here endeth the lesson |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Mrs TMN, I feel that post. I feel seen in that post. And rather than usually being like ‘shit I feel seen ’ I have a ‘I feel seen kinda feeling. I know that it’s hard. I’m in the therapy. But it makes me so happy and inspired to see that it gets better and to hear you saying that!
You’re a beautiful person and I’m sure I speak for everyone in this thread when I say we fucking love you
Ah Pickle, we are kindred spirits. You don't speak for everyone, though. Some will be rolling their eyes right now. Others will be largely indifferent. And some will agree with you. And that is all OK!
Here endeth the lesson "
Thank you for taking it |
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"Mrs TMN, I feel that post. I feel seen in that post. And rather than usually being like ‘shit I feel seen ’ I have a ‘I feel seen kinda feeling. I know that it’s hard. I’m in the therapy. But it makes me so happy and inspired to see that it gets better and to hear you saying that!
You’re a beautiful person and I’m sure I speak for everyone in this thread when I say we fucking love you
Ah Pickle, we are kindred spirits. You don't speak for everyone, though. Some will be rolling their eyes right now. Others will be largely indifferent. And some will agree with you. And that is all OK!
Here endeth the lesson
Thank you for taking it "
Always topping from the bottom |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Mrs TMN, I feel that post. I feel seen in that post. And rather than usually being like ‘shit I feel seen ’ I have a ‘I feel seen kinda feeling. I know that it’s hard. I’m in the therapy. But it makes me so happy and inspired to see that it gets better and to hear you saying that!
You’re a beautiful person and I’m sure I speak for everyone in this thread when I say we fucking love you
Ah Pickle, we are kindred spirits. You don't speak for everyone, though. Some will be rolling their eyes right now. Others will be largely indifferent. And some will agree with you. And that is all OK!
Here endeth the lesson
Thank you for taking it
Always topping from the bottom "
Idk what that means but I’m trying to top you  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’ve always been a people pleaser, and it’s made some people think I’m a pushover and they can say what they like to me, things they wouldn’t say to someone else. I had enough of that shit.
I couldn’t care less if someone likes me or not, you’re not gonna be for everyone - and that’s ok |
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