FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Do you struggle to make close friends?
Do you struggle to make close friends?
Jump to: Newest in thread
 |
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
I feel pathetic! I'm almost 30 years old with no close friends. I want a best friend, someone I click with, who I can call and hang out with multiple times a week. But I just can't seem to find anyone.
I get on with most people very well. I have loads of friends, mostly parents and colleagues with a few others thrown in the mix, who I can go for strolls and coffee with. But nobody that I can call a real friend if you know what I mean. I have an amazing bunch of online friends I've known since I was 14 but we are scattered all over the place and with life it is very rare we meet.
I just haven't clicked with anyone to the point I can call them day or night, show up at their door in my pyjamas kind of thing. And I worry I might never have a best friend other than my partner.
You can't force these things though!
Have you got a best friend? Or do you just plod through life with basic bitch friends?
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I feel pathetic! I'm almost 30 years old with no close friends. I want a best friend, someone I click with, who I can call and hang out with multiple times a week. But I just can't seem to find anyone.
I get on with most people very well. I have loads of friends, mostly parents and colleagues with a few others thrown in the mix, who I can go for strolls and coffee with. But nobody that I can call a real friend if you know what I mean. I have an amazing bunch of online friends I've known since I was 14 but we are scattered all over the place and with life it is very rare we meet.
I just haven't clicked with anyone to the point I can call them day or night, show up at their door in my pyjamas kind of thing. And I worry I might never have a best friend other than my partner.
You can't force these things though!
Have you got a best friend? Or do you just plod through life with basic bitch friends?
"
Me neither
And tbh that's probably on me. Ive not put on the work nor the vulnerability to have a really deep friendship.
But it's a shitty feeling nonetheless when you realise it's all surface no feeling.
 |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I don’t have a best friend other than my gf. And she was my best friend before we got together.
I have close friends but I struggle with communication so I don’t see them all that often. My plan this year is to make friends with more people and be a more consistent friend to people.
I’ve started by reaching out to my uni friends for a big night out this summer  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *heLomsCouple
over a year ago
Newport |
I’m the same, always make the mistake of thinking I’ve found good friends but always seem to find out the hard way that they aren’t genuine. I find it hard to let people get close enough to be friends now which really sucks x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
My best mate and I don't see each other several times a week. We're too busy with kids sports training and activities etc. But we're see each other when we can.
I had a call to go help her unclog her toilet from a monster poo she had the other day. I mean if that's not best friendship I don't know what is.  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I feel pathetic! I'm almost 30 years old with no close friends. I want a best friend, someone I click with, who I can call and hang out with multiple times a week. But I just can't seem to find anyone.
I get on with most people very well. I have loads of friends, mostly parents and colleagues with a few others thrown in the mix, who I can go for strolls and coffee with. But nobody that I can call a real friend if you know what I mean. I have an amazing bunch of online friends I've known since I was 14 but we are scattered all over the place and with life it is very rare we meet.
I just haven't clicked with anyone to the point I can call them day or night, show up at their door in my pyjamas kind of thing. And I worry I might never have a best friend other than my partner.
You can't force these things though!
Have you got a best friend? Or do you just plod through life with basic bitch friends?
"
Maybe your bitch friends are best friends in disguise?
I’ve got about 5 circles of mates with one within each that’s really close.
And a brother from another mother where we’ve done proper shit together who’s my bestie.
I have to say though I am pretty amicable. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I’ve come to realise, my best friends are those guys I grew up with. Helped me through my divorce and at the death of both my parents. Literally day one ride or dies |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Also if you can commit to one coffee every 3 months I’ll be your friend "
You’re easily pleased… at least ask for a happy meal, where YOU get to keep the toy!
 |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I'm not at work this week, and not heard from any of my "friends" ..yes I do struggle with this.. always been a loner really, I get exhausted by always being the one to make the effort, so I don't anymore |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Also if you can commit to one coffee every 3 months I’ll be your friend
You’re easily pleased… at least ask for a happy meal, where YOU get to keep the toy!
"
The quality of happy meal toys had deteriorated A LOT. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I used to be. I could make friends fairly easily but it was always surface level. A laugh and a joke, light conversations but never more than that. I think that's changed though now because we used to work together but I've actually made the effort to keep in touch and now I have a couple of groups I'm pretty happy to call close friends for the first time in my life  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I have three best friends, but I don't hang out with any of them multiple times a week.
We speak every day and one of them I meet for coffee every single week, but sometimes weeks or a month will pass without being in the same room as the others.
I think for me those friendships happened pretty organically. One was someone who opened my eyes to a situation I had put myself in at work, one started as FWB but after the benefits ended we kept the friendship, one started as acquaintances but as we went on a few nights out we just seemed to click until we ended up supporting each other through some pretty crappy stuff and getting more intimate.
It took time to build the closeness and the trust, but I'd trust any of them with my life and I treasure them.
I'm blessed that I can make "mates" really easily, which I think widens my chances of meeting people I click with. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *C79Man
over a year ago
Caterham |
I'm just the same. I haven't had a best friend since high school. I also lost all of my long term friends due to a long, controlling relationship. These days, my "friends" are work colleagues but I mostly don't socialise with them outside of work. Even with the one or two that I'm closer two, I know I'm not part of their main group. It's hard sometimes, mostly when events that traditionally call for a +1 or a friend to join you happen or when I decide to go on holiday, I have to go alone. Other times, I'm thankful for the freedom & independence. I think some of it comes down to me having a lack of real trust in people and a lower opinion of myself than I should. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I feel pathetic! I'm almost 30 years old with no close friends. I want a best friend, someone I click with, who I can call and hang out with multiple times a week. But I just can't seem to find anyone.
I get on with most people very well. I have loads of friends, mostly parents and colleagues with a few others thrown in the mix, who I can go for strolls and coffee with. But nobody that I can call a real friend if you know what I mean. I have an amazing bunch of online friends I've known since I was 14 but we are scattered all over the place and with life it is very rare we meet.
I just haven't clicked with anyone to the point I can call them day or night, show up at their door in my pyjamas kind of thing. And I worry I might never have a best friend other than my partner.
You can't force these things though!
Have you got a best friend? Or do you just plod through life with basic bitch friends?
"
Ah LBC, that’s nothing to feel pathetic about, lovely. Just look at what you’ve written about how many friends you have! That shows you’re someone people want in their lives and that’s not to be taken lightly.
Am I right in thinking you just moved? If so, I did the same last year and struggled to make new friends. I have now moved back and have a group of really solid friends that I know I can call on any time, but they’re all from school or early jobs.
I feel as though I would struggle to make a new best friend now, at least not consciously. Maybe that will develop with 1-2 of your current circle.
As you say, you can’t force these things. It’s like looking for a FWB. I want one in my life but no one ever seems to fit the bill. I also want a girlfriend (not at the same time - one or the other) and, despite hunting, I remain single. But I also remain confident one will appear in my life and I’ll be ready when she does.
I’ll keep my balls crossed that you find a good friend, too. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"My best mate and I don't see each other several times a week. We're too busy with kids sports training and activities etc. But we're see each other when we can.
I had a call to go help her unclog her toilet from a monster poo she had the other day. I mean if that's not best friendship I don't know what is. "
Sounds just like the kind of call I would get from my bestie |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I never used to but the last 6 years I've spent 6 months in Europe and 6 months in Scotland each year.... the first year or two close friends did keep in touch but those friendships did suffer and I rarely see or hear from most nowadays. I've replaced them with dogs. Dogs are more loyal than people.
Also my ex longterm partners were always my besties and I've been single the last 6 years |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I feel pathetic! I'm almost 30 years old with no close friends. I want a best friend, someone I click with, who I can call and hang out with multiple times a week. But I just can't seem to find anyone.
I get on with most people very well. I have loads of friends, mostly parents and colleagues with a few others thrown in the mix, who I can go for strolls and coffee with. But nobody that I can call a real friend if you know what I mean. I have an amazing bunch of online friends I've known since I was 14 but we are scattered all over the place and with life it is very rare we meet.
I just haven't clicked with anyone to the point I can call them day or night, show up at their door in my pyjamas kind of thing. And I worry I might never have a best friend other than my partner.
You can't force these things though!
Have you got a best friend? Or do you just plod through life with basic bitch friends?
"
Took me 42 years to be able to say I have a best friend....I was so insecure and lacking In trust, with such belief systems that I carri3d about myself, of how I'm. Not worthy of friends. Really influenced how I could not connect to people on a deeper level...bit today i have several close close friends |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I do, But I was lucky i did have one for a number of years until they died from cancer earlier this year. It's rare to find someone who just gets you and no matter what are always there for you soulmates are a one off. You ain't pathetic you will meet someone one day! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *wentMan
over a year ago
blackpool |
Totally know where you are coming from.
I know lots of people.but I am quite a lonely person, who keeps himself to himself..I don't have close friends who I speak to daily, sometimes I dont speak to people for months, my closest people to me are my children but would be nice to have a close friend to share my days experiences. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Totally know where you are coming from.
I know lots of people.but I am quite a lonely person, who keeps himself to himself..I don't have close friends who I speak to daily, sometimes I dont speak to people for months, my closest people to me are my children but would be nice to have a close friend to share my days experiences. "
Sounds very familiar. I have friends at work but none outside of the job. I don't socialise out of work much more comfortable on my own with own thoughts. Even at work i never make the first move to speak, instead just a forced smile + nod to say hello. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I've always had a hard time making friends. I have friends in certain areas of my life but I'm such a mess of contradictions that I don't really have a ride or die. My best mates were the ones I made at the end of school we goes years without seeing each other but it's always great when we do.
Me and my girlfriend are friends just as much as we're partners but it's not the same as having a bestie. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I have one friend from school who I see a couple of times a year and we always pick up like we have only seen each other a few days ago rather than a few months. However asides from that I don't really have any friends locally. It can be quite tough sometimes as it would be good to be able to just go out for a coffee or a pint sometimes but for whatever reason I've not managed to get that sort of relationship going with people. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I feel pathetic! I'm almost 30 years old with no close friends. I want a best friend, someone I click with, who I can call and hang out with multiple times a week. But I just can't seem to find anyone.
I get on with most people very well. I have loads of friends, mostly parents and colleagues with a few others thrown in the mix, who I can go for strolls and coffee with. But nobody that I can call a real friend if you know what I mean. I have an amazing bunch of online friends I've known since I was 14 but we are scattered all over the place and with life it is very rare we meet.
I just haven't clicked with anyone to the point I can call them day or night, show up at their door in my pyjamas kind of thing. And I worry I might never have a best friend other than my partner.
You can't force these things though!
Have you got a best friend? Or do you just plod through life with basic bitch friends?
"
I feel for you, OP, but I wouldn't say you're pathetic!
I don't know if it's just me, but I find I have less need for close friends as I've gotten older, mainly because I prefer my own company, I guess. I can't really say I've ever had a ‘best friend’, just some people I've been around more than others.
Don't get me wrong, I have plenty of friends and numerous ones I consider ‘close friends’ (in that they know me better than others), but we don't have any real desire to hang out together as often as we did. Some friends I hang out with more than others, but those ratios can change at any time, mainly due to ever-changing circles of life, especially after the last few chaotic years.
However, when my friends and I do hang out together, it's like we've never been apart (most of the time).
All I'd suggest to you, OP, is that you firstly stop telling yourself you're pathetic (or a lesser person) for not having a ‘best friend’, as this may come across in your body language without you even realising it. The fact that you have a partner and friends is great, so just keep being the great person you are, because you never know when you'll be needed to help your friends during difficult times (and vice versa)  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
It's not pathetic, and is probably far more normal than you realise. I have lovely friends, but no best friend. I'm far too introverted to put that much effort into cultivating that sort of relationship. It used to bother me as I worried I was missing out on something precious. I've grown to accept that I'm just not naturally drawn to people enough to really enjoy that level of intimacy, I think I'd find it suffocating!
Nell
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I have one best friend but we have moved 100 miles apart from each other now as she has a fella / baby on way …
Now I live in a new area I only get to see her a couple of times a month for a few hours when I visit back to see my other friends .
Got to start the new process of trying to make a friend down here later this year |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I used to have close friends who i had known for years then we moved 200 miles and haven't found another one here as find it hard to make friends,I stay in touch with my old friends by phone but that is not the same as meeting up and doing things together.  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I didn't find my best mate until I was on my 30's. Met him to climb with and he become a brother to me. I think the climbing has had a lot to do with this. We literally trust each other with our lives and had that trust re-payed numerous times. We've also seen each other at our most scared and vulnerable and been there. This has carried over into our private lives. When he met a psycho who slowly and steadily separated him from his friends and even started on his family he says it was the knowledge that I'd never let him down, that he would trust me implicitly in every other situation that meant she was unable to convince him to ditch me.
I have other very good friends but only one best friend despite feeling much as you do OP that there was something wrong with me and a best friend was something I would never have. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *aggonerMan
over a year ago
for a penny |
I’ve never had a close friend that I can confide in or know that I can rely on. I manage with acquaintances.
I’ve been told I should make an effort to stay in touch with people or to get to know people better, but why can’t they be the ones making that effort?
There are times when I would enjoy being with a buddy but I get by. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
My best friend died in 2018. It was 9 weeks from diagnosis to death. We'd been friends for 30 years. I'm not one for lots of close friends, plenty of people I'm friendly with but I'm not going to have a friend like her again. I miss her, a lot. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Liverpool |
Not a single close friend. I have my brother but we are not particularly close. Always there for each other, but we are both too different to be friends - we don't get each other. Closer to my mum, but thats a whole different thing.
My dogs have been better friends than the majority of humans in my life, but they are family too really (in my best Vin Diesel impression).
Is that a fault of my own, or because of others? I don't really know where it started initially but I do know at this point I no longer really put any effort in to giving time to people to get close enough to be anything more than glorified acquaintance.
It is rare, very fucking rare that I click and connect with somebody, the few times I had/thought I had unfortunately went south.
I'm far closer to my gaming friends of 15 or so years from across the world than I am with anyone local. But even then not enough to truely say they are close friends. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I've got an inner circle that and we trust each other implicitly. My longest friendship is 28 years old now and although we may not get to see each other as much as we would like we speak frequently.
The only time I'd say friendships were strained, is when people settled down and made families. We all drifted apart, some never to return |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I have very few close friends OP. Less than you can count on one hand.
My mum told me a long time ago that close friends will always be few and far between. But I cherish them everyday. I do make “friends” easily though. I’m close with quite a few people and they’re amazing to have in my life. I hope you find your clan lovely Lemon. Maybe you’ve been looking in the wrong place?  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Don't worry LemonDrizzleTotty, i'm shit at it too. Have a small bunch of friends, last one to join the clan was about ten years ago when some ejit fell for the lack of charms of my best mate and shacked up with him- muppet!
I've worked with dozens of people over the years, can rarely be arsed to do social stuff with them, so no fresh meat. The two people i clicked with best both left within a year of me joining each company (only bumped in to them occasionally due to shifts and being other departs) ...so i guess i'm not friend material?  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I think our culture has just changed in how it views relationships and love it's become a lot more transactional. Friends, partners... Whatever.
I've had best friends since birth. My mother's best friend had a daughter the same age, we lived 2 doors down. We were still best friends when we were 15. Years after we moved.
My youth was a bit troubled so my friends became my family. My partners have invariably been 'best' friends. That's carried on throughout my life.
Superficial friends, basic bitch friends, . No thanks, door's behind you, where you came in. Feel free to slam it on your way out. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I have two close friends. Three if you count the very good friend of five years, who I met on here. I have no friends where I live but that doesn't bother me. I don't do people who bitch, I stay away from them because I've got enough drama in my life. I really people around me who are calm and friendly x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I haven't had a bestie since school.
I think that I'm quite lucky that I dont feel the need anymore.
More than happy with acquaintances. I really cant be bothered with other peoples dramas and problems. The first sign of that and I'm off. I like peace in my life. If I want drama, I'll create my own. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Aweee thanks for all the replies.
I know I'm not pathetic I suppose I was being a bit dramatic there. It's not the worst thing in the world to not have any close friends, and I know I'm fairly lucky I do have people I can hang out with casually and chat to.
I don't know, I guess I just long for something more. But I'm a bit shit at keeping in touch too, so I'd have to try and work on that. And maybe put myself out there a bit more.
I feel like it's difficult to make those tight close-knit friends as time passes. But I guess these things can happen at any time, so I just have to remain open and who knows what could happen. It's not the end of the world anyway if it never happens.
And thanks for all the friend offers, and ball crossing. I'll take you all for coffee and text you when I need my shite dislodging from the drain. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"My best friend died in 2018. It was 9 weeks from diagnosis to death. We'd been friends for 30 years. I'm not one for lots of close friends, plenty of people I'm friendly with but I'm not going to have a friend like her again. I miss her, a lot."
Sending you love. I lost someone very close to me six months ago, my brother who was also one of my closest friends I could truly be myself around. It's not easy but hopefully we will see them on the other side of the stars.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Also if you can commit to one coffee every 3 months I’ll be your friend
You’re easily pleased… at least ask for a happy meal, where YOU get to keep the toy!
The quality of happy meal toys had deteriorated A LOT. "
Agreed. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I go through phases of having "best" friends.
My most recent one started off as a neighbour, We're really close but she's moved away so I'm a bit sad about that.
Takes me a while to warm to people and bond with them. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I got betrayed by a newer group of friends, well my two close ones, a few years ago.
Then much more recently by a friend that had dropped me on my arse once before and we worked our way back to frienship, has done it again. So thats it, as far as I am concerned.
Down to 3 close friends, one that goes back 30 years, who is my ride or die.
The other two- looser friendships, more recent ,(under 10 years).
I wish I had those basic bitches you talk about, but I can't do that surface thing, it all feels a bit fake (not your situation, mine) and I just feel like a fraud.
Plus I don't go running after people, if they don't reciprocate contact.
So what I am trying to say, in the most roundabout way, is I think I inderstand, OP xx |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Do not despair OP, I have always been awkward in real life and didn't manage to find close friends until my late thirties. Sometimes it just takes time. Even then I don't think I will ever be the type to have besties.  hope you find what you need |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I only have 2 really close friends, we’ve known each other since we were really little. They’re the only people that I see regularly and who I can go to when I need someone to talk to. I don’t struggle to make friends as such, I have lots of “friends” but my problem is I don’t keep in touch as much as I should. Eventually they just move on and we only really speak if we happen to be in the same place or occasionally we’ll chat over text. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Don’t feel pathetic…I have a lot of friends at work but never mix outside… I have a few friends from when I was younger but have drifted apart and only communicate on birthdays… my best friend is probably my wife and we have a love hate relationship at the moment and I don’t know if it will get better… but deep down I don’t know if I want a best friend…..I’m happy in my own company and don’t really miss a bestie….and this way I can’t fuck it up…… be happy with yourself and your friends and when your not looking for something is when it usually happens… Don’t forget your still young… |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *mf123Man
over a year ago
with one foot out the door |
Once there were many wanting to be my friend i can be quite likable but i didnt know how to let people close close since i was a little kid i have some old friends i could call on in need but were not that close anymore iv only truly opened up to 1 person only 1 person in a whole lifetime has truly known me balls to bones but that friendship the universe decided wasnt meant to last it was only designed to tease me of a life that could have been
Now i refuse to let anyone close to me im left with the feeling eventually everyone either dies or slowly walks away getting close to people makes it harder to bare there eventual loss
My god that sounds depressing its not its very effective and a blessing to know i opened up once if only once in my life |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I don’t have any real friends but that is on me - I am sociable and get on with people but I also find people tiring in long stretches and I am more than happy on my own. I don’t tend to reach out to people and so people tend to not include me in stuff - can’t blame them for that! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
