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London/new york / paris / milan etc
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Every major city is full of good looking,smart people??
Yet not long ago a survey was carried out.
It was attained many or most and the number is increaseing every year are " Single " and complain they cant find a "Partner " or perfect match for them.
Even on fab many complain of timewaster's ,not my type!
What do people think the root cause could be? There is some fact to all this.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Sex some guys and a few women think about sex every waking moment, the secret to a relationship and finding a partner is to be likeable  "
Yes. If we got measured Daily for a whole week men/women. the results would show surely over a given period.
But many factors play parts tocthe whole and bigger picture and our layered make up! Money,social,area,work,family life.who we are,how we think,how we think of ourselves. How others view us from our speech and actions. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Sex some guys and a few women think about sex every waking moment, the secret to a relationship and finding a partner is to be likeable "
The deeper sex theory is to date snd changing daily as social trends come in and out.
Men = will and mostly would have sex with alot that moves. Or some say a Pulse.
Women are selective for there deeper needs,emotional,feelings. Very choice and other factor driven if you look deeper. On that same note many dont know why they keep chooseing loser's and timewaster's,or Badboys!!
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"Every major city is full of good looking,smart people??
Yet not long ago a survey was carried out.
It was attained many or most and the number is increaseing every year are " Single " and complain they cant find a "Partner " or perfect match for them.
Even on fab many complain of timewaster's ,not my type!
What do people think the root cause could be? There is some fact to all this.
"
The problem is that nagging thought…..there might be someone just a bit better a few clicks away. And that actually stops you fully investing in people and giving it a chance. Before the internet a lot of people didn’t want perfect, the best etc.
I’ve recently started using Bumble in Dubai and getting inundated with director and C level women in their 30s 40s , single, no kids, all searching for the perfect match and it’s like there’s no rush there’s plenty to choose from and so I’ll end up frustrating them with lack of interest and choosing none.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Every major city is full of good looking,smart people??
Yet not long ago a survey was carried out.
It was attained many or most and the number is increaseing every year are " Single " and complain they cant find a "Partner " or perfect match for them.
Even on fab many complain of timewaster's ,not my type!
What do people think the root cause could be? There is some fact to all this.
The problem is that nagging thought…..there might be someone just a bit better a few clicks away. And that actually stops you fully investing in people and giving it a chance. Before the internet a lot of people didn’t want perfect, the best etc.
I’ve recently started using Bumble in Dubai and getting inundated with director and C level women in their 30s 40s , single, no kids, all searching for the perfect match and it’s like there’s no rush there’s plenty to choose from and so I’ll end up frustrating them with lack of interest and choosing none.
"
I hear youu. iam an old skooler myself!
I work in the heart of london. Born and bred londoner too.
Ive clubbed. Been on the rave scene,house parties etc.
Worked in the heart in Canary Wharf, love cars, fashion, people. Met many well away from fab or any other platform off the internet. Face to face. Even approached many on the tube,walking daily!
The internet and social has a whole dynamic which i sense and feel will damage society at large in years to come.
It is showing already the change in minds,hearts how people behave. I walk through parks in the morning to get to tube stns for work. No eye contact not a Morning nor hello. Nobodys talking!
I find that strange as a 70's child.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think people don’t settle for less than they want these days whereas before it was a case of pick whoever will have you "
Morning.
Iam hearing you.
I beg to diff. Being on here is no difference.
There are many layers to all of us.
Many have lists upon list of wants!
When asked what do they bring forth??
Me!!
Lol.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Every major city is full of good looking,smart people??
Yet not long ago a survey was carried out.
It was attained many or most and the number is increaseing every year are " Single " and complain they cant find a "Partner " or perfect match for them.
Even on fab many complain of timewaster's ,not my type!
What do people think the root cause could be? There is some fact to all this.
The problem is that nagging thought…..there might be someone just a bit better a few clicks away. And that actually stops you fully investing in people and giving it a chance. Before the internet a lot of people didn’t want perfect, the best etc.
I’ve recently started using Bumble in Dubai and getting inundated with director and C level women in their 30s 40s , single, no kids, all searching for the perfect match and it’s like there’s no rush there’s plenty to choose from and so I’ll end up frustrating them with lack of interest and choosing none.
I hear youu. iam an old skooler myself!
I work in the heart of london. Born and bred londoner too.
Ive clubbed. Been on the rave scene,house parties etc.
Worked in the heart in Canary Wharf, love cars, fashion, people. Met many well away from fab or any other platform off the internet. Face to face. Even approached many on the tube,walking daily!
The internet and social has a whole dynamic which i sense and feel will damage society at large in years to come.
It is showing already the change in minds,hearts how people behave. I walk through parks in the morning to get to tube stns for work. No eye contact not a Morning nor hello. Nobodys talking!
I find that strange as a 70's child.
"
That’s just London. Us northerners still speak to each other. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Every major city is full of good looking,smart people??
Yet not long ago a survey was carried out.
It was attained many or most and the number is increaseing every year are " Single " and complain they cant find a "Partner " or perfect match for them.
Even on fab many complain of timewaster's ,not my type!
What do people think the root cause could be? There is some fact to all this.
The problem is that nagging thought…..there might be someone just a bit better a few clicks away. And that actually stops you fully investing in people and giving it a chance. Before the internet a lot of people didn’t want perfect, the best etc.
I’ve recently started using Bumble in Dubai and getting inundated with director and C level women in their 30s 40s , single, no kids, all searching for the perfect match and it’s like there’s no rush there’s plenty to choose from and so I’ll end up frustrating them with lack of interest and choosing none.
I hear youu. iam an old skooler myself!
I work in the heart of london. Born and bred londoner too.
Ive clubbed. Been on the rave scene,house parties etc.
Worked in the heart in Canary Wharf, love cars, fashion, people. Met many well away from fab or any other platform off the internet. Face to face. Even approached many on the tube,walking daily!
The internet and social has a whole dynamic which i sense and feel will damage society at large in years to come.
It is showing already the change in minds,hearts how people behave. I walk through parks in the morning to get to tube stns for work. No eye contact not a Morning nor hello. Nobodys talking!
I find that strange as a 70's child.
That’s just London. Us northerners still speak to each other."
Yeah sure they do.
Dont i know it.
When i leave london outward bound i see it.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Every major city is full of good looking,smart people??
Yet not long ago a survey was carried out.
It was attained many or most and the number is increaseing every year are " Single " and complain they cant find a "Partner " or perfect match for them.
Even on fab many complain of timewaster's ,not my type!
What do people think the root cause could be? There is some fact to all this.
The problem is that nagging thought…..there might be someone just a bit better a few clicks away. And that actually stops you fully investing in people and giving it a chance. Before the internet a lot of people didn’t want perfect, the best etc.
I’ve recently started using Bumble in Dubai and getting inundated with director and C level women in their 30s 40s , single, no kids, all searching for the perfect match and it’s like there’s no rush there’s plenty to choose from and so I’ll end up frustrating them with lack of interest and choosing none.
I hear youu. iam an old skooler myself!
I work in the heart of london. Born and bred londoner too.
Ive clubbed. Been on the rave scene,house parties etc.
Worked in the heart in Canary Wharf, love cars, fashion, people. Met many well away from fab or any other platform off the internet. Face to face. Even approached many on the tube,walking daily!
The internet and social has a whole dynamic which i sense and feel will damage society at large in years to come.
It is showing already the change in minds,hearts how people behave. I walk through parks in the morning to get to tube stns for work. No eye contact not a Morning nor hello. Nobodys talking!
I find that strange as a 70's child.
That’s just London. Us northerners still speak to each other."
Must be a ( London ) ting. Iam born here. And dont feel part of it even until now so. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Most big cities are the same bug they also have pockets of lovely local communities, friendly and caring people. It all just gets lost in the abyss. "
.
Sure. I have seen a massive change. In my city of birth. And further afield. Yet we many congregate to the keyboard and net.
To hear a voice,laughter,flow of conversation is becomeing the norm of intorverted conversations via the keyboard!
Heh ho. Save oneself fistly heh.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My observation is the longer you stay single the more you become settled in your own ways and less willing to exercise the compromise that is essential in any successful personal relationship. I see this in a lot of my older acquaintances. The longer they have been single, the worse they are. I have very attractive acquaintances who bemoan the fact that they can’t find a partner and are still single and when I suggest that it is because they choose to be, it can be a revelation.. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"My observation is the longer you stay single the more you become settled in your own ways and less willing to exercise the compromise that is essential in any successful personal relationship. I see this in a lot of my older acquaintances. The longer they have been single, the worse they are. I have very attractive acquaintances who bemoan the fact that they can’t find a partner and are still single and when I suggest that it is because they choose to be, it can be a revelation.."
The gap is getting far wider Daily!
Life is a compromise in all ways.
Most have lists of wants!
But not a mere spec to offer.
I engaged with a woman off fab.
I messaged her. What do you bring to the table?
Reply= Me! Followed by a X.
Then blank. Dead no convo.
Zero. Onto the next.
A false reality is being lived now.
Many will be left perplexed in years to come,esp the younger generation because the lines are deformed and scewed already.
How will or could they ever have relationships and create further.
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Two reasons I can think of:
- People living in cities are just more career oriented and spend less time on relationships
- There is this thing as too much of choice. It deceives you into believing that there is some perfect person out there m. People keep looking for that perfect person because they think there should be one among the millions living there. In reality, there is no such person and relationships always require some compromise.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Two reasons I can think of:
- People living in cities are just more career oriented and spend less time on relationships
- There is this thing as too much of choice. It deceives you into believing that there is some perfect person out there m. People keep looking for that perfect person because they think there should be one among the millions living there. In reality, there is no such person and relationships always require some compromise.
"
Agree! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My observation is the longer you stay single the more you become settled in your own ways and less willing to exercise the compromise that is essential in any successful personal relationship. I see this in a lot of my older acquaintances. The longer they have been single, the worse they are. I have very attractive acquaintances who bemoan the fact that they can’t find a partner and are still single and when I suggest that it is because they choose to be, it can be a revelation.."
Agree.
All this bollocks about how any partner has to love them at their worst or they don't deserve them at their best.
Yeah.. no ...fuck off.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Two reasons I can think of:
- People living in cities are just more career oriented and spend less time on relationships
- There is this thing as too much of choice. It deceives you into believing that there is some perfect person out there m. People keep looking for that perfect person because they think there should be one among the millions living there. In reality, there is no such person and relationships always require some compromise.
"
Disposable. Something better will come along.  |
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Is it only good looking or attractive people who can't find partners? That would explain why I've only been single for short periods 
Seriously, all my life I've noticed that some people demand more from a relationship than they're willing to give and abandon it very quickly if it doesn't immediately match their requirements. Add to this the swipe left or right culture and people are left with quite unrealistic expectations.
Relationships are not like those annoying blond families dancing on Tik Tok with impossibly cute children who are always clean. They're 80% asking each other what to eat for dinner, 10% arguing and 10% having a lovely time |
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"My observation is the longer you stay single the more you become settled in your own ways and less willing to exercise the compromise that is essential in any successful personal relationship. I see this in a lot of my older acquaintances. The longer they have been single, the worse they are. I have very attractive acquaintances who bemoan the fact that they can’t find a partner and are still single and when I suggest that it is because they choose to be, it can be a revelation..
Agree.
All this bollocks about how any partner has to love them at their worst or they don't deserve them at their best.
Yeah.. no ...fuck off. "
One of my least favourite phrases.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"* Is it only good looking or attractive people who can't find partners? That would explain why I've only been single for short periods
Seriously, all my life I've noticed that some people demand more from a relationship than they're willing to give and abandon it very quickly if it doesn't immediately match their requirements. Add to this the swipe left or right culture and people are left with quite unrealistic expectations.
Relationships are not like those annoying blond families dancing on Tik Tok with impossibly cute children who are always clean. They're 80% asking each other what to eat for dinner, 10% arguing and 10% having a lovely time"
* You must be a really good fuck.  |
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"* Is it only good looking or attractive people who can't find partners? That would explain why I've only been single for short periods
Seriously, all my life I've noticed that some people demand more from a relationship than they're willing to give and abandon it very quickly if it doesn't immediately match their requirements. Add to this the swipe left or right culture and people are left with quite unrealistic expectations.
Relationships are not like those annoying blond families dancing on Tik Tok with impossibly cute children who are always clean. They're 80% asking each other what to eat for dinner, 10% arguing and 10% having a lovely time
* You must be a really good fuck. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Poly solves that
I like this slogan. 
I confess I stole it from an ex partner
who is poly?
What did poly solve really? "
Sorry polyamory.
Was Only joking. But poly does solve the looking for your perfect person or someone to be your everything and encourages you to appreciate partners for so many different things they can bring to your life without the pressure of them being your everything. |
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"My observation is the longer you stay single the more you become settled in your own ways and less willing to exercise the compromise that is essential in any successful personal relationship. I see this in a lot of my older acquaintances. The longer they have been single, the worse they are. I have very attractive acquaintances who bemoan the fact that they can’t find a partner and are still single and when I suggest that it is because they choose to be, it can be a revelation..
Agree.
All this bollocks about how any partner has to love them at their worst or they don't deserve them at their best.
Yeah.. no ...fuck off. "
That line
In my experience, everyone who used that line is just an irredeemable arsehole. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Poly solves that
I like this slogan.
I confess I stole it from an ex partner
who is poly?
What did poly solve really?
She put the kettle on "
And we all sat down.
Wheres the Waiter/Waitress? Lol
Room service. Cant get any around here. I shall complain to basil Faulty! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"My observation is the longer you stay single the more you become settled in your own ways and less willing to exercise the compromise that is essential in any successful personal relationship. I see this in a lot of my older acquaintances. The longer they have been single, the worse they are. I have very attractive acquaintances who bemoan the fact that they can’t find a partner and are still single and when I suggest that it is because they choose to be, it can be a revelation..
Agree.
All this bollocks about how any partner has to love them at their worst or they don't deserve them at their best.
Yeah.. no ...fuck off. "
Yeah. Too rite Fuck off! Wheres your nearest liberary seat of learning. I wish to sample! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Two reasons I can think of:
- People living in cities are just more career oriented and spend less time on relationships
- There is this thing as too much of choice. It deceives you into believing that there is some perfect person out there m. People keep looking for that perfect person because they think there should be one among the millions living there. In reality, there is no such person and relationships always require some compromise.
Disposable. Something better will come along. "
are you talking about yourself here?
The life and outlook you percieve,it what is shall be on reality.
Live it large. Its only meat. |
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To be honest, I wouldn't be surprised if the future generations just decide to build humanoid robots for relationships so that they can be with the perfect person they want.
Don't like her dry sense of humour anyone? Let me tune this setting. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Is it only good looking or attractive people who can't find partners? That would explain why I've only been single for short periods
Seriously, all my life I've noticed that some people demand more from a relationship than they're willing to give and abandon it very quickly if it doesn't immediately match their requirements. Add to this the swipe left or right culture and people are left with quite unrealistic expectations.
Relationships are not like those annoying blond families dancing on Tik Tok with impossibly cute children who are always clean. They're 80% asking each other what to eat for dinner, 10% arguing and 10% having a lovely time"
Iam with you all the way. Old skooler here.
I keep saying and shareing. Many are only seeing the book cover from this shop window.
How many will read the contents.
Peace to good people of any congregation. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"My observation is the longer you stay single the more you become settled in your own ways and less willing to exercise the compromise that is essential in any successful personal relationship. I see this in a lot of my older acquaintances. The longer they have been single, the worse they are. I have very attractive acquaintances who bemoan the fact that they can’t find a partner and are still single and when I suggest that it is because they choose to be, it can be a revelation..
Agree.
All this bollocks about how any partner has to love them at their worst or they don't deserve them at their best.
Yeah.. no ...fuck off.
One of my least favourite phrases. "
Lol. Its all comeing out.
My late army Farther.
"Would have ,washed the mouth out with soap " and hung to dry! Lol |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Poly solves that
I like this slogan.
I confess I stole it from an ex partner
who is poly?
What did poly solve really?
Sorry polyamory.
Was Only joking. But poly does solve the looking for your perfect person or someone to be your everything and encourages you to appreciate partners for so many different things they can bring to your life without the pressure of them being your everything. "
Cool. Iam getting my head around these young labels of late.
Be your best partner to self first.
Rumi! " yesterday i tried to change the world! Today i am changeing my self "
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"I think people don’t settle for less than they want these days whereas before it was a case of pick whoever will have you "
Maybe not quite whoever would have you , but definitely who was accessible to you.
Like others have said with online dating, what is accessible to you is much wider, leaves you with more choice and in no rush to settle for so so
The internet also adds a layer of swiping 2d images and text. From that bunch you are swiping there might be someone you had instant chemistry had you chatted at a bar and wouldnt have cared about the similar maybe better options, with but you will never know that from a profile until you take the effort to meet them and then we come back around that loop of oh but what about the other “slightly better” (on paper) ones |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"To be honest, I wouldn't be surprised if the future generations just decide to build humanoid robots for relationships so that they can be with the perfect person they want.
Don't like her dry sense of humour anyone? Let me tune this setting."
the Bots are here all ready here.
Mass ptoduction is due to follow!
The platform has to be first set,for the actual role out.
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"My observation is the longer you stay single the more you become settled in your own ways and less willing to exercise the compromise that is essential in any successful personal relationship. I see this in a lot of my older acquaintances. The longer they have been single, the worse they are. I have very attractive acquaintances who bemoan the fact that they can’t find a partner and are still single and when I suggest that it is because they choose to be, it can be a revelation.."
You describe that as “the worse they are” why is it a bad thing?
Why does society always tells us that we need to bend and mould to find a partner as the number 1 goal in life when actually lots of us get to a point where (correct we don’t want to compromise and we are stuck in our own ways) but thats because we are genuinely happy in those ways and we would be compromising into someone we like less rather than more
I’m with someone now but was single for 10 years before that and every time i tried to compromise (read that actually as sacrifice part of myself) i was less happy than i was single
Luckily i met someone very similar to me so i get to have both my life i love and our life i love. But if i hadn’t i would still be happier alone than in a box to fit societies mould |
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"Poly solves that
I like this slogan.
I confess I stole it from an ex partner
who is poly?
What did poly solve really?
Sorry polyamory.
Was Only joking. But poly does solve the looking for your perfect person or someone to be your everything and encourages you to appreciate partners for so many different things they can bring to your life without the pressure of them being your everything. "
Perfectly put! Poly comes with its own challenges but its disperses the idea that one person needs to be someone's everything. |
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"My observation is the longer you stay single the more you become settled in your own ways and less willing to exercise the compromise that is essential in any successful personal relationship. I see this in a lot of my older acquaintances. The longer they have been single, the worse they are. I have very attractive acquaintances who bemoan the fact that they can’t find a partner and are still single and when I suggest that it is because they choose to be, it can be a revelation..
You describe that as “the worse they are” why is it a bad thing?
Why does society always tells us that we need to bend and mould to find a partner as the number 1 goal in life when actually lots of us get to a point where (correct we don’t want to compromise and we are stuck in our own ways) but thats because we are genuinely happy in those ways and we would be compromising into someone we like less rather than more
I’m with someone now but was single for 10 years before that and every time i tried to compromise (read that actually as sacrifice part of myself) i was less happy than i was single
Luckily i met someone very similar to me so i get to have both my life i love and our life i love. But if i hadn’t i would still be happier alone than in a box to fit societies mould "
I think there are nuances there. If people do not want to compromise, it's totally fine. But the people who do not want to compromise also need to know that it's really going to be hard for them to find a partner. They may even end up being single forever.
If they accept the fact that their lack of compromise is the reason for not being able to find a partner and know that it may even be outright impossible, it's a fair game. The problem is with some people bitch about it all the time saying how it's hard to find that perfect person and try to blame the whole thing on the society instead.
Another thing is people change. Their values change over their life. So the people who are unwilling to even compromise a little bit have another surprise coming down the lane even if they think they found the perfect person. |
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"My observation is the longer you stay single the more you become settled in your own ways and less willing to exercise the compromise that is essential in any successful personal relationship. I see this in a lot of my older acquaintances. The longer they have been single, the worse they are. I have very attractive acquaintances who bemoan the fact that they can’t find a partner and are still single and when I suggest that it is because they choose to be, it can be a revelation..
You describe that as “the worse they are” why is it a bad thing?
Why does society always tells us that we need to bend and mould to find a partner as the number 1 goal in life when actually lots of us get to a point where (correct we don’t want to compromise and we are stuck in our own ways) but thats because we are genuinely happy in those ways and we would be compromising into someone we like less rather than more
I’m with someone now but was single for 10 years before that and every time i tried to compromise (read that actually as sacrifice part of myself) i was less happy than i was single
Luckily i met someone very similar to me so i get to have both my life i love and our life i love. But if i hadn’t i would still be happier alone than in a box to fit societies mould
I think there are nuances there. If people do not want to compromise, it's totally fine. But the people who do not want to compromise also need to know that it's really going to be hard for them to find a partner. They may even end up being single forever.
If they accept the fact that their lack of compromise is the reason for not being able to find a partner and know that it may even be outright impossible, it's a fair game. The problem is with some people bitch about it all the time saying how it's hard to find that perfect person and try to blame the whole thing on the society instead.
Another thing is people change. Their values change over their life. So the people who are unwilling to even compromise a little bit have another surprise coming down the lane even if they think they found the perfect person. "
I agree with alot of that. And wether you want to be happy single or happy in a relationship you have to put in the internal work to figure out how you are in your own way. You can
But where i see it different is rather than blaming society for why they are single. I blame society for telling them its not ok to just be single.
I had pressure from every area of my life to meet someone, “settle” down, have a family, conform to their lifestyle essentially. I had family and friends, work colleagues, even almost strangers telling me i would be lonely and the answer to everything in life was just to find someone, that i was deficient in some way because i didnt have someone, that it will happen for me one day bla bla you know all the cliches
So there i was on every app , looking, then bitching that i couldnt find someone, because to be honest i didnt really want to find someone and was putting very little effort in. I just had every angle telling me it was what i was meant to be doing
I don’t want to be married or have children so i guess my pool of suitable matches was always smaller, and my deal breakers less easily compromised, but i think its a problem that in 2023 we still often define a successful life by the family milestones you hit. (Engagements, weddings, baby showers, anniversaries)
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"My observation is the longer you stay single the more you become settled in your own ways and less willing to exercise the compromise that is essential in any successful personal relationship. I see this in a lot of my older acquaintances. The longer they have been single, the worse they are. I have very attractive acquaintances who bemoan the fact that they can’t find a partner and are still single and when I suggest that it is because they choose to be, it can be a revelation..
You describe that as “the worse they are” why is it a bad thing?
Why does society always tells us that we need to bend and mould to find a partner as the number 1 goal in life when actually lots of us get to a point where (correct we don’t want to compromise and we are stuck in our own ways) but thats because we are genuinely happy in those ways and we would be compromising into someone we like less rather than more
I’m with someone now but was single for 10 years before that and every time i tried to compromise (read that actually as sacrifice part of myself) i was less happy than i was single
Luckily i met someone very similar to me so i get to have both my life i love and our life i love. But if i hadn’t i would still be happier alone than in a box to fit societies mould
I think there are nuances there. If people do not want to compromise, it's totally fine. But the people who do not want to compromise also need to know that it's really going to be hard for them to find a partner. They may even end up being single forever.
If they accept the fact that their lack of compromise is the reason for not being able to find a partner and know that it may even be outright impossible, it's a fair game. The problem is with some people bitch about it all the time saying how it's hard to find that perfect person and try to blame the whole thing on the society instead.
Another thing is people change. Their values change over their life. So the people who are unwilling to even compromise a little bit have another surprise coming down the lane even if they think they found the perfect person.
I agree with alot of that. And wether you want to be happy single or happy in a relationship you have to put in the internal work to figure out how you are in your own way. You can
But where i see it different is rather than blaming society for why they are single. I blame society for telling them its not ok to just be single.
I had pressure from every area of my life to meet someone, “settle” down, have a family, conform to their lifestyle essentially. I had family and friends, work colleagues, even almost strangers telling me i would be lonely and the answer to everything in life was just to find someone, that i was deficient in some way because i didnt have someone, that it will happen for me one day bla bla you know all the cliches
So there i was on every app , looking, then bitching that i couldnt find someone, because to be honest i didnt really want to find someone and was putting very little effort in. I just had every angle telling me it was what i was meant to be doing
I don’t want to be married or have children so i guess my pool of suitable matches was always smaller, and my deal breakers less easily compromised, but i think its a problem that in 2023 we still often define a successful life by the family milestones you hit. (Engagements, weddings, baby showers, anniversaries)
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I agree that people trying to force their ideal life on other people is wrong |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My observation is the longer you stay single the more you become settled in your own ways and less willing to exercise the compromise that is essential in any successful personal relationship. I see this in a lot of my older acquaintances. The longer they have been single, the worse they are. I have very attractive acquaintances who bemoan the fact that they can’t find a partner and are still single and when I suggest that it is because they choose to be, it can be a revelation..
You describe that as “the worse they are” why is it a bad thing?
Why does society always tells us that we need to bend and mould to find a partner as the number 1 goal in life when actually lots of us get to a point where (correct we don’t want to compromise and we are stuck in our own ways) but thats because we are genuinely happy in those ways and we would be compromising into someone we like less rather than more
I’m with someone now but was single for 10 years before that and every time i tried to compromise (read that actually as sacrifice part of myself) i was less happy than i was single
Luckily i met someone very similar to me so i get to have both my life i love and our life i love. But if i hadn’t i would still be happier alone than in a box to fit societies mould "
Maybe ’ worse’ is the wrong word as it sounds negative? More entrenched, less likely to change? The point is that it’s self inflicted. Essentially a choice that some people make to be unwilling to accept a little, or possibly a lot in their eyes, of compromise. That isn’t to say that some people won’t be happy with a totally emotionally solo existence. |
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