FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Things that make youchuckle on profiles...
Things that make youchuckle on profiles...
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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...I'm not racist just my preference!!
OK I get that everyone has a preference, no need to claim you're not a racist because that in it's self is suspect... Haha
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Sydney University! "
Seriously though, Sydney have massive interest in what goes on over here in this swinging country because absolutely no-one swings in Australia, they don't even have sex over there...  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sydney University!
Seriously though, Sydney have massive interest in what goes on over here in this swinging country because absolutely no-one swings in Australia, they don't even have sex over there... "
Australian foreplay = "brace yaself sheila"  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"will fill this bit in later" what the fuck is that about. You've had time to enroll, put in your will do list but havnt got time to elaborate? What's up has hubby just got home from work? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"...I'm not racist just my preference!!
OK I get that everyone has a preference, no need to claim you're not a racist because that in it's self is suspect... Haha
"
Not really, been accused several times of being racist, so altered my profile to say I'm not.
Have Asian and black friends, just don't find there cultures attractive which I why I don't meet.
What does make me laugh is people suggesting I may be racist, in the way your post does! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"No timewasters
!.does anybody really believe that timewasters reading that will think..ok then I won't"
HAHAHAHA!!!
Actually mae me make that response then you're pictures made me do this  haha. Yeah they must think, "oh but that's me... now I'm torn because I really like this one but I am a time waster... OK this one time I won't do it" |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"...I'm not racist just my preference!!
OK I get that everyone has a preference, no need to claim you're not a racist because that in it's self is suspect... Haha
Not really, been accused several times of being racist, so altered my profile to say I'm not.
Have Asian and black friends, just don't find there cultures attractive which I why I don't meet.
What does make me laugh is people suggesting I may be racist, in the way your post does!"
I think if you read someone's profile and get confused between racism and preferences then, you're an idiot haha.
I have a preference but that make me an 'ist'? Haha
I think if you even try and defend yourself it looks worse on the 'defendee' the one thing I would say is to not even bother saying it. to say you don't find someone's culture attractive is really confusing haha.
My post doesn't label anyone a racist it's more of a poke at the morons who go around branding racism on everyone because they are not someone's cup of tea... If I did that every time I got turned down by someone I would be a regular little Adolf! |
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By *iewMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Angus & Findhorn |
No bi guys/friends of TV's
and we will employ the services of an ancestry website to check if any family member or friend of said family members has ever watched 'La cage aux folles' |
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"No bi guys/friends of TV's
and we will employ the services of an ancestry website to check if any family member or friend of said family members has ever watched 'La cage aux folles'"
That's usually on the profile of someone who messages me to see if I'll arrange a bi guy mmf and include him...  |
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By *iewMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Angus & Findhorn |
"No bi guys/friends of TV's
and we will employ the services of an ancestry website to check if any family member or friend of said family members has ever watched 'La cage aux folles'
That's usually on the profile of someone who messages me to see if I'll arrange a bi guy mmf and include him... "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Only people in my age range contact me.. But their verifications are 10 years older/younger
Send me a message, I'll reply
Only contact if you have a face pic and they have to email one
No timewasters
The Legal ramifications one
"Any"message in the next hour will get an honest reply - then no reply..
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No timewasters
!.does anybody really believe that timewasters reading that will think..ok then I won't"
Lol! a bit like that sign that supposedly appeared at LA Airport after 9/11 - a pic of a bomb with a red line through it, 'no bombs past this point'... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Breathes through ears
Needs a snorkel
I dont bite well only if you want me too
Actually they make me roll my eyes more than chuckle.
Or when someone sends a message and says check out my profile so you do and there's nothing on there! ????!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"...I'm not racist just my preference!!
OK I get that everyone has a preference, no need to claim you're not a racist because that in it's self is suspect... Haha
Not really, been accused several times of being racist, so altered my profile to say I'm not.
Have Asian and black friends, just don't find there cultures attractive which I why I don't meet.
What does make me laugh is people suggesting I may be racist, in the way your post does!
I think if you read someone's profile and get confused between racism and preferences then, you're an idiot haha.
I have a preference but that make me an 'ist'? Haha
I think if you even try and defend yourself it looks worse on the 'defendee' the one thing I would say is to not even bother saying it. to say you don't find someone's culture attractive is really confusing haha.
My post doesn't label anyone a racist it's more of a poke at the morons who go around branding racism on everyone because they are not someone's cup of tea... If I did that every time I got turned down by someone I would be a regular little Adolf! "
unfortunately there are some right little hitler's on here as you put it, and that's why some times things needed spelling out on profiles. Defending yourself does not make you racist at all |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Unbelievably bad grammar.
Also typing like a 16 year old girl...
Oh how about uses of the phrase "Just saying" to try and justify some stupid comment... "I'm not gay but I like men sucking my cock, Just saying"
Actually these make me angry more than laugh... |
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No mingers from people who are mingers themselves.
To meet me you must, you will do, you must, you will have, you better not do etc
No pic no reply. From people with no pics.
We do not meet singles guys. What is it you singles guys do not get we do not meet singles guys ok? For the last time WE DO NOT MEET single guys. Followed by eight verification's. Seven from singles guys and one from a couple.
Some of the demands on profiles from women and couples are funny. Although to be fair it does go to your ego a bit when you get guys on here constantly telling you how sexy you are. So I can understand why some people go up their own arses and think they are far more beautiful and sexy than they actually are. You soon realise if a female goat came in the chat room some guy would tell it how sexy it is and ask if it wanted to watch him masturbate on cam. |
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"Single males that say they are 'totally straight so will guys stop mailing them as only interested in females only!!!' and then they mail a TV hmmmmmmmm lol x"
I have a straight male friend from here. He sometimes goes in the chat rooms and goes on cam. He does not masturbate. He does notice a lot of "straight males" look at him on cam and some of these "straight males" ask him if he will get his cock out for him and masturbate. |
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I love giving woman oral sex. I can breathe through my ears.
I love giving woman oral sex for hours. You must be terrible at it if it takes you hours.
I always put the ladies pleasure before mine.
Unlike some men on here I am not selfish in bed. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"...I'm not racist just my preference!!
OK I get that everyone has a preference, no need to claim you're not a racist because that in it's self is suspect... Haha
"
My profile states that I do not wish to meet black/asian guys and guess what - I'm not racist, its just that I dont find black/asian men attractive, same as I dont find men with long hair attractive - now does that make me hairist??? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"...I'm not racist just my preference!!
OK I get that everyone has a preference, no need to claim you're not a racist because that in it's self is suspect... Haha
My profile states that I do not wish to meet black/asian guys and guess what - I'm not racist, its just that I dont find black/asian men attractive, same as I dont find men with long hair attractive - now does that make me hairist???"
I think you're missing the point... I'm not calling anyone racist haha I'm saying people who feel the need to put that up shouldn't the whole putting it up is what gets peoples back up. I don't put up on my profile I don't want to meet blondes, my preference is brunette or red haired girls...
The whole point is, it's silly and not needed. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Make your reply interesting. How do you know what they will find interesting?
To prove you have read my profile put the word honey in your message. "
Hahaha exactly! What is interesting to me might be useless to someone else! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Someone put
'been on hear 10 mins and alreddy got a meat'
26 years old and that's how you spell......really????
It was all I could do not to poke my own eyes out. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"PEOPLE WHO RANT AND RAVE ABOUT EVERYTHING
WITHOUT PUTTING A SINGLE FULLSTOP INTO ANY OF THEIR INANE RAMBLINGS.
Oh, and overuse of capital letters as well "
And of course these people will have a profile heading of 'fun, friendly and laid back' |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"...I'm not racist just my preference!!
OK I get that everyone has a preference, no need to claim you're not a racist because that in it's self is suspect... Haha
My profile states that I do not wish to meet black/asian guys and guess what - I'm not racist, its just that I dont find black/asian men attractive, same as I dont find men with long hair attractive - now does that make me hairist???"
No it makes you honest like me, unfortunately some people don't see it that way |
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"...I'm not racist just my preference!!
OK I get that everyone has a preference, no need to claim you're not a racist because that in it's self is suspect... Haha
My profile states that I do not wish to meet black/asian guys and guess what - I'm not racist, its just that I dont find black/asian men attractive, same as I dont find men with long hair attractive - now does that make me hairist???
No it makes you honest like me, unfortunately some people don't see it that way"
I do understand where the op is coming from. Fair or not if I see "no black/Asian" I don't give it a second thought: preference. If I see "no black/Asian, I have black and Asian friends and I have a Chinese take away the last Friday every month, so I'm not racist"...I do think "racist".
As I said, it's probably not fair, but hey.
Back on point...on couples profiles: we are a very happy and secure couple with no jealousy issues, did we mention we're a very happy and secure couple, we NEVER meet alone as we're a very happy and secure couple.
Straight but has met a tv, left glowing verification about meeting "this gorgeous lady" and fucking her tight "pussy" and sucking her cock...but straight as an arrow.
Can't accommodate...but happy to meet at yours.
Ranting profiles...from nice, easy going people. |
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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago
Over the rainbow, under the bridge |
I'm attractive.
Well, great that you are so confident in yourself and that is always a positive, but really, I would like to decide that myself so send me a bloody face pic.
I would never write that on my profile - who am I to decide if I am attractive? I send a face pic and let others decide if they think I am. If they don't fancy me then so what? Doesn't make me ugly, just not their cup of tea. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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""Not meeting at the moment". Is it just not easier to hide your profile. "
Ditto, except they keep looking at our profile...... WTF is that about if you're 'not meeting'...???? 
 |
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I had a message from a guy saying he was straight then when I looked at his profile he said in the text something along the lines of 'I'm straight but I have been fucked by a guy and given/recieved oral' and every pic was of him bent over with his arse cheeks spread!
I've seen a few profiles that say please don't keep looking at my/our profile if you have no intention of meeting. Does it matter??
Also the people who say they are good looking.. Matter of perception lol. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I had a message from a guy saying he was straight then when I looked at his profile he said in the text something along the lines of 'I'm straight but I have been fucked by a guy and given/recieved oral' and every pic was of him bent over with his arse cheeks spread!
I've seen a few profiles that say please don't keep looking at my/our profile if you have no intention of meeting. Does it matter??
Also the people who say they are good looking.. Matter of perception lol. "
Always makes me laugh when people say please don't look at my/our profile and not contact us, we know you are looking type thing!
Erm you can _iew them without them knowing!
And what are they going to do if you _iew them 20 times in a row (visibly), grab you through the screen and tell you not to 
I personally hate seeing:
We are not looking for single men if/and when we do we know were to find you!
Also we are not into ping pong messages, we prefer to meet etc
Yet in the profile it says we like to take the time to get to know our meets first before we play, how are they going to do that then with no contact haha
(added the haha for the poster above ) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Oh and to all the paranoid "straight" men, just because a bloke has _iewed your profile does not mean they are bi/gay.
Advice given on here is to look at other profiles to see if you can improve/change your own.
So stop being paranoid!
Unless of course they message, do you wanna suck my cock? Then perhaps you are right to worry. |
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"Oh and to all the paranoid "straight" men, just because a bloke has _iewed your profile does not mean they are bi/gay.
Advice given on here is to look at other profiles to see if you can improve/change your own.
So stop being paranoid!
Unless of course they message, do you wanna suck my cock? Then perhaps you are right to worry. "
Nice to see you back xxxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Oh and to all the paranoid "straight" men, just because a bloke has _iewed your profile does not mean they are bi/gay.
Advice given on here is to look at other profiles to see if you can improve/change your own.
So stop being paranoid!
Unless of course they message, do you wanna suck my cock? Then perhaps you are right to worry. "
Make a change from the fancy a f&$k message |
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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago
Over the rainbow, under the bridge |
"I had a message from a guy saying he was straight then when I looked at his profile he said in the text something along the lines of 'I'm straight but I have been fucked by a guy and given/recieved oral' and every pic was of him bent over with his arse cheeks spread!
I've seen a few profiles that say please don't keep looking at my/our profile if you have no intention of meeting. Does it matter??
Also the people who say they are good looking.. Matter of perception lol.
Always makes me laugh when people say please don't look at my/our profile and not contact us, we know you are looking type thing!
Erm you can _iew them without them knowing!
And what are they going to do if you _iew them 20 times in a row (visibly), grab you through the screen and tell you not to
I personally hate seeing:
We are not looking for single men if/and when we do we know were to find you!
Also we are not into ping pong messages, we prefer to meet etc
Yet in the profile it says we like to take the time to get to know our meets first before we play, how are they going to do that then with no contact haha
(added the haha for the poster above) "
Unless you look at their profile and read that you shouldn't actually read their profile how would you know - and then you have 'broken' their rule of reading their profile when they stated not to read their profile ... erm. Me head aches now! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I had a message from a guy saying he was straight then when I looked at his profile he said in the text something along the lines of 'I'm straight but I have been fucked by a guy and given/recieved oral' and every pic was of him bent over with his arse cheeks spread!
I've seen a few profiles that say please don't keep looking at my/our profile if you have no intention of meeting. Does it matter??
Also the people who say they are good looking.. Matter of perception lol.
Always makes me laugh when people say please don't look at my/our profile and not contact us, we know you are looking type thing!
Erm you can _iew them without them knowing!
And what are they going to do if you _iew them 20 times in a row (visibly), grab you through the screen and tell you not to
I personally hate seeing:
We are not looking for single men if/and when we do we know were to find you!
Also we are not into ping pong messages, we prefer to meet etc
Yet in the profile it says we like to take the time to get to know our meets first before we play, how are they going to do that then with no contact haha
(added the haha for the poster above)
Unless you look at their profile and read that you shouldn't actually read their profile how would you know - and then you have 'broken' their rule of reading their profile when they stated not to read their profile ... erm. Me head aches now! "
And mine!
You must need a lie down! You don't actually read profiles do you? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Oh and to all the paranoid "straight" men, just because a bloke has _iewed your profile does not mean they are bi/gay.
Advice given on here is to look at other profiles to see if you can improve/change your own.
So stop being paranoid!
Unless of course they message, do you wanna suck my cock? Then perhaps you are right to worry.
Make a change from the fancy a f&$k message "
Fancy a f*ck from a man to another man you mean? A straight one where any hole is a goal
I suppose it would be more polite to say, can you suck my cock and then bend over, don't you think? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Oh and to all the paranoid "straight" men, just because a bloke has _iewed your profile does not mean they are bi/gay.
Advice given on here is to look at other profiles to see if you can improve/change your own.
So stop being paranoid!
Unless of course they message, do you wanna suck my cock? Then perhaps you are right to worry.
Nice to see you back xxxx "
Wanna suck my cock? Lol xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Oh and to all the paranoid "straight" men, just because a bloke has _iewed your profile does not mean they are bi/gay.
Advice given on here is to look at other profiles to see if you can improve/change your own.
So stop being paranoid! o
Unless of course they message, do you wanna suck my cock? Then perhaps you are right to worry.
Make a change from the fancy a f&$k message
Fancy a f*ck from a man to another man you mean? A straight one where any hole is a goal
I suppose it would be more polite to say, can you suck my cock and then bend over, don't you think? "
Hahaha, depends how polite they are. |
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"Oh and to all the paranoid "straight" men, just because a bloke has _iewed your profile does not mean they are bi/gay.
Advice given on here is to look at other profiles to see if you can improve/change your own.
So stop being paranoid!
Unless of course they message, do you wanna suck my cock? Then perhaps you are right to worry.
Nice to see you back xxxx
Wanna suck my cock? Lol xxx"
Bring it on!!   |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Oh and to all the paranoid "straight" men, just because a bloke has _iewed your profile does not mean they are bi/gay.
Advice given on here is to look at other profiles to see if you can improve/change your own.
So stop being paranoid!
Unless of course they message, do you wanna suck my cock? Then perhaps you are right to worry. "
One of the first messages I got was from a 'straight' lad asking if I wanted my cock sucking  |
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By *londeCazWoman
over a year ago
Arse End of the Universe, Cumbria |
"No bi guys/friends of TV's
and we will employ the services of an ancestry website to check if any family member or friend of said family members has ever watched 'La cage aux folles'"
Don't forget Priscilla, Queen of the Desert |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The phrase 'jog on'. Regardless of whether it applies to me, I always immediately stop reading and look elsewhere."
Doesn't make me laugh, makes me think of the sort of person who sees themselves as a straight talker, but is normally unbelievably opinionated based on their years of research in Hello and OK magazine
I too "jog on" as soon as I see those two words as I know immediately we are not going to get along!
An a humourous note, people who describe themselves as Kinky and they clearly aren't |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Oh and people who have "don't add us as friends until we've had a chat"
The reason you know it says that on their profile is they've just sent you a friend invite so you've opened their profile to have a look!
Also
I can't begin to remember all the people who've sent us winks who then have "don't send us winks, because if you can't be bothered to write a message you're not for us!" ummmmm ok delete |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I am very good looking".... They then send the dreaded face picture and inside I'm thinking "the only person who could've possibly told you that is your mother" |
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"Unbelievably bad grammar.
Also typing like a 16 year old girl...
Oh how about uses of the phrase "Just saying" to try and justify some stupid comment... "I'm not gay but I like men sucking my cock, Just saying"
Actually these make me angry more than laugh... "
Men who equate the infantile ramblings of their own gender to 16 year old girls. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When people say "I/we prefer trimmed or shaved on potential meets" yet when you check out their pics they're clearly harbouring what could only be described as Jurassic park in their pants!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"When people say "I/we prefer trimmed or shaved on potential meets" yet when you check out their pics they're clearly harbouring what could only be described as Jurassic park in their pants!! "
A dinosaur? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"knows how to use it"
Well you'd hope so wouldn't you?!
And agree with the 'find people of a certain race unattractive, but I'm not racist' lines (and the reverse for that matter)
Also 'not looking' and yet they've just _iewed your profile |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I am a big bad DOM MALE, (because I have heard of fifty shades of grey but actually, I do not have a clue!!)
I get that all the bloomin time"
You will call me "Lord Master Sir MassivePorksword" and will kneel at my feet with my other slaves unless I select you to shag some of my Dom friends.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I like the "don't" profiles as in don't wink ( well of course you do then) don't send friends requests ( Again you just have to send one) don't message without a face picture so again you don't send one. I think the don't profiles make people do the opposite half the time. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Another that gets us is...
Please mention the word ( ) in you message title so we know you have read our profile..
What if we didnt mention it but instead told you all about what you like and dont like ..
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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""I am very good looking".... They then send the dreaded face picture and inside I'm thinking "the only person who could've possibly told you that is your mother"
 "
... Right before she dropped them on their heads...... |
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"I am straight but orally and playfully bi ,i wont take it up the arse but i'll smash your back doors in oh and would love a meet with a tv .....now remember I'm Straight "
I have tears in my eyes from laughing too hard! |
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