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Gentlemen! Do you call out your...
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Gentlemen!
This one is predominantly for you lovely lot...
Do you call out... your buddies for negative behaviour towards women?
I'm not talking about eyeing up a woman, making comments to each other about wanting to bang someone.. I'm talking about the creeps that grope women on vanilla dancefloors, call her a bitch/stuck up etc for rejecting him, real negative dangerous behaviour?
I truly want to know.. Are you the kind of guy that holds a candle up to their friends/own behaviour and call out others? Or do you ignore it unless it's directly your problem?... Or maybe you never think about it?
Answers publicly or privately or on a postcard.
Love Blas xx
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By *mf123Man
over a year ago
with one foot out the door |
Dont personally know anyone who would act like that in public and i try not to have mates they tend to die or vanish from your life so id not have any issue pulling someone on it id likely not have liked em before it anyway |
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By *aggonerMan
over a year ago
for a penny |
We clearly move in different circles. I have never seen anyone grope women on dance floors since I was 16. None of my friends would call her a bitch/stuck up etc for rejecting him.
Or any negative dangerous behaviour.
I suggest you reconsider your friendships. |
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"Without a doubt I'll call them out if being out of order, I don't like seeing anyone being treated badly or made to feel uncomfortable "
Good to hear, there definitely needs to be more men that do, sadly these kinds of people don't listen to us ladies with our lady brains so often even a serious bollocking just gets you nowhere. Xx thanks for replying |
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"We clearly move in different circles. I have never seen anyone grope women on dance floors since I was 16. None of my friends would call her a bitch/stuck up etc for rejecting him.
Or any negative dangerous behaviour.
I suggest you reconsider your friendships. "
Oh my sweet summer child.
I only wish you were correct but you sadly are very very wrong. It's certainly not the woman's fault in all the examples of this that I know of in my friendship group.. next you'll be asking what she was wearing.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I now work for myself from home, so only my own company (apart from the dogs) most of the day.
When did work in an office, I very nearly go sacked for called my boss out on his affairs and the damage it was doing to his wife and daughter. |
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I don't have any friends that would grope people on any dance floor.
I call my friends out about overly derogatory language though, which is a very rare occurance tbh. Anything past commenting on how good someone looks is pretty uncalled for at the age we're all at tbh. |
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By *rder66Man
over a year ago
Tatooine |
I have and do call out people on their behavour regadless of the type of behavou it is.
As a single parent to a daughter, I'm her example to how the world should act and I set the bar very high. |
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"My friends aren't like that and if they were, we probably wouldn't be friends.
Very good to know "
I think the more interesting question would be weather you would call out a stranger for it if you see it. I like to think it's easy to call out your mates for it but it's a lot tougher when it's someone you don't know doing it. |
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By *aggonerMan
over a year ago
for a penny |
"We clearly move in different circles. I have never seen anyone grope women on dance floors since I was 16. None of my friends would call her a bitch/stuck up etc for rejecting him.
Or any negative dangerous behaviour.
I suggest you reconsider your friendships.
Oh my sweet summer child.
I only wish you were correct but you sadly are very very wrong. It's certainly not the woman's fault in all the examples of this that I know of in my friendship group.. next you'll be asking what she was wearing.. "
How am I wrong?
I have given you my experience. I don’t have any friends that match your description. You can’t refute that.
I didn’t comment on any women’s behaviour.
I would suggest that you didn’t read my post. |
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I remember someone once said to me that every woman knows a woman who has been sexually assaulted/harassed but no men know a man who is an assaulter/harasser. The behaviours that are red flags to some sadly aren’t red flags to most and become ‘banter’ and ‘lads being lads’. If they knew one of their friends had done something like that I imagine they wouldn’t remain friends for long but it isn’t something men go around advertising they’ve done. The subtle things are where the signs are, some people spot them but most don’t.
C x |
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"I remember someone once said to me that every woman knows a woman who has been sexually assaulted/harassed but no men know a man who is an assaulter/harasser. The behaviours that are red flags to some sadly aren’t red flags to most and become ‘banter’ and ‘lads being lads’. If they knew one of their friends had done something like that I imagine they wouldn’t remain friends for long but it isn’t something men go around advertising they’ve done. The subtle things are where the signs are, some people spot them but most don’t.
C x"
100% this |
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I've never had to call or a friend for behaviour like this or anything close because I don't have people like that in my circle.
I have called out work colleagues for inappropriate behaviour and disciplined them which in one case caused the guy to physically assault me.
I'm the father of 3 grown daughters and have never heard of anyone being assaulted on a dance floor. They have never had those experiences. |
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"I now work for myself from home, so only my own company (apart from the dogs) most of the day.
When did work in an office, I very nearly go sacked for called my boss out on his affairs and the damage it was doing to his wife and daughter."
I've been in a very similar position funnily enough. |
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"I don't have any friends that would grope people on any dance floor.
I call my friends out about overly derogatory language though, which is a very rare occurance tbh. Anything past commenting on how good someone looks is pretty uncalled for at the age we're all at tbh. "
Totally agree |
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"I have and do call out people on their behavour regadless of the type of behavou it is.
As a single parent to a daughter, I'm her example to how the world should act and I set the bar very high."
She's got a good guy in her corner then xx |
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"We clearly move in different circles. I have never seen anyone grope women on dance floors since I was 16. None of my friends would call her a bitch/stuck up etc for rejecting him.
Or any negative dangerous behaviour.
I suggest you reconsider your friendships.
Oh my sweet summer child.
I only wish you were correct but you sadly are very very wrong. It's certainly not the woman's fault in all the examples of this that I know of in my friendship group.. next you'll be asking what she was wearing..
How am I wrong?
I have given you my experience. I don’t have any friends that match your description. You can’t refute that.
I didn’t comment on any women’s behaviour.
I would suggest that you didn’t read my post. "
Oh I read it.
You can disagree if you like. |
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"I remember someone once said to me that every woman knows a woman who has been sexually assaulted/harassed but no men know a man who is an assaulter/harasser. The behaviours that are red flags to some sadly aren’t red flags to most and become ‘banter’ and ‘lads being lads’. If they knew one of their friends had done something like that I imagine they wouldn’t remain friends for long but it isn’t something men go around advertising they’ve done. The subtle things are where the signs are, some people spot them but most don’t.
C x
100% this "
Couldn't have said it better myself. |
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By *uscle88Man
over a year ago
Potters Bar |
"Gentlemen!
This one is predominantly for you lovely lot...
Do you call out... your buddies for negative behaviour towards women?
I'm not talking about eyeing up a woman, making comments to each other about wanting to bang someone.. I'm talking about the creeps that grope women on vanilla dancefloors, call her a bitch/stuck up etc for rejecting him, real negative dangerous behaviour?
I truly want to know.. Are you the kind of guy that holds a candle up to their friends/own behaviour and call out others? Or do you ignore it unless it's directly your problem?... Or maybe you never think about it?
Answers publicly or privately or on a postcard.
Love Blas xx
"
I don’t personally associate with the sort of shit cunts that feel that’s acceptable and if I saw something like that I’d deal with him myself. I’m old school in every way possible, morals, principles and respect are the values I hold so yeah that goes against the grain |
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"My friends aren't like that and if they were, we probably wouldn't be friends.
Very good to know
I think the more interesting question would be weather you would call out a stranger for it if you see it. I like to think it's easy to call out your mates for it but it's a lot tougher when it's someone you don't know doing it."
It's certainly tougher calling out strangers than friends but imagine if every guy called out his own friends... That's the goal and the message.. hopefully.. |
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"Gentlemen!
This one is predominantly for you lovely lot...
Do you call out... your buddies for negative behaviour towards women?
I'm not talking about eyeing up a woman, making comments to each other about wanting to bang someone.. I'm talking about the creeps that grope women on vanilla dancefloors, call her a bitch/stuck up etc for rejecting him, real negative dangerous behaviour?
I truly want to know.. Are you the kind of guy that holds a candle up to their friends/own behaviour and call out others? Or do you ignore it unless it's directly your problem?... Or maybe you never think about it?
Answers publicly or privately or on a postcard.
Love Blas xx
I don’t personally associate with the sort of shit cunts that feel that’s acceptable and if I saw something like that I’d deal with him myself. I’m old school in every way possible, morals, principles and respect are the values I hold so yeah that goes against the grain "
There's definitely a good vibe about a lot of you gents replying, very much appreciate your opinion.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sadly both men and women are guilty of this type of lewd behaviour. All should be called out on it but realistically it's not just as simple. A person could end up getting a beating for stepping in which is also sad but it's a real risk. |
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By *empusMan
over a year ago
Poole |
I would like to think I would say something or step in if I saw anyone being miss-treated in any scenario. My friends are all good people though, if they were to behave like that then we wouldn’t have become friends.
As for chatting with mates; it’s more about tone, privately swearing about someone who turned you down is not a big deal but trying to destroy someone’s character/reputation for a petty reason is just pathetic. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't call it out enough. If any of my mates is wankered enough to become creepy, I'll sort him out. If it's someone I don't know, I have stepped in before but also missed the cue more than a few times. Mixed bag, hoping to do better every time.  |
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"Sadly both men and women are guilty of this type of lewd behaviour. All should be called out on it but realistically it's not just as simple. A person could end up getting a beating for stepping in which is also sad but it's a real risk."
The physical risk is real, xx thanks for the insight, |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I certainly do call out my buddies for negative behaviour towards pretty much anyone, to be honest.
Most of my friends are women and I've called them out on negative attitudes towards other women, and men.
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"I certainly do call out my buddies for negative behaviour towards pretty much anyone, to be honest.
Most of my friends are women and I've called them out on negative attitudes towards other women, and men.
"
Negativity between women really grinds my gear and competition too actually, what a world it would be if everyone could live and let live xx |
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Yes i do call people out though my friends don’t behave in this manner.
I called someone that i used to work with out last year for the way he spoke to his gf on the phone.
I can’t abide by unnecessary rude behaviour and especially language
Marc |
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"I certainly do call out my buddies for negative behaviour towards pretty much anyone, to be honest.
Most of my friends are women and I've called them out on negative attitudes towards other women, and men.
Negativity between women really grinds my gear and competition too actually, what a world it would be if everyone could live and let live xx "
What about negativity between men? Would you call this behaviour out?
Marc |
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"Yes i do call people out though my friends don’t behave in this manner.
I called someone that i used to work with out last year for the way he spoke to his gf on the phone.
I can’t abide by unnecessary rude behaviour and especially language
Marc"
We need more gents like that.
Respect goes such a long way |
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By *oxy jWoman
over a year ago
somerset |
op you expect a truthful answer on these forums ? from most who just wanna wank or flash or fuck in a taxi ... or want you to nick your wifes undies to wank with or exchange pics without her knowing lol you really think you'll ghet a honest answer 
not all of course |
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"I certainly do call out my buddies for negative behaviour towards pretty much anyone, to be honest.
Most of my friends are women and I've called them out on negative attitudes towards other women, and men.
Negativity between women really grinds my gear and competition too actually, what a world it would be if everyone could live and let live xx
What about negativity between men? Would you call this behaviour out?
Marc"
Absolutely. All toxic behaviour and negativity should be called out, I know I do. I run my mouth before my brain engages and get into trouble a lot with it for exactly that. I work with a lot of guys so I see it more often than in my daily life and friendship groups but I'll call out any gender for any of this kind of thing |
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No guy in my friendship circle (or family for that matter) behaves like that, BUT if they did they'd certainly get pulled up on it...
Unfortunately, I've experienced being grabbed by my arm, had hands grip my waist or gotten my arse slapped etc as I've walked past people in a nightclub or bar.
I don't care if "you like what you see" or "you're just being friendly" etc, nobody has the right to touch another
 |
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"No guy in my friendship circle (or family for that matter) behaves like that, BUT if they did they'd certainly get pulled up on it...
Unfortunately, I've experienced being grabbed by my arm, had hands grip my waist or gotten my arse slapped etc as I've walked past people in a nightclub or bar.
I don't care if "you like what you see" or "you're just being friendly" etc, nobody has the right to touch another
"
Same here. It's something worth discussing here I think xx |
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" op you expect a truthful answer on these forums ? from most who just wanna wank or flash or fuck in a taxi ... or want you to nick your wifes undies to wank with or exchange pics without her knowing lol you really think you'll ghet a honest answer
not all of course "
I'm absolutely certain I'll get a few people who are dishonest, a few who are white knights and a few who are outraged by this uppety flesh light but thems the breaks I can read between the lines xxxx |
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Not any of my friends are like this,
but if any of them did act like this. I would tell them straight and say to them. What the fuck are you doing?
And if that was your sister, would you like that?
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"I would like to think I would say something or step in if I saw anyone being miss-treated in any scenario. My friends are all good people though, if they were to behave like that then we wouldn’t have become friends.
As for chatting with mates; it’s more about tone, privately swearing about someone who turned you down is not a big deal but trying to destroy someone’s character/reputation for a petty reason is just pathetic."
Actually what you see as not a big deal i see as one of those subtle red flags referred to above.
If he is swearing about it he more than likely thought he was entitled to a yes. And if he thinks its ok to show that about himself in company, what does he think is ok when nobody is watching? Seedy undertones often exist without it needing to be a big reputation destroying activity like you mention |
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By *empusMan
over a year ago
Poole |
"We clearly move in different circles. I have never seen anyone grope women on dance floors since I was 16. None of my friends would call her a bitch/stuck up etc for rejecting him.
Or any negative dangerous behaviour.
I suggest you reconsider your friendships.
Oh my sweet summer child.
I only wish you were correct but you sadly are very very wrong. It's certainly not the woman's fault in all the examples of this that I know of in my friendship group.. next you'll be asking what she was wearing..
How am I wrong?
I have given you my experience. I don’t have any friends that match your description. You can’t refute that.
I didn’t comment on any women’s behaviour.
I would suggest that you didn’t read my post.
Oh I read it.
You can disagree if you like."
Oh my sweet summer child??? Thought you didn’t like unjust negative language?!
I thought his original reply read very similarly to other you have praised. |
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"I would like to think I would say something or step in if I saw anyone being miss-treated in any scenario. My friends are all good people though, if they were to behave like that then we wouldn’t have become friends.
As for chatting with mates; it’s more about tone, privately swearing about someone who turned you down is not a big deal but trying to destroy someone’s character/reputation for a petty reason is just pathetic.
Actually what you see as not a big deal i see as one of those subtle red flags referred to above.
If he is swearing about it he more than likely thought he was entitled to a yes. And if he thinks its ok to show that about himself in company, what does he think is ok when nobody is watching? Seedy undertones often exist without it needing to be a big reputation destroying activity like you mention "
Exactly this!
It is very telling that every man here has replied saying they don’t know any men that have behaved like that and yet if we asked the women commenting whether they’ve had any experience like that, it would be a very different story. And the men who treat women like that all have friends and family.
C x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
It is very telling that every man here has replied saying they don’t know any men that have behaved like that and yet if we asked the women commenting whether they’ve had any experience like that, it would be a very different story. And the men who treat women like that all have friends and family.
C x"
I knew of a few men who behaved like that, they either cleaned up their act or no longer my mates.
Deffo see people getting unwanted attention every time I go out though. That's why I said I didn't call it out enough |
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By *empusMan
over a year ago
Poole |
"I would like to think I would say something or step in if I saw anyone being miss-treated in any scenario. My friends are all good people though, if they were to behave like that then we wouldn’t have become friends.
As for chatting with mates; it’s more about tone, privately swearing about someone who turned you down is not a big deal but trying to destroy someone’s character/reputation for a petty reason is just pathetic.
Actually what you see as not a big deal i see as one of those subtle red flags referred to above.
If he is swearing about it he more than likely thought he was entitled to a yes. And if he thinks its ok to show that about himself in company, what does he think is ok when nobody is watching? Seedy undertones often exist without it needing to be a big reputation destroying activity like you mention "
I disagree. Good to think about and reflect on stuff like this though.
Really didn’t expect the whole forum thing when I joined fab but it’s become one of my favourite bits about hanging out here. |
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By *r_PinkMan
over a year ago
london stratford |
"Gentlemen!
This one is predominantly for you lovely lot...
Do you call out... your buddies for negative behaviour towards women?
I'm not talking about eyeing up a woman, making comments to each other about wanting to bang someone.. I'm talking about the creeps that grope women on vanilla dancefloors, call her a bitch/stuck up etc for rejecting him, real negative dangerous behaviour?
I truly want to know.. Are you the kind of guy that holds a candle up to their friends/own behaviour and call out others? Or do you ignore it unless it's directly your problem?... Or maybe you never think about it?
Answers publicly or privately or on a postcard.
Love Blas xx
"
Luckily for me, I have no friends lick that.
All my vanilla friends are generally good eggs and wouldn't do that.
Then there is my fetish friends and they are even more respectful.
BUT ....... If I did see a friend do that I would have a strong few words to say. |
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"I would like to think I would say something or step in if I saw anyone being miss-treated in any scenario. My friends are all good people though, if they were to behave like that then we wouldn’t have become friends.
As for chatting with mates; it’s more about tone, privately swearing about someone who turned you down is not a big deal but trying to destroy someone’s character/reputation for a petty reason is just pathetic.
Actually what you see as not a big deal i see as one of those subtle red flags referred to above.
If he is swearing about it he more than likely thought he was entitled to a yes. And if he thinks its ok to show that about himself in company, what does he think is ok when nobody is watching? Seedy undertones often exist without it needing to be a big reputation destroying activity like you mention "
Very well said xxx |
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"We clearly move in different circles. I have never seen anyone grope women on dance floors since I was 16. None of my friends would call her a bitch/stuck up etc for rejecting him.
Or any negative dangerous behaviour.
I suggest you reconsider your friendships.
Oh my sweet summer child.
I only wish you were correct but you sadly are very very wrong. It's certainly not the woman's fault in all the examples of this that I know of in my friendship group.. next you'll be asking what she was wearing..
How am I wrong?
I have given you my experience. I don’t have any friends that match your description. You can’t refute that.
I didn’t comment on any women’s behaviour.
I would suggest that you didn’t read my post.
Oh I read it.
You can disagree if you like.
Oh my sweet summer child??? Thought you didn’t like unjust negative language?!
I thought his original reply read very similarly to other you have praised."
I don't agree. |
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By *mf123Man
over a year ago
with one foot out the door |
"I would like to think I would say something or step in if I saw anyone being miss-treated in any scenario. My friends are all good people though, if they were to behave like that then we wouldn’t have become friends.
As for chatting with mates; it’s more about tone, privately swearing about someone who turned you down is not a big deal but trying to destroy someone’s character/reputation for a petty reason is just pathetic.
Actually what you see as not a big deal i see as one of those subtle red flags referred to above.
If he is swearing about it he more than likely thought he was entitled to a yes. And if he thinks its ok to show that about himself in company, what does he think is ok when nobody is watching? Seedy undertones often exist without it needing to be a big reputation destroying activity like you mention
Exactly this!
It is very telling that every man here has replied saying they don’t know any men that have behaved like that and yet if we asked the women commenting whether they’ve had any experience like that, it would be a very different story. And the men who treat women like that all have friends and family.
C x"
i dont have friends i have people i know a bit and i keep family at arms lenth too much easier that way and safer |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Gentlemen!
This one is predominantly for you lovely lot...
Do you call out... your buddies for negative behaviour towards women?
I'm not talking about eyeing up a woman, making comments to each other about wanting to bang someone.. I'm talking about the creeps that grope women on vanilla dancefloors, call her a bitch/stuck up etc for rejecting him, real negative dangerous behaviour?
I truly want to know.. Are you the kind of guy that holds a candle up to their friends/own behaviour and call out others? Or do you ignore it unless it's directly your problem?... Or maybe you never think about it?
Answers publicly or privately or on a postcard.
Love Blas xx
"
Absolutely! Doesn't even have to be the big stuff; catcalling, not getting the hint etc. are all gateways to doing something much worse and so nipping it in the bud is the right thing to do. |
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There has been an advertising campaign running about this.
We had it at work.
Unfortunately i can't see it making to much of a difference as the person who is normally committing these things is the alpha, so doesn't get challenged by anyone about anything. Even in this day and age that is unfortunately the way of the world. To my shame i have no doubt i have followed along the lines of compliance. |
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"It's interesting to me how women's experience of (some) men differs from men's experience of men.
"
Isn't it... The first time I was touched inappropriately, I was in secondary school. The last time was a couple of months ago. Yet these men don't seem to exist. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Last year I went on a night out with a female friend, while sat at the bar a guy approached me and asked if he could hit on my mate (assuming we were together.) I said go for it but she’d shut him down quicker than I would if I wasn’t a friend, five minuets later he came back to the bar and started grumbling about being shut down.
That all said if a lass approached saying she couldn’t handle somebody coming onto them I’d play the knight in shining tin foil to make sure nothing bad happened |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
So definitely not eyeing up or making comments they want to bang them because I do that myself. But I had issue with a friend recently who banged a girl then said she’s psycho and won’t be seeing her again. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"It's interesting to me how women's experience of (some) men differs from men's experience of men.
"
Not directed to you just some thoughts your post triggered
(some  maybe even more than some) men are pretty terrible. They’re in our lives. *Perhaps* not as our friends because they’re elected by us (unlikely they’d act like that in front of Friends unless they felt their friends were of similar views on the actions) but probably in other capacities. Bad men are hiding in plain sight. They’re on this site, perhaps in this forum etc. I think these men hide well mostly but amongst your friends I think they’re easier identified in their other more general attitudes towards women. And men that don’t have the same attitudes towards women as me are not my friends. But more generally I reckon (imo) these men are just clever enough to hide well. Maybe this is waffle but it’s 4am so allow me |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I couldn’t imagine having friends that treated women like shit. Gross.
Ditto, all of my friends are lovely guys with happy women in their lives
Maybe I'm the one that needs calling out  "
All my friends are just woke SJWs like me |
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"We clearly move in different circles. I have never seen anyone grope women on dance floors since I was 16. None of my friends would call her a bitch/stuck up etc for rejecting him.
Or any negative dangerous behaviour.
I suggest you reconsider your friendships. "
I seen it happen but I am not associated with them |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We clearly move in different circles. I have never seen anyone grope women on dance floors since I was 16. None of my friends would call her a bitch/stuck up etc for rejecting him.
Or any negative dangerous behaviour.
I suggest you reconsider your friendships. "
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"Gentlemen!
This one is predominantly for you lovely lot...
Do you call out... your buddies for negative behaviour towards women?
I'm not talking about eyeing up a woman, making comments to each other about wanting to bang someone.. I'm talking about the creeps that grope women on vanilla dancefloors, call her a bitch/stuck up etc for rejecting him, real negative dangerous behaviour?
I truly want to know.. Are you the kind of guy that holds a candle up to their friends/own behaviour and call out others? Or do you ignore it unless it's directly your problem?... Or maybe you never think about it?
Answers publicly or privately or on a postcard.
Love Blas xx
"
I don’t have any buddies who would do that |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Gentlemen!
This one is predominantly for you lovely lot...
Do you call out... your buddies for negative behaviour towards women?
I'm not talking about eyeing up a woman, making comments to each other about wanting to bang someone.. I'm talking about the creeps that grope women on vanilla dancefloors, call her a bitch/stuck up etc for rejecting him, real negative dangerous behaviour?
I truly want to know.. Are you the kind of guy that holds a candle up to their friends/own behaviour and call out others? Or do you ignore it unless it's directly your problem?... Or maybe you never think about it?
Answers publicly or privately or on a postcard.
Love Blas xx
"
We all or most see view faults in others all day long. Seldom do we can we ever correct ourselves ,our thinkng,our mindset,our real behaviour and most of it stems back to childhood. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It also happens to me alot. It's my pet peeve and now I cut all ties with these prick teasers."
Prick teaser's? Pussy teaser's? Timewaster's? Other labels
A trend and pattern here.
There deff is far more going on in the words many use. And the very actions of themselves.
All of us here on Fab. And the wider world at large.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What about calling out friends who just prick tease people, lulling them into false security? I seen that happen and call them out as I hate time wasters."
Can i ask,before you get your back up!
Have you ever wasted a man's time? On here or elsewhere!
What is your version of a timewaster?
Have you prickteased?
Have you been pussy teased?
Cheers in advance.  |
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"O.P.
Check yourself first.
QUOTE I'm not talking about eyeing up a woman, making comments to each other about wanting to bang someone..UNQUOTE
It's not okay .... "
I'm also not saying it's right.. what I am asking about particularly is the most obvious ones and you can see from the replies that the more subtle ones are missed but most men, there's a lot of women who have been harassed in some way on here but few know 'guys like that' this was to shine a light and see what other men think, I don't need to check myself, I know exactly why I asked the way I did. Xx |
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"It's interesting to me how women's experience of (some) men differs from men's experience of men.
Not directed to you just some thoughts your post triggered
(some maybe even more than some) men are pretty terrible. They’re in our lives. *Perhaps* not as our friends because they’re elected by us (unlikely they’d act like that in front of Friends unless they felt their friends were of similar views on the actions) but probably in other capacities. Bad men are hiding in plain sight. They’re on this site, perhaps in this forum etc. I think these men hide well mostly but amongst your friends I think they’re easier identified in their other more general attitudes towards women. And men that don’t have the same attitudes towards women as me are not my friends. But more generally I reckon (imo) these men are just clever enough to hide well. Maybe this is waffle but it’s 4am so allow me "
Insightful for 4am xx |
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"What about calling out friends who just prick tease people, lulling them into false security? I seen that happen and call them out as I hate time wasters."
All toxic behaviour should be addressed, I agree with you. X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Without a doubt I'll call them out if being out of order, I don't like seeing anyone being treated badly or made to feel uncomfortable "
My mates wouldn't mistreat others. If they did, they wouldn't be people I'd call mates.
I've challenged people before and will continue to do so, whether that is for sexist, racist or any other nasty behaviour.
If we all challenged more often then the dickheads might learn that unacceptable behaviour is unacceptable.
Being nice to each other is just nicer!
The world can be quite simple sometimes |
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I've posted about this before but I think it bears repeating.
I have a friend of many years who gets a bit handsy when he's had a few. A squeeze round the waist then his hand slipping a bit too low... Nothing more than that. I've never said a thing about it. We have many mutual friends, I know his wife, I know he's also like this with other friends.
Should I call this out?
Life is rarely black and white and predatory behaviour comes in many, many shades of grey.
Every single female friend I've spoken to has experienced similar. Not r*pe or serious sexual assault (although some have). But this low level type of thing.
Personally, I think anyone who says "none of my friends would ever do that" is kidding themselves or extremely unusual.
Mrs TMN x |
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"I've posted about this before but I think it bears repeating.
I have a friend of many years who gets a bit handsy when he's had a few. A squeeze round the waist then his hand slipping a bit too low... Nothing more than that. I've never said a thing about it. We have many mutual friends, I know his wife, I know he's also like this with other friends.
Should I call this out?
Life is rarely black and white and predatory behaviour comes in many, many shades of grey.
Every single female friend I've spoken to has experienced similar. Not r*pe or serious sexual assault (although some have). But this low level type of thing.
Personally, I think anyone who says "none of my friends would ever do that" is kidding themselves or extremely unusual.
Mrs TMN x"
I think it is down to individual choice as to wether you call out low level bs, but it should be called out.. but I agree with what you are saying about the rest very much. |
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By *vilgasamWoman
over a year ago
The dot in the i |
I’d really love to see one person call out another in real day to day life
As things are I don’t, I see people bow their heads or turn away and let others get away with it
Like the time I was walking and being cat called but no one stopped them, lot’s around but nada, I was alone so if I did anything it would have been my fault for reacting, the only thing I can do in that situation is hope to be safe and get away fast
It’s amazing how every women I’ve ever spoken to has been forced into an uncomfortable situation by this and yet men never know anyone who does. How weird |
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"I’d really love to see one person call out another in real day to day life
As things are I don’t, I see people bow their heads or turn away and let others get away with it
Like the time I was walking and being cat called but no one stopped them, lot’s around but nada, I was alone so if I did anything it would have been my fault for reacting, the only thing I can do in that situation is hope to be safe and get away fast
It’s amazing how every women I’ve ever spoken to has been forced into an uncomfortable situation by this and yet men never know anyone who does. How weird "
As I said above I have 3 grown up daughters and we have had this conversation a number of times.
None of them have ever experienced inappropriate touching by strangers or friends at any time in their lives.
One of them left a job due to lack of action being taken against a male colleague for inappropriate comments.
Within my circle of friends I can guarantee not one of them would ever stoop to this type of behaviour and I can say that without fear of contradiction because I know them and how they behave when we are out.
In a previous job I visited up to 100 pubs a week and there were various incidents involving customers over the years, none of which I challenged due mainly to the location and political tensions. The equivalent of being from the wrong side of town.
On the flip side though there have also been numerous incidents where I or male members of my staff have been manhandled by hen parties while carrying out our job which was not connected to the parties at all. All of which were treated as bants and a bit of a laugh and we needed to lighten up.
Bullshit as far as I was concerned and in fairness to one landlady she did intervene and threaten to ban a few on one particular occasion. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Personally, I think anyone who says "none of my friends would ever do that" is kidding themselves or extremely unnusual.
Mrs TMN x"
I understand your thinking and indeed in my late teens / early 20s sadly you would've been right.
However, now that I'm in my 50s I've actively chosen to spend my time with people I like.
I don't like racists, misogynists or other bullies so they are not my friends. |
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"I’d really love to see one person call out another in real day to day life
As things are I don’t, I see people bow their heads or turn away and let others get away with it
Like the time I was walking and being cat called but no one stopped them, lot’s around but nada, I was alone so if I did anything it would have been my fault for reacting, the only thing I can do in that situation is hope to be safe and get away fast
It’s amazing how every women I’ve ever spoken to has been forced into an uncomfortable situation by this and yet men never know anyone who does. How weird
As I said above I have 3 grown up daughters and we have had this conversation a number of times.
None of them have ever experienced inappropriate touching by strangers or friends at any time in their lives.
One of them left a job due to lack of action being taken against a male colleague for inappropriate comments.
Within my circle of friends I can guarantee not one of them would ever stoop to this type of behaviour and I can say that without fear of contradiction because I know them and how they behave when we are out.
In a previous job I visited up to 100 pubs a week and there were various incidents involving customers over the years, none of which I challenged due mainly to the location and political tensions. The equivalent of being from the wrong side of town.
On the flip side though there have also been numerous incidents where I or male members of my staff have been manhandled by hen parties while carrying out our job which was not connected to the parties at all. All of which were treated as bants and a bit of a laugh and we needed to lighten up.
Bullshit as far as I was concerned and in fairness to one landlady she did intervene and threaten to ban a few on one particular occasion. "
Delighted for your three daughters |
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